upworthy
Mental Health

We are being lured by the siren song of cynicism. We have to choose a different route.

We are being lured by the siren song of cynicism. We have to choose a different route.
Photo by Inu Etc on Unsplash

We can't let ourselves be lured by the siren song of cynicism.

"Why do people have to suck so badly?" my teen asks me after watching a viral video of horrible human behavior.

I understand the sentiment. I really do. I've asked myself the same question many times in recent years. Why are people like this? What is wrong with people? How can people be so stupid/cruel/selfish/ignorant/etc. And every time I have to pause, reflect and recognize what I'm hearing.

It's the siren song of cynicism. That strangely alluring voice that lulls us into a negative state of complacency at best and abject nihilism at worst.

I see—and feel in myself—cynicism as a natural, reactionary response to the ugly realities of our world, but also to our current digital climate. So much of the discouse we consume is filtered through social media algorithms that reward undernuanced hot takes and keep the cycle of negative sensationalism churning. The bad stuff gets our attention, which prompts people to talk about the bad stuff, which triggers algorithms that push more of the bad stuff, which creates a feedback loop informing us that everything is terrible.


Cynicism seduces us because it's easy. It doesn't actually feel good, but it feels comfortable because it doesn't ask anything from us. Hardened cynics sometimes see themselves as the intellectually honest among us, having real insight into people and problems, but it's simply not true. Cynicism requires no deep digging, real reflection or soul searching. It's the easiest thing in the world to call the world a dumpster fire, toss up our hands and say, "Welp, everything and everyone sucks, so what's the point?"

Hope, on the other hand, is hard. It requires going beyond our impulsive reactions to headlines and soundbites and to enage with humanity holistically. Far from being some kind of unthinking, Pollyanna-ish, head-in-the-sand idealism, I see hope as the natural outcome of truly diving into the reality of human existence.

But how do we get there? How do we ignore the pull of cynicism and navigate toward hope instead?

First, we can look to the past to see how far we have actually come.

I was watching the Olympics the other night and marveling at what human beings have figured out how to do. We started off rubbing sticks together to make fire. Now we have people who can artistically dance around on ice, spin multiple times through the air with the utmost perfection and precision, and land on one foot on a 1/8-inch blade. Not only that, but they do it to beautiful music that humans have composed, with musical instruments humans created, recorded on technological equipment that humans invented.

Not only was I watching this marvel happen, but I was doing so all the way on the other side of the planet, in the comfort of my home, where hot air blows out of the walls, clean water pours out of the refrigerator that keeps our food cold and lights turn on and off with the flick of a finger.

And that's just the basic, everyday life stuff we've figured out. Thinking of all of the ways humans continue to advance and progress is mind-boggling.

Sure, we still separate ourselves into artificial groups and fight over stupid things, but we also have created global organizations that collaborate to do incredible work to solve problems. Yes, our advancements have caused an imbalance in our relationship to the planet, but we also have developed the science to understand and begin to mitigate those impacts. Indeed, people can still be bafflingly ignorant or closed-minded, but we have access to everything that humans have ever learned available at our fingertips. That's incredible.

Our material progress may have outpaced our collective spiritual progress, and our political will to enact workable solutions might be a mess, but there's no reason to believe we won't figure those things out too. Look at all that we've been through and what we've accomplished. We are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for, in all areas.

Second, we can choose the filters with which we view the present.

When we look at the challenges we face and the difficulties in meeting those challenges, do we see a sign that humans are inept or a sign that we're trying to figure things out? Learning and problem-solving are messy, nonlinear processes. Sometimes progress is two steps forward, one step back. Growth involves growing pains, especially when we're actually growing the fastest. Building something new often requires tearing down something old first, and destruction feels like destruction even when it's necessary.

There's also the simple truth that we find what we look for. If we look for what is bad, wrong and unjust in the world, we'll find it. That stuff is there, no question. And some of it definitely needs our attention; ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. But focusing on the negative all the time is a choice—one that doesn't serve anyone well.

I could easily spend an entire day finding examples of how people are awful, how it seems like we're going backward in some ways, how society is totally messed up and how the future is doomed. (Just spend the day on Twitter. It's all there.) If my goal were to justify a cynical outlook on humanity, I could easily do so.

