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Family

A letter to the woman who told me to stay in my daughter's life after seeing my skin.

'I'm not a shiny unicorn. There are plenty of black men like me who love fatherhood.'

parenting, father’s day, respect, fairness
Doyin Richards

Dad and daughters take a walk through Disneyland.

True
Fathers Everywhere

To a stranger I met at a coffee shop a few years ago who introduced me to what my life as a parent would be like:

My "welcome to black fatherhood moment" happened five years ago, and I remember it like it happened yesterday.

I doubt you'll remember it, though — so let me refresh your memory.


It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Los Angeles in 2011, and I decided to walk my then 3-month-old daughter to the corner Starbucks. That's when I met you — a stylish older white woman who happened to be ahead of me in line.

You were very friendly and offered up many compliments about how cute my daughter was, and I agreed wholeheartedly with you. She's cute.

But after you picked up your drink, you delivered this parting shot:

"No offense, but it's not often that I see black guys out with their kids, but it's such a wonderful thing," she said. "No matter what happens, I hope you stay involved in her life."

And then you put on your designer sunglasses and left.

Meanwhile, I was like...

celebrity, racism, challenges, stigmas

That was unexpected.

GIF from "Live with Kelly and Michael."

Here's the thing: I'm not angry with you, but I want you to understand the impact you had on my life.

Do I think you're a mean-spirited racist? No, I don't. Actually, I bet you're a really nice lady.

But let's be real for a second: Your view on black dads was tough for me to stomach, and I want you to know a few things about what it's really like to be me.

1. I want you to know that we have challenges that other dads don't experience.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh boy — let me brace myself while he 'blacksplains' how hard his life is while shaming me for ignoring my white privilege."

But that would be missing the point. We all have our challenges in life, and I'm not about to bring a big bottle of whine to a pity party.

Instead, as you probably know, today's dads are trying to shed the stigma of being clueless buffoons.

nurture, unicorn, mainstream media

Kid, you're gonna love this! Wheeeee ... uh oh.

Image from Giphy.

But black dads have an additional obstacle to hurdle in that we're often seen as completely disinterested in fatherhood. Trust me, it gets old when people automatically assume you're not good at something because of the color of your skin.

Our encounter was the first of many examples of this that I've witnessed, directly or indirectly, in my five and a half years of fatherhood, and I'm sure there will be more to come.

2. I want you to know that I'm not a shiny unicorn. There are plenty of black men just like me who love fatherhood.

During the months that followed our brief meeting, I felt a need to prove that you — a complete stranger — were wrong. I needed to prove there were plenty of black men just like me who loved being dads.

I knew a lot of these great men personally: My dad, my two brothers, and many others embraced fatherhood. But could any data back up how much black dads embraced fatherhood? Because the examples in mainstream media were few and far between.

Thankfully, the answer is yes.

A few years after I met you, a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that 70% of black dads are likely to engage in common child-rearing activities such as diaper changing, bathing, toilet training, etc., on a daily basis. That's a higher percentage than white or Hispanic fathers.

Full stop.

This isn't about black dads being "the best" because parenthood isn't a competition. It's about showing that we're not even remotely as bad as society makes us out to be.

And outside of the CDC study, I saw firsthand how hands-on black dads are when I was thrust into the public eye, too, because a lot of them reached out to me to tell their stories.

We nurture our kids.

dads, social norms, ethnicity, privilege

Getting close to the twins.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

We're affectionate with our kids.

fatherhood, children, family, parenting

Love is universal.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

And we do whatever our kids need us to do.

equality, community, gender roles

Dad takes a deserved nap.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

And none of that should come as a surprise to anyone.

3. I want you to know that I believe you meant well when you praised me for being involved in my daughter's life, but that's what I'm programmed to do.

Disneyland, fathers, daughters, ethnicity

Princess dresses at Disneyland? You bet.

Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed and used with permission.

I will always be there for her and her baby sister.

