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The not-so-secret travel hacking 'game' that allows you to travel the world for free

Free to learn, complex to play and totally worth it.

The not-so-secret travel hacking 'game' that allows you to travel the world for free
Photo by Serey Kim on Unsplash

The points and miles game is free to learn, complex to play, but totally worth it.

If you have friends who post drool-worthy photos of luxury resorts in beautiful, tropical places and you wonder how on Earth they can afford such amazing vacations, there are four main possibilities: 1) They're rich; 2) They saved up for a long time and splurged; 3) They went into debt to make it happen; 4) They spent far less than you think—perhaps close to nothing—because your friends know how to play the travel hacking game.

If No. 4 intrigues you, buckle up, because I'm about to take you on a mindblowing trip through Travel Hacking Land. But before we embark, I want to make something clear: Everything I'm about to share with you is legitimate, legal and honest. I say that upfront because often people's initial response when I describe how travel hacking works is, "That sounds sketchy." They usually respond with 1) This is a scam, or 2) This is unethical. Neither is true. More on that shortly.

Luxury travel is far more doable than you might think. Photo by Paolo Nicolello on Unsplash


Okay, off we go!

Welcome to Travel Hacking Land, where if you learn to play the game well, you get to travel for free.

A few things to keep in mind as we take this tour:

1. Think of travel hacking as a game rather than a "hack." Like any game, the more strategies you master, the better you get at playing.

2. The game is simple in concept, but complex in practice. Don't expect to walk away from this article knowing exactly how to book a free trip to Europe. There's a fairly steep learning curve, but speaking from experience, it's 100% worth the time to learn it.

3. (Almost) anyone can play. If you have a good credit score, you can play this game. (That being said, people with more spending power will be able to play it faster. No way around that really.)

4. Be ready to unlearn some things. Most of us come into the game with major misconceptions about how credit card points and airline miles work.

5. It truly is as mindblowing as it sounds. Yes, the people who play this game really do travel the world regularly—often in luxury—for free or nearly free. No, it's not an exaggeration. (I'm not selling anything here, by the way—I love to travel, I love saving money and I love strategy games, so this hobby just hits all my happy buttons.)

Also, I didn't make any of this up or figure it out on my own. I learned it from Bryce Conway, founder of 10xTravel, a website where anyone can learn all the ins and outs of this game and see how other people are playing it. (10xTravel Insiders is also the largest and most active Facebook group dedicated to this game, with more than 113,000 members, so Conway definitely is the go-to expert in this space.)

As we take our tour through Travel Hacking Land, I'll share what Conway says about how the game works and what anyone who's interested in it needs to know.

The travel hacking game is played with three main pieces: credit card points, hotel points and airline miles.

On a basic level, the goal of the travel hacking game is to optimize credit card points, hotel loyalty points and airline miles and make the most of how those award systems work and interact with each other. You have to understand these pieces of the game to strategize using them.

The first thing to understand is that credit card points are the most powerful pieces in the game. Everything else stems from there.

Each credit card grouping (Chase, American Express, Citibank, Capital One, etc.) has its own points-earning system. You earn points by spending with a credit card (i.e., "earn 1% cash back on purchases") or by signing up for new cards and qualifying for sign-up bonuses ("spend $4000 in the first three months and get 100,000 bonus points"). Most of us most likely have points-earning cards of some sort, because they're so common.

Generally speaking, the cash value of a credit card point is one cent, so 100,000 points would have a cash value of $1,000. If I have 100,000 Chase points, for instance, I can trade those in for $1,000 cash back.

That's exactly what I used to do—get cash back for the points I earned on my Chase cards—and I thought it was pretty awesome. Now I kick myself for it because those points are sooooo much more valuable when used in the points/miles game for travel.

Credit card points become more valuable when they are transferred to travel partners.

Transferring credit card points to airline or hotel partners greatly increases their value.

Photo by Trac Vu on Unsplash

As I said, the game is complex, and there's no way to explain it all in one article. But here's one example of what it means to optimize the points and miles systems.

Recently I wanted to buy a one-way ticket on Southwest airlines. The cash price for the ticket was $88, but I could get the exact same ticket for 4,400 Southwest Rapid Rewards miles.

Southwest is a travel partner with Chase, which means I can transfer my Chase points to Southwest and they count as Rapid Reward miles. 4,400 Chase points would be worth $44 if I got cash back for them, but if I transfer them to Southwest to purchase that $88 ticket, I've just doubled the value of those points.

