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A husband caring for his sick wife and 3 other stories on what caregiving is really like.

A husband caring for his sick wife and 3 other stories on what caregiving is really like.
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Dignity Health

Being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

[rebelmouse-image 19397855 dam="1" original_size="750x497" caption="Photo by Jaddy Liu on Unsplash" expand=1]Photo by Jaddy Liu on Unsplash

Whether it's your profession, calling, or you're rising to the challenge for a loved one, there's no denying that taking care of another person full-time is an important and often unsung job. The work is mainly done behind-the-scenes, and as many caregivers will take you, most people don't take the time to ask "How are you?" or "Is there something I can do for you?" They see caregivers as unflappable. That means the humanity is sometimes a little lost.


But what's it really like to be a full-time caregiver? That's a question best answered by the people who've been there working tirelessly to make someone else's life more manageable and all around better.

We asked four people about the challenges, the rewards, and what they've learned. Here's what they want the world to know.

Taking care of her grandmother taught MaryEllen to see her family and herself in a new light.

[rebelmouse-image 19397856 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Photo by Damir Bosnjak on Unsplash" expand=1]Photo by Damir Bosnjak on Unsplash

When MaryEllen was 25, her grandmother's health began to decline. So MaryEllen moved in so she could take care of her during the day and work outside the home at night. She made sure her grandmother took her medication, drove her to appointments, cooked for her, and made sure that she stuck to her low-sodium diet.

All aspects of her caregiving job were difficult, but for MaryEllen, the hardest thing was taking care of someone who had taken care of her when she was young. "I saw her as more than just my Nana, but as the smart woman who was slowly losing her independence," saysMaryEllen.

However, MaryEllen found a great way to deal with these feelings — humor. "Nana was fond of saying inappropriate things. When it's really hard, you just have to laugh."

Though caring for her grandmother was tiring — even with her mother and aunts helping — it gave MaryEllen a new perspective. "Caring for someone is the hardest best thing you can do. I got to know my nana beyond her role as a mother, wife, and grandmother. I got to see my mom in a different light: as a daughter losing her mother." And MaryEllen's mother, MaryEllen says, started seeing her as an adult.

Most importantly, caring for her grandma gave MaryEllen strength. "I discovered a new respect for myself," she says.

Mia is the parent of two special-needs girls. Taking care of them taught her to take care of herself, too.

[rebelmouse-image 19397857 dam="1" original_size="750x501" caption="Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash" expand=1]Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

When her twin daughters were born prematurely, Mia's life changed forever. Her daughters, who are now two, live with cardiac and pulmonary problems. Even though all moms are expected to be on 24/7, this was something completely different.

"Caregiving is relentless and the tasks are never-ending," writes Mia in an email. "It's cliche to say that caregivers forget to take care of themselves but it is really true."

While Mia believes that the caregiving she does has endowed her with leadership skills that help her advocate for both herself and her children, she stresses that in order to be effective, she needs to practice self-care.

"Make a special effort to do something just for you and hold onto that for dear life," she writes. "This can be a hobby or a career — it's so important that you have an outlet that has little to do with your caregiving responsibilities."

That means going above and beyond to protect her energy as much as possible. Mia stresses getting enough sleep (a priority that often gets overlooked), eating good, healthy food, and moving around. But perhaps most importantly, she says you shouldn't be afraid to lean on your support network.

"Be fastidious in caregiving for yourself and it will reap rewards in your ability to care for others," she notes.

Taking care of her step-father taught Nora about a strength she didn't know she had.

[rebelmouse-image 19397858 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Photo by Yannis A on Unsplash" expand=1]Photo by Yannis A on Unsplash

Nora became the primary caregiver for her step-father, Antonio, after he suffered a stroke in 2016. It was a role she hadn't planned to take on, so at first she struggled in ways she'd never known before.

"I remember the first holiday when I was left alone at home with him and my mom, I would cry over everything," writes Nora in an email. She'd been given crash courses in how to feed and clean her step-dad when he'd left the hospital, but she was in such a state of shock that she couldn't remember any of it.

"I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders."

Caring for her parent meant Nora had to choose between helping him and taking on other work. While she and her mother have additional caregivers helping them, Nora bears much of the responsibility. She cooks for her step-dad, keeps him company, and makes sure that he's safe and comfortable. Unsurprisingly, she sometimes experiences a great deal of stress and burnout. However, after two years into it, she's also thriving.

"I've stopped struggling with all the new information I've had to take in: I can change diapers, I can clean a person, I can do many things that never in my life I thought I could do," says Nora. "I appreciate how grateful my stepdad is for my work, however hard and frustrating some days are."

If there's one thing Nora wants others to know about the difficult job that so many do around the world it's that caregivers need support, too. Sometimes just a "thanks" can help.

"If you know a caregiver, ask them how they are, because it can be a really hard, thankless, and lonely job," she says. "Give praise, thank caregivers, and most of all, think about the fact that maybe one day you will need people who care for you as well. It is more common than what you believe."

