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A mom asked if it's appropriate to make a babysitter do housework and set the internet on fire

They're just sitting there while my kids sleep.

Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

Should babysitters be expected to clean?

When it comes to babysitting, you can hit the jackpot with someone who not only enjoys hanging out with your kiddos but also cleans out of boredom. The only babysitter I've had that experience with is my mom, but I do hear they do exist. While walking into a spotless house after a much-needed night out would be amazing, it's not really part of a standard babysitting package.

Typically, whoever babysits for you is solely there to focus on the well-being of your children. They feed them snacks, play games with them, and follow their bedtime routine to the letter. Then they hang out on your couch reminding Netflix that they're still watching and wait for you to return. Sure, they clean up dishes from dinner and whatever toys were pulled out during their time with your kids, but they don't typically clean your house.

But in a private parenting group I belong to, a long debate was started when a mom asked a group of 260k of her closest friends if it would be appropriate for a parent to ask a babysitter to clean their home.

The anonymous mom explained that her college-aged daughter had recently started babysitting for a family, but on the second day, her duties suddenly changed. There was a list of chores waiting for the babysitter that included cleaning the family's dishes and cleaning up messes that were there before the sitter arrived.

This revelation set off a firestorm of comments with many agreeing that anything outside of cleaning up after the children while they're in your care is a separate job. But not everyone was on the same page and it was clear that this was a topic that was going to cause some intense debate. Since summer months are here, there's no wonder this topic is coming up and views are split.

Should babysitters be expected to clean, one mom asks.

Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash

Scary Mommy recently published an article posing a similar question, only this was coming from a parent who wanted her babysitter to clean while her children slept. Elizabeth Narins explains that she and her husband are stretched thin and have an active toddler she jokingly calls a "toy tornado."

"Given the amount of housework that clearly needs to be done, paying someone to sit on our toy-covered couch during naps or after bedtime just seems... inefficient," Narins wrote before posing the question. "Is it completely out of line for me to ask her to declutter when my kids are in bed?"

Whether it's the expert interviewed for the Scary Mommy article or the parents in the private group, there does seem to be one common theme among the discourse: Any additional chores should be clarified in the original job description, and if it wasn't, then it should be directly brought up in a conversation with the babysitter.

Many parents in the comments believed that a housekeeper should be hired in addition to the babysitter, while others thought the babysitter should be offered more money for the additional work. But there were several people who thought it was just common courtesy for a babysitter to clean the house while the kids were asleep.

It may seem that you're paying a babysitter to do nothing while your children sleep, but you're paying them to be there in the event of an emergency. No matter which side of the debate you're on, it seems proper communication about expectations will save everyone a headache in the future.

Do you think cleaning should be expected from a babysitter?

This article originally appeared on 6.8.23

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babysitter cleaning

Family

Mom has a different take for the millennial parents 'always on their phone'

It's pretty spot on.

@sheisapaigeturner/TikTok

Maybe there's more to it than "bad parenting."

Unless you've been living on a remote, deserted island, you’re probably addicted to your phone. We’ve all been guilty of ignoring someone right in front of us because of text or a notification. It’s so common we even have a word for it: “phubbing.”

But parental phubbing, while just as prevalent as ordinary phubbing, is often seen as more than just a social faux pas. And this perhaps isn’t totally without merit, since research has shown that kids do in fact feel the effects of being ignored in this way.

And yet, as one mom eloquently points out, we can’t just chalk it up to “bad parenting.”

“I was just at my son's Taekwondo practice, and I'd say 75% of the parents are on their phones, right?” Paige Turner, a mom of four, says in a clip posted to her TikTok.

She continues: “And I have seen a lot of commentary about how parents are always on their phones, right? Parents are always texting. They're not watching their kids. They're not seeing how great their kids doing during Taekwondo or baseball or gymnastics, whatever it is. They're just too busy on their phone and why can't they just take a break and look up?”

And this is where Turner offers her alternate, but so spot on take.

“I think the average parent is being asked to do a lot, right? They are working full-time. There's a lack of childcare, so oftentimes, these parents are not only on their phones, I sit next to parents who are on their laptops at Taekwondo practice because we are technically still working, right?” she says.

