Four women holding up drinks.
Some people go to parties and make new friends with ease. They are warm and comfortable around new people and are engaging in conversation. Others tense up in social situations and aren't sure what to say or who to say it to.
What traits allow some people to breeze through a party while others get stuck overthinking every move? Is it because some folks have natural charisma or are simply more adept at conversation? Others have a hard time finding things to say and aren't sure who to approach.
Oxford University alum Dr. Josie A Peters, who posts about science on TikTok, recently shared a study showing that being likable in social situations comes down to having the right mindset. She says it starts with believing that people will like you.
@josieapeters Mindset really can make a measurable difference n! #educatoraward #science #edutok
What is the acceptance prophecy?
"The researchers were testing this thing called the acceptance prophecy, where essentially, whether you assume that people like you or not, you're right," Peters says. The researchers asked participants whether they expected others to like them before a social gathering, then showed videos of those participants to other students, asking, "Would you like to hang out with this person?"
The results? "They found that the people who had expected other people to like them were right," Peters says. "Now you may be thinking, is that not just because these people were very good at socializing and very popular, and you know they've got past evidence. No! Even if you viewed yourself as somebody who's not particularly good at socializing."
A man and woman talking at a party.via Canva/Photos
If you think you're likable, people will like you
Why is it that people can correctly predict whether they will be liked or disliked in a social situation? "If you expected it to go well, then it did because you became warmer and more friendly, your body language opened up, whereas if you anticipated that people weren't gonna like you, people became colder and more insular," Peters continued.
Therefore, entering a social situation expecting to be liked makes you more open and sociable, even for those who typically feel awkward.
"If people expect acceptance, they will behave warmly, which in turn will lead other people to accept them; if they expect rejection, they will behave coldly, which will lead to less acceptance," the researchers wrote in the study.
Men having a party conversation.via Canva/Photos
Social optimist or social pessimist?
As human beings, we all just want to be right, so we look to the world to confirm our opinions. Social optimists enter a party expecting to be liked, make new friends, and have a good time, which reinforces their expectations. On the other hand, social pessimists will enter the party assuming they will be disliked, which leads them to search for signs of rejection so they can tell the world, "I told you so."
Ultimately, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The good news? You get to choose which outcome you reinforce. Parties are a lot more fun, and so is life, when you like a lot of people and they feel the same about you. So next time you're ready to go out, tell yourself that you are a fun person and that you're going to have a great time meeting new people. Guess what? You'll probably be right.