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Compassionate interaction between a frazzled dad and his 6-year-old son has people in tears

Empathy and emotional regulation are powerful to witness.

parenting, toddlers, emotions, self-regulation
@mollymikos/TikTok

A 6-year-old and his dad shared a moment of emotional regulation after a toddler meltdown.

Anyone who has parented a spirited "threenager" knows how hard handling toddler tantrums can be. Parents often joke about our wee ones throwing down, because laughter is sometimes the only way to cope. But in reality, it can be extremely disturbing and distressing for the entire household when a family member carries on in a way that feels—or truly is—out of control.

Major tantrums can be especially hard for parents who didn't have good parenting examples themselves. It takes superhuman patience to be the parents we want to be some days, and none of us does it perfectly all the time. When a child is screaming and crying over something irrational and nothing seems to be working to get them to stop, exhausted parents can lose their cool and respond in ways they normally wouldn't.

That's one reason a TikTok video of a father and son captured in the aftermath of an epic toddler tantrum has caught people's attention. Many of us have been in the dad's shoes before, frazzled and shaken by the relentlessness and intensity of a 3-year-old's meltdown. And many of us have been in the son's shoes as well, witnessing a younger sibling's insanity and our parents' struggle to manage the situation.

But the way this father and son support one another is bringing people to tears with its beautiful example of emotional regulation, empathy and connection.

TikTok user @mollymikos shared the video, explaining that their 3-year-old had just thrown a 2 1/2-hour tantrum (which she clarified was actually two tantrums with a 10-minute break in between). "We did not have Unicorn Chopsticks and would not go to the store (where they don’t sell unicorn chopsticks….)," she explained when someone asked what the fit was over. Sounds about right. The tyrannical threes are no joke.

So much to love in this video. First, the 6-year-old, whom Mikos describes as "empathetic" and "a deeply feeling kid," demonstrated impressive self-regulation skills. The way he started taking deep breaths and suggested that he and Dad do some deep breathing together was inspiring. Second, the dad apologized for losing it and explained that they were trying to set a better example as parents, which many parents are far too proud to do. Finally, the kiddo displayed such deep understanding and compassion, it was clear these parents have worked hard to create healthy emotional connections and open communication in their family.

@mollymikos

#selfregulation #meltdowns #threenagers #precociouschildren

Mikos tells Upworthy that she and her husband have been working hard to break the stress cycles that so often get passed down from generation to generation.

"I didn’t realize how much would be brought up by having children," she says. "We are working on repairing and changing the way we interact with our children so that they feel supported instead of shamed."

Mikos says social media has given this generation of parents access to experts, studies and revelations that can help them navigate raising kids with gentle parenting principles. She personally finds inspiration on Instagram from Dr. Becky Kennedy, Janet Lansbury, Conscious Mommy and Eli Harwood. "They’ve changed my life," she says.

People are loving the example Mikos and her husband are setting with—and for—their kids.

"This just goes to show how much of a great job your doing!!!" wrote one commenter. "Toddlers are hard and the fact your 6yo was able to empathize and communicate shows it."

"This is why you’re good parents," shared another. "Your older child can regulate his emotions and is empathetic. That’s amazing at any age and you did that."

"Not me sobbing at 2 am bc this is the healthiest parent-child relationship ever," wrote another. "Keep it up 😭😭💕 yall are doing awesome."

Mikos has been heartened by all the comments on her video. The fact that her husband apologized to their son for losing his patience was particularly moving for a lot of commenters, especially those who had parents who never did that. "Many people have said that they didn't realize parents could apologize to their children," she says. "Yes. Please apologize. They need to know we make mistakes, and that we still love them and are constantly trying to do better."

Apologizing to our kids when we're in the wrong or when we behave in a way we're not proud of demonstrates respect and teaches accountability by example. The fact that this dad is comfortable apologizing is likely a big reason why his son has the emotional tools that he does.

Gentle, compassionate parenting may not instantaneously end a tantrum, but it does pay off with big emotional and relational wins in the long run.


This article originally appeared on 11.12.22

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Family

Moms rally around woman who planned entire family vacation but was met with only complaints

"Gratitude goes a long way—especially on family vacation!"

@a.millennialmama/TikTok

Luckily, this story has a happy ending.


Even for those who love the thrill of making vacation itineraries…it’s work. And obviously when the planning has to be done for an entire family, there’s even more effort needed to be put in. Imagine going through all the rigamarole of booking flights, hotels, rental cars, restaurant reservations, entertainment venues, last minute store runs for toiletries…without getting so much as a “thank you.”

