Many people live with RSD but have no idea, this can help
RSD is a disorder that many still don't know exists, even though they may be impacted by it personally or know someone who is. The acronym stands for Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and while it's not yet formally recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, many clinicians treat clients who display the symptoms.
RSD typically impacts people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder to varying degrees. It's called a dysphoria because in involved perceived rejection which oftentimes results in extreme feelings of unease. The rejection isn't always happening but a person with RSD has a heightened sensitivity to being rejected so until they receive reassurance, they can become tearful or anxious.
During a moment of RSD someone may cry, tremble, breathe heavily or even have a full blown panic attack at the rejection or fear of rejection. The person that might have triggered the response likely never witnesses the full reaction as the initial response can look like anger or suddenly going silent. So what triggers someone's RSD? It's not always rejection in the traditional sense.
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Cherry, a mom with RSD shares a video of what it looks like when she's struggling with the disorder and things that can trigger it for her.
"This is what rejection sensitivity dysphoria (rsd) looks like: you shake, you sweat, you cry and you can't think of anything but the perceived or real rejection/judgement. This happens every time you feel judged, disliked, excluded, rejected, disagreed with or disapproved of causing an intense fear of rejection," Cherry shares via text overlay before showing how badly her hands are trembling.
Because people who live with RSD feel rejection so strongly, they can start to avoid interactions with others in an attempt to avoid rejection. To outside eyes, this may appear to be social anxiety or introversion, but in reality many crave connection with others but are afraid they may be rejected.
Avoiding interacting with other people doesn't always end at social interactions with friends, this can also impact jobs, dating or communicating with other parents if the person has children. But avoidance isn't the only response people with RSD have. They can also become overly accommodating, otherwise known as "people pleasers." In order to avoid the sting of rejection, some people with the condition will work really hard to do things that make other people happy with them even if it's to their own detriment.
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They can develop low self-esteem, an inferiority complex, perfectionism and negative self-talk. This disorder is suspected to be genetic and neurologically linked to ADHD, it can be compounded upon by a buildup of feelings of rejection from childhood. The overcorrection of behaviors that are typical of children with undiagnosed or untreated ADHD. Kids with ADHD can also experience painful rejection from their peers who deem their behaviors "weird" or "rude," like the constant need to move or excessive verbal interruptions.
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Children can internalize the constant correction from caregivers and the negative response from peers as rejection to natural parts of themselves. These small moments continue to add up over a person's lifetime which can add to symptoms of RSD as an adult. But there are a few things people can try on their own to reduce or shorten their symptoms.
1. Therapy
Individual therapy with a therapist trained in treating people with ADHD can help you develop skills to use in the moment. Don't be afraid to shop around to find he right fit for you.
2. Grounding exercises
When you're experiencing moments of RSD, your body feels very dysregulated. Try doing box breathing to help calm your nervous system. You do that by breathing in through your nose for four counts, hold for four, then out through your mouth for four counts. Repeat as often as you need in order to feel regulated.
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3. Thought stopping
Thought stopping can come in many forms, some people like to visualize a stop sign while others use a stimuli like the snapping of a rubber band on their wrist. This helps to break the negative thought pattern giving you time to utilize a coping skill.
4. Positive self-talk
The best way to combat negative-self talk is to actively shift it to positive self-talk. If your brain is saying everyone hates you, drown it out by pointing out how likable you are. It sounds and feels silly at first but it's effective.
5. Ask
If you just can't stop ruminating on if someone is upset with you or is no longer interested in being your friend, you can take a deep breath and ask. Will it be scary? Yes. Are you already holding back tears from the feeling of rejection that may or may not have occurred? If the answer is yes, asking will give you a definitive answer. Have ice cream and tissues on standby, but chances are you won't need them.
This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.
"Now your fishes will be warmed."
"To have one’s eyes lined with ham."
"To lay your head in water."
"Repetition teaches the donkey."
"I only understand train station."
"To speak directly from the liver."
"Horse horse, tiger tiger."
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An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River
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Thank goodness this story has a happy ending.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."