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The ‘Michelangelo Effect’ is a phenomenon that can positively strengthen all relationships
“I think in life, you want to be finding people who believe in you more than you believe in you.”
The beloved sculptor Michelangelo once said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it, and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”
Some have taken this idea and applied it to our psychological sense of self and to those around us. The idea is that when someone in our lives (a friend, family member, or romantic partner) sees our greatest potential, it can have an immeasurable impact on who we become.
It’s called the “Michelangelo Effect,” or the “Michelangelo Phenomenon.” In a clip from the Modern Wisdom podcast that has been making the rounds on social media, Chris Williamson explains the theory to his guest, Matthew McConaughey:
“The Michelangelo Effect describes a situation in a relationship, friendship, or intimate partnership where each partner sees the best in the other—and tries to help bring that out. So the sum of the parts is greater than it is individually. I think in life, you want to be finding people who believe in you more than you believe in you. That holds you to higher standards.”
McConaughey agrees
McConaughey, ever the philosopher, agrees: “I think that’s a definition of a good friend. I think that’s the definition of a good partner. A good husband. Wife. They remind us of the best of ourselves.”
One Facebook user asked a question that many were perhaps thinking: “What does Michelangelo have to do with it?” The answer came quickly: “Because, as a sculptor, he was able to see his subject inside of the marble before he sculpted.”
We sculpt one another
In a research paper co-authored by Caryl E. Rusbult, Eli J. Finkel, and Madoka Kumashiro, the authors note that those closest to us can help “sculpt” us:
“The Michelangelo model suggests that close partners sculpt one another’s selves, shaping one another’s skills and traits and promoting versus inhibiting one another’s goal pursuits. As a result of the manner in which partners perceive and behave toward one another, each person enjoys greater or lesser success at attaining his or her ideal-self goals. Affirmation of one another’s ideal-self goals yields diverse benefits, both personal and relational.”
In a piece for Psychology Today, Sara Eckel also explains the phenomenon using the example of a couple, Wendy and James, who saw the best potential in one another and were open to seeing themselves as they were seen.
“By acknowledging and accepting each other’s help, Wendy and James experienced what University of Pittsburgh psychologist Edward Orehek calls ‘mutual perceived instrumentality,’” Eckel wrote. “Orehek’s research, with Amanda Forest, indicates that when partners feel instrumental to each other, they are more satisfied with their relationship—though he admits that the word instrumental can sound off-putting.”
Romantic relationships
Essentially, it’s suggested that who we surround ourselves with can change the way we see ourselves. Eckel notes another author who explains how this can manifest in romantic relationships:
“Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, a professor at the University of Haifa and the author of The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time, says that our partner’s beliefs and behavior toward us can bring us closer to the person we would like to become—the ‘ideal self’—in a process called the Michelangelo Phenomenon.
‘Just as Michelangelo saw his process of sculpting as releasing the ideal forms hidden in the marble,’ says Ben-Ze’ev, ‘close partners sculpt one another to bring each individual nearer to the ideal self, thus bringing out the best in each other. In such relationships, we see personal growth and flourishing reflected in statements like: ‘I’m a better person when I’m with her.’”
On the Armani Talks podcast, the idea is summed up quite poetically: “The Michelangelo Phenomenon is a psychological principle that human beings are sculpted by those who we deem important.”
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Dutch grocery store add slow lane for elderly customers who want to chat
A Dutch supermarket chain created slow checkout lanes specifically for people who aren’t in a rush and want to have a conversation.
Jumbo, a Dutch supermarket chain with over 700 locations, noticed a problem. A lot of their older customers were lonely. So in the summer of 2019, they created something called a Kletskassa, which translates to “chat checkout.”
It’s exactly what it sounds like. A checkout lane specifically for people who are not in a rush and would like to have a conversation with the cashier. No pressure to scan quickly, no annoyed sighs from the person behind you. Just a place where taking your time is the whole point.
The first Kletskassa opened in Vlijmen, a town in the North Brabant province. The response was so positive that Jumbo rolled out 200 of these lanes across the country. They also added “chat corners” in their stores where people can grab a cup of coffee and talk with neighbors.
The initiative was part of the Dutch government’s “One Against Loneliness” campaign, which makes sense when you look at the numbers. Statistics Netherlands found that nearly 1 in 10 people in the country reported feeling lonely frequently. Among people 75 and older, around one-third said they feel at least somewhat lonely. And that loneliness tends to stick around, especially for seniors living independently.
