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Chicago's police missed the mark with their safety tips. Here's what they could have done.

Crawling back from a generation of corruption needs to be handled with care.

On Aug. 7, 2015, the Chicago Police Department offered some "tips" on how to stay safe in any neighborhood.

On Twitter, the department shared a list of 14 suggestions for people to follow. While it's framed as general "how to stay safe" advice, when you start reading the list, it seems — weirdly — more like a guide on how to stay safe from the police.

Image from Chicago Police Department/Twitter.

Some Twitter users took the department to task for the list, accusing the department of blaming victims of police brutality.

Some pointed out that this list comes off a bit like the types of victim-blaming tips you see advising women on how not to get raped.

  • "Be smart about with whom, when, and where you hang out?"
  • "Avoid playing the music loudly?"
  • "Confrontation leads to confrontation?"

Photo by Joshua Lott/Getty Images.

Isn't it supposed to be the police's job to de-escalate situations? Maybe the police should spend put together "tips" for how officers can avoid shooting unarmed people?

And Twitter user @NovaTess made a few "edits" to the list of tips:

  1. Cops, remember that your actions and attitude can impact the situation positively or negatively.
  2. Remember that every person, and every black man in particular, is not a criminal.
  3. Be smart — don't lie. For whom, when, and where is irrelevant.
  4. Do not shoot when dealing with unarmed people.
  5. Cops, do not curse or raise your voices — stay calm. Remember — confrontation leads to confrontations ... especially when you whip out your guns.
  6. Keep your hands off your gun unless confronted with deadly imminent force.
  7. If you pull someone over, don't shoot them because they don't have a license.
  8. Before shooting someone, ask if they have any illegal weapons that they plan on shooting you with in the next few seconds. If they don't, don't shoot.

Of the 10 largest cities in the country, Chicago has had more police-involved shootings than any other.

A report by the Better Government Association uncovered some concerning pieces of data. For example, nearly 60% of all shootings occurred in the police districts located in Calumet, Deering, Englewood, Grand Crossing, Gresham, and Morgan Park. For areas that account for just a small fraction of the city's population, 41 people have been killed by police in the past five years.


Data source: Better Government Association. BGA notes that New York did not provide 2014 data.

The Chicago Police Department has a gruesome past when it comes to excessive force, brutality, and shootings.

Between 1972 and 1991 under former detective Jon Burge's command, more than 100 suspects were tortured into providing coerced confessions. Burge's crimes are often credited for being what led Illinois to put an end to the state death penalty, after former Gov. George Ryan emptied death row and pardoned four of Burge's torture victims in 2003.

In April 2015, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced that the city would be creating a $5.5 million reparations fund for Burge's living survivors.

In February 2015, The Guardian ran a report about a "black site" located in a warehouse at Homan Square. The paper describes it as "an off-the-books interrogation compound, rendering Americans unable to be found by family or attorneys while locked inside what lawyers say is the domestic equivalent of a CIA black site."

The Homan Square "black site." Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

And cover-ups within oversight departments don't particularly help matters.

The Independent Police Review Authority, the group that the Chicago Police Department's "tips" advise the public take their complaints to, has investigated hundreds of police shootings since 2007 (this figure includes non-fatal shootings), with only a few found as "not justified" and just one where they recommended an officer be fired for a shooting.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

In July 2015, IPRA Supervising Investigator Lorenzo Davis was fired from the department after he refused to clear six officers he found had been involved in unjustified shootings. Despite the fact that Davis had been working with the police department for more than two decades, he received a performance evaluation that said he "displays a complete lack of objectivity combined with a clear bias against the police."

Instead of offering "tips" on how not to become a victim of police brutality, perhaps the Chicago PD should follow the lead of Austin, Texas.

While Chicago's police have a document outlining the "rights" of anyone stopped by police ("You will be treated with dignity and respect," forbidding of racial profiling or physical violence, and so on), they could do a lot of good by instead putting together a comprehensive list of expectations their officers should be held to. A great example is the easily accessible document used by the Austin, Texas, police force.

Austin's Law Enforcement Code of Ethics document provides a solid outline for how to interact with the public and, more importantly, puts the onus on maintaining a peaceful situation on the officer.

