The uncomfortable truth about tipping, explained with stick figures.

It’s about time we got to the bottom of this.

Mar 3, 2017

Photo credit: Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash – To tip Or not to tip

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

Tipping is not about generosity.

Tipping isn’t about gratitude for good service. And tipping certainly isn’t about doing what’s right and fair for your fellow man.

Tipping is about making sure you don’t mess up what you’re supposed to do.

In my case, the story goes like this: In college, I was a waiter at a weird restaurant called Fire and Ice. This is the front page of their website (FYI: those lame word labels are on the site, not added by me):

That sad guy in the back is one of the waiters. He’s sad because he gets no salary and relies on tips like every other waiter, but people undertip him because at this restaurant they get their own food so they think he’s not a real waiter even though he has to bring them all their drinks and side dishes and give them a full tour of the restaurant and tell them how it works like a clown and then bus the table because they have no busboys at the restaurant and just when the last thing he needs is for the managers to be mean and powerful middle-aged women who are mean to him, that’s what also happens.

Bad life experiences aside, the larger point here is that I came out of my time as a waiter as a really good tipper, like all people who have ever worked in a job that involves tipping. And friends of mine would sometimes notice this and say sentences like, “Tim is a really good tipper.”

My ego took a liking to these sentences, and now 10 years later, I’ve positioned myself right in the “good but not ridiculously good tipper” category.

So anytime a tipping situation arises, all I’m thinking is, “What would a good but not ridiculously good tipper do here?”

Sometimes I know exactly what the answer to that question is, and things run smoothly. But other times, I find myself in the dreaded Ambiguous Tipping Situation.

Ambiguous Tipping Situations can lead to a variety of disasters:

1. The Inadvertent Undertip

2. The Inadvertent Overtip

3. The “Shit Am I Supposed To Tip Or Not?” Horror Moment

I don’t want to live this way anymore. So , I decided to do something about it.

I put on my Weird But Earnest Guy Doing a Survey About Something hat and hit the streets, interviewing 123 people working in New York jobs that involve tipping. My interviews included waiters, bartenders, baristas, manicurists, barbers, busboys, bellhops, valets, attendants, cab drivers, restaurant delivery people, and even some people who don’t get tipped but I’m not sure why, like acupuncturists and dental hygienists.

I covered a bunch of different areas in New York, including SoHo, the Lower East Side, Harlem, the Upper East Side, and the Financial District, and I tried to capture a wide range, from the fanciest places to the dive-iest.

About 10% of the interviews ended after seven seconds when people were displeased by my presence and I’d slowly back out of the room, but for the most part, people were happy to talk to me about tipping — how much they received, how often, how it varied among customer demographics, how large a portion of their income tipping made up, etc. And it turns out that service industry workers have a lot to say on the topic.

I supplemented my findings with the help of a bunch of readers who wrote with detailed information about their own experiences and with a large amount of research, especially from the website of Wm. Michael Lynn, a leading tipping expert.

So I know stuff about this now. Here’s what you need to know before you tip someone.

1. The stats.

The most critical step in avoiding Ambiguous Tipping Situations is just knowing what you’re supposed to do. I took all the stats that seem to have a broad consensus on them and put them into this table:

This table nicely fills in key gaps in my previous knowledge. The basic idea with the low/average/high tipping levels used above is that if you’re in the average range, you’re fine and forgotten. If you’re in the low or high range, you’re noticed and remembered. And service workers have memories like elephants.

2. What tipping well (or not well) means for your budget.

Since tipping is such a large part of life, it seems like we should stop to actually understand what being a low, average, or high tipper means for our budget.

Looking at it simply, you can do some quick math and figure out one portion of your budget. For example, maybe you think you have 100 restaurant meals a year at about $25/meal — so according to the above chart, being a low, average, and high restaurant tipper all year will cost you $350 (14% tips), $450 (18% tips), and $550 (22% tips) a year. In this example, it costs a low tipper $100/year to become an average tipper and an average tipper $100/year to become a high tipper.

I got a little more comprehensive and came up with three rough profiles: Low Spender, Mid Spender, and High Spender. These vary both in the frequency of times they go to a restaurant or bar or hotel, etc., and the fanciness of the services they go to — i.e., High Spender goes to fancy restaurants and does so often and Low Spender goes out to eat less often and goes to cheaper places. I did this to cover the extremes and the middle; you’re probably somewhere in between.