But I could also spend an entire day finding examples of how humans are amazing, how people come together to help one another, how organizations are solving problems and providing for people's needs, how progress is being made in all fields of human endeavor. If my goal were to justify a hopeful vision for humanity, I could easily do that as well.

Each of those scenarios is a choice. Which day seems like it would lead to a better outcome, either for me personally or for the world at large?

The negative, cynical stuff is constantly in our faces because of how media and social media work, but the positive, constructive stuff is all around us. We need to balance positivity with addressing real problems, but when we put more focus and energy into supporting and amplifying the things we want to see than the things we don't, we steer our ship toward hope.

Finally, we can remember that the future is still unwritten.

One of the hallmarks of cynicism is the sense that nothing changes, that we're going to be stuck in the same stupidity of our own making forever. But none of us has a crystal ball. We don't know what the future holds and how humanity will change through the inevitable ups and downs on the horizon. We couldn't have predicted we'd be here now three years ago, and we don't know what things will look like three years from now.

We can choose to envision a dystopian future—there are plenty of books and movies we can use for inspiration if that's what we want to do. Or we can choose to envision something better or greater than what we have now. Neither is guaranteed in any way, so we do have a choice in the matter.

Any psychologist will tell you that visualization can be a powerful and transformative tool. Just as we see what we look for in the present, we are more likely to create what we envision for the future. That's not to say that we can control everything, but we can decide what direction we try to encourage humanity to go with our lives. When we look forward to a future in which humanity and our planetary home thrive and flourish, we're much more likely to seek out ways to move us in that direction.

Hope is a choice we make daily, in our thoughts and in our actions. Cynicism can sing to us all it wants, but we will hold the wheel steady, look for the light on the horizon and steer that direction instead.

Pets

The most inspiring pet stories of 2024

Leading pet brand Nulo knows every cat and dog has the power to be incredible.

Incredible pets deserve incredible food.

2024 was a year filled with heartwarming stories that reminded us of the incredible bond between humans and their furry companions. From acts of bravery to heartwarming gestures, these pets made a huge impact on the lives of their owners… and the lives of many, many more.

It’s stories like these that continue to inspire leading pet nutrition brand Nulo, which is committed to helping pets live their best lives with functional, delicious and nutritious food. Through their innovative and intentional formulas, Nulo fuels incredible cats and dogs just like the ones below each and every day.

Enjoy some stories below of 2024’s goodest boys and girls — courageous dogs, trauma-informed kitties and much, much more —that really show the unwavering love and loyalty animals bring into our lives. Their inspiring actions fuel incredible.

assets.rebelmouse.io

When a 71-year-old man went unconscious and collapsed during a steep hike, his golden retriever and a black labrador instinctively broke up into a rescue team — the smart and resourceful labrador going off to look for help, and the loyal goldie staying by its owner's side. Sometimes it’s smart to have two of “man’s best friends.”

assets.rebelmouse.io

Marley, a seven-year-old, black and white feline known for his "incredible gift of empathy” won Cat Protection's National Cat of the Year 2024 for the way he comforts women who have been enslaved, exploited and trafficked and staying at the Caritas Bakhita Safe House in London. He’s known to often leave a reassuring paw on guests’ legs to “let them know they’re not alone,” a gesture often called “the first kindness they’ve experienced in years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In early 2024, Kobe, a four-year-old husky with an extraordinary sense of smell, began digging obsessively in the yard. At first the pooch’s owner, Chanell Bell, thought this was just typical behavior, but soon discovered that Kobe had indeed detected a dangerously large cloud of natural gas that would have not only been seriously life-threatening to her, but the entire neighborhood. It’s like they say, “the nose knows.”

Eight-year-old golden retriever Roger, may have failed his drug-sniffing training in Taiwan, but it turns out he has a knack for rescue operations during natural disasters. After a 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck, Roger dug through the rubble of a collapsed building to locate the body of one of the 13 people killed in the quake, offering closure to a grieving family. This earned him the nickname of “the pride of Taiwan” on social media.

