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The incredible story of baby Eva Grace: the superhero who never lived.

My wife Keri and I went in for the standard 19-week anatomy scan of our second child. As a parent, you think that appointment is all about finding out boy or girl, but it’s about a whole lot more.

In our case, our daughter was diagnosed with a rare birth defect called anencephaly — some 3 in 10,000 pregnancies rare. The phrase our doctor used in explaining it was "incompatible with life," which looks as terrible in words as it sounds. The child fails to develop the frontal lobe of the brain or the top of their skull. The chance of survival is 0%. We sat in a doctor’s office, five months before our daughter was to be born, knowing she would die.

The options weren’t great. There was (a) inducing early, which in effect was terminating the pregnancy or (b) continuing the pregnancy to full term.

Within a minute or so of finding out, Keri asked if we could donate the baby’s organs if we went to full term. It was on her heart and mind, but we left the doctor and still spent the next 48 hours deciding what we were going to do. It was excruciating. We considered terminating. We had to. Were we capable of taking on the weight of the 20 weeks ahead? In our minds, we were intentionally taking on the loss of a child, rather than the loss of a pregnancy. And, yes, there is a difference.

We decided to continue, and we chose the name Eva for our girl, which means "giver of life."

The mission was simple: get Eva to full term, welcome her into this world to die, and let her give the gift of life to some other hurting family.

It was a practical approach, with an objective for an already settled ending point. We met with an organ procurement organization called LifeShare of Oklahoma and found out we’d be the eighth family in the state to donate the organs of an infant.

There wasn’t much of a precedent or process in place because, until only recently, most parents of anencephalic babies didn’t know it was an option. There’s this weird gray area involved because, even without a brain, these babies can’t be declared brain dead. Her heart would need to stop beating, leaving a finite window of, let’s call it, "opportunity," to recover her kidneys, liver, and maybe pancreas and heart valves. We asked about other things, like her eyes or corneas, but LifeShare told us they’d never done that before, even with an adult.

All photos by Mitzi Aylor/Alyor Photography. Used with the permission of Royce Young.

Part of the difficulty of the decision to carry on was the physical pregnancy and the mental burden of carrying a baby for 20 more weeks knowing she would die. The kicks and punches to Keri’s bladder served as a constant reminder of what was inside. (Yes, Eva kicked like any other baby; her brainstem was complete, which is what controls basic motor functions. I know, we had a hard time wrapping our minds around it too.) She feared people asking what she was having or the due date or if the nursery was ready.

What we unexpectedly found, though, was joy in the pregnancy. We happily talked about our sweet Eva, and day by day, our love for her grew. We got excited to be her parents.

I think a big part of that was connected to the decision we made to continue on, which was empowering. She had a name, an identity, and a purpose. The idea of choice in pregnancy is a complicated one, and one I kind of want to avoid here. Wherever you fall, just know, we were empowered by our decision, our responsibility to be Eva’s mom and dad for as long as we could. We went from seeing the pregnancy as a vehicle to help others to looking forward to holding her, kissing her, telling her about her brother, and being her parents.

The time we’d have was completely unknown, with it ranging anywhere from five seconds to five minutes to five hours to, in some more optimistic estimates, five days.

We decided to have a planned C-section. We wanted to maximize our chances of seeing Eva alive and be able to control as many variables as possible.

There wouldn’t be any surprise labor in the middle of the night. We could have our first child Harrison there to meet his sister and grandparents ready to hold their granddaughter even if she was only alive for an hour or so. We wanted to do what was best for our girl. That’s what parents do.

As the date neared, the meetings and appointments cranked up. We had what everyone called the "Big Meeting," a gathering at Baptist Hospital of about 30 people that included multiple people from LifeShare, NICU nurses and doctors, neonatologists, and other "Very Important Hospital People." We were the first infant organ donor ever at Baptist, and they were developing a protocol on the fly. There were plans and contingency plans and contingency plans for the contingency plans.

The process was going to be delicate, and to be frank, it seemed increasingly unlikely that it would work. There were a lot of things that were going to need to go just right, even with the intricate plans that were being put in place. It was made clear to us over and over and over again how if Eva’s kidneys or liver didn’t go directly for transplant, they would go to research, and infant organ research is incredibly valuable.

But I wanted a tangible outcome. I wanted to be able to meet and hug and shake the hand of the person my daughter saved.

I couldn’t dream about what my daughter would grow up to be, so I fantasized about the difference she could make.

