upworthy

beauty

Tanya Sangani/Instagram (used with permission)

So many people aren't used to getting compliments.

Asking random strangers questions has become a fun way to utilize social media in the 21st century, with viral gems like "the corn kid" and couples sharing their love stories delighting audiences. But one woman in New York has a unique twist on the "asking strangers" trend that has people inspired to see the beauty in everyone.

Tanya Sangani, whose social media content focuses on kindness, asks random people in New York City one question: What's it like to be beautiful? That's it. So simple. But the way people respond to that question speaks volumes about how they're used to—or not used to—seeing themselves.

Watch these reactions:


@tanyasangani

Hope core in New York #god #hopecore #actsofkindness #humanity #actsofservice

First of all, "Oh bro, that's so wholesome," is the most wholesome response possible to that question, right? And clearly the guy at the end needed to hear the compliment embedded in the question.

See how everyone's first reaction to the question is to smile and then seem sort of humbly embarrassed? Being told they're beautiful as the baseline of the question takes them off guard. The question they're being asked to answer is "What's it like?" but the underlying message is an unequivocal "You are beautiful, no question about it."

That's the wisdom of the question itself. Sangani doesn't ask people, "Do you think you're beautiful?" or "Do you see your own beauty?" Their inherent beauty is not in question. It's a given. And just that simple wording disarms people in way that's truly beautiful to see.

"When I ask others, 'What’s it like to be beautiful?' my intention is not only to explore the meaning of beauty but to help each person recognize it within themselves," Sangani tells Upworthy. "I want them to see their own light—the radiance that starts from within and shines outward. Through their stories, I hope to remind all of us that beauty is not just seen, it is felt. It is within all of us."

In video after video, we see similar responses, with some people even getting teary as they try to figure out what to do with the question.

@tanyasangani

Hype up these amazing humans in the comment section ! #hopecore #actsofservice #actsofkindness #wordsofaffirmation #newyorkers

"I started asking people what it’s like to be beautiful because, growing up, I was bullied for not fitting into conventional standards of beauty," Sangani tells Upworthy. "It made me question: What does it really mean to be beautiful? Is beauty something we can see and measure, or does it come from a deeper place within us? This question stayed with me for years, shaping how I saw myself and the world. There were times when I felt I looked good on the outside, but something still felt missing—I didn’t truly feel beautiful. It was in those moments of disconnect that I came to understand: beauty isn’t just about appearance. True beauty is found in the essence of who we are and the energy we bring into the world."

People in the comments share what seeing these videos means to them and how simple acts of kindness like this can make a surprisingly bit impact.

"Normalize treating people with love and watching them glow."

"Omg the lady who cried. Why is it the most beautiful people and ypu just feel her beautiful aura too that just never know their true beauty."

"This was wonderful because those young men will remember that compliment when they are 80. Guys almost never get an honest compliment so it will hold with them."

"I love this. You be amazed how many people are shook with a question like this. It shows you how many people struggle with their self esteem. This was a sweet experiment."

"Girl you healed something inside each one of them that day. 🫶"

"Sometimes I really really love humans. Wow."

"If only we could all see the beauty in ourselves and others.... what a wonderful world this would be."

What's interesting is that the responses are so similar, whether it's a person considered "conventionally beautiful" or not. People often don't see their own beauty, even when others do, and

The word "beautiful" also means so many things—it's not just about meeting some arbitrary criteria for social beauty standards. It's not the same as "pretty" or "handsome." Beauty is something bigger, deeper, more than what someone looks like on the surface.

As one person said, "I was noticing how they actually look more beautiful after you asked them the question." So true.

As Sangani says, "Beauty is the kindness that lives in your heart, the part of you that touches others and never fades. It’s the warmth you give—the way you make people feel seen, loved, and valued. It’s found in the how you make others laugh, the comfort of being with those who matter most, and the light you carry that can brighten someone’s day, even without a word. Beauty is an energy, an aura, a presence that can touch lives even before a conversation begins."

Who would imagine that a question as simple as "What's it like to be beautiful?" could elicit such emotional responses, both from the people being asked and the people witnessing their responses?

"This made me cry. Love it. We need to compliment each other more!!!!"

"My eyes are getting watery, what’s happening 🥺 ugh, i love this!!!!!!!!"

"Crying for everyone of us that doesn’t know how to respond to this question. This touches my heart so deeply. ❤️"

"Thank you for making me cry and I mean that in the most awesome way. 🥰"

"This is the most positive life affirming act. It is so easy to tell someone they are beautiful and mean it. Why can’t we do this more?!?"

It's true. This is something any one of us can do at any time. Clearly, most of us could use the confidence boost, and who wouldn't want to see a stranger's face light up the way these folks' do?

