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Mom shares touching post about how friendships change in your 30s and 40s

'Make time for the people who feel like home.'

besties, friendship, female friendship
via Unsplash

Two friends enjoying a great time.

For most people, friendships change when they reach their 30s and 40s. The carefree days of youth give way to new responsibilities such as marriage, family and career. Unfortunately, that pushes a lot of important relationships to the sidelines.

A 2012 analysis published in Psychological Bulletin found that friendship groups tend to expand until the age of 25 and then begin to contract rapidly.

Our relationships change as we get older, but that doesn’t mean they're not important. According to Psychology Today, having meaningful social relationships is one of the biggest predictors of longevity.

Amy Weatherly, 39, a parenting blogger and author of "I'll Be There (And Let's Make Friendship Bracelets)” wrote a poignant Facebook post about how friendship changes in people’s 30s and 40s and it resonated with a lot of people. It makes the point that although relationships may begin to look different and happen in new places as we get older, they are still just as valuable.

“Friendship looks a little different in your 30’s & 40s than it used to,” Weatherly writes. “Now it looks like hanging out together on the bleachers at baseball games. … Now it looks like ‘I’ll come, but only if I can wear stretchy pants.’

“Whatever you have to do, however you have to do it — make time for your friendships,” Weatherly concludes the post. “Make time for the people who feel at home, because they matter and don’t come around very often. We need them just as much now as we did back then.”

Friendship looks a little different in your 30’s & 40s than it used to.

— Now it looks like hanging out together on the bleachers at baseball games.

— Now it looks like “What kind of concealer have you been using? I need a good one.”

— Now it looks like a quick hug in the parking lot at school pickup time.

— Now it looks like “Hey, how was your mom’s surgery? I’ve been praying for you.”

— Now it looks like group texts that make you laugh out loud.

— Now it looks like “Ok, I’m coming, but I’m so tired I may fall asleep right in this glass of wine.”

— Now it looks like half-conversations at birthday parties that keep getting interrupted by screaming kiddos.

— Now it looks like “Was that really 5 years ago? Seems like yesterday.”

— Now it looks like hiding in your closet for a 3 minute conversation on the phone.

— Now it looks like “Hey, why don’t y’all grab lunch and come hang out while the baby naps?”

— Now it looks like quick little chats in the aisles at Target.

— Now it looks like “Girl, I know. I’ve been there too, and it is so hard. I’m here for you.”

— Now it looks like showing up in your rattiest sweatpants and not even flinching because you know they won’t judge you.

— Now it looks like Marco Polo messages and Snapchat pictures and tagging each other in memes on Facebook.

— Now it looks like “I dropped off a cup of coffee and a box of cookies on your front porch.”

— Now it looks like “I’ll come, but only if I can wear stretchy pants.”

— I’m coming over for coffee tomorrow and I’ll have a box of donuts. I really wanna see you. Does that work? I can even help you do laundry.

— Now it looks like “I’m not free until 2026.”

— Now it looks like “I miss you” and meaning it with your whole heart.

Whatever you have to do, however you have to do it — make time for your friendships. Make time for the people who feel like home, because they matter and they don’t come around very often. We need them just as much now as we did back then.'

Love, Amy

"It was honestly just a quick list of things that I put together, probably while I was sitting at one of my son's baseball games, realizing how much I enjoyed that time," Weatherly told Good Morning America. "Because yes, I love watching my son play baseball. But that is the only time that I had to connect with other women my age."

What’s moving about the post is how even though the circumstances surrounding friendships may change, it doesn’t mean they should be seen as less valuable. In some ways, we begin to value time together more as we get older because it’s harder to get together. When free time is at a premium, who we choose to spend it with matters even more.

A lot of people tagged their besties in the post and used it as an excuse to make plans together or remind them of how much they are loved. "Let's put something on the calendar," Kelli wrote to Michelle.

"Angelica, bring me some donuts and coffee and do my laundry," Stephanie wrote.

In the end, it’s worthwhile putting in the time to cultivate these friendships as we get older so they don’t fall by the wayside.