Double the value is pretty good, right? But that's just scratching the surface. As another example, with 100,000 Chase points, I could get $1,000 cash back or I could transfer those points to Hyatt and get four nights at the Grand Hyatt resort in Kauai—which, on the dates I just looked up in August, would cost $900/night cash. So for $1,000 worth of points, I could get a $3,600 stay at a luxury resort. Almost quadrupled their value.

But keep in mind, I'm not actually even paying that $1,000 out of pocket. These are points I earned for free, just by signing up for and using my credit card (on things I'm spending money on anyway) to earn points.

When people say they're traveling for free, this is what they mean.

If you want to play the points/miles travel hacking game, you can learn how for free.

I had a vague understanding of airline miles and credit card points before taking Conway's 10xTravel course. I'd used frequent flyer miles before and my husband and I have used credit cards for everything (paying them off every month—that's vitally important) to earn points for cash.

I don't even remember now what made me click on the course, but I'm so glad I did. There are multiple travel hacking websites and courses out there, but I appreciated the way Conway laid the whole thing out and that he was totally upfront about how he makes his money with a free course. (Basically, he asks that course participants use his credit card referral links if/when they start getting into the game, which is beyond fair for the amount of knowledge the course provides.)

Conway started puzzling out the game himself when he was in college, when there were only a handful of online forums and Reddit discussions about how to optimize points and miles. His friends would see him traveling all the time and ask him how he was doing it, so he'd explain it. Eventually, he got tired of having to go through the whole game with new people over and over again at parties, so he wrote it all down in an email that he could just forward to whoever asked.

Finally, a friend told him he should turn it into an ebook. That ebook eventually morphed into the course and the 10xTravel website and a full-fledged win-win business. We win by getting free knowledge about how to game points and miles to travel for practically nothing. He wins by earning credit card affiliate income each time people use his referral links to start playing.

The biggest travel hacking hurdle to get over is our misconceptions about credit cards.

Credit card points can be incredibly valuable for travel.

Photo by Pickawood on Unsplash

One big key strategy in this game is regularly signing up for new credit cards to take advantage of sign-up bonuses, as that's the quickest way to accumulate a lot of points. But most people think that's nuts.

"When I tell people that I generally open 10 or more credit cards a year, almost every single person … their eyes get bigger and they kind of freak out," says Conway. "And the next question is always, doesn't that destroy your credit score?"

No, it doesn't.

"It's very straightforward how that works, but of course, people have a bad association of credit cards with debt and bad credit," he says. "So you have to kind of get past that."

But won't credit card companies get wind of people doing this and shut it down? Conway says nope.

"They know that this exists. In some ways, they kind of encourage it because most people aren't able to make points work or are not willing to put in the effort to make points work in a way that is really advantageous to them," he says. "So it's kinda like the banks are making a bet like, 'Hey, we have this cool point system. You probably won't figure it out. It's profitable for us anyway.'"

"Credit card companies make a lot of money when people use their product, both on interest charges and fees—kind of the negative side of credit cards—but also just on swipe transaction fees," says Conway. "People forget that credit card companies make a large portion of their money on people who don't even ever pay interest or have credit card debt."

Credit cards are profitable for banks, so they incentivize people opening them. And banks compete to get you to open their cards, so all we're doing here is making the most of that competition and the incentives that come with it. No one is getting swindled. You have to spend on the cards to earn the points—even the sign-up bonuses—so banks are still making their money.

The key is to use your credit card for every transaction possible, pay off the balance each month before any interest posts and keep getting new cards for the sign-up bonuses.

Here are some examples of people who have learned how to play the travel hacking game and won big.

The places travel hackers go for free or nearly free is mind-boggling.

Photo by Ittemaldiviano 🇲🇻 on Unsplash

One of the things you start seeing after you take the 10xTravel course and join the group on Facebook is people sharing the amazing trips they've taken for free or close to free. Some of those stories get posted on the 10xTravel site, too.

For example, one couple took a two-week, five-country, $17,000 trip to Europe for just over $1,500 out of pocket. Another family detailed how they saved $14,000 in travel costs on trips to Puerto Rico, Europe, Costa Rica and Canada—not to mention getting a ton of free travel domestically—over a two-year period.