3. Other factors that should influence specific tipping decisions.

One thing my interviews made clear is that there’s this whole group of situation-related factors that service industry workers think are super relevant to the amount you should tip — it’s just that customers never got the memo. Most customers have their standard tip amount in mind and don’t really think about it much beyond that.

Here’s what service workers want you to consider when you tip them:

Time matters. Sometimes a bartender cracks open eight bottles of beer, which takes 12 seconds, and sometimes she makes eight multi-ingredient cocktails with olives and a whole umbrella scene on each, which takes four minutes, and those two orders should not be tipped equally, even though they might cost the same amount.

Effort matters. Food delivery guys are undertipped. They’re like a waiter, except your table is on the other side of the city. $2 really isn’t a sufficient tip (and one delivery guy I talked to said 20% of people tip nothing). $3 or $4 is much better. And when it’s storming outside? The delivery guys I talked to all said the tips don’t change in bad weather — that’s not logical. Likewise, while tipping on takeout orders is nice but not necessary, one restaurant manager complained to me about Citibank ordering 35 lunches to go every week, which takes a long time for some waiter to package (with the soup wrapped carefully, coffees rubber-banded, dressings and condiments put in side containers) and never tipping. Effort matters and that deserves a tip.

Their salary matters. It might not make sense that in the U.S. we’ve somewhat arbitrarily deemed certain professions as “tipped professions” whereby the customers are in charge of paying the professional’s salary instead of their employer, but that’s the way it is. And as such, you have some real responsibility when being served by a tipped professional that you don’t have when being served by someone else.

It’s nice to give a coffee barista a tip, but you’re not a horrible person if you don’t because at least they’re getting paid without you. Waiters and bartenders, on the other hand, receive somewhere between $2 and $5/hour (usually closer to $2), and this part of their check usually goes entirely to taxes. Your tips are literally their only income. They also have to “tip out” the other staff, so when you tip a waiter, you’re also tipping the busboy, bartender, and others. For these reasons, it’s never acceptable to tip under 15%, even if you hate the service. The way to handle terrible service is to complain to the manager like you would in a non-tipping situation. You’re not allowed to stiff on the tip and make them work for free.

Service matters. It seems silly to put this in because it seems obvious, and yet, Michael Lynn’s research shows the amount that people tip barely correlates at all to the quality of service they receive. So while stiffing isn’t OK, it’s good to have a range in mind, not a set percentage, since good service should be tipped better than bad service.

I also discovered some other interesting (and weird) findings and facts about tipping.

1. Different demographics absolutely do tip differently

“Do any demographics of people — age, gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, profession — tend to tip differently than others?” ran away with the “Most Uncomfortable Question to Ask or Answer” award during my interviews, but it yielded some pretty interesting info. I only took seriously a viewpoint I heard at least three times, and in this post, I’m only including those viewpoints that were backed up by my online research and Lynn’s statistical studies.

Here’s the overview, which is a visualization of the results of Lynn’s polling of over 1,000 waiters. Below, each category of customer is placed at their average rating over the 1,000+ waiter surveys in the study:

Fascinating and awkward. Throughout my interviews, I heard a lot of opinions reinforcing what’s on that chart and almost none that contradicted it. The easiest one for people to focus on was foreigners being bad tippers because, first, it’s not really a demographic so it’s less awkward, and second, people could blame it on them “not knowing,” if they didn’t want to be mean. Others, though, scoffed at that, saying, “Oh they know…” As far as foreigners go, the French have the worst reputation.

People also consistently said those who act “entitled” or “fussy” or “like the world’s out to get them” are usually terrible tippers.

On the good-tipping side, people who are vacationing or drunk (or both) tip well, as do “regulars” who get to know the staff, and of course, the group of people everyone agrees are the best tippers are those who also work in the service industry (which, frankly, creeped me out by the end — they’re pretty cultish and weird about how they feel about tipping each other well).

2. Here are six proven ways for waiters to increase their tips:

Be the opposite gender of your customer
Introduce yourself by name
Sit at the table or squat next to it when taking the order
Touch the customer, in a non-creepy way
Give the customer candy when you bring the check

Of course those things work. Humans are simple.