What should the list sent out by Chicago's police have looked like? Maybe a bit like this:

"As a law enforcement officer, my fundamental duty is to serve the community; to safeguard lives and property. ... I will maintain courageous calm in the face of danger, scorn or ridicule; develop self-­restraint; and be constantly mindful of the welfare of others. ... I will enforce the law courteously and appropriately without fear or favor, malice or ill will, never employing unnecessary force or violence. ... I recognize the badge of my office as a symbol of public faith, and I accept it as a public trust to be held so long as I am true to the ethics of police service. ... I know that I alone am responsible for my own standard of professional performance. ... I will constantly strive to achieve these objectives and ideals."

Sadly, Austin has its own issues involving shootings and brutality claims. But the messaging in on point.

It's an officer's responsibility to control any situation that gets thrown their way. While many do a great job of keeping the peace, others seem not to have gotten that memo.

If instead of tweeting out a list of rules for the public to follow, the department tweeted out a list of standards to which their officers should be held, the police might begin regain the public's trust and put to rest its controversial past.

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Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

The animal edition!

True

Been stressed this week? Who hasn’t. That’s why we’re bringing you the latest in good news—five animal-themed stories we guarantee will put a smile on your face.

This week, we’re celebrating:

The most entertaining animal photos you've ever seen

Jason Moore/Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023 and © Tzahi Finkelstein /Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023

Need a laugh? How about a dozen laughs? Look no further than the 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards, a competition started in 2015 that focuses on the lighter side of wildlife photography. More than 1,800 photographers from around the world submitted photos, and the finalists—from a kangaroo playing air guitar to an arguing set of greenfinches—will absolutely make your day.

Healthier, happier, rescued pets

Hundreds of thousands of pets are relinquished to shelters each year, and many vulnerable pet populations—such as disabled and elderly dogs—can be hard to place in loving homes. Fortunately, Subaru has sponsored the rescue, rehabilitation, and adoption of more than 134,000 of these pets through the Subaru Share the Love® Event. As the largest corporate donor to the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®), Subaru and its retailers are donating a minimum of $300 to charities like the ASPCA for every new Subaru purchase or lease during the 2024 Subaru Share the Love Event, happening now through January 2, 2025.

This animal-centric (and adorable) creative writing assignment 

Amy McKinney, a third-grade teacher in Pennsylvania, recently had a genius idea for teaching her class persuasive writing: Rather than have them formulate an argument for an imagined audience (boring!), McKinney partnered with a local animal shelter and had her class write persuasive descriptions of each animal to help them get adopted. Each student chose a pet to write about and sent their essays to the shelter to display and post to the shelter’s social media channels. Student engagement was “tremendous,” said McKinney, and there’s no doubt these persuasive paragraphs made a huge difference in these shelter pet’s lives. Adorable.

The dog who saved his owner with CPR (yes, really)

Dogs have made the news for saving humans before, but have you ever heard of a dog performing CPR? That’s exactly what Bear, a Siberian Husky-Golden Retriever mix, did in 2022 when he found his owner unconscious on the floor after suffering a major heart attack. Not only was Bear able to quickly call for help, he even jumped on his owner’s chest repeatedly while someone else called the paramedics. Thanks to Bear, the owner survived what should have been a fatal heart attack. Now that deserves some head scritches.

Bee populations have reached a record high

macro shot photography of beePhoto by Jenna Lee on Unsplash

Honeybees are essential to the planet, as they pollinate over 130 types of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. For years, honeybee numbers have been in decline—but happily, that’s starting to change. The US has added almost a million bee colonies in the past five years, with more than 3.8 million honeybees in total.

For more ways to smile, check out how Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season.

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Family

Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Foreigner living in Japan shares 12 essential rules for living in the country successfully

Japan is a truly unlike anywhere else on Earth.

Photo credit: Canva

Many Americans dream of being able to pack up and move to another country—be it as a more affordable way of living, or just for the thrill of being fully immersed in another culture. But no matter what pulls you across the globe, it is good to venture with a solid foundation of facts so that you have realistic expectations. After all, life will have its ups and downs, no matter where you happen to be living it.

