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People are sharing the marriage advice that 'sounded absurd' but is actually really helpful

Here are 19 of the best responses.

marriage advice, marriage tips, divorce
via Pexels

Work at it every single day folks.


The best advice isn’t always obvious, or else we would have thought of it ourselves. It often comes out of left field and can be counterintuitive. When it comes to marriage, the best advice tends to be centered around keeping a focus on the long game.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was, “Buy her a bottle of shampoo from time to time without her asking.” Now, that doesn’t mean to get shampoo specifically, but just pick up something here and there to show you care and are thinking about her.


Marriage, if done right, is forever, so that often means taking a loss in the short-term to enjoy the long-term benefits of a happy life with someone. This is great as a concept but in practice can be pretty darn hard, day in and day out.

Hence why about 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

Reddit user thecountnotthesaint put out a call to the AskMen forum for some of the best marriage advice that “sounded absurd” but was actually helpful.

The question was inspired by some advice the Reddit user had received from their father, who claimed that a king-sized bed is the key to a happy marriage. "I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married and having kids," they wrote.

A lot of the advice was about being careful not to escalate small disagreements into larger arguments that could turn personal and ugly. A lot of people think that to have a successful marriage means being able to compromise and to let things go quickly.

Here are some of the best responses to the question, “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?”

1.

"Dad said 'Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe especially if you’re not feeling it.'” — semantician

2. 

"At my wedding, my wife's Grandmother offered so funny, weird, solid advice. She said, 'If you get angry with each other, go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.' So far, so good. Anniversary on Monday!" — drizzyjdracco

3. 

"The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing. Source: married 15 years." — LemonFizzy0000

4. 

"My grandfather told me 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking." — t480

5. 

"When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.' So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor. The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide." — wordserious

6. 

"Focus on tackling the problem, not each other." — bobbobbobbobbob123

7. 


"Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that, but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married, and an amazing experience, but still life goes on."— nopants_ranchdance

8. 

"Marry him for who he is. Not his potential." — There-is-No-beyond

9. 


"My stepmom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude: 'The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss.' So, like, yea for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit. If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too. Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes)." — drewkungfu

10. 

"Say thank you for day to day things, even taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated." — BVolatte

11. 

"Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It's the little things that show you care." — Purple12Inchruler

12. 


"You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family." — crazypersn

13. 

"One of my colonels told me: 'Just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.'"— MgoBlue702

14. 

"Be honest. Don't lie to your partner." — Mikeydeeluxe

15. 

"Don’t marry a woman whose dad calls her 'princess,' because she probably believes it. Much to his regret, my brother ignored this advice from our dad." — Toadie9622

16. 

"My fiance always says that 'just because' flowers are the best kind of flowers." — agaribay1010

17. 

"My Gramps who was married for over 50 yrs said: 'tell her you love her every single day.' Kind of obvious, but I definitely took it to heart." — sorellk

18. 

"Love isn’t about having 'nice feelings for each other.' It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to." — sirplaind

19. 


"Bill Maher said "The three most important words in a relationship aren't 'I love you', they're 'let it go.' Oddly, this has proven to be some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard." — KrssCom


This article originally appeared on 05.30.22

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School responded to a parent's book complaint by reading it aloud to the entire student body

What possible issue could a parent have had with this book?

Jess Piper/Twitter

Schools often have to walk a fine line when it comes to parental complaints. Diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and preferences for what kids see and hear will always mean that schools can't please everyone all the time, so educators have to discern what's best for the whole, broad spectrum of kids in their care.

Sometimes, what's best is hard to discern. Sometimes it's absolutely not.

Such was the case when a parent at a St. Louis elementary school complained in a Facebook group about a book that was read to her 7-year-old. The parent wrote:

"Anyone else check out the read a loud book on Canvas for 2nd grade today? Ron's Big Mission was the book that was read out loud to my 7 year old. I caught this after she watched it bc I was working with my 3rd grader. I have called my daughters school. Parents, we have to preview what we are letting the kids see on there."

