Over the last few years,
sustainability has become one of the biggest buzzwords in the fight against environmental problems like climate change, loss of biodiversity, ecosystem degradation, and pollution. But what does sustainability actually mean? And how do you make it part of your everyday life?
Broadly speaking, sustainability is the idea that we must meet our own needs
without compromising the ability of others to meet their needs, whether the “others” in question are future generations or people living in other parts of the world. But understanding the basic concept is one thing. Practicing it is quite another.
Every single day we make dozens of different choices that impact our planet. But understanding this impact is not easy. And when it comes to green living, there is a lot of conflicting information about what’s eco-friendly, what’s not, what’s fact, and what’s fiction.
But green sustainable living is possible. With a little guidance, we can all learn to make better choices for ourselves and the planet.
And that’s where the Sustainable Living Online Course from International Open Academy comes in.
Sustainable Living Online Course
When it comes to green living, there’s certainly no shortage of information available on the internet. The trouble is figuring out who knows what they are talking about and what information is legit.
If you’re tired of spending half of your research time trying to vet your sources and you just want straight answers to your questions about sustainable living, the Sustainable Living Online Course is for you. Sustainability experts designed this course to be the ultimate resource on sustainable living. As such, it covers everything you need to know to lead a renewable life that keeps you and the planet healthy.
Key topics covered in this online course include:
- how to make sustainable living easy
- how to look great without damaging the environment
- how to spot companies that aren’t eco-friendly
- how to save money and the planet at the same time
- how to find sustainable food that tastes great
- how to make simple swaps that make a big impact
Of course, the Sustainable Living Online Course won’t magically reduce your carbon footprint to zero. You’ll still have to put in the work and implement what you learn. But this course will give you the tools you need to be a better citizen and live a healthier, more natural life.
International Open Academy, or IOA, is one of the internet’s most trusted sources for online learning, with over a million students in 139 different countries. Whether you want to learn coding, interior design, or knitting, IOA’s accredited online courses make learning easy, fun, and affordable. No matter the subject, IOA courses focus on practical skills, with videos, texts, activities, and exams that students work through at their own pace.
Normally, the Sustainable Living Online Course costs $119. However, you can enroll through Groupon for just $17, which is a whopping 86 percent off the regular price.
If you’ve made it your goal to be more eco-friendly in 2023 but are unsure where to start, this deal on the Sustainable Living Online Course from International Open Academy is definitely for you. Click here to start your sustainable living journey today.
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Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.
In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven. Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
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Dating coach shares blueprint for how to talk to strangers even when it feels impossible
Even introverts can benefit from pleasant, low-stakes chats.
Sometimes, it feels like everyone we cross paths with is in their own little world—always in a hurry, always glued to a device. It can feel almost impossible to strike up a conversation with a stranger, even if you have no ulterior motive (like flirting).
Conversational anxiety, or, more broadly, social anxiety, affects about 12-14% of adults and is far more common among young people. These disorders often involve negative thought patterns like “I’m bad at meeting people” or “People dislike chatting with me.” Those thoughts undoubtedly make it harder.
But even people without social anxiety may want to talk to strangers. They simply do not have a good strategy for doing so.
Dating coach Adele Bloch recently took to social media to share a tried-and-true blueprint for striking up harmless, low-stakes conversations with strangers. The key is choosing the where and the how.
Bloch helps her clients find love and relationships, but she also takes on the challenge of helping people connect platonically in a disconnected world. In a recent post on X, she lays out her roadmap for “the art of talking to strangers in public.”
Coffee shops are great places for casual chats. Photo credit: Canva For starters, Bloch explains, the where is critical. People usually aren’t in a chatting mood when they’re engaged in a task or on their way somewhere. That’s why talking to people at the gym can be tricky; you risk coming off as rude by interrupting someone in the middle of something.
“Do it in places where people generally linger,” she suggests. Places like standing in line at a coffee shop or after a group workout class, when people take a few minutes to gather their things before leaving.
The next piece is the tough one: what to say.
“My favorite intro lines are almost as though you’re letting them into your inner monologue,” she writes. Nothing too clever or scripted, less a conversation starter and more like thinking out loud in their general direction. She suggests asking them to help you make a decision on the menu, or even just making a casual observation. A non-physical compliment can work, too.
From there, you’re off and running, she says. In the full post, however, Bloch offers a few more tips on what to do next.
The post received over half a million views on X and thousands of likes and comments. Bloch had clearly struck a nerve around a common problem many people share.
Commenters had a lot of thoughts about what impromptu conversations with strangers have meant to them:
“The stakes are so low but the potential for spontaneous great conversation is so high! can’t think of many situations where i regretted taking the initiative”
“I started doing this, significantly helped me get out of my social isolation. Moved to a city and knew nobody Now I have events and hangouts to go to!!”
“Small spontaneous conversations are underrated because they slowly rebuild a sense of community we didn’t even realize we were missing”
“Context makes conversations easier. Slow spaces create openings. Curiosity beats rehearsed lines.”
Research is clear on the benefits of pleasant human interactions. Yes, even for introverts.“A growing body of research has found that talking with strangers can contribute to our well-being,” writes Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex.
