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I have a mental disorder. This is what happened when I tried to buy a gun.

How does buying a gun actually compare to getting psychiatric treatment? I decided to find out for myself.

It’s 7 a.m., and a police officer stops me at the gate of the only road that leads to Moon Island.

She asks me for my pass, which I scramble to retrieve from my messenger bag in the backseat of the car. Moon Island is a restricted property controlled by the city of Boston, even though it’s technically in the city of Quincy. But this is hardly the most bizarre or confusing part about my day. Because Moon Island is also the location of the Boston Police shooting range, and I’m here to take a target test so I can get my gun permit.

The officer furrows her brow as she checks my range pass, and I wonder if it’s that obvious that I’ve never actually shot a real gun before in my life.


She tells me to wait outside for 10 or 15 minutes because the range instructors don’t like it when people are early. This is the exact opposite of what the licensing officer told me when I scheduled my appointment three days earlier: "Try to arrive about 15 minutes early," she said. "The range instructors are nice guys, but they don’t like to be kept waiting."

Obviously, I’m off to a good start.

I drive across a land bridge and stand outside for a while, making small talk with some police cadets who are also there as part of their training. "You here for your permit test?" one of them says to me. "You’re the smart one." I’m not sure if this is meant as positive support for obtaining a gun permit or a joke about slogging through police academy. But it’s 7 o'clock in the morning, and I’m really not at my best.

When I finally walk inside the small classroom cabin at exactly 7:15 a.m., I make a mental note of the other people there to take the test — a white guy who looks to be in his 50s or 60s, a Hispanic guy in his 20s, and a straight white couple in their 20s or early 30s.

The instructor looks up at me, shakes his head, and says, "You’re late."

Then he hands me a bucket with 30 rounds and a .38 revolver.

Wait. Let’s back up. There’s something you should know about me before I go on about the shooting range: I have ADHD. And it has a huge effect on my life.

My brain is a massive ocean of too much information. Without my medication for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it’s easy for me to get lost in the undertow. No matter how hard I try to fight the current, I still get overwhelmed and distracted by every strange texture I feel beneath my feet. This never goes away.

All illustrations by Kitty Curran.

And the medications that do manage to help me a little? They aren’t easy to get.

One of those is Adderall. I remember back in the spring of 2013 waiting around at CVS when a frowning pharmacist called me to the counter. Thanks to its status as a Schedule II controlled substance (such as barbiturates or opioids), there are no automatic renewals for Adderall prescriptions, and the doctor can’t call or fax one in either.

So every month, the routine goes like this: I call the doctor’s office three to five days before the end of the prescription cycle (but no sooner than 21 days since my last prescription was filled), then wait a few days for the request to get from the receptionist to the doctor. Then I travel in person to pick up the new prescription and hand-deliver it to the pharmacy.

But it doesn’t always go smoothly — like on that spring day in question. I was sitting in the CVS after I’d already gone a few days without my medicine, which made me all the more eager to get back to my "normal" functionality as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the pharmacist informed me they were out of stock and weren’t expecting another shipment for a week. D’oh.

With my prescription in hand, I biked over to another CVS, but they too were out of stock and would be for a while. This time, the pharmacist explained that the country was in the midst of a national shortage of Adderall, which had apparently been caused by some confusing collision of agendas between the Drug Enforcement Administration, the Food and Drug Administration, and big pharmaceutical companies.

So I showed up at a third CVS that day and was elated to learn they actually had the medicine!

But 10 minutes of waiting turned into 15, then 45, and I went to check if everything was OK. It wasn’t. Massachusetts law requires pharmacies to substitute generic-brand medications unless otherwise specified by the doctor. But it turned out that my insurance only covered the name-brand version of Adderall, which they couldn’t give me because my doctor had not written "no substitutions" by his signature.

"Can’t I just write 'no substitutions' by myself with a pen? How would you even know if it was the doctor or not?" I asked.

"Well, I would know now," the pharmacist said. "And that would be fraud."

She had me there.

So I got back on my bike, went back to the hospital where I’d already been once that day, and waited in line again. I explained the whole scenario as I asked the receptionist to please just write "no substitutions" on my existing prescription. Because remember: These prescriptions aren’t accepted by phone or email or fax, and they’re only allowed to write me one a month.

After some five hours and 15 miles of biking back and forth (and enough stress to kill an elephant), I got my prescription. But that was just for one month. And while this was certainly a worst-case scenario, it’s unfortunately not so far off from every other month.

If you’re wondering what my monthly quest for ADHD meds has to do with buying a gun, you’re not the only one.

On Oct. 4, 2015, I was sitting in my parents’ couch, sipping on a whiskey, while my father watched CNN's coverage of the Umpqua Community College shooting that had claimed 10 lives just a few days earlier. We had just returned from a suicide awareness walk, and I couldn’t help but cringe each time the shooter’s mental health was brought into question by the news anchors, police chief, and other pundits. At one point, a reporter even questioned the shooter’s father directly about his son’s "mental makeup" despite the fact that the man was clearly in shock and mourning.

It’s the argument made famous by Ann Coulter: "Guns don’t kill people, the mentally ill do."

But the truth is far from that. Here are the facts:

People with mental illnesses make up about 20% of the population, and they are significantly more likely to be victims than perpetrators of gun violence in the United States. And more than half of gun-related deaths in the United States are suicides.

Realistically, less than 5% of gun-related killings from 2001-2010 were perpetrated by someone with a diagnosed mental illness, according to a study published in the American Journal of Public Health in 2015. Mass shootings in particular account for less than 1% of firearm deaths, and some sources project mental illness figure into only about half of those.

I mean, it’s just kind of hard to draw any useful predictions or conclusions from those kinds of fractions.

So as I sat and listened to yet another dour cable news expert rattle on about how the 20% of Americans who are like me are basically tragic but indisputable monsters because we have psychiatric conditions, I decided I'd just about had enough of this unfounded link between mental health and gun rights. I grabbed my laptop and decided right then that I wanted to investigate this system.

Within five minutes, I’d found a listing for a Cobra 380 Derringer Big Bore pistol in Kentucky. It was hot pink and only cost $114.95. I made a burner Google phone number and email address and sent a message to the dealer that I was interested.

