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101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. ("Parks and Recreation," anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old "Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood" videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. ("Steel Magnolias," anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It's not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via "Friends."

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

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Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks
Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

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In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

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Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Humor

The weird history of Spoonerisms: English's silliest slips-of-the-tongue

No, these slip-ups don't mean you have drain bamage.

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Bain News Service/Wikimedia Commons & Leslie Ward/Wikimedia Commons

When you accidentally flip the beginning or ending sounds of two words when speaking, that's a Spoonerism.

We all make mistakes when speaking off the cuff. Sometimes we flub a word, stutter, or forget the point we were trying to make. Other times, our slip-ups are far more hilarious, like when we unwittingly swap the beginning or ending sounds of two words in a sentence.

"I'm going to bead a rook," or "I'll see you at Brunday Sunch," may seem like random gaffs, but they are actually a well-documented phenomenon with a strange history and an official, if goofy-sounding, name: Spoonerisms.

It all started with a man named William Archibald Spooner in the 1800s.

Spooner, a tutor and eventually Dean at New College of Oxford, was initially known for his kindness—even though he was also a little odd.

spoonerism, william archibald spooner, w.a. spooner, english language, english, language, words, diction, phoneticse New College, Oxford; the birthplace of the SpoonerismHoncques Laus/Wikmedia Commons

"One touching story describes how Spooner insisted on providing an Egyptian student with extra blankets and warm clothes, as the boy was struggling with the British climate. Another tells of a student who had injured himself while playing hockey. Spooner paid for his medical expenses, as his family could not afford them. Spooner’s odd behaviour could be off-putting at times, but he had his students’ best interests at heart" writes Sami Anderson-Talbi for New College.

Soon after, however, he began to be known for something else: His absent-mindedness and a tendency to flub his words in a peculiar manner. These were quickly dubbed Spoonerisms by his students, and the legend grew rapidly.

Anderson-Talbi writes that a Spoonerism is defined as, "the unintentional mix-up of parts or words, thoughts, and phrases, often resulting in humorous phrases or situations."

Documented Spoonerisms include referring to a "Dr. Childe's Friend" as "Dr. Friend's child," and warning a group of undergraduate students about the "weight of rages" (rate of wages). But soon, Spooner's reputation for misspeaking grew and more and more examples came to light. Some of them were apocryphal, others were complete fiction, including:

"It is kisstomary to cuss the bride." (It is customary to kiss the bride.)
"You have hissed all my mystery lectures." (You have missed all my history lectures.)
"You have tasted two worms." (You have wasted two terms.)
"Sew me to another sheet." (Show me to another seat.)
"The Lord is a shoving leopard." (The Lord is a loving shepherd.)

But at that point, the reputation stuck.

spoonerism, william archibald spooner, w.a. spooner, english language, english, language, words, diction, phonetics Sadly, Spooner wasn't a huge fan of his silly reputation.Bain News Service/Wikimedia Commons

Spoonerisms were far from an inside joke on the Oxford campus. In 1924, Spooner wrote in his diary that he met an American woman who was thrilled to meet a "celebrity" such as himself.

In fact, the mythical power of Spoonerisms was so strong that Spooner is said to have spoken extremely slowly with many pauses in an effort to make fewer mistakes. But his thought process was also evident in his writings, with many words crossed out and paragraphs rife with errors. "Spooner’s mind seemed to move at a pace faster than his mouth—or in this case pen—could keep up with," writes Anderson-Talbi.

Spooner was not a fan of his reputation for Spoonerisms, and after one speech, sighed and announced, "And now I suppose you will expect me to say one of those things."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Language Testing International writes that Spoonerisms can be caused by any number of factors. Most commonly, rushing or being distracted when speaking can lead to mixing up your words. So can a sort of computing error in your brain, where the sentence you were planning on saying changes at the very last second and the words come out mixed up. Spoonerisms can also show up more when you're tired, or in children, who have to work harder to focus on correct diction.

It's not just English, either. Different languages have Spoonerisms too.

Frequent Spoonerisms can also sometimes be anecdotally linked to disabilities like Dyslexia or ADHD. Difficulties with speech or any condition where someone's brain is moving "faster" than their mouth can manifest in slip-ups like Spoonerisms.

Ultimately, however, we are all guilty of the occasional Spoonerism. And though Spooner himself didn't love that the flubs were officially named after him, he may have felt better if he knew how much laughter and delight we all get out of each other's Spoonerisms today.

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Science

8th grader's award-winning experiment finally reveals if a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's

You've heard the myth. Now read the science.

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science

Photo credit: Canva

A young teen boy holding a beagle.