Dogs don’t only save humans — sometimes they rescue other animals as well.

When folks scrolling through the X account called “Animals Dying” saw a video of a creature swimming through murky water with a deer fawn in its jaws, they probably assumed it was an alligator enjoying its latest meal. But to everyone’s surprise and delight, it was actually a Labrador Retriever making sure the sweet little fawn didn’t drown.

Once a stray, 12-year-old Cilla found her home at Outwoods Primary School in Warwickshire, England, where she calms anxious students, inspires a community of cat lovers on X, and has even used her social media celebrity to help raise £5,000 to restock the school library — a place she loves to lounge in.

scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

In July, Bloodhound puppy and K-9 unit member Remi used his powerful nose to help an autistic and non-verbal boy who had gotten lost find his way back home. Deputy B. Belk, Remi’s partner, used a piece of sterile gauze to collect the scent from the boy’s forearms and the back of his neck and had Remi “reverse” track backwards for about half a mile to locate the child’s home in a nearby neighborhood.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

When a beautiful pooch named Gita saw her 84-year-old owner fall and hurt his leg, she ran down to the main road, and refused to move until someone stopped to help. Eventually she was seen by a man named Deputy Wright, who tried to get Gita into his patrol car, but the dog wouldn’t budge. When Gita did finally bolt off, Wright followed her down to where the man had been stranded, and was able to help him. Without her protection, who knows if the man would have been found in time? “The loyalty and heroism of our furry friends never cease to amaze us,” Wright would end up writing on Facebook.

If there’s an incredible furry friend in your own life, nothing says “thank you” quite like a nourishing meal. Check out Nulo for a variety of recipes sure to be loved by your beloved pet.

Health

Doctor breaks down how to recognize ADHD in adults. The symptoms may be surprising.

"75% of adults with anxiety actually have ADHD as the cause of their anxiety."

Doctor breaks down how to recognize ADHD in adults

If it seems that everyone is being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), there may be a reason and it's likely not the reason people think. Diagnostic criteria were initially based off of how ADHD presented in white children who were mostly male, so if you fell outside of that box your diagnosis was often overlooked. This is especially true in girls who then turned into undiagnosed or misdiagnosed women.

But it's not just women who were undiagnosed since the criteria mostly included ways in which hyperactivity showed up—you know, the "H" in ADHD. But not everyone with ADHD presents with the stereotypical hyperactivity bit. Dr. Heather Brannon breaks down ways in which ADHD is missed and how to identify it in adults.

In the first few minutes of the video, Brannon drops a statistic that feels mind-boggling: "75% of adults with anxiety actually have ADHD as the cause of their anxiety." Even though I fit into that category, consider my mind completely boggled because I thought I was a rarity and my psychiatrist was a magician. Turns out, he was probably just up to date on his continuing education credits.

Brannon talks about how people who may express feelings of overwhelm, anxiousness, and tiredness and who are easily frustrated may actually have undiagnosed ADHD.

It's pretty easy to overlook ADHD that presents with more of the attention deficit part of the diagnosis than the hyperactivity part. When someone is having difficulty sitting still, talking so fast that you can barely keep up and is constantly on the go, it's pretty easy to pinpoint there may be an issue.

But when the person is quiet, sits still but misses large chunks of conversations or is chronically forgetful and sleepy, it's much easier to miss the signs, according to Brannon.

Brannon says many people feel bad about themselves without knowing why, so having an answer for why you're feeling this way can be helpful.

The video is really fascinating and may help others recognize signs within themselves or with loved ones.

Give it a gander below:

This article originally appeared last year.

Internet

TikTok 'no-buy quarter' trend is inspiring some brilliant ideas to save money in 2025

Viral 'no-buy quarter' hacks show how to avoid spending money for months at a time

Photo by Nina Uhlikova

Going outside is free, and in April your wallet will feel the gains.

As we move into the middle of December and hopefully start winding down the annual holiday spend-a-palooza, many are already looking ahead to their 2025 savings goals. In the spirit of Movember or Dry January — those feel-good challenges that mix self-improvement with a bit of group accountability — TikTok has given us a viral phenomenon: the “no-buy quarter.”

