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101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. ("Parks and Recreation," anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old "Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood" videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. ("Steel Magnolias," anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It's not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via "Friends."


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Another school district just shifted to a 4-day week and parents are making themselves heard

America already has fewer school days than most other countries.

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Many school districts are moving to a 4-day week, but there are pros and cons to the approach.

American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries as it is, which poses a big challenge for families with two working parents. In a system designed for the "classic" stay-at-home mom model, it's difficult for many modern families to cover childcare and fulfill their work obligations during the many, many holidays and extra days off American children receive in school.

Some school districts, in fact, are ready to take things one step further with even fewer instructional days: for better or for worse.

Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently made news when it decided to enact a four-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes many parents break out in stress hives, but this four-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? For starters, the pay is bad—but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So, they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools—starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in four-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the four-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media platforms are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the four-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

A study of schools in Iowa that had reduced instructional days found that five-days-a-week students performed better, on average.

Four-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. Of course—"school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we we work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a four-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

kids, school, school days, school week, schedule, 4 day week In a 4-day model, kids often (but not always) receive less instructional time. Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working five-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. Adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal according to expert recommendations.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working four days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

@5th_with_ms.y

Replying to @emory here are my thoughts on my 4day work week as a teacher✨ #foryou #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #foryoupageofficiall #teachersoftiktokfyp #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #teachersbelike #teachertiktok #tik #tiktok #viralllllll #teachertoks #teaching #teacher #tok #viralvideo #teacherlife #viral #trendy #teacher #teaching #worklifebalance #worklife #publicschool #publiceducation #school #student

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified five-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art—you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

In any case, the debate over a shortened school week is not going away any time soon. More districts across the country are doing their research in preparation for potentially making the switch.

Many parents don't theoretically mind the idea of their busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. They're also usually in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a four-day work week as the standard, the four-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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Mom teaches her kids resilliance using the simple but powerful 'walk and be sad' mantra

"We are NOT 'moving on.' We ARE 'moving forward.'"

gentle parenting, parenting, parenting tips, mommy blogger, instagram moms, emotional regulation, teaching kids discipline
via @kelsewhatelse/Instagram, used with permission

A mom shared a simple mantra she uses to teach her kids that they can do hard things.

Recently, a mom named Kelsey Pomeroy shared what she called a "bit of a controversial parenting take." While it might sound prickly at first, it can be a powerful way to teach kids emotional regulation.

It all comes down to this simple mantra: "You can walk and be sad at the same time."

In a video posted to Instagram, Pomeroy used the example of her son, who had recently said he was "too tired" to go to school. Pomeroy knew he'd gotten enough rest the night before and wasn't sick; it was simply more comfortable to stay in bed. So while she acknowledged and validated her son's feelings, she reiterated that important responsibilities, like school, can still get done, even when emotions aren't optimal.

In her caption, Pomeroy argued that a lot of moms and dads who are Team Gentle Parenting get stuck on validating the feeling part. All that rumination can result in "overload" with no real way forward, especially because kids, and even some teens, have "bummer blindness," meaning that every setback feels like a "BIG important crisis."

"We have to actively TEACH and CALIBRATE their new brains to differentiate between BIG bummers and LITTLE bummers," Pomeroy wrote. The "you can feel x and still y" idea helps with that by teaching kids the difference between genuinely needing to push through and knowing when to pull back, something many Millennials and those who came before them never quite learned.

"Many of us never learned where our actual limits were," Pomeroy said in the comments. "Then we became parents and focused hard on emotional intelligence. But in the process, we sometimes robbed our kids of the opportunity to see their potential by unintentionally robbing them of resilience. That is why teaching both emotional intelligence and advocacy, as well as grit, is so important."