Even though I just described how black dads are different from many dads, I hope the takeaway you have from this is that we have a lot of similarities, too.

Please don't fall into the trap of saying that you want to live in a colorblind world because it makes it harder to identify with inequality when it happens. Instead, I hope you can recognize that we have the same hopes, dreams, and fears as other parents, but the roads we travel may not be the same.

And no, I don't want an apology.

But I hope when you pick up your next latte and see a dad who looks like me that you'll smile knowing he's the rule rather than the exception.


This article originally appeared on 06.15.16

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Pura
Pura Fragrances
Justice

Walking Alongside Martu: A journey with one of the world’s oldest living cultures

Pura’s inaugural impact collection honors both sacred traditions and sustainable futures.

James Roh
True

In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.

Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.

James Roh

Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.

Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.

James Roh

Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.

There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.

To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.

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Pop Culture

Woman lives on a cruise ship for free, but says there are 4 things she's not allowed to do

Still…a pretty charmed life.

Upworthy has covered a few stories about people who decided to live permanently on cruise ships because it's cheaper than living on land or in a nursing home. These stories have connected with millions because they say a lot about the modern cost of living but are also aspirational.

Christine Kesteloo has become popular on TikTok with over 680,000 followers because she shares what living on a cruise ship is really like. Kesteloo is the wife of the ship’s Staff Chief Engineer, so she gets to live on the boat for free. She only has to pay for alcohol and soda, which she gets for half off according to Business Insider.

“I live on a cruise ship for half the year with my husband, and it's often as glamorous as it sounds,” she told Insider. “After all, I don't cook, clean, make my bed, do laundry or pay for food.“

Kesteloo’s life seems pretty stress-free. After all, she's basically on a permanent vacation. However, even though she lives on a cruise ship as a “wife on board,” there are a few things she either can’t or shouldn’t do.

She shared these four things in a TikTok video with nearly 10 million views.

@dutchworld_americangirl I go through four things I can, and cannot do it while living on the cruise ship with my husband #weliveonacruiseship #4things #alaskacruise #cruiseship #cruiseshiplife #cruise #alaska #caribbeancruise #cruiselife #livingstsea #getreadywithme ♬ Chill in a good mood, calm and fun(1263486) - zukisuzuki


1. Gambling

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia0.giphy.com

Kesteloo says she cannot sit at a slot machine and “play my heart out until I win.” She believes it would “look a little weird if I, as the wife of the staff chief engineer, won a big jackpot.”

2. Leaving the ship with the guests

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia0.giphy.com

When the ship arrives at a destination, she can't get off with the guests. She must wait about an hour and exit the vessel with the crew. When returning to the ship, she also has to be on time. “No, they will not wait for us,” she says. And the same goes for her husband, if they “miss the ship, someone else will take over the role.”

3. Sitting in a crowded pool

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia1.giphy.com

Although Kesteloo has access to the pool, gym, and all the ship’s amenities, she’s cautious not to interfere with the guests' good time. She’ll exit the pool if it’s busy because “it’s just the right thing to do.”

4. Traveling without international traveler insurance

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia1.giphy.com

She must have insurance in case of a misfortune on the ship. But as a citizen of the Netherlands, they already have coverage and just have to pay a few extra dollars a month.

Though folks generally welcomed Kesteloo's advice, some of the most popular commenters on the video were from women regretting that they married men who aren’t chief engineers on cruise ships or those who want to know where to find a single one.

"OK, can you explain how to marry a cruise ship engineer?" one female commentator wrote.

"How. in. the. H E double hockey sticks do I become the wife of a cruise ship engineer???? I don’t have to work AND cruise for free!" another added.

"Does he have any single friends with same job??? Asking for me," one more asked.

For even more tips on living this charmed life, follow Kesteloo on TikTok. Who knows, by now she might evne have some advice for landing your own cruise ship engineer spouse.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Non-Americans share 15 misconceptions they had about the U.S. that changed after visiting it

"I thought the Southern accent was made up/exaggerated for TV."

via Canva/Photos

American school us, bbq, and Christmas lights.

