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Childless people over 50 are honestly reflecting on whether they made the right decision

Spoiler alert: They’re totally fine with it.

childless couples, kid-free life, regrets of seniors
via Pexels

Childless people over 50 discuss their decision.

People who decide not to have children are often unfairly judged by those who chose a different life path. People with children can be especially judgmental to women who’ve decided to opt out of motherhood.

“You will regret it!” is one of the most common phrases lobbed at those who choose to remain childless. Why do people think they’ll have such awful regrets? Because they often say they’ll wind up “lonely and sad” when they’re older.

They also say that life without children is without purpose and that when the childless get older they’ll have no one to take care of them. One of the most patronizing critiques thrown at childless women is that they will never “feel complete” unless they have a child.

However, a lot of these critiques say more about the person doling them out than the person who decides to remain childless.

Maybe, just maybe, their life is fulfilling enough without having to reproduce. Maybe, just maybe, they can have a life full of purpose without caring for any offspring.

Maybe the question should be: What’s lacking in your life that you need a child to feel complete?


Studies show that some people regret being childless when they get older, but they’re in the minority.

An Australian researcher found that a quarter of child-free women came to regret the decision once they were past child-bearing age and began contemplating old age alone.

People revealed the reasons they’ve decided to be childless in an article by The Upshot. The top answers were the desire for more leisure time, the need to find a partner and the inability to afford child care. A big reason that many women decide not to have children is that motherhood feels like more of a choice these days, instead of a foregone conclusion as it was in previous decades.

Reddit user u/ADreamyNightOwl asked a “serious” question about being childless to the AskReddit subforum and received a lot of honest answers. They asked “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?”

The people who responded are overwhelmingly happy with their decision not to have children.

A surprising number said they felt positive about their decision because they thought they’d be a lousy parent. Others said they were happy to have been able to enjoy more free time than their friends and family members who had kids.

Here are some of the best responses to the Askreddit question.

1. Never had any desire.

"I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.

"Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own." — IBeTrippin

2. No desire. No regrets.

"Nope. It was never something I wanted. No regrets." — BornaCrone

3. Mixed feelings.

"I have mixed feelings. I don't care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn't have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.

"But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I'm very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I'm exposed to other people's kids." — ProfessorOzone

4. They never visit.

"My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learned that the whole 'well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older' line is complete bullshit. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets." — joevilla1369

5. It wasn't an option.

"I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least. So yeah... I have regrets." — MaerakiStudioMe

6. Grandkids are cooler.

"No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's 10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!" — Zublor

7. I'd be a bad parent.


"Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting."
— Videoman7189

8. I'd rather be the cool aunt and uncle.

"No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle." — laudinum

9. Loneliness is underrated.


"54 yrs.old. I've lived the past 30 years alone. Presently my dog and I are chillin' in a nice hotel on a spur of the moment vacation. I'd maybe be a grandfather by now?! I can't imagine what it would be like to have family. I picture a life lived more "normally" sometimes. All sunshine and roses, white picket fence, etc. but I realize real life isn't like that. No I don't regret being childfree or wifefree for that matter. My life can be boring at times but then I look back at all the drama that comes with relationships and think I've dodged a bullet. I spent 20 years trying to find a wife to start a family. Then I realized the clock had run out, so fuck it, all the money I'd saved for my future family would be spent on myself. Hmmmmm...what do I want to buy myself for Christmas?" — Hermits_Truth

10. No diaper changes and no regrets.

"Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other people's kids are great. Mostly because they are other people's. When people ask 'Who will take care of you when you're old' I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old." — fwubglubbel

11. Zero desire.

"I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.

"And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way." — GrowlKitty

12. D.I.N.K.

"Dual income no kids = great lifestyle!" — EggOntheRun

13. Some regrets

"Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though." — Johnny-Virgil


This article originally appeared on 02.08.22

Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
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When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might think of getting groovy at a nursing home, a french bulldog having a total breakdown in the drive-thru, or maybe even a snack bar company promoting self care. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.


