+
Identity

Wait. Is this real life? You've never heard a celebrity apology like this.

"I've learned it is not my intent that matters; it's the result."

race, media, culture, celebrity, hair
Image from YouTube video.

Giuliana Rancic makes a public apology.

This article originally appeared on 2.25.15


This whole thing started when actress Zendaya Coleman showed up at the 2015 Oscars rocking a new hairstyle.

But it was Giuliana Rancic's comments about her hairstyle on E!'s "Fashion Police" that really struck a nerve.

"I feel like she smells like patchouli oil ... or weed." — Giuliana Rancic

Zendaya took to Twitter with a poignant response about the importance of respecting and understanding the dynamics of black hair.

"There is already harsh criticism of African American hair in society without the help of ignorant people who choose to judge others based on the curl of their hair. My wearing my hair in locs on an Oscar red carpet was to showcase them in a positive light, to remind people of color that our hair is good enough. To me locs are a symbol of strength and beauty, almost like a lion's mane." — Zendaya Coleman

After tons of people weighed in on the comments and Zendaya's reply, Giuliana issued this eloquent and sincere apology via YouTube.

"I'd really like to address something that is weighing very heavy on my heart. I want to apologize for a comment that I made on last night's "Fashion Police" about Zendaya's hair. Now as you know, "Fashion Police" is a show that pokes fun at celebrities in good spirit, but I do understand something I said last night did cross the line. I just want everyone to know that I didn't intend to hurt anybody. But I've learned it is not my intent that matters; it's the result. And the result is that people are offended, including Zendaya. That is not OK.

Therefore, I want to say to Zendaya, and anyone else out there that I have hurt, that I am so, so sincerely sorry. This really has been a learning experience for me — I've learned a lot today — and this incident has taught me to be a lot more aware of cliches and stereotypes, how much damage they can do, and that I am responsible, as we all are, to not perpetuate them further. Thank you for listening." – Giuliana Rancic

Now tell me that isn't a damn good apology!? So damn good I just had to swear! And I had to do it twice! Damn! Three times!

What makes Giuliana's apology so successful and so different from the faux apologies we're used to?

Usually people make the mistake of saying, "I'm sorry *if* you were offended," which totally misses the point of apologizing. If someone says something you've said or done has hurt their feelings, of course they're offended! There's no need to throw *if* in there. Also, "I'm sorry you were offended" — "if" or no "if" — puts the blame on the person who's been hurt as opposed to taking responsibility for your actions that *caused* the hurt. In stark contrast, Giuliana's apology nails the two things most necessary for a genuine apology.

Lucky for you, not long ago I made a video about getting called out and how to apologize where I covered these two very components.

And while taking responsibility for your behavior and making a commitment to change really isn't that difficult, this seems to be something many people — celebs and non-celebs — tend to struggle with.

Remember, apologies aren't about intent, they're about impact.

The other thing that makes Giuliana's apology so great is that she acknowledged that her intent isn't the problem, her impact is. Think of it this way: If you step on someone's foot and break their toe, you didn't mean to break their toe, but it's still broken and it still hurts! So it's important to remember to apologize for what you did, not what you did or didn't mean to do.I gotta say, when I first wrote about Giuliana's comments on Zendaya's hair, I didn't expect such a swift and efficient apology. But homegirl really nailed it.

I think the most important lesson here is to remember that as humans, we're all bound to make mistakes. But with every mistake, there's always an opportunity to learn and grow if you're willing to listen, apologize, and do the work. If you've ever had a situation you had to learn from or know someone who could use a brush up on how to apologize, consider giving this post a share!

A Korean mother and her son

A recently posted story on Reddit shows a mother confidently standing up for her family after being bullied by a teacher for her culture. Reddit user Flowergardens0 posted the story to the AITA forum, where people ask whether they are wrong in a specific situation.