Recently, X user @Bunburyyōdō, who happened to be an expat living in Japan since the early 2000s, shared some advice for those who wanted to live there and fully enjoy it. Some of their suggestions are bits of good ol’ common sense, and others are a bit more obscure. But all of them cut through a lot of assumptions Westerners might have about the Land of the Rising Sun.

1. Think about other job options besides teaching English

Many people consider teaching English in Japan to be an “easy” way of making income since it’s in fairly high demand. However, there’s still competition for this type of work, especially in major cities like Tokyo, plus potentially longer work days and commutes, plus somewhat low salaries and not a lot of upward mobility.

@Bunburyyōdō encourages folks to consider this kind of job temporary. Use it “to get a visa and a paycheck for a few years then move on.” And consider learning other marketable skills and obtaining higher education/professional certifications is equally crucial to really thrive.

2. Learn the language. Just do it.

While English may be a common language in other areas of the world, it isn’t in Japan. And while learning Japanese isn’t easy, not learning it essentially cuts you off from a large portion of society, which is obviously not ideal long term.

“Your life improves the more Japanese you can speak,” @Bunburyyōdō says.

via GIPHY

3. Prepare to always be treated as a minority

No matter how long you live in Japan, you will still be considered a “gaijin,” or outsider. But the intent behind it isn’t malicious. Japan is just less of a melting pot culture than the U.S. So folks not from there tend to stick out more.

Again, this is where learning the language can help. And one person shared, “If people seem standoffish, it’s often because they’re not sure if they can communicate. Once they realize that you can speak some Japanese, they’re likely to open up.”

To that point, @Bunburyyōdō advises “rolling with the stereotypes” that might come your way.

“I'm British but I hate football. Guess what everyone wants to talk to me about when they meet me for the first time and realize I'm British?” he quips.

4. Discrimination laws are lax, especially with housing

This is a less and ideal truth, but a truth nonetheless. Part of the issue stems from foreigners deliberately leaving the country without notifying their landlord, thereby prompting landlords to refuse renting their properties to foreigners to hopefully avoid dealing with such situations.

While this might seem unethical, @Bunburyyōdō says “having this attitude won’t help you find a place to live,” unless you magically know how to change the country overnight or can afford to buy your own property. Instead, he suggests enlisting the help of an agent to find landlords that do work with foreigners.

Photo credit: Canva

5. Don’t put off getting a visa. And maybe avoid doing a green card marriage.

This should be your “number 1 priority,” according to @Bunburyyōdō. While there a variety of different available visas, each with different requirements, in general you will need to have lived in the country for 10 consecutive years, be able to prove a stable income (no fixed amount here, but around 3 million yen is a good place to start from), maintain “good conduct” (meaning no criminal record and taxes paid on time), having a guarantor, and of course having loads of different documentation.

And while getting married simply to obtain a visa is certainly a thing, @Bunburyyōdō warns that, besides it having legal consequences, prompts a “power imbalance” which is “toxic.”

“There are too many stories of inept foreign men with, ‘crazy Japanese wives.’ Don't be one of them,” he says.

6. Get a hobby

This might seem a little general, but apparently Americans assume “being in Japan” is in itself the hobby. It is not. However, its worth noting that Japan offers hobby options that aren’t as prevalent in America, especially in the realm of arts and sports. You think Colorado is the crème de la crème of rock climbing? Guess again.

7. Avoid Vending Machines

There are over 5.5 million vending machines in Japan—with a population of 125.7 million, that means there’s one vending machine for every 23 people. You can practically find them everywhere, offering everything from cakes in cans to hot, fresh ramen to novelty horror trinkets and even, ahem, more adult items. Of course this can be alluring and fun to try, @Bunburyyōdō warns that the prices are marked up and should only be used in a pinch.


via GIPHY

8. Watch out for ATM fees

Japan is not a cashless country, and there will be times when you need it,menaing you’ll need to visits an ATM every once in a while. @Bunburyyōdō admits that he learned about Japanese ATM fees “the hard way,” and notes the importance of learning which ATMS to use and which to avoid. According to Wise.com, 7-Eleven stores, of which there are a plethora of in Japan, do not charge a fee and are a reliable go-to.

