upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Love Stories

Couples married 40-plus years offer their best tips for a lasting, successful relationship

"A laugh and a hug is helpful to calm the crazy."

married, marriage, marriage advice, marriage tips, married 40 years
Image via Canva/perfectwave

People married for 40 years or more share their relationship advice for lasting marriages.

The 40th wedding anniversary is called the "ruby anniversary," and making it to this milestone is a rare feat. According to Bowling State University in 2018, while 41% of marriages in the United States make it to their 25th ('silver') wedding anniversary, only 8% make it to their 50th ('golden') wedding anniversary. So, couples that have remained together 40 years have a lot of marriage advice to offer.

At 40 years, you've seen just about everything a relationship can offer, and you've gotten to know your partner in a way that no one else ever will. You've seen the good times, you've seen the bad times, you've been through sickness and health. You've probably raised a few kids and dealt with every problem that can happen in a home.

In a Reddit subforum older people sharing life advice, member u/OneTwoThreeFoolFive posed the question: "Elderly who have been *happily* married for more than 4 decades, what tips can you give to people who haven't married yet?"

Couples with long, successful marriages joyfully shared their helpful marriage advice with others. These are insightful marriage tips from 20 couples who have been married 40 years or more.

Marriage advice from those who've been married 40-plus years

marriage, married couple, old married couple, happy marriage, happy relationship up s GIF Giphy

"Listening to your partner means thinking about what your partner is saying, not thinking about what you're going to say in response." —Odd_Bodkin

"Do not marry someone that you are planning on changing. Marry someone who you can live with their less than ideal qualities." —tmaenadw

"Respect, patience, marry someone who makes you laugh because life is silly." — lmb3456


older couple, old couple, happy old couple, laughing, laughing couple Kacey Musgraves Love GIF by Cuco Giphy

"My favorite quote, 'True love is when both people think that they are the lucky one'…. Going strong since 87." — glamourgal1

"Ok, so I’m close at 38 years, so here goes. Respect your partner. Every single day. Wake up and tell yourself you love them. Every single day. Thank them every single time they do something you appreciate, like making coffee you share, or taking out the garbage. My hubby thanks me every single time I do the laundry. Every single time. It makes me feel valued and really helped get me through when the kids were small and there was a lot of laundry. Plus, Date Night. It’s really the planning and looking forward to it, not the glitzy or glamorousness of the date itself. Try to talk to each other about yourselves and not the kids for just that couple hours together. Make lots of plans for short trips either as a couple or with the kids. We were poor and our vacations were camping. Our girls loved it because they got their dad to themselves as he wasn’t working on a house project… He taught them how to pack the car, set up the tent, build a FIRE! All fun stuff for kids. Plus, fishing, hiking, and whatever else they could dream up together."— bookishlibrarym

"Take a deep breath, walk , then try to forget what stupid thing your spouse just said or did. It’s worked for some 40 years now and very happily married."— Front-Barracuda-9303

happy marriage, happily married, happily married gif, successful marriage, long marriage Grow Old Together Love GIF by ANTIQUES ROADSHOW | PBS Giphy

"Don't get married to keep from being alone or for financial stability. Wait until the right one. If you marry for money, you will pay. If you marry from loneliness, the worst kind of loneliness is being lonely in a marriage." —Ok-Resist7858

"Laugh together, but never at each other. Create a safe landing for difficult times; they will happen. Be ready to help them get through and don’t add to the difficulties. Be sympathetic and learn the cues when needed. This is for both the good and the bad times. It’s not always about you, let them have their time and they will let you have yours. Help them shine. This is a partnership that includes finances, parenting, death & illness of loved ones and working both inside and outside the home. Find what motivates them (and you) and agree to not agree when needed. When you love, admire, respect, and cherish your spouse, let them know. This doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a constant work in progress. The returns on these investments will last a lifetime. (Married for 46 years and counting, at ages 16F & 19M)." — Its-Two-Latte

"Do not rush into it." — Mrs_Gracie2001

no rush, don't rush, stop rushing, no rush relationship, don't rush Ice T Reaction GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Giphy