He called me 10 minutes later.

People with ADHD — we tend to be a little bit impulsive. So it’s a good thing I live in Massachusetts.

Gun laws vary from state to state, and — as I would eventually learn during the licensing process — this is a major factor in our nation’s gun problem. While Kentucky’s laws are very loose, for example, all online gun sales in the country must be shipped to a licensed dealer in the buyer’s home state. This meant that my little pink Saturday Night Special was going to be harder to get than I had hoped because I’d have to obtain a Massachusetts gun license first.

But it didn’t take long for me to learn that there are plenty of simple and semi-legal ways around this, too.

Most gun-control rankings consider Massachusetts to be the third-strictest state for guns in the union; by comparison, Kentucky ranks around 42nd. Massachusetts also has one of the lowest rates of gun-related deaths per capita, although it’s only fair to point out that correlation isn’t necessarily causation.

But if I was really determined to get a gun, I could have just applied for a Utah gun permit (which is available to any U.S. resident by mail for just $49 and is recognized in 36 other states) then driven an hour north to New Hampshire and purchased a rifle there. Or, I could have changed my legal residence to my in-laws' house in Vermont — I do spend enough time there, even if it is legally questionable. In both cases, I could still purchase and own a gun, even though I legally could not use it in my actual home state of Massachusetts.

This a pretty good summation of how confusing, obnoxious, and generally manipulable our country’s state-by-state gun laws are.

It's important to note that I didn’t actually want this pistol. I didn't plan to use it all. But I wanted to know if getting a gun really was as simple as they said it was, especially given the bureaucratic frustrations that I’d already lived through in my attempts to get proper mental health care. Gun control advocates and gun enthusiasts always seem to be talking past each other, and I thought that if I actually learned firsthand about how to buy a gun, I would be better able to understand the arguments on both sides of that debate and communicate with people instead of at them.

(Also, the city of Boston offers a gun buyback program that pays $200 no questions asked, and I thought it would be kind of hilarious if I could make a profit off of a cheap, crappy gun.)

As tempting as it was to try and skirt the system just to say I did it, though, I decided to go through the proper Massachusetts licensing process to see what it was like. So I signed up for the next available gun safety course in my area — which was eight miles away — and started the course 16 hours later.

That's how I ended up at a plastic folding table in a desolate warehouse just outside Boston at 9 a.m. on a dreary Saturday morning.

The bulk of this wide-open industrial space was a lobby of sorts, littered with gym mats and home exercise equipment. There was an empty glass display case to the left where inventory should have been and a few decorative firearms hanging on a section of the wall. The classroom part was sectioned off, with a few NRA posters to add pops of color to the otherwise bland drywall.

I took a seat toward the center-back, behind a friendly middle-aged couple from the nearby suburb of Tewksbury. I was genuinely impressed by the diversity of the room — seven women, including a black woman and a Hispanic woman, and 11 men, including one Asian man.

The three-hour NRA-certified class cost $100 cash, and the first half-hour consisted entirely of an instructional safety video created by someone with the National Rifle Association. Maybe it was my ADHD, which in my case, is accompanied by auditory processing problems, but it was really hard to sit still through 30 minutes of things like this:

"When a gun’s trigger is pulled, a specific sequence of events occurs. First, the firing pin strikes the primer or case rim and ignites the priming compound. The flame generated by the priming compound ignites the powder charge. The powder burns rapidly and generates a large volume of hot, high-pressure gas. At this time, the case walls expand against the walls of the chamber to form a gas seal. Finally, the high pressure gas propels the bullet out of the barrel at a high velocity."

Did your eyes gloss over? Mine did. It felt like a driver’s ed teacher explaining the combustion sequence of the engine, which might save you some money at the auto shop but isn’t necessarily going to make you a more responsible driver. It's certainly helpful to know how a gun works, but these dry and overly technical hardware explainers didn't actually teach me much.

The "safety" aspects of the video were mostly focused on gun ranges, proper home care, and storage for the firearm. And there were occasional mentions that yes, you should also be carrying it on your person at all times. According to this video, all gun-related incidents were "accidents," which were only caused by ignorance or carelessness.

So what exactly constitutes "safe pistol operation"? This was made explicitly clear:

"Knowing all the gun's safety rules is not enough to ensure safe shooting. Having a safety-oriented attitude is the most important factor in shooting safety. Thus, you should focus not only on learning the rules, but also on developing the type of attitude that ensures that you will follow them at all times."

In other words, safety is the practice of being safe, which you should do because it’s important and, thus, safe. Got it!

Oh, and there was something else about how you’re not supposed to operate a firearm under the influence of recreational drugs, prescription narcotics, depressants, or stimulants. But even with my Adderall, I was having trouble paying attention to the stale mechanical language in the video.

And there’s no way that it could be safer and legally required for me to be off my medication when shooting a gun ... right?

After the video, the instructor explained the basic local laws to us.

He was a heavy-set Italian-American man in a matched grey jumpsuit with a thick North Shore accent, and he did not hesitate to add the disclaimer that he was not a legal expert and that if anyone had any real questions about gun laws in the state of Massachusetts (which he only ever referred to as "Stupid-chusetts" and made us repeat that un-clever nickname back to him several times), they should consult a lawyer.

He explained that there are three different kinds of gun permits you can get in Massachusetts: the firearm identification card (FID), which limits the user to a rifle or a shotgun; a restricted license to carry (LTC), which allows for handguns and semiautomatics as long as they’re kept in the home or in the trunk of your car; or an unrestricted license to carry (LTC), which allows you to conceal-carry anywhere you’d like.

As for how to get each of these licenses? That’s where things get a little more complicated because it all depends on the laws of the town in which you reside, not the town you’re in when you’re carrying that gun. And when pressed on the details of what happens when, say, a Kentucky resident with a conceal-carry license shows up in Boston, the instructor just told us to repeat: "Stupid-chusetts."

For the most part, the instructor seemed to be less concerned about gun safety or etiquette than he was in helping us to not get arrested.

"You have to cover yourself," he explained. "Remember: It’s your gun. No discharging the gun within 150 feet of a home or a highway. So if you see Bambi running across the highway, you do not go over and start shooting at her. Everybody understand?"

