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The next time someone blames mass shootings on mental illness, send them this.

As thousands across the nation prepare to take to the streets on March 24, 2018, for The March for Our Lives, we're taking a look at some of the root causes, long-lasting effects, and approaches to solving the gun violence epidemic in America. We'll have a new installment every day this week.

In the winter of 2012, an undergraduate student who'd just taken my abnormal psychology course sent me an email.

The note was short, containing a link to an article about Adam Lanza (the Sandy Hook shooter) and two questions: Did mental illness drive him to do what he did? And if so, did that mean that what I'd told her in class, that the mentally ill were no more dangerous than the rest of the population, wasn't true?


It's a question I've heard with alarming frequency since.

By now, it's like clockwork: A tragedy happens, thoughts and prayers are deployed, gun control is quickly shouted down ("No way to prevent this!" and "Now is not the time to speak about gun reform!"), and then top politicians — including the president — demand and vow to treat mental health as a top issue.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

It all seems so intuitive. Because committing murder with an assault weapon isn't something most people would do, mental illness must be the cause.

"So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior," President Donald Trump tweeted shortly after the Parkland shooting in February.

But Trump offered no criteria for the shooter's mental illness. Nor did he recognize that mental illness has never been one thing. And he ignored the painful reality that conflating mental illness with violence stigmatizes the millions of people worldwide who live with psychiatric disorders.

He wasn't the only one: In a Washington Post poll conducted right after Parkland, 57% of responders cited "problems identifying and treating people with mental health problems" as the driving force behind mass shootings. "Inadequate gun laws" received only 28% of the vote.

Whenever mental illness is brought up, we act as if the conversation were over. It shouldn't be.

As a country, we know very little about mental illness. In fact, a recent study out of Michigan State University found that under 50% of respondents could identify signs of anxiety, a condition experienced by fully 18% of American adults. And most people had no clue about how depression was treated.

This lack of knowledge keeps us scared. It turns every psychiatric condition into a boogeyman that's lurking around the corner. And it makes those of us who live with mental illness hesitant to talk about our conditions openly to provide more knowledge.

That's right: us. I don't just teach and write about psychology; I've lived with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

And while I agree that mental health reform needs to take place, it's not because people who live with the conditions I do — or a multitude of other conditions — are more dangerous to others. It's because the system makes it so hard for so many to get help.

It's because so many people (up to 47%, according to a 2013 survey) would feel uncomfortable living close to someone with a "serious" mental illness. Most of them don't even know what a "serious" mental illness is.

The truth is that gun violence isn't a result of mental illness. But mental illness is an easy scapegoat.

A sign outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school in Parkland, Florida. Photo by Rhona Wise/AFP/Getty Images.

As the Kaiser Family Foundation noted in 2013, it is impossible to know what kind of backlash mass shootings like the one that occurred at Sandy Hook (and the ones that have since happened in Las Vegas, Orlando, and Parkland) create against innocent people.

The mentally ill are no more dangerous than the rest of the population.

I get it. There's got to be a reason why bad people do awful things. We need something to grab onto in the wake of a tragedy. That's why one of the first places our brains go is mental illness. Ā 

The results of a 2006 survey indicated that 60% of Americans believed that those living with schizophrenia were more likely to commit violence. A worrying 32% thought the same of those living with depression. It's why the news was so quick to seize upon the fact that Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock had been prescribed anti-anxiety medication, even though there's no evidence that it made any contribution to his crimes.

The reality is much more complex. While it's possible that those living with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder may be slightly more likely to engage in violent behavior (not necessarily with firearms), getting rid of these disorders would prevent a tiny slice of violence at best.

Dr. Jeffrey Swanson, a psychiatrist, professor, and researcher who studies the connection between mental illness and violence, told ProPublica that curing mental illness would only stem violence by 4%. "Most violence in society is caused by other things," he said.

A 2001 study of adolescent mass murderers found that only 1 in 4 had any sort of psychiatric history. That's a worrying number to be sure, but it was far outmatched by their seemingly "well" counterparts. And Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist who maintains a database of mass shooters through the years has found that out of 350 mass killers, 65% had no history of severe mental illness.

His conclusion? That it's not the mental illness that's the problem. It's how much access the individual has to guns.

"In my large file of mass murders, if you look decade by decade, the numbers of victims are fairly small up until the 1960s," Stone told The New York Times in 2017. Ā "That's when the deaths start going way up. When the AK-47s and the Kalashnikovs and the Uzis — all these semiautomatic weapons, when they became so easily accessible."