Sandstrom references a study carried out on commuters in Chicago who were asked to talk to someone on their regular train ride. Overwhelmingly, participants who chatted with a stranger were in a better mood afterward. These small micro-connections make us happier and help us feel less alone. We also learn new things about the world by talking to unexpected people.
However, many people are naturally resistant to talking to folks they don’t know. Those same Chicago commuters, before the experiment, predicted they’d feel uncomfortable striking up conversations and would prefer to sit in silence.
Sandstrom writes that these barriers are driven by fear:
“There are endless things to worry about: What if I don’t like my conversation partner? More importantly, what if they don’t like me, or what if I’m bothering them? What if we run out of things to say? What if I want to end the conversation, but can’t figure out how to?”
Maybe not all, but most of these fears end up being unfounded. That’s the true beauty of Bloch’s viral post.
“You’ll start to realize that people are EXCITED to talk to you! Strangers aren’t as scary as they seem!” she writes. “And you’ll start living a life thats more open and fun!”
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Scientists finally explain the real reason people ‘knock on wood’
60 percent of Americans reportedly “knock on wood” for good luck. But why?
You’re having a great week. No mishaps, no drama, no unexpected bills. “I’m on top of the world!” you shout out loud. Then, suddenly, your hand shoots out to the nearest wooden surface. Your knuckles rap on it a few times, and you didn’t even think about it. What was that?
Sixty percent of Americans “knock on wood,” according to a 2015 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll. Most do it almost automatically. But where does the habit come from?
It’s compulsory. Many don’t think before they knock on wood. Photo credit: Canva It seems like everyone has a different answer. Ask a group of people, and you’ll get a mix of shrugs, half-remembered myths, and a few confident answers based on a big pile of nothing.
The honest truth: nobody knows for sure. What we do have, however, are a few compelling theories, a paper trail leading back to the 19th century, and fascinating science that explains why we keep doing it—even when we don’t believe in it.
“Knock on wood” or “Touch wood?” Depends on where you live
In the United States, we knock. In the United Kingdom, they touch. Both phrases describe rapping knuckles on wood after saying something hopeful—and they mean the same thing: don’t tempt fate.
Beyond the English-speaking world, the tradition varies. In Turkey, a person pulls their left earlobe and then knocks on wood twice. In Italy and Catalonia, the equivalent phrase is “tocca ferro,” meaning “touch iron.” Sweden has its own version: peppar, peppar, ta i trä, which translates to “pepper, pepper, knock on wood,” and involves throwing pepper over your shoulder for good luck. In Brazil and Portugal, three knocks on wood are necessary—but only on furniture without legs, so most pieces (e.g., standard tables and chairs) don’t qualify.
What do all these diverse customs have in common, and what do they reveal about human nature?
The ancient tree spirit theory (and why scholars don’t like it)
The most romantic explanation traces the phrase “knock on wood” back to pre-Christian pagan traditions. This theory suggests that ancient Celtic and Indo-European cultures believed trees were inhabited by spirits or minor gods, especially oak, ash, and hazel. Knocking on a tree trunk could awaken those spirits to ask for protection, show gratitude for good luck, or drive away malevolent forces lurking in the woods.
Ancient trees could be the reason why we knock on wood. Photo credit: Canva It’s a beautiful story. Sacred groves existed across ancient Europe, serving as meeting places between people and the divine. The Druids worshipped the oak. The Scandinavians based their entire cosmology on the ash tree, Yggdrasil. The Germanic Norns—three fate-weaving goddesses—directed destiny through the World Tree itself.
But there’s a problem. As folklorists Jacqueline Simpson and Steve Roud note in A Dictionary of English Folklore, there’s no direct evidence linking these ancient traditions to the modern “knock on wood” superstition. More than a thousand years passed between Europe’s Christianization and the first recorded mention of touching wood. This long interval suggests the practice wasn’t passed down continuously.
The game of tag that may have started everything
So where does the phrase come from? The strongest documented theory points to a Victorian-era children’s game.
The earliest known written reference to “touch wood” as a superstitious practice appears in Ballads in the Cumberland Dialect, published in 1805 by R. Anderson. Folklorists connect it to a game called “Tiggy Touchwood,” a form of tag in which players were safe from being caught as long as they touched something wooden, such as a door, a fence, or a tree. Touching wood meant you were protected.
Roud, a leading folklore scholar, connects the game to the superstition in The Lore of the Playground:
“Given that the game was concerned with ‘protection,’ and was well known to adults and children, it is almost certainly the origin of our superstitious practice of saying, ‘touch wood.’ The claim that it goes back to tree spirits is complete nonsense.”
Religious and historical theories
Although the game theory has the strongest evidence, it’s worth knowing the other stories in circulation.
Could the reason why we “knock on wood” come from religious backgrounds? Photo credit: Canva The Christian Cross Theory suggests that knocking on wood invokes the protective power of Christ’s crucifixion. While religious relics like the True Cross were cherished for their supposed protective powers, this theory mainly explains how the custom may have been reinterpreted through a Christian lens rather than its original genesis. Scholars point to the lack of medieval records linking this idea to superstition, suggesting it is likely a later adaptation tied to seeking divine protection.
