upworthy
Family

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

Pro tip: Don't ask newlyweds about babies.

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.


If you just got married, chances are lots of people think they know what your life is like.

These people are totally well-meaning! And also, mostly wrong.

Being married isn't exactly like it used to be. Which is great, as there are so many different, amazing ways to be newlyweds than ever before. But it's also occasionally frustrating, as we newlyweds are frequently forced to dispel a lot of myths about our relationships.

So let's get them out of the way in one fell swoop.

Here are the most common (but mistaken) assumptions strangers make when you're a newlywed couple, and what our lives are really like.

Assumption #1: We went on our honeymoon already, and we left right after the wedding.

Just like we imagined it. Because we did imagine it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: In our dreams, we definitely did — and we had a great time!

In real life, however, most of us can't just take a week (or more) off work at will. The office is hella busy, and on top of that, we live in the only wealthy country in the world that doesn't mandate any paid vacation. Many of us were barely able to get the day of our actual wedding off (ultimately, we compromised with our manager and took a half-day).

We're planning to get to it ... eventually. But it might be a while. We promise we'll send pictures!

Assumption #2: We're going to have babies ASAP.

Yay?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We love being married! But, you know, we actually haven't decided? About babies? We're just enjoying being married right now. But we'll let you know when it happens. We promise.

Assumption #3: We're going to move out of "the city" one day.

So many cheap noodles, so little time.

Photo by Anthony Quintano/Flickr.

Reality: It makes sense to assume that, like so many newly married couples in generations past, we're already planning our escape from our local metropolis to a less population-dense area TBD. But many of us who live in the city really, really like it! The city is great. There are good schools here. We can get nachos delivered at 3 a.m.! From either the good nacho place or the OK-but-cheap nacho place.

Sure, some of us are planning to one day move to the 'burbs for more space (and many already are), but many of us aren't. And still others of us who already live in the suburbs are making the suburbs more like the city.

Having a yard is really nice, but so is not having car insurance payments.

Assumption #4: We feel superior to our second-cousin Frieda whose boyfriend of 19 years still hasn't proposed.

Look! They seem happy!

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Even though we're feeling pretty good about being married, Frieda and Richard are adults and get to make their own decisions — no matter what Aunt Cindy thinks. Maybe they have financial reasons. Maybe they decided a long time ago they don't want to be married. Maybe they believe marriage is an oppressive, archaic, patriarchal institution that they don't want to participate in, and also they're vegan now.

In any case, leave Frieda and Richard alone.

Assumption #5: We're going to have babies soonish.

Aw?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So, yeah. Like I said. Really haven't decided about babies. Keeping our options open. But probably not soon? You know?

Assumption #6: One of us changed our last name.

Uncanny, really.

Image by Mary Rose Pickett/Sketchport.


Reality: There's totally nothing wrong with couples who decide that one partner will take the other's last name, of course. But not all of us do. At least 1 in every 5 women decide to keep their maiden names, according to a New York Times survey. And if you haven't taken your partner's last name, it's kind of frustrating to constantly hear yourself referred to as Mr./Mrs. Someone Else (for opposite-gender couples, this pretty much applies exclusively to women).

If you're not sure what last name to use, just ask! We'll tell you what the deal is.

Assumption #7: We're having Guinness Book of World Records amounts of sex.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: For those of us who waited to have sex until marriage — which is, of course, totally cool — you might need a supercomputer to tabulate. But lots of us have been together for a long time already and may even have been living together already, so we're probably having whatever amount of sex is normal for us. It's just a regular part of our lives that throwing a wedding doesn't really have a magical impact on.

After many years in a relationship, most of us take "Netflix and chill" quite literally. And seriously.

Assumption #8: We've finished all our thank-you notes.

It. Just. Doesn't. Get. Easier.

Photo by happy_serendipity/Flickr.

Reality: Never. We'll be writing these until the end of time.

Assumption #9: Hanging out with one of us means hanging out with both of us.

You will listen to us talk about our trip to Block Island and you will enjoy it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We're still different people. Each of us is a self-sufficient being with free will. And we're probably totally down to hang out with you, even if our spouse isn't available.

Except you, Greg. We're totally avoiding you.

Assumption #10: We're going to have babies ever.

Bujjy bujjy boo?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So um, like I said, there's actually a chance we might never have babies? We might decide we don't want them after all. We might find out we can't — in which case, these questions might become extremely invasive and painful. We might adopt a child ... who's not a baby. We haven't figured it out yet.