The book in question, "Ron's Big Mission," highlights a true story from the childhood of Challenger astronaut Ron McNair, who had experienced discrimination as a child in South Carolina because he was Black. In 1959, when he was nine years old, McNair wanted to check out books at the library, but the librarian told him the library didn't loan books to "coloreds." McNair refused to leave the library until he was allowed to check out books. Rather than give him a library card, the librarian called the police, who ultimately convinced her to just let him check out books.

Seriously, what issue could this parent possibly take with such an inspiring story of a kid standing up to injustice and fighting for the right to educate himself? This was a child who single-handedly changed a library's racial segregation policy and grew up to be an astronaut—a genuine, real-life hero. What is there to take issue with? The parent didn't specify, so we're left to conjecture, but if there's any other possible reason than racism, I can't think of one.

Rockwood Education Equity and Diversity Director Brittany Hogan told KMOX News Radio that after hearing of the complaint, other parents responded immediately in the book's defense.

"They were saying this is amazing that they were buying copies of the book," Hogan said. "One of our parents came out and said she was going to purchase a copy for every second-grader at the elementary school that her children attends."

Hogan called McNair a hero and said, "He deserves to be celebrated. His story deserves to be told to our children. It's important that we continue to move in a space that embeds diverse curriculum."

And the school responded in the best possible way—by announcing the book was going to be read aloud to the whole student body via Zoom. That's how you shut down a bigot. Boom.

Here's Pond Elementary Principal Carlos Diaz-Granados reading "Ron's Big Mission" to students via Zoom and sharing why he thinks it's an important book for kids:



- YouTubewww.youtube.com



This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

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Video nails 'jukebox brain'—when every conversation triggers a song in your head

Anyone else feel like a walking karaoke machine?

Photo by RDNE Stock Project/Pexels

All day long is a sing-a-long.

Most of us know what it's like to get a song stuck in your head, but how many of us spend most of our day with song after song playing in our brains, triggered by the things we or other people say?

Quite a few of us, apparently.

Social media creator Chrissy Allen shared a video on Instagram that is resonating with thousands who "can't have a single conversation without your brain thinking of a song."

Watch and see if this is you:

"My mind is a literal jukebox," Allen wrote. Same, friend. Same.

Over 18,000 people commented on the video commiserating about being walking karaoke machines.

"I am a teacher and the other day I said, 'Okay everyone stop what you’re doing' and then without thinking said
'Cause I’m about to ruin the image and the style that you’re use to' and the entire class stared at me confused and not knowing what just happened. I then realized I am 50 and my head is filled with old lyrics."

"All the neurodivergent peeps having a mental karaoke session in the middle of conversations 🤣 and we will inevitably say 'could you repeat that?'"

"Her: he was cheating on me, but you know what's really bananas?
Me: ...B-a-n-a-n-a-s... I'm so sorry"

"Why am I like this! 😫 The willpower it takes to not sing out loud in professional settings. The struggle is real."


via GIPHY

"I can't distinguish an original thought from a verse in a song anymore. Send help."

"Very fluent in song lyrics and movie scenes 😂"

"Yes. I too have this problem. Lyrics and movie quotes are my language."

"This is me and my husband. We can't have a conversation without being reminded of a song then singing... We were in a harsh disagreement once and I couldn't help but start laughing, it annoyed him until I started singing the song, then he laughed, then we got over the disagreement and went on with our day 😂"

"My kids 'OH my god!!' Me 'Becky look at her butt!'
Then the kids just look at me like something is wrong with me. 🤣"

Apparently, some of us just have the entire catalog of every song we've ever heard just sitting there on standby until a word or phrase triggers the player to kick on. And yes, it can be a challenge to stop yourself from singing out loud at random times mid-conversation.

via GIPHY

There's actually a scientific term for this phenomenon (and the super-related "earworm" phenomenon of having a song playing in your head on repeat). It's called involuntary musical imagery, or INMI, which refers to a "conscious mental experience of music that occurs without deliberate efforts to initiate or sustain it." A study in 2020 found that INMI appears to be a universal phenomenon and that songs with certain characteristics are more likely to be played and replayed in our brains.