What if the person who got her kidneys became president? What if her liver went to a little boy and he goes on to win the Heisman Trophy? I was writing the "30 for 30" script in my mind every night as I went to sleep. It was something to hold onto; it was the kind of hope I wrapped up with both arms. Research was nothing more than a fail-safe to me, a Plan B that I didn’t want any part of.

There were some concerns from the hospital's ethics team about Eva and our plans. As I explained to them — and to anyone else out there who has this idea that we grew a daughter just for her organs — Eva was a terminal child. And as her parents, we elected to make her an organ donor. That’s it. She would be born, live an indefinite amount of time, and then we were choosing to donate her organs.

Then suddenly, we were in the two-week window. In two weeks, we’d be prepping to welcome our baby girl into the world and preparing to say goodbye to her.

I planned on sitting down that day to write Eva a letter, like I did before Harrison was born to give him on his 18th birthday. She’d never read it, but I was going to read it to her. Keri didn’t feel Eva move much that morning, but we both brushed it off and went to lunch. We came home, put Harrison down for a nap, and Keri sat down in her favorite spot and prodded Eva to move. She wouldn’t.

We started to worry. Keri got up, walked around, drank cold water, ate some sugary stuff. She sat back down and waited. Maybe that was something? We decided to go to the hospital. We held on to hope that we were just being overly anxious and didn’t take any bags.

We arrived, and a nurse looked for a heartbeat on the doppler: nothing. Not unusual; it was sometimes hard to find because of the extra fluid. They brought in a bedside ultrasound machine and looked. It seemed that maybe there was a flicker of cardiac activity. They told us to get ready to rush in for a C-section.

I just remember repeating, "I’m not ready I’m not ready I’m not ready I’m not ready." I was supposed to have two more weeks. What about the plan? What about Harrison? What about Eva’s aunts and uncles and grandparents? What if they couldn’t make it in time? What about her letter?

They brought in a better ultrasound machine. Keri and I had seen enough ultrasounds to immediately know: There was no heartbeat. Eva was gone before we ever got to meet her. The brain controls steady heart functions, and Eva’s finally gave out.

Keri rolled onto her side and put both hands over her face and let out one of those raw, visceral sobbing bursts. I stood silently shaking my head.

We had tried to do everything right, tried to think of others, tried to take every possible step to make this work, and it didn’t. No organ donation. Not even for research, our fail-safe. We felt cheated.

The word I still have circling in my head is disappointment. That doesn’t really do it justice because it’s profound disappointment. The kind of disappointment that will sneak up on me at different times, like when I’m mowing the yard or rocking Harrison or driving to a game.

Since there was no reason to control variables anymore, the doctors induced Keri into labor. The rest of Sunday and into Monday morning were the darkest, most painful hours of our lives. We had previously come to terms with the outcome and had almost found a joy in the purpose of our daughter’s life. We had looked forward to meeting her and loving her. We knew we’d hurt from her loss, but there was hope in the difference she was making. We had heard from recipients of organ donation that were so encouraging and uplifting.

But the deal got altered. It felt like we were letting everyone down. (I know how ridiculous that sounds.) I felt embarrassed because all that positivity about saving lives wasn’t happening now. (I know how ridiculous that sounds.)

On top of it all, the ultimate kick in the gut: We wouldn’t even see her alive. I struggled with the idea of Eva’s existence and her humanity all along, about whether a terminal diagnosis made her dead already. I clung to knowing her humanity would be validated to me when I saw her as a living, breathing human being. I wanted to watch her die because that would mean I got to watch her live. I longed for just five minutes with her — heck, five seconds with her. All of that practical stuff about organ donation was irrelevant to me now. I just wanted to hold my baby girl and see her chest move up and down. I just wanted to be her daddy, if only for a few seconds.

Eva came surprisingly quick on Monday. Keri forced me to go get some lunch — a sad, lonely lunch featuring me taking bites of chicken fingers in between sobs — and I got back to the hospital around noon. Keri sat up and felt some pain. Then she felt another shot of pain ring through her body. Our photographer had just arrived and was setting up. Keri started to panic and asked for nurses to come in. They checked her, and it was time to have a baby. I still wasn’t ready.

At 12:20 we called our family and told them to hurry.

At 12:30, our doctor, Dr. Pinard, arrived.

At 12:33 and 12:35, Laurie from LifeShare tried calling Keri.

At 12:37, Eva Grace Young was born. I cut her umbilical cord at 12:38.