The Jewish Persecution Theory, another proposed origin, links wood-knocking to coded signals allegedly used by Jewish communities to signal safe passage during the Spanish Inquisition. While this theory points to another possible protective motivation for the ritual, it’s difficult to verify and appears less frequently in academic literature. Its inclusion illustrates the wide range of narratives people have constructed to make sense of the custom.
The Miners and Sailors Theory points to a more practical foundation: knocking on wooden beams to test their stability, which by extension may have led to a superstition about safety. Similarly, sailors knocked on deck wood for good fortune at sea. Together, these theories suggest how everyday safety rituals could evolve into superstition—even when direct documentation is limited.
Why our brains keep doing it anyway
This is where the science gets truly fascinating. Even people who recognize the habit as irrational still engage in it. And there’s a solid reason why—one that has nothing to do with tree spirits or sacred crosses.
Jane Risen, a behavioral science professor at the University of Chicago, has spent years exploring this very contradiction. In a 2016 article in Psychological Review, she found that individuals can recognize a belief as irrational in real time yet still choose not to challenge it—a phenomenon she terms “acquiescence.” As she explained:
“We see people maintaining these beliefs that they themselves acknowledge are irrational. They’ll say, ‘I know it’s crazy, but I’m going to do this.’ We have [these beliefs] because they’re the output of pretty basic cognitive processes.”
Two systems drive human thinking. The fast, intuitive one makes judgments before the slower, more deliberate system can catch up. As Risen explained, “Detecting an error in your intuitive belief doesn’t necessarily lead you to correcting it. It seems that some intuitions are just very difficult to shake.”
But that’s not all. Researchers at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business published a 2013 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology finding that the physical motion of knocking on wood is just as important as the saying itself.
There are psychological aspects to why we knock on wood. Photo credit: Canva Here’s what the study found: participants who knocked downward—pushing force away from themselves—felt a bad outcome was less likely than those who knocked upward or simply held an object. The study suggests this outward physical motion creates a feeling of pushing bad luck away. Rituals like spitting or throwing salt may work the same way.
There’s an emotional payoff, too. “These beliefs and behaviors actually do end up regulating your emotions,” Risen told Discover magazine. “When you knock on wood, you may worry about this less.”
Jacqueline Woolley, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, found that superstitious beliefs are most prevalent around ages five and six, before skepticism begins to develop. Meanwhile, Nadia Brashier, a researcher at Harvard University, observed that adults around age 70 tend to be less superstitious than those around age 19, as accumulated life experience typically reshapes the brain’s understanding of cause and effect.
The meaning behind the knock
Here’s what the research and folklore actually agree on: the phrase “knock on wood” is almost certainly not thousands of years old. Its documented history dates back to the 19th century, likely rooted in a children’s game of tag. The pagan, Christian, and persecution theories make for interesting stories, but none have the same weight of supporting evidence.
What holds up the tradition is psychology. Whether the gesture started with a game of Tiggy Touchwood, a fragment of the True Cross, or a coded knock on a synagogue door, it endures today because of how the human brain functions. We’re wired to seek some control over what we cannot control. A small physical act—touching something solid, directing force away from the body—provides that sense of comfort, even if only for a moment.
The next time your hand reaches for the nearest table after saying something hopeful, you don’t need to feel embarrassed. You’re doing something humans have practiced across cultures for at least two centuries, probably longer. Call it a habit, call it superstition, call it a small act of hope. Whatever you call it, the impulse remains the same: to hold on, just for a moment, to the good things in front of you.
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Are you a Hunter, Busybody, or Dancer? Why your curiosity style matters
Psychologists say certain “curiosity styles” could be linked to mental health issues.
Have you ever gone down an Internet rabbit hole? You start researching one thing, then two hours later, find yourself reading about something entirely different? For example, you could have begun with quantum physics only to somehow find yourself engrossed in an e-book about medieval falconry.
Philosopher Perry Zurn and neuroscientist Dani S. Bassett found that people have different approaches to information seeking. Their research shows that these patterns aren’t random, but represent distinct styles of curiosity. This is how we build knowledge, connect ideas, and experience the world.
After analyzing the browsing habits of nearly 500,000 Wikipedia users across 50 countries, Zurn and Bassett identified three archetypal curiosity styles: the Hunter, the Busybody, and the Dancer.
Identifying the curiosity style that suits you best can foster mental flexibility—the type associated with greater happiness and resilience.
Curiosity research through the years
Curiosity has fascinated psychologists for decades. In the 1960s, pioneering researcher Daniel Berlyne drew a crucial distinction between two types of curiosity: Perceptual and Epistemic.
Perceptual curiosity drives us to explore new stimuli. It’s the impulse that compels a child to reach for a shiny object or an adult to pause at the sight of an unusual cloud formation.
A woman looking at the clouds in the sky. Photo credit: Canva On the other hand, Epistemic curiosity propels us to gain knowledge and understanding. For example, a person might take photos of strange clouds, then identify them in an article about the “ten basic cloud classifications.” In this way, we seek information that moves beyond immediate sensory experiences to build a deeper comprehension.
