The next time someone blames mass shootings on mental illness, send them this.

As thousands across the nation prepare to take to the streets on March 24, 2018, for The March for Our Lives, we’re taking a look at some of the root causes, long-lasting effects, and approaches to solving the gun violence epidemic in America. We’ll have a new installment every day this week. In the winter…

As thousands across the nation prepare to take to the streets on March 24, 2018, for The March for Our Lives, we’re taking a look at some of the root causes, long-lasting effects, and approaches to solving the gun violence epidemic in America. We’ll have a new installment every day this week.

In the winter of 2012, an undergraduate student who’d just taken my abnormal psychology course sent me an email.

The note was short, containing a link to an article about Adam Lanza (the Sandy Hook shooter) and two questions: Did mental illness drive him to do what he did? And if so, did that mean that what I’d told her in class, that the mentally ill were no more dangerous than the rest of the population, wasn’t true?


It’s a question I’ve heard with alarming frequency since.

By now, it’s like clockwork: A tragedy happens, thoughts and prayers are deployed, gun control is quickly shouted down (“No way to prevent this!” and “Now is not the time to speak about gun reform!”), and then top politicians — including the president — demand and vow to treat mental health as a top issue.

It all seems so intuitive. Because committing murder with an assault weapon isn’t something most people would do, mental illness must be the cause.

“So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior,” President Donald Trump tweeted shortly after the Parkland shooting in February.

But Trump offered no criteria for the shooter’s mental illness. Nor did he recognize that mental illness has never been one thing. And he ignored the painful reality that conflating mental illness with violence stigmatizes the millions of people worldwide who live with psychiatric disorders.

He wasn’t the only one: In a Washington Post poll conducted right after Parkland, 57% of responders cited “problems identifying and treating people with mental health problems” as the driving force behind mass shootings. “Inadequate gun laws” received only 28% of the vote.

Whenever mental illness is brought up, we act as if the conversation were over. It shouldn’t be.

As a country, we know very little about mental illness. In fact, a recent study out of Michigan State University found that under 50% of respondents could identify signs of anxiety, a condition experienced by fully 18% of American adults. And most people had no clue about how depression was treated.

This lack of knowledge keeps us scared. It turns every psychiatric condition into a boogeyman that’s lurking around the corner. And it makes those of us who live with mental illness hesitant to talk about our conditions openly to provide more knowledge.

That’s right: us. I don’t just teach and write about psychology; I’ve lived with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

And while I agree that mental health reform needs to take place, it’s not because people who live with the conditions I do — or a multitude of other conditions — are more dangerous to others. It’s because the system makes it so hard for so many to get help.

It’s because so many people (up to 47%, according to a 2013 survey) would feel uncomfortable living close to someone with a “serious” mental illness. Most of them don’t even know what a “serious” mental illness is.

The truth is that gun violence isn’t a result of mental illness. But mental illness is an easy scapegoat.

As the Kaiser Family Foundation noted in 2013, it is impossible to know what kind of backlash mass shootings like the one that occurred at Sandy Hook (and the ones that have since happened in Las Vegas, Orlando, and Parkland) create against innocent people.

The mentally ill are no more dangerous than the rest of the population.

I get it. There’s got to be a reason why bad people do awful things. We need something to grab onto in the wake of a tragedy. That’s why one of the first places our brains go is mental illness.  

The results of a 2006 survey indicated that 60% of Americans believed that those living with schizophrenia were more likely to commit violence. A worrying 32% thought the same of those living with depression. It’s why the news was so quick to seize upon the fact that Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock had been prescribed anti-anxiety medication, even though there’s no evidence that it made any contribution to his crimes.

The reality is much more complex. While it’s possible that those living with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder may be slightly more likely to engage in violent behavior (not necessarily with firearms), getting rid of these disorders would prevent a tiny slice of violence at best.

Dr. Jeffrey Swanson, a psychiatrist, professor, and researcher who studies the connection between mental illness and violence, told ProPublica that curing mental illness would only stem violence by 4%. “Most violence in society is caused by other things,” he said.

A 2001 study of adolescent mass murderers found that only 1 in 4 had any sort of psychiatric history. That’s a worrying number to be sure, but it was far outmatched by their seemingly “well” counterparts. And Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist who maintains a database of mass shooters through the years has found that out of 350 mass killers, 65% had no history of severe mental illness.

His conclusion? That it’s not the mental illness that’s the problem. It’s how much access the individual has to guns.

“In my large file of mass murders, if you look decade by decade, the numbers of victims are fairly small up until the 1960s,” Stone told The New York Times in 2017.  “That’s when the deaths start going way up. When the AK-47s and the Kalashnikovs and the Uzis — all these semiautomatic weapons, when they became so easily accessible.”

