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There are times in parenting where you just feel kind of useless. You can't carry the baby, take a late-night breastfeeding shift, or absorb any of the pain and discomfort of childbirth. Sometimes the best you can do is to try to take care of your partner. That's what brought user u/DietyBeta to the AskParents subreddit with a well-meaning question.

"My wife watches our 1yo, works, and is 12 week pregnant. How can I make her daily life easier while I'm away at work?"

He says that when he gets home from work, he takes over all parenting and homemaking duties.

But yeesh! That's still... a lot to handle. No wonder his wife is stressed out.

A few folks chimed in to pat the OP on the back. After all, it's great to see a dad who realizes how much is falling on mom's shoulders and actively looking for ways to lighten the load!

Some helpful suggestions rolled in, like taking over meal prep and making her easy lunches to heat up, hiring cleaners, or paying someone to walk the dogs.

woman in black shirt lying on couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash


But then even more people came in to the comments asking the same question over and over: If mom is working, why isn't the 1-year-old in daycare?

u/young-mommy wrote: "Is the one year old in daycare? If not, I would start there. Working from home with a child gets harder and harder as they enter toddlerhood"

u/min2themax said: "It’s nice of you to be asking how to help her but she really is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. It sounds like she is literally always working or parenting. Sometimes both at the same time. Walking the dogs and making her lunches and prepping meals and doing laundry is all well and good but this is not at all sustainable."

u/alternative-box3260 said: "Have the one year old in daycare. I was in a similar situation and it’s impossible. I was able to breath after that, not before."

And u/sillychihuahua26 wrote: "She’s caring for your 1.year old while working? That’s a horrible plan. You guys need childcare like yesterday."

We have a legitimate childcare crisis in our country, and stories like this one really bring it to life.

Childcare in the United States isn't nearly accessible or affordable enough for most families. Period.

ChildCare Aware found that that average cost of childcare in 2022 was $10,853 per year, or roughly 10% of a median family income (in 2024, it's likely even more than that — yet the actual workers at childcare centers are somehow severely underpaid).

But even that eye-popping number is conservative. Anyone who lives anywhere close to a city (or in California or New York) knows the number will be way higher. It's just not feasible for most families to put their child, let alone multiple children, in full-time care while they're young.

And yet! The percentage of households with two parents working full-time has been rising for decades. Life is more expensive than ever, and the extra income from two working parents really helps, even if it's offset by those child care costs.

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

woman in white shirt sitting on brown wooden armchair Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Now we don't know whether the OP's family can afford childcare for their 1-year-old or not, although in a later update to the post he wrote:

"As far as daycare, she doesn't want to because she feels like she would be missing out on the time"

So even if you can afford childcare, there's the still the crushing guilt of shipping your child off to be raised by strangers to deal with! Classic.

(Take one guess who shoulders most of the daycare guilt — dads or moms?)

The work-from-home revolution has been a Godsend for parents in certain ways — flexibility, balance, less commuting time — but its also saddled many of them with double duty.

'Hey how about you work full-time because we need the money AND keep an eye on the kids, since you're home anyway!'

But it doesn't work like that, and trying to do both is crushing modern parents.

In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States just put out an official advisory based on the plummeting mental state of today's parents.

We know parents are having a hard time and that it's getting picked up in the national conversation. But hearing about a mom working full-time with a 1-year-old on her hip while pregnant, and a dad stuck working out of the house who's at a total loss for how to make things better really paints a pretty bleak picture.

No one should have to work full-time and parent full-time, at the same time.

A fridge full of microwavable lunches and a fleet of dog walkers isn't going to make it any better until things start changing from the very top.

This article originally appeared in September.

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Small actions lead to big movements.

Acts of kindness—we know they’re important not only for others, but for ourselves. They can contribute to a more positive community and help us feel more connected, happier even. But in our incessantly busy and hectic lives, performing good deeds can feel like an unattainable goal. Or perhaps we equate generosity with monetary contribution, which can feel like an impossible task depending on a person’s financial situation.