Since most parents are technically still on the clock by the time an afternoon practice rolls around, of course they’re “Slacking on their phone. They're answering emails. Sometimes, they're even listening to a call,” Turner explains.

So maybe it’s not just about being present with their kids but about parents having to be on call 24/7.

“In an ideal world, our kids would have practices and games at times that allowed us to be fully present,” Turner says. But in reality, “we are being asked to go in many different directions right now, and so many of us don’t have that luxury.”

Turner also points out that the obligation to be at every practice or game is a fairly new concept, parents used to simply drop kids off and pick them up once whichever activity was over.

“We are being asked not only to do more physically: be at every practice, be at every game, volunteer, work full-time, pick up your kids from the bus stop, all these things. We're also being asked to be fully present for all of it, which is impossible,” she notes.

@sheisapaigeturner As parents, we need to be conscious of one and how we use our phones. However, a lot of the critique online specifically about parents being on their phone I could activities is likely missing the full picture. Many parents are multitasking. They are working while at basketball, they are ordering groceries while at dance practice. They are doing many things at one time and juggling all of it as soon as they can. #millennailmom #sportsmom #parentingadvice #socialmedia #workingmom #wfhmom #workingparent ♬ original sound - Paige

Turner concludes by sharing that she posted this perspective to offer some grace against the common “ugly narrative” that parents are simply not paying attention to their kids when parents are most likely doing the very best that they can.

Several parents agreed with Turner and added their own takes on the issue.

“The idea that we have to be present every single second of our child’s life is just INSANE. Especially coming from the ‘go outside and don’t come back until dark’ generation,” one person wrote.

Another added, “also, my phone is where I schedule appointments, order groceries, order prescriptions, fill out forms for all the things, research therapists and camps and doctors and adhd, & I’m a grad student.”

A few even pointed out that even when they aren’t working, phone use during practice shouldn’t be considered taboo.

“Even if you AREN’T working or doing something productive on your phone. Why would I want to watch soccer drills for an hour? Let me play candy crush in peace lol,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I’m absolutely not working but I’m using the opportunity of my child being fully engaged with an activity to freaking relax a little. I don't have to just sit and watch them 24/7 to have a relationship.”

Bottom line: of course, it’s important for parents to be mindful of their phone usage, especially when around kids. But our world makes that nearly impossible, and passing judgment on the moms and dads who do find themselves scrolling isn’t of help to anyone. A little compassion can go a long way here.

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kids

Family

People are debating the merits of a 24-hour daycare and the discussion is eye-opening

There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about the need for this.

StableDiffusion

Are 24-hour daycares a good idea?

Millions of American parents utilize daycare centers while they work. Since most people work during the day, most daycare center hours fall somewhere between 7:30am and 5:30pm. It's rare to find a daycare that's open after normal working hours.

But one "24-hour" daycare in Houston captured people's attention—and sparked a debate—when a mom posted about it on TikTok.

Adventure Kids Playcare in Houston isn't actually open 24 hours a day but it does offer childcare up to 10:00pm during the week and until midnight on Friday and Saturday nights. In the video, the mom drops her daughter off and we hear the employee tell her they close at midnight. The mom later says she picked her daughter up at 11:55pm.

Reactions to the video rand the gamut from "24-hour daycares are a brilliant idea for parents who work odd shifts" to "Moms shouldn't be leaving their kids at a daycare late at night just so they can go out," sparking a fascinating and eye-opening discussion.

First, here's the video that kicked off the whole debate:

@watchingalicia
😅😅🤷🏾‍♀️ #fypシ゚viral #fyp #girlmom #daughter #momsoftiktok #parenting #momlife

The video hit the popular Instagram account The Shade Room where people debated whether this kind of daycare arrangement was a positive or negative, and there was a wide range of opinions on all sides.

Some folks poo-pooed the idea of a 24-hour daycare center in general, which most people were quick to squash. Not everyone works a 9-to-5 job, and not everyone has access to people who can watch their kids in the evenings when they're at work, so a childcare center that's open late or all night provides a service some working parents might need.

"The convenience of a 24-hour daycare can't be overstated, especially for parents working unconventional hours," shared one X user. "It's a game-changer for the night shift workers and emergency responders who keep our cities running."