At the end of the day, It's kinda up to us, you know?

Assumption #11: We never use the garlic press you got us.

Such a great gift.

Photo by Lee Kindness/Wikimedia Commons.

Reality: We use it all the time! Thank you so much!

Assumption #12: One of us is going to stay home and take care of the house from here on in.

We will still make the hell out of some lemonade, though.

Photo via iStock.


Reality: Some of us might want to be a housewife or husband. Others of us shudder at the thought of giving up our careers, or urging our spouse to give up theirs. Still others of us might want to, but might not be able to forfeit the second income. There's really no right — or standard — way to do it anymore.

Assumption #13: We both have all the same likes, dislikes, preferences, outlooks, and opinions now.

Missy and I have been getting really into '80s ice dancing.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: My wife will never convince me to like jazz. And I will probably never convince her to like "Captain Phillips" fan fiction. And you know what? We're OK with that.

For the things that matter, we're committed to presenting a united front. But we're still individuals with different thoughts, feelings, and opinions about what Tom Hanks was up to two weeks before the Somali pirates attacked, 'cause honestly, that's where the real drama of the story probably is.

Assumption #14: We wear wedding rings.

Help. Someone glued our hands together. Please call the cops.

Photo by TanyaVdB/Pixabay.

Reality: Some of us like wearing a physical symbol of our connection and duty to our spouse. Some of us don't as much. So we don't wear them. But don't worry! We're still extreme double married 5000.

Assumption #15: Making us a pink cake that says "baby" on it is going to change our mind about babies.

Mmmmmmmm. Nope.

Photo by Frosted with Emotion/Flickr.

Reality: It won't. But we will definitely eat that cake.

Assumption #16: Our lives are a lot different now.

Married or not, we still have three more seasons of "Justified" to get through.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Beginning roughly seven seconds after we say, "I do," lots and lots and lots of well-intentioned people ask: "How does it feel?!" seemingly expecting to hear: "So much has changed! We got matching ponies! Being married really is a whole new world!" It feels like we're disappointing them when we answer, "Pretty much the way we did the day before the wedding." Which is silly, since there's no shame in that.

For some couples, life is a lot different after marriage, and that's great. But if stuff is kinda sorta the same, that's OK too! Life was great before. That's why we decided to get married.

Assumption #17: If we're not going to lay out a precise plan for having babies, at least we'll probably get a pet.

Blah.

Photo by Madalena Provo, used with permission.


Reality: OK. This one is true.


This article originally appeared on 11.06.15









From Your Site Articles
newlyweds
Badge
Ocean Wise
Be Ocean Wise
Sustainability

Amazing ocean facts you never learned in school

Not even Captain Ahab knew this much about marine life.

Photo by Milos Prelevic on Unsplash
brown fish beside coral under body of water

The ocean covers more than 70 percent of our planet—yet there’s so much about it that we don’t yet know. Experts, in fact, believe we’ve only explored about five percent of the ocean so far—meaning that most of it remains completely unseen and undiscovered.

What we do know, however, is that the ocean is truly wise. Not only does it sustain all human and animal life on the planet, the creatures under the sea continue to give scientists insight that can transform human lives as well (just read about the amazing axolotl below to see what we mean).

A happy ocean makes for happy, healthy human beings (not to mention a healthy planet)—so this summer we’re helping our friends at Ocean Wise spread the word that no action is too small—holding a cleanup on a local shoreline, for instance. Learning about our ocean and all its wonders is another step anyone can take for conservation, so buckle in and prepare for a tidal wave of info that will blow your mind.

1. Playing music—specifically, recordings of healthy reef soundscapes—can help grow coral reef populations.

live coralsPhoto by QUI NGUYEN on Unsplash

Healthy coral reef populations are filled with diverse sounds, thanks to the fish, snapping shrimp, and other marine life that live there. Scientists have found that playing recorded sounds of healthy reefs actually attract coral larvae, since the sounds indicate a healthy, vibrant habitat. Using this knowledge, scientists have taken recorded reef sounds, played them near degraded reefs, and in doing so, have increased the settlement rates of coral larvae, helping the coral reefs regenerate.