Perhaps surprisingly, the main reason people don’t offer more acts of kindness is the fear of being misunderstood. That is, at least, according to The Kindness Test—an online questionnaire about being nice to others that more than 60,000 people from 144 countries completed. It does make sense—having your good intentions be viewed as an awkward source of discomfort is not exactly fun for either party.

However, the results of The Kindness Test also indicated those fears were perhaps unfounded. The most common words people used were "happy," "grateful," "loved," "relieved" and "pleased" to describe their feelings after receiving kindness. Less than 1% of people said they felt embarrassed, according to the BBC.



So, maybe with kindness, we need to put our social anxieties away and act without overthinking (to a certain point, of course). Perhaps it’s best to find the simplest actions we can commit to on a daily basis, rather than formulating some grandiose gesture.

Reddit user u/tacoabouttoeat asked the online forum “what’s a small act of kindness that literally anyone can do/practice everyday?” and people gave some brilliantly simple ideas.

Here are eight easy-to-accomplish crowdsourced answers that might bring us one step closer to a more peaceful world:

1. Be aware of your surroundings.

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It takes zero effort.

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Either move with the flow of traffic or get to the side if you have to situate yourself.” – @JoeMorgue

2. Use headphones when taking public transport.

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A tune we can all groove to.

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If you don’t have them - you can go 20 minutes without making excessive noise while sharing a small space with other people.” – @cynthiayeo

3. Give compliments.

abbott elementary

Does anyone not like feeling appreciated? Anyone?

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“If you have a charitable thought about someone, even a stranger, say it out loud to their face. It is free, it is easy, and it might be the best thing that has happened to that person all week. Nothing creepy or overtly sexual or flirty, just kind words. ‘That shirt is really your color! Your haircut is beautiful. I appreciate your help, you were a real lifesaver!’ It doesn't cost you anything and it means the world to the people you are talking to.” – @Comments_Wyoming

4. Hold doors open for people.

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An instant warm welcome no matter where you are.

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Makes a big difference in one's day.” – @sconnie64

5. Don’t act on “road rage."

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Be like bond. Keep it cool.

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After several years of commuting I came to the realization that with a few exceptional days, I always got home at the same time. Regardless of how many people ‘cut me off’ or drove too slowly and whatever. I started to just ‘go with the flow’ and always let people in when needed, always give extra room, and just enjoy my music/podcast. Life changing.” – @CPCOpposesAbortion

6. Have patience.

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You never know what someone is going through.

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You never know what someone else is going through. Could be a breakup, their dog just died, granny finally made it to heaven, or maybe mom just broke the news that she's got end stage cervical cancer and has weeks left to live. You never know, so be patient. After all, wouldn't you want someone to be patient with you?” – @mamalion12

7. Thank the people you live with for taking care of things around the house.

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No, thank YOU for the "thank you."

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It doesn’t have to be over the top, but everyone feels better about doing chores when it is noticed and appreciated. ‘Thanks for folding my laundry’ or ‘thanks for always keeping track of our bills, you’re awesome at managing money!’” – @Mrshaydee

8. Leave a place you visit just a little bit nicer than when you found it.

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Your future self will thank you for it.

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Pick up a piece of litter at the park. Give that mat with a pucker ready to trip someone a little tug to get it to lay flat in the business you're at. Let an employee know when you spot a leaky dairy product on the shelves so they can deal with it. Return someone else's grocery cart.” – @BlueberryPiano


This article originally appeared on 10.4.22

A woman keeping herself from dropping truth bombs.

For most of us, there is an enormous chasm between what we think and say aloud. Comedians, artists and writers have the privilege of being able to speak their minds publicly, but for most of us, it’s hard to find the right time to be brutally honest.

That causes a big problem because many of us are tortured by thoughts and feelings that we think may be inappropriate. When, in reality, many folks feel the same way, they just can’t share them either.

That’s why the internet is so awesome. It gives us a place to be honest and share what we wouldn’t discuss at a polite cocktail party.


A Redditor named Fastenbauer asked folks on the AskReddit forum to share something that “everybody knows” but “nobody says aloud,” and it received over 3,500 responses. Many revolved around ways life is inherently unfair and how human civilization is more precarious than we’d like to admit.

