Mom shares touching post about how friendships change in your 30s and 40s
'Make time for the people who feel like home.'
Two friends enjoying a great time.
For most people, friendships change when they reach their 30s and 40s. The carefree days of youth give way to new responsibilities such as marriage, family and career. Unfortunately, that pushes a lot of important relationships to the sidelines.
A 2012 analysis published in Psychological Bulletin found that friendship groups tend to expand until the age of 25 and then begin to contract rapidly.
Our relationships change as we get older, but that doesn’t mean they're not important. According to Psychology Today, having meaningful social relationships is one of the biggest predictors of longevity.
Amy Weatherly, 39, a parenting blogger and author of "I'll Be There (And Let's Make Friendship Bracelets)” wrote a poignant Facebook post about how friendship changes in people’s 30s and 40s and it resonated with a lot of people. It makes the point that although relationships may begin to look different and happen in new places as we get older, they are still just as valuable.
“Friendship looks a little different in your 30’s & 40s than it used to,” Weatherly writes. “Now it looks like hanging out together on the bleachers at baseball games. … Now it looks like ‘I’ll come, but only if I can wear stretchy pants.’
“Whatever you have to do, however you have to do it — make time for your friendships,” Weatherly concludes the post. “Make time for the people who feel at home, because they matter and don’t come around very often. We need them just as much now as we did back then.”
Friendship looks a little different in your 30’s & 40s than it used to.
— Now it looks like hanging out together on the bleachers at baseball games.
— Now it looks like “What kind of concealer have you been using? I need a good one.”
— Now it looks like a quick hug in the parking lot at school pickup time.
— Now it looks like “Hey, how was your mom’s surgery? I’ve been praying for you.”
— Now it looks like group texts that make you laugh out loud.
— Now it looks like “Ok, I’m coming, but I’m so tired I may fall asleep right in this glass of wine.”
— Now it looks like half-conversations at birthday parties that keep getting interrupted by screaming kiddos.
— Now it looks like “Was that really 5 years ago? Seems like yesterday.”
— Now it looks like hiding in your closet for a 3 minute conversation on the phone.
— Now it looks like “Hey, why don’t y’all grab lunch and come hang out while the baby naps?”
— Now it looks like quick little chats in the aisles at Target.
— Now it looks like “Girl, I know. I’ve been there too, and it is so hard. I’m here for you.”
— Now it looks like showing up in your rattiest sweatpants and not even flinching because you know they won’t judge you.
— Now it looks like Marco Polo messages and Snapchat pictures and tagging each other in memes on Facebook.
— Now it looks like “I dropped off a cup of coffee and a box of cookies on your front porch.”
— Now it looks like “I’ll come, but only if I can wear stretchy pants.”
— I’m coming over for coffee tomorrow and I’ll have a box of donuts. I really wanna see you. Does that work? I can even help you do laundry.
— Now it looks like “I’m not free until 2026.”
— Now it looks like “I miss you” and meaning it with your whole heart.
Whatever you have to do, however you have to do it — make time for your friendships. Make time for the people who feel like home, because they matter and they don’t come around very often. We need them just as much now as we did back then.'
Love, Amy
"It was honestly just a quick list of things that I put together, probably while I was sitting at one of my son's baseball games, realizing how much I enjoyed that time," Weatherly told Good Morning America. "Because yes, I love watching my son play baseball. But that is the only time that I had to connect with other women my age."
What’s moving about the post is how even though the circumstances surrounding friendships may change, it doesn’t mean they should be seen as less valuable. In some ways, we begin to value time together more as we get older because it’s harder to get together. When free time is at a premium, who we choose to spend it with matters even more.
A lot of people tagged their besties in the post and used it as an excuse to make plans together or remind them of how much they are loved. "Let's put something on the calendar," Kelli wrote to Michelle.
"Angelica, bring me some donuts and coffee and do my laundry," Stephanie wrote.
In the end, it’s worthwhile putting in the time to cultivate these friendships as we get older so they don’t fall by the wayside.
"I just want people to know you do have to be really intentional because that time is not going to fall into your lap," Weatherly said. "I think people, with friendship, it's like they want the tree but they don't want to actually plant the seed and that's not how it works."
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."