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Millennials share 15 eye-opening parenting differences their Boomer parents never dealt with

"I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare."

Image via Canva

Millennial parents share how parenting has changed compared to Boomer parents.

Raising kids has changed with every generation. For Millennials raising kids, the parenting landscape has changed immensely since the experiences of their Boomer parents.

In an online parenting community, member @Eclectic7112 posed the question to fellow Millennials: "Millennials with kids, what's something you have to deal with, that your parents didn't have to deal with at the same level or at all?"

They followed it up with more details. "A lot has changed in the last 40 years. This includes raising kids. If there was something that you had to explain to your parents that's 'different' than it was when they raised us, what would it be?

parents, parenting, dad, babies, gifCome Here Season 6 GIF by This Is UsGiphy

As the first response, @Eclectic7112 shared, "I'll go first ---> the cost of childcare." And their peers did not hold back on their responses. Millennial parents opened up about 15 major changes they've faced as parents compared to the previous generation, from technology to sports to momfluencers.

1. "The expectation that work never ends and you should be reachable after work hours and weekends." - Beberuth1131

2. "My kids expect me to play with them ALL the time. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to talk to my dad while he was watching TV." - Dadbod646

kids, playing, parenting, playing with kids, playtimeWork From Home Kids GIF by MOODMANGiphy

3. "Having grandparents who don't help. My grandma helped, and I spent months with my grandparents during the year." -SandiegoJack

4. "Prices of stuff in general. My mom managed to raise three kids on one income at a gas station and we always had everything we needed. Did she struggle? Of course, but it was still do-able. It is beyond impossible now, even at my $20/hour paycheck." - Old-Capital5079

5. "Momfluencers." - Puzzleheaded-Sphinx

6. "Sports are so different now. I'm 43. My kid is 9 and plays hockey. Youth sports have gotten nuts. When I was a kid, you played hockey in the winter. You played for your town's team. You had a practice each week and a game each week. Now there are spring leagues, and summer leagues. There are 'competitive' triple A programs that cost tens of thousands of dollars a year. Practices are 2+ times a week or more. I've talked to other parents who are already talking about college scholarships or going pro... it's nuts. Like you don't HAVE to sign up for all of it but once you put your kid in a sport there is SO MUCH pressure to do more. I used hockey as an example but I have friends with kids who've had the same experiences in baseball, cheerleading, gymnastics, swimming, soccer..." - seanofkelley

cheerleading, cheerleader, kids cheer, cheer squad, cheerleading sportbring it GIF by LifetimeGiphy

7. "Play dates... apparently nobody can be trusted enough to watch your kid until they're like 8 or 9." - JP96

8. "The fact that technology is so integrated with school. I can’t keep my kids off screens because that’s how they do 90% of their schoolwork. Their schools start providing Chromebooks in kindergarten. Half of their assignments require watching Youtube videos. They have to fill out google forms for school events. And my kids’ band director pushes out music and drill on google drive. I constantly have to find new ways to try to give them access to what they need but still limit the constant unfettered access to the internet." - UnhappyDimension681

9. "How we sit in cars. We kind of just laid in the back on road trips. Now they're in boosters until their big. I understand safety obviously but big difference in Long road trips!" - Jessssiiiiccccaaaa

minivan, road trip, travel with kids, traveling, carHappy Honda GIFGiphy

10. "Social media and keeping-up-with-the-Jones. Almost every 8-year old in my daughter's class has a cell phone OR an Apple Watch. It's hard for my wife and I to explain to our daughter why we don't think it is a good idea for her yet. There was even some TikTok drama at her school that got the district's attention where some 5th graders were randomly matching up 5th graders as if they were dating." - dr_z0idberg_md

11. "Monitoring their consumption of media is far and away the hardest thing. I haven't caught them watching anything TOO out of bounds, but the other day we were talking about someone who'd only go on a trip if someone else was paying for it, and my 10 y/o daughter asked 'You mean like a sugar baby?' and I just...how? Where? She likes watching Youtube shorts and tutorials and those "oddly satisfying" videos, and sometimes looks up musicians she likes, but I can't screen everything she can get her hands on. I looked at her history and nothing pops out, and maybe it was someone from school, but I just don't know." - andmewithoutmytowel

12. "Summer camp. My ass was out from morning to 7 at night." - awiththejays

summer camp, camp, sleep away camp, overnight camp, kids campsummer camp GIFGiphy

13. "School drop off and pick up. I walked to school and home from school as an elementary school kid. Now, if your elementary school kid tries to walk to the school door without a parent, they’d be on the phone with CPS before your kid’s butt crossed the threshold. Walking to/from school is still a common practice in other countries but sadly not here anymore." - TrickyOperation6115

14. "Every birthday party needs a theme now." - Janeheroine

15. "The fact that we can never watch tv because the kids can watch exactly what they want on demand at anytime, not having to wait for the cartoons to come on." - Woefulraddish


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Parenting

Millennials bond over their Boomer parents' 'gramnesia.' Here's what the viral term means.

People can't get over how "accurate" it is.

@millennialmomtherapist/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

Millennials, are you victims of "gramnesia"?

It’s funny how once a sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to understand and relate to. The Internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”), but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point: “Gramnesia.”

“Gramnesia,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June of 2024, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

In her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they've clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some examples of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, McQuaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramnesia:

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”


parenting, conflict, kids, parents, gramnesiaThese moments may be harder to remember. Image via Canva

McQuaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One is that it could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.” As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. McQuaid herself admitted that ”I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, McQuaid theorized that gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, McQuaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up and set the record straight, McQuaid suggests to actually keep it centered around you and how the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So, instead of saying, “That’s NOT how it happened!” try something like, “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone.

parenting, parenting life, parents, babies, having childrenYou'll probably forget the stress of these days too. Image via Canva.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”


@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact ♬ original sound - Parkrose Permaculture


“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Millennial's funny attempts to teach her boomer mom gentle parenting has people rolling

This clip has struck a chord, along with a few funny bones.

@thedailytay/TikTok

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.

And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.

A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.

Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”


@thedailytay GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

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