3. A few different people said that when a tip is low, they assume the customer is cheap or hurting for money.

But when it’s high, they assume it’s because they did a great job serving the customer or because they’re likable (not that the customer is generous).

4. When a guy tips an attractive female an exorbitant amount, it doesn’t make her think he’s rich or generous or a big shot — it makes her think he’s trying to impress her.

Very transparent and ineffective, but she’s pleased to have the extra money.

5. Don’t put a zero in the tip box if it’s a situation when you’re not tipping — it apparently comes off as mean and unnecessary.

Just leave it blank and write in the total.

6. According to valets and bellhops, when people hand them a tip, they almost always do the “double fold” where they fold the bills in half twice and hand it to them with the numbers facing down so the amount of the tip is hidden.

However, when someone’s giving a really great tip, they usually hand them the bills unfolded and with the amount showing.

7. Some notes about other tipping professions I didn’t mention above:

Apparently no one tips flight attendants, and if you do, you’ll probably receive free drinks thereafter.
Golf caddies say that golfers tip better when they play better, but they always tip the best when it’s happening in front of clients.
Tattoo artists expect $10-20 on a $100 job and $40-60 on a $400 job, but they get nothing from 30% of people.
A massage therapist expects a $15-20 tip and receives one 95% of the time — about half of a massage therapist’s income is tips.
A whitewater rafting guide said he always got the best tips after a raft flipped over or something happened where people felt in danger.
Strippers not only usually receive no salary, they often receive a negative salary, i.e. they need to pay the club a fee in order to work there.

8. According to Lynn, tips in the U.S. add up to over $40 billion each year.

This is more than double NASA’s budget.

9. The U.S. is the most tip-crazed country in the world, but there’s a wide variety of tipping customs in other countries.

Tipping expert Magnus Thor Torfason’s research shows that 31 service professions involve tipping in the U.S. That number is 27 in Canada, 27 in India, 15 in the Netherlands, 5-10 throughout Scandinavia, 4 in Japan, and 0 in Iceland.

10. The amount of tipping in a country tends to correlate with the amount of corruption in the country.

This is true even after controlling for factors like national GDP and crime levels. The theory is that the same norms that encourage tipping end up leaking over into other forms of exchange. The U.S. doesn’t contribute to this general correlation, with relatively low corruption levels.

11. Celebrities should tip well because the person they tip will tell everyone they know about it forever, and everyone they tell will tell everyone they know about it forever.

For example: A friend of mine served Arnold Schwarzenegger and his family at a fancy lunch place in Santa Monica called Cafe Montana. Since he was the governor, they comped him the meal. And he left a $5 bill as the tip. I’ve told that story to a lot of people.

Celebrities known to tip well (these are the names that come up again and again in articles about this): Johnny Depp, Charles Barkley, David Letterman, Bill Murray, Charlie Sheen, Drew Barrymore
Celebrities known to tip badly: Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey, LeBron James, Heidi Klum, Bill Cosby, Madonna, Barbara Streisand, Rachael Ray, Sean Penn, Usher

I’ll finish off by saying that digging into this has made it pretty clear that it’s bad to be a bad tipper.

Don’t be a bad tipper.

As far as average versus high, that’s a personal choice and just a matter of where you want to dedicate whatever charity dollars you have to give to the world.

There’s no shame in being an average tipper and saving the generosity for other places, but I’d argue that the $200 or $500 or $1,500 per year it takes (depending on your level of spending) to become a high tipper is a pretty good use of money. Every dollar means a ton in the world of tips.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why, and all photos are used here with permission. Wait But Why posts regularly, and they send each post out by email to over 275,000 people! Enter your email here and they’ll put you on the list (they only send a few emails each month).

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A post shared by Shannon M. Clark, MD, FACOG (@babiesafter35)

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@nicoxrette
I will be talking to the school, the office was closed by the time my child got home from school. I’m honestly appalled. Who okayed this? #parents #middleschool #middleschoolers #socialstudies #classroom #teachers #ancientgreece #feminist #feminism #sexist #sexism #fyp #fypシ #fypviralシ #wwyd #thoughts
♬ original sound – nico 🪐

“How would you feel if your 13-year-old daughter came home with a paper that said they wouldn’t be able to enter a classroom without a boy escort and would be required to pick up after them every day?” she asked. She was clear that she liked a lot of what the project was trying to do, like the Greek names, the costumes, and the intellectual discussions so that just made the subservience requirement harder to explain away. “So why was this even necessary?” she asked.