Pomeroy also astutely noted that tone means everything. Rather than dismissing, chastising, or being sarcastic, she explained that "it is a loving and motivating 'you can do it, you can do this' tone."

gentle parenting, parenting, parenting tips, mommy blogger, instagram moms, emotional regulation, teaching kids discipline Therapist applying tape to a boy's leg on a treatment table.Photo credit: Canva

"The key is: We are NOT 'moving on.' We ARE 'moving forward.'"

Adults do things while tired and frustrated all the time, Pomeroy argues, making it a "crucial skill that we have to build up in our children."

In the comments, people seemed to wholeheartedly agree.

"Learning how properly to carry every emotion while still function in society is a huge advantage."

"Wise words. Our job is to model and encourage resilience so our kids can be ready for their adult lives. It's the 'and.' We love them, we see them AND they can do hard things."

gentle parenting, parenting, parenting tips, mommy blogger, instagram moms, emotional regulation, teaching kids discipline Smiling child in a striped shirt, flexing arms in a playful muscle pose.Photo credit: Canva

"As a parent who's been stuck in the validating and wallowing with no forward momentum, this is the most common sense parenting advice on the internet. Thank you for providing us with something actionable!!"

"We absolutely must teach them these skills so that they can grow up to function and thrive in the adult world. 👏"

Parenting is about preparing kids for healthy adulthood. Sometimes that means teaching them that they are, in fact, safe to show up even when the good feelings aren't there.

Follow Pomeroy on Instagram for more helpful (and fun) parenting content.

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Communication expert shares 2-step method for talking to people who never admit they're wrong

Here's how to talk through the brick wall.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman can't stand what she's hearing.

Some folks in this world just have to be right. All the time. Even when you present them with every fact imaginable that proves they are wrong, they will resort to any rhetorical tactic they can to make it seem as though they are right. If that doesn't work, they turn to personal attacks.

People like this can be infuriating to deal with because talking to them is like screaming at a wall. Fortunately, communication expert Jefferson Fisher recently shared a two-step method on TikTok for dealing with these impossible people.

Fisher, who has become massively popular online, offers tips "to help people argue less and talk more."

@art_for_feeling

How to handle someone who is always right. 3 steps from @ Jefferson Fisher #power #insporation

Here is Fisher's two-step process for dealing with people who will never admit they are wrong:

Step 1. Diffuse the situation

"Know that the harder we work to prove that they're wrong, the more convinced they are that they're right," he says. "So what you're gonna do is diffuse that by just saying something simple as well, 'maybe you're right,' or 'maybe so.' That diffuses the whole situation."

Step 2. Open the conversation up

Fisher says you can encourage the other person to explore your ideas by saying: "'It's helpful for me to know that you're at least considering my thoughts, even if you don't agree with me.' Now you've made a safe space to have a discussion that's not threatening their identity. That's how you talk to somebody who thinks they're always right. So try that."

coffee, women having coffee, serious talk, women on couch, agreement Two woman having a heart-to-heart conversation. via Canva/Photos

Why identity matters

In his video, Fisher notes that people who won't admit when they are wrong have developed an identity based on always being correct. That's why, when they're confronted with the possibility that they may be incorrect, they will do anything to avoid admitting it.

Research shows that when people feel their identity is being attacked, they perceive it as an affront to their authenticity and value as human beings. This can lead to a physical reaction known as the amygdala hijack, where people feel as if they are being physically threatened. That's a big reason some people get enraged when discussing politics or religion. If their views on these issues are closely tied to their identity and those views are challenged, it can invalidate their entire sense of self.

angry, arms folded, angy man, won't listen, sneer A man who has dug in his heels. via Canva/Photos

The 'backfire effect'

Fisher explains that the harder we try to prove someone wrong, the more convinced they become they're right, due to a psychological phenomenon known as the "backfire effect." When people are shown facts that clearly contradict their views, they often cling to those beliefs even more strongly. That's because those beliefs are tied to emotion, not facts. When their views are challenged, it triggers defensiveness, and the brain works to protect their self-image rather than reconsider the belief.

