Woman shares three questions pregnant women can ask when they feel unheard by their doctor
Tired of being told "everything is normal?" These expert-backed questions can help.
So many women report being gaslit by the very people meant to help them in times of need.
We might attribute the image of a woman with actual medical concerns being labeled “hysterical” by her doctor to the bygone Victorian era, but very real challenges continue to this day.
Research shows that a gender bias still exists in medical care, particularly in chalking up women’s physical problems to psychological issues. Women are still more likely to be considered “emotional” and accused of “fabricating” their pain by a healthcare professional, whereas men are more likely to be called “stoic.”
As Anushay Hossain writes in her book “The Pain Gap: How Sexism and Racism in Healthcare Kill Women”:
“Women are not believed about their bodies — period.”
This dismissal of a woman’s medical concerns (which a whopping 72% of women say they have experienced) has caused serious illness and disease to be misdiagnosed as anxiety, depression or emotional distress. And for debilitating symptoms to be called “normal.” And because of this, more health care professionals are giving tips on how women can advocate for themselves.
Recently, in response to a pregnant woman who, you guessed it, was venting about a doctor telling her everything was “normal,” OBGYN Dr. Noa Sterling chimed in with some advice.
“This is how you're going to respond the next time you bring a symptom or a complaint to your OB provider and you're just told that's normal,” she began, adding that the commonly seen dismissal “100% contributes to maternal mortality.”
She even surmised, “I think that's one of the reasons why black maternal mortality is so much higher than you see with white women because oftentimes black women are not listened to.”
And with that, Dr. Sterling encouraged pregnant folks to ask these three questions next time their doctor tries to dodge their concerns:
- I know that normal pregnancy symptoms can sometimes be an indication that something more serious is going on. What about my situation tells you that this is not something serious and not something that I need to be concerned about?
- What should I be looking for that might indicate that this is a more serious symptom?
And finally, if you don't want to leave the office without some form of guidance on managing symptoms:
- I am glad that you think that this isn't something serious. However, I would like to do something about this symptom. What do you suggest?
@drsterlingobgyn #stitch with @katylynnsmithdesign How to communicate with your #obgyn #pregnant #pregnancystruggles #pregnancystressrelief #pregnancytips #advocatingforyourself #stressinpregnancy ♬ original sound - Noa Sterling, M.D., FACOG
Several commented on Dr. Sterling’s video also suggested that any dismissal of symptoms be recorded in their medical chart. While Sterling understood the reasoning behind that approach, she argued that leaning into the frustration can put providers “on the defensive.” In her opinion, people are “better served” by clearly reiterating their needs in a way that connects to “the humanity of both people involved.” Though she also acknowledges that that won’t work in every situation.
Point being: advocating for yourself, especially when it comes to medical concerns, is vital. That’s why it’s important to have healthy, effective tools for making sure your doctor actually hears you. And if they still won’t perhaps it’s best to look for a different provider.
For more tips, follow Dr. Sterling on TikTok.