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Man honors his father's caregiver with emotional speech at his funeral

"Caregivers like him don't get the recognition they deserve."

Image via Canva

Man publicly honors his father's caregiver at his funeral.

Caregiving is often a thankless job. But when author Carlos Whittaker's (@loswhit) father Fermin passed away from dementia, he made sure to publicly honor his caregiver, Bradley, at his funeral.

In an emotional video shared on Instagram, while giving a speech at his father Fermin's funeral, Whittaker called out Bradley to sincerely thank him for the diligent care he provided throughout his father's life. And there was not a dry eye in the church.

"At my father’s funeral, I took a moment to honor someone special—Bradley, his full-time caregiver," he shared in the post's caption. "He stood by my mom and cared for my dad with unwavering dedication. Caregivers like him don’t get the recognition they deserve, and I’m so grateful. Thank you, Bradley, for everything. If you know someone who is a caregiver…Send them a message and thank them today."

The video beings with Whittaker standing behind a pulpit in a church where the funeral is being held. In part of his speech, he acknowledges Bradley for his selfless care of Fermin.

"I want to thank someone that cared for my dad the past year. Bradley, are you in the room? Can you actually stand up if you wouldn't mind?" he says as his voice cracks. "This man right here stood next to my mother and helped care for my father, and I want to say thank you. Caregivers do not get the respect and honor they deserve. And I want to say thank you so much for taking care of my father."

The camera pans to Bradley, who is standing up and wiping away tears as the crowd gives him a round of applause. After the speech, the camera pans back to Whittaker, who is also wiping away tears with a tissue.

In the comment section Bradley himself commented on the video. "It was my pleasure 🙏 I'm forever grateful and honored that I got to care for your father. You all will forever be apart of my journey ❤️," he wrote.

The impactful video resonated deeply with viewers. "As a nurse it means a lot to see caregivers recognized, what an angel on earth he was for your family and I’m sure so many others 🙌🏻🥹," one wrote. Another commented, "My grandma just passed away from dementia last week & her full time caregiver loved her so incredibly well. We are forever thankful." Another viewer added, "So wonderful that Bradley could be there and you could honor him. He clearly loves your parents 💜."

In another touching post, Whittaker honored his dad by sharing a poem he wrote on the day he was to be buried about dealing with his grief. "I hate this. I hate that I don’t get to smell your bald head again. I hate that I don’t get to feel your wink across the room. I hate that I don’t get to hold your hand. But I love—so much—that I got to be your son."

It was another impactful post for his followers. "I know these feelings. I weep as I read your words. They are a reminder that my dad is more alive than ever," one commented. And another shared, "I know these words are your heart, but they said so much of what is in mine, too. Thank you. Praying for you and your family."

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Woman shares a heart-wrenchingly beautiful exchange with her dad who has dementia

The love is there, even if he doesn't remember why.

Photo by Tara Winstead/Pexels

It's helpful to see examples of loving a family member through dementia.

Any family who has had a loved one suffer from dementia knows how incredibly difficult it can be. The CDC estimates that 5.8 million people in the United States have Alzheimer's disease and related dementias, which means many millions more are serving as caregivers for family members with dementia.

Alzheimer's is the most common cause of dementia, but there are others. For instance, alcohol abuse can cause dementia, which is what happened to the father of a woman named Bailey who has been sharing their mutual journey on TikTok.

Bailey's dad, Scott, was diagnosed with Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (caused by vitamin B1 deficiency due to alcohol abuse) earlier this year, and he has been living with Bailey for the past six months. In her videos, Bailey gives glimpses of daily life with her dad and the ups and downs of helping him manage a life with missing memories.

One thing Bailey's videos show is that dementia is not a one-size-fits-all condition. As with most people with dementia, Scott has good days and bad days, but his ability to communicate what he's feeling even when he's confused is quite incredible.

Not being remembered by your own parent, however, isn't easy. And figuring out how to communicate with a loved one who doesn't know who you are without scaring or confusing them further is a huge challenge. But Bailey shared an exchange with her father that beautifully illustrates how their emotional connection is still there, even if he doesn't remember why.

In the video, Scott tells Bailey that her calling him "Dad" freaks him out. He says he has feelings for her and knows that she is important to him, but that he doesn't think he's her dad. He also says he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She explains how she feels about him and offers to call him Scott if he prefers, and the whole interaction is just beautiful.

Watch:

@baileyrosek

Some days are easier than others.. i miss you dad, but i love you very much, Scott. #dementiaawareness #wernickesencephalopathy #caregiversoftiktok #parentofmyparents

"Some days are easier than others," Bailey wrote in the caption. "I miss you dad, but I love you very much, Scott."

Seeing Bailey's family navigate the hard parts as well as the healing that has come from Scott's illness is truly eye-opening. Those who are going through a similar journey might find inspiration in how they communicate with one another and those who haven't seen much dementia firsthand can learn what it might look like.

Of course, each person's experience is unique and you can't always apply what works for one person to another, but there's a lot all of us can learn from witnessing others handle something so difficult with grace and patience and love.

@baileyrosek

I love you dad. If you haven’t yet, go hug your parents/loved ones today. #dementiaawareness #youarenotalone #ilovemyparents #fyp #fatherdaughterlove

Bailey's family has experienced a change in Scott's behavior that has actually been positive in some ways. She has said he has become more pleasant to be around, and some of her videos showing his emotional accessibility and willingness to apologize for hurtful things he'd done are so moving.