He then reminded us that we cannot exercise our right to bear arms while in prison. In general, "exercising our right" did seem to take priority over, erm, anything else about guns.

While the instructor did insist that we do our best to follow all laws and signs that restrict us from carrying a gun with us into certain places, he also made it clear that this was stupid, even though it was the law. "Picture your kids in a classroom right now, some maniac comes through and starts shooting at everyone. There’s no such thing as shelter."

As if right on cue, he said, "The only thing that stops that guy is a gun. So they need to change that law so that teachers can start carrying guns. Everyone should be carrying a gun. If they haven’t realized that now, something’s gonna happen and they will. 'Gun free zones' do not work. They only bring the maniacs in."

Then he sighed and conceded, "But if you do see a sign that says 'no guns allowed,' it’s best to just obey the rules, OK?"

Perhaps the most interesting thing I learned that day was that it is, in fact, illegal to own a grenade launcher in the state of Massachusetts.

This is part of the reason that Massachusetts is considered such a strict state for gun owners: Even when you have obtained that license to carry, there are some extra rules about what you can and cannot own thanks to a statewide ban on "assault weapons."

Our instructor explained that the state restricts the length of your gun barrel, for example, and has an outright ban on high-capacity magazines of more than 10 bullets (which rules out anything made after September 1994, and these laws have been tightened even more since I took this class).

To be fair, there’s no clear evidence that banning semiautomatic weapons affects gun violence rates either way. In criticizing this law, the instructor did make a valid point: If someone is intent on murder, it’s not going to make much of a difference whether they have a 27-inch barrel or a 29-inch barrel.

But the rest of the class seemed particularly appalled at the idea that the government would dare impede their constitutional right to a grenade launcher. In fact, there was some brief confusion about which amendment, exactly, guaranteed our right to a grenade launcher. The instructor assured us that it was the Second.

10 weeks later, I checked off my next "gun owner" box at the Boston Police headquarters, where I swapped stories about day drinking during the Boston Marathon with an officer while she rolled my fingerprints.

That’s another fun detail about Massachusetts’ gun laws that you won’t find in most other states: You have go down to the police station and meet with an officer for an in-person background check. There’s no mandatory waiting period for this — you could feasibly show up the very next business day after you’ve taken your safety course — but since I’m a resident of Boston proper, things were booked up pretty far in advance.

One officer told me that it used to take two to four weeks to make an appointment in Boston. But ever since President Barack Obama announced his executive plan in January 2016, the phones had been running off the hook with residents who were eager to get a gun before the government took that right away from them entirely.

They said they were processing upward of 30 new LTC requests per day, and a surprising amount of them were from 21-year-old college students who were eager to accomplish this particular rite of passage. Car at 16, gun at 21 — for some people, that’s just how it goes, the officer said.

The actual interview and background check process was … fairly simple.

My small talk and banter with the licensing officer was surprisingly delightful. She explained to me that the Boston Police Department isn’t interested in preventing people from exercising their Constitutional right to bear arms. They just want to make sure that those who are armed fill a very basic and mostly objective criteria of competence and character.

What this meant was a few basic questions: Had I ever been convicted of a felony or violent crime or anything involving alcohol, narcotics, or operating under the influence? Had I been dishonorably discharged from the military, or had I ever been the subject of a court-sanctioned restraining order? Had I ever been committed to a hospital or institution for mental illness or substance abuse?

The formal part of this questioning lasted all of 15 minutes. I wrote "personal safety" on the official paperwork as my reason for obtaining an LTC, and that was good enough; no questions asked.

After the officer took my photo — and after I approved of the webcam-quality mugshot that would appear on my physical license — I asked what would happen if I had answered "yes" to any of the necessary questions. She said that some of them were dealbreakers while others simply required a written explanation and subsequent fact-checking.

I was surprised to learn that anyone who had ever been imprisoned for operating a motor vehicle while under the influence was banned for life from obtaining an LTC in Massachusetts. Felonies, restraining orders, and other situations, however, were evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

This might sound concerning, but the officer made a valid point in her explanation: People do dumb stuff all the time, and we’re all human, so you shouldn’t lose your rights just because you were a stupid high school senior who got caught with some pot or a stolen candy bar.

The only trick was, and still is, figuring out where to draw the line. Unfortunately, there's no objective criteria for what causes gun violence — and even if there was, the government wouldn't be allowed to find it. It would technically be discrimination if we didn't allow innocent people with psychiatric conditions (or disabilities or brown skin) to exercise their Constitutional rights. And it's not the job of the police to pass moral judgment on every would-be gun owner — nor should it be.

So that was that, I guess.

Then, finally, I ended up on Moon Island four days later, at the Boston Police shooting range, to try to pass a target test even though I’d never shot a gun before.

That’s the other thing Boston has that the rest of Massachusetts doesn’t: a mandatory shooting test. If I lived across the river in Cambridge — or in any of the 36 states that recognize that Utah gun license — I could legally get my hands on a firearm without ever actually touching one. But as a resident of the city of Boston, I also had to prove a bare minimum basic competency with a firearm before they’d let me buy one for myself.

At one point during my test, one of the range instructors saw me struggling to steady the .38 revolver in my hands, possibly because I had never held an actual gun in my hands before that morning. (And also I wasn’t on my Adderall because it’s illegal to operate firearms while under the influence of any kind of medication.) He walked over to me while I was reloading and offered some friendly advice. "Focus on the sight, not the target," he said. "Don’t pull the trigger, squeeze. Just breathe, relax, and keep it steady."

I did what he said — or tried to, anyway. Then I heard a loud pong come from somewhere near my target paper. "That was a pole," the instructor said. "You’re supposed to hit the target. Not the pole. And what’d my pole ever do to you?"

Oops.


That first time I took the shooting test was my first time handling a gun. 14 of my 30 bullets didn’t even hit the paper, let alone the target in the center of it.

In order to pass, you have to score a minimum of 210 out of 300 possible points on a standard target with rings for eight, nine, and 10 points. If you fail the first time, you can try again within two weeks; and if you fail the second time, you have to wait six months to try again.