But, as the name implies, this time the challenge goes beyond a single month. Participants commit to three months of reduced spending, with some hardcore enthusiasts even extending it for a whole year! If you went a little too hard on spending during the holiday season, think of this as the perfect detox for your battered finances.

What is a no-buy quarter?

At its core, the no-buy quarter isn't about cutting out essential purchases. Groceries, medical expenses, and other necessities remain untouched. Instead, the goal is to reduce or eliminate non-essential spending. Think fewer splurges on coffee, takeout, home decor, or trendy gadgets.

@MckenzieMack

For TikTok creator @stephen_spann, a no-buy plan begins with making the most of what you already have. “Use up the food we already have before buying more,” Spann advises, noting the often-forgotten freezer items many households accumulate. He also emphasizes tackling beauty and health products stockpiled in bathroom cabinets before succumbing to the allure of the latest trends.

"If I see something new in the store, I get sucked into that... I need to use up what I already have first."

— @stephen_spann

Save with intention

For TikTok creator Mckenzie Mack, the no-buy quarter is a powerful tool for meeting ambitious financial goals. Mack plans to use the first three months of the year to frontload contributions to her 401(k).

@MckenzieMack

Her method? Increasing contributions to 26% during January through March to take advantage of a large bonus and reduce her contribution rate to 6-7% for the rest of the year.

“To max out your 401(k) in 2025, you need to contribute $23,500,” Mack explains. “By committing to a no-buy quarter, I’m ensuring a large chunk of my bonus goes directly toward my 401k.”

"This is a use-it-or-lose-it situation... I’m leaving a little extra in my fun money bucket, but once it’s gone, it’s gone."

— @MckenzieMack

Break free from spending cycles

Both Mack and Spann point out the emotional and behavioral shifts that come with embracing a no-buy lifestyle. Mack recommends cutting down on streaming services and finding joy in low-cost hobbies like hiking or game nights.

@stephen_spann

Spann, on the other hand, calls attention to the subtle temptations of shopping apps and notifications. “Remove shopping apps from your phone,” he says. “They’re just tempting me.”

"Just because I can get it on sale doesn’t mean I should buy it."

— @stephen_spann

Both creators agree that breaking the consumerist cycle is about appreciating what you already own. By doing so, they say, you save money and cultivate contentment.

How to start your own no-buy quarter

If the idea of a no-buy quarter appeals to you, here are some steps to get started:

  • Identify your essentials: Separate necessary expenses (groceries, rent) from discretionary ones.
  • Set clear rules: Decide what’s off-limits — dining out, clothing purchases, or subscription services.
  • Create a goal: Link your savings to something tangible, like paying down debt or increasing your emergency fund.
  • Track progress: Monitor your spending and celebrate milestones, no matter how small.
  • Find support: Share your plan on social media or with friends. Accountability can help you stay motivated.
  • Choose a cheat: Research shows that making a new routine too difficult is a recipe for bailing on it. Choose one spend to keep you sane.

From clearing out freezers and unsubscribing from services to making coffee at home, the no-buy quarter trend is more than a fleeting challenge. It’s a chance to rethink your relationship with money and discover the joys of intentional living.

Whether you take it on for three months or use it as a launchpad for a year of mindful spending, it could be the reset you need to make 2025 your best financial year yet.

Two people having a conversation at a party.

Many people, especially those who are introverted and shy, are uncomfortable making small talk with someone new, whether they’re at a party, work event, or just standing in line at the grocery store. However, a Harvard study revealed a simple 3-step trick to make you more likable and conversations more comfortable.

The researchers found that when approaching someone you have never met, asking a question and then 2 follow-up questions dramatically increases your likeability. The study was conducted by Harvard researchers and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

How do I make new people like me?

The study should be a big relief to shy people and introverts who are not interested in trying to impress people by going on and on about themselves.

According to the research, when you meet someone new at a party, the important thing is to approach them like it’s an interview, and you are the journalist. You just need one strong opening question and then you can follow up 2 times by asking them to clarify what they meant or expand on something they said.

via Nicole Michalou/Pexels

“Think to yourself, I need to ask at least five questions in this conversation, or I need to ask questions in this conversation, listen to the answers, and ask follow-up questions. It’s easy to do, and — even better — requires almost no preparation,” Alison Wood Brooks, assistant professor and Hellman Faculty Fellow at Harvard Business School and a co-author of the study, said, according to Forbes.

