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People are sharing their favorite quote from a comedian. Here are 20 of the best.

There are some killer one-liners in here.

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald

Comedians George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Joan Rivers

Reddit user cutecutejames posted a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?” The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.

Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.” Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.

Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.

“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

Here are 21 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared on the AskReddit forum.

1.

Jabazaba wrote:

"Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown

2.

ShofarD**kSwordFight wrote:

"Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm Macdonald

This came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

3.

NotoriousREV wrote:

“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster

4.

TheZMage wrote:

“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon

5.

Biggoofydoofus wrote:

"What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan

6.

Mysterious-Judge-333 wrote:

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg

7.

SalveBrutus wrote:

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams

8.

NecroeJoe wrote:

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart

9.

KingNewbie wrote:

“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

ElvishMystical wrote:

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan

11.

Active Oppressor wrote:

"When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor

12.

Buttflakes27 wrote:

"I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips

13.

ZorroMeansFox wrote:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

14.

Mikethereddit wrote:

"I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White

15.

Heckhammer wrote:

"I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield

16.

OneFingerIn wrote:

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin

17.

SoftwareAlert7192 wrote:

"When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock

18.

Megsy73_Idgaf

"She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers

19.

NotaDogIswear wrote:

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope

20.

Freedomdeliverus wrote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'

And we … kill those people.

'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.

And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared two years ago.

34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common
True

The Bank of America Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday, October 12th. Every runner who took on the enormous feat of 26.2 miles is truly an inspiration. We’re proud to share three outstanding stories about the power of community, giving back and crossing the finish line. Not only did they run an outstanding distance, but they each also gave back by fundraising for an organization that changes lives for the better.

Running a marathon is so much more than race day. It’s sticking to a schedule, getting enough rest, learning how to fuel your body for long distances, and—perhaps the most challenging of all—building mental resilience.



Meet Leanne: Running after 34 Bone Fractures

Leanne was only 12 years old when during her middle school cross country practice, she fractured her right tibia, the shin bone in her leg. This wasn’t Leanne’s first time breaking a bone—it was actually her 34th fracture. After many years of being overlooked as "clumsy," Leanne felt immense relief and recognition when a doctor diagnosed her with brittle bone disease, an incredibly rare condition.

Lurie Children’s provided a care plan for Leanne to build strength and start running again. And as of October 12th, Leanne ran her second Bank of America Chicago Marathon. She said in an interview, “I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am, training for my second Bank of America Chicago Marathon... all because of Lurie Children’s.”

Leanne’s impressive journey is a testament to the incredible research of Lurie Children’s, where she gives back by volunteering at the hospital and running on its behalf. Talk about being a true inspiration.


Meet Everett: Running to Inspire Through Art

Everett is an artist who creates beautiful murals around the city of Chicago. He uses his art as a tool for storytelling for community and connection.

In addition to being an artist, Everett is a runner. He ran the 2025 Bank of America Chicago Marathon on behalf of Peace Runners 773, a non-profit organization that strengthens the community of Chicago. In this video, we follow Everett on a run to visit some of his favorite murals. The run ends at Garfield Park, where Everett just finished a mural that he dedicated to the organization—symbolizing growth, strength and togetherness. Everett didn’t stop there.

While building his strength as a runner, Everett is strengthening his city of Chicago. Through his running and artwork, Everett has brought more awareness and resources to his community.

Meet Joseph: Running on Behalf of Special Olympics


Joseph ran the Chicago Marathon on behalf of Special Olympics, dedicating each mile to one of 26 friends with a developmental disability. The last 1.2 miles were extra special. It was for one of his closest friends, Matt.

In this video, Joseph runs to Matt’s house. For every mile of this training run, he tells us a heartwarming anecdote about Matt. They met at camp and soon, Matt will be a groomsman in Joseph’s wedding. The duo even sends a Christmas card every year—most notably dressing up as Buddy the Elf and sharing a bowl of spaghetti with maple syrup (spoiler: it doesn’t taste good).

As Joseph runs, he says, “Before we get to Matt, a quick note about why I’m running on behalf of Special Olympics. Matt and I love sports. And so do many of my other friends. Donations help provide year-round sports training and competition for more than 20,000 people with intellectual disabilities across Illinois.”

Joseph is the perfect example of inspiration. Not only did he run an entire marathon, but he also found inspiration in his friends who love sports as much as he does.


Leanne, Everett and Joseph are three incredible people who have shown how much strength and perseverance it takes to run a marathon. Each runner is both empowering themselves and their community. Their dedication to the Bank of America Chicago Marathon shows that the people of Chicago have a passion for the city, their neighbors and their personal achievements.