Odds are you’d be a little miffed, even if planning is your thing.

This was the scenario that a mom Alexis Scott found herself in after planning a summer vacation for her husband and two teen children. Thankfully, the now-viral TikTok post venting her frustrations inspired several folks to give her some much deserved support.

In the video, Scott began, “I'm on a family vacation right now with my two teenagers and my husband. We flew in late last night. We think we got in at like 12:15 a.m. and headed to get a rental car and then got to our Airbnb. And I am frustrated.”

Scott had tried and tried to get any input from her family about what they might want to do, and each time got the same reply: “‘Whatever you want, mom. I don't care. Okay. I don't care.’”

“Great. Glad I'm planning this vacation for everybody to not care,” Scott lamented.

Still, she did the planning—cause someone had to do it. But as soon as the vacation started, all her decisions were met with complaints. From being called “cheap” for getting too small of an SUV rental car to being told “Mom is never going to be in charge of booking the Airbnb again. She can't even this, that and the other,’” after the family found out their AirBnb was three stories with quite a few stairs.

@a.millennialmama Gratitude goes a long way - especially on family vacation! #momsoftiktok #millennialmom #millennial #familyvacation #familyvacay #sos ♬ original sound - a.millennialmama

“Then this morning, we wake up and it's an urban setting. We live in a very quiet suburban setting and my husband's saying how he barely slept and this and that. And I'm just like, enough!” she said.

All of this happened within the first 24 hours of the trip. It’s easy to see why Scott needed to vent.

Her video concluded with:

I have been the only one to put in all the effort in planning this trip. And I know there's videos on mental load, but this is prime time example of me. I'm shouldering the mental load for my entire family and everybody has something to say about it. So, yeah, I'm frustrated. Please pray for me that we can all turn our attitudes around and have a great day.”

Down in the comments, viewers could totally empathize with Scott for feeling burnt out and disappointed.

“Oh gosh the mental load of planning every detail and then knowing is something goes wrong or isn't’ perfect it’s all on you. Been there,” one person shared.

Another added, “I tell my husband that I haven’t been on vacation since I was a child and he’s alway confused bc to him, ‘we’ go on vacation every year. Only other moms would understand what I mean.”

Many suggested that she do something for herself instead.

“Just Irish goodbye one morning, go to brunch alone, hit the spa or a pool and come home after dinner,” one person wrote.

“Go and do whatever you want to do!! Spa day sounds perfect and take yourself out for fabulous meals!!” echoed another.

On a positive note: this story does have a happy ending. In a follow-up video, Scott shared how she showed her family the TikTok video she made, and it did turn things around.

@a.millennialmama Replying to @thisisntaboutme 🍉🍉🍉 absolutelt no apology video… but they listened to my feelings and we have had a good day so far ❤️🙏🏼 #momsoftiktok #grateful #teenagers #millennial #millennialmom #vacation #travel ♬ original sound - a.millennialmama


“We have actually had a really, really great day today,” she said. “Everyone has had positive attitudes. I've heard a lot of thank yous and my kids have been buying their little side purchases with their own money and not even asking me to pay for it... but they have been really self-sufficient in that space.”

All in all, Scott recognizes that her family is “human,” and a big part of being human is apologizing when a mistake is made and moving forward.

“We love each other. This was a learning experience.”

By the way, Scott's entire TikTok is dedicated to relatable mom content. You can follow along here.


This article originally appeared on 6.14.24

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Health

He went to the ER in Taiwan, then his "Horrors of Socialized Medicine" post went viral

His Facebook post ignited a firestorm.


We all know that Americans pay more for healthcare than every other country in the world. But how much more?

According an American expatriate who shared the story of his ER visit in a Taiwanese hospital, Americans are being taken to the cleaners when we go to the doctor. We live in a country that claims to be the greatest in the world, but where an emergency trip to the hospital can easily bankrupt someone.

Kevin Bozeat had that fact in mind when he fell ill while living in Taiwan and needed to go to the hospital. He didn't have insurance and he had no idea how much it was going to cost him. He shared the experience in a now-viral Facebook post he called "The Horrors of Socialized Medicine: A first hand experience."

Bozeat started vomiting one evening and couldn't stop, unable to even keep water down. "My symptoms showed no signs of abating," he wrote. "At this point I had to seek medical treatment, I knew I had to go to the hospital."