Ben saw his role as a full-time caregiver as "bad casting" at first. Now he knows that "love conquers all."

[rebelmouse-image 19397859 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash" expand=1]Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

In 2015, Ben took his wife to the ER after she complained of severe abdominal pain. Tests revealed that she had an inoperable abdominal tumor. While aggressive therapy ultimately destroyed the tumor, that wasn't the end of Elizabeth's health problems. Right when she started feeling good again, she developed a back problem that's left her immobilized ever since. Treatment hasn't helped.

"I often have to help her get out of a chair and walk her to wherever she needs to go, and be ready twenty-four hours a day," writes Ben in an email. "Until a few months ago, Elizabeth couldn't even lie in bed — she had to sleep in her leather chair."

While both Ben and his wife are confident she'll get better, for now, she depends on him to get through the day. The couple has been together for 50 years, but Ben's found that his new role has taught him some important life lessons.

"The real stuff I've learned and continue to learn is about myself. My selfishness and ability to shut out another's discomfort when I want to are taking some big hits," he writes. "When I say that Elizabeth is the center of my life it is simply a statement of fact."

"I have to do nearly everything. This is exhausting but one does what is necessary, lazy and selfish or not. Caregiving to a beloved who is incapacitated is a real act of selfless love"

Ben has some advice for anyone who finds themselves in the position of becoming a primary caregiver to your partner: "Remember all your spouse means to you, all she/he has done for you and how much you have benefited from the relationship. You will be a better person from the experience."

No two caregivers do the same job. Each of their stories are unique. It's important to realize, though, that no matter the details, the work these people do is always invaluable.

Provide care around the clock is not easy, but as these stories illustrate, realizing the difference you're making in someone else's life is worth the challenge.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.


The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared on 03.17.23

Representative Image from Canva

There's no way they didn't understand what she was saying.

Okay, so maybe dogs don’t understand everything we tell them exactly as a human would. But is that gonna stop us from having full blown conversations with them? Of course not. And the times they do seem to comprehend what’s being communicated—pure comedy.

Take this dog mom’s hilarious pre-grooming pep talk with Shih-Tzus Branston, Pickle and Gizmo. She minced no words telling them exactly how this trip was gonna go. And the message seemed to be received.

Branston (the troublemaker, apparently) got a firm warning of what not to do, including telling white lies about his upbringing.

“I don’t need you running in telling the first dog you see that this is what this is what your hair used to look like when you lived in the Bronx running up and down the block, cause I know for a fact, Branston, that you live in a rural village,” she tells him.

Viewers, however, seemed on board with Branston’s Bronx-affiliation, even if it was a little white lie. One person joked, “don’t be mad at the treats that I got, I’m still Branny from the block.”

In the video, Branston is also instructed to not tell everyone that he “identifies as a BUll Mastiff,” which gets the most adorable look of disappointment for wee little Branston.

As for Gizmo and Pickle—mom’s best advice is to pretend like they don’t know Branston.

Perhaps the best part is mom’s British accent, which makes the entire clip feel like something pulled straight outta “Ted Lasso.” That, or the complete shock the Shih-tzu trio has at being informed of their weight class.

Watch:

@branstonandpickle01 Your NOT from the Bronx and you never ran up and down the block!! #dogsoftiktok #peptalktoyourdog #branstonwehavearrived #shihtzusoftiktok #peptalkbranston #funnydogvideos #funnyvideos #nyc #bronx #funny #dogs #dogtok ♬ original sound - Branston,Pickle&Gizmo

Perhaps Branston, Pickle, and Gizmo’s mom isn’t totally off-base by giving them a talking to. According to the website allshihtzu.com, this breed had a “unique intelligence,” which gets best demonstrated by their attuned, empathic connection to their human families. Meaning that while they might not have the same kind of smarts as border collies or other herding dogs, their super power is picking up social cues.

And, again, even if they had no earthly idea what their mom was saying, odds are she’d still be talking to them anyway. Why? Because pets are our babies. And baby talk is fun.jk

Island School Class, circa 1970s.

Parents, do you think your child would be able to survive if they were transported back to the '70s or '80s? Could they live at a time before the digital revolution put a huge chunk of our lives online?

These days, everyone has a phone in their pocket, but before then, if you were in public and needed to call someone, you used a pay phone. Can you remember the last time you stuck 50 cents into one and grabbed the grubby handset?

According to the U.S. Federal Communications Commission, roughly 100,000 pay phones remain in the U.S., down from 2 million in 1999.

Do you think a 10-year-old kid would have any idea how to use a payphone in 2022? Would they be able to use a Thomas Guide map to find out how to get somewhere? If they stepped into a time warp and wound up in 1975, could they throw a Led Zeppelin album on the record player at a party?


Another big difference between now and life in the '70s and '80s has been public attitudes toward smoking cigarettes. In 1965, 42.4% of Americans smoked and now, it’s just 12.5%. This sea change in public opinion about smoking means there are fewer places where smoking is deemed acceptable.