90-10 rule, happiness, life hacks, woman happy, woman angry, blonde woman

A woman is both happy and angry.

In the field of human psychology, there is a popular concept known as the illusion of control, which states that people believe they have greater control over the events in their lives than they do. If you think about it, a lot of our lives are controlled by chance, whether it's our genetics, the families we were born into, the time and place where we were born, and chance encounters that change the trajectory of our lives, such as the moment we met our spouse or someone with a job opportunity.

People who have it good are more likely to attribute their good fortunes to their effort, while those who are having difficulty getting by are more likely to blame bad luck. No matter how we delude ourselves, one thing is certain: many situations we find ourselves in throughout life are out of our control, and our real power lies in our ability to react.


Knowing how to react to situations beyond our control is the crux of the 90-10 rule.

What is the 90-10 rule?

The 90-10 rule, attributed to Stephen Covey in the bestseller “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% is decided by how you react.

People often explain the 90-10 rule by sharing a story of a mishap at breakfast.

You are having breakfast in business attire, and your young daughter spills coffee on your shirt. You reprimand her and your spouse for putting the cup of coffee too close to the table's ledge. Your daughter gets upset and misses her school bus. So you have to drive her to school, and because you’re speeding, you get a $180 ticket. You arrive at work late, and the day spirals from there. When you get home from work, you have an annoyed wife and child.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".

In an alternative universe, the coffee spills on your shirt, and you forgive your daughter. You change your shirt, your daughter makes the bus, and you get to work five minutes early. Now, instead of having a day that spiraled out of control, taking a moment to see the spilled coffee as an accident changed the entire day.

What happens when people skillfully respond to events out of their control over a long period? Their lives will be completely different than if they chose to take things out of their control personally.

Here are 3 ways to apply the 90-10 rule.

The key is not to take minor inconveniences personally.

1. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water off a duck's back. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you.

2. If someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t take it personally; who cares if you get to work 10 seconds later? There's no point in letting it ruin your day.

3. If you get to the airport and find out your flight is delayed, don’t get mad at the person working at the ticket counter. It’s beyond their control. The plane will arrive at some point, whether you get worked up or not.

airport, airplane, happy man airport, luggage, flights, A man walking through the airport.via Canva/Photos

The 90-10 rule mirrors the "Let them" theory championed by Mel Robbins, a podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer. The first thing is to acknowledge that others are imperfect and that you cannot change them. “People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. Most people haven't gone to therapy, they haven't looked at their issues, and frankly, they don't want to. Let them. Let your parents be less than what you deserved," Robbins said in a viral video. "Let your family life be something that isn't a fairy tale. Try to remind yourself that they're just doing the best they can with the resources and the life experiences they have."

Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can choose how you react to minor annoyances. Choose to respond in a skillful, thoughtful manner without taking things seriously, and you can quickly get past the minor annoyances without causing the adverse ripple effect that can ruin your entire day.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.



northern lights, aurora borealis, Sweden travel, Airbnb host, TikTok travel, viral video, skywatching, Rörbäck Sweden, winter trip, Scandinavia, Norway aurora, Iceland aurora, Alaska lights, Canada aurora, travel tips, night sky, solar storm, bucket list, stargazing, travel inspiration
@penslucero/TikTok

Pency Lucero taking in the Northern Lights

Seeing the northern lights is a common bucket list adventure for many people. After all, it ticks a lot of boxes—being a dazzling light show, rich historical experience and scientific phenomenon all rolled into one. Plus there’s the uncertainty of it all, never quite knowing if you’ll witness a vivid streak of otherworldly colors dance across the sky…or simply see an oddly colored cloud. It’s nature’s slot machine, if you will.

Traveler and content creator Pency Lucero was willing to take that gamble. After thorough research, she stumbled upon an Airbnb in Rörbäck, Sweden, with an actual picture of the northern lights shining above the cabin in the listing. With that kind of photo evidence, she felt good about her odds.


aurora borealis, Sweden travel, Airbnb host, TikTok travel, viral video, skywatching, R\u00f6rb\u00e4ck Sweden, winter trip, Scandinavia, Norway aurora Lights in the sky.Photo credit: Canva

However, as soon as she landed, snow began falling so hard that the entire sky was “barely visible,” she told Upworthy. Martin, the Airbnb host, was nonetheless determined to do everything he could to ensure his guests got to see the spectacle, even offering to wake Lucero up in the middle of the night if he saw anything.