A 2015 article published by The American Psychiatric Association found that "mass shootings by people with serious mental illness represent less than 1% of all yearly gun-related homicides." The authors concluded that mass shooters were "unlikely to have psychiatric histories" and that focusing only on the mentally ill when considering gun control would be ineffective, considering the small size of the group.

And a 2003 paper published in World Psychiatry notes that "mental disorders are neither necessary nor sufficient causes of violence. Major determinants of violence continue to be socio-demographic and economic factors."

It's a cold and inconvenient truth: Gun restrictions placed only on the mentally ill wouldn't change gun violence as we know it. They may not even make a dent.

As the #NeverAgain movement has reminded us over and over: Gun reform on a large scale is the only way we'll transform the problem.

Of course, more research would be great too. But a 1996 spending amendment prevents the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from using federal funds to conduct studies that would "advocate or promote gun control."

A student participates in the 17-minute walkout on March 14th. Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

There are many more people living with mental illness than you'd probably guess.

Think about how many people you know. Now consider how many of those people may be struggling with their mental health in some way.

You're probably greatly underestimating that number. That's not just because there is a wide range of psychiatric disorders; it's because you can't tell who is mentally ill just by looking at them (that's just one of many myths) and because of the stigma those who live with these disorders face.

A 2003 survey conducted in England found that 60% of people believed only 10% of the population would be affected by mental health problems in their lifetime. But that's simply not true. Depression, for instance, is now reported to be "the leading cause of disability worldwide" by the World Health Organization. It affects more than 300 million people on Earth. And the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 18.5 million adults (that's 1 in 5) experience a mental disorder in any given year.

Do those numbers tell you something? They should.

Considering the disparity between the number of people who live with mental illness and the number of people who commit mass shootings, there's no way that we can blame the majority of gun violence — or any violence — on this group of people.

Those who are mentally ill are actually more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. They're also more likely to hurt themselves. As Bright Magazine notes, "mental illness plays a role in two-thirds of American gun deaths."

But those deaths aren't a result of mass shootings or homicide. They're the result of people with mental illnesses dying by suicide.

And that's why mental illness can't be the scapegoat.

If we're ever going to overhaul the mental health system, the first thing we need to do is create a climate where talking about mental illness isn't stigmatizing. Trump was proof that such an environment doesn't exist when he referred to the mentally ill as "sickos" while demanding we put more guns in schools:

It's in our nature to try to remove uncertainty. That's just the way humans work. And it's especially true when we consider gun violence. In the wake of a mass tragedy, we need some reasoning to grasp onto. Something that can point to a cause.

But just as "mental illness" is too broad a label to put on the myriad conditions and syndromes of its sufferers, correlating mass shootings to it only serves to other the millions that live with mental illness daily, making them feel (and be treated as) less-than. It's an incorrect conclusion drawn by oversimplification.

Here's how I try to talk about mental illness in my lectures: There's an insurance commercial I love (but can no longer find — that's how it always seems to go, right?). In it, a good driver is celebrated by color commentators, who gleefully yell about the driver using signals and turning correctly.

The idea is that we often don't reward people for their good behavior, that we only focus on the bad. It gives me a good feeling.

I mention this commercial because focusing on the bad is exactly what we do when we discuss mental illness. Where are the news stories that celebrate the ordinary people who are doing their best while living with anxiety and depression? The people who have stable lives because they're treating their schizophrenia? Because they see a therapist? Considering the numbers, they absolutely exist.

But the only time we discuss mental health as a nation is in the wake of these tragedies, when baseless accusations trump facts. When it's easy to point fingers.

And when "mental health reform" is used as a convenient way to sidestep the role that assault weapons play in mass shootings, we all suffer.

All of us deserve better than that.

For more of our look at America's gun violence epidemic, check out other stories in this series:

And see our coverage of to-the-heart speeches and outstanding protest signs from the March for Our Lives on March 24, 2018.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

ā€œWhen I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,ā€ Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.