"I just want people to know you do have to be really intentional because that time is not going to fall into your lap," Weatherly said. "I think people, with friendship, it's like they want the tree but they don't want to actually plant the seed and that's not how it works."

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Pop Culture

Cool video shows why everyone used to wear hats and then suddenly stopped

The change started around 1960.

via Warmbru Curiosity/YouTube

When did everyone stop wearing hats?

If you see old newsreel footage of men in the office or on commuter trains from the advent of the motion picture camera to the early ‘60s, nearly everyone is wearing a hat. Hats were just as common for women in that era. For a woman to go out without a hat in the first half of the 20th century was akin to going out without clothes.

The funny thing is that everyone’s headgear is so similar in the old-timey footage that it makes previous generations look like big-time conformists. Then, in the early ‘60s, everything changed, and men and women started to go out in public with their hair exposed. Why did such a big aspect of fashion seem to change overnight?

Warmbru Curiosity investigated the question recently in a popular YouTube video. Warmbru’s channel is a lighthearted look at some of the more unusual people and events from our history and how they have influenced the world in which we live.

Why did people stop wearing hats?

Warmbru says fashion changed dramatically after World War II, when people in developed countries began to care less about expressing their social status. “This was especially true among the younger generation the rise of youth culture in the 1950s and 1960s emphasized rebellion against traditional norms, including formal dress codes,” the YouTuber says.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Another big reason for the change in fashion was technology. Cars became the preferred mode of transportation for many after World War II and indoor environments became more hospitable. “People spent far less time exposed to the elements as people increasingly moved to urban areas and started using cars,” Warmbru says. “The practicality of wearing hats diminishes. Hats can be cumbersome in cars and on public transport, improvements in heating and air conditioning reduce the need for hats to provide warmth.”

Warmbru adds that President John F. Kennedy, elected in 1960, rarely wore a hat and his decision to go bareheaded became associated with modernity. Further, in 1963, the mop-topped Beatles proudly flaunted their hatless heads as they shook them while singing, “Wooooo.” Hat-wearing among women began to decline around the same time as the restrictive and complex headgear clashed with the burgeoning women’s liberation movement.



The decline in hat purchases meant that manufacturers closed and the headgear became harder to come by. This reduced availability further contributed to the decline in hat-wearing. As fewer people wore hats, there became a greater demand for high-quality hair products and services. “Why spend a fortune at the hairdressers or the barbers just to cover the end result with a hat?” Warmbru asks.

Ultimately, there were many reasons why people stopped wearing hats. It appears that it was a combination of technology, influential people such as Kennedy and The Beatles, and the overwhelming mood of change that swept most of the Western world in the 1960s. But if one thing is true about fashion, it goes in cycles. So, it seems that hats may be ready for their big comeback.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Education

Teacher of the year explains why he's leaving district in unforgettable 3-minute speech

"I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Lee Allen

For all of our disagreements in modern American life, there are at least a few things most of us can agree on. One of those is the need for reform in public education. We don't all agree on the solutions but many of the challenges are undeniable: retaining great teachers, reducing classroom size and updating the focus of student curriculums to reflect the ever-changing needs of a globalized workforce.

And while parents, politicians and activists debate those remedies, one voice is all-too-often ignored: that of teachers themselves. This is why a short video testimony from a teacher in the Atlanta suburb of Gwinnett County went viral. After all, it's hard to deny the points made by someone who was just named teacher of the year and used the occasion to announce why he will be leaving the very school district that just honored him with that distinction.

In a video carried by Fox5 Atlanta, 2022 Gwinnett County Public Schools Teacher of the Year Lee Allen breaks down what he sees as the overriding problems in the county's school system. While his comments are specific to that of Gwinnett County, it's virtually impossible to not see the overlap across all of America and how the problems have become exponentially more challenging as students have migrated back to in-person learning.