Some people in the Facebook group have shared trips where they've gotten redemption values of 10 or 20 cents per credit card point or more (essentially turning what would be $1,000 cashback into $10,000 or $20,000 in travel value). Those are exceptionally amazing, but it's not unusual at all to see 3x, 4x or 5x point values being redeemed by travelers in the group.

Often the only cash people have to shell out on their trips is for food and a modicum of taxes on flights, which don't get covered by points. At all-inclusive resorts, food is covered, so all they pay for are any extra activities.

And we're not talking cheap places or terrible traveling conditions. You know those over-the-water bungalows you see in the Maldives? I've seen people fly first-class there and stay in those places, all on points and miles. It's bonkers what people can do if they play this game well.

Why don't more people play the travel hacking game if it's really so great?

Again, the game is simple in concept but complex in practice. There's a lot to learn and a lot to unlearn at first, and how the various points and miles systems intertwine and interact can make your brain hurt until it all starts to click. But a lot of what stops people from even starting to learn is simply not believing that it is what it is.

"I think it doesn't really make sense to most rational minds," Conway admits. "Because things don't just kind of come for free in life. There's always gonna be some sort of catch down the road. So when you can show them how easy it is to book a meaningful amount of travel—and good travel—using simple tactics with points and miles, it seems too unbelievable."

This is especially true with business or first-class airline travel. The redemption values for points on those seats can be simply astounding.

"People assume that I'm gonna do a bunch of work just to be able to get a three-stop red-eye flight to Vegas—is that even worth it? And that's just not the case," says Conway. "My wife and I have flown first-class all over the world and can do so pretty much whenever and wherever we want, thanks to this."

The only thing better than hanging out in paradise is hanging out in paradise for free.

Photo by Serey Kim on Unsplash

Travel hacking (a term Conway bristles at because it makes the whole thing sound sketchy) is a long game—and more chess than checkers for sure—but for those who wish they could afford to travel more, it's definitely a game worth learning how to play.

Thanks for coming along on the tour of Travel Hacking Land! And hey, if you see your friends sunning themselves in Fiji or exploring Machu Picchu or galavanting around Europe, don't assume they have gobs of excess wealth. They may have just learned to game the points and miles systems in a way that lets them travel for ridiculously little money.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

A map of the United States post land-ice melt.

Land ice: We got a lot of it. Considering the two largest ice sheets on earth — the one on Antarctica and the one on Greenland — extend more than 6 million square miles combined ... yeah, we're talkin' a lot of ice. But what if it was all just ... gone? Not like gone gone, but melted?

If all of earth's land ice melted, it would be nothing short of disastrous. And that's putting it lightly. This video by Business Insider Science (seen below) depicts exactly what our coastlines would look like if all the land ice melted. And spoiler alert: It isn't great. Lots of European cities like, Brussels and Venice, would be basically underwater.

I bring up the topic not just for funsies, of course, but because the maps are real possibilities.

How? Climate change.

As we continue to burn fossil fuels for energy and emit carbon into our atmosphere, the planet gets warmer and warmer. And that, ladies and gentlemen, means melted ice.

A study published this past September by researchers in the U.S., U.K., and Germany found that if we don't change our ways, there's definitely enough fossil fuel resources available for us to completely melt the Antarctic ice sheet.

Basically, the self-inflicted disaster you see above is certainly within the realm of possibility.


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In Africa and the Middle East? Dakar, Accra, Jeddah — gone.



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Millions of people in Asia, in cities like Mumbai, Beijing, and Tokyo, would be uprooted and have to move inland.



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South America would say goodbye to cities like Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires.


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And in the U.S., we'd watch places like Houston, San Francisco, and New York City — not to mention the entire state of Florida — slowly disappear into the sea.


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All GIFs via Business Insider Science/YouTube.

Business Insider based these visuals off National Geographic's estimation that sea levels will rise 216 feet (!) if all of earth's land ice melted into our oceans.

There's even a tool where you can take a detailed look at how your community could be affected by rising seas, for better or worse.

Although ... looking at these maps, it's hard to imagine "for better" is a likely outcome for many of us.

Much of America's most populated regions would be severely affected by rising sea levels, as you'll notice exploring the map, created by Alex Tingle using data provided by NASA.

Take, for instance, the West Coast. (Goodbye, San Fran!)



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Or the East Coast. (See ya, Philly!)


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And the Gulf Coast. (RIP, Bourbon Street!)

