Drew Barrymore and Dylan Mulvaney share powerful moment on what they've learned from their critics
“It’s beautiful when your childhood icons are actually decent people."
Drew Barrymore speaks with Dylan Mulvaney
Drew Barrymore has been part of our public lives for more than 40 years. And while she has millions of fans, you're bound to pick up some critics along the way.
These days, it's easy to dismiss any sort of criticism as out of bounds, be it sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia and so on.
Which is why it's easy to understand why one might assume that's where Barrymore was going in her interview with trans influencer and activist Dylan Mulvaney.
Instead, the pair shared a powerful exchange, even kneeling on the floor where Barrymore felt the intimacy of their moment would be "safer." They broke down what they've learned from their critics and how they've learned to move beyond other kinds of criticism that are only designed to cause harm.
Mulvaney sat down with Barrymore to discuss the inspiration behind her “365 Days of Girlhood” series, where Mulvaney posts daily social media videos documenting her transition.
Mulvaney acknowledged that she did receive some feedback from fellow trans celebrity Laverne Cox about how Mulvaney was handling her public transition. "She said to keep something private for myself," Mulvaney said. "And I couldn't agree more in the way that there were a few moments this year where I was like, 'Was I actually ready to say that?' But now, since meeting her, and having that moment, I go, 'Okay, what would Laverne do?' and I have actually stopped myself from making a few videos to make sure I was actually ready to talk about those things."
Mulvaney then went on to explain that even when keeping some things private, she also tries to consider what her growing audience of fans gains from her videos.
“I think about if I was following myself on TikTok as a young kid, what would I want to hear?” Mulvaney told Barrymore, adding that the amount of support she has received was a complete surprise.
“I figured when I came out that I might have to go into hiding and then do all my surgeries privately and change my name and instead decided, hey, let me see if the world is willing to accept me this way from day one, and they did,” she said.
When asked how she dealt with negative comments online towards herself and the trans community, Mulvaney shared, “I think the greatest weapon that I can contribute is trans joy…I’m not somebody that is trying to do anything but be myself and be happy.”
Towards the end of the segment, Barrymore got on her knees to get closer to Mulvaney while explaining her own approach to handling criticism, comparing film reviews to today’s social media (“You are pretty much guaranteed a 50-50, some like it, some don’t.”) and going so far as to say her worst critic is still often herself.
The two sat on the floor together and shared a hug just before going to a commercial break.
“Thank you for joining me on the floor. The floor always feels safer,” Barrymore said.
While some people took issue with the exchange, in particular finding offense at Barrymore "kneeling" before Mulvaney (a quickly debunked claim), the exchange was in reality a positive, unifying example of how we can learn from some criticism while understanding when it's better to simply let the outside voices go.
And it's not like it's the first time Barrymore has used her show to go deeper.
As one person was quick to point out, this is not the first time Barrymore has demonstrated this gesture and even provided pictures to prove it.
Obviously the people attacking Drew Barrymore for showing compassion & being on the floor has never seen her show. She literally does this with A LOT of guest to feel more connected & to make the interview feel less formal.
— ⚡️⚡️PJ⚡️⚡️🌈 (@PJocky82) March 14, 2023
Um, Hello! 👇 pic.twitter.com/uEUcpWA1sN
Actress Laura J Silverman, who claimed to work with Barrymore, attested that this kind of behavior was simply her MO.
“I worked with Drew Barrymore once and she really is that person—lovely, kind, generous, genuine; open hearted, interested, fun. Full of life. A lot of people would do well to emulate that.”
Others were quick to defend Barrymore’s actions, saying it spoke more to her humanity than anything else.
“Drew Barrymore is a sweet, honest, kind, human being who puts empathy, compassion, and the comfort of others first,” one person wrote.
“It’s beautiful when your childhood icons are actually decent people who care about Queer people,” another added.
You can watch the full video below.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.