This DWTS dance trend 

If you’ve been watching TV or on the internet this week, you might have seen the viral dance move Dylan Efron and Daniella Karagach performed while on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) last week. The one particular move, where Dylan holds Daniella as she does a mid-air horizontal walk, is going viral with over 8k videos using the sound. Some of my personal favorites include a mom and her baby, two girls or a girl and her cat, proving this dance trend is truly for anyone to try.

All In on Fiber

Speaking of trends, there’s one that really is about going “all in”, it’s called #fibermaxxing. After years of protein being the biggest nutrition trend, it looks like fiber might be taking over. For good reason too, while protein can cause issues with digestion, fiber can lead to better digestion, blood sugar management, weight control and reduced disease risk. Our friends at All In made a video explaining the #fibermaxxing trend. Each All In bar has 6 to 7 grams of fiber , plus they are delicious. Don't take our word for it, though: Click here to try it yourself (for free).

This child's long hair

This creator went all in… on pranking the audience. I don’t want to give away the contents of this video, but let’s just say it’s creative- and it made me quite literally laugh out loud. There are a lot of "momfluencers" out there who make content that uses their children, and as relatable and heartfelt as it is, sometimes a little satire break is worth appreciating.

Two entrepreneurs getting down to business


Lots of people dabble in entrepreneurship. These two went "all in" on helping others learn it. After four years of interviews with CEOs , research, edits, and a Penguin Random House book deal (yes, seriously), their book, Down to Business, has made its way into classrooms and libraries around the world. Now they are teaching other kids that age is not a barrier to entry in entrepreneurship; the earlier you start, the further you can go—and an entrepreneurial mindset will serve you no matter what you do in life.

Bridesmaids who went all in

Last on our list; two bridesmaids who committed to the bit. These ladies went “all in” in their remake of the legendary scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. If you haven’t seen the original movie, starring Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, this might be your sign.

In the viral TikTok this bride, Caroline, had no idea what was coming when she put on her favorite movie while getting ready for her big day. The fact that she wanted to watch her favorite show before her bridesmaids surprised her, makes this going “all in” surprise all the better.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change

Can outsider beavers save this dried up river?

It's not easy being a river in the desert under the best of circumstances. The ecosystem exists in a very delicate balance, allowing water sources to thrive in the harsh conditions. These water sources in otherwise extremely dry areas are vital to the survival of unique wildlife, agriculture, and even tourism as they provide fresh drinking water for the people who live nearby.

But man-made problems like climate change, over-farming, and pollution have made a tough job even tougher in some areas. Rivers in Utah and Colorado part of the Colorado River Basin have been barely surviving the extremely harsh drought season. When the riverbeds get too dry, fish and other aquatic creatures die off and the wildfire risk increases dramatically.


About six years ago, one team of researchers had a fascinating idea to restore the health of some of Utah's most vulnerable rivers: Bring in the beavers.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change Beaver on riverbank. Canva Photos

In 2019, master's student Emma Doden and a team of researchers from Utah State University began a "translocation" project to bring displaced beavers to areas like Utah's Price River, in the hopes of bringing it back to life.

Why beavers? Well, it just makes dam sense! (Sorry.)

In all seriousness, beaver dams restrict the flow of water in some areas of a river, creating ponds and wetlands. In drought-stricken areas, fish and other wildlife can take refuge in the ponds while the rest of the river runs dry, thus riding out the danger until it rains again.

When beavers are present in a watershed, the benefits are unbelievable: Better water quality, healthier fish populations, better nutrient availability, and fewer or less severe wildfires.

It's why beavers have earned the title of "keystone species," or any animal that has a disproportionate impact on the ecosystem around them.

beaver, dam, dam building, nature, ecosystem Pbs Nature Swimming GIF by Nature on PBS Giphy

Doden and her team took beavers who were captured or removed from their original homes due to their being a "nuisance," interfering with infrastructure, or being endangered, and—after a short period of quarantine—were brought to the Price River.