"A laugh and a hug is helpful to calm the crazy. We are both 66, have had a long-lived infatuation with each other from the beginning and got married at 17 . I know, infatuations are supposed to be short-lived but the passion is as strong now as it was at 17. We still love being together but the times when one is crazy can be a challenge. And focus on living within your means as money worries can be seriously problematic." — jhoover58

"Best advice was from a man who had been married 60 years. Someone asked him the secret of a lasting marriage, and he said 'Well, I’ll tell you…Ignore them when they’re stupid'." — mishymc

Married as teenagers and still married 57 years later. I was lucky to find someone at a young age who was a mature, loyal, even-tempered, hard-working, and intelligent. Life is long and it can be hard, so you need someone you can rely on ... and who can rely on you. We have always had similar goals and were willing to sacrifice and work to achieve them. Working together like that is actually very enjoyable." — Bay_de_Noc

couple goals, happy couple, happy marriage, happily married, fun couple Shake It Dancing GIF by Laff Giphy

"From a very practical perspective, the three biggest stressors on a marriage are finances, children, and division of labor. If a couple isn’t on the same page, it builds resentment: he won’t save/she won’t have fun, she lets the kids go wild/he’s too strict, he won’t help/she’s a nag. My advice is to marry someone who shares the same values. Despite Hallmark movie themes, opposites don’t do well in the long run." —Silly-Resist8306

"A few tips: Remember, your spouse is always well-intentioned. Know that marriage is hard and work through the rough patches. Vacation apart occasionally. It gets better with every year. Learn each other's love languages and respect them." —Critical_Dig799

"Have each other's backs. You are your own family unit now. Think of it as concentric circles. You and your partner are the inner circle, your parents etc the next circle. Too many people struggle to understand this and prioritize their parents over their partner. You get to make your own holiday traditions, you both get to combine your family traditions to make your own and that's OK. Make sure you agree on the basics before you get married, like really deep down agree on the basics of children, money, religion, politics. Also make sure you can talk about sex with each other before you get married. That you feel safe being able to articulate your needs and boundaries and that your partner will try to meet them, maybe not perfectly at first but will make the effort until you both figure it out together. This also applies to life outside the bedroom." — wwaxwork

got your back, got your back gif, happy couple, happy marriage, friends married I Got You Bff GIF by StickerGiant Giphy

"50 years this year. We are so lucky. Learn to fight fair. Pull your punches. Always remember you love this person and you don’t want to knock them to the ground. No bringing up old conflicts into the argument. Let old things go and stay in the present. Keep perspective. Will it matter in 5 years? Some issues are worth a big fight. Some are not worth a tiny fight. We had some really stupid fights and laugh about it today." —curiousinbiguniverse

"Take a real close look at the family you are marrying into. The longer you’re married, the more they are involved in your life like it or not. You’ll end taking care of aging parents, loser brother or sister, nieces, nephews." —Outdoor-Snacker

"Don't waste a lot of money on a big wedding. Watch the issue of Adam Ruins Everything about marriage and weddings. Treat your partner with respect and as you would like to be treated. 49 years and going strong for us. The payoff is the golden years with lots of funny stories and inside jokes and good companionship." —joekerr9999

"So many things. For men: learn to communicate the way she understands (I have found women will hardly ever understand how we communicate). For both: Forgive the little flaws. Do special things for each other regularly. Be willing to give space. Don't use the D word unless you're serious. Don't put your children ahead of your marriage. Don't speak in anger. Accept that you two are different and have different styles. Say 'I love you' daily. Give compliments. Have sex regularly (Don't use it as a weapon)." —JWR-Giraffe-5268

"Most of what's been said so far. I'd like to add sleep naked and close. Still after 52 years married." — j00e420

From Your Site Articles
marriage tips
Love StoriesJoy
Humor

Gen X mom reenacts 'coming home from school in the 80s' and it couldn't be more perfect

"This is why we turned out self sufficient, independent and successful."

Canva Photos

If you lived through an 80s childhood, this will send you back.

Generation X, made up of those born between 1965 and 1980, has many claims-to-fame in their younger years game. Gen X brought the world Prince and Kurt Cobain. We were The Goonies and The Breakfast Club. We took down the Berlin Wall while watching MTV.