They wouldn’t even tell me what I scored the first time around because it was so embarrassingly low. But they did make sure to tease me about losing to a girl — as it turned out, the only woman in our five-person group got the second-highest score.

Passive-aggressive sexist bravado aside, the test administrators were still surprisingly encouraging. They said they were confident I would pass the next time as long as I was relaxed and focused.

"We want everyone to pass, but if you can’t do it, we can’t pass you," one of them said as I left.

"And you know, if you’re close but not quite there, we’ll bump your score up for ya. We’re nice like that," said the other.

"We don’t actually do that," said the first one, with a glare.

When I returned two weeks later, I managed to score 256 points out of a possible 300, making me the highest sharpshooter on the range that day.

All I had to do was relax, take my time, keep both eyes open on the gun sights, and squeeze the trigger when I felt ready.

It might sound silly to enforce that shooting test requirement if someone like me can pass with flying colors the second time around. But I’d counter by saying that it taught me how to respect handling a firearm, which could make a difference for the hundreds of people who are killed and the tens of thousands more who are injured each year by "unintentional" firearm incidents. And frankly, that sounds a lot safer to me than letting any ol’ American walk into a gun store and leave with an M82, having never so much as ranked a high score on Duck Hunt beforehand.

As the licensing officer explained to me before I took (and re-took) the target test, only about 1% of applicants actually fail on both tries — not because of an inability to hit a target, but because they displayed dangerously questionable behaviors or attitudes on the range. If they acted like they were in a Western or a Quentin Tarantino film, for example, the officers on Moon Island would call up the licensing department and say, "That guy? No way." Even if they did ace the test.

That might be a bit subjective, but it's also a pretty low bar, so I'm totally OK with it.

So that's how I, Thom Dunn, someone with a mental disorder and who tends toward impulsiveness and distractibility, was granted a license to carry by the state of Massachusetts.

In these highly specific circumstances, a successful gun licensing process like the one in Massachusetts takes about as much time as it does to get a mental health diagnosis or to find an available therapist — about six to eight weeks if you’re lucky and up to six months if you’re not. And that’s in one of the country’s largest hubs for medical and life sciences. Most other states have fewer health care options and looser gun requirements.

And that's really the crux of it: Once you have a gun license — if your state even requires that much — you can buy a gun, and you’re good to go. $500 will get you a decent semiautomatic pistol and a box of bullets.

Mental health care, on the other hand, is an ongoing treatment. It’s not like a cold or a broken leg that mends over time. You have to keep up with prescription renewals, with therapy, and so on. You might learn to manage it over time, but it never really goes away. And when you're treated like a leper or made to feel like you're broken or weak just for seeking help — which tends to happen in this country — that only serves to make the problem worse.

I embarked on this whole journey because I was fed up with the link between guns and mental health. And now that I have a gun license, I'm still fed up with it.

Before I got my license to carry, I wasn’t a big fan of guns. And to be fair, I’m still not.

But I also have a whole new understanding of just how complicated the gun violence issue really is and how hard it is to determine who can or can't have a gun.

Blaming violence on neurological conditions like ADHD or schizophrenia or bipolar disorder is about as ridiculous as saying, "It's not guns! It's Fridays!" Sure, there's been some overlap, but not enough for us to make any useful conclusions about it. People with mental illnesses are fully capable of leading happy, healthy lives, and their decision-making processes aren’t necessarily affected by their conditions. (And if they are, it doesn't usually manifest as flying fits of violent rage.)

But the question still stands: How do we stop guns from getting in the hands of would-be killers?

After learning how to handle a gun, I am more comfortable with their general existence, and I’m glad to have had the chance to speak with normal, rational human gun owners who, like me, were concerned about safety. Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised by that last part — after all, 74% of NRA members agree on the need for stronger universal background checks.

But to fix this, we can't punish or restrict innocent people before they've ever committed a crime. What we can do instead is the bare minimum due diligence in making sure that those who do have access to guns are of sound physical and mental condition — regardless of whether they have a psychiatric condition.

I actually think that a system like the one in Massachusetts could be a good place to start for that, but I'm open to a dialogue.

(There's also that issue of states' rights, which enable people to legally obtain illegal firearms just by driving to another state, but that's a whole huge conversation in and of itself to table for another time.)

As much as we like to think of ourselves as rational beings, research shows that our personal perceptions color the way we look at the world — for better and for worse.

Unfortunately, our public discourse about guns tends to revolve around mass shootings, which only make up a fraction of the overall gun deaths in the country. Often, we ignore the evidence to the contrary and convince ourselves instead that anyone who kills another person has to be mentally ill. But "being a murderer" is not the same as having a mental illness.

These fears and perceptions are why some people do actually feel safer with a gun despite the mounting evidence to the contrary.

They're why we talk about "criminals" and "bad guys" with guns like they're a faceless, monolithic evil. They're why attempted suicide is a felony in some states but killing someone based on a subjective claim of self-defense is legal in others.

And they're why we keep wrongly equating gun violence with mental illness.

It sounds strange, but these perceptions are a natural part of "healthy" human brain function. However, they also contribute more to our continued gun problem than mental illness ever will because they prevent us from having a productive conversation.

Perhaps the biggest roadblocks in addressing our nation's problem with gun violence, then, are fear and a lack of empathy — on every side of every argument.

As we've seen throughout history, one bullet has the power to change the world.

But so does a single idea. And it all comes down to the difference between those two things.

Bullets are made for destruction, even when they're used in self-defense. But ideas can be used to create. And I think that's a much more powerful thing.

There's a lot of complicated ground to address around guns in America. But it all boils down to the fact that violence only ever begets violence. If we want to live in a safer, saner world, then we need to stop exchanging bullets and start exchanging our ideas instead.

Visit Sweden
True

It’s no secret that modern life is stressful. Burnout is an epidemic. The World Health Organization boldly stated its dedicated efforts to help people improve their health and well-being through nature.

And thanks to a new initiative, Sweden is stepping up to offer a new holistic remedy: a physician-prescribed visit to Sweden, aka “The Swedish Prescription”.

“We have made great strides in making nature/social/culture prescription a more integral part of public health in the United States– but there is still so much more to be done,” said Dr. Stacy Stryer, Associate Medical Director for Park RxAmerica.“I welcome Sweden’s initiative and hope it will help break down institutional and organizational barriers, ultimately benefiting all patients.”