Despite the research team's best efforts, not all the translocated beavers have survived or stayed put over the years. Some have trouble adapting to their new home and die off or are killed by predators, while others leave of their own accord.

But sine 2019, enough have stayed and built dams that the team is starting to see the results of the effort. In fact, beaver projects just like this one have been going on all over the state in recent years.

- YouTube youtu.be

The water levels in the river are now the healthiest they've been in years. The fish are thriving and Utah residents are overjoyed with the experiment's results.

According to an early 2025 column in The Salt Lake Tribune (i.e. six years after the beaver translocation began) the revitalization of the Price River has "helped save [our] Utah town."

"A tributary of the Colorado River, the Price River runs through downtown Helper," wrote column authors Lenise Peterman and Jordan Nielson. "On a warm day, you’re likely to find the river filled with tourists and locals kayaking, tubing and fishing along its shore. A decade ago, it was hard to imagine this scene—and the thriving recreation economy that comes with it—was possible."

Of course, it wasn't JUST the beavers. Other federal water cleanup investments helped remove debris, break down old and malfunctioning dams, and place tighter regulations on agriculture grazing in the area that depleted vital plant life.

But the experts know that the beavers, and their incredible engineering work, are the real MVPs.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River Public Domain

In other drying, struggling rivers in the area, researchers are bringing in beavers and even creating manmade beaver dams. They're hoping that the critters will take over the job as the rivers get healthier.

Utah's San Rafael River, which is in bleak condition, is a prime candidate. In one area of the river, a natural flood inspired a host of beavers to return to the area and "riparian habitat along that stretch had increased by 230%, and it had the most diverse flow patterns of anywhere on the river," according to KUER.

It's hard to believe that beavers nearly went extinct during the heyday of the fur trapping industry, and continued to struggle as they were considered nuisances and pests. Now, they're getting the respect they deserve as engineer marvels, and their populations have rebounded due to better PR and conservation programs.

It's about dam time!

This article originally appeared in June.

time, time perception, getting older, aging, slow time down

Time is weird.

If you're old enough to remember the 1980s, allow me to blow your mind with a fun fact: 1980 and 2025 are as far apart as 1940 and 1985. Those lessons about WWII and the presidency of FDR you learned in school? That's like kids today learning about Ronald Reagan.

Is your first reaction "Nuh-uh, no way"? Are you pulling out the calculator to do the math yourself, several times, because you're sure you must've missed a number somewhere? You remember how long ago the 1940s seemed in the '80s, and there's no possible way that much time has passed between the '80s and now. It feels like you entered a time warp somewhere and can't figure out how to get out of it.


Why does time work this way? Why does it seem to get faster and faster, and to condense, making decades seem shorter and shorter as we age? And perhaps more importantly, how the heck do we stop time from feeling like a runaway freight train?

time, time perception, getting older, aging, slow time down Is there a way to slow down time?Photo credit: Canva

Here are a few theories about what creates the freight train phenomenon and how to slow it down.

Time perception is relative—and kids perceive it differently

"Time flies when you're having fun" is a saying for a reason. Time also drags when you're doing drudgery work and feels like it stands still in moments of significance. And yet the ticking of seconds as they go by doesn't change tempo. We measure it with steady, unchanging beats, but how it feels changes constantly.

This relativity exists in every passing moment, but it also exists in the bigger picture. The years felt like they passed much more slowly when we were children, and by middle age, they seem to pass in the blink of an eye. The pandemic gave us an even greater sense of this relativity as disruptions to our normal routines and the stress associated with the COVID-19 years messed with our sense of time. (On an odd side note, surveys show that our time perception during the pandemic varied a lot from place to place—people in some parts of the world felt that time moved more slowly, while others felt time moved more quickly.)