"This would not happen overnight, but the mind-boggling point is that our actions today are changing the face of planet Earth as we know it and will continue to do so for tens of thousands of years to come," said lead author of the study Ricarda Winkelmann, of the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research.

If we want to stop this from happening," she says, "we need to keep coal, gas, and oil in the ground."

The good news? Most of our coastlines are still intact! And they can stay that way, too — if we act now.

World leaders are finallystarting to treat climate change like the global crisis that it is — and you can help get the point across to them, too.

Check out Business Insider's video below:


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


This article originally appeared eleven years ago.

A woman thinking to herself.

Ever have a moment in your life when someone told you something wise that you’ve never heard before, and it felt like time stopped? You feel so grateful to have the wisdom, but at the same time, sad because you wish you had heard it earlier and avoided some of life's unnecessary trials and tribulations.

One of the primary reasons we remember some things people tell us and forget others is emotion. When we experience an emotional reaction to information, the brain perceives it as valuable and stores it in long-term memory. That’s probably why it’s easy to remember the lyrics to the songs we love. The words are combined with an emotional change created by the melody in which they are sung and the accompanying music.

A Reddit user asked people on the AskReddit subforum to share the phrases they “heard only once but it stayed with you forever,” and it inspired a wonderful conversation where people shared the timeless wisdom that they will never forget. Many of the phrases revolved around healthy ways to deal with relationships, making sense of inner dialogues, and how to change, even when it feels impossible.

truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA man after hearing great advice. via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 of the most inspiring quotes that people “heard only once,” but they have stayed with them forever.

1. "You can't un-ring a bell."

"My high school history teacher told us - speak carefully to others, you can't un-drive the nail, the hole will always remain. Someone may forgive you, but the damage is done, the hole will remain."

"The axe forgets, but the tree remembers."

2. “You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”

"I cannot tell you how many times over the last few years I have had to stop and physically tell myself, that it's not my job to make sure anyone understands anything. Helped me put down my phone a number of times and just breath."

"The best thing to learn early in life is to walk away. Some ppl actually think they won the argument because I walked away. I feel like I won because I walked away."



3. "Sometimes, a man on the right track gets hit by a train on the wrong one."

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." - Jean Luc Picard

4. "Don’t confuse being needed with being valued."

"Ouch to that. To add to the confusion: true friendships can arise from responding to a need, and there are people who are really nice to you when they need you. But once you hit a bump on the road and become useless, even if just for a while, reactions vary."


truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA woman thinking about some sage advice.via Canva/Photos

5. "Not everyone you lose is a loss."

"This is good advice, especially for people going through a life change (e.g., growing up, moving, graduating, switching jobs, etc). A lot of people have drifted out of my life over the years, and a lot more made me sad at the time than were actually worth getting sad about. A few departures might've even been worthy of celebration, but it didn't feel that way in the moment."

"As I grow older, I've realized a very important skill for my own mental health is being able to cherish and appreciate the person someone was, and even love them, while also appreciating some extra distance between our present selves."

6. "Don't believe everything you think."

"I needed this. Having some hang-xiety from this weekend on how I’m a total weirdo & I need to learn to stfu more. But I know the reality is I just opened up and made new friends."

"Having worked with and known people with mental health struggles, I will say, 'A (depressed or mentally unwell) brain is a liar. It will tell you things that aren’t true. Keep a list of what is real and the facts that support it."

7. "No matter how far down the wrong road you are... turn around."

"The longer it takes you to get off the bus, the more expensive the return ticket will be."

"When you realize you are in a hole, stop digging."


truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA man after hearing great advice.via Canva/Photos

8. "The way you talk to / scold your kids is the voice and tone they will learn to talk to themselves in."

"Similarly, I've read, 'Your anger becomes their anxiety.' As a new mom who was raised by an angry father and struggles with anxiety, it is a perspective I'm glad I came upon early. It has redirected both how I speak to her and what I'll allow her to be exposed to."

"God, I feel that. My parents were basically always angry and/or annoyed."

9. "You are under no obligation to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

"That one always makes me think of something my therapist said: 'You didn’t ask to be born. Your parents wanted a child and you have lived to fulfil their wants and needs for twenty years. You’re allowed to live for yourself now.'"

10. “If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.”

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take in a different form."


11. "Grief is just love with nowhere to go."

"There have been a few similar phrases about grief that have stuck with me:

'The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable, we open our hearts to it. To grieve deeply is to have loved fully.

And "But what is grief but love persevering.'