My phone rang at 12:40 and 12:41, and then a text came. It was Laurie from LifeShare. "Hey Royce, it’s Laurie . Will you give me a call when you get a chance? I think I have some good news for you."

Keri and I held each other and cried as the nurses cleaned Eva, and Dr. Pinard called LifeShare for us.

Then, she walked up to the foot of the bed.

"I’m on the phone with LifeShare," Dr. Pinard said, a smile cracking through on her face. "They have a recipient for Eva’s eyes."

It’s weird to say that during probably the worst experience of my life was also maybe the best moment of my life, but I think it was the best moment of my life.

The timing of it all is just something I can’t explain. It wasn’t what we planned or hoped for, but it was everything we needed in that moment. I buried my head in my arms and sobbed harder than I ever have. Keri put her hands over her face and did the same. Happy tears.

This was our reaction when Dr. Pinard told us about Eva’s eyes.

As the nurses handed her to us for the first time, much of the dread and fear was lifted from us and replaced with hope and joy again. Here comes Eva Grace Young, the superhero she was always meant to be.

None of it went as we planned. We’re trying to rest on knowing we did the best we could. We always said we wanted to limit our regret, and I think in 20 years or so, as we reflect on this, there’s not much we’d change.

We’re proud to be Eva’s parents. We’re thrilled with the impact she’s made. People from around the world have sent us messages telling us they’ve signed up to be organ donors because of Eva.

Eva’s the first ever — not baby, but person — in the state of Oklahoma to donate a whole eye, and she donated two.

Because of her, LifeShare has made connections in other states to set up eye transplants for the future. They have an infant organ donation plan they now are working with sharing with other organ procurement organizations in Colorado and Texas. They call it the Eva Protocol.

I keep thinking about looking into her eyes some day, but more than anything, I think about her eyes seeing her mom, dad, and brother.

We always wondered things about Eva, like what color her hair would be, if she’d have Harrison’s nose, if she’d have dimples like her mama, or what color her eyes would be. In the time we spent with her, one eye was just a little bit open, and I fought the temptation to peek. I can’t ever hold my daughter again. I can’t ever talk to her or hear her giggle. But I can dream about looking into her eyes for the first time one day and finding out what color they are.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.

Land O'Lakes

Land O'Lakes® products are made from milk sourced directly from member-owned farms, including butters, cheeses, spreads and other dairy staples loved by consumers for cooking, baking and snacking

Community

Land O’Lakes and Clove are filling the nation’s food banks with much-needed butter and shoes

Land O’Lakes and Clove are teaming up to bring comfort to communities in need.

True

Food banks are a community staple for millions of Americans. Not only do they provide nutritional assistance to low-income families, they’re also often one of the few places where people can get non-food essentials like diapers, toiletries, paper towels, clothing and more. For the 44 million people in the United States facing food insecurity, pantries can literally be a lifeline.

But that lifeline is at risk. Food pantries rely on donations, both from individuals and government programs, to stay stocked. Rising poverty levels and budget cuts mean that food pantries sometimes can’t meet the demands of their communities—and as a result, families go without.

No person should struggle for basic needs—which is why Land O’Lakes is teaming up with Clove in the name of comfort ahead of the 2025 holiday season.

Comfort, meet comfort.

A partnership between a farmer-owned cooperative and a modern footwear brand might seem like an unusual pairing. But the reality is that both organizations provide things that are enjoyable and much needed for American families.

You might be surprised to learn, for example, that dairy is one of the most requested but least-donated items at food banks around the nation. From a nutritional lens, dairy is a source of high-quality protein that provides 3 of 4 nutrients—calcium, potassium and vitamin D—that low-income households are at risk of missing from their diets.

But on a larger scale, dairy provides comfort. Items like butter, milk and cream are in high demand, particularly around the end of the year since so many families use these items for baking holiday treats. And while shoes can be stylish gifts, they’re also a basic necessity for hardworking frontline workers who provide care for others and spend hours on their feet. In fact, 96 million people in the U.S. spend their work shift standing.

"We are so excited to collaborate with Clove Shoes and take a moment to celebrate the color of the moment, but also our everyday favorite, butter yellow," said Heather Anfang, president of Land O'Lakes Dairy Foods. "As a company who shares our values of community, hard work and comfort, we are thrilled for the launch of their shoe but also for our shared donation to those in need in an important area for our two brands in Philadelphia."