But perhaps the most iconic thing about Gen X is our semi-feral childhoods of benign neglect. The standards of parenting and child rearing have shifted a lot in the past 40 to 50 years, as has the technological landscape that kids grow up in, so naturally, today's kids won't have the same childhoods previous generations had. But there's something particularly nostalgic about being a child of the 80s for those who lived it.


One mom nailed the experience with a video reenactment of what it was like to come home from school in the 80s.

Elizabeth Stevens (@BennettPeach on YouTube) arrives at the front door in her backpack, then pulls out a house key on a string around her neck. (Ah, the "latchkey kid" era when children were expected to come home to an empty house and let themselves in.)

Then she goes into the kitchen in her Care Bears t-shirt and finds a handwritten note—in cursive, of course—on the back of an envelope. "Working late—make your own dinner, watch your brother and the dishes better be done when I get home from bowling. – Mom"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

That's right. Mom wasn't just working late, she was also going bowling while her kids were home caring for themselves.

Then we see her washing the dishes despite barely being able to reach the faucet, even with a stool, and then her making a Gen X staple—the cinnamon-sugar and butter sandwich. On white bread, of course.

In just one minute, Stevens managed to capture the essence of so many Gen X memories, as commenters shared:

"The mom notes on an unopened bill is memories."

"Nailed it! The best thing about growing up in the '70s/'80's was being ALLOWED to grow up."

"Why this video made me almost cry?? How quiet it is inside the home. Lovely."

80s childhood, 80s, 80s nostalgia, gen x, latchkey kids, gen x nostalgia, generational differences, generational humor Wash the dishes before I get home from bowling! Photo by CDC on Unsplash

"Facts!!! No babysitter, go in the house, read the note, do the chores n not let anybody in!!!! I remember the homemade the 'cinnamon bun.'"

"70s and 80s … latch key kid here elementary, junior high and high school. we turned out self sufficient, independent and successful."

"Just so frickin on point!!! All of it from the clothes to the key on the necklace to the note. Even what you chose to do for a snack. Too good!!! The windbreaker that's memories. It's all coming back to me now lol thank you for this. You have brought a huge grin to both me and my inner child."

80s childhood, 80s, 80s nostalgia, gen x, latchkey kids, gen x nostalgia, generational differences, generational humor music video 80s GIF Giphy

"I was met with a note everyday, too. On the back of an envelope, my daily chores would be listed. If I was in trouble, I would cry as soon as I saw the note....lolol Love you momma. How I wished I could have saved those notes! They were historical treasures."

Tons of people gushed over the nostalgia of remembering those "good old days" when they were given both freedom and responsibility, with many saying kids today have no idea. One thing that might surprise the younger generations was how young the theoretical kid in this video could have been. We're not talking about young teens here—kids as young as 5 or 6 could be latchkey kids, and kids any older than that were often given responsibility for looking after younger siblings. Even official babysitting jobs could start around age 11, or sometimes even younger.

Gen X kids had learned to take care of themselves early on, which has its pros and cons. The rose-colored glasses many Gen X adults view their childhoods through can sometimes cloud the parts that were not so great about growing up in the 70s and 80s. Sure, that benign neglect resulted in resilience and independence, but for some that came at the cost of parental relationships and a sense of safety and security. We have more knowledge now about things like mental health support, parent-child attachment, and healthy relationship dynamics, and some of that learning is reflected in shifting parenting practices.

As often happens, the pendulum may have swung too far from the absent parents of the 70s and 80s to the helicopter parents of the 90s and 2000s, of course, and the "right" approach (if there is one) probably lies somewhere in the middle. But it is still fun to look back on those iconic childhood experiences with joy and humor and appreciate that they helped us become who we are today.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles
gen x
HumorJoy
Internet

Watch the emotional evolution of someone's face after 1, 2, and 3 alcoholic beverages

Giggling might be induced just by seeing the transformation.

Curtesy of Marcos Alberti

Watch the emotional evolution of people after 1, 2 and, 3 glasses of wine

Having a glass of wine or two isn't uncommon for adults. Casual drinking in social situations acts as a social lubricant or just a tool to help some relax. Many people who partake in a glass of wine socially may not realize the physical changes that happen since it's generally not enough alcohol to cause intoxication. However, Brazilian photographer Marco Alberti begs to differ with his newly updated photography project, which photographs people before drinking and after consuming one, two, and then three glasses of wine.

