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Mom sparks passionate debate after saying she would choose her own life over child’s during birth

Having an older child to come home to really changes your perspective.

childbirth; maternal mortality; motherhood; tiktok; newborn
Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Moms admit they'd choose their life over their child's in childbirth.

Surprise! There's a debate going around social media, specifically TikTok, about mothers who would choose to save their own lives over their baby's life if complications arose during birth. Apparently, the internet is having some big feelings, and surprisingly—or maybe not surprisingly—it's coming from other women.

Honestly, when I first saw the videos going around about this very heated debate, I didn't think much of it. But the conversation continued to grow and the judgment of moms who would choose themselves was abundant, so I decided to have a look-see. The debate started after Anabel Morales went viral on the platform for posting a video with a text overlay.


“To my husband: If I’m giving birth, and the doctor says you need to pick between me or the baby. Please save me. I don’t want Ethan to grow up without a mom, & I don’t want you to have to raise two babies alone while also grieving your wife,” Morales wrote.

Unsurprisingly, many moms agreed, myself included. The thought of leaving behind children to grieve the loss of their mother while being cared for by a father who is also grieving his wife seems unfathomable to some when there's a choice involved. But to others, the clear choice is on the other end of the spectrum because they couldn't imagine living without their child. Currently, the 6-second video has 6.6 million views and over a half million likes.

"My mom sadly passed away because it was either me or her. But no one understands how hard it was for me and my dad. Having him raise me alone and me having to grow up without a mom. So I will choose myself no matter how forced I am to choose the baby. Because I don't want the baby going through what I did. It sucks," one commenter shared.

That certainly adds another layer that I don't think many people considered when having this hypothetical but very possible debate. In America, the pregnancy mortality rate is much higher than in other developed nations, with the 2018 CDC data showing that the pregnancy mortality rate among white non-Hispanic people at 13.7 deaths per 100,000 births. The rate is significantly higher for Indigenous and Black people at 26.5 and 41.4 deaths per 100,000 births, respectively.

@anabelmoralezz

😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok

"I used to say save the baby not me. Now that I have a daughter I think so differently," another mom wrote.

"I had these feelings during my third pregnancy and felt so guilty. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way," someone else commented.

On the other side of the camp, plenty of people said they would choose their baby. While some were more respectful in their word choice than others, the sentiment was clear.

What you would do in a situation where the choice is between you and your soon-to-be Earth-side baby is completely personal. It's something discussed in hopes that the choice never has to be made, but for some families it does, and it's one of those instances where there's no right answer. The choice between grief and grief feels impossible because no matter what, everyone will hurt.

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Women working in Africa’s cocoa farms have received business education programs for 15 years. Here’s how that benefits the entire world.

All images provided by CARE & Cargill

The impact of the CARE and Cargill partnership goes beyond empowering cocoa farmers

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Cocoa, the key ingredient found in your favorite chocolate bar, has been a highly revered food product throughout human history. It’s been used for religious ceremonies in Peru, royal feasts in England and France, traded as currency for the ancient Mayans. And considering that many of us enjoy chocolate on a regular basis (mochas and candy bars, anyone?) it seems like that love is still going strong even today.

And if you are someone who looks forward to that sweet chocolate pick-me-up on a regular basis, you likely have the women of West Africa to thank.

Women like Barbara Sika Larweh, a mother of six who works as a cocoa farmer in Larwehkrom, a community located within the Sefwi Wiawso Municipality in the Western North Region of Ghana.

care, cargillMama Cash now empowers other women to gain independence

Nearly 60% of the world’s cocoa comes from both Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire, where Barbara and other mothers make up over half of the labor force. These female cocoa farmers shoulder the same physical burden as their male counterparts—all while also running households and paying for their children to go to school. And yet, they typically don’t receive equal income. Nor do they have access to the resources that could help them achieve financial independence.

Thankfully, positive changes are taking place. Barbara’s story exemplifies the impact of programs offered by CARE and Cargill, such as Village Savings and Loan Association (VSLA), which are small groups that offer low-interest loans to individuals living in poverty, helping them to build savings without going into devastating debt.

Through these initiatives, women, like Barbara, are equipped with vital knowledge like financial literacy to improve household incomes, sustainable agriculture practices that improve yields, and nutrition education to diversify their family’s diets.

“They came and trained me on the VSLA. I dedicated myself and volunteered so that I would be able to train my people, too,” Barbara explains.

Within the first year of using the programs, Barbara and the people she trained profited—earning her the nickname of “Mama Cash.”

This is no isolated event. In cocoa-growing communities supported by CARE and Cargill programming between 2019-2022, the number of households living below the national poverty line decreased by nearly 32% in Cote d’Ivoire and Ghana - as a direct result of increasing and diversifying income through using these programs.

Like Barbara, who today is an executive member of the Community Development Committee, more than 2.4 million women have used their success as entrepreneurs to transform into leaders and decision-makers within their communities. Whether it’s giving most of their earnings back to their families, reducing child labor, or exponentially increasing overall farm yields, the rippling effect is profound.

The impact of the CARE and Cargill partnership goes beyond empowering cocoa farmers. The joint initiatives have fostered progress on complex global issues related to social justice, such as gender equality, climate change, and food security. By improving access to quality nutrition, water, and hygiene, the joint programs have positively influenced the cocoa communities’ well-being.

Suddenly there’s a lot more to think about the next time you eat a candy bar.

Find out more about the important partnership between CARE and Cargill here.
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