In 2020, psychologist Todd Kashdan expanded our scientific understanding of curiosity through a five-dimensional study that examined its impact on emotional well-being.
His research revealed that joyous exploration—the pleasurable experience of discovering something new—consistently correlates with positive mental health outcomes. Meanwhile, deprivation sensitivity (which stems from an anxious drive to fill gaps in knowledge) carries a complicated emotional tenor, mixing tension and discomfort with the satisfaction of uncovering the truth.
These frameworks, put forward by Berlyne and Kashdan, set the stage for Zurn and Bassett’s groundbreaking research on curiosity styles.
Meet the styles
The Hunter: focused and goal-driven
Motivated by a specific mission, Hunters find answers by following a targeted path. Think of them as detectives on a case. When they set out on the quest for information, they stay on the trail. They do not wander. Paying close attention to related topics, they methodically build a tight, constrained network of knowledge.
The Hunter searches for answers rationally and methodically. Photo credit: Canva For the Hunter, finding the correct answer isn’t pleasurable—it’s a relief.
Imagine a Hunter wants to understand how photosynthesis works. Their curiosity becomes a focused exposition. They read articles, check books out from the library, watch YouTube videos, and listen to podcasts until they’ve finally satisfied their desire to learn. They solve the puzzle.
This laser-focused approach to learning is why you’ll commonly find Hunters in STEM fields—science, technology, engineering, and math. These disciplines value precision, logic, and systematic understanding, which come naturally to them.
The Busybody: curious about everything
Busybodies are curious explorers who trace zigzagging routes through a wide range of unrelated topics. They’re the quintessential “rabbit hole” adventurers. They gather scattered bits of information across diverse subjects. For the Busybody, learning does not require a fixed plan or a desired conclusion.
Busybodies love to jump from topic to topic. Photo credit: Canva A Busybody might begin by reading about the French Revolution. Flipping through the pages, something captures their attention—a detail, a name, an illustration—then they find themselves deep-diving into Japanese tea ceremonies, exploring the nuances of Persian poetry, or delving into the rich history of chocolate. All in one sitting.
This curiosity style creates loose, intricate networks of knowledge that connect fields such as the arts, culture, food, philosophy, and the humanities. Busybodies aren’t driven by the need to solve a problem or complete a task. Instead, they follow their pure interests and enjoy the simple joy of learning.
The Dancer: a creative synthesizer
The Dancer’s mind does not walk from one idea to the next. It pirouettes. Dancers are the creative synthesizers who take imaginative leaps between seemingly unrelated ideas. They combine existing concepts in new, exciting ways.
Dancers are true creatives who break established norms. Photo credit: Canva Unlike the Busybody, whose intellectual pursuits can feel random, Dancers intentionally seek to break established norms. They create radically discontinuous knowledge paths: the foundation of creative and interdisciplinary thinking.
Think of someone who applies philosophy paradigms to their astronomy thesis, or an artist who champions the parallels between musical composition and architectural design. Dancers don’t passively collect information like stamps in a book. They actively transform it.
The Wikipedia study
To explore modern curiosity styles, Zurn and Bassett teamed up with communications scientist David Lydon-Staley. Their first study tracked 149 participants in Philadelphia who browsed Wikipedia for 15 minutes daily over three weeks.
Next, they expanded their research. The team analyzed the browsing patterns of nearly half a million users of the Wikipedia mobile app across 50 countries and 14 languages. For each person, they mapped a “knowledge network” to see which articles they visited and how the topics related to one another.
A graph breaking down the data from the Wikipedia research study. Photo credit: Amanda Montañez The patterns were clear as three groups emerged. In one, readers formed right clusters of closely related articles. Others built expansive networks covering a wide range of topics. A third group made creative leaps, linking distant knowledge in unexpected ways.
Respectively, these groups formed the basis for Zurn and Bassett’s curiosity archetypes: Hunters, Busybodies, and Dancers.
Curiosity and mental health: the Hunter’s paradox
The study revealed a surprising link between curiosity styles and mental health. Participants who browsed Wikipedia in a focused, goal-oriented manner—the Hunters—reported higher levels of depression and anxiety compared to those who browsed more freely.
This finding is consistent with Kashdan’s research on deprivation curiosity. To assuage the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing, the search itself can become stressful. The relief from finding the answer doesn’t bring joy. It just eases the tension.
Conversely, the exploratory nature associated with the other two curiosity styles—the Dancer and the Busybody—can have a protective effect. With these styles, curiosity stems from genuine interest and a sense of wonder, allowing them to engage in a discovery process that feels positive, open, and less pressured.
By focusing less on outcomes and more on the process, we may find ourselves embracing the possibility of unexpected results.
How to cultivate your curiosity
Your curiosity style isn’t set in stone. Zurn explains that curiosity is a practice. We can learn to strengthen different styles, as we see fit.
For Hunters looking to expand their horizons, set aside time for aimless exploration. While researching your next project, allow yourself to click on an unexpected link—even just one. No matter how trivial or off-topic it may look, see where it takes you.