According to a 2023 Hungarian study published in Nature Scientific Reports, very young children perceive time differently from older children and adults. Researchers split 138 people into three age groups—pre-kindergarten, school-age, and adults 18 and over—and showed them two videos of the same duration, one that was "eventful" and one that was "uneventful." Interestingly, the pre-K group perceived the eventful video as longer, while the older children and adults perceived the uneventful video as longer.

time, time perception, getting older, aging, slow time down Adults and kids process time differently. Photo credit: Canva

The way the study participants described the length of the videos in gestures was also telling. Young children were much more likely than the other two age groups to use vertical hand gestures, which connoted volume or magnitude, to indicate a length of time. School-aged kids and adults tended to use horizontal gestures, indicating time as linear, increasing with age.

Our neural processing slows down as we age

Professor Adrian Bejan has a theory based on how neurons process signals. As we age, our neural networks increase in size and complexity, and as a result, we process visual information more slowly. That slower processing means we create fewer mental images each second than we did when we were younger, thereby making time seem to slow down.

“People are often amazed at how much they remember from days that seemed to last forever in their youth, Bejan shared with Harvard University. "It’s not that their experiences were much deeper or more meaningful; it’s just that they were being processed in rapid fire.”

In other words, processing the same number of mental images we did in our youth takes longer now, somewhat counterintuitively making time seem to pass more quickly. So goes the theory, anyway.

- YouTube youtu.be

It might simply be about time-to-life ratios

Another popular theory about why time feels different as a child than as an adult is the ratio of any given day, week, or year to the total time we've been alive. To a 5-year-old, a year is 20% of their entire life. For a 50-year-old, a year is only 0.2% of their life, so it feels like it went by much more quickly.

It's also a matter of how much change has happened in that year. A year in the life of a 5-year-old is full of rapid growth, change, learning, and development. A year in the life of a 50-year-old probably isn't a whole lot different than when they were 48 or 49. Even if there are major life changes, the middle-aged brain isn't evolving at nearly the same rate as a child. A 50-year-old looking back at the past year will have a lot fewer changes to process than a 5-year-old; therefore, the year will seem to have gone by much faster.

“Our perception of days, weeks, years, and that kind of time seems to be especially influenced by our perspective: Are we in the moment experiencing it, or are we looking backward on time?” psychology professor Cindy Lustig told the University of Michigan.

time, time perception, getting older, aging, slow time down Taking time to take in our surroundings can help slow our perception of time.Photo credit: Canva

The key to slowing it all down? Be mindful of the present moment.

Lustig has a point. When we are in the moment, our perception of time is much different than when we look back. So, being fully conscious in the present moment can help us rein in the freight train effect.

One way to do that is to be mindful of your physical existence in this moment. Feel your heart beating. Feel your breath going in and out. Cornell University psychology professor Adam Anderson, Ph.D., conducted a study that found our perception of time may be linked with the length of our heartbeats. (Study participants were fitted with electrocardiograms and asked to listen to a brief audio tone. They perceived the tone as longer after a longer heartbeat and shorter after a shorter one.) He suggests starting a stopwatch, closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing for what you think feels like a minute. Then, check your time to see how accurate your estimation was.

“This can give you a sense of how much your experience of your body is related to your experience of time,” Anderson told WebMD. “It will help teach you to enjoy the pure experience of time.”

You can also use focused breathing to purposely slow down your heart rate, and thus slow down your time perception. “We show that slow heart rates—that is, a longer duration between heartbeats—dilates time, slowing it down," Anderson said.

time, time perception, getting older, aging, slow time down Taking in the world with a sense of wonder and joy can help shift our perception of time. Photo credit: Canva

We can also alter our perception of time by taking in novel experiences, such as traveling to new places. According to Steve Taylor, author of Making Time: Why Time Seems To Pass at Different Speeds and How to Control It, people who go on adventurous trips report that their vacations feel longer than those who choose a predictable destination. You can also make small changes to your daily routine, such as trying new foods or taking a new route home from work to take in some new stimuli and slow your perception of time.

Finally, try to take in the world the way you did when you were a small child. Take note of life's wonders. Engage fully in whatever you're doing. Notice details and take mental pictures as much as you can. Time goes by quickly when we're distracted, so training our attention on the here and now can help. Ultimately, we can strive to perceive time more like we did when we were little, in its full depth and magnitude instead of a narrow, straight line.