@arrtnem @MrsJellySantos I approve. Do you know how HARD it is to get someone to watch your kid overnight when you\u2019re on call for surgery?
— (@)

But a lot of the debate centered around parents leaving their kids at a care center not to work, but to go out at night and socialize. Some people felt strongly that it was inappropriate for kids to be up well past a standard child's bedtime waiting for their parent to pick them up. Some felt that a parent should have a babysitter come to the house so the child can sleep in their own bed and not be kept awake until late. On the flip side, others pointed out that a late night playing with other kids at a licensed, reputable facility would be fun for a lot of kids, and it may actually be a safer option than hiring a teenager to come stay at your house while your kid sleeps.

Others debated the appropriateness of a mother leaving her child at a facility late at night to go out on the town in general, stating that work is one thing but going out for purely social or personal reasons is another. Interestingly, this element of the discourse seemed to center entirely around mothers, which could be a whole other discussion for another day. Some people claimed that a mom dropping her kid off to go out late is being selfish and putting her needs above her child's. Others pointed out that all mothers—or parents—need breaks sometimes, and no one can judge what another parent does without knowing their full circumstances. As one commenter wrote, "Not everybody has a village."

The final fascinating split in this debate were the parents who feel unsafe leaving their children with anyone other than immediate family versus the parents who feel it's good for kids to have other caregivers and socialize with kids they don't know. The varying levels of trust or mistrust, comfort or fear parents have when it comes to their children offers some insight into how differently people view the world. Is one side right and the other wrong, or is it merely a difference in perception and personal preference?

If nothing else, hopefully the breadth of the discussion opened people's eyes to different viewpoints and to life circumstances they may not have considered. Often we can get stuck looking at and judging things through our own lens, forgetting that there's a whole big world of diverse situations we may not even be aware of that might make one person's "nope" another person's "yes, please and thank you."

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parenting

Family

Mom's new email signature has parents everywhere applauding her honesty about expectations

"I'm still good at my job. I'm still a professional. I'm also a mom of four kids and this is reality in America."

Meg St-Esprit|Twitter and Ketut Subiyanto|Canva

Mom creates relatable email signature for parents.

Childcare in America has been an issue since well before most of us were born, and it continues to be a struggle for parents. Daycare costs are rough—at one point in time, I paid $276 a week for one child to attend a daycare center, and that's not even the highest price I was quoted. But not everyone can afford the cost of childcare, and when you have multiple children who all need adult supervision, the cost can become astronomical.

The cost of childcare can cause some parents to make the decision to stay home while the other works if the family can survive on one income. In other instances, parents may be working from home while also juggling full-time parenting responsibilities. For parents in the latter category, one mom's new email signature is serving as a reminder that childcare is expensive and school is out for the summer.

Some folks who saw my email signature commented on it, so I wanted to share. The US is the only developed nation w/o subsidized childcare. Adding it would increase our GDP over 1 trillion dollars. Not a handout — it’s a smart decision when facing a recession and labor shortages. pic.twitter.com/iZGLMg1PJW
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) May 31, 2023

Meg St-Esprit was in the process of looking up babysitters and summer camps and realizing how unaffordable it was to try to accommodate four children when a "snippy" email came through, according to Today.com.

"In the moment, I was like: 'This is how it's going to be — people are going to need to know that this is how it's going to be for the next couple months,'" St-Esprit, told Today.com. "I'm still good at my job. I'm still a professional. I'm also a mom of four kids and this is reality in America."

St-Esprit is a freelance journalist based out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, so while her job may allow her to have some flexibility, people still expect prompt replies to correspondence. This mom decided that instead of adding additional stress to her plate, she would be brutally honest in her email signature. Honestly, the signature is pretty darn accurate. There are plenty of families in similar situations that probably wish they could change their email signature to something similar.

The signature reads, "Please note I may be slower to respond to email in the months of June, July and August due to the United States' inability to provide affordable childcare for working mothers."

St-Esprit shared a photo of her email signature to Twitter where she received a lot of support from other parents. She wrote about the benefits of universal subsidized childcare for the United States, saying, "The US is the only developed nation w/o subsidized childcare. Adding it would increase our GDP over 1 trillion dollars. Not a handout — it’s a smart decision when facing a recession and labor shortages."