Meaningful giving when people need it most

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Together, the organizations have donated dozens of sneakers and more than 3,750 pounds of butter to Philabundance, one of the largest food banks in Philadelphia and part of Feeding America’s nationwide network of food banks, pantries, and meal programs. As they team up to donate needed supplies, they’re also helping families feel nourished—inside and out—ahead of the cold winter months.

"As a Philadelphia-based brand, we’re proud to give back to the community we call home—nourishing our city and supporting those who care every day," shares Jordyn Amoroso, Co-founder and CBO. Clove has also gifted 88 shoes to the students enrolled at Philabundance Community Kitchen: a free, life-changing workforce development program run by Philabundance.

At a time when so many are stretched thin and families are moving into the holiday season facing food insecurity, collaborations like these can provide an unexpected value—a chance to revitalize local communities, to nourish families, and show how comfort can take many different forms.

Learn more about this unexpected partnership here.

Public Health

How often should you shower? Doctors weigh in and rock some people's worlds.

Once a day is not ideal.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska/Pexels

Doctors say a lot of us are showering more than we need to.

A few times in recent years, celebrities and social media influencers alike have made waves by sharing that they don't make their kids bathe every day. For some parents, that was totally par for the course, but for others, letting a child go more than a day without bathing was seen as a travesty.

Doctors have made it clear that kids don't need to bathe daily, with some going so far as to recommend against it when they are young to protect kids' delicate skin. But what about grownups? Most of us don't take baths regularly as adults, but what's the ideal frequency for showering?

According to a YouGov poll of over 5,700 Americans, just over half of respondents said they shower daily and 11% said they shower twice or more per day. That means two out of three of us are showering at least once a day.

woman, showering, shower, daily shower, bathe A woman in a shower cap.Canva Photos

But according to doctors and dermatologists, that's probably overkill for most people. Unless you're doing heavy labor, exercising vigorously, working outdoors or around toxins or otherwise getting excessively dirty or sweaty, a few showers per week is enough for healthy hygiene.

In fact, Robert H. Shmerling, MD of Harvard Health says too frequent showering could actually have some negative effects on your health.

"Normal, healthy skin maintains a layer of oil and a balance of 'good' bacteria and other microorganisms," Dr. Shmerling writes. "Washing and scrubbing removes these, especially if the water is hot." He shares that removing that protective layer can make our skin dry, irritated or itchy, which can lead to damage that allows allergens and bacteria to cross the skin barrier. Additionally, our immune systems require exposure to microorganisms, dirt, and other environmental stimuli in order to create "immune memory," and if we wash them away too frequently, we might be inhibiting the effectiveness of our immune system.

dirt, immune system, environment, kids, baths, dirt don't hurt A healthy coat of dirt.Giphy

Dermatologists who spoke to Vogue had similar advice about shower frequency. Board-certified dermatologist Deanne Robinson, MD, FAAD told the magazine that you can skip showering for the day if you haven't engaged in rigorous activity. Mamina Turegano, a triple board-certified dermatologist, internist and dermatopathologist. agreed. "I think that showering three to four times a week is plenty for most people,” she said.

Of course, everyone is different and what is good for one person's skin isn't good for another's. Showering frequency and health also depend on what kinds of products you're using, what temperature of water you're using, and how long your shower is. There's a big difference between a quick pits-and-privates rinse-off and a long, hot everything shower.

While scorching yourself and steaming up the bathroom may feel luxurious and relaxing, especially if you've got sore muscles, dermatologists say it's not good for your skin. Hot showers are especially problematic for people with skin issues like eczema.

"Any skin condition characterized by a defective skin barrier can be worsened by a hot shower," board-certified New York City dermatologist Shari Marchbein told Allure. "[It] strips the skin of sebum, the healthy fats and oils necessary for skin health, and dehydrates the skin."

shower, shower temperature, hot shower, lukewarm shower, showering Maybe cool it on the hot showers. Canva Photos.

In fact most dermatologists recommend keeping showers lukewarm. That sounds like torture, frankly, but who's going to argue with the experts?

A lot of people, actually. Modern humans are pretty particular about our shower preferences, and judging from the comments on cleanliness discussions, some folks are dead set on the idea that a daily shower is simply not negotiable. Even with the experts weighing in with their knowledge and science, a lot of people will continue to do what they do, advice be damned.

But at least the folks who've been judged harshly by the daily shower police have some official backup. As long as you're showering every couple of days, you're golden. As it turns out, there really is such a thing as being too clean.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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showering

Health

Woman who lost her 'pretty privilege' says it changed how she saw everyone

"The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me."

via Canva/Photos

A smiling blonde woman.