"I wanted to avoid it," he added. "I had no idea how different Taiwanese hospitals would be, whether I would be able to find an English speaking doctor, or what it would cost me (my US health insurance has lapsed and I don't qualify for Taiwanese NHI)."

Taiwan's National Health Insurance (NHI) is a single-payer system that covers all residents of Taiwan. Foreigners can take part in the system immediately upon obtaining a work permit, or after six months of living in the country. Bozeat was a student and hadn't lived there long enough to be eligible yet.

But he needn't have worried.

Bozeat's bill for his entire hospital stay was a fraction of many insured American's copays for emergency services.

And it's not like he received substandard service for what he paid.

"My Taiwanese roommate called a taxi and took me to the ER at NTU Hospital," Bozeat wrote. "I was immediately checked-in by an English speaking nurse. Within 20 minutes I was given IV fluids and anti-emetics. They took blood tests and did an ultrasound to ensure it wasn't gall stones or appendicitis. From there I was given a diagnosis: a particularly severe case of Acute Viral Gastroenteritis (aka the stomach flu). After about 3 hours on an IV, I began to feel slightly better, my nausea disappeared and my stomach began to calm down."

Bozeat was discharged with a prescription for anti-emetics and pain medication, and after a few days he was back to normal. This is when most of us would start panicking as we wait for the hospital bills to start arriving. But Bozeat was pleasantly surprised:

"The bill for the ER visit?...US $80.00. Eighty. American. Dollars. Out of pocket. Full cost. No discounts. No insurance. At one of the best hospitals in Taiwan. And if I had NHI, it would have been a fraction of that. This could have easily cost me hundreds or even thousands in the US without insurance. But here in Taiwan I was able to receive speedy, quality care comparable to what I would have gotten in a US hospital for relatively small amount of money."

And it's not like he received substandard service for what he paid.

"My Taiwanese roommate called a taxi and took me to the ER at NTU Hospital," Bozeat wrote. "I was immediately checked-in by an English speaking nurse. Within 20 minutes I was given IV fluids and anti-emetics. They took blood tests and did an ultrasound to ensure it wasn't gall stones or appendicitis. From there I was given a diagnosis: a particularly severe case of Acute Viral Gastroenteritis (aka the stomach flu). After about 3 hours on an IV, I began to feel slightly better, my nausea disappeared and my stomach began to calm down."

Bozeat was discharged with a prescription for anti-emetics and pain medication, and after a few days he was back to normal. This is when most of us would start panicking as we wait for the hospital bills to start arriving. But Bozeat was pleasantly surprised:

"The bill for the ER visit?...US $80.00. Eighty. American. Dollars. Out of pocket. Full cost. No discounts. No insurance. At one of the best hospitals in Taiwan. And if I had NHI, it would have been a fraction of that. This could have easily cost me hundreds or even thousands in the US without insurance. But here in Taiwan I was able to receive speedy, quality care comparable to what I would have gotten in a US hospital for relatively small amount of money."

I did some research, and the cost of living overall in Taiwan is about half what it is here. There is not a hospital that I know of in the U.S. where you can be admitted and discharged for anything close to $160, even for something as simple as a bee sting. (Seriously, an ER visit for a bee sting can set you back $12,000 in the U.S.)

Bozeat also pointed out that the taxes that pay for Taiwan's health system are not that high.

Responding to the common complaint that we'd have to raise taxes to pay for universal healthcare, Bozeat continued his list:

"5: Yes, taxes pay for the healthcare here. No, they are not high. Try for yourself: The formula for the NHI monthly premium contribution for a single employed adult is: [your monthly income] x 0.0469 (4.69%) x 0.3 (30%) = Your monthly out-of-pocket healthcare premium."

I did the math for a $60,000 per year income—it comes to $70.53/month. [Sigh.]

But Bozeat wasn't done:

"6: It's not perfect. Not everything is 100% covered. I had a good experience, but Im sure many people have had [non-financial] medical horror stories here.

7: This system exists because the Taiwanese government believes that healthcare is a right for all of its citizens, rather than a privilege for those who can afford it. Those aren't my words, thats what the Ministry of Health said in its English language brochure. Every Taiwanese citizen and foreign permanent resident is entitled to, and required to enroll in the National Health Insurance Program (NHI). Everyone is covered, regardless of employment status, no one is uninsured, no one ever goes bankrupt due to medical bills."

And the quality of care does not appear to be compromised in this system, either.