A 2015 article published by The American Psychiatric Association found that “mass shootings by people with serious mental illness represent less than 1% of all yearly gun-related homicides.” The authors concluded that mass shooters were “unlikely to have psychiatric histories” and that focusing only on the mentally ill when considering gun control would be ineffective, considering the small size of the group.

And a 2003 paper published in World Psychiatry notes that “mental disorders are neither necessary nor sufficient causes of violence. Major determinants of violence continue to be socio-demographic and economic factors.”

It’s a cold and inconvenient truth: Gun restrictions placed only on the mentally ill wouldn’t change gun violence as we know it. They may not even make a dent.

As the #NeverAgain movement has reminded us over and over: Gun reform on a large scale is the only way we’ll transform the problem.

Of course, more research would be great too. But a 1996 spending amendment prevents the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from using federal funds to conduct studies that would “advocate or promote gun control.”

There are many more people living with mental illness than you’d probably guess.

Think about how many people you know. Now consider how many of those people may be struggling with their mental health in some way.

You’re probably greatly underestimating that number. That’s not just because there is a wide range of psychiatric disorders; it’s because you can’t tell who is mentally ill just by looking at them (that’s just one of many myths) and because of the stigma those who live with these disorders face.

A 2003 survey conducted in England found that 60% of people believed only 10% of the population would be affected by mental health problems in their lifetime. But that’s simply not true. Depression, for instance, is now reported to be “the leading cause of disability worldwide” by the World Health Organization. It affects more than 300 million people on Earth. And the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 18.5 million adults (that’s 1 in 5) experience a mental disorder in any given year.

Do those numbers tell you something? They should.

Considering the disparity between the number of people who live with mental illness and the number of people who commit mass shootings, there’s no way that we can blame the majority of gun violence — or any violence — on this group of people.

Those who are mentally ill are actually more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. They’re also more likely to hurt themselves. As Bright Magazine notes, “mental illness plays a role in two-thirds of American gun deaths.”

But those deaths aren’t a result of mass shootings or homicide. They’re the result of people with mental illnesses dying by suicide.

And that’s why mental illness can’t be the scapegoat.

If we’re ever going to overhaul the mental health system, the first thing we need to do is create a climate where talking about mental illness isn’t stigmatizing. Trump was proof that such an environment doesn’t exist when he referred to the mentally ill as “sickos” while demanding we put more guns in schools:

It’s in our nature to try to remove uncertainty. That’s just the way humans work. And it’s especially true when we consider gun violence. In the wake of a mass tragedy, we need some reasoning to grasp onto. Something that can point to a cause.

But just as “mental illness” is too broad a label to put on the myriad conditions and syndromes of its sufferers, correlating mass shootings to it only serves to other the millions that live with mental illness daily, making them feel (and be treated as) less-than. It’s an incorrect conclusion drawn by oversimplification.

Here’s how I try to talk about mental illness in my lectures: There’s an insurance commercial I love (but can no longer find — that’s how it always seems to go, right?). In it, a good driver is celebrated by color commentators, who gleefully yell about the driver using signals and turning correctly.

The idea is that we often don’t reward people for their good behavior, that we only focus on the bad. It gives me a good feeling.

I mention this commercial because focusing on the bad is exactly what we do when we discuss mental illness. Where are the news stories that celebrate the ordinary people who are doing their best while living with anxiety and depression? The people who have stable lives because they’re treating their schizophrenia? Because they see a therapist? Considering the numbers, they absolutely exist.

But the only time we discuss mental health as a nation is in the wake of these tragedies, when baseless accusations trump facts. When it’s easy to point fingers.

And when “mental health reform” is used as a convenient way to sidestep the role that assault weapons play in mass shootings, we all suffer.

All of us deserve better than that. For more of our look at America’s gun violence epidemic, check out other stories in this series:

And see our coverage of to-the-heart speeches and outstanding protest signs from the March for Our Lives on March 24, 2018.

  • Mom braced herself for daughter’s teenage years, but  wasn’t ready for these 5 beautiful moments
    A mother with her teenage daughter. Photo credit: Canva

    Many parents are taught or conditioned to fear their children’s teenage years. It’s the season of life when your sweet angel turns into a moody rebel with an attitude problem, or so say the parents who came before us and lived to tell the tale.

    Mom Jacqueline Skirvin was no different. For years, she had taken pride in having a close, loving, healthy relationship with her daughter, Preslea. But other parents in her orbit kept warning her that would all change. “Just wait,” they would say.

    In a recent Instagram post, Skirvin shared the hard-fought results of all that waiting. She revealed five things that truly surprised her when those teenage years finally came:

    “I waited for attitude. Instead, I get car rides where she tells me everything.”