For the curious but scattered Busybodies, experiment with the “three-click” rule. When you start reading something interesting, commit to exploring at least three related articles before moving on to a new topic. This will build a deeper understanding of specific areas.
For aspiring Dancers, search for connections between incongruent fields. Ask yourself, “How is this similar to something unrelated that I know?” Push past the obvious answers. Allow space for weird, strange, and offbeat ties and relationships to come forward. You could start with “Connections,” a game by The New York Times.
A screenshot from The New York Times game “Connections.” Remember, all three styles of curiosity serve different purposes. As Bassett emphasizes, each plays an important role. Hunters are society’s experts, people who have mastered a domain and can solve hyper-specific problems. Busybodies fuel the engines of serendipity, amassing a wide range of knowledge that can lead to unexpected insights and creative reframing. Dancers are our original thinkers and innovators, breaking patterns and discovering new, unexplored intellectual terrain.
With great mental flexibility, one can use all three styles and switch between them as needed.
Your curiosity matters
Understanding your curiosity style is more than an intellectual exercise. It’s deeply personal. The way you seek and connect information shapes how you learn. It impacts your mental health. Curiosity lies at the foundation of making connections: between ideas, people, and the inner and outer worlds we’re always trying to make sense of.
The next time you find yourself deep in a rabbit hole, reflect on the path you took to get there. Are you searching for clear answers? Collecting ideas as they pique your interest? Or are you exploring the connections between nonlinear subjects?
Keep going. Your curiosity is worth cultivating.
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These 7 things make smart people sound less competent. A behavioral expert shows how to fix it.
It all comes down to the “3 S’s Rule.”
Codie Sanchez—an investor, entrepreneur, business strategist, and former journalist—knows a thing or two about winning at conversation. From spending time on Wall Street to helping everyday people build unconventional wealth, she’s learned at least this: “You can be the smartest person in the room and still lose it entirely because of the way you speak.”
She explains in a YouTube video that when it comes to first impressions, everyone is “immediately” graded on the “warmth and competency” of what they’re saying, with the latter being especially crucial in business settings.
And over the years, she noticed that many intelligent people with great ideas get overlooked because of “how that intelligence is delivered.” It often comes down to one of the seven self-sabotage patterns below. (The good news: these are all easy fixes.)
The 7 speaking patterns that sabotage us from being heard
1. Excessive hedging
Hedging in linguistics is the use of cautious, tentative, or vague language. Sanchez uses examples like “but,” “I don’t know,” “maybe,” “could be,” and “I’m not sure.”
While hedging can sometimes be “strategic,” most of us do it to remain polite or to avoid coming across like a “sycophant.”
Knowing the difference between strategic hedging and insecure hedging comes down to whether you’re adding “nuance for clarity” or “padding your statement to avoid social risk.”
2. Overexplaining
“Smart people hate being misunderstood,” says Sanchez, which can lead them to pile on information. Ideas that come across as overly complicated ring less “truthful and more intelligent.” Not only that, it can convey the message that you think “your audience is slow” or that “your idea can’t stand on its own.”
Conversely, simple, easy-to-understand ideas—those with “high processing fluency”—automatically look smarter.
3. Talking too fast
When our nervous system is firing, it’s natural for our pitch and speaking speed to increase. This is unconsciously interpreted as “uncertainty.”
To offset this, Sanchez recommends identifying your most important sentence, aka a “key line,” then taking a breath before it and slowing it down by 20%.
Two people have an animated conversation. Photo credit: Canva 4. Focusing on specs, rather than story
“People remember the story change, not the feature list,” says Sanchez.
While this might at first sound like encouragement to use lots of emotional, flowery words to set the scene, Sanchez instead encourages “ruthless simplicity.”
She then points to Steve Jobs, whose Apple presentations used very few slides and stripped-down language to show how his vision of the future addressed society’s current problems. Needless to say, it worked.
5. Being afraid to “show off”
A man in a suit shows off. Photo credit: Canva Sanchez says that while it’s “tempting to play it cool, you should be a show-off,” adding, “People who win in life are not the ones in the shadows.”
She also points out that plenty of political figures and business moguls are successful almost exclusively because of their showmanship. However, that doesn’t mean piling on information to prove you know what you’re talking about. Instead, make your point with such simplicity that it makes “everyone else feel smart.”
“Go big and show, but default to the show being simple,” she explains. “Clarity beats cleverness every time.”
6. Not rehearsing
Just as elite athletes and artists dedicate intentional time to their craft, great speakers also invest hours in “deliberate practice.” This includes cutting unnecessary words, practicing pauses, and, perhaps most importantly, saying things out loud.
Sanchez warns that a lack of purposeful practice can lead to rambling, running out of time, panicking, and second-guessing ourselves.
7. Constant self-deprecation
This can be common among high performers as a way to seem “humble.” And to a certain extent, it works. But according to Sanchez, overusing it, especially with people who don’t know you well, can read as “insecurity disguised as humor.”
The pattern behind all these traps: fear
A man holds paper over his head. Photo credit: Canva Whether it’s fear of rejection, being wrong, being judged, or not being liked, smart people tend to perceive these risks more acutely because they’re better able to recognize complexity.