There is something extremely unfair about people born with great genetics who are extremely attractive. Sure, folks can improve their looks after putting in some work at the gym or learning how to present themselves. But many people we consider conventionally good-looking hit the jackpot by simply being born that way.

With little effort, these people have an incredible social advantage in life. They are seen as morally virtuous, receive random favors, are always the center of attention, and are more likely to get raises and promotions at work. The funny thing is that those with pretty privilege don’t realize the incredible advantage they have until it's gone.

What happens when people lose their pretty privilege?

In a since-deleted post, a woman on Reddit shared how she realized the power that comes with pretty privilege when she gained a lot of weight, and the world immediately began treating her differently.

“Whether we want to admit it or not, pretty privilege is a thing. And it’s something that I now realize I had for the majority of my life,” the woman wrote in a viral post. “People were usually very nice to me. I got offered perks like drinks at bars and extra attention when I went out. And I was stared at a lot.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Things changed for the woman after she had a health condition that required her to take a medication that slowed her metabolism, which resulted in rapid weight gain.

“The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me," the woman continued. "I didn’t notice it at first, but I began to have to ask for customer service at places instead of being offered, and I started to feel invisible, because no one looked at me. No one. People would walk right by and not even acknowledge my existence. It was strange at first, then incredibly humbling. I thought, well, this is the new normal.”

The power of thin privilege

It’s important to note that being a certain weight doesn’t automatically make you good looking. People can look good at any weight. However, it would be naive to believe that thin people don’t have an advantage in this world.

woman, pretty, privilege, looks, attraction, beauty, thin A thin woman poses in front of bushes. Photo Credit: Mwabonje Ringa/Pexels

The drastic fluctuation in the woman’s weight made her conscious of what other people who don’t have the privilege of being pretty or thin go through in life. It allowed her to have greater compassion for people, regardless of how they look.

“My personality started to change a little," she wrote. "I began being thankful for any small interaction someone had with me, and responded to any small act of kindness with gratefulness. I noticed other not conventionally pretty people, and other overweight people, and made an effort to talk to them and treat them like they mattered. I became a better person. Not that I wasn’t a good person before, but I was now more aware and empathetic to those around me.”

The woman soon went off the medication and, just like that, she lost weight, and people began to treat her as they had before.

“The first time I noticed it was when I was in a store looking for something, and a handsome male worker came up to me and asked if I needed help. He looked me in the eyes. I felt like I mattered again,” she continued. “Then I instantly felt sad and horrified, because of the cosmic unfairness of life, that how we look really does determine how people treat us, even though it shouldn’t.”

woman, pretty privilege, attractiveness, beauty, standards, sun, sunset, empowerment A woman stands in front of a sunset. Photo Credit: Jill Wellington/Pexels

After the woman lost her privilege, she better understood what other people go through. On one hand, she probably enjoys the privilege, but on the other, she feels that the world is much less fair than she once imagined. At least, in the end, it’s taught her to be more empathetic to everyone she meets.

“And also, when someone looks at me and smiles, no matter who they are, I give them a huge smile back,” she finished her post.

This article originally appeared in May.

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Science

The longest — and probably largest — proof of our current climate catastrophe ever caught on camera.

It was the largest such event ever filmed.

Exposure Labs

All GIFs and images via Exposure Labs.

Photographer James Balog and his crew were hanging out near a glacier when their camera captured something extraordinary. They were in Greenland, gathering footage from the time-lapse they'd positioned all around the Arctic Circle for the last several years.

They were also there to shoot scenes for a documentary. And while they were hoping to capture some cool moments on camera, no one expected a huge chunk of a glacier to snap clean off and slide into the ocean right in front of their eyes.

A glacier falls into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

ocean swells, sea level, erosion, going green

Massive swells created by large chunks of glacier falling away.

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It was the largest such event ever filmed.

For nearly an hour and 15 minutes, Balog and his crew stood by and watched as a piece of ice the size of lower Manhattan — but with ice-equivalent buildings that were two to three times taller than that — simply melted away.

geological catastrophe, earth, glacier melt

A representation demonstrating the massive size of ice that broke off into the sea.

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As far as anyone knows, this was an unprecedented geological catastrophe and they caught the entire thing on tape. It won't be the last time something like this happens either.

But once upon a time, Balog was openly skeptical about that "global warming" thing.