Over 5,600 people commented on the story, and an overwhelming majority thought the mother was right. Here’s what went down:

“I (34F) have a (5M) son who attends preschool. A few hours after I picked him up from school today, I got a phone call from his teacher,” Flowergardens0 wrote. “She made absolutely no effort to sound kind when she, in an extremely rude and annoyed tone, told me to stop packing my son such ‘disgusting and inappropriate’ lunches."

Keep ReadingShow less
The Tonight Show/ Youtube

Jennifer Aniston appearing on "The Tonight show"

Let’s face it, platonic relationships between men and women rarely get the same amount of attention as romantic ones, to the point where we debate whether or not they can actually exist in the first place.

That’s what makes a clip of Jennifer Aniston gushing about her decades-long friendship with Adam Sandler so cool to watch. There’s no Harry-Met-Sally-ing here, just one pal talking about another pal.

Aniston sat down with Jimmy Fallon to promote the film “Murder Mystery 2,” starring both Aniston and Sandler, but the conversation quickly veered into several anecdotes about “The Sand Man,” including how the two first met at a deli in their 20s.

As with any healthy friendship, there’s plenty of ragging on each other.

Keep ReadingShow less

Ring doorbell video captures what it's like to be the default parent.

Kids, man. I'm not sure of the scientific way audacity is distributed, but kids have a lot of it and somehow make it cute. That audacity overload is especially interesting when you're the default parent—you know, the parent kids go to for literally everything as if there's not another fully capable adult in the house. Chances are if your children haven't sought you out while you were taking a shower so you could open up a pack of fruit snacks, then you're not the default parental unit.

One parent captured exactly what it's like to be the default parent and shared it to TikTok, where the video has over 4 million views. Toniann Marchese went on a quick grocery run and *gasp* did not inform her children. Don't you fret, they're modern kids who know how to use modern means to get much-needed answers when mom is nowhere to be found. They went outside and rang the doorbell.

Back when we were children, this would've done nothing but make the dogs bark, but for Marchese's kids, who are 3 and 6 years old, it's as good as a phone call.

Keep ReadingShow less

A size 21 Nike shoe made for Tacko Fall.

A local reporter at Hometown Life shared a unique and heartfelt story on March 16 about a mother struggling to find shoes that fit her 14-year-old son. The story resonated with parents everywhere; now, her son is getting the help he desperately needs. It's a wonderful example of people helping a family that thought they had nowhere to turn.

When Eric Kilburn Jr. was born, his mother, Rebecca’s OBGYN, told her that he had the “biggest feet I’ve ever seen in my life. Do not go out and buy baby shoes because they’re not gonna fit,’” Rebecca told Today.com. Fourteen years later, it’s almost impossible to find shoes that fit the 6’10” freshman—he needs a size 23.

Keep ReadingShow less
Education

Former teacher shares the funny 'secret code' she used when talking to parents

“Your son is going to make a great lawyer" is code for: "Your kid won’t stop arguing with me."

Miss Smith shares the "secret code" teachers use in emails to parents.

There are many things that teachers think but cannot say aloud. Teachers have to have a certain sense of decorum and often have strict rules about the things they can or can’t say about children, especially to their parents.

Plus, it’s a teacher’s job to educate, not judge. So, they find ways to kindly say what’s on their minds without having to resort to name-calling or talking disparagingly of a student.

Keep ReadingShow less

It's incredible what a double-sided magnet can do.


A new trend in treasure hunting called magnet fishing has blown up over the past two years, evidenced by an explosion of YouTube channels covering the hobby. Magnet fishing is a pretty simple activity. Hobbyists attach high-powered magnets to strong ropes, drop them into waterways and see what they attract.

The hobby has caught the attention of law enforcement and government agencies because urban waterways are a popular place for criminals to drop weapons and stolen items after committing a crime. In 2019, a magnet fisherman in Michigan pulled up an antique World War I mortar grenade and the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate.


Keep ReadingShow less