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@anaa_dreams
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“No. I’m not mad at her,” Ana clarified. Which, given that 15 million people now find her labor hilarious, seems remarkably generous.

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Dads, Family

Dad demands DNA test after his daughter is born with the ‘wrong’ eye and hair color

Was he right to be skeptical?

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

4/23/2026

The presumed father of a newborn baby was skeptical of his paternity after the baby girl was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. He and his wife of two years have brown hair and brown eyes, so he thought there was no chance it was his child.

The wife reassured her husband that they could have a blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby and that, quite often, a baby’s hair and eye color can change over time.

But the husband “freaked out at this and refused to listen,” the wife wrote in a viral post on Reddit’s AITA page. Instead, he “demanded a paternity test and threatened to divorce me if I didn’t comply, so I did.”

The husband and his family created problems when there wasn’t one

The man was so confident that after the baby was born, he moved into his mother’s house while he awaited the results of the DNA test. The wife stayed home with the baby and was helped through the first few weeks by her sister.

Couple after an argument. Photo credit: Canva

To make things worse, the wife’s mother-in-law began to make threats. “My mother-in-law called and informed me that if the paternity test revealed that the child wasn’t his, she would do anything within her power to make sure that I was ‘taken to the cleaners’ during the divorce,” the mom shared on Reddit.

Finally, three weeks after the child was born, the DNA test results arrived and the husband came home to read them with his wife. “I was on the couch in the living room, so he sat next to me and we started to read the results,” she wrote. “They showed that he was the father and my husband had this shocked, kinda mortified look on his face with his eyes wide as he stared at it.”

The wife said, “I told you so,” and laughed in his face. In the post, the wife also notes she has “zero history” of cheating.

Can two brown-eyed parents have a blue-eyed baby?

Although it is rare for two people with brown eyes and brown hair to have a blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby, it is entirely possible. According to genetics researchers, when both parents have brown eyes, the chance of having a blue-eyed baby is roughly 6%, though this can increase if blue eyes run in either family. And, as the wife noted earlier, a baby’s eye color can change over its first year of life.

Further, two people with brown hair can have a blonde-haired child if both parents carry the recessive gene for blonde hair. The blonde hair may darken over time as well.

If the father had done a quick Google search on the topic, he would have quickly realized that there was a very strong case that he was the father and the drama could have stopped before any damage was done to the marriage.

The support from Reddit users was huge

The positive part of this story is that the wife’s post on Reddit earned her a ton of support from people who thought her husband’s antics were utterly inappropriate. The support probably also helped to put her husband’s wild behavior into perspective while she determined their future. The wife felt bad about laughing at her husband, but most people thought it was appropriate, given her husband’s initial response.

“Not only doesn’t he have a basic grasp of genetics, he threw a tantrum and left you immediately after having the baby to struggle alone for almost a month,” CrystalQueen3000 commented. “He’s lucky all you did was laugh in his face.”

A lot of commenters thought that the woman should leave her husband for accusing her of cheating and leaving her alone with the child.

“Honestly, if my husband left me for weeks after giving birth due to a faint assumption like this, I would be done. I can’t be together with someone who abandoned me when I needed them desperately,” another commenter wrote.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: TikTok: @dadbehindthechair – The moment he stopped, it was straight to bed.

Family, Parenting

Genius parents devise bedtime ritual: son is allowed to stay up late, but he has to run

Sensory input can help little ones fall asleep, according to science.

Kat Hong

4/23/2026
Recently, a TikTok featuring one very determined boy went viral. His parents struck the deal of a lifetime: he could stay up past his bedtime. The only caveat? He had to keep running. The moment he stopped, it was straight to bed. The video shows the little boy sprinting in circles around the room, clinging to those extra minutes of freedom while his parents cheer him on. Three minutes later, he’s wiped. The caption reads, “A win is a win.”

@dadbehindthechair
A win is a win (& 3 minutes later he was ready for bed 😎)
♬ Chopin Nocturne No. 2 Piano Mono – moshimo sound design

If you’ve ever watched your own kid get this exact second wind, you can probably feel that kid’s energy through the screen. Memories flood in: tiny feet pounding down the hallway, wild giggles, and a voice yelling, “Watch this!” as your toddler launches themselves onto a pile of pillows.