People like those who ask follow-up questions not only because they enjoy talking about themselves. It also shows that their conversation partner is actively listening. They are paying attention, not looking over your shoulder at someone else. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

The findings counter the strategy many use when meeting someone for the first time, whether on a blind date or at a networking event. For many, the first step is to try and impress the new person, but research shows that’s not the case.

conversation, introverts, harvardTwo people talking at a party.via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

“The tendency to focus on the self when trying to impress others is misguided,” the study’s authors wrote, adding that “redirecting the topic of conversation to oneself, bragging, boasting or dominating the conversation, tend to decrease liking.”

It’s a pretty simple concept: people like talking about themselves and if you allow them, they’ll like you more. “Compared to those who do not ask many questions, people who do are better liked and learn more information from their conversation partners,” Brooks said. “This strategy does both. It’s an easy-to-deploy strategy anyone can use to not only be perceived as more emotionally intelligent but to actually be more emotionally intelligent as well.”

One of the studies cited by the authors focused on online dating and found that asking follow-up questions meant a greater chance of getting a second date. The researchers found that the top third of question-askers got the most second dates. When researchers looked at face-to-face speed daters, where they met 20 people at a time, they found that asking one more question on each date would help someone succeed in getting a “yes I want to see you again” on one more date.

The 3-question rule has some caveats. You should make sure you're having a conversation, not an interrogation. “Asking a barrage of questions without disclosing information about yourself may come across as guarded, or worse, invasive,” Brooks says.

party, conversastion tips, harvardSome folks having fun at a party.via Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels

How much should I talk in a conversation?

While it’s important to ask questions when you meet someone new, you can’t let them do all the talking. Research shows that the perfect conversation ratio is 43:57. You do 43% of the talking and 57% of the listening. The goal is to make your conversation partner and new friend think, “Wow, that person really gets me” by the time the conversation ends.

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, you can feel a bit more relaxed knowing there is a scientifically proven way to ensure that people will find you likable and a good conversationalist. Remember the three-question rule: Open with a question and then ask 2 follow-ups.


This article originally appeared in September.

A Christmas song parody for the women of Gen X.

Most of us grow up hearing enough about menopause to understand the very basics of it. Periods stop. Hot flashes happen. Hormones are involved. For most of us, that's about the extent of what we ever learn about what happens during that transitional period of a woman's life. The details of what exactly menopause entails go largely unspoken and unacknowledged, leaving women in their 40s unprepared for years of wondering what the heck is happening to their bodies and minds as they careen toward their 50s.

Perimenopause, the period of time preceding actual menopause, is when all the fun starts. A random sprinkling of symptoms you had no idea were coming suddenly show up, throwing your whole world into disarray—and the chaos lasts for years. Women going through it know that if you don't laugh about it, you'll cry. So, thankfully the chaos has been accurately and hilariously captured by Penn and Kim Holderness in a parody Christmas song medley.

With parodies of "Here Comes Santa Claus," "Sleigh Ride," "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town," "Little Drummer Boy," and "O Christmas Tree," the Holdernesses tackle the forgetfulness, sleeplessness, moodiness, hair thinning, doctor gaslighting and more that comes with perimenopause.

Merry Perimenopause 🎅🏼

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶

Watch:

@theholdernessfamily

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶 #perimenopause #christmas

As they so often do, the Holdernesses hit the nail on the head with this parody, and it has Gen X women everywhere cheering.

"The new Gen X female anthem."

"As someone that works in an OBGYN office, I have officially requested this to be added to the waiting room playlist 😂"

"I nearly dropped my coffee-😂-he’s gaslighting you! Love it🤣 I’m rolling!"

"Omg love this! One thing you didn’t mention, the weight gain that comes out of nowhere and will not come off!!!"