9. Don’t try to force Japan to emulate your country of origin

Japan is not England or America, and short of colonization, will never be. So trying to insert viewpoints about how things are done elsewhere is a fool’s errand.

“You aren't obliged to stay in Japan if you think it's awful.”

10. Think of finding “good cheese” like going on a treasure hunt

While there’s plenty of delicious food in Japan, cheese is not one of those readily available products. And Japanese grocery stores likely won’t have an “ethnic” section where you can find it. That doesn’t mean it can’t be found anywhere, but you’ll have to consider it a specialty item, and find a store that provides those types of luxuries.

11. Don’t get out of shape. No, really.

While staying healthy through diet and exercise is good advice anywhere, in Japan it’s considered you “social responsibility, says @Bunburyyōdō. “If you are noticeably ‘over-nourished’ in Japan people are going to comment on it.” So enjoy all the goodies that the country has to offer, but don’t overdo it.


via GIPHY

12. Don't take yourself too seriously

@Bunburyyōdō’s last piece of advice is “go with the flow” and “learn to smile.”

Yes, you’ll make mistakes. Yes there will be an awkward transitional period. But “just go with it.”

Japan is majestically scenic, with a rich cultural heritage. But moving there (and this goes for any major move really) requires a desire for growth and transformation.

“If you come to Japan with the knowledge that you are going to need to grind and improve yourself in order to be happy with yourself you’ll have a better time than someone who came on a ‘working holiday’ and found it to be not as fun as they expected.”

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Comedian's viral video perfectly nails how each generation arrives at someone's house

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

Samuel Peter/Pexels

Boomers knock. Millennials and Gen Z text "here."

Playing with the contrasts between generations has become a modern pastime, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. Generation gaps have always existed, of course, but the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, sometimes creating challenges, but often resulting in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

And now, comedian Jake Lambert has compared how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he went on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continued. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concluded. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

People felt alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg 😂😂"

Some people didn't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert nailed the generational generalities across the board—and did so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.


This article originally appeared in July.

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Here’s a military trick that can help you cool down in minutes, even in scorching heat

It's cheap, fast and effective.

via U.S Army Cadet Commons/Flickr

The U.S. Army's heat stroke training.

With temperatures rising worldwide, it's essential to know how to stay cool by reducing your body heat. It’s important to keep hydrated and wear breathable clothing, but if you want to cool off quickly, the military has a trick to reduce body temperature in minutes.

According to a CBS report, research shows that submerging your forearms and biceps in ice-cold water can help prevent overheating. That’s why the military uses arm immersion tables when training in hot weather or stationed in places where the heat is unbearable and it's impossible to get to an air-conditioned room. "It's low-tech, it's inexpensive, it's easy to implement," Lt. Col. Dave DeGroot, who runs the Army Heat Center at Fort Moore, told CBS. "It's a bucket of water." Arm immersion tables are long, narrow troughs filled with ice-cold water that stand on four legs.

To cool down, soldiers place their hands, arms, and wrists in the cold water for 3 to 5 minutes. Then, they raise their arms above their heads. This allows cooled blood to circulate throughout the body, lowering its temperature. It also allows the water to drip down their arms, cooling their core from the outside.



Soldiers who practice the technique say that while their arms are submerged, they feel the cold water circulate throughout their body, starting in the chest and then moving to their back.

"Your car has a radiator. Well, so do we. It's our skin," DeGroot said. "Our blood is going to cool off and circulate back to the core and eventually, with several minutes of exposure, bring the core temperature down.”

Arm immersion tables cool approximately 13% of the body, enough surface area to transfer body heat to the water. According to TechLink, immersing one's arms in cold water can reduce core body temperature by 2° F in 3 to 10 minutes. Two degrees may not sound like much, but considering that the average body temperature is usually between 97 and 100 degrees, it makes a huge difference.



In severe situations where hot soldiers appear pale, wobbly, or mentally incapacitated, the military uses ice sheets to cool them down. "An ice sheet is nothing more than a simple bed sheet that we use," Fort Jackson safety specialist Vinson Washington told the U.S. Army. “We submerge these in ice, and when a casualty overheats, we wrap them in these to cool them down until we can get medical personnel on the scene."