Then one night, the knock came.

It looks better in person

In a video Lucero posted to TikTok, which now has over 12 million views, we hear Martin ushering her out to take a peek. Then we see Lucero’s face light up just before seeing the sky do the same.

“I thought it was a prank,” the onscreen text reads in the clip. “And then I see it….”

“I was mostly in awe of what this Earth is capable of,” Lucero recalled. “I never expected it to be THAT beautiful for the naked eye.” This is a hopeful sentiment against the widely accepted notion that the northern lights are often better looking in photos than they are in real life.

@pencylucero I’m on the verge of crying every time I watch this video I still cannot believe it. 📍 Rörbäck, Sweden
♬ Evergreen - Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners

As Lucero asserted in a follow-up video, “Our video doesn’t do it justice at all…I would argue it’s even better for the naked eye.”

Others were quick to back Lucero with anecdotes of their own experience. “It’s definitely possible to see it like in the pics. I saw it this winter in Norway, there was bright green, purple and so much movement.”

“They’re so much better in person, the way they dance and move around is insane and beautiful.”

Of course, if you ask Martin, who everyone agreed was the best host ever, seeing guest reactions of pure wonder and joy is even “better than the lights themselves.” But still, he can’t deny that there’s a breathtaking magic to it all. He shared with Upworthy that “Sometimes it feels like it will pull you up in the sky like you are in the middle of it. I wish everyone would have the chance to witness it.”

When it comes to tips for actually seeing the northern lights, Martin admits it still mostly comes down to being in the right place at the right time. Luckily, his Airbnb listing can help with that.

What causes the northern lights?

 Airbnb host, TikTok travel, viral video, skywatching, R\u00f6rb\u00e4ck Sweden, winter trip, Scandinavia, Norway aurora, Iceland aurora, Alaska lights, Canada aurora, travel tips, night sky, solar storm, bucket list, stargazing, travel inspiration The northern lights. Photo credit: Canva

The Northern Lights, scientifically known as Aurora Borealis, occur when charged particles from the sun collide with the atmosphere near the poles. The charged particles interact with gases such as nitrogen and oxygen to produce credible, colorful light displays that float magnificently above the night sky. The Northern Lights are most visible in high-latitude regions such as Sweden, Finland, Norway, Iceland, Alaska, and Canada.

Nature has a great way of reminding us that, beyond the distractions and distresses of modern life, there is sublime beauty waiting for the chance to capture our hearts.

This article originally appeared last year.

Popular

This 4-year-old’s hilarious reaction coming home from school is all of us

This little boy is not shy about expressing his exhaustion, and it's incredibly relatable.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber Tinker
Jude | TikTok

A little boy speaks to the camera

There's one thing you can say about little kids that's pretty consistent no matter who the kid is, and it's that they're brutally honest. Whether you have something stuck in your teeth or you've gained weight, a small child will inform you - loudly, and usually in front of others. But one preschooler's moment of honesty is going viral for how relatable it is.

An exhausted and cranky 4-year-old named Jude has had enough. The little boy had just gotten home from school when he must've been asked something before the camera started rolling because his response was a #same moment.


"Listen. No, do you hear me? I'm cranky, I'm tired, I worked hard at school," Jude says to his dad.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber Tinker Jude speaking to the cameraJude | TikTok

Jude's mom, Amber Tinker uploaded the video to TikTok where it went viral with over 14 million views and over 1.5 million likes. The tiny grumpy human was clearly not interested in whatever shenanigans his dad was up to and he let him know it.

Jude's dad, Justin Tinker was attempting to tease the boy about messing with him later but Jude was having none of it. The preschooler quickly repeated that he was cranky and tired after working hard at school. He mumbles something as he walks towards a barn when his dad stops him.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber TinkerGif of Leslie Knope saying "I'm not cranky" via Giphy


"I've already got everything fed and watered. I already got the eggs, I did your job cause I knew you was tired," Justin calls out.

Though his dad did his chores for him, Jude still didn't feel like he got his point across because later in the video he repeats how cranky and tired he is. Both of his parents explained they also worked hard today and were tired but it was obvious that Jude out tired them all. In the end he declared he was getting a bath tonight. Maybe his mom will bring him a cold Capri Sun and light some candles while he soaks in a bubble bath. Preschool must be rough these days.

Watch the whole video below:

@judemywildchild

This boy has had enough! #HeyJude #Cranky #Tired #kidsoftiktok #Funny #Viral


This article originally appeared earlier this year.