AdvertisementPatients can escape to Sweden’s pristine environment for true respite. Backed by scientific data and research from Yvonne Forsell, Senior Professor at Karolinska Institutet, healthcare professionals can prescribe Sweden as a destination where patients engage in non-medical treatments and outdoor activities to ease their ailments and offer a fresh reset.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Restore body and mind with the Swedish ritual of alternating ice baths and saunas. Swim, hike or forage through silent forests, lakes, parks and nature reserves – or simply sit in the stillness. Witness the Northern Lights dancing across winter skies, or soak up the calm of the summer midnight sun. In Stockholm, Europe’s clean-air capital, take a deep breath and feel the difference.

Or skip the great outdoors and spend time embracing Sweden’s unique cultural practices. “Our cozy fika tradition [Sweden’s daily pause for coffee and conversation], our “lagom”-balanced lifestyle [the idea of “not too much, not too little”] and our easily accessible nature are a soothing balm for body and mind,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

Sit back in front of a masterpiece in one of Sweden’s many art museums, or head out to a live music event after browsing concert options on Swedish-founded Spotify. You might catch chart-topping hits from producer Max Martin or discover the country’s thriving metal scene. Call it an early – or late – night, and enjoy restorative sleep in Sweden’s cool night air.

Sweden is the therapeutic destination your health has been craving. Learn more about “The Swedish Prescription” and its benefits for your mental and physical health here.

Image courtesy of Reddit/Slow-moving-sloth

Foods like casseroles were popular during the 1970s.

All things old are new again—and the same goes for classic recipes.

For those who grew up during the 1970s (that's Baby Boomers and Generation Jones), staple dishes that were served at the dinner table are being rediscovered on Reddit by newer generations looking for filling, comforting, and affordable meals.

According to JSTOR, actress Liza Minelli first coined "comfort food" back in 1970. Minelli told food columnist Johna Blinn, "Comfort food is anything you just yum, yum, yum."

Meals from the 1970s are nostalgic and also budget friendly. Try making one of these comforting recipes from Redditors that will fill you up and not break the bank.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Tuna casserole

"I LITERALLY made a tuna casserole last night & had the leftovers for lunch today." - Disastrous-Soup-5413, RogerClyneIsAGod2

Turkey (or chicken) tetrazzini

"Tetrazzini is a creamy pasta dish with turkey (or chicken) chicken, mushrooms, and cheese." - Disastrous-Soup-5413

Liver and onions

"Liver and onions, mashed potatoes and a green salad made with iceberg lettuce, tomatoes cut in wedges, cucumber slices .. peeled and miracle whip salad dressing." - Kaktusblute

Quiche Lorraine

"A family favorite quiche recipe from the 1970’s. The secret? Half a cup of mayonnaise and an unreasonable quantity of cheese. My mom uses sweet onion instead of green onion, but otherwise made as written:

1/2 c. real mayonnaise
1/2 c. milk
2 eggs
1 Tbsp. corn starch
1 1/2 c. cubed cooked ham
1 1/2 c. (about 1/2 pound) chopped Swiss cheese
1/3 c. sliced green onion
Dash pepper
1 unbaked 9" pastry shell

Mix together real mayonnaise, milk, eggs and corn starch until smooth. Stir in ham, cheese, onion and pepper. Turn into pastry shell. Bake in 350 degree Fahrenheit oven 35-40 minutes until golden brown on top and knife inserted comes out clean." - banoctopus

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Cheese fondue

"For fondue, you can go in a few different directions. Cubed crusty bread is one of the classic ways to dip into cheese fondue, but you could use fruits, vegetables, chunks of cooked or cured sausages, so long as they will keep their structural integrity." - Bluecat72

Meatloaf and baked potatoes

"A basic meatloaf is ground beef, minced onions, bread crumbs, an egg and a squirt of ketchup for moisture, salt, pepper, garlic powder.. whatever you like. Get your hands in there and squish it all together until thoroughly mixed. Form into a vague loaf shape on a pan and bake at 350 for an hour. Poke a couple potatoes with a fork and cook them in the microwave for 5-7 minutes. Enjoy a meatloaf sandwich with mustard for lunch the next day 😋." - yblame

Pork chops with rice and cream of mushroom soup

"Brown the chops, take them out of the pan, pour in rice, soup and water, stir to combine. Put the pork chops on top. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until rice is cooked. Tossed green salad: iceberg lettuce, chopped scallions, tomatoes, cucumbers, Wishbone Italian Dressing." - hicjacket

Salmon croquettes

"Salmon croquettes were a staple of my childhood. Canned salmon, saltine crackers, and an egg. We called them croquettes but naw, they were shaped into salmon patties." - DazzlingBullfrog9, throwawaytodaycat

Mexican casserole

"Brown ground beef, stir in a can of tomato sauce and 1 sliced green onion. Mix together a cup of sour cream, a cup of cottage cheese and a can of chopped green chilies. In a 9x13 pan, layer crushed tortilla chips, meat, cream mixture and grated Colby-jack or Colby cheese. Repeat layers. Bake until hot and bubbly." - Open-Gazelle1767

Hamburger Stroganoff

"One pound ground beef, 1 package Lipton onion soup mix, 1 can cream of mushroom or chicken soup, sour cream. Brown the ground beef, stir in the can of soup and soup mix. Stir in the sour cream until it looks right...I think it's a half pint, but maybe a whole pint. Serve over rice for the 2 kids who eat rice and egg noodles for the one kid who doesn't." - Open-Gazelle1767

Shake 'N Bake Chicken

"Shake’n Bake chicken or pork chops. 'And I helped!' Preheat oven to 400F. Moisten chicken with water. Place breasts in Shake-n-Bake shaker bag. Shake the bag vigorously to coat the chicken. Bake for 20 minutes if boneless, 45 minutes if it does have bones." - Karin58

@allrecipes

Where are all the Shake n Bake girlies? 🍗 Today @nicolesperfectbite is showing you how to make this classic bread coating at home—and dare we say better than the original? 👀 #instafood #food #foodie #shakenbake #bake #chicken #breadcrumbs #paprika #garlic #onion #powder #meat #breading #bread #easy #easyrecipe #recipe #quickandeasy #weeknightdinner