Thank you, Tanya, for the inspiration. Let's all vow to pay people more compliments, however we choose to do it.

You can follow Tanya Sangani on Instagram and TikTok for more examples of humans being beautiful.


Surface beauty comes with its own down sides.

Humans have long made much ado about beauty, so much so that the word has become loaded with pressures, especially for women. In addition to inspiring painters and poets, beauty is now a billion-dollar industry filled with countless beauty products peddled by beauty influencers that we have to contend with.

Who's considered "beautiful" is quite subjective, but some people are just universally attractive. Women in particular may spend a lot of time and money to enhance or create their beauty and some simply have naturally beautiful features. But regardless of how they got there, we've all known (and often envied) women who turn heads when they walk into a room.

We also know that kind of beauty comes with a certain kind of power to attract and influence. But what about when that surface beauty starts fading with age? What happens when the supple skin starts shriveling, full pouts thin out, perimenopause weight hits and women who were once considered young and beautiful no longer turn heads?


Someone asked the AskOldPeople Reddit group, "If you were beautiful when you were younger, what has it been like to lose its power?" and many of the answers were unexpectedly empowering. Rather than being sad about losing their looks, so many women have found being not young and beautiful anymore freeing. Here are some of the most popular responses:

"Better to lose my looks than my brains, or my compassion, or my curiosity. I had my 'hot girl' phase. It was fun but it was nothing to build a life around."

"I’ve likened it to driving a fancy car. Fun, but hardly life changing. And TBH there’s a certain comfort to the anonymity of late-middle-age. I don’t miss the leers and the low-grade-ever-present-threat associated with being young and beautiful."

"48 year old woman here and completely invisible to the majority of society. I love it! It's been the most freeing thing in the world!!"

"Yes! Freedom is the first word I think of about this."

"Yes!! Totally agree! I used to get a lot of attention and couldn't even have conversations with men without them thinking it was some sort of invitation. I was that combo of good looking but not too good looking and a friendly personality. Now I get very little attention from men and dang is it nice. It's less about losing looks I think and more about losing youth. I am now in my early 40s and by far the happiest, most comfortable I've ever been."

"And the sheer confidence that comes with the years and not giving a rip anymore is just 🤌chef’s kiss*. I love my 40’s. You put an obstacle in front of a group of 40 year old women, get back cause we’re tearing it apart. We get shit done and don’t give a an f who’s in our way. It feels a bit like a super power to be honest. Give that back for the youthful beauty of my 20’s? Pffffttrtttt hail nah."

"Another middle aged woman here, chiming in to agree that it's awesome to be invisible to the type of men that can't leave young, attractive women alone."

"Well said! It's been wonderful to just slowly disappear into the background."

"Omg I love being invisible! It is like a superpower. I was very pretty when younger, and now I don’t have to be self conscious bc no one is staring."

"Truth! It’s been like gaining a superpower for me!"

"Yes, while some of my peers were complaining about becoming invisible, I have found it very freeing."

"I still feel great and I no longer have to make conversation with random dudes who feel entitled to my time."

"Exactly! I joke that now that I look like an older mom or grandma, I can be friendly and nice without having to worry about the result. No more weird stalker responses, no more harassment for my phone number and then being called a bitch. I can just respond how I want….use the term honey….whatever….get that extra service because everyone likes mommy love….with no ick to worry about."

"Liberating! Yeah sure now and then it’s … I’m trying to think of a word but honestly it doesn’t bother me. I love it in fact. I like blending in with the crowd. I like not being singled out and hassled and burdened with other people's desires or being accused of being in love with someone’s boyfriend just because perhaps I was a bit too vivacious."

"I once sat next to a beautiful girl after dancing at EDC and asked her if she ever thought her beauty at times was a burden. She told me that she felt like she lost female friendships because some of her friends thought that she was trying to sleep with their boyfriends. She said she felt lonely and just wanted to be friends — and that part of it was very unfair to her."

"I think with age the focus moves from external validation to internal validation from the self. A kind of inner beauty radiates outward from that deep self acceptance. When I was young and aesthetically pleasing to the world, I enhanced my youthful beauty, unnecessarily with all the cosmetic accoutrements I was brainwashed into believing were needed to feel worthy of the male gaze. Now, in my wizened self I feel a confidence in my beauty that transcends aesthetics. I no longer care for the male gaze, nor do I seek it. I have become worthy of more than that, even without enhancement."

"It’s a slow process. You don’t notice day to day. When it finally happens you’re old enough to understand that beauty is just a creation. You’ll always be beautiful to those who love you."

"Back it up with knowledge, skills, experience, wisdom so when your beauty fades, you will have a soft cushion to land on. That's what I did, and it works."

"I am still a good looking person. But I've noticed that...