The results of his "3 Glasses Down" project, which initially started as a joke between his friends, involved the photographer taking the same four sets of photos. The before-and-after pictures, along with the story of "three glasses," went viral, reaching over one million views on Imgur in the first week. That's what inspired Alberti to start taking photos of others.

The "3 Glasses Down" project, now known as "The Wine Project," has brought the photographer success, with his photos appearing across digital and traditional media outlets. Recently, he repeated the photography projects with all new subjects, and the images are just as convincing. One glass of wine does a little more than someone may think, and three glasses of wine cause the subject of the photo and viewers to break out in a smile.

Alberti tells the BBC that when he started the original project with his friends as the subjects, he had only recently discovered wine. "I just started drinking wine a month before this project," he explains to the outlet. "I was not used to drinking wine, so I thought of this project like a tribute. I need to do a tribute to wine because I just discovered how good it is, and the first idea that I have is to take pictures of my friends drinking, so, of course, it was funny to do. It was very nice to do it."

Since his initial catapulting into the spotlight with his photos of friends, he has refined the project and travels the world to capture the effects on others. His most recent project took place in New York.

On his website, he explains the process, saying, "The first picture was taken right away when our guests have just arrived at the studio to capture the stress and the fatigue after a full day after working all day long and from also facing rush hour traffic to get here. Only then fun time and my project could begin. At the end of every glass of wine, a snapshot, nothing fancy, a face and a wall, 3 times. People from all walks of life, music, art, fashion, dance, architecture, and advertising got together for a couple of nights, and by the end of the third glass, several smiles emerged, and many stories were told."

Once people start drinking, they become a little more chatty, so it's no surprise that Alberti heard some tales from his photography subjects. However, just like anything else, drinking should be done in moderation. While some studies suggest drinking red wine in moderation may have heart and other health benefits, the Mayo Clinic reminds people that more research is needed.

"But there might be other reasons for the lower risk of heart disease in people who drink red wine in moderation. For instance, they might eat a healthier diet and be more active than those who don't drink red wine. And they might have higher incomes and better access to health care as well," says the Mayo Clinic.

They also note that it's believed that the antioxidants in red wine are the main contributing factor to the wine having health benefits. The skin on the grapes contains those antioxidants, so the Mayo Clinic suggests eating grapes in place of wine if you're not a drinker.

From Your Site Articles
the wine project
InternetPop Culture
Community

Research reveals two kinds of high school popularity, which lead to opposite outcomes

Being one of the cool kids isn't a predictor of future success.

Photo credit: Canva

Does being popular really matter?

Even decades into adulthood, most of us still remember who the popular kids were in high school, at least by face if not by name. Something about adolescent social interactions really sticks with us, and popularity (or lack thereof) is one thing that stands out in a typical high school experience. However, our memories of the popular kids last a lot longer than their actual popularity does, especially if those kids were a particular kind of popular.

Mitch Prinstein, PhD, a clinical child and adolescent psychologist, professor of psychology and neuroscience, and the director of clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, explains that there are two kinds of popularity in his book, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships. According to his research, one type of popularity is a predictor of a long and fulfilling life, while the other is the opposite.

popularity, popular kids, cool kids, high school, likeability There's a difference between likeable popularity and status popularity.Photo credit: Canva

"Those who are popular can be two different groups," Prinstein shared with the Speaking of Psychology podcast. "You have some who are popular when they were young, and they would be the kind that we would call 'likable.' However, a different kind of popularity emerges in adolescents, which we refer to as 'status.' And those are very different types of popularity. Likeability is good, status is pretty bad."

"Likeable" popularity is found in people who have genuinely likeable traits. These traits make people want to spend time with them and trust them because they make people feel valued and included. "Status" popularity is found in people who are influential and powerful, but not necessarily well-liked. We can probably all name people from our high school days who fit each of those categories of popular, and perhaps some who overlap both. (The class president who also happens to be a really kind and caring person, for instance.)