When people across the world think of Americans, they have a mixed bag of images. They think about freedom, opportunity, enthusiasm, patriotism, and Hollywood movies. They think Americans are confident and optimistic but disinterested in the world outside of their borders. Critics of America have problems with its guns, politics, and consumerism.

People also see stereotypical images of America in countries that seem too fantastical to be true. Do kids really go to school in big yellow buses? Does everyone have a garbage disposal? What’s up with those huge red cups everyone has at parties in college movies? Well, yes, they are true, but you won’t believe it ‘til you come to the States and see the magic of America yourself.

A Redditor asked non-Americans to share their misconceptions about America that they believed until they visited the country, and there were many positive responses. After fearing they were obnoxious, many people were blown away by how kind Americans were when they met them. They were also impressed that Americans are much more cultured than they thought beforehand. However, the one drawback is that the visible poverty in the land of opportunity was distressing to many people.

americans, college parties, red solo cups, coolers, alcohol, red cup hatsA group of people at a red Solo cup party. via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 “misconceptions” people have about the U.S. before they visited America and saw it for themselves.

1. Christmas lights

"It wasn't a misconception - I just didn't believe everything you see in the movies is real and especially in Christmas movies, things are a bit exaggerated. So, I didn't believe people really had THAT crazy of Christmas lights in suburbs. I was so very wrong. America is crazy for their Christmas lights."

2. Southern accents

"I thought the Southern accent was made up/exaggerated for TV until I heard it come out of Some Guy."

"I’m from the South, and I’m even shocked at some Southern accents."

3. Angry New York pedestrians

"When I went to New York, not a single person said 'Hey, I'm walking here.' Or 'What are you? Some kinda mook?' This was disappointing."

4. New Yorkers are nice

"I feel like NYC is one of the most helpful places when you really need help. It's not help for trivial sh*t, that's everyone, everywhere, all of the time in NYC. No one has the time or energy to be polite and helpful in every situation. But when sh*t really does down, New Yorkers will step in."

"This. I’m a Midwesterner who LOVES NYC and visits often, and I’ve found that as long as you have your shit together and don’t waste their time, New Yorkers are the most helpful and stand-up people in the U.S. They just do not suffer fools."


new yorkers, americans new york city, brooklyn, walking in ny, man and womanA couple walking in New York City.via Yandesbois/Flickr

5. American friendliness

"F**k me I've rarely been treated better in another country. Class bunch of people."

"As per a saying I once heard: 'I can't stand Americans, but I never met one I didn't like.'"

6. Dry humor

"That Americans don't understand dry humour. We Brits are very snobby, thinking our deadpan wit is superior to in-your-face US sitcom humour. The Americans in my company that I'd met in online calls were super upbeat and cheerful with cheesy jokes. Meeting them in person and seeing actual dry American humour was devastating. They were so funny."

"I feel like our dry humor is just really committing to the bit that it’s hard to tell we are in on the joke."

7. Millionaires

"I used to work with guys from Africa. They were shocked that all Americans aren’t millionaires. I ask why they thought everyone was a millionaire and they said in the movies everyone is held for ransom and it is a million dollars. There aren’t poor or homeless people in movies. It wasn’t what they expected."

8. American food

"The food. I'm French and I thought everything would be awful but i didcoverd the south US version of BBQ and I miss it since. I also discovered sweet potatoes there and I eat it all the time now."


american food, bar-b-que, sausage, brisket, cole slaw, pickles, chickenA plate of American bar-b-que.via Canva/Photos

9. Mobility scooters

"I didn't see a single person on a mobility scooter. I was led to believe they were everywhere."

"Did you go into a Walmart. That’s where they are."

10. Sincerity

"I was told that Americans were superficial and that their interest wasn’t genuine. But after traveling to the U.S. frequently in recent years, I’ve realized that Americans are actually kind, open, and genuinely interested in talking to you."