"We put them in a human taco, basically," 1st Sgt. Brendan Cain, an Air Assault School instructor, added. In the event a soldier goes down with a heat injury, they use the sheets to "cool down the (soldier's) core temperature," then "it's an automatic call to 911."

Arm immersion tables and ice sheets work because, according to TechLink, the heat transfer of water is 25 times greater than that of air. So, to cool someone off, it’s much more effective to immerse them in water than to place them in front of a fan.

There's no need to worry if you’re looking to beat the heat and don’t have a military-grade arm immersion tank. You can make something similar by taking a large cooler filled with ice water and placing it on a table or by filling your kitchen sink with water and adding some ice.


This article originally appeared in July.

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Man honors mom's passing with a tattoo of her handwritten diary entry from the day he was born

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me.'"

Photos courtesy of Jake Bley

Jake Bley wanted to commemorate the 10th anniversary of his mother's passing.

When kids are growing up, they often see their mother in one dimension—just "Mom"—without much thought for the life she lived before kids or who she is outside of that role. It's usually not until we reach our own adulthood that we recognize, "OH, Mom is much more than just my mother," and if we're lucky, we then get to know her in a whole new light and celebrate all that she is.

Jake Bley is lucky to be getting to know and celebrate his mother, Nicki—but in a very different way than most people do. Nicki Bley was only 46 when she died after a year-long battle with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in 2014. Jake, one of Nicki's five children, was in his early 20s when she passed.

toddler in mom's arms and adult son with arm around momJake as a toddler and as an adult with his mom, NickiPhotos courtesy of Jake Bley


"As a young mother, our relationship was closer to a friendship than a usual mother/son relationship," Jake tells Upworthy. "I could go to her about anything, and she was always supportive…she was one of my best friends."

woman bald from chemo laughing with her adult son

Jake and Nicki just months before Nicki passed

Photo courtesy of Jake Bley

Shortly before she died, Nicki gave each of her kids a special gift. To Jake, she handed over her collection of handwritten diaries she'd kept from the time she was 8 years old.

"When she gave each of her children our gifts she was very sick," he says. "But she told me she gave me the diaries and other sentimental items because she knew I would value them, and I could process her thoughts throughout the years. Get to really know who she was and value that. The good and the bad."

"It has been 10 years since she passed, and I only started really looking at the items recently," Jake shares. "It has been too hurtful to explore them until now. That's when I found the little red Collins from 1989, the year I was born. From there, I flicked to the day I was born and that was when I saw her entry—'only a little fellow.'"

Jake had been born prematurely, weighing only 5.7 pounds at birth, and Nicki had jotted "Only a little fellow" as a note beneath his statistics.

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me," Jake says. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

As part of his healing journey, Jake decided to tattoo the phrase on his leg, in his mom's handwriting, to commemorate the 10th anniversary of her passing.

"I took the day off work, very nervous, and I walked into a local tattoo artist studio with no booking," he says. "Up until then I didn't feel like I could commit. My tattoo artist Riley was incredible. I told her the story, and she took the 1989 Red Collins diary and copied the handwriting on to a transfer for the tattoo."

"I love meaningful tattoos," she told him. It was Jake's first time getting a tattoo, but he says that all of his nerves instantly vanished when he saw the final product.

"It was perfect. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and it was a happy moment. When I got back to my car I cried happy tears, because for the first time in a very long time I was letting myself feel my emotions."

He shared a video documenting the tattoo experience on TikTok:

@jakebley

TW: GRIEF. I know shes watching over me. #Tattoo #Grief #griefjourney ❤️

Jake says his grief over his mother's death has been complex. "It's not until years later that I started to understand the impact of losing a parent, and the need to not only experience, but feel my emotions," he says. "Taking the time to rediscover my mother, and getting this tattoo a decade later has been part of my healing journey."

Jake's story has gone viral on social media, with people offering their words of comfort and their own experiences with remembering their loved ones, which has given a whole new dimension to Nicki's legacy.

"It has been so wonderful seeing the love pouring out from the community," Jake tells Upworthy. "The thought that 10 years on my mother's handwriting, love and memory not only lives on but is celebrated by so many truly fills my heart."


This article originally appeared in July.

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