Some of the ideas the posters shared are a little dark, but that’s okay if it lets some people know they're not the only one who thinks that way.



Here are 15 things that everybody knows but nobody says out loud.

1. Sane parents are a privilege

"Having mentally sane parents is one of the most important privileges in life, yet it isn't talked about nearly as much as race, class etc."

"I don’t think that people who do have mentally sane parents know this or will ever truly understand this."

2. Friendships are fragile

"Some friendships only last as long as they're convenient or beneficial."

"Not all friendships need to be deep and permanent. I don't stay in touch with most of my friends from my former job, but that doesn't mean we weren't friends. If circumstances brought us together again, we'd probably easily continue where we left off."

3. Looks matter

"Looks do matter, and they matter a lot."

"As someone that went from a chubby neckbeard gamer type to a ripped athletic type that actually does skincare and grooming...yeah, yes it does and a lot. It is a night and day difference the way people interact with you."

"Looks determine whether you will get a job, If you can get a date or If a person in public will be nice to you or give you contempt and definitely how people perceive you."



4. Money matters

"And it does buy happiness. Yeah, there are diminishing returns after a certain amount, but more money usually means a happier individual."

"This is because money means financial security. Buying food when you're hungry. Having a home without fear. Freedom to travel an appreciable distance. Not having to worry so much about personal life changes like job loss, pregnancy, or health problems."

5. Flattery works

"Flattery will, in fact, get you everywhere."

"Yeah, you might be the most skilled person in your field, but at some point, you WILL have to play along if you want to get a better salary/position/situation."

6. Being alive is strange

"That being alive at all and conscious is just really, really weird."

"It's like when you wake up from some messed up dream and think, 'What the hell was that? Thank god I'm back in the real world,' only to then realize that you still really have no idea what's going on and never can or will know."

"Why is there anything at all? Seems more probably there would be absolutely nothing. No stuff, life, atoms, etc. everything just never having ever existed. Why is there anything at all?"



7. We all have dark thoughts

"We all have dark thoughts that we don't act on."

"Learning the name for this (intrusive thoughts) and that it's not uncommon was such a huge relief. I love the internet."

8. Emotional intelligence is underrated

"Something I’ve noticed among colleagues is that the ones with strong EI/communication are the ones that are thriving in this difficult market. The soft skills are HUGE and unfortunately only business students learn about it."

"Most people don't even know what it is, and when you tell someone they don't have it, they get angry with you because of it... showing they don't have it."

9. Adulthood doesn't exist

"We are all just kids walking around in grown-up bodies."

"I’m 50. Looking around and NOT seeing any grown-ups is terrifying"

10. Nothing really matters

"Our world is a house of cards. It’s all meaningless, but we all rely on the structure, so no one wants to knock it down."

"The idea of meaning was created by us. There is no meaning or value inherent to anything. We make things have meaning or value through our biased perception."



11. Do you really care?

"When someone asks 'How are you?' they don't actually want to hear how you are."

"The thing is, it’s not actually a question. It’s a polite, perfunctory greeting disguised as a question. And the appropriate counter-greeting is something along the lines of, 'Fine, thanks. And you?' Answering honestly isn’t being radically honest. It’s just messing up the flow of the greeting."

12. Luck is huge

"Everybody knows that success often comes from luck and timing, but we rarely admit it. We prefer to believe it's all hard work and talent."

"To credit something other than hard work is to admit that people aren't fully in control of their own circumstances, which breaks the whole 'work hard, get ahead' schtick."

13. People who get paid the least do most of the work

"Anyone working a fast food job is working way harder than most of us."

14. We're trying our best

"No one actually knows what they're doing. We're all just trying our best."

"Been working at a cellphone retailer for 2 months now and it’s amazing how many guys have been here for years and literally have no idea what buttons do when they’re pushing when doing a sale. There’s maybe one or two that actually understand what they’re doing."

15. Complaining vs. fixing

"Most people spend their time complaining about things out of their control rather than fixing things in their control."

"Also why people get annoyed when you point out solutions, because they tend not to want to focus on solutions to their problems. Only venting about them."