"I have yet to meet a Taiwanese person who wasn't satisfied with, or even outright proud of their healthcare system," Bozeat wrote. "My expat friends praise it, even those from countries with universal healthcare systems of their own. "

But Bozeat wasn't done:"6: It's not perfect. Not everything is 100% covered. I had a good experience, but Im sure many people have had [non-financial] medical horror stories here.7: This system exists because the Taiwanese government believes that healthcare is a right for all of its citizens, rather than a privilege for those who can afford it. Those aren't my words, thats what the Ministry of Health said in its English language brochure. Every Taiwanese citizen and foreign permanent resident is entitled to, and required to enroll in the National Health Insurance Program (NHI). Everyone is covered, regardless of employment status, no one is uninsured, no one ever goes bankrupt due to medical bills."
And the quality of care does not appear to be compromised in this system, either."I have yet to meet a Taiwanese person who wasn't satisfied with, or even outright proud of their healthcare system," Bozeat wrote. "My expat friends praise it, even those from countries with universal healthcare systems of their own."


This article originally appeared on 02.28.19

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Education

Mom shares how her first grader's homework on the second day of school broke his spirit

"It's breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Photo credit: Cassi Nelson/Facebook

How much homework is too much homework?

Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon.

A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader's homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4pm," she wrote. "Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. 'Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!' Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too…."

Nelson tells Upworthy that she was "shocked" that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount they were expected to do. "We didn't have homework like this when we were in these younger grades."

Expert opinion and research is somewhat mixed on the homework front, but there isn't any conclusive evidence that homework is universally beneficial for students and too much homework can actually be harmful. As a standard, the National Education Association (NEA) and the National Parent Teacher Association (NPTA) support a limit on homework of “10 minutes of homework per grade level."

With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn't have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it's not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids' time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.

As Nelson concluded, "It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:

"Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don't need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc."

"This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You're exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios."

"I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day.I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day."

"I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!"

"That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read."

"I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them."

Nelson was blown away by the response to her post, which has been shared on Facebook over 89,000 times. "I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing," she says.

Many parents shared that excessive homework is one of the reasons they decided to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was "A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!" she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.

Nelson tells Upworthy she was totally intimidated to try homeschooling. "I seriously thought there was no way," she says. "But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I'd figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it's been the easiest and best choice I've ever made."

Homeschooling is not going to the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers and schools to work out.

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Identity

57-year-old former model Paulina Porizkova had the perfect response to ageist comment online

"We have earned our beauty, we understand what it is, and we can see it so much better."

Photo by Malin K. on Unsplash

Paulina Porizkova took on a commenter who said she was in "pain" being "old and ugly."

Aging is a weird thing. From one perspective, it's something we should be grateful for. Few people would wish for the kind of short, uneventful life that would remove aging from the equation completely. The longer we live, the more we grow and learn and experience life, and "aging" is simply the mathematical sum of those experiences. All good, right?

On the other hand, our society does everything in its power to hide the fact that aging happens. Especially when it comes to women. According to Statista, the global anti-aging beauty market is estimated to be worth $58.8 billion. People will try all manner of creams, serums, masks, acids, lights, technologies and surgeries to try to prevent wrinkles, lines, sagginess, spots and other signs that our bodies are changing with time.

Most of us live our daily lives somewhere in the middle of these two realities, wanting to embrace our aging selves but also hoping to stave off some of the more obvious signs that we're getting older. It's natural to resist it in some ways, since the older we get, the closer we get to the end of our lives, which we certainly don't want to hasten—especially if we actually love living.

It can be helpful to see people who are embracing their age, which is why it can be inspiring to see someone like former supermodel Paulina Porizkova confidently sharing photos of her 57-year-old self.


In posts on social media, Porizkova shared a photo of herself in a bikini and a screenshot of a comment made by a person who felt the need to comment on her aging body. And phew, was it something. The commenter wrote:

"You must be in so much pain to keep posting bikini pictures at your age. I've always thought that getting old and ugly is hardest on the pretty people. The fall from grace is so much farther when you were beautiful. Ugly people were always ugly so getting old and ugly isn't a change. In summary, I feel your pain. I pray you can come to terms with your mortality. We all get old and ugly…you just had to fall from a greater height than the rest of us. Tears Times Infinity!"

So many things to unpack here.

Porizkova shared her thoughts on the comment on Instagram.