"I’m impressed that no one was hurt in the recording of this video. 🤣🤣🤣"

"I have never felt more seen. 💜"

"This is an excellent contribution to society in all the ways 👏👏👏"

"I am so grateful to be going through this hell in a time where we are free to talk/sing about it!'

And there's the one upside to going through perimenopause in the 2020s—people are finally actually talking about it openly, honestly and publicly. Sure, women have always shared their experiences with one another in private conversations, but when you don't have a large enough sampling, it's hard to know what to expect. Doctors are often no help, either dismissing or diminishing your symptoms, telling you they are some version of "normal" or just giving an unhelpful, "Huh, that's weird" and leaving it at that.

To be fair, the symptoms that can come along with perimenopause are vast and varied. We expect the hot flashes and the moodiness, perhaps, but there are super off-the-wall things like dry eyes and ears, shoulder pain, itching all over that no one would logically associate with menopause. So it's understandable that doctors might not know what to do with all the perimenopausal possibilities. And since estrogen levels fluctuate unevenly during perimenopause, it's not always as simple as "get your hormones checked." Some women have a clear hormonal drop and find hormone replacement therapy a lifesaver. Some women experience all kinds of perimenopausal symptoms while never having an abnormal hormone test. A lot of perimenopausal management feels like shooting in the dark.

But hey, at least we have more information than our mothers and grandmothers did and a culture where we can make fun of our mid-life woes with parody videos like this one.

You can follow The Holderness Family on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.


A woman looking towards the future.

Often, our biggest mistakes come when we make decisions based on how we feel in the present instead of thoroughly considering their effect on the future. The amount of money we save, the food we eat, the relationships we choose to nurture and our career decisions will all have a significant effect on our futures. The problem is that connecting with someone so distant can be challenging. The good news is that some prominent researchers have figured out how we can connect with our older selves to improve our happiness in the present and the future.

Hal Hershfeld, a marketing, behavioral decision-making, and psychology professor at UCLA's Anderson School of Management, found that when we think about our future selves, our brains light up like we are thinking about a stranger. That’s a problem because most people are more apt to look out for themselves than strangers. According to Hershefeld, uncertainty is the big reason we can’t relate to our future selves because the future looks blurry. We don't know where we'll be, how we'll look, what we'll be doing, or what the state of the world will be.

visualization, happiness, hal hershfeldA woman thinking about the future.via Canva/Photos

How to be happy in the future

So, the key is to start building a relationship with our future self by creating a vivid image in our minds and hearts about what our lives will be like in 20 years. When we connect with that person, we’ll be much more likely to treat them well by saving a little more, hitting the gym more often and fixing today’s problems before they worsen.

Yale professor Laurie Santos, teacher of its most popular class, the Good Life, took a page from Hershfeld's research and regularly talks to her future self.

How to connect to your future self

“We’re navigating what our future self might want in the present moment, but we often perspective-take on our future self quite poorly,” Santos told Fast Company. “Hal’s research has found that just seeing a picture of your future self can bring [the idea] more into view. It helps with that process of trying to figure out what [the future you] would really want.”

“It’s profound,” she continues. “I really recommend people try it out. You see an image of yourself as much older and it’s like: I don’t want her to be unhealthy or have diabetes. I don’t want her knees to be screwed up. It really did change the amount that I worked out and how I was eating. It made it easier to make choices that would help my future self, rather than screw her over.”

visualization, happiness, hal hershfeldA woman on the couch thnking about the future.via Canva/Photos

Why you should talk to your future self

Hershfeld also believes in having regular conversations with your future self. “Make that more a part of your life so that when you’re making big decisions that are going to have impacts and consequences later on, you are thinking about that push and pull between your present and future selves,” he told UCLA Newsroom.

The professor also recommends that people write a letter to — and then from — their future self. This will help you visualize the future more vividly. “I also talk about trying to figure out what parts of your life are going off course, then creating pre-commitments to a certain course of action,” he continues.

Ultimately, it’s hard to plan for a future or have strong feelings about its direction if we don’t have a clear idea or image of what it'll look like. Our lives are our greatest endeavor, and in the same way someone might visualize an art project or what a thriving business looks like, we can do the same with our lives. The clearer the picture we have of our future today, the greater the chance we will one day get to live it.