ā€œI went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,ā€ Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

ā€œShe immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,ā€ Omary said. ā€œFrom that moment on, she became my support system.ā€

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

ā€œShe would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,ā€ Omary said. ā€œShe helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.ā€

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

ā€œHer support truly changed my life,ā€ Omary said. ā€œHer motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.ā€

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

ā€œThat experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,ā€ she said. ā€œI want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.ā€

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

ā€œWelcoming new families today has many challenges,ā€ Omary said. ā€œOne major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.ā€ For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

ā€œWelcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,ā€ Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

ā€œI built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,ā€ Omary said. ā€œCommunity and kindness were my greatest strengths.ā€

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s ā€œThe Threads Between U.S.ā€ series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.


argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

  • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
  • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
  • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
  • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

Planet

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 šŸ’—

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 šŸ’—
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Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're bringing back our favorite giveaway with Ocean Wise. You have the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Our recommendation? Celebrate love for all your people this Valentine's Day! Treat your mom friends to a relaxing spa trip, take your best friend to an incredible concert, or enjoy a beach adventure with your sibling! Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner or enjoying a movie night in, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:


  • Go to upworthy.com/oceandate and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.S. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Give mom some relaxation

She’s up before the sun and still going at bedtime. She’s the calendar keeper, the lunch packer, the one who remembers everything so no one else has to. Moms are always creating magic for us. This Valentine’s Day, we’re all in for her. Win an eco-friendly spa day near you, plus a stash of All In snack bars—because she deserves a treat that’s as real as she is. Good for her, kinder to the ocean. That’s the kind of love we can all get behind.


Special thanks to our friends at All In who are all in on helping moms!

2. Jump in the ocean, together

Grab your favorite person and get some much-needed ocean time. Did you know research on ā€œblue spacesā€ suggests that being near water is linked with better mental health and well-being, including feeling calmer and less stressed? We’ll treat you to a beach adventure like a surfing or sailing class, plus ocean-friendly bags from GOT Bag and blankets from Sand Cloud so your day by the water feels good for you and a little gentler on the ocean too.

Special thanks to our friends at GOT Bag. They make saving the ocean look stylish and fun!

3. Couch potato time

Love nights in as much as you love a date night out? We’ve got you. Have friends over for a movie night or make it a cozy night in with your favorite person. You’ll get a Disney+ and Hulu subscription so you can watch Nat Geo ocean content, plus a curated list of ocean-friendly documentaries and a movie-night basket of snacks. Easy, comfy, and you’ll probably come out of it loving the ocean even more.

4. Dance all day!

Soak up the sun and catch a full weekend of live music at BeachLife Festival in Redondo Beach, May 1–3, 2026, featuring Duran Duran, The Offspring, James Taylor and His All-Star Band, The Chainsmokers, My Morning Jacket, Slightly Stoopid, and Sheryl Crow. The perfect date to bring your favorite person on!

We also love that BeachLife puts real energy into protecting the coastline it’s built on by spotlighting ocean and beach-focused nonprofit partners and hosting community events like beach cleanups.

Date includes two (2) three-day GA tickets. Does not include accommodation, travel, or flights.

5. Chef it up (at home)

Stay in and cook something delicious with someone you love. We’ll hook you up with sustainable seafood ingredients and some additional goodies for a dinner for two, so you can eat well and feel good knowing your meal supports healthier oceans and more responsible fishing.

Giveaway ends 2/15/26 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at upworthy.com/oceandate

neil degrasse typson, astrophysicist, science, universe, science communicator

Neil deGrasse Tyson at CSI Con 2022.

One of the greatest philosophical, scientific, and religious questions that humankind has ever asked is: Why is there something instead of nothing? Why do we have a universe, or possibly multiple universes, when there could just be a big nothing and no one or thing to contemplate its lack of existence?

To add another layer to this incredible mystery is the question of what nothing is. We know what something is; we see matter around us and can measure energy, but as humans, we’ve never been able to experience true nothingness, so it feels impossible to comprehend. That’s why we should all be thankful for astrophysicist and science communicator, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He created a video that takes us step by step through how we get from something to nothing in under a minute.



- YouTube www.youtube.com

Step 1: Life on Earth

ā€œIs this nothing?ā€ Tyson asks, waving his hand. ā€œNo, it's air. Let's go with there's no air."

Step 2: Outside our atmosphere

ā€œNo, there's still a few particles floating there between the planets, so it's not quite nothing.ā€

Step 3: Space

ā€œHow about between the stars? Less, but there's still something there. Between the galaxies? Less, but there's still just a few particles per cubic meter that lurk there.ā€

Step 4: Pure vacuum of space

ā€œThere's something called virtual particles that pop in and out of existence. Quantum physics tells us this. So there's still something there.ā€

Step 5: True nothing

"To get a true nothing, you have to go where there's not even space or time. But if laws of physics still apply, then there's still something there. So you have to go to not only where there's no matter and no space time, but where there are no laws at all. Behold, a true nothing.ā€

Tyson explained his concept of "nothing" in a StarTalk episode with his co-host, Chuck Nice.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

If that explanation didn’t quite pull you into the realm of understanding, Sean Carroll, a theoretical physicist and cosmologist, did his best to describe it to Vice.