It goes to show that “winning the room,” as Sanchez puts it, isn’t about knowing the most, but about “managing the perception” of others. We achieve this not by “predefending against every possible criticism,” nor by putting on “fake alpha energy,” but by communicating clearly and letting our ideas stand.
Before important conversations, Sanchez says to run through this checklist:
Am I hedging unnecessarily?
Am I overexplaining?
Am I rushing?
Am I overcomplicating?
Am I landing statements confidently?
Am I comfortable with silence?
While awareness of these things alone can improve your perceived competence “by 15–30%,” Sanchez notes that fixing one element each day and running through the talk out loud “can take you the rest of the way.”
And if this still feels too convoluted, focus on the “3 S’s Rule”: shorter, slower, stronger.
Focusing on speaking more slowly, using fewer filler words, and increasing conviction is more than enough to project authority and command a room. Again, practice incorporating just one of these elements each day.
You can find even more helpful tips like this by following the BigDeal by Codie Sanchez podcast on YouTube.
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Worried you’re boring? 5 conversation tricks that can make you more fun to talk to.
Avoid awkward or boring interactions with some simple habit changes.
Are you ever in social situations where the conversation drags and you’re not sure what to do about it? Is it that the other person isn’t engaging, or is it that you’re not interesting? Social anxiety might have you questioning everything in these moments, but what if there were skills you could learn to make conversations more fun for everyone involved, including you?
Charisma on Command shared a video on YouTube outlining five mistakes people make in conversations that make them seem boring, and five things to do instead that make them more fun to talk to.
The video offers specific examples from celebrity interviews for each of these mistakes and fixes, but here’s the gist:
Mistake #1: Energy ducking
“Energy ducking is when you come into a conversation with low enthusiasm to avoid standing out,” the video states. “The problem is when you make your main focus not standing out, you avoid making a negative or positive impression.”
In other words, you’re bringing nothing fun to the conversation, and most people want to have fun when they talk to others.
Be the first to add playfulness to the conversation. Photo credit: Canva Trick #1: Be playful
It’s not like you need a super interesting life or amazing stories to make a conversation engaging. You just need to bring a sense of playfulness to it.
“By far the easiest way to initiate playfulness in your life is after you’ve been asked a question,” the video says. “To do so, just answer with an absurd, non-literal answer.”
That doesn’t mean you won’t eventually answer the person’s question.
“It’s just about setting a fun, playful tone first,” the video points out. “Another perk of being playful is it’s very likely that the other person will match you and be playful as well.”
Mistake #2: Assuming interest
If you’ve ever been in a conversation where someone talks on and on about something you have no interest in, you know the urge to escape. Don’t assume people will share your interests or enjoy your out-of-context stories.
Create interest in a story before telling it. Photo credit: Canva Trick #2: Create interest with a “story gap”
“A story gap is when you build interest in a story by hinting at how it ends without spoiling the punchline,” the video states.
One example the video shares is when comedian Kevin Hart was asked about his relationship with basketball legend Michael Jordan. He responded, “I’ve run into Mike a couple of times. Mike still might be mad at me. True story.”
Now we know something happened between Kevin and Mike that ticked Mike off, but we don’t know what. That piques our interest in hearing the story, because we know enough about the ending to want the details.
Mistake #3: Giving bland, short answers
“If you regularly find conversation stalls after you’ve been asked a question, you may be giving bland one- to five-word answers,” the video states. “A bland answer doesn’t set the other person up with anything to say back…short answers put the conversational pressure on the other person. Now they have to carry the conversation or else let it fall into awkward silence.”
Expanding on simple answers makes for better conversation. Photo credit: Canva Trick #3: Share enough to make the conversation easy for the other person
This doesn’t mean you should ramble on and on in your answers. Rather than answering in the briefest way possible, add a little detail.
For example, let’s say someone asks where you’re from. You might say, “Chicago,” or even, “I grew up in Chicago.” But that doesn’t give much. You could instead say, “I grew up on the north side of Chicago in an area called Rogers Park. It was an interesting place, because Rogers Park is on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum, but just north of it are very wealthy suburbs. That made it a pretty interesting place to grow up.”
An answer like that gives the person a lot to respond to.
Mistake #4: Asking the same boring, default questions
Asking questions is a great way to engage in conversation, but not all questions are created equal. “Where are you from?” is fine, but most people have been asked that a million times.
Trick #4: Ask something that the other person will be excited to answer
It takes more thought to come up with interesting questions, so watching people who are masters at it can help. Examples from the video come largely from Sean Evans, the host of Hot Ones. While his celebrity guests eat wings with increasingly spicy hot sauce, he asks questions about their lives and careers.
“He specifically focuses on asking questions about his guests’ passions or that let them reflect on things they’re proud of,” the video points out. “He also avoids the questions they’ve likely been asked a hundred times in interviews before. And you can see the reactions it gets him.”
A helpful tip for this trick, especially if you don’t know much about the person, is to ask hypothetical questions: “If you had to give away a million dollars tomorrow, who would you give it to?” or “If you had total power over the Internet, what’s the first thing you’d change about it?”