2. Dolphins like to party with pufferfish.

Photo by Talia Cohen on Unsplash

How’s this for a good time? Dolphins, particularly younger ones, have been known to seek out pufferfish to play games with them, chewing on them and passing them back and forth between each other like a hacky sack. Not only is this entertainment for the dolphins, scientists theorize that they may intentionally be trying to get the pufferfish to give off a neurotoxin called tetrodotoxin (TTX)–which is a chemical they release when threatened. This chemical is highly toxic in large doses–but in small quantities, experts think that it might induce a mild, pleasurable effect in the dolphins, similar to a narcotic. Party on.

3. Male humpback whales are total crooners.

A male humpback whale breaches the water.

Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

All humpback whales can vocalize, but male humpback whales actually sing.

During mating season, scientists have observed male humpback whales making sounds that are distinctly different from other humpback calls. Unlike other sounds, these songs have a clear structure, and use small, repetitive “phrases” organized in a specific sequence—in the same way humans sing different verses during a song. Even more amazing? Male humpbacks all sing the same song together in “choruses,” in sessions that last from five minutes to several hours.

4. Axolotls have superpowers (and scientists think it could benefit humans one day).

a couple of animals that are in some waterPhoto by T K on Unsplash

Among biologists, axolotls are known for their ability to regrow lost or damaged tissue. When an adult axolotl loses a limb, they can actually grow it back in just a few months time, thanks to a substance they produce called retinoic acid, which plays a large role in regenerating skin cells. (If the name sounds familiar, it’s because retinoic acid is a derivative of Vitamin A, and it’s commonly found in skin creams.) While we already know that retinoic can make our skin look fabulous, scientists are currently studying whether it could someday help human limbs regrow, similar to the axolotl’s.

5. A healthy ocean can help reverse climate change

green algae underwater photographyPhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

The ocean generates half of the oxygen we breathe and absorbs nearly a third of the world’s carbon emissions. Phytoplankton, the microscopic algae that float near the ocean’s surface, are a big part of the reason why. But there’s another unsung hero—kelp. Unlike phytoplankton, kelp are large seaweeds that grow in dense underwater forests along coastlines, absorbing CO2 and supporting ecosystems. Ocean Wise is helping bring back these powerful carbon sinks one kelp forest at a time.

Help us #BeOceanWise by doing one small thing for ocean conservation in your community (because just one thing can start a huge wave of positive change). Visit ocean.orgfor tips and tricks to keep our oceans healthy because no action is too small.

Art

It took 14 years and 380 global embroiders to make one stunningly meaningful dress

A truly multicultural art project with style touches from 51 different countries.

Photos courtesy of The Red Dress project
Embroiderer Lekazia Turner wearing The Red Dress.

Few things bring people together more beautifully than art. Whether it's music, sculpture, paint or fabric, the arts are a way for us to express ourselves, our cultures and our common humanity. But rarely do we witness one singular piece of art truly encapsulating the creativity of our human family.

At first glance, the dress created for the Red Dress project is quite obviously stunning. It looks as though it could be worn by a royal—though a royal from where? The style, colors and patterns of the dress don't shout any particular country or culture; in fact, we can point to different elements of it and say it looks like it belongs on any continent.

There's a reason for that. The dress is made out of 84 pieces of burgundy silk dupion, which spent 14 years being sent around the world to be embroidered by 380 people from 51 countries—a truly global, multicultural creation.

Of those 380 embroiderers, about a third were commissioned artisans who were paid for their work and receive a portion of all ongoing exhibition fees. The rest were volunteers who contributed their stitches at events in various countries. Approximately 97% of the embroiderers were female.

British textile artist Kirstie Macleod conceived the project in 2009 as "an investigation into identity, with a desire to connect with women from the around without borders and boundaries." The basic design started as a sketch on the back of a napkin and has grown into a tangible garment that is not only a gorgeous work of art but a platform for women around the world and from all walks of life to express themselves and have their voices heard.

As shared on the project's website:

"Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

On Instagram, Kirstie Macleod shared a panel of the dress that was embroidered by two women in Kosovo, who shared some of their reflections on their experiences in the war there.

They stitched words into the birds they embroidered:

"Better one winter in your own country than a hundred springs away."

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little."

"Freedom has come. Love yourself first."

"Love all. Trust some. Hate none."

"A winter is a winter. Be nice, everyone."

"We live in peace now."

The creation of the dress began in 2009 and was completed in 2023. Each woman embroidered a piece of her own story into the dress, which contains millions of stitches. From established professional artisans to first-time embroiderers, the women were encouraged to share something that expressed their personal identities as well as their cultures. Some used traditional embroidery styles that had been practiced for hundreds of years where they are from. Others stitched in meaningful elements of their life stories. Some of the women are also using textile work to rebuild their lives and earn a consistent living.