Then, a little voice in your head chimes in: “Fantastic. There goes bedtime.“

But who said that burst of energy before bed is the enemy of sleep? What if it were a crucial part of your child’s nighttime routine? Child‑development and sleep experts agree: under the right conditions, a little active play before bedtime can help some toddlers wind down and sleep more soundly. Let’s unpack what’s going on with those bedtime zoomies—and how to work with them instead of fighting them.

Why toddlers get “jacked up on life” at bedtime

Toddlers collect stress during the day: following rules at daycare; sharing toys they really, really don’t want to; sitting still at dinner; holding in big feelings because you’re not “supposed to” melt down in the grocery store (even though no one wants to buy you that gummy candy you’ve been asking nicely for). By the time evening comes around, all of that unprocessed emotional energy that has been slowly building up is still there in their little bodies.

Active, joyful play gives them a safe pressure valve.

Toddlers collect stress during the day. Canva

When your toddler is pulling, pushing, jumping, and climbing, their brain releases feel-good endorphins that help them de-stress. Plus, playful contact with parents—wrestling, piggyback rides, being scooped up and spun—boosts oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” that makes us feel safe and connected. Silly, physical play is essential for toddlers as it helps them move tension through the body and ultimately release it. That’s what’s happening in the viral video as this kid runs laps around the room. “Heavy work” helps many sensory-seeking children feel more regulated and ready for rest.

Think of it as a reset button for an overloaded little nervous system.

The power of active play before bedtime

When you time it right and keep things intentional, a short burst of active play before bed can lead to real, tangible changes. Many “out of nowhere” meltdowns at bedtime aren’t really about their pajamas being itchy or needing “one more story.” They’re the culmination of everything your child has been holding in all day.

That’s why a few minutes of big, silly movement is so essential: it gives that tension a place to go. Laughing, rolling, jumping, and even running laps around their small bedroom is your child’s body saying, “I’m letting go of the day” before heading to bed. They’re practicing turning down the excitement.

Not all play is chaos. Games with start and stop points built in (“run to the wall… now, FREEZE!”), games that take turns, and those that toggle between fast and slow tempos help toddlers learn that their energy comes with emergency brakes.

That’s emotional regulation in disguise. You’re teaching their brain, “We can go big… and then we can come back down.” That same skill shows up later when it’s time to be still, close their eyes, and drift off.

It deepens your connection

Most toddlers just want their parents to be there at bedtime, present and solely focused on them. When you put your phone down and spend even five minutes playing—being the horse and letting them climb on top of you, assuming the role of ‘tickle monster’ or the bridge they crawl under—you add to their sense of connection right before the hardest separation of the day: saying goodnight.

Feeling seen and secure can make bedtime seem less like a painful goodbye and more like a soft landing. Large sleep studies on young children have found that simple, consistent bedtime routines—brushing teeth, reading stories, cuddling, a light jog—are linked with longer, less disruptive sleep and fewer behavioral struggles over time.

It helps their bodies feel ready to rest

In the same way that adults sleep more deeply after a long walk or a workout, toddlers’ bodies respond to movement. A little physical effort equals a calm mind, which sends the clear signal: “Oh, right. We already did our big moves. Now, we can rest.”

Physical activity can lead to faster bedtimes. Canva

For some families, that combination (physical activity and emotional regulation) can lead to faster bedtimes, fewer “one more” negotiations, and restorative sleep. Instead of an emotional 40-minute standoff about “I’m not ready for bed” nonsense (even when their eyes are literally halfway closed), their bedtime routine transforms into an easy cycle: five minutes of running around, a deep breath, one fairytale, and lights off.

How to add energy that doesn’t wreck bedtime

An important note: this is not about letting your child go wild until they crash. It’s a little intentional play that turns into a clear, gentle slide into calm. The viral TikTok provides a wonderful example of that system at play: parents say yes to movement, but it’s contained within the parameters of “bedtime.”

@courtneyenglish.ot
It can be difficult to calm you child’s body before bed! Try these during your next bed time routine! #momsoftiktok #toddlermom #preschoolmom #sensoryprocessing #bedtimeroutine #bedtimeactivites #pediatricot #pediatricoccupationaltherapy #occupationaltherapy
♬ original sound – Courtney | Pediatric OT

1. Start early

Aim to begin active play about 40–60 minutes before bedtime. Keep the high-energy section brief, ideally about 5 to 15 minutes. Consider running, jumping, and horse play as openers to your bedtime routine, not the grand finale.