ā€œIn quantum field theory, which we think is our best way of describing the universe that we have right now, space is kind of interesting,ā€ Carroll explained. ā€œEven if it’s as empty as it can be, there are still quantum mechanical [properties]—they’re just in a zero-energy state not doing anything. But you could probe the vacuum, as particle physics does, and discover its properties.

ā€œEmpty space is a very interesting place in modern physics; there’s a lot going on, whereas, if it were nothing, there would be nothing going on,ā€ he said. ā€œIt’s probably better to think of nothing as the absence of even space and time, rather than space and time without anything in them.ā€

Now that you probably have a good idea of what nothing is, we’re back to the big question: Why is there something instead of nothing? Tyson and Carroll discuss the biggest question in the universe in the section below.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pop Culture

James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

james van der beek
Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.


Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful šŸ’œšŸ™šŸ»šŸ’œ," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !ā¤ļø. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ā¤ļø" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ā¤ļø Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthdayā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

Mental Health

Happiness expert explains why 'imposter syndrome' is a good thing and how to lean into it

"If you feel imposter syndrome, that's great," says Dr. Arthur C. Brooks. "That means all kinds of good things about you."

imposter syndrome, psychology, human behavior, arthur c. brooks, harvard researcher

If you feel like an imposter sometimes, that says something positive about you.

Have you ever created something, or been asked to give a presentation, or gotten an opportunity at work and felt like you weren't good enough for it? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I'm not as capable as they think I am," and had a deep fear that you were going to be outed as a fraud (despite the fact that you do actually have at least some level of skill and competence)?

Chances are, you have. This wave of self-doubt and fear is called "imposter syndrome," and it's quite common. Not only that, but as much as the feeling sucks, it's actually not a bad thing, according to Harvard behavioral social scientist Arthur C. Brooks.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Why having imposter syndrome is a good sign

As a specialist in happiness and author of The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life, Brooks says he works a lot with "strivers" in his research, people who are ambitious and want to do great things with their lives.

"What all strivers I've ever met have in common is that the higher they climb, and the more success that they have, the more insecure they feel in their own success because they're not quite sure that they've earned it or deserve it," Brooks shares. "That's called impostor syndrome. It's completely natural."

In fact, Brooks says, there's only one group of people that imposter syndrome doesn't really affect, and that's the people who actually are imposters.

"It's one of the great ironies I've found is that people who deserve success through hard work and merit and personal responsibility are not quite sure they deserve it. And the people who don't deserve it are often the people who actually are most sure that they do."

strengths, weaknesses,  imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt, Imposter syndrome is very common. Photo credit: Canva

People who don't experience imposter syndrome trigger Brooks' "spider sense," putting him on alert, because it is often a sign of what's known as the "dark triad."

Dark triads, in business or in personal life, are people who are above average in three characteristics: Narcissism (It's all about me). Machiavellianism (I'm willing to do what it takes, including hurting you to get my way.) And psychopathy (to be psychopathic, which is to say, I'm going to hurt you and feel no remorse.) You might think that that's super rare. It's not. One in 14 people in the population is above average on those three characteristics. Dark triads are 7% of the population. You know them. They've broken your heart. They've been disloyal to you. They've taken credit for your work. They've made life miserable, and you try to avoid them."

Brooks says that "good, normal, healthy" people will almost assuredly experience imposter syndrome from time to time, wondering if they have really earned and deserve their success and if they're really up to the task.

 imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt, strengths, weaknesses, Self-doubt is normal. Photo credit: Canva

"What you're doing here, as a healthy person, is that you know what you're good at, and you know what you're not good at," he says. But other people only see what you're good at. You see your full internal landscape, and you can see what you're still trying to get better at. But that's not what the world sees.

"They're looking at the ways that you're creating value," Brooks says. "You're looking at the ways that you can't create value yet. And you tend to focus, because of what psychologists call negativity bias, on what you don't have as opposed to what you have. When you focus as a striving, hard-working, ambitious, and upwardly mobile person on what you don't have, you're going to feel like an imposter. That's just the way it is, unless you're a dark triad."

No one wants to be a dark triad, so having imposter syndrome is actually a positive sign. But that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

How to make imposter syndrome work in your favor

Brooks says understanding your impostor syndrome and trying to get better at the things you see you're not good at yet is the key to using it as an opportunity for growth.