Grilled cheese and tomato soup

"Still my favorite thing to eat, but now I make my own tomato bisque, my own bread, and use Gouda or cheddar. Back then Mom made this for Friday lunch: Campbell's tomato soup (made with milk) and the grilled cheese was two slices of five-loaves-for-a-dollar white bread with Velveeta, grilled with Miami Maid margarine in the Revere Ware skillet." - Mindless_Pop_632, mulberryred

Pork sausage and rice

"I grew up in the 70s and my mother made this sausage and rice dish at least once a month. The recipe is from Peg Bracken's I Hate To Cook Book. Crumble 1 to 1 1/2 pounds of pork sausage (hamburger will do, but pork is better) into a skillet and brown it. Pour off the fat. Add:

1 green pepper, chopped
2 green onions, chopped
2 or 3 celery stalks, chopped
2 c. chicken consommé or bouillon
1 c. raw rice
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. salt

Put on the lid and let it simmer at lowest possible heat for 1 hour." - officerbirb

Sloppy Joes

"Classic Sloppy Joes. My family had these regularly in the ‘70s." - ThatPtarmiganAgain

Pop Culture

24 English words that mean the complete opposite of what they originally meant

There was a time when we'd want this story to be egregious and hopefully not awesome.

Fizzle used to mean fart?

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at someone using “literally” to mean “figuratively,” you’re not alone. Every generation has its linguistic hills to die on. Words that, to some ears, have drifted too far from their “real” meaning.

But here’s the thing: words have been evolving for as long as there have been humans to speak them. Language moves the way people move, shifting through time, place, and culture. And along the way, it reinvents itself in some pretty fascinating ways.

Think about how “awful” once meant “awe-inspiring,” how “nice” used to mean “foolish,” or how “girl” once referred to any young person, not just a female one. The English we speak today is like a living history book, rewritten every time we open our mouths.

Here are a few more terrific examples (and by that we mean in the modern sense of “excellent,” not “terrifying”) that show just how dramatically English has changed. And how, in the end, everything turns out just fine.

Artificial

This one still mostly means what it has always meant, in that it refers to something not naturally made. However, it originally implied some kind of artfully or skillfully made object. Now when we say something is artificial, we are almost certainly not praising it.

Awful & Awesome

Awe” comes from either the old Norse word “agi” or the old Middle English word “ege.” Both meant terror or fear. Therefore, both “awesome” and “awful” once meant more or less the same thing: something that inspires a fearful reverence. Dread mixed with deep admiration, that kind of thing. Something awe-SOME had a little less oomph than some aw-FUL, but otherwise they carried the same meaning.

In that sense, today’s version of “awful,” i.e. something that utterly dreadful, is truer to its original iteration than “awesome,” usually denoting something generally positive.

words, etymology, language, history, cool history, word nerds, english, english language, interesting Awesome gif media1.giphy.com

Bemused

Its old meaning was "to confuse, or to stupefy,” as if you hit someone with some kind of magic spell. Merriam-Webster still defines “bemuse” this way, but colloquially we use it to convey amused pondering.

And you know what? Considering there are plenty of synonyms for "confused, we can afford to let this one go.

Bully

Crazy to think that a word originally meaning “sweetheart” now takes on a nearly opposite meaning…unless your sweetheart likes to throw you in lockers and give you swirlies. One theory is that it became associated with “ruffian” because a bully may have been a “protector of a prostitute.” Still, those that still say “bully for you!” know that it can still take on a positive context.

Condescending

In the 18th century, it was seen as a kind, generous, humble gesture when an upper class person was kind enough to talk to a lower class person instead of ignoring them or treating them like a servant (what a concept!). By the 19th century, however, the word had already developed the negative connotation we use today.

Egregious

Egregious comes from the Latin ex grege, meaning "rising above the flock." Therefore, it meant exceptional or distinguished. You could argue that today egregious still means something exceptional…just exceptionally bad.

Factoid

Factoids used to be public statements that seemed like facts, but weren’t necessarily. Fact-adjacent, if you will. Or better yet, they were bits of fake news. Now we liken factoids to fairly unimportant bits of trivia. But they’re at least accurate!

Fathom

It can be hard to fathom how this verb went from meaning “to encircle with one’s arms” to meaning understanding something complex, until you know that outstretched arms could be used to measure a fathom, which is equal to about six feet (usually in term of depth of water). Once you had a grasp on what a fathom of water was, you could better measure the depth of the sea. We might not be as seafaring as our ancestors, but we are still trying to get a better idea of the world around us.

Fizzle

The verb fizzle once referred to the act of producing quiet flatulence. In the mid-1800s, scientists began using "fizzle" to describe the sound of air or gas escaping from a narrow opening, which led to its application for a weak or sputtering noise. From there, American college students took it on to convey something that came to a sudden failure or stop after a good start, usually an answer to a professor’s question. And now, we use it to describe things that lose their gusto gradually before ending entirely. Quite a journey, for a fart word.

words, etymology, language, history, cool history, word nerds, english, english language, interesting Smiling dog media0.giphy.com

Girl

Once upon a time, “girl”, aka “gyrle” was just a gender-neutral term for a child. As for how it came to mean young woman specifically: In his book An Analytic Dictionary of the English Etymology, Anatoly Liberman noted that German words starting with “g” or “k” and ending in “r” tended to refer to living creatures “considered immature, worthless, or past their prime.” Cool, cool, cool.

Guy

This word, or eponym, rather, “Guy Fawkes,” is the fella who was part of a failed attempt to blow up British Parliament in 1605 who folks used to burn in effigy. Before “guy” just meant any ol’dude, it referred to a grotesque or scary person.

Hussy:

Interestingly enough, hussy was once just a shortened version of “housewife.” It certainly makes more sense when you look at "husewif," the Middle English spelling. Over time, the shortened version became an insult to unmarried women as though any unmarried woman, and therefore not a housewife, weren’t a full woman.