The dress is on tour, being displayed in museums and galleries around the world. The photos showing women of various ages and ethnicities wearing the dress are made all the more moving knowing the history of how and by whom it was made.

In May 2025, a book detailing the dress's creation and journey around the world was published and can be found here.

Absolutely stunning. What a wonderful idea to connect women in a way that lets them share their stories and showcases and beautifully honors them.

This article first appeared three years ago and has been updated.

From Your Site Articles
art
Badge
All In
Craveable snacks. Quality organic ingredients. Positive community impact.
Joy

5 small things that made us smile this week

Your weekly cheat sheet to the best of the Internet

True


Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a picture so incredibly goofy it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. Unplanned triplets 

@murdockmultiples The first of many family reactions to our spontaneous triplet news! Telling my parents we were expecting spontaneous triplets 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 And yes my dad didn’t understand that “Baby B” meant twins at first 😂 #spontaneoustriplets #tripletreaction #triplets #murdockmultiples #murdocktriplets #surprisetriplets ♬ original sound - Murdock Multiples

Pregnancy reveals are always fun to watch, but this one is three times as exciting. In this viral TikTok clip, these new grandparents get exciting news when their adult daughter tells them she is pregnant with twins. But wait–there’s more. In what’s probably the shock of their lives, she then reveals that, on second glance, there’s a third baby in there. As in, spontaneous triplets. Three babies. Unplanned. Their reaction is both adorable and totally real: “I don’t even KNOW people with triplets!” Congrats, grandpa–you’re the people, now!

2. Little moments of morning joy

This week, the All In crew is polling people on the streets of New York City about small, everyday things in the morning that bring people joy, from gorgeous greenery to the early morning sun catching the light in just the right way. Just listening to these is making us feel super relaxed.

3. This teacher doing the absolute most for Pride Month

@joey_.veres Mr. Folnsbee the ally that you are @nadipowers @lanie @Fatty ♬ suono originale - 𝙎𝙊𝙁𝙏𝙇𝙔

Meet Mr. Folnsbee, a high school teacher from Horseheads, New York who’s taking Pride Month to the next level. In support of Pride Month (and, presumably, the LGBTQIA+ students at his high school), Folnsbee lets students bedazzle his head with rainbow gemstones—so much so that it looks like a giant, glittering Pride flag. Talk about setting a good example for the next generation!

4. The "goodnight" trend 

@sydsacks I’ve been cracking up at this trend so I made Peter call his besties to say goodnight 🤪 #goodnight #besties ♬ original sound - syd

Calling a friend and wishing them goodnight is a sweet gesture, right? What if the person you were calling was someone you haven’t spoken to in years, or someone with whom you’re just a casual acquaintance? That’s what people are doing in this new TikTok “prank,” and the results are so funny they’ll have you crying. They’re also so sweet, as the responses range from being confused but polite, to wanting to have a long conversation, to being genuinely concerned for the caller’s mental health. It might be a “prank,” but it definitely shows how much we all truly need human connection.

5. Spontaneous street singing

This could only happen in New York City. Instagram users @sabrinakvictor and @thecoryterrell — who were strangers before this video — shared a moment recently on a chance meeting in NYC when the two started singing the exact same song. Watch as the two of them vibe out to "Impossible" by James Arthur and try not to smile or sing along as you watch them (it's actually impossible). The joy here is actually contagious—and the harmonies are on point.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Internet

Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Photo credit: Canva

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZFamily baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

@kylies.muse Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Kylie ꩜

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

@blackfluidpoet Replying to @ellens0061 #foryoupage #homealone #fyp #foryou ♬ Slippin' - Re-Recorded - DMX

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZThree generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

@that1crazy72 Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents ♬ original sound - That1crazy72

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

From Your Site Articles
gen x worst grandparents
Women's Health

A gynecologist asked women how visits could be improved. Thousands responded, in detail.

"How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

Photo credit: Canva

Many would agree that gynecology visits could be improved upon.

When picturing a doctor’s office, you might imagine a less than warm atmosphere. Those oh-so-lovely fluorescent lights instantly come to my mind. Imagine if a doctor told you, “I want to design our visit in a way that makes you feel most comfortable.” Suddenly that annual check-up doesn’t sound so dreadful after all.