“Earworms are an extremely common phenomenon and an example of spontaneous cognition,” the lead study author, Kelly Jakubowski, PhD, told CBS News. “Psychologists know that humans spend up to 40 percent of our days engaging in spontaneous cognition and are starting to try to understand why our brains spend so much time thinking thoughts unrelated to our present task and how such thoughts might be useful.”

While an earworm isn't quite the same thing as having songs on shuffle in your head, there are definitely some song that tend to pop into people's heads and refuse to leave more than others. According to the study, the top earworm songs are:

1. “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga

2. “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” by Kylie Minogue

3. “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey

4. “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye

5. “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5

6. “California Gurls” by Katy Perry

7. “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen

8. “Alejandro” by Lady Gaga

9. “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga

Terribly sorry for putting those into your brain. (Apparently, Lady Gaga has a special knack for writing songs that stick in the ol' gray matter. Thanks, Gaga.)

via GIPHY

The question is, are some of us more prone to INMI than others? Perhaps. According to CBS News, research has shown that being constantly exposed to music and having certain personality traits, such as obsessive-compulsive or neurotic tendencies, can make people more susceptible to earworms. And a small 2015 study found that the size and shape of a person's brain—specifically, the thickness of certain brain regions—affected the frequency with which people got songs stuck in their head.

So those with jukebox brains might just be somewhat special, though judging from the responses to Allen's video there are quite a few of us out there bopping along to the soundtracks in our heads.

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Family

A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

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Behavioral specialist demonstrates gentle parenting vs. permissive parenting

People are often think "gentle parenting" means letting a child walk all over you, but it doesn't.

Images courtesy of Gabriel Hannans/TikTok (@the_indomitable_blackman)

Gabe Hannans explains what gentle parenting is and isn't.

One of the benefits of parenting in the 21st century is that we have decades of research on child psychology, behavior and development to draw best practices from. Unfortunately, all of that knowledge can also makes parenting more confusing than it already is.

It's not that the research is faulty, it's that people often don't take the time to actually understand what specific parenting philosophies actually entail. There's perhaps no more notorious example of that than misunderstandings about what "gentle parenting" means.

For many parents, "gentle parenting" sounds like a nice idea in theory but unrealistic in practice. Many imagine it means always using a calm and quiet voice, asking a child nicely to do things (or not do things) without setting any rules or boundaries around behavior. With that understanding, what ends up happening is a parent tries to "gentle parent" their child with scenarios that go something like this:

"Ellie, would you please put your shoes on?"

[Ellie ignores Mom and continues to play with her toys.]

"Ellie, it's time to get your shoes on. Can you stop playing with your toys, please?"

[Ellie shakes her head no while continuing to play.]

"Ellie, we have to go now. Mommy needs you to put your shoes on. Can you cooperate, please?"

[Ellie says, "No, I don't want to!"]

"Come on, Ellie. I know you don't want to, but please be cooperative."

child playing with blocksChild playing with blocks. Photo by Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels

And so it continues, with Mom asking nicely and Ellie refusing until Mom finally loses her patience and yells, at which time Ellie complies. Conclusion: Gentle parenting doesn't work.

Except what Mom is doing in that scenario isn't gentle parenting. It's gentle, sure. But it's not parenting.

Behavioral specialist and teacher Gabe Hannans explains what gentle parenting means in his popular TikTok videos. He also takes it a step further and demonstrates what gentle parenting actually looks like in practice.

In one video, Hannans stitches a video showing a mother losing her cool and yelling and swearing at a toddler who wouldn't get out of the garbage when she asked nicely with the caption, "When gentle parenting is not working."

"So, gentle parenting is not talking to your child like, 'Oh, little Billy, you gotta stop. Stop that, little Billy,'" he says. "If I need a kid to do something, I'm gonna walk up, 'Hey, little Billy. This is what we're doing now.' I'm gonna say what you should be doing instead of what you shouldn't be doing."