Both tore me to pieces and have stuck with me as I've lost people close to me."


12. "The time will pass either way."

"I heard this phrase once in the context of someone who was talking about wanting to go to med school and become a doctor, but they were already in their 30s. They were saying something like, 'I really want to do it but its 7 years! If I start now, I won't become a doctor til I'm 42.' And the other person responded: 'And how old will you be in 7 years if you don't go to med school? The time will pass regardless.'"

13. "Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table."

"My old boss used to say, 'I wish you well and I wish you away.'"

14. "In the absence of communication, the void is filled with negativity."

"Lack of effective communication in a close personal relationship, a business/professional relationship, a political relationship, etc. can lead to negative assumptions about how they might feel about you, create perceptions of incompetence, or increase suspicions/distrust."

15. "Don't let 'perfect' be the enemy of progress."

"The version we were talking about at my work just today was 'Perfection is the enemy of getting shit done.'"













Health

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals

“I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself.”

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree. So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.


"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”


@mandanazarghami monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ ♬ Jacob and the Stone - Emile Mosseri


What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

Quiet, silence, peace, shhh, no speaking, secret The more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be. Photo credit: Canva

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

  • When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
  • When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.
"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less." - Atlassian


@_alliechen I used to be such an open book but now im a lot more reserved on my goals and plans so ppl dont judge #moveinsilence #relateablecontent #girlies #viral #success ♬ suara asli - astrooo🪐

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

Pop Culture

People agree these 19 things are weirdly romanticized, but are actually huge red flags

"The idea of someone cheating on their spouse to pursue you. How is that romantic? Please be serious."

One person's romantic is another person's cringe.

We all love a good love story. The grand gestures, the unbridled spontaneity, and those "against all odds” moments that give relationships a dose of movie magic are everything. But, sometimes, the things we’ve been taught to swoon over—whether that be due to pop culture or more overarching societal trends—are actually pretty toxic when you stop to think about them.

Recently, someone asked folks to share their own examples of behaviors that are “weirdly romanticized” but are actually major red flags once you look past the glossy surface, and honestly, it’s eye-opening.

Here are some of the most surprising (and perhaps unsettling) examples they shared. One major category belonged to those tropes we see in many, many television shows, movies, and even songs…

1. "Having someone who is completely obsessed with you."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia1.giphy.com

2. "Enemies to lovers. It's cute in theory, but how can you be with someone when you know all the disgusting things they've said about you before your relationship?"

3. "I used to love the 'asshole-to-everyone-except-you' trope until he started being an asshole to my friends. Some tropes are meant to stay fictional."

4. "The 'I'm just a girl' trend and other TikTok trends that are used to deflect any accountability or responsibility as an adult human being."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia4.giphy.com

5. "The idea of someone cheating on their spouse to pursue you. How is that romantic? Please be serious."

6. "Pressuring someone to hurry up and put a ring on it."

Two people brought differing, yet equally important views on work/love life balance.

7. "Sacrificing your professional or personal life to pursue someone."

8. "Honestly, I think we conflate hard work with unhealthy boundaries between the self and career, and we romanticize working overtime, long shifts, and doing excessive tasks as a display of personal growth. We've manipulated ourselves into feeling that giving our time to pursue our work is noble. I'm saying this as a student in medicine, where hours are absolutely wild. I know I'll work my hardest, but I won't sacrifice my sense of self and my time to eke out my own passions and life just to get ahead in my career track. At least, I hope I don't lose sight of myself in the pursuit of following my dreams. It can be really hard not to notice that that's where you're headed until you've already sacrificed so much."

How folks handle—or don’t handle—conflict also was a major red flag.

9. "Not being confrontational. Needless confrontation is bad, but sometimes, you do need to confront someone."

10. "Fighting all the time. No, it doesn't mean that your relationship is 'passionate.' It means that you're probably incompatible and shouldn't be together."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia.giphy.com

Finally, this category belongs to things that many people think often carry a hidden warning, even if they seem workable, even harmless, at first.

11. "I knew a girl whose boyfriend went everywhere with her. He wouldn't let her go anywhere if he weren't there, and she thought it was cute how 'possessive' he was over her. It thoroughly icked me out when she told me. Like, that is not healthy at all."

12. "Being a 'free spirit.' Like, there's a gray area, but there's a time and place to be inhibited and misbehave. Not following rules in public settings because you're 'free' gets old really fast."