Balog had a reputation since the early 1980s as a conservationist and environmental photographer. And for nearly 20 years, he'd scoffed at the climate change heralds shouting, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

"I didn't think that humans were capable of changing the basic physics and chemistry of this entire, huge planet. It didn't seem probable, it didn't seem possible," he explained in the 2012 documentary film "Chasing Ice."

There was too much margin of error in the computer simulations, too many other pressing problems to address about our beautiful planet. As far as he was concerned, these melodramatic doomsayers were distracting from the real issues.

That was then.

The glacier ice continues to erode away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

In fact, it wasn't until 2005 that Balog became a believer.

He was sent on a photo expedition of the Arctic by National Geographic, and that first northern trip was more than enough to see the damage for himself.

"It was about actual tangible physical evidence that was preserved in the ice cores of Greenland and Antarctica," he said in a 2012 interview with ThinkProgress. "That was really the smoking gun showing how far outside normal, natural variation the world has become. And that's when I started to really get the message that this was something consequential and serious and needed to be dealt with."

Some of that evidence may have been the fact that more Arctic landmass has melted away in the last 20 years than the previous 10,000 years.

Watch the video of the event of the glacier calving below:

This article originally appeared 10 years ago.

From Your Site Articles

Parenting

Studies show non-parents are happier than parents unless 1 of these 3 things are true

"Bundle of joy" might not be the most apt nickname.

Canva Photos

Having kids decreases your quality of life and marital satisfaction, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.

For decades now, there's been one great question looming over society: Does having kids make you happier?

Most studies show that, perhaps surprisingly, people without children tend to be happier, or have more life satisfaction. And when you really think about it, it makes sense why. Being child-free eases your finances and allows you more time to pursue friends, romance, hobbies, travel, adventure, and career aspirations. Having children makes your immediate quality of life and marital satisfaction go down temporarily, or in some cases, permanently. The Surgeon General even recently issued an advisory warning that parental stress is a major public health issue.

But there are three factors that might turn the tide. In the right circumstances, the joy and immense satisfaction of raising children can overcome all the associated stressors and lead to incredible joy and happiness. Other studies from around the globe prove that you might just be a happy parent if:

1. Your kids have moved out

empty nest, parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research An empty nest.Canva Photos

A study from Heidelberg University in Germany specifically looked at happiness in people aged 50 and older. What they found makes a lot of sense.

People who have children were happier than those without, but only in the older age group, and only when those grown children no longer lived at home. Drilling down, the research found that when children become a source of "social enjoyment" rather than stress, life satisfaction increases dramatically while symptoms of depression decrease.

You can think of it as finally getting to enjoy the fruits of your hard labor. After spending decades teaching, nurturing, and shaping your children, your twilight years are when you get to really enjoy them as fully-fledged people who enrich your lives. While there's lots of joy and fun and happiness to be found in the younger years, those years are also marred with financial and other stressors which can subdue our overall happiness.

2. You have a lot of money AND good work/life balance

empty nest, parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research, wealth, work life balance An older couple heading to a romantic getaway. Canva Photos

One study out of Bocconi University in Milan, Italy found that "Parents are happier than non-parents ... as long as parents feel they can handle their work pressures to find work/life balance and they have the financial and other resources they need."

Oh, is that all?

Some estimates say it costs roughly $24,000 per year to raise a child, on average. A family with three kids would need to make about $75,000 just to cover the absolute bare minimum food and childcare costs—yowza! The costs are more when they're young (daycare, childcare, diapers, toys), but it never stops being expensive. Parenting is also extremely time-consuming, requiring several hours per day of childcare and extra housework for most families.

The impossible conundrum that many parents find themselves in is somehow having enough money and enough time to do it all. It's easy to see that if you can somehow solve that puzzling equation, yeah, you'd be a heck of a lot happier. Easier said than done!

3. You don't live in the United States

parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research Parents in Spain, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, and more are enjoying more time off to spend with family. Photo by Mauro Lima on Unsplash

In 2016, The Council of Contemporary Families wanted to look into whether parental discontent was a global phenomenon or not. So, they studied parents and non-parents from 22 different countries to see if they could find any differences in life satisfaction.

The report found that parents in countries like Norway, Hungary, Portugal, Finland, Sweden and Spain were shown to be happier than non-parents.

And yet, according to Time Magazine, "Of the 22 countries the researchers studied, America has the biggest happiness differential between parents and the child-free."