@baileyrosek

People change and we believe in second chances. As sad as this has been, it’s a second chance for all of us 🤍#caregiversoftiktok #foryoupage #wernickekorsakoffawareness #tbisurvivor #parentofmyparents #ilovemyfamily

And Bailey's way of entering his world, helping him figure out what's real when he's open to it and going along with where and who he thinks he is when correcting him would just cause more confusion is a masterclass in communicating with someone with dementia. It can't be easy, but she excels at it.

@baileyrosek

Replying to @hiddenstyle4 we have happy convos all the time! :) #caregiversoftiktok #dementiaawareness #wernickesencephalopathy #wetbrain #parentofmyparents

Thanks to Bailey for being vulnerable enough to share her family's experiences so the world can see examples of patiently loving someone through dementia, and so those who are going through something similar know they are not alone.

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Pop Culture

A viral short film shows the struggles families face when dealing with dementia

'The Wait' was originally released in 2018, but has recently resurfaced thanks to Reddit.

Photo by Mykyta Martynenko on Unsplash

A short film shows the complexities of dealing with an ailing parent.

Caring for an ailing parent takes a real toll on a person. And when you're dealing with other things in your life, it can feel like you're drowning. In a short film called "The Wait," director Jason McColgan paints a heartbreaking but realistic portrait of what it is like to care for an aging parent suffering from dementia.

The short was released in 2018 and won a couple of awards back then. In 2021, the film went viral again after being posted on Reddit.

 

In the film, which takes place somewhere in the United Kingdom, a woman is seen sitting on a bench at a bus stop. When the film opens, she's speaking on her phone making an appointment with a doctor's office. An older man is seen sitting next to her. As the camera pans out, we see that she is visibly pregnant and rubbing her stomach. She is clearly stressed.

When the man begins to make conversation with her, it's clear her feathers are ruffled a bit. The questions range from typical, "When are you due?" to invasive, "Do you have any family?" and with each question her stress level seems to rise. Many women have dealt with their fair share of overly invasive (however well-meaning) strangers during pregnancy, so it's not surprising that she's a little distressed by his constant question asking.

Soon, the bus pulls up and that's when we get the full story. This older man is her father, and it's just the two of them. Clearly the man is suffering from dementia or a similar memory loss disease, and his daughter is under a massive amount of stress.

Watch the film below:

Alzheimer's disease is the most common form of dementia, though the film never reveals what exactly the man is suffering from. According to the CDC, in 2014, there were an estimated 5 million adults over the age of 65 in the U.S. suffering from the disease. The CDC projects that 14 million adults in the U.S. will have the disease by 2060.

Signs of dementia or Alzheimer's include using unusual words to refer to familiar objects, forgetting old memories and the inability to perform tasks independently. If you suspect someone in your life may have dementia, you should speak with a medical professional to have them properly assessed.

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Equality

The first razor designed to shave other people is great news for millions of caregivers

Gillette

Jim and Carol lived an active, exciting life together as husband and wife. But when Jim was struck by a car while cycling near his home, their life changed dramatically. Jim was left needing round-the-clock care, and Carol, a retired nurse, took on the role of caregiver.

Every day, Carol helps Jim through his physical therapy and personal grooming routines. "If we don't do what we do on a daily basis to help him move forward, he'll become more and more dependent," Carol says. "Some days the challenges are very difficult."

More than 40 million Americans are in Carol's shoes, providing unpaid caregiving to loved ones who are disabled, elderly, or otherwise in need of assistance. With baby boomers getting older and people living longer, many middle-aged people find themselves caring for aging parents or grandparents. Others may have a developmentally delayed adult child at home, or a family member who has become disabled due to an accident or illness. From cooking to cleaning to bathing, caregivers help others do everyday tasks they aren't able to do for themselves.

RELATED: These glimpses into the lives of caregivers prove they're real unsung heroes.

Hygiene and grooming are a big part of a caregiver's job, and anything that makes those tasks easier is a good thing. That's why Gillette's new TREO razor, specifically designed for shaving other people, caught our eye.

According to Gillette, 4000 razors have been designed for shaving yourself. But up until now, zero razors have been designed for people who are unable to do that.

Carol uses the TREO to shave Jim's face, and impressed by how convenient it is and how well it works. "As a nurse, I'm thinking, 'How can they improve this process,'" she says, "but I really think that they have."

A Different Life Together | Gillette TREOwww.youtube.com

Gillette's TREO razor was inspired by real-world conversations with caregivers and their loved ones and was pilot-tested in 2017.

"Our team noticed a conversation happening on social media about the daily challenges faced when caring for a loved one, which includes shaving," said Peter Ries, R&D Group Head at Gillette. "At Gillette we believe everyone has the right to look and feel their best. With our TREO razor, we are able to make the task of shaving less daunting for caregivers by enabling them to provide their loved ones with the dignity of a fresh shave."

The design team at Gillette pulled apart the razor as we know it and rebuilt it from the bottom up. The TREO includes a unique blade with a safety comb and grooves that prevent clogging, an ergonomic handle for better control, and built-in special shave gel that eliminates the need for water so caregivers can shave their loved ones without having to transport them to a sink.

RELATED: Turns out almost everyone loved that 'controversial' Gillette ad about toxic masculinity.

The "best a man can get" company has recently made big waves with ads that include trans people and ˚ Now, with the TREO razor, they company has taken inclusiveness one step further. Time Magazine awarded the Gillette TREO 2018 Innovation of the Year in the accessibility category and Fast Company called TREO "A Masterpiece of Inclusive Design."

Well done, Gillette.

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