Mistake #5: Being a passive listener
Passive listeners listen but don’t react. That can make a conversation feel really boring, even when you aren’t saying anything. People want to feel that the other person is an active participant in the conversation, even when they’re not talking.
Trick #5: Mirroring and listening to laugh
There are actually two tricks to fix the passive listening problem. One is to mirror the person speaking by reflecting their behavior or repeating something they said. For instance, if they’re nodding while telling a story, you can nod along. If they tell you they dropped their phone in a snowbank, you might respond, “In a snowbank? No!”
Laughter can also be a great way to show interest and bring fun into a conversation. Get comfortable laughing when you genuinely find something funny.
“It’s important to note here the goal is not to fake laugh,” the video states. “Instead, you want to cultivate the ability to laugh freely whenever you do find something funny, rather than censor your laughter like most people do, limiting it to a quick chuckle or even just an exhale.”
Conversation skills come as second nature to some people while others have to consciously hone them. The good news is you don’t have to implement all of these tricks in every conversation. Try focusing on one or two that feel most doable for you and see if they help make conversing a more enjoyable experience.
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Scientists discover one step you can’t skip if you want to stop procrastinating: forgiveness
Beating yourself up just doesn’t work.
We’ve all been guilty of procrastinating before, but some people tend to do it far more than others. Research indicates that about 20% of adults can be considered “chronic procrastinators,” and it’s an extremely tough mental loop to break.
Not only does procrastinating lead to worse outcomes at school, work, or in creative projects, it can also be highly damaging to a person’s psyche. Regular procrastination fuels intense feelings of shame, guilt, and even major depression.
Luckily, there are all kinds of tricks, hacks, and mental games people can use to help defeat procrastination. However, many of them are Band-Aids at best and don’t address the fear, anxiety, stress, and overwhelm that are often at the root of so-called laziness and task avoidance.
A “cure” for procrastination?
One recent study wanted to test a potential “cure” for procrastination: self-forgiveness.
A team of researchers from Carleton University set out to determine whether there was a link between “forgiving the self for a specific instance of procrastination and procrastination on that same task in the future.”
In other words, does mentally beating yourself up after feeling lazy help you do better next time, or is it more effective to give yourself grace?
The method was simple. Researchers recruited 119 first-year university students enrolled in an introductory psychology course, knowing, of course, that students are exceptional candidates for studying procrastination.
It’s easy to find students who are behind on their studies. Photo credit: Canva Students were polled after an exam in the class on a variety of self-reported factors, including whether they procrastinated studying and how they felt about their overall performance. They were polled again after a second exam.
In the end, the results revealed that students who reported high levels of self-forgiveness for procrastinating on their studying for the first exam were less likely to repeat the same mistake on the second exam.
“Negative affect”
The team determined that a big reason self-forgiveness was important is that it reduced something called “negative affect,” a psychology term that refers to a bundle of unpleasurable feelings like anxiety, anger, sadness, and guilt.
What mattered in whether a person would stop procrastinating in the future was that they rid themselves of those negative feelings. Forgiving themselves for procrastinating the first time helped immensely.
We’ve learned a lot about procrastination in recent years. What was once considered laziness is now better understood as a diabolical cocktail of overwhelm, anxiety, fear, and even childhood trauma. That’s why so much advice about procrastination is outdated.
Marla Cummins, a productivity coach, writes that using force or authoritarian self-talk like “I have to get this done” used to be commonplace but simply doesn’t work.
A research review from 2023 found that self-compassion is far more effective than self-criticism at motivating positive change, further reinforcing the findings from the Carleton University study. Methods that ease those negative feelings and break the cycle of negative self-talk are key to stopping procrastination, or at least doing it less often, in the future.
As a human, you are almost guaranteed to procrastinate on something important in your life sometime in the near future. The key to not letting it become a chronic problem may be to forgive yourself for the slip-up and refuse to carry those negative feelings of shame and guilt into your next opportunity.
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People amazed by woman’s tender dedication to her 48-year-old husband with dementia
He no longer remembers his wife so she does it for both of them
LaShonda Adams, who runs the TikTok page “I Am Chronicles of Mrs. Adams,” found herself becoming the primary caregiver for her husband after a medical emergency nearly caused her to lose him.
When a young couple says their wedding vows, they’re not thinking much about the “sickness” part. Typically in that moment, both parties are presumably healthy and an illness changing things feels like a distant possibility, not an inevitability.
Adams recently uploaded a video of herself explaining to her 48-year-old husband how he knows her. He appears confused, and Adams soon reveals why.
A couple looks at a shopping list. Photo credit: Canva “What you’re going through is called sundowning,” Adams says gently to her husband. “It’s where you go through this space where you don’t understand, and then you get in this very confused state where you don’t understand what’s going on or where you are, or who’s around you.”
Forty-eight is young for a dementia diagnosis, but after a massive heart attack, he received life-changing news. He was without oxygen to his brain for more than 20 minutes. This form of dementia is typically not associated with the elderly. The once-vibrant man is experiencing vascular dementia.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, “Vascular dementia is a decline in thinking skills caused by conditions that block or reduce blood flow to various regions of the brain, depriving them of oxygen and nutrients.”