Colette Cloosterman-van Eerd, the CCO of Jumbo and one of the people behind the National Coalition Against Loneliness, explained the thinking: “Many people, especially the elderly, sometimes feel lonely. As a family business and supermarket chain, we are at the heart of society.”
She added that Jumbo wants to be more than just a place where people shop. “We help our stores by means of a manual to signal loneliness among customers and to set up local initiatives. Several stores also have a chat corner where customers can grab a nice cup of coffee and chat with neighbors.”
The “Alles voor Mekaar” Foundation (which translates to “All Together”) runs the coffee corners with local volunteers. They connect lonely seniors with people who can help with things like gardening and grocery shopping, but mostly they just provide a place for people to show up and talk.
This is all happening while the grocery industry is moving in the exact opposite direction. Self-checkout lanes, automated systems, less human interaction. Jumbo looked at that trend and said no thanks, we’re going to do the thing that actually helps people.
The Ministry of Health, Welfare, and Sport has supported local coalitions in all 355 municipalities across the Netherlands to fight loneliness through home visits, hotlines, and activity directories for seniors. The chat checkouts are one piece of a much larger national effort.
It’s a pretty simple idea. Some people just want to talk while they’re buying their groceries. So you give them a place to do that.
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Why don’t actors look like normal everyday people anymore?
Jack Nicholson didn’t need to look perfect to sell tickets.
There is a grittiness that seems to be missing in today’s movies. A big reason is that actors look too perfect. Before the turn of the millennium, the screen was filled with actors whose faces had character: Walter Matthau’s nose, Jack Nicholson’s wild hairline, and Sylvester Stallone’s droopy eyes and bottom lip that pulled to the side. They looked like real people, and that made them much more relatable than today’s A-listers, such as Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, and Michael B. Jordan.
When it comes to female actors, the difference is less noticeable because women have always been held to more stringent beauty standards. But in the late ’80s, some of the biggest stars, including Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver, and Geena Davis, were all pretty, but their faces had character. Compare that to today’s actresses, such as Scarlett Johansson, Margot Robbie, and Zendaya.
Archer Green, a popular YouTuber who digs deep into why movies work, took a shot at explaining why actors look so different today in a video titled “Why Aren’t Actors Ugly Anymore?” In the video, he cites three major reasons why actors today lack the relatable physical characteristics that made pre-millennium screen legends so memorable.
1. Cosmetic surgery
“In an article from 2021, Raquel S. Benedict likens our body to an investment in which we have to maximize our value through looking good,” Green said. “We’re reduced to a collection of features like perfect skin or a strong jawline. The body is no longer the vehicle through which we experience joy and pleasure, but a status symbol that needs to be constantly presentable to the world.”
“For actors, this is taken to the extreme, especially for women. They can never age or show any imperfection. They need to be a bankable star, and a big part of this is looking good on camera. Pretty girls should always smile,” Green added.

Margot Robbie. Photo credit: Eva Rinaldi/Flickr He adds that actors these days all have perfectly straight, pearl-white teeth. He notes that earlier in his career, Tom Cruise had crooked front teeth, which made him look like a real person. Many actors today also have perfect hairlines, whereas actors such as Nicholson, Bill Murray, and Burt Reynolds had age-appropriate receding hairlines that made them look authentic.
2. Digital cinematography
“iPhone face. It’s hard to define, but I think it’s basically this kind of pristine look that most actors seem to have,” Green said. “It’s why some people look out of place in period pieces because they’ve got a modern haircut or their teeth are too wide. They’re striving for a kind of look that didn’t really exist before the 21st century.”

Ryan Gosling. Photo credit: Ralph_PH/Flickr “And this speaks to a kind of aesthetic that many modern movies have,” Green said. “They’re perfectly lit, the set perfectly designed, the actors in perfectly clean clothes, but this kind of perfection just makes it all look boring.”
3. The industry is afraid to take risks
“If you look for it, you can find interesting-looking people in modern movies,” Green said. “But this whole change in how actors and, by extension, movies in general look is a natural result of an industry that’s afraid to take risks. Movies need to make money, so they minimize anything that could theoretically make the film less successful, but in the process, remove what makes it special.”
Ultimately, Hollywood is in the storytelling business, and one of the keys to making a story work is creating characters who are relatable and have, well, character. The movie business is in the depths of a six-year slump, and the cure for getting folks back into theaters may not be fear-based perfection, but putting people on screen who resemble the folks in the seats.
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300 women bought a French chateau for $7,700 each and made it an ‘adult summer camp’ for all women
” It is a testament to female empowerment and community. ”
Wise people often advise us to put our dreams into action. It’s a nice thought, and possible, if, say, your dream is to buy a new blender. But how practical is it when our dreams involve enormous mansions in foreign countries?