Prinstein's analysis of the research indicates that people who are likeable popular are more likely to end up in a happy marriage with well-adjusted kids and a successful career, whereas high status popularity correlates to long-term problems with depression, anxiety, substance use, and relationship problems. In other words, the "cool" kids who dominate the social landscape with power and influence in high school often don't fare as well as the kids who are popular because people truly like them.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Those disparate outcomes may not come as a surprise, all things considered, but Prinstein says we're living at a time when status popularity matters farther into adulthood than it did before. Like the brains of other mammals, the adolescent human brain is predisposed to look toward status because, on an instinctual level, it can mean access to more resources or mating partners. We're biologically wired to desire status popularity when we're young.

"It used to be that we would stop caring about that kind of popularity when we graduated from high school," Prinstein told Speaking of Psychology. "That's not the way the world works anymore though…things have dramatically changed in the last 20 or 30 years in ways that now make us care about status more than we ever have before."

Prinstein shared that it seemed to start with 24-hour cable news shows, then spread to reality TV and social media. In the past, we didn't have ubiquitous access to the lives of celebrities, virality wasn't a thing, and there weren't "likes" at the click of a button to feed the idea of status popularity being important.

popularity, popular kids, cool kids, high school, likeability Social media has pushed status popularity last beyond high school.Photo credit: Canva

"I'm so worried about teens today because they've lived in a world where pursuing status with a mouse click or on your phone 24/7, that's become normal," said Prinstein. "And when I worked on the book I was shocked to find how many covers of magazines for both kids and for adults are really promoting the message that we should care about our likes, and our retweets and our followers and even kids are being encouraged to say things on social media that they explicitly don't believe because if it gets them more likes or followers then it's worth it. And if you think about the message that that's sending the kids, that status is more important than actual true connections with others or integrity, that's a really really scary message."

Considering the outcomes, focusing more on likeability than status can help us all live better, more fulfilling lives. How do we do that? One way is to think about what you find likeable in other people and try to develop those qualities in yourself. Become a better listener. Support people by being encouraging and celebrating their wins. Don't brag or complain too much. Be kind and courteous. Ensure that everyone feels welcome and included when you're in a group.

Popularity isn't the ultimate goal, of course, but being likable will help you throughout your life, whereas status is a never-ending ladder that ultimately leads to nowhere. So if you find yourself yearning to be popular, pick the kind of popular you actually value and place your energy and attention there.

You can listen to the entire Speaking of Psychology interview with Dr. Prinstein here.

From Your Site Articles
sociology
CommunityJoy
Humor

A young girl was crying on a train. A group of rowdy men cheered her up with one song.

"Proof that kindness doesn't need to be planned."

Photo Credit: Canva

A young sad girl. A baby shark.

There are moments in time, loud and rowdy as they might be, that are reminders of the joyous, little snippets in life. Which is why it has been extra fun that a video from about five years ago has resurfaced, illustrating the best of humanity.

A young girl was on the metro in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. According to @Kidofthreads's recent viral clip on Threads, she was very upset. The caption reads, "This is boys will be boys" and "A little girl was crying, and some drunk friends cheered her up with Baby Shark" (According to a post on Reddit, they are drunkenly coming from a night at Carnival, circa sometime before COVID).

View on Threads


In the Threads video, a group of men—a few also in dresses, earrings, and one even a short wedding veil—go into full clown mode. In unison, and with total passion, they begin singing the notorious earworm, "Baby shark, Doo doo ta do ta do, Baby shark," over and over again. An enormous grin crosses her face and she even begins to sing along.

This is a less-than-a-minute view into how worlds can collide, bringing happiness to (most) everybody on that train. The men were having the best time making the girl, and many of the passengers, feel their joy, and it spread like wildfire.

The comments on Threads (within one day there were nearly 1,000) are interesting. Many of them note, of course, the pure delight. One beautifully shares, "Proof that kindness doesn’t need to be planned. A group of drunk friends turned a crying kid’s night around with Baby Shark. Sometimes strangers remind us the world still has magic."

A young girl is cheered up by men singing Baby Shark. www.youtube.com, Caters Videos

But quite a few also point out how nurturing these men are, challenging stereotypes. One writes, "When we say 'not all men,' this is who we’re referring to." Another adds, "This is what masculinity looks like when it's not toxic." And this one perfectly states, "‘Boys will be boys’ should refer to stuff like this. This is the goofiest, most wholesome thing I’ve ever watched."