11. Guns

"I expected to see people walking around carrying guns like it’s a Rambo cosplay."

"That surprises me bc I'm from Texas too, and I have seen a ton of people open carrying. Maybe you're from a different part than me, but in the Dallas area, they are wearing their holsters to the gas station."

12. Fast food

"I genuinely believed everyone ate fast food for every meal. Then I visited and realized there are tons of people who are super into cooking, farmer’s markets, and healthy eating."

"My friend from France recently asked me if I eat burgers and fries for every meal because I'm American, and that's what we eat in shows."


mcdonald's, cheeseburger, fast food french fries, american food, beef, cheeseA McDonald's cheeseburger and fries.via Breanna Schulze/Flickr

13. The size

"It’s not really a misconception but I was taken aback by the scale of everything. From the size of the land itself, the distances, the size of cities, parks and neighborhoods, the height and size of the buildings downtown of a few major cities, the variety of products in supermarkets and the packaging sizes….the list goes on and on. Obviously, I knew it was to be expected, but seeing it with my own eyes was truly fascinating, and in some ways it made me understand the American way of thinking and living a little bit more."

14. Poverty

"I thought US people all lived in good conditions. But the levels of poverty in cities like Portland, Seattle, Oakland, and New York were astonishing."

"And then there's the poverty in poor and rural areas. The UN about a decade ago sent observers to study parts of Alabama because conditions there were akin to what's seen in third world countries."

15. The media

"I was just taken aback by how much influence the media has here, to an almost brainwashing degree."

"The 24-hour 'news' stations (i.e. Fox and CNN) are just mouthpieces for their respective political parties and their viewers just believe almost everything they say. Social Media is even worse as so much misinformation is spread through there with little to no fact-checking."

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Family

Mom gives a tour of her typical 'middle-class home' and it's exactly what people needed

"There is just so much pressure on social media to be perfect."

@steph_murphy/TikTok

Stephanie Murphy shares her "average" home in viral TikTok video.

Sure, it’s lovely to see pristine, perfectly curated homes that look like they belong in Architectural Digest. A little inspo never hurt anyone. But as we all know, the spotless life is simply not an achievable reality, especially for those with busy lives and limited budgets (read: most of us).

But you know what? Maybe even the messy homes deserve some love. The ones with constant junk piles, unfinished projects, dirty dishes, and misplaced toys. The homes that will never grace the cover of a magazine but still do a wonderful job of containing all the moments life has to offer—the big, small, extraordinary, mundane, and everywhere in between. 'Cause at the end of the day, isn’t that a home’s true purpose anyway?


@stephsharesitall

Lets normalize “average” because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and its hard not to compare yours to them. But its not the norm and half the time its staged. Our house is lived in, and its filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day thats all that matters.

Stephanie Murphy, a mom and TikTok creator, seems to think so. Murphy recently took viewers on an “average house tour,” and it was the exact opposite of aspirational. Highlighted in Murphy’s tour are the pantry door that’s remained unpainted for three years, blinds held together with binder clips, air conditioners held in place by duct tape, a full dish rack tray that’s “a permanent fixture” on their countertops, and not one but two junk drawers (honestly, that’s a little low by my count). You’ll also notice a fridge that is covered in her kid’s artwork and school pictures. Not in any cohesive way, but merely thrown on randomly, as nature intended.

Meanwhile, in the master bedroom, Murphy and her husband’s bed have two separate blankets because neither of them like to share. A genius idea, and just another example of how we really, really don’t need to continue with marital sleeping norms that don’t actually feel comfortable.

As for why Murphy decided to showcase her “average, middle-class house,” it’s all in the caption of her video: “Let’s normalize ‘average’ because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media, you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and it’s hard not to compare yours to them. But it’s not the norm and half the time it's staged. Our house is lived in, and it’s filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day that's all that matters."