Matrix

Long before Neo took the red pill, the word “matrix,” coming from the Latin word mater (mother), meant "womb,” uterus,” or even “breeding animal.” It makes that fetus pod he breaks out of all the more disturbing.

Meat

In Old English, “meat” was just a general term for “solid food.” In the Middle Ages, the meaning began to narrow, and the term "flesh-meat" was used to specify the animal flesh used for food (which is pretty metal). So technically, you can enjoy “meat and drink” even with you vegan friends.

words, etymology, language, history, cool history, word nerds, english, english language, interesting meat media1.giphy.com

Moot Point

Originally, a moot was a formal gathering where leaders could all sit down and confer with each other, particularly over legal matters. So anything “mooted” was deemed an issue important enough to be tabled for group discussion, or even could mean “undecided and open for debate.” By the early 20th century, we see it transform to mean something not worth debating at all.

Naughty

The original “naughty” meant you were poor and had nothing, or “naught” in the way of riches. Thankfully today we use it to denote indulgent, sinfully enjoyable things. Because that’s way more fun.

Nice

This word arrived in the English language by way of Old French, where it meant foolish or weak (which makes you wonder why there’s a city in France named Nice…). During the middle ages it evolved to mean shy, reserved, or fastidious. Interestingly, it wasn’t until the mid- to late 1700s—those qualities respectable were beginning to be seen as respectable by society—that the word started to take on more pleasant meanings. Of course, we now sometimes use nice to describe someone who is pleasant enough, but a bit milquetoasty…which is kind of a full circle moment.

Nimrod

We have Bugs Bunny to thank for this one. Nimrod was the name of a skilled hunter and powerful king in the Bible. However, when Bugs sarcastically referred to Elmer Fudd as a “nimrod” in Looney Tunes, people that didn’t understand the reference thought it meant “dumb” so it changed how the word was used. At least, that’s how the most popular theory goes.

words, etymology, language, history, cool history, word nerds, english, english language, interesting Bigs Bunny. media0.giphy.com

Nonplussed

In the 16th century, to be nonplussed was to be surprised or confused. As a North American I had to reread the sentence because it didn’t make sense for the person to be unperturbed. Somehow, today we take this to mean someone that is not only not confused, but unperturbed entirely.

Peruse

If you were to peruse something in the 15th century, you’d be examining it very carefully, which is quite different from the casual, nonchalant scanning we understand it to be nowadays.

Quell

Quelling something or someone used to mean killing it, rather just subduing it. Please don’t quell anything the old-fashioned way.

Silly

In Middle English, the word seely meant happy. Blissful even.

But by the time it became silly, it had come to mean someone helpless, and therefore pitiable. From there it came to mean naive, and has since arrived at its modern meaning of ignorant or foolish.

Fun fact: In 1861, during the months of August and September, journalists would compensate for a lack of hard news by filling up newspapers with trivial stories. This period would become known as the “silly season.”

Terrific

It’s easy to see how in the 1660s, terrific meant something that filled you with terror. What’s really confounding is how it morphed into meaning something magnificent, but here we are.

Wench

Similar to girl, the Old English word wenchel referred to children of either sex. When shortened to wench, it denoted a “female child” specifically. However, its root word is likely related to the Old English wancol, meaning "unsteady" or "weak.” From here you can see how it came to mean an unsteady, and therefore lewd or wanton woman.

words, etymology, language, history, cool history, word nerds, english, english language, interesting Wench meaning media0.giphy.com

So the next time someone “literally dies laughing” or calls something “terrific,” maybe give them a pass. Words change, and that’s part of their magic. Who knows? A century from now, people might think “vibe check” referred to some kind of medieval ritual.

An angry man in front of the American flag.

America has never been a perfect place, but since the Civil War, it has been one where most people bought into the idea of the country and supported the institutions that keep it running. People may disagree on politics and culture, but when America was threatened, whether it was 9/11 or World War II, people came together to fight for the country they love, even though the reasons may have differed.

However, it’d be naive to say that sentiment is still as strong as it once was. Since The Great Recession, many people have felt that the vibes are off in America, and polls and research back those feelings. Right around 2012, when smartphones became ubiquitous, there was a considerable rise in the number of people who felt that America was on the wrong track and that racism and sexism were considerably worse than they were just a year before. There was also a big spike in mental illness.

So what happened in 2012? Did the world suddenly become drastically worse overnight, or had our perceptions been changed?

woman, dispair, smartphone, bad news, woman in kitchen, upset woman A woman is upset looking at her smartphone.via Canva/Photos

Why does it feel like America is on the decline?

Other developed countries have experienced similar vibe shifts since 2012, but it has hit America the hardest. Economics blogger Noah Smith explains why this feeling of malaise has hit America so hard, and he illustrates it perfectly in a viral Substack piece called “Social media destroyed one of America's key advantages.” Smith is an American blogger and commentator on economics and current events and former assistant professor of behavioral finance at Stony Brook University.

In his Substack post, Smith postulates that the technological change hit America the hardest because it punctured our geographical buffers. “A hippie in Oakland and a redneck in the suburbs of Houston both fundamentally felt that they were part of the same unified nation; that nation looked very different to people in each place,” Smith writes. “Californians thought America was California, and Texans thought America was Texas, and this generally allowed America to function.”

Why did America fundamentally change in 2012?

Here’s an excerpt from Smith’s piece. Please check out the entire piece on the Noahpinion Substack.

Like some kind of forcible hive mind out of science fiction, social media suddenly threw every American in one small room with every other American. Decades of hard work spent running away from each other and creating our ideologically fragmented patchwork of geographies went up in smoke overnight, as geography suddenly ceased to mediate the everyday discussion of politics and culture.

The sudden collapse of geographic sorting in political discussion threw all Americans in the same room with each other — and like the characters in Sartre’s No Exit, they discovered that “Hell is other people.” Conservatives suddenly discovered that a lot of Americans despise Christianity or resent White people over the legacy of discrimination. Liberals suddenly remembered that a lot of their countrymen frown on their lifestyles. Every progressive college kid got to see every piece of right-wing fake news that their grandparents were sharing on Facebook (whereas before, these would have been quietly confined to chain emails). Every conservative in a small town got to see Twitter activists denouncing White people. And so on.


protests, american protest, protest sign, demonstration, mass gathering A group of people protesting in the street.via Ted Eytan/Flickr

It may sound cynical to believe that America was a better place when people were less likely to talk to people with a different worldview. But, given how things have gone in the past 15 years, it’s fair to say that putting every American in a proverbial ring to fight it out just makes everyone feel under attack... and the fight never ends.