2. Choose “heavy work” activities

Many toddlers, especially the endlessly wiggly ones, crave what therapists call “heavy work”: pushing, pulling, climbing, and crashing that give deep input to their muscles and joints. For many sensory‑seeking kids, that kind of play is especially soothing.

A few ideas:
- Pull your toddler on a smooth blanket down the hallway like a “train ride.”
- Let them jump from a mini trampoline or low stool into a safe pillow pile.
- Offer piggyback rides and pretend you are different animals (a bouncy kangaroo, a slow turtle, a galloping horse).
Again, the goal isn’t to exhaust them. Their bodies are chock-full of pent-up energy. Laughing and physical activity act as powerful release valves.

3. Build a clear transition

When active play is over, you need a simple ritual that says, “We’re shifting gears now.”

You might:
- Set a simple timer and say, “Two more minutes of big play, then we are heading to the bath.”
- Turn the overhead lights down and switch on a softer lamp.
- Lower your voice and move into the next steady step: bath, pajamas, teeth, stories.
For this portion, it’s wise to repeat the same order and steps on most nights. Their brains start to recognize the pattern: big play leads to a calm routine, which turns into sleep.

A parent’s attention is all a child wants. Canva

4. Stay present, even if you’re tired

No one is asking you to suit up and become a wrestling maniac every night like it’s the WWE. But even when you’re exhausted or “touched out,” you can still provide an anchor.

Set up the pillow pile. Hold the blanket they are pulling. Referee a sibling “pillow tower demolition.” Cheer them on from the floor as they run their own version of that TikTok sprint.

More than any specific game, your attention makes this one of connection, not chaos.

Oh, and never forget that safety is non-negotiable. Before engaging in active play, scan the room for sharp corners or tripping hazards. Skip roughhousing if your child already looks overtired or seems unsteady.

When active play may not be the right fit

For some kids, bedtime rough-and-tumble is simply not the answer. That’s okay. If your toddler is sensitive to noise, sudden movement, and general chaos, high-energy play in the evening might leave their pint-sized nervous system feeling frenetic rather than soothed. Children who are “sensory avoidant” often wind down better with gentler, predictable routines before sleep.

Red flags that the play is too much or too late:
- Their giggles tip into frantic, wild running they cannot seem to stop.
- They are more tearful, not less, once the game ends.
- It consistently pushes bedtime later and later, even with a calm routine afterward.
In cases like these, consider leaning into cozy sensory activities, like deep pressure hugs, slow rocking, or quiet stretches, and keep high-energy play earlier in the day.

@sarahockwellsmith
Why you should introduce active play with your children before bedtime? #parentingtips #learnwithtiktok #tiktoktips #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #parentsbelike #parentinghack101 #parentinghacks101 #mumsoftiktok #toddlersoftiktok #toddlersleep #sleeptraining #sleeptrainingtips #sleeptrainingtoddler #sleeptrainwithoutsleeptraining #gentleparenting #gentleparentinghacks #gentlesleepcoach #gentlesleeptraining #gentlesleepchanges #preschoolactivities #bedtimeroutine #childsleep #tiredmumsclub
♬ Emotional Piano for the Soul (Inspirational Background Music) – Fearless Motivation Instrumentals

Make bedtime more joyful

Sure, bedtime can be stressful, but it can also provide a daily opportunity to reconnect with your child.

A few moments of wild laughter. A blanket ride down the hallway. One last big jump into your arms. These are the moments their bodies will remember when the lights go out. It all provides a sense of “I moved, I let it out, I am safe. They are here.”

For some toddlers, this is exactly the safety that lets their brain finally say, “Okay, I can sleep now.”

If you have a high-energy child, you might try five minutes of play tonight. See what happens. Under the right conditions, those bedtime zoomies might be the precursor of a sweet night’s sleep for both of you.
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Photo credit: Canva, @emilykmay/X – woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window

Family, Moms

People are in disbelief learning how many moms literally daydream about being hospitalized

It’s a real phenomenon.