Watch him explain the effect that has on a child's brain:

@the_indomitable_blackman

#stitch with @nazahmathis397 Learn what gentle Parenting actually is... #sahm #NextLevelDish #foryoupage #children #fyp #GetCrackin #kids

In another video, he demonstrates what gentle parenting might look like in practice with a specific scenario in which he asks a kid to come inside because it's about to start raining. The kid, Jimothy, responds in a way that's rude or disrespectful because he wants to stay outside a little longer. Watch how Hannans handles it:

@the_indomitable_blackman

#stitch with @Life with Sam 🤪 Gentle, permissive, Conscious, respectful, different names, same principles. High expectation, Hugh responsiveness. It's not violent, fearful or shameful. it teaches the lessons you want them to learn. If you wanna make the switch and have Questions, that's why I'm here! #parents #parenting #respect #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

As the parent in the situation, he doesn't act as if he's not bothered by the kid's reaction. He's real about it, but he doesn't react with anger. He models healthy emotional control. He makes it clear that the expectation is mutual respect, and he models and explains that, too. He has the kid come up with a respectful response and has him practice it. Then he shows the kid that the respectful response works better, offering positive reinforcement of the desired behavior.

"A lot of parents are unfortunately holding on the belief that gentle parenting is permissive parenting, and they are not the same thing," he says. "They are so different because gentle parenting actually does teach respect, it teaches boundaries, it teaches expectations, it teaches what you're supposed to do in a given interaction. It's what proper parenting looks like."

Sometimes gentle parenting is referred to as conscious parenting or respectful parenting, but it's all the same thing. It's parenting through the lens of teaching, with the understanding that kids aren't born knowing how to act or communicate or behave or express themselves. We as parents have to patiently and persistently teach them all of those things, and that looks a bit different at each age and stage.

What about things like tantrums? As Hannans shows and explains in another video, taking a proactive approach to prevent tantrums is much more effective than waiting for them to happen and then having to manage them. Tantrums happen—it is developmentally appropriate behavior at certain ages and stages. But there's a lot that a parent can do to lessen the chances of a kid melting down.

Here's one example of how a parent can prepare a child to go shopping and set the expectations beforehand for what a trip to the store is going to entail.

@the_indomitable_blackman

#stitch Kids will tantrum, but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Teach these kids to self regulate when they're calm. Set expectations and boundaries AND HOLD FIRM TO THEM. For more information... Check out the book I wrote. #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #parenting #parents #teaching


Every parent knows that parenting is complicated no matter how much research we do and how much knowledge we have. Each child has their own innate personality that parents have to get to know, and each parent has their own upbringing, environment, culture and tendencies to contend with. Most of us want to parent well, but figuring out how to do that with all the different variables at play is hard.

But that doesn't mean there aren't better and worse ways to parent. We have research-backed, effective ways to teach a child how to be a solid, upstanding human being without having to resort to harsh punishments. Screaming and yelling, spanking, humiliation, shaming and other "old school" methods might seem like they "work" in the short term, because they cause a child to shut down and do as they're told out of fear. But that doesn't teach them what respectful behavior or emotional regulation actually look like. It doesn't give them the tools and skills they need to make choices for themselves. That's what gentle parenting is all about.

Follow Hannans on TIkTok for more gentle parenting education and demonstration, and check out his book, "This is Parenting," here.

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Colts tight end Kylen Granson explains he wants to set good example with the ‘Guardian Cap’

“You’re not soft for wearing one.”

Mark Susina|Flickr and Erik Drost|Wikimedia Commons

Colts Kylen Granson explains why he wears guardian cap

One of the big concerns about American football is head-to-head contact. Even though the players are wearing helmets, slamming into another players helmet or being thrown to the ground during a play can cause significant trauma to the brain. While the NFL has banned helmet-to-helmet contact out of safety concerns, it can still happen and nothing can stop a player's head from contacting the hard astroturf or grass covered field.

Hits to the head whether it's from another helmet or from being tackled can cause concussions which not only inhibit the player from continuing in the game but can cause the player to develop a condition called Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). According to Indiana University School of Medicine, "CTE is a progressive degenerative disease affecting people who have suffered repeated concussions and traumatic brain injuries, that may occur in some athletes and others who have been exposed to concussions and repetitive head impacts."

