Writer Michel de Montaigne and a happy couple.
There are many ways to evaluate your marriage to determine whether you’re truly happy. Does it mean that you don’t fight very often? Does it mean that it’s filled with passion? Does it mean that you have no desire to be with anyone else? Is it because you have all of your business affairs in order, or is that the marriage is safe and predictable?
Further, like any relationship, there’s an ebb and flow to marriage where even the most perfect relationship has its ups and downs. Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared an easy way to figure out if you, your spouse, or someone you know is in a happy marriage. He says it goes back to a quote by French author Michel de Montaigne: “If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”
@julianphilosophy Marriage❤️ #married #marriedlife #marriage #love
“And what he meant is that love is a good starting point,” de Medeiros explains. “But if you want to be together for a long time, you have to become best friends. In fact, you could have been best friends to begin with and then fallen in love.”
What's the secret to a happy marriage?
He also points to author Dr. Seuss to elaborate on the importance of friendship in a marriage. Suess writes, “We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Ted Geisel aka Dr. Seuss.via AL Ravenna/Wikimedia Commons
In Seuss’s view, unconventional quirks and characteristics bring people together. When everything that makes you unique in the world is either shared by your partner or cherished by them, it creates a bond and a common language that is impossible to duplicate. This “mutual weirdness” is also a powerful quality that helps people weather life's storms.
The post resonated with many of de Medeiros’s followers, who shared the benefits of having a marriage based on mutual weirdness. “My husband and I mutually hate everyone else. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in,” Kacie wrote. “My husband is weird, so am I. We made four weird kids,” Megan added. “When something weird or funny happens to me, I can’t WAIT to call or text my husband to share it with him. Been happily married for almost 30 years,” Pharmtech commented.
A couple taking a selfie.via Canva/Photos
Some also noted that even though Seuss may have some thoughtful things to say about love, he wasn’t the most incredible husband. "Unfortunately, Dr. Seuss is a terrible role model for marriage," Missy wrote.
Ultimately, as people age passion will wane in the relationship. Couples who have all the money in the world can still be miserable. Children may bring joy in the long run, but they can make marriage more stressful. But breaking a couple up is hard when their foundation is built on true friendship.
“And that's what a happy marriage is. It's the highest form of friendship,” de Medeiros ends his video. “It's finding someone who feels like your best buddy, like the person you wanna have around you all the time. The person you can't live without. That's what makes a happy marriage, being best friends.”
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."