The diagnosis appears to have occurred within the past two years, based on older videos. She displays a lot of patience and grace, which is melting the hearts of viewers.
“I’m your wife. Those are your kids, and you’re at home,” Adams says calmly. “You had a heart attack, baby, and you lost oxygen to the brain. When you lost oxygen to the brain, it made you lose your memory of 24 years, okay? So sometimes you remember me, sometimes you don’t. You’re having a moment. You’re going to be alright.”
He then asks her name, and she quietly responds. After clarifying that he no longer works, his wife explains that he’s off right now due to his disability. “This is the first time I’m hearing anything,” he says. “I’ve been here all day. Nobody said nothing.”
Adams reassures him that she reminds him daily, but he insists this is his first time waking up in someone else’s house. She responds with patience:
“Well, I’m here. I’m your wife, and I love you. I’m going to take care of you and make sure that you get cared for, okay? Alright? And any questions you have, or anything you want to know, I’m here to answer. Alright? We have pictures, we have memories that I can show you to kind of help.”
Mr. Adams doesn’t remember anything past the age of 24 at any given moment, but it appears his memory is most impaired when the sun starts going down. Some viewers have compared it to the movie 50 First Dates, in which Drew Barrymore plays the love interest of Adam Sandler, who eventually realizes she has amnesia.
One person writes, “50 First Dates in real life.”
Another praises the wife’s care, saying, “Dementia nurse here. You’re doing amazing!!!!”
A couple celebrates with champagne. Photo credit: Canva For others, the heartwarming interaction hit close to home. One person shares, “I’m early stages of Cardiovascular Dementia and sometimes, I experience these moments and it’s scary. Your voice is very calm and you’re doing an awesome job caring for your husband. God Bless You.”
One devoted daughter shares, “My Dad has dementia.. one day I helped him look for me until he said ‘there you are, pickle head. i was calling you!’ I cried myself to sleep that night after I put him to bed. You’re doing so great, Sis!! keep loving him the way you do. it keeps em grounded just a little longer at a time.”
A couple embracing. Photo credit: Canva “Dementia will break your heart, over and over again,” someone else says. “Your strength gives him peace. I hear it, I see it. He feels it.”
Another professional praises her approach, writing, “Memory Care Director here. While I absolutely think this is so unfair for him to go through this as such a young age. Dementia is the absolute worst. You are doing such an amazing job. The calm voice is needed, especially at sundowners time. Stay so strong.”
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Social skills expert shares 3 ‘magic phrases’ that make you more likable
Sometimes, we need to overcommunicate how we feel about others.
A familiar misstep people make when trying to be likable is trying to impress others. They want to show they are funny, intelligent, and a great storyteller. They think being the life of the party is the road to likability. However, study after study shows that it’s a lot easier to be likable. All you have to do is show interest in others. To put it simply: If you like people, you will become more likable.
There’s a slight wrinkle in the notion that liking more people makes you more likable. Many people you like aren’t sure that you like them. The psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias says it best. We tend to overestimate how clearly we broadcast our feelings and intentions towards others. So, the person we like and who likes us may not know the feeling is mutual.
“We think our signals are obvious,” Vanessa Van Edwards told Steve Bartlett on the Diary of a CEO podcast. “If we like someone or if we’re having a good time, we think, ‘Oh, they for sure know it.’ They don’t.” Van Edwards is a communications expert and the author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People.
To help people clearly communicate their feelings, Van Edwards suggests three “magic phrases” to show you care. Check out the video below.
Phrase 1: ‘I was just thinking of you’
“You think of a lot of people in your life all the time,” she said. “If you are thinking of someone and you can text them: ‘I was just thinking of you, how are you?’ I was just thinking of you, how’d that project go?’ was just thinking of you. It has been a while since we talked.’ You see a movie, you see a documentary, you see a matcha latte, you see a mug, you see a ceramic candle, and you’re like, ‘Ah, this made me think of you,’” Van Edwards said. “My text messages, my conversations, are full of actual moments where I was triggered to think of that person, actually,” she said, noting the importance of being genuine. “If you don’t think of someone, they’re not a person you need to have in your life.”
Phrase 2: ‘You’re always so …’
“So if you’re with someone and you’re impressed by them or they’re interesting or they’re funny, say, ‘You always make me laugh. You’re always so interesting,’ or ‘You’re always so great in interviews.’ Giving them a label that is a positive label is the best gift you can give someone, because it’s fighting that signal amplification bias,” she continued.
Phrase 3: ‘Last time we talked, you mentioned …’
“We are so honored when we get brain space—that you remembered and you’re going to bring it up,” she said. “And you specifically bring up something that they lit up with, something they were like, ‘Ah, it was great, it was exciting, it was wonderful.’”
If studies show the more you like other people, the more likable you become, Van Edwards has the next logical step in becoming more likable. She makes it clear that, due to signal amplification bias, many people you like may not even know it. When we employ her three ways to be more likeable, though, we can let people know we like them without making them feel uncomfortable, thus establishing bond to build on.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