Dogs come in a wide variety of breeds, along with their own unique personalities and needs. They can be guardians, helpful workers, loyal friends, snuggly companions, but there's one thing almost all dogs have in common: Licking.

Sure, some dogs lick way more than others, but it's rare to find a dog who never licks anyone or anything. Many dogs communicate and show affection by licking, which is sweet—if a little gross—depending on how slobbery they are. There's a common saying that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans', which is a bit hard to believe when you see what some dogs put in their mouths, but it is true?

What does science say about dog tongues and saliva? Is a dog licking our face something we should worry about?

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A man being licked by a golden retreiver. Photo credit: Canva

It turns out, the answer to whether a dog's mouth is cleaner than ours isn't super straightforward.

An 8th grader named Abby tackled this question in a science experiment that won her a Young Naturalists Award from the American Museum of Natural History in 2011. Her family had gotten a dog and her mom kept telling her not to let the dog lick her face because dog mouths are full of bacteria. Instead of arguing, Abby decided to find out herself if this was true.

"I hypothesized that human tongues would be cleaner than dog tongues," she wrote. "I thought this because humans brush their teeth at least once a day. I hypothesized that dogs' tongues would be dirty because they were always licking dirty things like garbage."

After diving into the research about bacteria that live in and on humans and dogs, Abby decided she had a testable hypothesis. But this wasn't any old middle school science experiment. She applied for and got a grant to the State Hygienic Lab at the University of Iowa, where she was assigned a mentor to work with her.

You can read the nitty-gritty details of her experiment here, but it involved a lab, swabs, agar plates, and more. Here was the conclusion:

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A dog's tongue close-up. Photo credit: Canva

"I concluded that dog and human mouth flora are very different. (Flora means the bacteria found in a mouth or anywhere else.) The bacteria found in human mouths are more similar to another human's oral bacteria than the bacteria found in a dog's mouth.

"I also concluded that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans' in some ways, and dirtier in other ways. Humans have more bacteria in their mouths than dogs do, based on the total number of bacteria. Most of the humans had a 'moderate' number of bacteria, and most of the dogs had 'few' bacteria. A possible explanation of this might be that dogs pant a lot, and maybe while panting, bacteria falls off their tongues along with their saliva. But dogs had more types of bacteria. The average number of different bacterial colonies in a dog's mouth was about 5.7. The average number of different bacterial colonies in a human's mouth was about 4.1. I think this is so because dogs sniff and lick a variety of things, like carpets, floors, chairs, grass, etc., so they pick up bacteria from many places."

But what about the licking of our faces? That's a bit of a subjective call, but Abby's results gave her some peace of mind:

"In conclusion, will I let my dog continue to lick me? The answer to the question is yes!" she wrote. "I will feel guiltless about letting my dog lick me because I found out that human and dog oral bacteria are different, so my dog's oral bacteria present no harm to me."

What do the experts say?

According to Colin Harvey, professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Veterinary Medicine and executive secretary at the American Veterinary Dental College, comparing dogs' mouths to humans' mouth is "like comparing apples to oranges." As Abby found, the microbes in a dog's mouth are very different than those in a human's.

The American Kennel Club elaborates:

"Most of the bacteria in your dog’s mouth aren’t zoonotic, which means you probably won’t get a disease from a big old doggy kiss. There are exceptions to this. Dogs that eat a raw diet are at an increased risk of contracting salmonella, which can be spread to humans. You also probably shouldn’t share kisses with a dog that regularly raids the litter box.

In other words, kissing your dog is less risky than kissing another human, but that doesn’t mean that your dog’s mouth is necessarily cleaner than a human’s—they just have a mostly incompatible set of germs."

Keeping your dog's mouth healthy through regular teeth cleaning and dental check-ups can also help prevent issues that could potentially come from dog licks.

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A golden retreiver getting their teeth brushed. Photo credit: Canva

So there you have it. If your dog doesn't eat a raw diet and doesn't go snacking in the cat box (or some other equally fecal-bacteria-ridden place), their kisses are probably not going to hurt you. Guilt-free pooch smooches for the win!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Education

'Never disagree with anyone': Behavioral scientist shares conflict-free trick to changing minds

Never start with disagreement.

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via Canva/Photos

People debating at a city council meeting.

One of the most challenging things to do as a communicator is to convince someone you disagree with to listen to you. You’re fighting against a host of psychological phenomena that prevent people from changing their minds or listening to those with whom they disagree. Persuasion is incredibly difficult because we’ve evolved to cling to our views no matter what.