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

4/23/2026

It’s hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven’t done it. It’s wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that, it truly is, but it’s a lot. Like, a lot. It’s a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There’s no question that it’s amazing, but it’s really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they’re running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don’t pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it’s not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized, not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay simply to get a genuine break.

The mental and physical exhaustion of parenting

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: “[I don’t know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days.”

In a follow-up tweet, she added, “And other moms are like ‘yeah totally’ while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror.”

Mothers share their own experiences

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

“And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice,” wrote one mom.

“I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss,” shared another.

An exhausted mom holds her newborn baby. Photo credit: Canva

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it’s not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That’s why she pointed to “lack of community care” in her original post.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We’re not just running the ultramarathon. We’re also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes and we’re doing it all without any rest.

Why moms daydream about being hospitalized

Why don’t moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It’s not that simple. Many people don’t have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there’s a certain level of “mom guilt” that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it’s forced. If you’re in the hospital, you have to be there, so there’s no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making. Someone else is calling all the shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting. No one needs anything from you. And unlike when you’re on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you’re in the hospital aren’t going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They’ll leave you to let you rest.

When a real hospital stay becomes a vacation

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that she had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion’s share of childcare, or “delightful utter chaos” as she refers to it, fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

“When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at ‘the spa,’ and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in,” she tells Upworthy. “My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom.”

A mom relaxing in a chair Image via Canva

When you have young children, your concept of what’s relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me. I didn’t even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than “Open a little wider, please.”

Obviously, being hospitalized isn’t ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren’t a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break, not just an hour or two, but a few days. However, maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn’t feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to rejuvenate.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: Canva – Big brothers can be the best helpers.

Family, Kids

Mom captures her 10-yr-old son on camera at 3am comforting her toddler so she could sleep

“He said he wanted me to get some rest because I did a lot that day.”

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

4/23/2026

The best feeling as a parent is when your child does something that exemplifies good character, especially when they do it without being asked and without expecting any recognition or reward for it. Seeing your kid practicing patience, kindness, and helpfulness, even when they think no one is looking—that’s when you know that all your hard parenting work is paying off.

fSo when you’re a mom with six kids and the baby monitor in your 18-month-old’s nursery shows your 10-year-old stepping up to help his little brother—in the middle of the night, no less, your heart might melt a little. And when he tells you the thoughtful reason why he didn’t just come and get you when he heard his brother fussing, your heart just might explode.

A viral video captured this scenario at Gloria McIntosh’s house in Ohio in 2020, and it could not be sweeter.

McIntosh told TODAY Parents that she always told her kids that the true test of a person’s character is what they do when no one is around, a lesson that her son, Mason, clearly took to heart when he got up at 3 a.m. to comfort his 18-month-old brother, Greyson.

The moment captured on the baby monitor

@gloriaangelou
@lighteyemason 💙💙🤴🏾
♬ Surrender – Natalie Taylor

“The baby woke up in the middle of the night,” McIntosh wrote. “I heard him fussing so I just checked the camera to see if he would just fall back asleep and saw his brother showing the best example of love and patience. He stayed with him for almost 30 minutes trying to get him back to sleep. I eventually came in and got the baby, and asked my son why he didn’t just come and get me.”

Why Mason didn’t wake his mom up

The reason was as thoughtful as can be.

“He said he wanted me to get some rest, because I did a lot that day. While parenting is not his responsibility, just the fact that he understood that he is his brother’s keeper, and considered my long day as a mom, is much appreciated. ❤️”

When he climbed into the crib with him? Gracious. That’s when you know your kids are going to be all right.

“I was smiling the whole time,” McIntosh told TODAY Parents. “He has a love for Greyson that is unspeakable. I can’t even really explain it.”

McIntosh said Mason is a natural caregiver. “I’m sure Mason was tired and cranky. He was woken up at 3 a.m.,” she said. “But how you saw him treat his brother is how he is. He steps up.”

Some kids are just awesome, but there’s a lot to be said for setting an example and nurturing kids in an environment where they feel inspired to be helpful as well. Clearly McIntosh has done something right for her son to step up in that way. Watch the way she soothes her 4-year-old when he had a bad dream in the middle of the night, and it’s easy to see where Mason gets it.

@gloriaangelou
#maxtoncharles #momlife
♬ Surrender – Natalie Taylor

Well done, Mason. And well done, mama. You can follow Gloria on TikTok.

This article originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

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