"At the end of this year, I will be leaving Gwinnett County Schools, leaving behind the opportunity to submit for state teacher of the year, roughly $10,000 in salary, and most importantly, the students and colleagues I've built strong relationships with," Allen, a math teacher at Lawrenceville's Archer High School, says at the beginning of his remarks. "I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Normally, one might assume teacher pay is the overriding issue for educators like Allen. But he makes it clear that he is, in fact, leaving money on the table to avoid what he deems as unacceptable changes to the student body and how the district manages its teachers and the learning environment. Here are his main grievances, in order:

  • "First issue at hand is student apathy and disrespect for school rules and norms. … We have an alarming number of students that simply do not care about learning and refuse to even try."
  • "We are also experiencing incredible disrespect and refusal to follow basic school rules. There is little to no accountability or expectation for grades or behavior placed on students or parents. Rather than being asked what the student can do to improve their understanding, teachers are expected to somehow do more with less student effort."
  • Cell phone use. Teachers simply cannot compete with the billions of dollars tech companies pour into addicting people to their devices. Phones allow constant communication, often being the spark that fuels fights, drug use and other inappropriate meetups throughout the day. We need a comprehensive district plan with support behind it in order to combat this epidemic and protect the learning environment."
  • "Lastly, there is a huge disconnect between administrators and teachers. The classroom in 2022 is drastically different from just three years ago. Most administrators have not been in a classroom full-time in years or even decades. Many teachers do not feel understood, valued or trusted as professionals from administrators and the decisions that they make."

While Allen points fingers at administrators and student behavior, he also says that the pressures put on both students and teachers alike by COVID-19 had a catastrophic impact on learning. "The pandemic has acted as a catalyst and turned a slow negative trend into an exponential crisis," he says.

But he also offers some solutions, stating, "I won't list complaints without offering ideas for improvement."

  • All administrators should spend at least one week in a high needs classroom, "without a suit, without people knowing your title and in the same room, all day, for an entire week."
  • Prioritizing smaller class sizes.
  • Greater transparency from the district in terms of needs and expectations and goals.

"We all want the same thing and we cannot accomplish this without supporting one another," he says near the end of his remarks.

With more than 400,000 views already, it's clear his remarks resonated with people not just inside his school district.

There's almost nothing more important than how we educate our children. And while the national political debate centers on areas of far less importance generated to gin up controversy and campaign fundraising, it's families and local leaders who will need to do the heavy lifting of reprioritizing the fundamental principles of learning and leadership if we want an American educational system that can compete on the global stage in 2022 and beyond. After all, when literal award-winning educators like Allen are walking away, it's clear something more needs to be done.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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A stray dog saves her dying puppy’s life by bringing her to the veterinarian in Istanbul

A dog's motherly instinct and trust in humans saved a puppy's life

@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

A stray dog brought her lifeless puppy to the doorstep of a local veterinarian clinic, saving its life.

In the Beylikdüzü district in Istanbul, security camera footage showed a stray dog holding a puppy in its mouth and bringing it to the doorstep of a local veterinary clinic. The veterinarian that answered the door found the puppy lifeless and took it in while the pup’s mother followed.

The puppy received emergency treatment, as it was dying from a slow heartbeat due to the cold outside. Throughout the treatment, the mother dog stayed at her puppy’s side. Thanks to quick action and care, the puppy survived and is being cared for at the clinic alongside its mother. This puppy turned out to be related to another puppy that was brought in by other animal lovers beforehand, with the belief that it was the sole survivor of its litter.

"We thought all of them had died. It turns out there was one sibling that survived,” said veterinarian and clinic owner, Baturalp Oğhan in an interview. “When our technician noticed the situation, he brought it inside. We realized the puppy's heart was beating. We placed it in intensive care. It is currently continuing treatment with its sibling."


A veterinarian treating a puppy on a table in a clinic as a mother dog watches nearbyThe puppy's mother stayed with her child as the veterinarian administered treatment.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is unfortunate that the rest of the litter had passed, this mother dog’s actions not only saved one of her pups but had reunited her with another one.

According to World Population Review, there is a pet dog in 30% of all households globally. There are 90 million pet dogs housed in the United States alone. Bear in mind, that is counting the dogs that are housed and cared for by humans. Just imagine how many dogs are still out there like that mother dog, along with the number of dogs that sadly didn’t make it like that lucky puppy.

