Gen X's unique mid-life crisis: Caring for teens and aging parents at the same time

The term "mid-life crisis" has been used for generations to describe the phase of identity-seeking and introspection that hits sometime in your 40s or 50s. Stereotypically, a mid-life crisis is marked by restlessness, dissatisfaction, and a desire for a significant life change.

Gen Xers are now fully immersed in their mid-life era, and many have a crisis on their hands that can't be resolved with a shiny sports car or a change of scenery. Millions in the "forgotten generation" are finding themselves knee deep in two major roles— parenting teens and young adults and caring for their aging parents—and it's not going so great. It's like the mid-life version of "Reality Bites."

  How is Gen X middle-aged already?  Giphy  

Of course, every generation has had to navigate parenting and caring for elders, but cultural and economic shifts have put Gen X in a unique position of navigating both at the same time and in a more intense way than previous generations did. Many Gen Xers started families in their later 20s and early 30s, pushing the parenting teens and young adults stage a bit later than previous generations. Add on the fact that Gen X's boomer parents are living longer and have more chronic health problems than previous generations, and we have a perfect storm of caretaking overload that can feel wholly unsustainable.

Let's start with the emotional toll of navigating both of these roles at once. Everyone knows that parenting teens isn't easy, but it's arguably more complex now than it used to be. Previous parenting generations didn't have the internet and social media to contend with, and the mental health crisis of Gen Z means parents spend lots of time helping kids navigate emotional and psychological challenges. Today's young people are awesome in so many ways, but parenting them is a more intensive experience than, say, raising Gen X, who were largely left to our own devices (for better and for worse).

  Gen Z teens and young adults often confide in their parents, which is great. It also means more intensive parenting than previous generations.Photo credit: Canva

Then add on the reality of parents getting older and starting to decline physically and mentally, and the fact that there's a lack of dementia doctors for the growing population of boomers needing care, and the frustration of Gen Xers having to help navigate the increasingly confusing healthcare system on behalf of their parents, and it's easy to see why the sandwich generation might feel a little burned out.

Oh, and just for funsies, women in this age group are also going through perimenopause and menopause and dealing with all of the delightful symptoms that comes with those stages. Good times.

  Hot flashes are only one of dozens of perimenopause and menopause symptoms.  Giphy  

And let's not forget the financial weight of it all. Theoretically, Gen Xers are at the peak of their careers and should be reaping the financial benefits of seniority and experience, but the fluctuating economy hasn't really allowed for that. According to Forbes, the average Gen Xer is "woefully unprepared" and "may require a miracle" to be able to retire, with only a small fraction of the money they should have in their retirement accounts (if they even have a retirement account at all). Plus, Gen X is apparently being passed over for leadership positions as boomers hold onto executive roles longer and companies look to younger generations to replace them, so that's neat. Trying to catch up on retirement savings while also just dealing with the cost of daily living would already be a lot, but many Gen Xers are doing that while also taking on expenses from their kids and parents both.

Gen X is putting kids through college in an era of ridiculous tuition costs, some while still paying off their own student loans they assumed would be paid off by now. Gen Z young adults also aren't launching as early as previous generations since wages haven't kept up with the cost of living, and housing is simply unaffordable for many young people on beginner salaries. So even post-college, many are still living at home with their Gen X parents to save money and rely on their parents for financial help.

And on the other end, we have the exorbitant cost of elder care, especially when there are physical or cognitive issues that require extra assistance. A lot of boomers aren't able to afford assisted living, which puts them and their families in a bind when that becomes a necessary option. The estimated median cost of living in an assisted living facility in 2025 is a whopping $72,924 a year—who can afford that but the wealthy? Even if Gen Xers bring their parent with extra needs into their home to live with them, most middle-agers are working full-time and would need to hire someone to provide their parent care during the work day. Home health care is covered by Medicare with certain medical conditions, but it's not covered if an elderly loved one only needs help with basic living activities like bathing, dressing, cooking, using the bathroom, etc. Caregiving isn't cheap, nor should it be, but someone has to shoulder those costs and Gen X is increasingly bearing the brunt of it.

What's to be done about this growing crisis? It's not like we can snap our fingers and make life more affordable for our kids or prevent our parents from needing our help as they age. What we can do is try to manage the stress that comes with these roles.

Changebridge Medical Associates offers 9 tips for the sandwich generation to lessen the stress of this stage of life. Some may feel more doable than others, but :

Communicate openly. Be open and honest in your communication. The ability to say, ‘I’m overwhelmed’ or ‘I need to step away,’ has become even more important. Remember that you are not alone, and that other people are struggling, too.

Identify stressors: What events or situations trigger stressful feelings? Are they related to your children, family health, financial decisions, work, relationships, or something else? Be sure to clearly identify the cause of your stressors so you can deal with them effectively.

  Gen X is facing multiples stressors on multiple fronts.Photo credit: Canva

Be kind to others. Understand that we are all in the same predicament. If someone is having a tough day or hard time with something, showing kindness to each other can bring you even closer with your colleagues and friends.

Set boundaries in your home. Prioritize and delegate responsibilities. Identify ways your family and friends can lessen your load so that you can take a break. Delay or say no to less important tasks and do not feel guilty using the word “no."

Be clear on what your must-dos are. Make lists and cross off items as they are accomplished. Some people find gratification in writing a To Do list every day and crossing off things as they are completed. I know quite a few people who use Notes on their phone or utilize their calendar to set daily reminders. Whatever works best to stay organized throughout your day is what you need to do to set daily goals and tasks for yourself.

  Prioritizing is one key to avoiding overwhelm and burnout.  Giphy  

Set a routine. Keeping yourself and your family on a daily routine, especially during the week can be quite helpful. Setting expectations that your family can abide by and rely on is helpful in maintaining household organization which will ultimately bring you peace of mind. Creating a weekly menu to plan your food shopping alleviates a lot of pressure and stress.

Prioritize sleep. Sleep instead of watching more TV and scrolling through your phone. Add the extra minutes onto your sleep schedule. We all know how much sleep we need for optimal functionality. Do not shortchange yourself. Rest when you can. Do not be afraid to close your bedroom door for a power nap or some alone time. It is important for us all to take care of ourselves so we can be present for others.

Take Time for You. This is by far the most important tip. It is crucial for you to take time for yourself every day doing something that you love in order for you to destress. Focus on your own health and wellness by eating right, drinking a lot of water, and exercising. We spend so much time taking care of our families that we do not often stop to focus on our own wellbeing. Sign up for a local yoga class, take a walk or bike ride around your neighborhood, join a neighborhood walking or running club, or grab a book and find a quiet place in your home where you can close a door. Whatever it is that will give you time to recharge and pause from the day to say stressors is important for your physical and mental health.

  It might feel impossible sometimes, but caregiving requires self-care, too.   Giphy  

Ask for professional support: Accepting help from supportive friends and family can improve your ability to persevere during stressful times. If you continue to be overwhelmed by stress or the unhealthy behaviors you use to cope, you may want to talk with your primary care physician and/or a psychologist who can help you address the emotions behind your worries, better manage stress, and change unhealthy behaviors.

The one benefit of so many Gen Xers finding themselves in this boat is that no one is alone in it. Support and solidarity go a long way toward lightening the load, even in the face of unchangeable realities. Hopefully, that acknowledgment and the resilience that has always been a hallmark of Gen X will help us navigate these challenges as we walk through them together.