Dr. Ryan Stewart, a urogynecologist at the Midwest Center for Pelvic Health, recently asked women to weigh in on the redesign of his office. Posting the question to X, he wrote: “I have the opportunity to design my office from scratch. I’m asking women. How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

gynecology, gynecologist, women's health, medicine, OBGYNThe gynecologist's office is a vulnerable place.Photo credit: Canva

His tweet ended with “If I’ve ever had a tweet worthy of virality, it’s this one.”

And boy was he right. His tweet nearly instantly received thousands of replies. Turns out, there are a lot of ways to improve a visit to the gyno.

Including:

Empathy toward sexual trauma

This includes starting the exam off asking if a patient has any trauma, and not dismissing feelings of discomfort, according to commenters.

Improved intimacy

As part of improved privacy, many advocated to not be asked if an intern can observe while the intern is still in the room.

"It's hard to say no to them," one person wrote.

Another added "I'm sitting on the table in the gown and [the gyno] brings in this young guy and says 'you don't mind him observing this do you?' I consented but have been pissed off ever since and never went back to her."

One person mentioned that their current doctor recently swapped the thin, exposing paper gown for spa style robes, adding both privacy and a dash of luxury.

Diverse posters

This suggestion comes aptly timed, as the diagram (above) of a black fetus recently inspired a viral conversation. Many were noting that they had never seen one in medical imagery before.

One person remarked, "I am 53 years old and have never seen myself represented in anything in a doctor's office, even pamphlets. Change that!"

Mental health screenings

Waiting until the clothes are ON to disclose important info

"Don’t discuss care or diagnoses when people are naked," pleaded a commenter in a now-deleted tweet. "I remember how much more respected and comfortable I felt when a new gynaecologist introduced himself to me while I was clothed, did the exam, then had me get dressed and meet him in his office to discuss care! Much better!"

Bottom line: It's already a vulnerable time. Let people have a moment to get comfortable.

One person added "I have always had to specifically ask to be able to talk to my doctor clothed first. Even when I hadn't met that doctor yet. I feel like that should be default, not up to me to ask for. It's such a power imbalance already, don't add unnecessary vulnerability."

Ditching the pink

To some, it's mildly annoying. To others, it's even triggering.

One person tweeted, "I went through a breast cancer scare, & EVERY women's medical office I went to–pink EVERYWHERE. I was at a really terrified moment in my life, & pink, pink, pink. I 100% can't stand it anymore."

Offering pain meds

Potentially painful procedures like IUD insertions or cervical biopsies typically only offer medication upon request. This Twitter user suggested offering them, making it clear that the patient has the option.

More accessibility in the exam and waiting rooms

Tables that lower for those with mobility issues as well as higher waiting room chairs were among the most frequently suggested items.

And lastly … a variety of speculum sizes

gynecology, gynecologist, speculum, OBGYN, women's health, pap smearSpeculums may be metal or plastic, but they're always cold.Photo credit: Canva

""A wide variety of speculum sizes, and introduction to the exam room including a play by play of how the visit will go," wrote one person in a now-deleted tweet. "Most people never get this and the office staff never ask if it’s their first exam and most people wouldn’t disclose fear or stress if they have it."

The general consensus: and while you're at it, warm them up too.

Dr. Stewart’s tweet did receive constructive criticism asking for more inclusion

Dr. Stewart welcomed the insight, sending a follow-up tweet that read:“Folks have [correctly] pointed out that I [incorrectly] said “women” when what I should have said was “folks who may need gynecologic care.” I named the practice with this in mind @midwestpelvis, but I find that I still have a lot of internalized/implicit bias.”

This viral thread might have started a trend. Soon after another medical practitioner tweeted:

“Love urogynecologist Dr. Stewart asking for input on ideal office design and wanted to ask the oncology community something similar: given that no one wants to come to a cancer doctor…what makes the experience MOST comfortable?”

Though Dr. Stewart describes his philosophy online as “I want you to leave every appointment feeling as though you’ve learned more about yourself,” it’s lovely to see that he is equally invested in learning about his patients as well.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

From Your Site Articles
health
Culture

Elder Millennials discuss the major cultural differences they have with 'core' Millennials

"Teddy Ruxpin."

Images via Wikipedia

Elder Millennials reveal the different childhood experiences they had compared to young Millennials.

Millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996, are a generation with wide-ranging childhood experiences. Millennials born in the early 1980s, also known as 'Elder Millennials," had vastly different upbringings than those born in the 1990s.