Popular

Real guys share the obvious romantic hints they missed and it's a must read for every man

The extremely common (and funny!) ways most guys are oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

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Men mistaking basic politeness or friendliness for flirting is a common source of frustration for women. Just ask any waitress or bartender! But it's also extremely common (and way funnier) when guys are just completely oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

There's some science behind the male inability to take a basic hint. Research shows that men's brains may have to work twice as hard as women's to interpret facial expressions. And surprisingly, men are worse at reading emotions in women than in other men. There are also key aspects of the way men are socialized that lead to us being worse at nonverbal communication in many cases.

Add it all up, and it can be tough for men and women to get on the same page at times — especially when it comes to romance.


A recent Reddit thread highlighted the problem in a hilarious way.: "What's the biggest hint you received but [were] totally clueless about?"

There were stunning levels of obliviousness on display in the comments, not to mention a deep and hilarious sense of regret permeating the entire discussion.

black haired man making face Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Here are some of the best responses.

"Girl in college grabbed my arm and told me to come to her room. I said I had some reading to do." - Shto_Delat

"Helped a girl move into her new place and assemble the bed. “We should test it out,” Me, bouncing up and down on it: “seems fine” Sorry, Caroline." - Underwritingking

"Freshman year of college I was talking to this girl who lived like an hour and a half drive away. One weekend I drove down by her to go to concert afterwards we hung out in her apartment until like 2:30 in the morning when she tells me her roommate is out of town so I can spend the night. My response “I’m good to drive” and then I drove home." - profJesusfish

Some of the stories had happy endings.

"A girl and I had fooled around in my dorm room. She decided to spend the night. I got up to sleep in my chair because I was unsure if I should stay in my bed with her. She yelled at me. 19 years and two kids later I think she likes me. But...she IS canadian". - wdh662

But, for the most part, these poor dudes never did get a second chance.

"Walking her home after a party we were talking and laughing and I made a joke about snoring and she got serious and said "you want to come find out if I snore" and I made another dumb dismissive joke like "what? No way!" Somehow ended up alone in my room that night kicking myself. I really liked her too. Never got a second chance." - DaBigadeeBolla

"Spent all night chatting with a girl at a house party in my teens. We ended up crashing in the same room.She asked me "do you want to share the bed?" It was a single bed, I said "nah, I'll take the floor" - Loki_lulamen

Some guys chalked the whiffs up to a lack of confidence.

"In high school, a girl greeted me with a kiss on the lips every morning, several days in a row. The idea that she could be interested was so unimaginable to me that it only clicked like 10 years later. Yeah, building my self-confidence has required civil engineering-level work." - Hoaxymore

Others had no rational explanation.

"Had a coworker call me at 2:30 in the morning with a flirtatious "Heeeey, were you asleep?" I said yes, and hung up because I had to be up in a few hours for work." - Shodspartan

The undisputed winning story of the thread came from a guy who blew his chance not once, but twice, in brutally painful fashion.

man in black jacket sitting on wooden dock during daytimeThis guy probably needed to do a little self-reflection after this one. Photo by Zachary Ferguson on Unsplash

The story begins after a party in high school once everyone else had left:

I asked her if she needed help cleaning. She told me she was getting a bit tired and she could do with a massage. I said “Oh ok, I’ll let you rest. Talk to you tomorrow”…. And left.

The following week, she was kind of upset with me. It took me 7 years to understand what it all meant. Some time later, 3 years later we met up again (school reunion), talked to her and confirmed what had happened.

… wait, it gets worse.

At the end of our reunion she told me “you know, it is never too late to fix mistakes”. I smiled, said “yeah, if I had a Time Machine, right?” before getting in my car, driving off to home, parked the car, opened the door and fucking got the fact that I blew up another chance. - rodrigoelp

People in the comments were mortified for the guy, who may never live this one down.

It's good that stories like this exist.

They may be playfully painful memories for the people involved, but the new model in dating, hook ups, and relationships is crystal clear about this:

Enthusiastic consent!

There's no room for gray area and assumptions.

It might be humiliating immediately after the fact, but guys who are missing seemingly-obvious hints are doing at least one thing right.