Does that make the math of the 1940s to the '80s to the 2020s any easier to swallow? Not really. But at least we know why it feels the way it does.

This article originally appeared last year.

Pets

10-year-old girl walks into police station and brings officers to tears with 2 simple words

She's been handing out handwritten cards to officers all over the country ever since.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness

A 10-year-old has been handing out Thank You cards to police officers across the country for years.

10-year-old Savannah Solis knew she had to do something. Per KHOUN, the girl from Tyler, Texas had heard the tragic news that two local police officers in New York had been murdered. The news, all the way back in 2015, brought her to tears.

Solis knew that, as a kid, there wasn't much she could do, to stop the bad guys, to make the world safer. But she dreamed of one day being a police officer herself and being able to help. As a 5-year-old, Solis says her mother had a heart attack and the first person to arrive and offer help was a police officer. She never forgot that officer's kindness and bravery.


Savannah’s mom, Debbie, recalled the immense love and support the girl had for police officers all over the world. Inspired and mesmerized by their line of duty, she hoped and wished only the best for each of them. “We would drive by and see them stopping somebody and in the backseat she would pray, asking God to take care of them,” the mom recounted.

In the meantime, she wanted the heroes in her own community to know that she cared. So she decided to write personal letters. Hundreds of them.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness a piece of paper with a heart drawn on it Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

Her letters had two words recurring each time, “Thank you.”

Furthermore, the girl explained as best as she could what their service meant to her and how grateful she was to them for saving lives.

During her Christmas break, the girl went all out making these letters and posting them—she even delivered a few personally to police departments all over Texas.

“You are my heroes. I want to say don’t stop, please don’t give up. Many do not care or appreciate the sacrifices you make every day. But I do,” the girl remarked. Savannah added a note of inspiration which read, “Many are standing with me today to let you know that you matter. Officers across Texas, you matter to me. Officers in New York City, you matter to me. Officers all across America, you matter to me. Please keep taking care of us.”

One of Solis' deliveries was caught on video, per KXAN, where officers were moved to tears by her gesture.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She went about taking autographs of as many officers as she could. Debbie noted that her daughter didn’t want celebrity or artist autographs but those of the cops. All the officers are seen shaking hands and getting teary-eyed as they read the cards colored and highlighted with the title, “My hero.”

Austin Police Department Assistant Chief Jessica Robledo felt proud of the girl’s gesture and of the fact that their role was so valued in someone’s eyes.

“The words she spoke from her heart touched every single officer. I noticed everyone was trying to blink back tears. That’s what it’s all about. She is an old soul. She knows the right thing to say and I don’t think she even realizes the impact of her words on these officers and this department,” she remarked.

That was 10 years ago. As Solis grew up, she continued her personal outreach to police officers all over the country, letting them know that their bravery was appreciated.

She visited a precinct in Manchester, New Hampshire as recently in 2021 where she brought cards to the officers, met the K9 dogs, and was introduced to the police horses as well. Commenters were blown away that Solis was continuing the gesture after so many years.

"Savanna. Officers need that inspiration with everything going on today. You're remarkable for doing this."

"Amazing young lady right, thank you Savannah I appreciate all your efforts to show your appreciation for our men, woman, dogs and horses in blue"

"What an amazing young woman thank you for sharing this post and thank you for your service to our city. And all the law enforcement officers all over the Country."

Bravo, Savannah!

This article originally appeared in July. It has been updated.

Culture

California man buys a small island in Finland for $31k instead of down payment on a house

Russell and his girlfriend recently finished building their own log cabin on the island.