1) the people my age who will be attracted to me are also older and they learned a long time ago that certain things ain't gonna fly like they did 20 or 30 years ago.
2) the power of being pretty is dependent on other people being brainlessly susceptible to pretty. Older, wiser people place value on things beyond just a pretty face so it's going to take more than that to get any special treatment.
3) my personality and confidence have always yielded the most power."

"There’s a whole bunch of power in knowing who you are what you’ve accomplished and being happy with yourself and your life. That’s 100 times more powerful than turning a few heads. Everyone grows older, everyone has their looks fade to a certain extent, but what’s inside you is what makes you powerful. This you never lose.

Be a good person of character and you will always have the power."

"I think with age the focus moves from external validation to internal validation from the self. A kind of inner beauty radiates outward from that deep self acceptance. When I was young and aesthetically pleasing to the world, I enhanced my youthful beauty, unnecessarily with all the cosmetic accoutrements I was brainwashed into believing were needed to feel worthy of the male gaze. Now, in my wizened self I feel a confidence in my beauty that transcends aesthetics. I no longer care for the male gaze, nor do I seek it. I have become worthy of more than that, even without enhancement."

Of course, some people have had a harder time with losing their surface beauty than others, for various reasons. But everyone learns at some point that looks aren't something to create your personality around or rely on for attention or connection with people. As one woman wrote:

"I was sad to become invisible in my 40s. In my 50s, I upped my game (clothes, shoes, got an actual haircut) and became visible again. I didn’t regain the power of beauty, but at least I was visible. I was a bit sad about it. People didn’t think I was so fascinating anymore. I realized that maybe I never was, but people wanted to talk to me because of how I looked. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted. But it’s ultimately superficial."

It may sound cliche, but true beauty really does comes from within. "Pretty privilege" has both its benefits and its pitfalls, but one of the life lessons that comes with age is that inner beauty only has upsides and gets better as you age. If you focus on enhancing your true self instead of being overly concerned about how you look, aging out of youthful beauty can be liberating and empowering.

Joy

Watch as this couple experiences a lifetime together in a single day

Watch a couple age a lifetime together in a single day.

Couple prepares for their physical transformations.

In this super-cool video from Field Day and Cut Video, a young engaged couple is given a rare opportunity to see how they might look 30, 50, and 70 years in the future. With the help of some seriously talented makeup artists, the couple ages before each other's eyes.

But, it's the deep emotional impact of imagining a life shared together that is far more striking than their physical transformation.


Their love seems to strengthen as they see each other age, and the caring they display for one another is likely to make even the most cynical person a little emotional.

This article originally appeared on 05.15.15

Pop Culture

A comic about wearing makeup goes from truthful to weird in 4 panels.

A hilariously truthful (and slightly weird) explanation of the "too much makeup" conundrum.

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

A comic shows the evolution or devolution from with makeup to without.

Even though I don't wear very much makeup, every few days or so SOMEONE...

(friends, family, internet strangers)

...will weigh in on why I "don't need makeup."


Now, I realize this is meant as a compliment, but this comic offers a hilariously truthful (and slightly weird) explanation of the "too much makeup" conundrum.

social norms, social pressure, friendship, self esteem

“Why do you wear so much makeup?"

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

passive aggressive, ego, confidence, beauty

“See, you look pretty without all that makeup on."

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

expectations, beauty products, mascara, lipstick

“Wow you look tired, are you sick?"

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

lizards, face-painting, hobbies, hilarious comic

When I shed my human skin...

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

Not everyone is able to turn into a badass lizard when someone asks about their face-painting hobbies. Don't you kinda wish you could? Just to drive this hilarious comic all the way home, here are four reasons why some women* wear makeup:

*Important side note: Anyone can wear makeup. Not just women. True story.

Four reasons some women* wear makeup:

1. Her cat-eye game is on point.

mascara, eyes, confidence

Her cat-eye game is on point.

Via makeupproject.

2. She has acne or acne scars.

acne, cover up, scarring, medical health

She has acne or acne scars.

Via Carly Humbert.

3. Pink lipstick.

lipstick, beauty products, basics, self-expression

Yes, pink lipstick.

Via Destiny Godley

4. She likes wearing makeup.

appearance, enhancement, creative expression

Happy to be going out and feeling good.

Happy Going Out GIF by Much.

While some people may think putting on makeup is a chore, it can be really fun! For some, makeup is an outlet for creativity and self-expression. For others, it's just a way to feel good about themselves and/or enhance their favorite features.

That's why it feels kinda icky when someone says something along the lines of "You don't need so much makeup!" Now, it's arguable that no one "needs" makeup, but everyone deserves to feel good about the way they look.

For some people, feeling good about their appearance includes wearing makeup. And that's totally OK.


This article originally appeared on 05.28.15