Sometimes it just takes a little imagination, gumption, cooperation, and a dash of magic, which is exactly what just over 300 women happened to have when they pooled together to buy Château de Béduer and later, L’Abbaye-Château in the French countryside. They dreamt big and turned a little “what if” into an incredible reality.
It all began when Leah Lykins, her mother Philippa Girling, and Girling’s friend Lynda Coleman stumbled upon a French property online. What if, somehow, they could fix it up? The three began turning the wheels to make it happen. In a piece for Marie Claire, writer Kathryn Madden shares, ” Their vision was to create a place where women and people who identify as women could just be.”
On a TikTok posted to their Camp Chateau page, we see stunning photos of a French castle and videos of women drinking wine in luscious vineyards. The chyron reads, “POV: You bought a medieval chateau with your best friend, eldest daughter and 300 other women. And now you’ve created space for women to gather and embrace, celebrate and lift one another up. Freely. Joyfully. Wholeheartedly.”
The clip explains what the camp embodies. “Camp Chateau is not just a picturesque summer camp located in France. It is a testament to female empowerment and community. Founded by women for women, Camp Chateau celebrates the essence of what summer camp can offer – friendship, adventure, and personal growth in a supportive environment.”
The Instagram site Nurtle (@therealnurtle) added some context, sharing, “More than 300 women pooled around $2.3 million to buy a 1,000-year-old château in southern France, creating a women-only retreat known as Camp Château. The project was funded through a shared ownership model, where participants collectively contributed to the purchase and restoration.”
As for what people get if they book a stay: “The château hosts six-day, all-inclusive stays where guests can shape their own experience, from organized activities like kayaking and workshops to simply spending time on the grounds. Camp Château has since expanded beyond a single property, with plans to host thousands of participants across multiple locations in the coming years.”
The clip spawned many comments, some of which seem inspired to follow in their footsteps. “This sounds so magical and wonderful,” writes one Instagrammer. Some even offer their services: “Can I be your chef starting in September?”
The Camp Château official website explains what’s in store at their different properties. Château de Béduer, they share, “has a storied past of remarkable women and is nearly 800 years old. It has 20 acres of stunning grounds and gardens for catching a quiet moment or playing outdoors.” On the premises of the 13th-century chateau, they also include a more modern 19th-century farmhouse.
Their more recently acquired location, the L’Abbaye-Château de Camon, sits “atop one of France’s official plus beaux villages. This former Benedictine abbey-turned-château is steeped in nearly a thousand years of history.”
Traveler Victoria Goyet shared with Business Insider that attending the camp at age 75 changed her life. “When I returned and told a friend about my experience, I said attending camp made me stop, re-center, and think about my life and what I want to do. I don’t know how many years I have left, but I’m closer to the end than the beginning. Camp made it clear to me that it’s important I start making time for things I want to do.”
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Baby twins separated for the first time steal an adorable secret nighttime reunion
There’s nothing like the bond between twins.
If you’ve ever spent a significant amount of time with twins, you know that no other relationship compares. My husband has twin brothers, and one of those brothers had twin daughters (busting the twins-skip-a-generation myth), so our family is quite familiar with the twin bond.
Over and over, we’ve watched with amusement as one adult twin will move across the country for one reason or another, with the other twin eventually, but inevitably, following them. Twins redefine the word “inseparable,” which makes sense since they’ve literally been together since before they were even born.
This baby monitor video says it all
Nowhere is that bond more apparent than in a video of twin babies at the end of their first day of separation ever.
In a TikTok video shared by @thattwinmama back in 2023, we see black-and-white footage from a baby monitor showing baby twin sisters standing in adjacent cribs.
“Our twins were separated for a day for the first time in their entire lives…” the video text reads. “That night we put them down leaving them alone for the first time in over 24 hours. And pretty sure it’s safe to say they definitely missed each other.”
Watch how the baby girls cuddle and love on one another with the sweetest tenderness.
The head kiss? The back pat? Come on. It doesn’t get any cuter than that.
They still have that special bond today
And in case you were wondering, that fierce love is still going strong, as seen in these later videos from the account:
Science backs up what we already knew
There truly is nothing like the bond between twins. There have even been documented cases of twins who were separated at birth and who ended up having the same traits and making similar life choices later in life. It’s a relationship only twins themselves get to experience, but anyone who is a friend or family member of twins has to try to understand it if they truly want to know them because it’s such a unique and inseparable part of their identity.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.