American expat; expats; couple buys island; finland; finnish island; buy island in finland

Couple buys small island because it was cheaper than a house

The cost of living has gotten quite ridiculous. If things continue the way they're going, pretty soon, people will feel they need to take out a loan to buy basic groceries. But there's one area where people are struggling beyond compare, and that's the extreme cost of housing. We're not just talking purchasing a home, either (which feels more and more impossible, if we're being honest). Across the United States, rent rates have skyrocketed, leaving people of all ages and stages in the lurch. Many are being completely priced out of the market, causing some to rent longer than they'd like, while others are having to move back in with their parents.

Due to the rising cost of housing in America, more people are choosing to relocate outside the country in hopes of maintaining a better quality of life for less. There are entire Reddit channels dedicated to expat living and Americans looking to become expats.


Oliver Russell, 24, was slightly ahead of the curve with his exit from the United States. Though he is American, he's also half Finnish, giving him dual citizenship with the country through friends and family he often visited.

- YouTube youtu.be

Russell grew up in Laguna Beach, California, but after moving to Colorado, he was denied in-state tuition, making it nearly impossible to afford business school. That's when he decided to take advantage of the free college education Finland offers its citizens; he had always dreamed of moving to Helsinki anyway.

It just so happened that, after settling into his second homeland, he met a girl. Helena Tomaszewska, 20, is Dutch. Once the two got serious about dating, they started looking at getting a summer home, which is standard in Finland. But during their search for the perfect home, the two discovered houses were expensive. The down payment alone seemed like entirely too much money for a pair in their early twenties.

"In Finland, the summer cottage life is a huge part of the culture, and I would come out here every summer. I loved the summer cottage life and wanted one of my own," Russell told SWNS in 2024.

summer cottage, cottage, cottage living, finnish, dutch, europe A cozy summer cottage.Canva Photos

They continued their search, checking various real estate websites for something within their price range. Just when it seemed like the pair was having a run of bad luck locating an affordable property, Russell came across an island. Yes, an island. By the time he came across it, the island had been on the market for 10 years. Lucky for them, it was within their budget.

In March 2024, the couple paid $31k for the 2.5 acres of lush land off the Helsinki coast.

Unlucky for them, the island was a little too lush. Since it had sat uninhabited (by humans) for a decade, the land was completely overgrown with vegetation—trees, bushes, moss, etc. If they were going to build their summer home there, they had a lot of work cut out for them, but that big detail didn't deter them one bit. The couple quickly got to work.

"Our plan is to build a log cabin completely by ourselves with no experience and transform it into a fully functioning summer cottage," Russell shared in a video on his and Tomaszewska's YouTube page, Off Grid Island, that shows him chopping down trees and shaving bark from logs.

Since purchasing the island, Russell and Tomaszewska have made several trips to ready the land for a permanent structure.

island life, Finland, Helsinki coast, island, summer home A wooded area. Canva Photos

In a 2024 article, Russell told LadBible, "We made a frame out of logs that we felled from trees, and I got some decking from a hardware store. We then built an outhouse, and I am now trying to build a shower structure so we can wash while we're on the island. We wanted to get the base camp set up so we have a comfortable place to stay while the big building happens next year."

There's a requirement for the island: a certain portion must be a sauna. It's unclear if this is a requirement by the Finnish government or a deal between Russell and his girlfriend.

As of late summer 2025, Russell reports that the cabin is done and they are moving on to their other plans for the rest of the island.

The build is pretty impressive for a couple of students without much experience and only an electric chainsaw!

- YouTube youtu.be

Russell and Tomaszewska are documenting their island transformation on their aforementioned YouTube channel. They post instead, frequently sharing their wins, failures, and everything in between with all 233k of their interested subscribers—who maybe can't afford their own islands yet, but are dutifully preparing.

- YouTube youtu.be

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography
Images from Avery Klein

Sarah Somes, 1865 (left) Casey, 2025 (right)

Plenty of people browse eBay for rare and unique antique items. But antique faces? That pretty much is entirely Avery Klein’s territory. For three years, the Tulsa-based artist, known on TikTok as “The Dead Detective,” has been identifying people in 19th-century photographs, a passion project that recently earned her a 2025 grant from the Artist Creative Fund. She spends her days collecting forgotten faces, researching their histories, and helping their portraits find their way into genealogical archives.