The report specifically cites the high cost of childcare for young children and the limited amount of paid leave Americans receive—and not just parental leave, but simple vacation time. Countries like Spain and Portugal mandate anywhere from 22-30 paid leave days per year, while Americans average about 11. That allows for significantly less time to actually enjoy time with your kids, and has a big impact on our happiness, or lack thereof.

Of course, happiness can be measured in a lot of different ways. Is happiness a blissful feeling of freedom and joy? Or is it a deep satisfaction and sense of purpose in your life? Or maybe a combination of the two?

What the overall body of research seems to show is that there are many different paths to happiness, whether you choose to have children or not. Finding joy and satisfaction in your life as a parent might be considered "hard-mode." There are a lot of obstacles working against you, especially in America, but the research is beginning to give us some clues about how we can get there.

This article originally appeared in May.

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Teachers

American teachers who moved abroad say they weren't prepared for these 7 startling differences

"I can easily afford to live off my salary, so there's that."

Good teachers are part of the backbone of every country around the world. It might sound cliché, but it's the truth. They help guide and shape students, often recognizing their brightest potential before they see it in themselves. Often exhausted, and sometimes underpaid, they show up day after day to ensure that children learn, grow, and prosper.

In the U.S., the average starting teacher makes just under $50,000–$60,000 a year, though this number goes up as they get more years and degrees behind them. But, although often rewarding, it's not easy.

We took a look at a few American teachers who have taught both in the States and in other countries around the globe. Some of the differences they experienced were surprising, though it's not as cut and dried as one might think, and they certainly didn't always favor the non-American country. (Obviously, these are merely personal experiences and they don't apply to every teacher in every country.)

MANDATORY CURRICULUM

A woman who goes by Haley on TikTok discussed her experiences as an American teacher working (and studying) in the U. K. She enthusiastically shares that "riding a bike and swimming" are part of the curriculum in British schools, whereas they aren't in your average public school in the States. A few in the comments remember their time learning to ride a bike fondly, with one sharing, "Omg I completely forgot about the cycling proficiency stuff! I couldn’t ride a bike till I was about 9 so it was actually really great to learn safety."

@halebalezz
britiah teachers LOVE asking if teaching in the US is different… heres a few noticable things! #internationalteacher #englandvsamerica #americanabroad

In New Zealand, @kiwiamericans breaks down the vast difference between teaching in the States and teaching in New Zealand. She's not a primary teacher, but rather a "professor by trade" and has had kids "go through every single grade" in the school system. She points out in a TikTok clip that Te Reo Māori (an official Indigenous language of the country) is taught to the students and used often throughout the school day.

DRESS CODE

One American teacher, Lexi Brooke, took to TikTok to share stories about her time teaching abroad at an English conversation school in Japan. She notes, for context, that in the U.S., she worked at both public and private schools, and as a private tutor for young children, teens, and adults. She shares, "I don't have a dress code at my job in Japan. Isn't that crazy? So I'll wear tank tops, I'll wear jeans. I'll wear skirts, but above the knee… shock! But as long as it's appropriate, I'll wear it to work. Isn't that crazy?"

@itslexib
A different style video today- USUALLY this is something I’d reserve for subscribers but I thought I’d share a little of my anecdotal experience with yall. Ofc I don’t work at a typical Japanese work place and I’ve had such limited experience working here. My coworkers def have some horror stories involving kids spitting at them and dumping out the trash and things… I digress. Lmk if you guys want more story times #teacher #storytime #teachabroad #america #creatorsearchinsights

According to the PPTA in New Zealand, it's not quite as casual in the public schools, but has a similar vibe. Their website states, "Teachers as professionals need to dress in an appropriate manner." While they don’t state exactly what that means, their union helps them negotiate it. "The best way to resolve individual cases regarding whether or not a particular item of clothing is appropriate is by direct discussion and negotiation."

SCHOOL YEAR

A high school friend of mine moved to Japan to teach years ago. He shares, "The academic year for Japan begins April first and finishes at the end of March. There is the same basic division of years: elementary, junior high, and high school, with the exception that junior high is three years, and high school is three years. Japanese kids only have at most six weeks of a Summer break, and their spring and winter breaks are not more than 10 days. Also, kids in Japan are seemingly never away from some kind of school activity. They are constantly plugged into club activities and will tell you that they spend their breaks doing more studying and homework."

SUPPORT FROM BOSSES

Brooke is pleased with her boss. "My boss actually cares about my personal time. So if he thinks I'm working too hard, he'll say like, 'Ya know, take it easy. Stop working so hard. Take a break. Relax.'" She adds, ""I don't have to fundraise to get materials I need for class, like markers or laminating sheets. My boss just provides it."

