Parenting is a 24/7 job. However, Kier Gaines, a licensed therapist, husband and father of two little girls, is encouraging parents to take time and space alone to preserve their mental health. In a new video he shared on TikTok titled "Saving Your Partner's Mental Health", Gaines demonstrates the importance of parents creating space at home for not just themselves, but more importantly their partners.
He shows how it can be done by setting boundaries with their children when it comes to being constantly available to them--supporting his wife to take rest rather than busying herself with house work while affirming to his children that giving mommy space is a positive thing.
"Give mommy some space, okay?" he says in the video as he is starting to cook in the kitchen. One of his daughters responds, "Okay. I just wanted to ask her a question."
In an understanding voice, he replies, "I know. Let's give her a little privacy. Let's give her a moment. You know how sometimes you go up in your room and you don't want to be bothered and we give you your space? I think everybody in the house needs that sometimes, what [do] you think?"
Gaines continues filming himself doing some kitchen organizing, pouring cereal boxes into storage containers before moving to the refrigerator to unload some drinks.
"Sydney, you wanna come help me?" he asks his daughter Sydney, before she replies, "No!" He quips, "True!"
man in long sleeve shirt standing beside girl in pink tank top washing hands
Photo by CDC on Unsplash
Sydney then adds, "I am very busy right now!" Rather than get upset, Gaines sighs and says, "The fridge needs to be reorganized, but it ain't happening tonight! I'll tell you that."
His wife is heard off-camera chiming in, "I'll do it." But Gaines is having none of it. "Babe, rest your bones," he tells her. She replies, "Yeah, you're right," before Gaines adds in, "You've got enough going on," just..."motioning with his hands for her to step back and take a load off.
"You know I like to be busy," she responds, but Gaines reassures her that all is well as he continues to prepare a meal. "Yeah, you don't have to be busy when you don't have to. Go upstairs, get away from the kids."
The video ends on a funny note: as Gaines tries to open something with a knife, he drops it and it almost stabs his foot.
"Not today, Satan! Not today," he laughs.
Gaines' kind and gentle communication style sent his TikTok followers straight to the comment section to heap praise on him for being an amazing parent and spouse.
"The fact that you said, 'everybody needs space sometimes' instead of throwing mom under the bus with 'mommy needs time away or mommy needs a break' made my heart explode. What an awesome dad š," one TikToker wrote. Another added, "Father is fathering, partner is partnering... that's how family life should be ā¤ļø."
Gaines was also commended for his soft tone. "The calm demeanor, the way you give explanations, ask questions, keep it kind. It made me cry. Dads donāt act like this as often as they should." And another declared, "the communication, the tone, and body language showing no anger, this is what every child deserves from their father and mother! i applaud you!ā¤ļø"
With nearly 28 million views on his video, Gaines deserves all the kudos.