The problem with the Like button

Another development around the same time that many believe negatively affected the country was the development of the Like button on Facebook. The button made its debut in 2009, and it, along with the share button, which came in 2010, incentivized people to create content that their audience agreed with, creating echo chambers. The buttons also incentivized people to make outrage-provoking posts and create fake stories to go viral and increase advertising revenue.

maga, trump supporters, trump flags, trump rally, american flags Trump supporters at a rally.via Elvert Barnes/Flickr

The positive takeaway from Smith’s geographical sorting theory is that, quite possibly, many people’s perceptions about life in Amerca are wrong because we’re seeing it through the distorted, funhouse mirror of social media that shows us every bad deed in a country of 330 million people and amplifies the voices of the unscroupulous. By pinpointing the moment that America “went to hell,” as author Jonathan Haidt says, we also have a roadmap to get back to when people had greater faith in America’s institutions and people.

This article originally appeared in June.

Typographic mural by Jeff Canham using the first nine words of the NATO's phonetic alphabet

When you have to spell a name over the phone, you've likely had to use something akin to the NATO alphabet, even if you haven't used the exact same words. "E as in elephant, D as in David," etc. When we watch movies involving airline pilots or military personnel, we often hear the real NATO alphabet, which starts Alfa, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, and so on.

Using words to represent letters was a brilliant idea to solve the problem of trying to spell things out over early telephone wires, which often made for crackly connections where letters could easily be misunderstood. But the full history of the NATO alphabet is much more fascinating than one might guess, as BBC journalist and self-described "word nerd" Rob Watts explained in a video.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Watts explains that the 26 words of the NATO alphabet were "meticulously chosen as part of a secretive process" after WWII. The idea began with the invention of the telephone, when a version of a spelling alphabet was created within the telecom industry. Soon militaries around the world were using their own versions of such an alphabet, which resulted in the rather chaotic reality of every different branch of the armed service in Britain and the United States utilizing entirely different versions.

Clearly, a standard needed to be created, and WWII was a prime opportunity. However (and perhaps unsurprisingly), the two countries couldn't agree on what alphabet to use. Watts explains that a report for the U.S. Air Force later described the compromise that was rushed through: “The Generals and the Admirals went down the list taking first a U.S. and then a U.K. preference to complete the list and get on with the war.” What they came up with was known as the ABLE BAKER alphabet.

able baker alphabet, nato alphabet, spelling, phonetics, linguistics The ABLE BAKER alphabet was used by the U.S. and British militaries prior to the NATO alphabet.Image by Canva

So that took care of the military. But around the same time as the end of WWII, the aviation industry boomed, and in 1944, a convention resulted in 52 nations establishing an international body that would oversee non-military aviation. The International Civil Aviation Organization, or ICAO, (which still exists today) adopted the ABLE BAKER alphabet at first, but it soon became clear that that alphabet didn't work very well for the members of the ICAO who didn't speak English.

The alphabet needed words that had more universal appeal. A linguist at the University of Montreal, Professor Jean-Paul Vinay, was tasked with coming up with a new alphabet, which had to meet five criteria:

1. It had to be a live word in each of the three working languages of ICAO—English, Spanish, and French.

2. It had to be easily pronounced and recognized by airmen of all languages.

3. It needed to have good radio transmission and readability characteristics.

4. It had to have a similar spelling in at least English, French, and Spanish, and the initial letter must be the letter the word identifies.

5. It had to be free from any association with objectionable meanings.


alphabet, nato alphabet, spelling, phonetics, linguistics, ICAO alphabet Spelling alphabets are not phonetic alphabets. upload.wikimedia.org

That's how we ended up with so many Greek letters, including Alpha, which Vinay spelled ALFA to make it more phonetic. He also made Juliet more phonetic for the French by adding an extra T. A few changes were requested after Vinay submitted his alphabet, which resulted in POLKA becoming PAPA and ZEBRA becoming ZULU.

That fixed everything, right? Sure, except that most people who had to use it hated it. Many of the words were longer than the ABLE BAKER alphabet, which had many one-syllable words, whereas GOLF was the only one-syllable word in the ICAO alphabet. However, those multi-syllable words proved more effective, since a small glitch in communications would be less likely to make them unintelligible.

The new North Atlantic Treaty Organization, NATO, showed an interest in using the alphabet, so a study was done to make sure that the ALFA BRAVO alphabet really was better than ABLE BAKER. The ICAO commissioned Ohio State University to compare the two alphabets, and the result was clear: ALFA BRAVO wins. However, some additional research showed a few changes were needed, which ultimately resulted in this alphabet finalized in 1956. It's technically the ICAO alphabet but is often referred to as the NATO alphabet.

alphabet, nato alphabet, spelling, phonetics, linguistics, ICAO alphabet ICAO alphabet (also known as the NATO alphabet)IngenieroLoco/Wikimedia Commons

Pretty nifty, eh? People working together with the input of experts and support of research generally leads to helpful progress, and while the NATO alphabet may have its pain points, it's infinitely better than the haphazard way we used to tell people how to spell things clearly. Yay, humans!

You can watch Watts' entire video on his RobWords YouTube page here.

Family

Want your home to be 'the house' for your teens? Mom shares her 4 secret tricks.

There are so many benefits to being "the house" for your teens. Here's how to do it.

Amy White explains how her house became "the house" for her teens.

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozens, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to exist somewhere in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed me and all my friends every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house was probably a small price to pay.

One mom has perfectly encapsulated the value of turning your home into "the house" for your kids and their friends, and exactly how she did it for her family.

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood Want your house to be THE house for teens? These suggestions could help. Photo credit: Canva

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break". I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.

Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood There's a difference between being "the cool house" and being "the house." media0.giphy.com

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood We all miss our teenage metabolism, don't we? Photo credit: Canva

"We never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

One caveat: "don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared in February