She further explained her reasoning to Good Morning America. "I feel like social media is full of one perfectly curated video after another, and there is just so much pressure from social media to be perfect in all aspects -- to have perfect skin, perfect makeup, perfect outfit, perfect house. And the reality is no one's perfect," Murphy said.

"Honestly, I feel like there's a very good chance that all those videos that we see were staged and they probably like, moved a pile of toys behind the camera to film and then moved it back when they were done. But that's the part that people on social media just aren't sharing. They don't show you the behind-the-scenes and that is what I was looking to change," she continued.


Judging from the comments sections of this now-viral post, it seems like other people are ready for more average content.

“This is awesome! I’m constantly feeling inadequate when people have a perfect house that looks like nobody lives there!” one person wrote. “I feel seen,” added another.

Hear, hear. No need to feel inadequate about having a home that’s lived in. Imperfection has its own kind of beauty.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

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Health

Why is it the closer you get to home, the more you have to pee?

The urge intensifies at the toilet, too.

via Canva/Photos

A woman has to go to the bathroom really badly.

Isn’t it a little strange that while driving home from work, you start feeling like you have to pee as you get about a mile from home? The closer you get to home, the greater the feeling intensifies until you do the pee-pee dance while trying to figure out which key opens the front door. The problem is, it doesn’t stop there. The feeling intensifies until you reach the toilet.

Why do you have to pee the closer you get to home?

If you know this feeling all too well, you should be happy to see that it isn’t a coincidence that the closer you get, the more you have to go; it’s science. “The closer you are to that access, the more you’re going to feel that sense of urgency and your body is going to say, ‘Oh, hey, we’re almost there, we have it,’” Jessica Stern, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Langone Health, told The Huffington Post.

You’ve probably heard of the mind-body connection, but did you know it also extends to the brain-bladder connection? According to Stren, there is an ongoing dialogue where the brain tells the bladder whether it’s okay to go to the bathroom. So, when you’re commuting home from work, your brain says, “Not now, bladder,” until you get closer to home, and then the brain gets less demanding, and the bladder takes over.

bladder, brain, pee, poop, use bathroom, restroom, urgency, dance, A man has to go to the bathroom really badly.via Canva/Photos

“As one gets closer to the bathroom, the inhibitory signals from the brain become less and less as the thought of urinating becomes stronger and stronger,” Dr. Victor W. Nitti, a professor of urology and obstetrics and gynecology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at University of California, Los Angeles, told The Huffington Post.

The more you wait to use the restroom until you get home, the more your mind will associate coming home with having to go to the bathroom until it becomes habitual. “The more you go to this place where you’re arriving at home and having to go to the bathroom immediately, the more that pattern is going to start to develop,” Stern said.

bladder, brain, pee, poop, use bathroom, restroom, urgency, dance, A woman on the toilet.via Canva/Photos

So, now that we know there’s a brain-bladder relationship happening, what about your bowels? Is there a brain-bowel relationship, too? Because it seems like the closer we get to home, the greater the utrge to poop as well.

Why is it the closer you get to home, the more you have to poop?

Jack Gilbert, a professor of surgery at the University of Chicago and the university's Microbiome Center director, says there is a similar effect on the bowels. Our body chemistry changes when we get home which makes us more comfortable going poop. Gibert says that coming home “triggers the relaxation response that allows you to release the inhibitions that led you to hold it in' while in unfamiliar surroundings.” That’s a big reason why people often suffer from constipation when they go on vacation, because the body isn’t sure where it’s safe to go. Remember, many of our systems are running on ancient evolutionary data that, thousands of years ago, meant that going to the bathroom in the wrong place could get you eaten by a wild animal.

Interestingly, our mind works overtime, communicating with our bladder and bowels without us knowing it, so we have a safe and comfortable place to go to the bathroom. Still, it would be cooler if the brain tols us we have to go pee or poop after we opened the front door instead of a mile from home.

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