On the Subreddit r/MadeMeSmile, hundreds of people commented on the "Baby Shark Metro" video. Many discuss the "happy drunkenness" of it all, but one Redditor shares a similarly heartwarming story: "I was new in Germany in 2016 when a bunch of FC Köln supporters went onto the tram. I was with my wife and my 2-year-old daughter at that time."

What happens next is adorable: "They were all super drunk and singing like there was no tomorrow. As they see my sleeping daughter in her stroller, they immediately stop shouting, but they keep singing — but in whisper. Just imagine dozens of muscular, tattooed football hooligans, drunk and singing soooo softly. I still remember that thing to this day."

- YouTube www.youtube.com



From Your Site Articles
joy
HumorJoy
Internet

Teen creates earring that snaps pictures and alerts police in the event of an assault

The South African teen is helping address the high volume of gender-based violence in her country.

Photo credit: Canva

Teen creates earring that snaps pictures and alerts police in event of an assault

Gender-based violence is a problem in countries across the globe, but is especially prevalent in South Africa. While laws and societal views are slowly shifting towards making women feel more comfortable reporting assaults, people have been trying to find ways to mitigate the harm. In 2015, four college students invented color-changing nail polish to help detect the presence of "date-rape drugs" in drinks. A 16-year-old girl and her brother invented a hair scrunchie that doubles as a drink cover to prevent drinks from being spiked.

Bohlale Mphahlele of Limpopo, South Africa, is joining the list of young people thinking outside the box to help keep women safe. At just 16 years old, she decided to do something to help women identify their attackers while also getting them help faster. The SJ van der Merwe Technical High School student created an earpiece that fits on the ear like an earring, except it's not. The device is multiple things in one, designed not only to help collect photographic evidence of an assaulter but also to help prevent human trafficking.

safety; gender-based violence; safety invention; human trafficking; domestic violence; teen inventors Contemplative moment at the bar.Photo credit: Canva

There's a lot of tech packed into that small earring-like device, and all of it will assist in keeping women as safe as possible. According to the 2024 South Africa’s Human Sciences Research Council report, more than one in three women of the 5,603 women who participated in the study reported experiencing sexual or physical violence within their lifetime. Just like many women in America don't report assaults due to stigma or fear of not being believed, the same is true for the women in South Africa. Mphahlele is throwing them a lifeline.

The device, aptly named the Alerting Earpiece, is designed to operate with a simple, discreet press of a button. Fiddling with an earring wouldn't be abnormal in any situation. The button being easily accessible in that manner will allow wearers to press it without suspicion. What happens after they push the Alerting Earpiece can be lifesaving.

It acts as a wearable panic device, not only alerting trusted, pre-selected people that you need help, but also alerting law enforcement. The faux earring sends your live GPS location and silently captures photos of the assailant through the tiny front-facing camera. All of that is jam-packed into something that can fit on someone's ear. The camera will provide crucial evidence that can be lacking in these situations, especially if the attacker gets away. The GPS will also enable police to receive the alert in real-time, which can be a game-changer in terms of timeline.

safety; gender-based violence; safety invention; human trafficking; domestic violence; teen inventors Friends enjoying drinks and conversation at a cozy bar.Photo credit: Canva

According to Uzalendo News, judges praised the teen's invention, awarding her the bronze medal at the Eskom Expo for Young Scientists. Mphahlele explains to the same outlet, "that the rise in reported cases of abuse, especially among women and young girls, inspired her to think about practical safety solutions." She emphasized that "technology should be used not just for convenience but to protect the vulnerable."

safety; gender-based violence; safety invention; human trafficking; domestic violence; teen inventors Left: Elegant earring. Right: Bartender pours drinks.Photo credit: Canva

The invention is making waves across South Africa, with the Limpopo Department of Education praising the prototype, and calls from Education Member of the Executive Council Polly Boshielo for investments to enable the device to be mass-produced. The teen isn't standing idly by; she is also actively seeking investors, partnerships, and technical support to refine the device and bring it to consumers, according to iOL.

This clever invention could save lives across the globe and give victims of violent crime a fighting chance at justice.

From Your Site Articles
human trafficking
InternetPop Culture
Trending Stories