A woman apologizing.
You messed up, and now it’s time to fess up and apologize. Apologies can be tough because you want to appear genuine so that you can start healing the relationship. Depending on the mistake, a simple sorry just won’t do. So, how do you craft your apology so it has the greatest chance of being accepted? The key is to be incredibly intentional with your word choice.
A recent study published in the British Journal of Psychology found that people sound the most sincere when apologizing if they use longer words than they usually would. “This paper shows that individuals produce longer words in their apologies than in their non-apologetic communication, presumably to express the effort they are willing to exert to express their remorse and/or correct the situation,” the researchers wrote. “Correspondingly, individuals interpret apologies with longer words as more apologetic.”
How to apologize and have it accepted
In plain English, the researchers found that using longer words in your apology than you would typically use makes the person you are apologizing to believe that you are truly sorry. The key here is for you to consider how you present yourself as a speaker. If you don’t usually use big words, you won’t have to stretch your vocabulary too far. However, suppose you typically speak as if you have a doctorate in English literature with a minor in linguistics. In that case, it's going to be a bit harder to find the perfect verbiage for your apology.
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If you usually would have said, “I'm really sorry,” you'd do better by saying, “I'm genuinely sorry.”
If you usually say, “I am incredibly sorry,” you’d have a better chance of it being accepted if you said, “I am tremendously sorry.”
Let’s take things up a level so you can be a master at apologizing. To be even more convincing, use words that are longer and aren’t used as frequently in regular day-to-day conversation. If you were apologizing for being a bit snappy with someone and would usually apologize with, “I did not mean to be so hostile,” instead, try, “I did not mean to respond in a confrontational manner.”
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Why do longer words seem more genuine?
Why does using longer words that are less common in everyday conversation make you more convincing when apologizing? Linguists believe that most people try to minimize the effort they put into choosing the words they use, just as they don’t put a lot of thought into interpreting what they hear. Therefore, when you appear to put a lot of thought into your word choice while also putting yourself through the strain of pronouncing extra syllables, you always seem to be more thoughtful and genuine. The person you’re apologizing to is saying to themselves, “They’re using big words that I don’t hear very often; they must have put a lot of thought into what they are saying. They must really be genuine.”
Ultimately, the researchers discovered that, like many aspects of life, effort is crucial. When people see that you’ve invested a lot in your apology, they take notice and just may give you the benefit of the doubt. Unless, of course, if this is the tenth time you’re apologizing for the same thing, then there is no word long enough to seem genuine.
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