Culture
Dad’s 5-year-old daughter's hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming
“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”
01.14.25
via James Breakwell / Twitter
Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.
1.
Me: What did you do at school today?\n\n5-year-old: Learned about dragons.\n\nMe: Your class learned about dragons?\n\n5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1524164098
2.
5-year-old: *stares off into space*\n\nMe: What's wrong?\n\n5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?\n\nMe: *stares off into space, too*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512655067
3.
5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?\n\nMe: To look pretty.\n\n5: But she's already pretty.\n\nMe: Aww.\n\n5: Dad, you should wear makeup.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1434719335
4.
3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?\n\n5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522195727
5.
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars\n\nMe: That\u2019d wreck the economy\n\n5: I just-\n\nMe: Go to your room until you understand inflation— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1441628973
6.
5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur.\n\nMe: That could mean anything.\n\n5: The dinosaur had a hat.\n\nOh shit.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1435237545
7.
[watching a guy on TV do CPR]\n\n5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?\n\nMe: He's not. He's saving her life.\n\n5: I'd rather die.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1458752016
8.
Me: Who ate all the cookies?\n\n5-year-old: Ninjas.\n\nMe: I didn\u2019t see them.\n\n5-year-old: No one ever does.\n\nCheckmate.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1433627847
9.
5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?\n\nMe: I helped\n\n5: How?\n\nMe:\n\n5:\n\nMe: I read her the instructions— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1446746149
10.
Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.\n\n5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.\n\nI'm never sleeping again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1460388284
11.
Me: What happened on the coffee table?\n\n5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers.pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1432591871
12.
13.
5-year-old: I'm writing a book.\n\nMe: What's it called?\n\n5: I Ate Too Many Cupcakes.\n\nMe: Oh.\n\n5: It's just pretend because you can never eat too many cupcakes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523975066
14.
5-year-old: *eats a cupcake for breakfast*\n\nMe: Cupcakes aren't a breakfast food.\n\n5: I know. They're an all-day food.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523364754
15.
Me: It snowed last night.\n\n5-year-old: *flops on the floor* We already did winter.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523279528
16.
Me: You're still in your pajamas.\n\n5-year-old: I'll get dressed soon.\n\nMe: It's 4 in the afternoon.\n\n5: Don't rush me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523131531
17.
[spring break]\n\n5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?\n\nMe: Monday.\n\n5: *slides me a penny* When now?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522870699
18.
Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed.\n\n5-year-old: Not again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522158012
19.
5-year-old: *won't get out of bed*\n\nMe: I don't want to fight you every morning.\n\n5: Then let me win.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522847748
20.
Me: Why are you being mean?\n\n5-year-old: I ran out of nice.\n\nIt's going to be a long night.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522786515
21.
[lightning strike super close to our house]\n\n5-year-old: Missed me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522762976
22.
5-year-old: Can we have pizza?\n\nMe: We just had pizza yesterday.\n\n5: The pizza doesn't know that.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522096312
23.
Me: Hurry.\n\n5-year-old: I am.\n\nMe: You're still in bed.\n\n5: I'm sleeping faster.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521811809
24.
5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.\n\nMe: They are?\n\n5: I thought you went to college.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521326336
25.
5-year-old: Do I have to change my name if I get married?\n\nMe: Only if you want to.\n\n5: Call me Shredder.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521585950
His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.
26.
Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!\n\n7-year-old: Love hurts.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512230800
27.
Me: What are you doing?\n\n7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.\n\nMe: There aren't any presents under the tree.\n\n7: I know.\n\nPassive aggressive level 9000.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511896968
28.
3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What's her name?\n\nMe: She doesn't have one. You can name her.\n\n3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.\n\nShe'll make a great mother.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511877311
29.
7-year-old: I'm glad I'm not a boy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: I like being smart.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512136729
30.
3-year-old: Mommy married you.\n\nMe: Yeah.\n\n3: Why?\n\nWife: Nobody knows.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522527335
31.
2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.\n\nMe: You mean rugged and manly.\n\n2: Purrrr.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1493775467
32.
4-year-old: What happens when you die?\n\nMe: You go to heaven.\n\n4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1412245842
33.
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?\n\nMe: They pay me a salary.\n\n4-year-old:\n\nMe:\n\n4-year-old: I don\u2019t even like celery.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1425155143
34.
3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?\n\nMe: If you want to.\n\n3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1459859421
35.
7-year-old: Why do we have to dress up?\n\nMe: It's Easter.\n\n7: Jesus just wore robes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522592817
36.
Me: Do you know why they call it Good Friday?\n\n7-year-old: There's no school.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522427812
37.
7-year-old: Why does my teacher keep testing what I know?\n\nMe: What should she do?\n\n7: Trust me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522246883
38.
7-year-old: You should let me eat more candy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: Then you won't eat it.\n\nShe's my new diet plan.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522092561
This article originally appeared four years ago.
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Original Wonder Woman Lynda Carter becomes a superhero for the LGBTQ+ community
The actress recently defended the character as a gay icon.
Once a superhero, always a superhero.
For many, Lynda Carter is the definitive live action Wonder Woman. The actress first brought the comic book heroine to life in the '70s, and even makes an iconic cameo appearance in the modern-day films starring Gal Gadot. She’s got Wonder Woman action figures made in her likeness, for crying out loud.
All that to say, I think we can feel confident in dubbing Carter a Wonder Woman expert. She’s certainly poured a lot of heart and passion into the role over the years, and fans love her for it.
To kick off Pride Month for 2022, Carter tweeted a variant Wonder Woman comic book cover created by artist Paulina Ganucheau, which was released the previous year. The cover depicts the Amazon warrior smiling while brandishing her signature golden Lasso of Truth in front of a vibrant rainbow backdrop.
The sweet moment was cut rather short after someone commented, in all caps no less, that “Wonder Woman IS NOT A SUPER HERO FOR GAYS.”
In true Wonder Woman fashion, Carter was quick with a defensive comeback.
Carter replied, “You’re right. She’s a superhero for bisexuals!”
She attached a 2016 Polygon article where Greg Rucka, a major writer for the contemporary Wonder Woman comics, confirmed that Diana is, without a doubt, canonically queer. He added that considering the entire island of Themyscira where Diana lives was filled with only other Amazons for centuries upon centuries, “it makes no logical sense otherwise.”
Objectively, even the original conception of Wonder Woman had LGBTQ+ roots. When William Moulton Marston created her in 1941, she was inspired by both his wife Elizabeth and their polyamorous partner Olivia Byrne. Their story was depicted in the 2017 film “Professor Marston and the Wonder Women,” starring Luke Evans, Rebecca Hall and Bella Heathcote.
Carter later posted: 'I didn't write Wonder Woman, but if you want to argue that she is somehow not a queer or trans icon, then you're not paying attention.”
She also shared the the importance of keeping the character a queer icon so that others can be empowered to express themselves authentically. “Every time someone comes up to me and says that WW helped them while they were closeted, it reminds me how special the role is,” she wrote.
She then posted a photo from her Wonder Woman TV show days along with the caption: “Love seeing all the love from LGBTQ+ fans today! Now here’s one I’d like to call the ‘ready to fight your homophobic relatives’ pose. Just kidding. (Or am I)?”
This was followed by encouraging others to support LGBTQ organizations such as Trans Lifeline, the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and PFLAG, which is geared specifically toward parents and families.
You know what they say … not all heroes wear capes. But they do all fight for humanity in their own way. Carter might have retired her magical tiara, but she’s still a queen.