That's where the "Guardian Cap" comes in.

The padded cap slips over the hard shell of a football helmet to add additional padding to the players head in hopes to reduce traumatic brain events caused by contact during football.

More high schools have been interested in using the caps after the tragic deaths of students who sustained head injuries while playing football.

The caps have made their way to the NFL as optional use but Colts tight end Kylen Granson is determined to set a good example for his peers, youth and his future children. The tight end took to social media to explain why he still planned to wear his Guardian Cap during the regular season though the NFL made it optional.

"This is a Guardian Cap. All it is, is essentially a little extra padding on the exterior of the helmet. This was something that was first introduced last year and most of the offensive line, defensive line were mandated to wear it during practice," Granson explains before adding that other positions had the option to keep wearing it.


File:Colts vs Patriots 2011 01.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

The professional football player says it was essentially an experiment to see if the caps actually reduced concussion rates, finding that it reduced the rates significantly.

Since the reduction in concussion incidents was so steep, the players were mandated to wear them during training camp with the option to wear them during the preseason games, which Granson and a few others did. After the success of the reduction in concussions during training camp and preseason, the NFL gave players the option to wear them during regular season according to the tight end.


Super Bowl Football GIF by DraftKingsGiphy

"For me it was a no brainer. I just said, 'yes I want to wear it the whole season.' I've never really had a problem with the Guardian Caps, they don't really limit vision. They don't add any extra weight that's noticeable. Why would I not add a safety measure onto my helmet," Granson asks.

He further explains that any thing that adds safety for him as the player, especially when it comes to mitigating long term effects takes precedent for him.

Granson shares that he also believes "that it's part of my duty to advocate for my own health and safety and try to encourage others to also make the choice to continue wearing these.

There's no amount of aesthetic that can outweigh what a TBI (traumatic brain injury) could do to you."


Football: Falcons end season on a sour note with 38-21 loss to BYU ...www.af.mil

While the player goes on to explain the small hits add up, comparing the human brain to "a jello inside of your head," he's also taking this safety measure to be an example to younger players and his future children.

"As someone who wants to have kids someday, I want them to also know, hey dad isn't just telling you to be safe, he also is safe when he played. He did everything that he could to protect his head, to protect his brain, to protect his longterm health. I want to inspire kids to think that health and safety is also cool. You can do cool things out on the football field and still wear a Guardian Cap," Granson expresses that it goes beyond the football field to include children wearing bicycle helmets. "There would be no amount of cool that would be worth walking into a hospital room and your child is in a vegetative state because they weren't wearing a helmet. Because they didn't look dumb."


File:Hassan Hall (53141821467) (cropped).jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

The heartfelt, well thought out message was well received with commenters praising Granson for continuing to wear the Guardian Cap and speaking about his reasonings online. Fans and professionals alike came to support the player in his comments.

"As a fan, if it keeps your team's star player on the field instead of on concussion protocol why wouldn't you want them wearing it," one person questions.

"As a speech therapist who has worked with traumatic brain injuries, I was happy to see the guardian caps! Thanks for speaking on this," another writes.


@thekcg83 You’re not soft for wearing one the hits are just as hard you’re just minimizing the repercussions of those hits. ##nfl##nflfootball##nfltok##nflnews##nfltiktok##sportsnews##guardiancap##guardiancaps##colts##coltstarting##coltsfootball##coltsnation##coltsoftiktok ♬ Last Hope (Over Slowed + Reverb) - Steve Ralph


"Fans will come around. Everyone hated the the F1 Halo until it started literally saving lives and now we're all down. We fans can be a little slow but we'll get there," a different commenter reminds others.

"I want you to remember that you helped put a new practice into place without stigma to help other players be safer and do what they love longer," one woman shares while another commenter says, "I'm a TBI researcher. Thank you for advocating for things like this that will increase player safety."

It may take a little longer for the entire league to either opt to wear them or be mandated to wear the caps, but Granson is making the argument simple. Wear the Guardian Cap–increases safety.

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