But in the early '80s, you could smoke on a bus, on a plane, in a movie theater, in restaurants, in the classroom and even in hospitals. How would a child of today react if their third grade teacher lit up a heater in the middle of math class?

Dan Wuori, senior director of early learning at the Hunt Institute, tweeted that his high school had a smoking area “for the kids.” He then asked his followers to share “something you experienced as a kid that would blow your children’s minds.”


A lot of folks responded with stories of how ubiquitous smoking was when they were in school. While others explained that life was perilous for a kid, whether it was the school playground equipment or questionable car seats.

Here are a few responses that’ll show today’s kids just how crazy life used to be in the '70s and '80s.

First of all, let’s talk about smoking.

Want to call someone? Need to get picked up from baseball practice? You can’t text mom or dad, you’ll have to grab a quarter and use a pay phone.

People had little regard for their kids’ safety or health.

You could buy a soda in school.

Things were a lot different before the internet.

Remember pen pals?

A lot of people bemoan the fact that the children of today aren’t as tough as they were a few decades back. But that’s probably because the parents of today are better attuned to their kids’ needs so they don't have to cheat death to make it through the day.

But just imagine how easy parenting would be if all you had to do was throw your kids a bag of Doritos and a Coke for lunch and you never worried about strapping them into a car seat?


This article originally appeared on 06.08.22

What is Depression?

In the United States, close to 10% of the population has depression, but sometimes it can take a long time for someone to even understand that they have it.

One difficulty in diagnosis is trying to distinguish between feeling down and experiencing clinical depression. This TED-Ed video from December 2015 can help make the distinction. With simple animation, the video explains how clinical depression lasts longer than two weeks with a range of symptoms that can include changes in appetite, poor concentration, restlessness, sleep disorders (either too much or too little), and suicidal ideation. The video briefly discusses the neuroscience behind the illness, outlines treatments, and offers advice on how you can help a friend or loved one who may have depression.


Unlike the many pharmaceutical ads out there with their cute mascots and vague symptoms, the video uses animation to provide clarity about the mental disorder. It's similar in its poignant simplicity to the HBO short documentary "My Depression," based on Liz Swados' book of the same name.


This article originally appeared on 08.17.19

New baby and a happy dad.


When San Francisco photographer Lisa Robinson was about to have her second child, she was both excited and nervous.

Sure, those are the feelings most moms-to-be experience before giving birth, but Lisa's nerves were tied to something different.

She and her husband already had a 9-year-old son but desperately wanted another baby. They spent years trying to get pregnant again, but after countless failed attempts and two miscarriages, they decided to stop trying.


Of course, that's when Lisa ended up becoming pregnant with her daughter, Anora. Since it was such a miraculous pregnancy, Lisa wanted to do something special to commemorate her daughter's birth.

So she turned to her craft — photography — as a way to both commemorate the special day, and keep herself calm and focused throughout the birthing process.

Normally, Lisa takes portraits and does wedding photography, so she knew the logistics of being her own birth photographer would be a somewhat precarious new adventure — to say the least.

pregnancy, hospital, giving birth, POV

She initially suggested the idea to her husband Alec as a joke.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"After some thought," she says, "I figured I would try it out and that it could capture some amazing memories for us and our daughter."

In the end, she says, Alec was supportive and thought it would be great if she could pull it off. Her doctors and nurses were all for Lisa taking pictures, too, especially because it really seemed to help her manage the pain and stress.

In the hospital, she realized it was a lot harder to hold her camera steady than she initially thought it would be.

tocodynamometer, labor, selfies

She had labor shakes but would periodically take pictures between contractions.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Eventually when it was time to push and I was able to take the photos as I was pushing, I focused on my daughter and my husband and not so much the camera," she says.

"I didn't know if I was in focus or capturing everything but it was amazing to do.”

The shots she ended up getting speak for themselves:

nurse, strangers, medical care,

Warm and encouraging smiles from the nurse.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

experiment, images, capture, document, record

Newborn Anora's first experience with breastfeeding.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Everybody was supportive and kind of surprised that I was able to capture things throughout. I even remember laughing along with them at one point as I was pushing," Lisa recalled.

In the end, Lisa was so glad she went through with her experiment. She got incredible pictures — and it actually did make her labor easier.

Would she recommend every mom-to-be document their birth in this way? Absolutely not. What works for one person may not work at all for another.

However, if you do have a hobby that relaxes you, figuring out how to incorporate it into one of the most stressful moments in your life is a pretty good way to keep yourself calm and focused.

Expecting and love the idea of documenting your own birthing process?

Take some advice from Lisa: "Don't put pressure on yourself to get 'the shot'" she says, "and enjoy the moment as much as you can.”

Lisa's mom took this last one.

grandma, hobby, birthing process

Mom and daughter earned the rest.

Photo via Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

This article originally appeared on 06.30.16