A man and a woman talking in a store.
Is there someone in your life that you see often, but your interactions are merely surface-level small talk? You either talk about the weather, what you watched on television last night, or the people you know in common? It could be a coworker you run across in the kitchen, your brother’s new girlfriend that you’ve never really connected with, or that neighbor you always see at other people’s parties that you never have much to say to.
To build a deeper bond and cut through the veneer of small talk, communications expert Vinh Giang suggests you invite them for a round of an old theater game: High, Low, Buffalo. Giang, a keynote speaker who teaches communication and presentation skills, also performs magic.
“Here's a powerful game I love to play when I want to instantly deepen my relationship with someone,” he writes on Instagram. “It's called High, Low, Buffalo, a game commonly played in the world of theatre, and it allows you to discover three topics of conversation. High is something going great, low is something challenging you're going through, and buffalo is something interesting about you."
High, Low, Buffalo questions:
1. What is something that’s going great for you right now?
2. What is a challenge you’re facing these days?
3. What’s something unique about you?
Giang says you should invite the person to the game, which may take a little courage. But anyone you work with, live near, or has just joined your family would probably never say no. He starts the game with a little script: “This might seem a little bit strange, but I really want to get to know you. I love this game called High Low Buffalo. Could I quickly play this game with you? Is that okay?”
At first, it may seem like a big ask in order to build a deeper connection. However, the game is predicated on one of the basic rules that all communications experts know: just about everyone loves to talk about themselves. Studies show that one of the easiest ways to become more likable is to ask people multiple questions and let them talk for most of the time.
The three-word trick to build rapport fast
- YouTube www.youtube.com
The High, Low, Buffalo game is also handy because it creates multiple potential conversation threads and topics for you and your conversation partner to expand on.
“The moment you do this, you build instant rapport, and then when you're in rapport, they will then ask you about your threads," Giang says in a YouTube video explaining the game. "This is the power and and if they don't ask you about your threads, then you bring your threads in."
Two women enjoying a coffee.via Canva/Photos
For those who are a little reluctant to ask their new friend or coworker to play the game, the basic questions are still great for elevating your small talk. The questions are open-ended, which allows your conversation partner to go beyond a simple yes-or-no answer and to open up and talk about themselves.
Ultimately, building your conversational skills is a great way to improve your career, social life, or romantic relationships. For those who feel they’re just not a natural at conversation, Giang's methods show that just about anyone can become a great conversationalist by learning a few simple tools and a bit about human nature.
A lighthouse overlooks the ocean in Maine. 
A woman tips her hat and says hello. 
sipping modern family GIF 
At least it wasn't Bubbles. 
You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this.