While states do offer childcare assistance for lower-income families, the threshold can unintentionally cause parents to make difficult decisions to keep their childcare subsidy. I recall a phone call made by a parent who attended my child's daycare. The mom was explaining to her partner that she was given a promotion, but after speaking to the daycare director, if she took the raise, she would lose her subsidy and they would suddenly be responsible for paying nearly $900 a week. My eyes bulged at the thought, and as she collected her twins from my son's classroom, she pondered accepting the position but asking to keep the same pay because the new cost of daycare would essentially be a pay cut.

Today I went to my 4yo’s PreK Counts classroom for yoga with a special grownup. This is the only subsidized childcare my children have been able to access as middle earners and it’s been a GIFT. It also reduces educational costs long term because of the early education benefits. pic.twitter.com/hYUt5h129h
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) May 31, 2023

I have no idea what the outcome was in that situation because I was just a bystander, but the conversation stuck with me. It partly stuck out because I could've benefitted from a subsidy and partly because many middle-class families struggle with affording childcare but don't qualify for any sort of program to assist.

In a different tweet, St-Esprit also mentions this in-between experience.

"Today I went to my 4yo’s PreK Counts classroom for yoga with a special grownup. This is the only subsidized childcare my children have been able to access as middle earners and it’s been a GIFT. It also reduces educational costs long term because of the early education benefits," the freelance journalist wrote.

Surprisingly, through St-Esprit's frustrated signature, she found solidarity in the email responses she's received.

"I work with a lot of clients, so I thought maybe I should delete it," St-Esprit told Today.com. "Then people started to reply to it, writing: 'Side note: I love this.' 'Side note: Oh my gosh, this.'"

Obviously, there's something a little wonky with America's way of handling childcare. It's especially noticeable in comparison with other industrialized countries that have found a way to not only offer extended paid parental leave but also provide subsidized childcare for working parents.

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working parents

Internet

Divorce attorney shares why working moms are leaving their marriages

Women are not shocked by his answer.

Cottonbro from Pexels|Canva - Dennis Vetrano Jr.|TikTok

Working moms are filing for divorce more often

Being a parent is a full time job but without the money and health benefits. Kissing scrapped knees, planning meals, scheduling doctor appointments, extracurricular activities, PTO meetings, the list could go on for days. But in today's society many women with children not only work inside the home but outside as well because a two income household is necessary in many cases. So why are moms leaving their marriages to do it all on their own?

Divorce attorney, Dennis Vetrano Jr. posted a video to TikTok that has over 7.4 million views, explaining the rise of working moms filing for divorce. The revelation came as no surprise to women or other divorce attorneys who commented under Vetrano's video but it may be surprising to some men.

You know how there's that saying that girls mature faster than boys, the initiation of divorce by working moms may be a continuation of that notion.

"I'm seeing working moms doing it all, and I'm seeing the husbands step back and say, huh I don't gotta do a thing. She's got the kids, she's got the groceries, she's got the laundry, she's got the meals, she's got the work," Vetrano says. "That's the theme and women are tired."

Over the past few decades women have taken on more roles outside of the home out of necessity and desire but their load inside the home hasn't decreased. The wives Vetrano is speaking about have partners who haven't caught up with the evolution of roles. Essentially still living like the 50s expecting their wives to take care of all household responsibilities while ignoring the fact that their wives work outside of the home just like they do.

"We even filed the divorce, find the attorney, created the child custody schedule," one woman wrote.

"After my divorce I had one less child to take care of. Leveled up," another commented.

"I will never forget the day I said 'if i'm doing it all by myself, I might as well be by myself,'" someone else wrote.

Another divorce lawyer even chimed in saying that her clients who are women are often much happier after divorce. It certainly makes you wonder about the maturity theme here. Not in the way of men being immature but women adapting much more quickly to societal shifts as some men struggle to keep up or even see the correlation that leads to divorce.

Take a look at the video below and if you're feeling extra adventurous, check out the comments under the main video to see if you agree with the sentiments women are expressing.