Two puppies eating out of a bowlThe puppy is recovering nicely alongside its sibling.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is remarkable that this mother dog, out of memory, instinct, desperation, or a combination of those traits took her puppy to the clinic, the onus cannot be on dogs themselves to receive the help and care they need. Fortunately, there are several animal shelters and clinics that can help care for these animals, but they still need to find ways to get there. Not all of them have smart dog mothers that can get them to a helpful human vet.

Puppy sleeping against a mother dogThe puppy lives thanks to its mother's quick action and trust in local veterinarians.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

If you wish to help out a stray animal, such as a dog or cat, there are some steps you can take to be prepared if the situation presents itself. The Humane Society has a bunch of quality tips, such as keeping your car with supplies like fresh water, bowls, pet food, heavy blankets,and such to keep the animal comfortable while waiting for animal control to arrive at the scene or if you choose to transport them yourself to a nearby shelter. Before you stock up, you should research to see if there are any state or local laws regarding housing lost or stray animals to make sure you’re following the legal methods.

We share a lot of space with “man’s best friend” and the least we can do is be a best friend back to them, especially when they’re in need.

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Family

Women are cheering on a mom who left her husband after he refused to clean the house for 6 days

Her video highlights a big problem women face.

via @5kids5catssomedogstoo/TikTok

Lynalice Bandy shares what her home looks like after working six 10-hour days and getting no help from her husband.

A viral TikTok video highlights an extreme version of inequality that many wives and mothers in heterosexual relationships face. However, the mom in this story hit her limit and won’t deal with it anymore. Lynalice Bandy, who goes by @5kids5catssomedogstoo on TikTok, posted a video that showed her home looking like a disaster after she worked six 10-hour days straight while her husband did nothing to help.

Her time-lapse video shows every room in the house completely trashed, with toys, food and laundry scattered everywhere. "Shampoo on the carpets in the girls' room, nail polish all over Nugget covers, hair, and carpet. Scissors were used to cut hair, the down comforter, the mattress cover, and two Nugget covers," wrote the mom.

“I’ve worked six, ten-hour days in a row with only one day off being a sick day,” she captioned the video. “I’d like to pretend I’m not the only person who cleans here, but as you can see…These rooms don’t get much attention when I’m not here.”

@5kids5catssomedogstoo

#divorce #parentingfail #messyhouse #whenwomen #depressionanxiety #clean #satifying

She says her husband’s excuse was that he was focused on doing his schoolwork and couldn’t pay attention to the kids. "Now, that school is out for a break, he doesn't have that excuse anymore," Bandy says, noting that all of his attention has been focused on “the four vehicles in our driveway that he wants to work on continuously.”

In a follow-up video, Bandy announced that she left her husband after the debacle. The original video received over 17,000 comments, many of which were from supportive women.

"You deserve much better, and he deserves to be alone. Much love to you from someone that left that life behind almost 20 yrs ago. You'll get here, too," Angela LaRoche wrote.

"Ma’am, you are nothing short of amazing! Hang in there!" Japanese with Jenny wrote.

"That home is beautiful because of YOU," Hillary added. "You put in so much work, and it is not unseen by me and so many others. But, you DO deserve better. Proud of you."

@5kids5catssomedogstoo

Sounds about right…

Even though Bandy’s experience with her husband is an extreme case of a couple whose domestic duties are way out of balance, it points to a problem that plagues many households. Even though it’s 2023 and families are becoming more equal, women still do significantly more housework than men.

A study utilizing data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics' American Time Use Survey found that women 15 years and older spend 5.7 hours daily doing housework and looking after kids and elders. Men in the same age group do an average of 3.6 hours of daily domestic work.

That’s a 37% difference in time spent on household responsibilities.

Further, women who work an average of 35 hours a week spend 4.9 hours a day on household chores and child care, while men who work the same amount spend an average of 3.8 hours.

The comments show that there are a lot of women out there who are frustrated with their husbands for not doing their fair share. Hopefully, this video will encourage more people to speak out about domestic inequality and for more men to step up and do their part.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Family

People kept telling me to watch 'Bluey.' I still was not prepared.