"Here’s a good follower comment- echoing a few others," Porizkova wrote. "A woman of 57 is 'too old' to pose in a bikini - no matter what she looks like. Because 'Old' is 'Ugly.' I get comments like these every time I post a photo of my body. This is the ageist shaming that sets my teeth on edge. Older men are distinguished, older women are ugly."

"People who believe prettiness equals beauty do not understand beauty," she continued. "Pretty is easy on the eyes, partly because it’s a little bland, inoffensive. It’s easy to take in and easy to forget. Not so beauty. Beauty can be sharp. It can wound you and leave a scar. To perceive beauty you have to be able to SEE."

"This is why I believe we get more beautiful with age," she added. "We have earned our beauty, we understand what it is, and we can see it so much better. There is no such thing as ugly and old. Only shortsighted and ignorant."

On Twitter, Porizkova was a bit more sarcastic, writing, "Thank you for feeling my pain, rickaroo777. As you can see, I’m suffering indeed."

That tongue-in-cheek response prompted others to share their aging selves in photos, sharing how their "old and ugly" phase of life is going. The thread turned into a veritable celebration of middle-to-late age, with posts about how much more comfortable people feel in their bodies as they get older and the freedom that comes along with not caring what other people think.

You suffer beautifully

There are two big ironies with the original trolling comment. Most obviously, Porizkova obviously looks freaking amazing in a bikini, so the whole "ugly" and "fall from grace" line of thought is object and off base. The second is that if you look through Porizkova's Instagram feed, she doesn't pose in bikinis very often at all. It's not like she's plastering her bikini selfies all over social media trying to make herself feel better about herself, as the commenter implies. She just…sometimes wears a bikini. Whoop dee doo.

People don't have to wear bikinis if they don't want to. But to tell strangers what they can wear crosses a line. All bodies are bikini bodies, and if the person in the body wants their body to be in a bikini, more power to them.

The "suffering" and "pain" in the posts were so funny to see.

The thread brought inspiration to those who may fall prey to the idea that people shouldn't wear certain things after a certain age or that only people with certain body sizes or shapes should wear certain things.

The hashtag #oldandugly started trending as people responded to Porizkova's call for a celebration of aging beautifully.

"Todays thread has been my absolute favorite of all time," Porizkova wrote on Twitter. "Thank you all you 'old and ugly' women (and a few men) showing the world how much we 'suffer' at in our old age. You’re all breathtaking!"

May we all age beautifully and gracefully in whatever way those words are meaningful to us, and show those who think that aging means "suffering" and "pain" due to being "old and ugly" that they have no idea what they're talking about.

(And here's an extra shout-out to Porizkova for using her beauty and her age to make an important point—not only about celebrating getting older, but also about how propaganda works. Brava.)


This article originally appeared on 05.03.22

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Education

Mother of 7 stunned to learn the ‘Alphabet Song’ has been changed to get with the times

There's a good reason for the update. But it's jarring, to say the least.

via Pixabay/Pexels and JessFamOfficial/TikTok

Jessica Skube can't believe that they changed the 'Alphabet Song.'

The oldest published version of the melody to the “Alphabet Song” was in 1761. However, because it’s the same melody as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep,” it's hard to trace it to its original composer.

The “Alphabet Song” is so deeply entrenched in American culture that it almost seems sacrilegious to change a piece of music that’s one of the first most of us ever learned. But after all these years, some educators are altering the classic melody so that there is a variation when the letters L-M-N-O-P are sung.

This change shocked popular TikTokker Jessica Skube, who documents life raising 7 children with her 2.6 million followers. Nearly 10 million people have watched her video revealing the significant change, and it’s received over 56,000 comments since first being published in late 2020.

"You guys, I have huge, huge, huge, huge, huge news,” Skube told her followers. "I have a fifth grader, a fifth grader, a fourth grader, a third grader, a third grader, a first grader, and a preschooler and I just got news that the ‘Alphabet Song’ is changing."

She then sang the updated version of the song.

@jesssfamofficial

Just to add to your 2020 🤯😱 because distance learning wasn’t enough!!! @ms_frazzled #abcsong #lmno #wtf #momsoftiktok

The big reason for the change is that people learning English, whether young kids or those who speak it as a second language, often get confused because L-M-N-O-P can sound like one letter, “elemenopee." So, the new version breaks up that part of the alphabet, making the letters easier to understand. There has been a "surge" in the number of students learning English as a second language over the past decade, so it only makes sense to alter the song to help them learn the fundamentals of the language.

It’s believed that this new version of the song was first created by a website called Dream English in 2012.


This article originally appeared on 9.27.23

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