Still, despite years of practice, nothing prepared Avery for the night she discovered a girl named Sarah Somes…who bore a striking resemblance to her wife.


“I came across the photograph labeled ‘Sarah Somes’ as an ID’d carte de visite, and immediately felt she looked surprisingly similar to my wife, Casey, especially in the eyes,” Avery wrote to Upworthy in an email. “There was an instant sense of familiarity.”

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography A phot of Sarah Somes, circa 1865Images from Avery Klein

Even Casey herself, sitting beside Klein on the couch, giggled when Avery showed her the listing. It was undeniably uncanny.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography Casey, Avery's wife.Images from Avery Klein

But since doppelgängers are so common in Avery’s work, she clicked away from the listing without thinking much of it.

However, the feeling lingered.

“A minute later, I bought the photograph and told my wife I had to get it,” she said. “I still was not thinking too deeply about why the face felt so familiar.”

The mystery deepens

The photo arrived in September. In November, Avery finally sat down to determine exactly which young woman named Sarah Somes she was looking at.

Her first clue was the studio stamp on the back of the portrait. It read “A. Somes,” of 149 Union Street, Schenectady, New York.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography The back of Sarah Somes' photo. Images from Avery Klein

“Her surname matched the photographer’s studio stamp, which made me suspect a family connection,” Avery explained. Further research confirmed that the photographer was Sarah’s father, Alson Somes.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography Alson Somes' photography studio stamp,Images from Avery Klein

Then Avery found something that made her push her computer aside: both Alson and 17-year-old Sarah were listed in census records as artists.

“I think any genealogist or historian would agree that such a description for a teenage girl in the 19th century is extraordinarily rare,” she wrote. “To this day, I have never seen that documented before.”

A second census listed Alson as a Daguerreian Artist and listed Sarah as an oil painter. This detail struck Avery because Casey is also a painter.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography A photo of Casey painting in her studio. Images from Avery Klein

The more Avery researched, the more uncanny the parallels became. A Schenectady city directory listed Alson as offering “Ambrotypes, Photographs, Plain and Colored, In Oil,” further supporting the idea that Sarah worked in the studio as an oil-paint retoucher.

“The census description paired with his business advertisement aligns almost too perfectly to be a coincidence,” she wrote.

However, even more than the shared artistic passion, Avery couldn’t ignore the “familiarity” in Sarah’s eyes.

reincarnation, past lives, antique photos, uncanny resemblance, history, cool history, loves stories, photography Those…are the same eyes…Images from Avery Klein

“I could not shake the feeling that she was reaching across time, asking to be known.”

TikTok fell in love with the story

Avery shared the story on TikTok and, much to her surprise, people were just as profoundly moved as she was. Many shared their theories about soul connections carrying across lifetimes.

TikTok · thedeaddetective www.tiktok.com

“Did you just…love her in every lifetime?”

“What if you actually found her in a past life too??? And this is one of those ‘I’ll find my way back to you in every lifetime’ moments?”

“Reincarnation is real and it’s passed through mitochondrial DNA.”

"That’s literally too coincidental to be anything but reincarnation.”

“I still get chills thinking about the possibility that this could be a past life of Casey’s,” shared Avery. She already has plans to host workshops through her Artist's Creative Fund project that can help people research their own family photos, thanks to the immensely positive reactions she received.

The search for Sarah continues

While Avery is still trying to piece together what happened to Sarah, she says the trail “fades after 1865.” Sarah’s father died in early 1866, and his gravestone is broken, which nevertheless might hide important clues. Some records also raise new questions, including a possible remarriage in the family and a strange reference to Sarah as “adopted” in one census that is not repeated anywhere else.

“I am actively reaching out to historians,” Avery wrote. “I am open to any help that might further uncover information about Miss Sarah Somes of 149 Union St.”

In the meantime, we’ll be over here pondering the enduring power of love.