Getting through to stubborn people who always think they're right isn't easy, but Fisher's advice can help break through the wall they erect when their beliefs are challenged. It's good for you and the other person. When you're never wrong, you never learn from your mistakes, and that can quickly lead to problems far worse than admitting you were wrong.

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15 English words that instantly change from nouns to verbs with a simple shift in our voice

English isn't a tonal language, but in this case, it kind of feels like one.

present, presentation, linguistics, words, nouns, verbs
Photo credit: Canva

The different stresses on "present" and "present" determine whether it's a noun or a verb.

When native English speakers try to learn tonal languages like Chinese, Thai, or Navajo, it can take a while to get the hang of it. The idea that the same syllables spoken in a different tone can change the meaning of a word is a foreign concept in English, where we shift our tone and pitch in all kinds of ways without any change in actual word definitions.

But that doesn't mean tone or pitch plays no role in English word meanings. Changing our tone and pitch to stress different syllables does change the meaning of a surprising number of words. Interestingly, there's a whole bunch of two-syllable words that follow a rule of sorts, where stressing the first syllable makes the word a noun and stressing the second makes it a verb.

For example, the word "conduct." Stress the first syllable, using a higher tone or pitch at the start, and you get CON-duct, a noun meaning "behavior." Emphasize the second syllable instead, and it becomes con-DUCT, a verb meaning "to carry out" or "to lead."

And there are so many more:

  • PERmit vs. perMIT
  • PREsent vs. preSENT
  • INsult vs. inSULT
  • OBject vs. obJECT
  • REject vs. reJECT
  • SUSpect vs. susPECT
  • CONflict vs. conFLICT
  • CONvict vs. conVICT
  • CONvert vs. conVERT
  • IMport vs. imPORT
  • RECord vs. reCORD
  • PROtest vs. proTEST
  • PROduce vs. proDUCE
  • ADDress vs. addRESS

What kind of rule is this? Why do all of these words change from a noun to a verb simply by changing which syllable we stress?

- YouTube youtu.be

Interestingly, these words function as both nouns and verbs, but there's a bigger picture when it comes to syllable stress and its relationship to word meaning. As Coffee Break Languages shares:

"Research into English word stress has shown that around 90% of two-syllable nouns are stressed on the first syllable. So when we see a two-syllable noun, we can be quite confident the word will be stressed on the first syllable."

We see that pattern in words like APple, LIon, ORange, PERson, TEAcher, and WINdow.

"Research also shows that around 70% of two-syllable verbs are stressed on the second syllable," they add. "We need to be more careful with verbs, but still most of them are stressed on the second syllable so we can make an educated guess here if necessary. For example, the words agREE, colLECT, deFEND, enJOY imPROVE, and perFORM follow that pattern."

These are the kinds of patterns most native English speakers aren't specifically taught, but people learning English as a second language have to learn. And because English doesn't use stress punctuation like accent marks, vocal stress has to be figured out entirely from context.

Again, English isn't a tonal language, but is this really an example of the way tonal languages function?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Not exactly. Tone, pitch, and stress are distinct linguistic elements, and they overlap in ways that aren't always easy to explain. You can get into the weeds pretty quickly when diving into the role each element plays in different languages. (If you really want to dig in, there's an excellent description of how different categories of languages utilize tone, pitch, and stress on Linguistic Stack Exchange. It's pretty interesting.)

It's not exactly a secret that English has a lot of odd rules, exceptions to rules, and one-off cases that many of us don't even know are rules. Every language has its inconsistencies, but English is famous for them. All the more reason to always be gracious with those who are learning.

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The magical 1982 Genesis reunion with Peter Gabriel was actually to save him from crushing debt

Gabriel found himself in an alarming situation, receiving “horrible phone calls and death threats” from his creditors.

Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, genesis, reunion concert, genesis reunion, musicians, live performances
Photo credit: Philippe Roos via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic (left, cropped) / Theo Blonk via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International (right, cropped)

Genesis reunited with Gabriel in 1982 to help save their former singer from his debt.