"If you feel imposter syndrome, that's great," he says. "That means all kinds of good things about you. But don't miss the opportunity. Don't miss the opportunity to focus on the ways that you actually can get better and keep striving more for it. Lean into the imposter syndrome without giving in to it. Lean in without giving in. When you're an accomplished professional, and you're upwardly mobile, and you're being successful, what that means is that people are focusing more on your strengths than your weaknesses. And it also says you have more manifest strengths than you do weaknesses."

That's a helpful reminder. If things are going in the opposite direction, your weaknesses may be taking center stage, but Brooks also reminds us that we're not all weaknesses and not all strengths.

strengths, weaknesses, imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt Use imposter syndrome to assess your strengths and weaknesses. Photo credit: Canva

"Here's the problem: If you're a well-adjusted person with a modicum of humility, you're going to feel like a loser when everybody else sees you as a winner, " he says. "But rest assured that when things are going well for you, that means that people are more focused on your strengths than they are on your weaknesses. Don't focus more on your weaknesses than your strengths, but recognize them, because that's your opportunity for growth and change and improvement."

Self-doubt is evidence of a healthy sense of humility, which is good. If we can reframe imposter syndrome, seeing it as a positive sign and an opportunity to determine which areas we can focus on to improve, perhaps it will feel less scary and more like a catalyst for growth.

You can see more from Dr. Brooks at https://arthurbrooks.com/.

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names

Actress Gabourey Sidibe shocks fans by revealing everyone's been mispronouncing her name

Some names take a few tries to get right. People who grew up with slightly more complicated names often envied those who could find their name on keychains at amusement parks. Gabourey Sidibe is personally familiar with the struggle of living with a unique name. The Oscar-nominated actress is known for her breakout role in the 2009 film Precious.

Since stepping onto the scene, the pronunciation of her name seems to vary depending on who says it. But recently, in an interview, the actress revealed that no one has pronounced her name the way her parents intended. Nischelle Turner caught up with the actress on Entertainment Tonight as she promotes her directorial debut for Mary J. Blige Presents: Be Happy, premiering on Lifetime.


After reminiscing on Sidibe's first interview with the network, the pair shifted gears, eventually landing on the actress's name pronunciation. Turner appeared shocked when the mom of twins revealed the proper pronunciation.

It starts with Turner asking if her last name is pronounced " si-da-bay " or "si-di-bay." Neither pronunciation was correct. The actress smiles and says, "It's actually si-DEE-beh. It's Senegalese, so it's got accents that I don't use, but I usually say Sidi-bay because Americans need things to rhyme, so I say it's Sidi-bay like city by the bay. For the record, my name also is not Gab-ou-ray," She laughs. "If that matters."

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names Gabourey SidibeJohn Matthew Smith/Wikimedia Commons

Turner's face says what plenty of viewers were probably thinking. Has the world been pronouncing her entire name incorrectly since she became famous? Yes, yes, it has. "It is actually, Ga-BOU-rey," Sidibe shares while Turner repeats her pronunciation. "You're from America," she giggles nearly uncontrollably. The Entertainment Tonight host demands that the actress make people say her name correctly, but she has no plans to correct people.

Turns out, Sidibe began embracing her Americanized pronunciation when she was still in school. Like many with unique names, she was used to people mispronouncing her name, and she used to correct them. Eventually, she decided that Gabby worked because people didn't have difficulty saying that name. Some people who struggle with others pronouncing their name correctly can go in the opposite direction. They may start not being confident enough to correct others, but as they age, they begin to find themselves demanding that people put in the effort to learn their actual name.

As for Sidibe, she says, "I would rather be some name I decide is good enough rather than it being completely butchered."

People who viewed the clip are happy to learn the pronunciation of her name, with one person sharing, "I’m actually very happy she is telling us how to properly pronounce her name!!"

This person says they have regrets about shortening their name, writing, "I shortened my name when I was younger because I got tired of people butchering it. As I got older, I realized that's their problem, not mine. SAY MY NAME! SAY YOUR NAME!"

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names Gabourey SidibeSiebbi/Wikimedia Commons

Another shares that they love how the actress's name is pronounced, "I LOVE how she actually pronounces it! Beautiful name!"

"Make us learn your name. I love it and it’s who you are . But I get it, folks call me Mya and correcting my whole life is exhausting.. but if I want you to know who I am, ima correct you - it’s ME’YA Miya," someone else chimes in.

Names are important, but everyone has their own approach to how they deal with incorrect pronunciations. Some prefer nicknames that they choose, like Sidibe, while others prefer people pronounce their full names correctly. While others may not correct anyone and answer to whatever name is called, asking someone how they pronounce their name may help stop mispronunciations and help the person feel seen.