@drvlaw
The major theme I’ve been seeing? Women are TIRED #divorce #divorced #divorceparty #divorcedlife #divorcedmom #divorcesucks #divorcecoach #divorcedparents #divorceattorney #divorcesupport #divorceparties #divorcehelp #divorcerecovery #DivorceForce #divorcecourt #divorcecommunity #divorcedonedifferently #divorceddad #divorcechaos #divorceproceedings #divorcedmoms #divorcee #divorcecoaching #divorcees #divorcecake #divorcelawyer #divorceeducation #divorcesurvivor

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working moms

Wellness

A four-day work week could be in the near future if California gets its way

Now this is an idea we could get behind.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Americans' long working hours put them at a disadvantage in several ways.

Many Americans hope for the day when the regular work week resembles that many of the other countries, with fewer work days, daily siestas and extensive paid leave packages. Having a nap pod under your desk or taking a six-week holiday is, to Americans, what fairytales are made of. Add in up to three years of paid parental leave, and you’re really entering a realm of perfection that Americans can only dream of. But we could be moving closer to those things than we think. While we're far from having three years off for bringing home a new baby, there are some moves toward redressing the balance between the amount of time spent at work and family (or other activity) time.

California recently introduced a bill, AB 2932, that aims to cut the work week from 40 to 32 hours. This reduction in hours would allow employees to have a four-day work week. The bill also outlines how overtime would be applied, where time and a half pay is required after an eight-hour work day, and anything above 12 hours is compensated with double pay. Workers also would not be docked pay if they did not meet the 32-hour minimum for their work week. While the work week would be a day shorter, employees would not be required to work more than an eight-hour shift. The proposed changes would only affect companies that have 500 employees or more.

If AB 2932 passes, California would be the first state to change the standard work week, which has been set at 40 hours since 1940. It was Ford Motor Companies that innovated the five-day, 40-hour work week in 1926. Congress was nearly 15 years behind with making it a federal law.

The shorter work week wouldn’t just be good for work-life balance, but it could also benefit Californians' mental and physical health. The American Heart Association discovered that people under 50 were at a higher risk for stroke when they worked more than 10 hours a day for a decade or more. A different study completed across 14 countries found that people who worked long hours were 12% more likely to become heavy drinkers. Researchers in Iceland found that when employees worked fewer hours each week “they felt better, more energised, and less stressed, resulting in them having more energy for other activities, such as exercise, friends and hobbies.”

Additional benefits of a shorter work week include lower overhead and other costs, as employees take fewer sick days and their productivity rises when they are at work.

It seems clear that a shorter work week has enough benefits to begin to sway any fence sitters. If California passes this law, the future of the 40-hour, five-day work week might eventually become a thing of the past across the entire country.

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A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response is a masterclass in workplace values.

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Patagonia has taken "family-friendly workplace" to a whole new level, and people are noticing.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "

Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com

RELATED: It only became legal to breastfeed in public in all 50 states in 2018.

Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

RELATED: Working and breastfeeding is hard. Studies say support from coworkers is key to success.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.

From Your Site Articles

working parents

A mom asked if it's appropriate to make a babysitter do housework and set the internet on fire

They're just sitting there while my kids sleep.

Mom has a different take for the millennial parents 'always on their phone'

It's pretty spot on.

People are debating the merits of a 24-hour daycare and the discussion is eye-opening

There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about the need for this.

Mom's new email signature has parents everywhere applauding her honesty about expectations

"I'm still good at my job. I'm still a professional. I'm also a mom of four kids and this is reality in America."

Divorce attorney shares why working moms are leaving their marriages

Women are not shocked by his answer.

A four-day work week could be in the near future if California gets its way

Now this is an idea we could get behind.

A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response is a masterclass in workplace values.

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

RELATED: It only became legal to breastfeed in public in all 50 states in 2018.

RELATED: Working and breastfeeding is hard. Studies say support from coworkers is key to success.

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

5-year-old gave his mom advice for handling nerves. It was both adorable and spot-on.

Two brothers Irish stepdancing to Beyoncé's country hit 'Texas Hold 'Em' is pure delight

Family posts a very chill note to neighbors explaining why their dog is on the roof

Cat owner put a first person camera on their collar and accidentally filled the world with delight