13. "Being the charismatic 'heavy drinker' in friend groups. Goes for men and women."

14. "When people say things like, 'He's just broken,' as if it's something romantic. Having pain doesn't justify cruelty, and loving someone shouldn't mean bleeding just to make them feel whole."

15. "People who brag about not being interested in reading or learning. Here in the US, there is a huge anti-curiosity or anti-intellect movement, and people will literally brag about being ignorant."

16. "Being over controlling. My coworker thinks it's adorable when they say stuff like, 'My husband would kill me if I got a tattoo there!' Gross. Sorry that your husband is so fragile."

17. "People who constantly post about their partner. It's not romantic, it's performative. Real love doesn't need a PR campaign."

18. "'Traditional values.'"

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia3.giphy.com

Lastly, perhaps the oldest red flag in the book…

19. "The idea that playing games or being 'hard to get' in a cruel way will make their crush or interest want them more."

Note the one gesture that no one mentioned as un-romantic: flowers. Just sayin'.

Parenting

Teacher shares the one thing parents need to teach kids to prepare them for kindergarten

Kindergarten teacher Emily Perkins says avoiding this can make them "unteachable."

Image via Canva

Kindergarten teacher shares #1 thing parents should teach kids.

Sending your kid to kindergarten for the first time is a milestone parenting moment. For parents looking to prepare their kids for attending school for the first time, kindergarten teacher Emily Perkins (@emmymckenny) from Kentucky has spilled her wisdom.

In a new TikTok video, Perkins shared the number one thing parents should be teaching their kids before sending them to her classroom—and it's slightly controversial.

"No. No no no. No," she captioned the video. In it, she explains that parents need to teach their children the meaning of 'no,' and telling them 'no' when necessary.

@emmymckenny

No. No no no. No. #teachersoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #controversial

She says in the video, "A lot of people ask me all the time when they figure out that I’m a kindergarten teacher: What can they do to prepare their kid for kindergarten? What can I do—help them open their snacks? Help them tie their shoes? No, no, no, not that. Tell your kid, 'No' ... Tell them ‘No’ as a complete sentence."

The mom of two continues to add that if parents fail to tell and teach their kids "no," it can make them "unteachable" once they get in her classroom. "Do not teach them that telling them, 'No' invites them to argue with you, because if I can’t tell your child 'No' as an adult, and they don’t respect the 'No,' they’re basically unteachable. Let me tell you something: I will open their snacks, I will tie their shoes, I will help them blow their nose, I will teach them how to wash their hands properly."

@emmymckenny

I went viral #teachersoftiktok #viral #no


Perkins does not mince words when explaining the importance of teaching kids "no," and takes a stand against gentle parenting that she argues has turned many parents into pushovers. "The term gentle parenting gets thrown around like a reward—'Congratulations, you’re a pushover.' You can validate your child’s feelings without being a pushover. I heard a parent tell me that they don’t tell their child, 'No' because it triggers them," she explains.

Perkins adds that if parents cannot tell their children "no," neither can teachers—which can lead to disaster in kindergarten. "And if your child’s teacher can’t tell them, 'No,' it’s really hard to help them learn," she concluded.

@emmymckenny

IDC #teachersoftiktok #controversy #thingsidontcareabout

In an interview withTODAY, Perkins shared that "'No’ is not a bad word," and added that “‘no’ is not an invitation to an argument." She added, "My whole job is explaining. Think of logistics—if we’re lining up for a fire drill, it’s, 'No, you may not stay inside if the building is on fire' or 'No, you may not climb on the table because it’s not safe.'"

While she notes that further explanation of "no" to kids is certainly important, it's more crucial for kids to not to question or argue right away if they are told, "No." "I love to explain why, but if I can’t right then, kids still have to hear and accept 'no,'" she told the publication.

Perkins' video got a lot of support from fellow teachers and parents in the comment section:

"Preschool teacher here. you are 10000000000% correct. Let them struggle a bit so they can ACTUALLY do hard things. Let them experience disappointment! make them resilient!" one wrote.

"THIS!! I’m a first year kindergarten teacher and some of this littles just don’t get no… it’s so wild to me."

A parent viewer wrote, "True gentle parenting is about telling your child no and sticking to it. If you can never tell your child no it’s permissive."

And another parent shared, "Not a teacher just a mom, but YES. Not everything needs to be a lesson…sometimes because I said so is a complete sentence."