@kiwiamericans
Replying to @ash 💓 #teachersoftiktok #teachers #teachersbelike

Our American in New Zealand notes that they have a pretty decent teachers' union. She says, "You can't sub for another teacher, because that would be overworking. You can't work past 3:20/3:40." She also notes they don't expect teachers to grade papers or work in general at night or on the weekends."

In the U.K, however, The Guardian reports that "eight in 10 primary schoolteachers in England are spending their own money to buy items for pupils who are increasingly arriving at school hungry and without adequate clothing, according to new research."

LEARNING EMPHASIS

Haley notes that unlike public schools in the States, U.K., teachers are encouraged to talk about all religions in order to help promote tolerance. A commenter weighs in: "R.E. (religious education) is not so much about worshipping but explaining the similarities and differences between religions, so encourages understanding religious culture."

On the New Zealand thread, a commenter points out that the U.S. actually pays more attention to neurodivergent students. "There are some good things about teaching; however, you need to go into it knowing that there is very little support for children with additional needs/neurodivergence. There is very little funding for additional support. We are also behind in our knowledge/acceptance of some things like dyslexia and other learning disabilities compared to other countries. But there are many positives too, such as learning through play in some schools in juniors, not having kids sitting in rows and teaching small groups, inquiry learning, technology used in lessons, etc. Not as 'results driven' as the US."

My friend shared, regarding his experiencing teaching in Japan, that they focus differently on academic outcome than in the States. "The obsession with exams is another problematic issue in Japan. In America, content and understanding is more emphasized generally, but in Japan memorizing how to answer has priority. One is working so hard for the eventual entrance exams to each level of school, especially the university entrance exams which are really hard.

He also echoed what was discussed among New Zealand teachers, saying, "Another challenge for any teacher, but probably more for a company teacher, is dealing with any student with special issues. The thing I would be told was, 'He is really shy' or 'He has difficulty paying attention.' In America, the attention on special issues and demands to be sensitive to such people is bold and outspoken. Here, still no one wants to come forward and say that their child is different. In America, the individual is prized. Here in Japan, uniformity and conformity is valued."

THE ATTITUDE OF THE STUDENTS

eye roll, attitude, teenager, trouble, teen A teen eye roll. Giphy GIF by Hyper RPG

In Japan, according to Brooke's personal experience, "When it comes to the students, there are two types of students in my personal Japanese classes. There's the student that's super shy and afraid to mess up. They move so slow and they're always second-guessing themselves. Even if they know the answer, they kind of will never say it because they think they might be wrong or that they'll get in trouble or something. That's kind of like the old Japan strictness still resonating in them.

And there's the other students, whose parents were trying to counteract that 'old Japan, like strict, strict, strict.' So these students have been raised with this sort of laissez-faire type of lifestyle where I'll say, 'Can you take out your books?' and they'll be like 'No!' 'Did you just yell at your teacher?' Or they'll shoot finger guns and say 'I'm angry at you, pow pow.' And things like that, which I never encountered in any of my classes in America."

She adds, "I've had some really crazy stories from my co-workers about things their students have done in class that are totally inappropriate."

A Redditor on the subreddit page r/AmerExit notes that the student attitude can be tough in larger cities in England. Addressing an American teacher with the hopes of teaching abroad, they wrote, "You'll probably have a miserable time teaching in London. The pupils, for the most part, will give you what appears to be a really hard time and if you don't understand our culture of banter."

LIVING (OR NOT SO LIVING) WAGES

Japan, Yen, money, Japanese currency, wages Yen currency on a table. Photo by Cullen Cedric on Unsplash

In Japan, Brooke was pleased with the teacher salary. "I can easily afford to live off it, so there's that too." My teacher friend did note that his workload has steadily increased over the years (but still might be less than in the States.) "Japan's economy has moved this industry towards work more, pay less, offer less benefits, and desires a high turnover."

However, the Redditor discussing teaching in the U.K. doesn't have it as good in terms of pay, but makes sure it's known that public healthcare and a good transit system help counteract it. "Our salaries are a lot lower than you'd find in the US, but take into account that we don't need to save up for healthcare or tax payments (the employer takes care of that). Also, our public transport, despite our complaints, is really quite good most of the time and you may find yourself wasting money on a car."

In New Zealand, the teachers make a pretty decent wage according to an article on the RNZ news site. And as in many countries, the more years of experience you have under your belt, the better the salary.

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