In a Reddit forum for Millennials, member @_NoleFan6 posed the question: "Elder millennials (81-84), what are some things that separate you from the core/late millennials?"

They continued, "I’m just curious what makes my fellow elder millennials identify more with Gen X? Some things for me are: Being old enough to remember the tail end of the 80s, seeing Terminator 1 before Terminator 2, M.A.S.K. (iykyk), woodgrain VCRs, roller racer, going to see 1989 Batman at the theater, seeing Bo Jackson play, and not accessing the internet until ‘97 (I was 14). How about y’all?"

Many Elder Millennials could relate. They offered up 16 of their childhood experiences and how they differ from younger Millennials.

teddy ruxpin, teddy ruxpin toy, teddy bear, teddy bear 80s, 80s bearTeddy Bear 80S GIFGiphy

"Teddy Ruxpin. I'm a 1982 baby, and the Teddy Ruxpin craze was big when I was around 3 years old in the mid-'80s. I had talking Teddy, his talking friend Grubby, his books, his cassette tapes, his toy air ship and figurines, pajamas, underwear... People who are a few years younger than me don't really know what I am talking about when I mention him." —@KevinTodd82

"Being a latch key kid. And when young millennials don’t understand the turn it up to 11 phrase." —@geopimp1

"I’m an elder and my sister who’s 10 years younger is a core so I see Millennials as her generation not mine really as far as how we grew up. She was in grade 4 when 9-11 happened and I owned my own home. She is who taught me to take a selfie and I still have never used a filter. There’s just so much difference." —@Trick-Coyote-9834

my little pony, saturday morning cartoons, cartoons, 80s cartoons, morning cartoonsMy Little Pony 80S GIFGiphy

"We’re basically the in-between crew. We grew up like younger Gen X (80's Saturday cartoons and toys, landline phones, dial-up internet, tapes) but we hit our teenage and college years just as all the new techs exploded. So we remember life before smartphones and social media, but we adapted to it way faster than Gen X did. Basically, we were young enough to go through the whole switch from analog to digital, so we remember life before the internet but adapted to the online world pretty easily. We relate to Gen X and millennials in different ways, kind of the best of both. That’s why some of us like the term 'Xennials', which is those born between ’77 and ’83 or 84'." —@CedricBeaumont

"Tv before ratings. It was a free for all." —@merylbouw

"tamagotchi. pokemon. grunge." —@WOLFMAN_SPA

"Patchouli oil smell." —@rollbackprices

grunge, grunge music, nirvana, kurt cobain, alternative rockkurt cobain nirvana GIFGiphy

"Grunge. We were a little too young for the breakout albums in 1990-91, but we were the perfect age for the follow-ups in 1993-94 and the broader explosion of 'alternative rock' music in the mid 90s. Sadly, people who are even a little bit younger did not share in this experience, and that’s a bad thing because the music industry took a turn for the worse in the late 90s." —@Appropriate-Topic618

"Never had computer is or video games growing up. Literally grew up outside with no electronics." —@Humbly2022

"Being aware in the 90's." —@DiskSalt4643

90s, 1990s, the 90s, millennials, cluelessAlicia Silverstone Reaction GIFGiphy

"Being an adult when I got my first email address, and 9-11 happened. (A very young one, but still.) Having a truly analog childhood." —@Wild-Sky-4807

"Remembering Desert Storm and the USSR listed on maps in first grade textbooks. Princess Diana's death. MySpace top 8. Making your own websites on angelfire. AskJeeves. Dogpile." —@Ready-Player-Mom

"Michael Jordan. Michael Jackson. Mike Tyson. Michelangelo." —@Due-Set5398

michael jordan, jordan, michael jordan gif, miachael jordan nba, bullsChicago Bulls Dunk GIF by NBAGiphy

"I’m (82) an elder married to a core (88). Music, pop culture and especially kids programming are the main difference. We remember the 90s very differently - I was already too old for the Disney 90s surge of Aladdin and Lion King while she was too young to follow Jordan and the Bulls. I outgrew TGIF by the time Boy Meets World went on the air but she was too young to understand why boys loved Step by Step." —@Quick-Angle9562

"I think the biggest difference is cell phones/social media. Late millennials had smart phones in hs. We didn’t have text messages, and had to wait til after 9 to talk for free." —@walkhardd

"Watching Jurassic Park in the movie theatre 🥹." —@organicbabykale1

From Your Site Articles
elder millennials
Trending Stories