Kids

For many families, Santa is a beloved part of the holiday season…until the inevitable happens, and kids start asking questions. Because treading that fine line between preserving holiday magic and avoiding gaslighting is precarious.

One mom named Martha, aka @read_between_the_whines on TikTok, unfortunately did not strike that balance last year, and inadvertently "ruined" Christmas for her daughter. And now she’s sharing her "cautionary tale" in hopes that it will help other parents navigate those early curious years, especially with what she calls "cuspy kids" who are beginning to connect the dots.

In her video, Martha explained that she used to be someone who was determined to stay completely truthful with her children. So once the holidays rolled around and her oldest began asking pointed questions, she tried to keep things vague without directly lying.

"Last year, the whole season, my oldest was saying things to me that's making me go, 'Okay, she's questioning the validity of this. Tread lightly.' I would try not to lie," she said.

When Martha’s daughter finally did ask outright if Santa was real, she simply responded with, "A lot of people believe he is."

But on Christmas morning, after Martha’s three-year-old opened a much bigger gift, her daughter voiced concerns again, saying, "I don't think Santa came for me."

Thinking this was the perfect moment to offer a gentle explanation and give her kiddo some clarity, Martha said:

"You know how Anna and Elsa are very fun ideas to imagine? Well, similarly, Santa is an idea. He's a really, really fun magical thing to imagine. Santa did come for you. Daddy and I are Santa."

And that’s when everything went downhill. Her daughter cried, she cried, and everything was a huge emotional mess.

"Watching the innocence and magic leave your child’s body is one of the most devastating things I've ever experienced," she shared.

This left poor Martha with only one conclusion: Ride that "gray line" as long as possible, and only answer what kids are directly asking you (in this instance, it was the question of whether Santa had come for her daughter, not whether or not Santa was real).

"Because there's nothing else in life that we lie to our children about," she said. "And if this is going to bring them a little bit of magic, and then they naturally come to the conclusion that this just actually doesn't make that much sense, let them get there on their own."

The comments on her video show just how emotionally loaded this moment can be for families.

One person wrote, "I'm 34 and my mom has still never said Santa isn't real."

Another shared, "This is why we never did Santa. I don't ever want my kid to look at me and say, 'you lied to me? My whole life?'"

One added, "I got to watch both my kids hear their aunt say that he isn’t real, but our family is allowed to believe if we want to. My son was on the cusp as well, but my daughter still fully believed. Heartwrenching for me. I had to leave the house for a bit so I could cry and collect myself."

Another commenter wrote, "[My] daughter asked me to pinky promise, swear on my life, that I wasn’t Santa so I told her the truth and she bawled her eyes out, as did I. It was horrific."

On the bright side, one person shared a heartwarming moment from their own childhood: "When I was probably 6, I saw my dad assembling a Barbie Dreamhouse on Christmas Eve. I was stunned so I was telling a friend about it. Her teenage brother overheard me and said 'you’re right. You figured it out. It’s ridiculous to think Santa visits all of the kids on earth in one night. There’s no way. Santa actually sends your gifts to your parents by UPS and your parents have to put them together for you.' That made sooooo much sense and actually had a lot of explanatory power. It allowed me to continue to believe for several more years. Now as an adult I think of the kindness of a teenage boy saving Christmas for me and for his sister. That was so sweet and I know he’s probably an amazing dad now."

Every family handles this moment differently. But once that moment happens, there’s no going back. So it’s understandable that no parent looks forward to it. However, it can also be a good opportunity to teach them other ways Christmas can feel special.

And that’s exactly what Martha did. In a follow-up video, she told her daughter:

"I know that it feels very sad right now because you feel like the magic of Christmas is just completely gone, but what you don’t realize is that the magic of Christmas has just begun. The true magic of Christmas is when you get to be Santa for other people."

Suddenly, instead of anguish, Martha’s daughter felt pure excitement at the thought of getting to go Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, eating Santa's cookies, and making magic for others. Martha even went the extra mile by enlisting the extended family to help welcome her daughter into the super secret "Santa Club," making it feel more like a fun rite of passage.

If this isn’t grade-A parental pivoting, we don’t know what is.