One of the most pronounced psychological blockages is the backfire effect, which states that when people are confronted with information that challenges their opinion, even if it is indisputable, they will hold onto their views even more strongly than before.

So, what are we to do in a world where there is so much misinformation and zombie lies flying around? Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business School who studies conversation and emotion, shares the key to having a constructive dialogue with people we disagree with is: Don’t invalidate them.

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The moment we invalidate someone by saying, “I disagree,” we’ve killed our chance at persuading them. Dr. Books believes that changing people’s beliefs is important, but it only happens over time. So, it's pointless to disagree at the onset of the conversation. “The only way that we change our beliefs is usually across many conversations and we're around someone we like talking to and respect and have admiration for. And then over time, we sort of bend to the gentle pressure of their differing viewpoint,” she told Bartlett.

Dr. Brooks shared her strategy in a recent appearance on the Diary of a CEO podcast with Steven Bartlett.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Three steps to disagreeing with someone without invalidating them

1. You don’t need to be certain

“Even if you're right, like it's not about being right or wrong in that moment. The goal here is to keep the conversation in an emotional place where it can continue. So, you can continue to engage. And that's what these researchers find in this receptiveness recipe,” Dr. Books said. The receptiveness recipe is a research project by Harvard and the University of British Columbia that created a formula for the most effective way to disagree with someone.

2. Hedge your claims

“I think often people think of these types of things as weakness because it's like our instinct is to try to win and be right. And instead, what I'm saying is no, hedge your claims. Show that you're uncertain about stuff. Validate their feelings. Divide yourself into disagreeing parts because you're not certain about anything, in order to keep the conversation going, so that you have any shred of hope of persuading them over the longer term.”

If they say the sky is purple:

“That’s interesting. I'd love to hear more.”

“As a painter, who knows a bit about color, that is so intriguing.”

The key is to make it an emotionally safe dialogue and show you’re interested in what they have to say. In turn, they'll be more receptive to your thoughts.

argument, debate, coworkers, art, questions, why Two coworkers debate each other.via Canva/Photos

3. Hold back your disagreement

“I wrote this chapter in my book called 'Do Not Disagree.' It's an intentionally provocative chapter because people think, ‘What do you mean, never disagree with anybody?’ But I mean, don't make the first thing you say 'I disagree,'" Bartlett adds.

“That's right. It can come later,” Dr. Books added. “It can come later, but first has to come like ‘Oh, it's so intriguing that you said that. I'm so fascinated, and it makes sense that you might feel that way. I wonder if…’ and then you can go on instead of ‘I disagree.’”

Ultimately, the key is understanding that changing someone’s mind takes time and is nearly impossible if we shut down the conversation by invalidating them. By delaying the instant gratification of saying, “You’re wrong! I got you, here are the facts,” you can create a space where they are more open to listening to what you have to say. You've validated their beliefs, so they'll be more likely to consider yours.

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Education & Information

Two states dominate the 2026 'Best Places to Retire' list, but the top city isn't in either of them

Who would have guessed the best place to retire in the U.S. would be in Michigan?

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Where will you retire?

If you're fortunate enough to live long enough to stop working and enjoy your golden years in retirement, you may start to wonder where you want to spend them. When you're no longer tied to a place by a job or family obligations, and you're looking for the best bang for your buck along with the amenities you want and need, it's natural to begin searching for the best places to retire.

Many people's first thought when it comes to retirement is "south," which is why some of the places on the U.S. News & World Report’s 2026 list of "Best Places to Retire in the U.S." may come as a surprise. While the rankings are dominated by Florida and Texas, those two states account for only a little over half of the Top 20. Many of the remaining cities, including the No. 1 spot, are located in the northern part of the country, in places that are decidedly not warm come wintertime.

The list was compiled using criteria such as quality of life, overall value, tax rates, senior population/migration trends, and health care quality. Let's go through the Top 10:

1. Midland, Michigan

If you've never heard of Midland, that's probably because it has a population of less than 43,000 people. However, the median home price is just north of $200,000 and rent isn't even $800, so your retirement dollar would go pretty far there. The small city sits at the confluence of two rivers and is also the home of Dow Chemical. Do with that information what you will.

2. Weirton, West Virginia

We're going even smaller for No. 2. Weirton has less than 19,000 people and a median home value of just over $124,000, making it uber affordable. Rent will set you back around $550. And it's only about a 40-minute drive to Pittsburgh, so if you get bored, you can always hit the bigger city.

3. Homosassa Springs, Florida

Ever heard of this one? It has a population of about 15,000 (they're really pushing the small-town retirement angle here) and a median home value of around $219,000. Located in western Florida between Tampa and the Panhandle, the town is home to a state wildlife park, and is undoubtedly warmer than the first two places on the list.

