Tips for introverts on how to master small talk.
Small talk can be especially hard for introverts. While conversation may flow and come easily for extroverts, it can create a lot more anxiety and awkwardness for their counterparts.
Mastering small talk, however, is totally possible for introverts. Self-proclaimed introvert and career coach Cherrie Kwok, M.Ed., CCDP, shared her insights on four mindsets introverts can focus on when it comes to small talk.
She shared, "What I've learned is that you don't need to be an extrovert, the most social, or the most interesting person in the room, nor do you always have to have the right words to say."
Instead, these are four mindsets that will help small people master small talk.
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1. Focus on who you're talking with, not what you're talking about
According to Kwok, introverts can get caught up in where their conversation is going and whether or not it's coming off as boring. She shares a story about interacting with a next door neighbor. "He never needed anything from us or wanted to talk about something in particular, he simply wanted to chat," she explained.
Essentially, she highlights that introverts should keep in mind that "not every conversation needs to have a purpose".
Instead, Kwok adds, "What's important is that with each interaction, you're creating an opportunity to appreciate and get to know the person in front of you."
2. Small talks builds the foundation for deeper conversations and relationships down the road
For introverts, small talk may be approached as simply surface-level conversation, but Kwok says that introverts who think this way may be missing out on developing a quality relationship.
"Small talk is like the glue that builds trust, which is at the core of any meaningful relationship. It cultivates trust by creating a safe space where you can put another person at ease and signal to them that you're a friend, not foe," she explains. "When you're talking to someone for the first time, start by finding common ground. Focus on the situation you're both in, keep the questions light and avoid overly personal topics."
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3. Shift the focus away from yourself
Introverts can feel less anxious during small talk by getting out of their own heads and focusing on the person they are talking to.
"Overthinking just makes things worse. The more you focus on yourself, the more awkward you'll feel," says Kwok. "Instead, flip the script. Shift your focus away from yourself and onto the person you're talking to. Let them take center stage and direct the attention away from you. When you listen intently and focus on the other person, you are no longer caught up in your own thoughts."
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4. Don't take it personally if a conversation doesn't flow
Kwok shares a story about a small talk conversation that happened between her and a woman at her gym that received a short response.
"My initial thought was, 'Maybe I don't look friendly enough or I asked a lame question," Kwok shares.
Rather than criticize herself, though, Kwok chose to put herself in the woman's shoes. "You can't always know what someone's going through by just looking at them. So, if the small talk doesn't flow or your conversation partner seems uninterested, don't beat yourself up over it," she said.