On March 26, 2022, as the final seconds ticked away from Genesis’ farewell tour, the crowd at London’s O2 Arena was clearly emotional. The prog-pop band’s most famous lineup—front man Phil Collins, guitarist/bassist Mike Rutherford, and keyboardist Tony Banks—had finally reunited after a 13-year hiatus (and a temporary pandemic delay), and no one wanted this improbable run to end. But there may have been another reason for the sadness: a glaring absence onstage.

Peter Gabriel had co-founded the band in 1967, helping catapult them to rock glory with his golden rasp and surreal stage antics, before leaving in 1975 to launch a solo career. Collins, previously the drummer, got the promotion to lead singer, leading the group through the commercial heights of “Mama” and “Invisible Touch.” Hardcore prog fans pined to hear Gabriel sing Genesis again, but outside of a few powerful one-offs—a tease of their epic “Dancing With the Moonlit Knight” during a 2016 solo tour, a 1999 re-recording of their starry-eyed ballad “The Carpet Crawlers”—that door remained shut.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Now here he was at the O2, seated among the commoners, with an opportunity to help bring the Genesis story full-circle. Instead, he took the unselfish (if, let’s face it, slightly unsatisfying) route: avoiding the spotlight and letting his former bandmates enjoy the curtain call they’d rightly earned. (“Me going was a rite of passage, really,” the singer told Mojo in 2023. “I’d been part of the creation of Genesis, so I wanted to be there at the end.”)

Here’s the thing, though: A lot of casual fans forget that Gabriel had already reunited with Genesis for an entire show—it just happened 20 years earlier. Oh, and it occurred not because of rosy nostalgia but due to mounting debt and death threats.

The reunion stemmed from the financial disaster of the first WOMAD

Gabriel staged the inaugural WOMAD (World of Music, Arts, and Dance) in July 1982, with the noble vision of sparking genuine cultural fusion. The three-day event featured British post-punk (Echo and the Bunnymen, Pigbag) and art-rock (Peter Hammill, Robert Fripp), traditional Irish folk (The Chieftains), Indian sitar players (Imrat Khan), Afro-Caribbean dance companies (Ekomé)—a legit anything-goes atmosphere that remains novel at music festivals decades later, let alone in the early days of MTV. "I [wanted] to celebrate all these fantastic musicians, art, dance, film from around the world that weren't getting exposure,” Gabriel told filmmaker John Edginton in a raw-footage clip filmed for his 2014 documentary, Genesis: Together and Apart. He had big dreams for WOMAD, and, as he noted in the 2007 book Genesis: Chapter and Verse, the first fest was “magnificent.”

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"We put it on during school time, so there were a lot of schools working on projects about world music; it was very exciting, fresh, passionate,” he said. “But the people just didn’t come. There was a rail strike that weekend, and even though we thought we had enough names to pull in an audience, we were hopelessly under each day, and suddenly realized the financial consequences.”

Gabriel found himself in an alarming situation, receiving “horrible phone calls and death threats” from his creditors. “It was a very oppressive nightmare,” he said. Luckily, his old band stepped in—not that anyone involved would have chosen the reunion without this dire prompt.

By 1982, Gabriel had been enjoying a successful solo career, crafting artful pop songs and studio experiments while tinkering with new recording technology (the Fairlight CMI sampling synthesizer, for one). He had little interest in looking backward—outside of a couple early solo tours where he was forced to play a Genesis song or two due to a lack of material, he’d more or less distanced himself from his old band. (His debut single, “Solsbury Hill,” is about his desire to leave Genesis—and the music business entirely. “I felt like I was just in the machinery,” he told Rolling Stone, citing a lyric. “We knew what we were going to be doing in 18 months or two years ahead. I just did not enjoy that.”) The band, meanwhile, had soldiered on just fine without their original front man, growing into a stadium act with Collins behind the mic.