4. The Woodlands, Texas

The Woodlands is a bit bigger, crossing into six-figure population territory at just over 116,000 residents. We also see a jump in home prices in this suburb of Houston, though, with a median price of $474,000 and average rent a bit over $1,400. The city's website refers to it as a "destination whose culture and offerings rival the nation's largest and most vibrant cities," so that sounds promising.

5. Spring, Texas

With a population of around 68,000, Spring is close to, but more affordable than, The Woodlands, with a median home price of about $251,000. Rent isn't much lower, though, at just over $1,300. Definitely look into buying a house instead of renting if this is where you choose to spend your retirement.

6. Rio Rancho, New Mexico

rio rancho, new mexico, best places to retire, retirement, aging Rio Rancho, New Mexico.G. Edward Johnson/Wikimedia Commons

Moving west, Rio Rancho is a northern suburb of Albuquerque. It's home to about 108,000 people, and the median home value is about $310,000. Rent runs about $1,200. If that classic Southwest feel is your thing, this is where to go.

7. Spring Hill, Florida

Lost of springs on this list, eh? If you're looking for a 100,000+ population without a significantly higher cost of living, Spring Hill gives you the best bang for your bigger-city buck. (Not that 100,000 is a big city by most standards, but it's not a small town either.) The median home price is just over $300,000, and rent comes in a little above $1,100.

8. Altoona, Pennsylvania

Altoona is the least expensive place to live among the Top 10, with a median home price under $115,000. (Did anyone know there were still places with home prices like that anymore?) The city has a population of about 43,000, and median rent sits around $660. Not too shabby, price-wise. Not sure what people do in Altoona, but it's probably affordable.

9. Palm Coast, Florida

palm coast, florida, ocean, coast, retirement Palm Coast is on the eastern coast of Florida.Wikimedia Commons/Lance Asper

Palm Coast just sounds like a place to retire, doesn't it? Located on Florida's east coast, north of Daytona Beach, Palm Coast has a median home price close to $380,000 and rent approaching $1,500. It's not the most affordable spot in the Top 10, but hey, palm trees, right?

10. Lynchburg, Virginia

Named for Quaker John Lynch and founded in 1757, Lynchburg is the oldest city in the top places to retire, so if history is your thing, this would be a good option. With about 80,000 residents, it's neither a small town nor a large city, and with a median home price under $224,000 and rent just over $900, it's affordable, too.

Here's how the rest of the Top 20 rounds out:

11. Bismarck, North Dakota

12. Victoria, Texas

13. Palm Harbor, Florida

14. Rochester Hills, Michigan

15. Troy, Michigan

16. Sioux Falls, South Dakota

17. Pearland, Texas

18. Naples, Florida

19. Pensacola, Florida

20. Conroe, Texas

Again, lots of Florida and Texas, but a surprising showing from Michigan and the Dakotas, too.

retirement, retired couple, park, relaxation, where to retire Retirement looks different in different places. Photo credit: Canva

What should people consider when they're looking for a place to retire?

U.S. News & World Report used its own criteria to compile this list, but what should the average person look for when thinking about where they might want to retire? Kiplinger's "A New Guide to Choosing Where to Retire" shares five considerations to keep in mind:

1. Local tax rates

States tax retirement income differently, and property taxes vary widely from place to place. Because retirees need to stretch their retirement funds carefully, taxes are an important factor to look into and understand before settling somewhere.

2. Health care

As we age, our health care needs often change and increase. Additionally, health insurance for retirees may have local limitations, so it's important to make sure your plan lines up well with wherever you end up. The quality of doctors and specialists, along with access to medical facilities, are also big considerations.

3. Lifestyle suitability

Are you active and adventurous? Do you want easy access to cultural experiences and the arts? Do you desire peace and quiet? Is sunshine and warmth important to you? Do you want to garden year-round? Do you plan to travel and want to live near a major airport? All you have is time when you're retired, so thinking through how you'll want to spend it is key.

beach, coast, ocean, retirement, retired couple What kind of environment do you want to be in when you retire?Photo credit: Canva

4. Climate risks

In the 21st century, the way climate change affects different regions is a major consideration. Places prone to natural disasters like wildfires, floods, and hurricanes may be less appealing as those events become more frequent and intense.

5. Sense of community

Who you spend time with matters, and having a sense of community can make a big difference in how your days feel. In retirement, having a community can also help you have a more regular schedule as you set up routine times to get together with others, volunteer, or otherwise be socially active.

Whether you're close to it or just thinking ahead, there's a lot to consider when it comes to where you retire.

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