Some adults say it's healing their inner child, but there's something in the popular Australian kids' show for everyone.

Bluey—Official Channel/YouTube

"Bluey" is popular with all ages, despite being aimed at kids.

I have a confession to make. I'm 48 years old, my youngest child is in high school and I can't stop watching "Bluey." For the uninitiated, "Bluey" is a kids' cartoon from Australia aimed at 5 to 7-year-olds. It's been nearly a decade since my household has seen that demographic, so when people kept telling me I should watch "Bluey," my reaction was basically, "Yeah, I've already done my kiddie show time, thankyouverymuch."

Then my almost-15-year-old started watching it just to see what the fuss was about. And as I started tuning in, I saw why people love it so much. I figured it was going to be a wholesome show with some good lessons for kids, and it is. But it's also laugh-out-loud hilarious.

As I got sucked deeper and deeper down the "Bluey" hole, I also saw why so many adults say the show is healing their inner child. It doesn't just have good lessons for kids; some episodes are a masterclass in creative, engaged, positive parenting. Now I'm hooked, along with the rest of my family of 40-somethings and young adults. We even have favorite episodes that we rewatch, for goodness sake.

So what is it that makes "Bluey" such a beloved show for all ages?

The kid actors are fantastic. Seriously, so darn funny.

The children who play 6-year-old Bluey, her 4-year-old sister, Bingo, and their various cousins and friends are outstanding. Their voices are cute, but they're also top notch comedians.

One of my personal favorite bits on the show is when the kids pretend to be grannies. Here's a clip with Bluey, Bingo and their cousin, Muffin, pretending to be grannies at their neighbor's yard sale.

It gets even funnier when the "grouchy granny" encounters an actual, real-life grouchy granny who wants to buy the granny mobile and haggles with her. (We've watched this episode four times. It only gets funnier.)

The parents teach lessons through imaginative play

The clip below shows how Bandit (Bluey and Bingo's dad) creatively uses a unicorn puppet to drive home the importance of good manners and personal care habits when Bluey won't stop chewing with her mouth open.

Using characters that struggle with whatever a kid needs to learn is a great way to help drive home a lesson. And doing it with silliness and creativity makes the learning process both enjoyable and effective.

Also, the parents' love for each other shines through in the show in adorable ways.

The parents share their own learnings along the way

Bluey episodes are short—the full episode below is less than 7 minutes—and it's amazing how much they can squeeze into them. Here, Bluey's mom teaches Bluey not to compare herself to others by sharing her own comparison story from when Bluey was a baby, which also includes a lesson for the parents who may be watching as well. It also tugs right at the heartstrings at the end.

I'm just consistently amazed at how well the show executes on every level.

It's therapeutic—literally.

For folks with positive childhoods, the show is nostalgic and comforting. For those with tough childhoods, the show can feel healing. And for people who raising their own kids, it can be a resource to help them be better parents.

My colleague (and Licensed Clinical Social Worker) Jacalyn Wetzel says she recommends "Bluey" to clients who are having a hard time with parenting.

"When parents of young children mention that they're struggling with being able to emotionally regulate through their child's tantrums, outside of talking to them about ways children express unmet needs, I often recommend the cartoon 'Bluey,'" she says. "Bluey behaves very much like a typical preschooler, which sometimes means she accidentally pushes buttons or does something wrong. The way her parents interact with her in those moments are great examples of acknowledging a child's emotions and responding with kindness, understanding and age appropriate terms."

The show includes real-life parenting moments that can be hard to navigate, so she encourages parents to watch how the parents interact with Bluey and Bingo. "Parenting doesn't come with a handbook but 'Bluey' is helping those that maybe didn't have the best example of it growing up, and that's special," she says.

It's just a near-perfect show in almost every way. There's even some silly potty humor if that's your jam. (See what I mean? A little something for everyone.)

You can watch full seasons of "Bluey" on Disney + and find clips and some full episodes the "Bluey" YouTube channel.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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