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"It made sense to us"

When manager Tony Smith reached out to Genesis, seeing if they could help Gabriel escape his dark spiral with a one-off benefit reunion, everyone felt it was the right thing to do. “Whether or not he felt he needed our help to get himself out of trouble, it made sense to us,” Collins wrote in Chapter and Verse, “and it certainly was not a condescending gesture.” Banks added that, beyond the kind act of helping their friend, it made sense as an act of fan service: “People had been asking us to organize some sort of get-together for years and years, and this seemed a very good reason to do it, at the same time as helping Peter pay off this particular debt. We did need a reason because it wasn’t something we were itching to do."

It’s not like they hated each other: Collins had even played on Gabriel’s self-titled 1980 solo album, helping create the distinctive “gated” drum sound that became ubiquitous throughout the decade. But it was a somewhat awkward fit musically, given how far their respective sounds had diverged. "Having tried for seven years to get away from the image of being ex-Genesis, there's obviously a certain amount of stepping back," Gabriel reportedly told NME ahead of the show. "I don't think they would choose at this point to work with me … [but] I’m very grateful and I'm intending to enjoy myself."

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The problem was how to solve their logistical puzzle—Genesis was only still playing a few of their Gabriel-era songs, and their old front man wasn’t up to speed on any of them. They managed to arrange two or three rehearsals at London’s Hammersmith Odeon, where Genesis played a triple-header on September 28th, 29th, and 30th. The quirky set drew from Gabriel’s time in the lineup, sprinkling in one solo cut (“Solsbury Hill,” ironically) and a single '80s-era track (“Turn It on Again,” with Gabriel on second drums). Understandably, the performances were rather loose—not up to anyone’s respective standards—and the massive downpour of rain probably didn’t improve anyone’s mood.

But in the widely shared bootlegs of that show, fans were just happy to see everyone on stage again. They even saw a brief reunion of the full ‘70s quintet lineup: Former guitarist Steve Hackett, who learned about the event while on vacation in Brazil, flew back to the U.K. to play on “I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)” and “The Knife.” "As they’d already rehearsed up their stuff, I was only able to join the encores,” he wrote in his 2020 book, A Genesis in My Bed, “but I was thrilled to be involved with the team once more."

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“It felt like a bit of a dream”

It’s easy to look back on the gig with a what-if feeling. Could they have somehow figured out more rehearsal time? (Probably not.) Should they have professionally recorded the event, no matter how sloppy they expected it to be? (Definitely.) “I regret it now, but I was keen not to record the show,” Rutherford wrote in his 2015 memoir, The Living Years. “I thought it would be a bit rough and ready and that it was better to be there and in the moment.”

Ultimately, what matters is that with Six of the Best, Genesis accomplished their primary goal: rescuing their old friend from a terrifying plight.

“It felt like a bit of a dream,” Banks wrote in Chapter and Verse. “I was very glad when it was over, because I hadn’t particularly enjoyed playing that stuff at the time. I always tended to be into what we were doing either at the time or whatever the next thing was. I was pretty glad to have left some of those old songs behind. But the audience reaction was very good, and I believe that show did go some way to sorting out Peter’s financial problem; now WOMAD is a monster thing.”

Indeed. The festival re-emerged stronger in the mid-’80s and has continued annually—without death threats—ever since.

Gabriel might have been watching the final Genesis show, but he was on stage in spirit. Collins gave him a shout-out during the set, and the band wrapped this historic occasion with their swirling ballad “The Carpet Crawlers,” a track Gabriel helped craft for his Genesis swan song, 1974’s The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway.

Few major rock bands have replaced one iconic singer with another. Even fewer have done it by promoting from within. And while Genesis achieved such longevity because of their songwriting—the imagination, the color, the dynamics—perhaps that familial spirit had something to do with it. They weren’t always on the same page, musically or otherwise—but as Six of the Best proved, they came through for each other when it mattered most.

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