There has long been a notion that introverts (or people who get drained easily by people or events) just want to stay home. This isn’t true! And as the holidays approach and schedules begin to fill up, there are super healthy ways to navigate the season with grace…and have fun while doing it.
In fact, with a little pre-planning and boundary-setting (which is helpful regardless of how you give and receive energy), it’s time for introverts to put their party gear on and enjoy life on their terms.
So often, many of us get stuck in a narrative. “Oh, I’m not as talkative as Jane, I guess I don’t belong.” Or “Dave really likes to do the limbo and I don’t.” But how boring would the world be if there were only “Janes” and “Daves”? The limbo line would be never-ending!
Many experts, alongside everyday people, have offered advice on how to reframe what fun looks like and help guide everyone toward a good time.
1. RETHINK YOUR NERVES
This tactic is often used by entertainers. When, say, a comedian or musician is about to step onto the stage, sometimes the butterflies can feel overwhelming. But once someone has learned to control their nerves or at least become fully aware of them, they can use those nerves to their advantage for an even better performance.
In a piece for Good Housekeeping, Lauren Laverne suggests, “Accept your nerves. Trying to stamp down anxiety makes it worse. Instead, do what everyone in showbiz does and let it be your fuel. It’s okay to feel wound up when something matters. If you can, reimagine those fizzy feelings as potential excitement and a sense of possibility.”
Polly Campbell, in an article for Psychology Today, has similar advice: “Reinterpret the signals you’re getting from your body. When I walk into a social gathering—even one with good friends—I have some anxiety. It makes me nervous. My heart beats a little faster in the base of my throat, I feel the tension in my shoulders, sometimes my palms sweat, and I become super alert. Stress? Maybe. But it’s really just my body preparing me to be successful at the event. It’s priming me to be alert and energized. Reinterpreting those physical signs as excitement and curiosity can change how we experience stress and remind us that physical changes mean our body is responding naturally.”
2. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE
It’s difficult, when our minds start spinning anxiety in a blender, not to think of the worst-case scenario. But Laverne puts it nicely when adding, “Instead of disaster scenarios, add other possibilities into the mix. Your worst case is possible but highly unlikely, as is your dream result. Infinitely more probable is that your event will land happily in the middle of the two.”
3. SET BOUNDARIES
Over on Reddit, in a thread tackling this very subject, many suggested approaching the party in terms of when you go. That way, everyone can enjoy themselves, each in their own way.
One Redditor suggests to “Go early enough that everyone’s still sober(!), then stay for one or two drinks before leaving after a couple of hours (and/or everyone starts getting too drunk to be worth socialising with anyway). You’ve done your obligation by showing up, without feeling pressure to stick around as it gets more chaotic.” That seems fair.
Similarly, this commenter says, “Only go / stay for as long as it’s enjoyable at all for you. Get some free food, try and soak in the atmosphere of Christmasy-ness. Then leave.”
4. LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS
This one can be super helpful. Sometimes we write out what the whole event will be in our heads before we even step into the shower to get ready. If you drop those expectations, you might find yourself surprised by the outcome.
Campbell wisely shares, “The things that make the festive events so much fun and memorable are the unexpected things that happen, the crazy stuff people say, the new friends you make, and the great meal you enjoy even when Grandma brings the weird Jell-O mold. When you drop the expectations about how things should be—how people should act, how the food should be, what kind of environment you want—things get easier and much more interesting.”
5. BE INQUISITIVE
If shyness, introversion, or just plain nerves make you anxious about talking to people you hardly know (or don’t know at all) flip the script. Ask them questions. Laverne puts it bluntly but clearly: “Worried about chatting to strangers? Ask questions! It sounds obvious, but everyone loves talking about themselves, and they like people who are interested. It’s the quickest way to make friends and – bonus if you’re shy – means that the spotlight is elsewhere rather than on you.”
6. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE
Campbell shares the notion that the Golden Rule always applies and that, on some level, what you put out is what you get back. She advises, “Be generous to others. Even the extroverts among us get worn out, have bad days, have a hard time connecting with strangers, or deal with difficult family members. The best way through is to be generous with all whom you encounter. This means offering to get a drink if you are going to the bar, showing interest in others, smiling, and being patient and appreciative. There isn’t much kindness that doesn’t improve.”
7. GO INTENTIONALLY
Perhaps the most important thing to remember when you’re attending an event is that it is designed to be fun. No one is actively hoping you have a bad time. So if you go in with an intention, whatever that might be, try to stick to it.
Campbell also shares, “The second you decide to attend a festive affair, commit to enjoying it. If you are going to your child’s choir concert, intend to soak up the good music and relax. Headed to your spouse’s office party? Intend to talk to one of the people you have heard so much about. Joining a family gathering, intend to experience gratitude for whatever appears in those crazy, chaotic affairs. Knowing what kind of experience you truly want to have will help you create it and make it better for those you are sharing the time with too.”