    “I waited for walls. Instead, I get to know her best friend’s life almost as well as I know hers.”

    “I waited for distance. Instead, I’m the first person she facetimes when something really good happens.”

    “I waited for rebellion. Instead, I get to watch her fall too hard, too fast… and hold her when it doesn’t last.”

    “I waited for drama. Instead, I became the call when the group chat turns mean and she needs to feel safe.”

    “It’s not perfect,” Skirvin admits in the caption of her post, but those bright slivers of connection let her know she still has a good relationship with her daughter through all the ups and downs.

    The post struck a huge chord with fellow parents of teenagers

    Some found hope in Skirvin’s optimistic message, while others lamented that they hadn’t been so lucky in their own families. In the end, the discussion was full of terrific advice.

    Several commenters were thrilled to help bust the myth that parenting a teenager inherently has to be a nightmare:

    “My DREAM. My daughter is so cool I can’t wait to know her at every stage of her life.”

    “Teenagers aren’t hard to love at all, if you give them the foundations they need to fly. They’re actually very cool people”

    Others were convinced that dreading teenagehood has become a self-fulfilling prophecy:

    “We need MOREEEE of this energy for us girl moms!!! I have two daughters who are toddlers right now, and I am constantly told how horrible they will be as teenagers. It’s makes me so sad.”

    Some cautioned that, yes, being the parent of a teenager can be beautiful, but we shouldn’t gloss over the hard parts:

    “My eldest is 15 and youngest 13. I [get] this too BUT im also the one who gets the sharp edge of her tongue initially when shes overwhelmed and cant manage her emotions, I get the look before I get the hugs and details… I get both sides whilst she figures out her head and her heart. on balance im honoured to be trusted with both sides, the good, the bad and the ugly as I am the safety net where love without boundaries exist”

    moms, motherhood, parenting, teenagers, family, kids, teens, parents
    Raising a teenager has its ups and downs. Photo credit: Canva

    To the parents in the comments struggling through a difficult relationship with their teens, the overwhelming response was, poetically, “Just wait.”

    “She will come around. She will have to grow up first but in time. It is so hard.”

    “I’m 32 and a mom of 2 and I have never been closer to my Mom. There is still time”

    Experts admit that living with teenagers can be a humongous challenge

    But they say a few things that can help are drawing strong boundaries about how you’ll be treated (not tolerating disrespect, insults, etc.) and giving your child plenty of space to work through their complex emotional responses and develop their own identity, which often involves at least a small amount of healthy rebellion.

    The key to Skirvin’s story is not that she forced connection and closeness with her teenage daughter, but rather that she stayed present enough to capture those opportunities when they presented themselves at unexpected times. For Skirvin, “waiting” for the teenage years to come was extremely good practice that served her well for the challenge ahead.

  • Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits
    An older woman holding a suitcase.Photo credit: via Canva/Photos
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    Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

    “Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?”

    When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

    However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.

    @grandmacampplanner

    Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

    ♬ original sound – GrandmaCamp™ 💜by Grandma Jan™

    “Okay, so, here’s the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don’t you come visit us?’ But let’s be honest, Grandma’s house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it’s time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

    So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

    “Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

    Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

    @grandmacampplanner

    Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

    ♬ original sound – GrandmaCamp™ 💜by Grandma Jan™

    The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle.”

    Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it’s about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • 62 percent of new parents say they’re lonely. England put four words on a park bench, and it’s working.
    Bonding benches are English Heritage’s cure for parental loneliness. Photo credit: English Heritage

    You’re at the playground. Your toddler is shrieking with joy near the swings. You sit down on a bench, and another parent sits beside you. They look tired—but it’s the good kind of tired, the kind that comes from loving someone tiny and full of energy. You want to say something…but what? Should you ask how old their kid is? Or whether they’ve figured out how to get ketchup stains out of everything yet?

    You say nothing, and pull out your phone instead. They do the same. Five minutes later, you leave without saying a word and feel more alone than ever.

    Sound familiar? You’re not alone. A staggering 62% of new parents report feeling lonely or isolated at least some of the time, according to new research from the National Childbirth Trust (NCT). Nearly nine out of ten parents feel overwhelmed, and almost a quarter say they lack a strong support system.

    Modern parenthood wasn’t meant to feel this way. For many, it does.

    In response, English Heritage, the charity that manages over 400 historic sites across England, has introduced a simple, beautiful idea to help. They’re called “bonding benches.”

    A bench that works for you

    Here’s how it works: bonding benches are being installed at castles, abbeys, and gardens—places where families tend to gather. They’re strategically placed near playgrounds and open grasslands, as well as other spots where parents take a moment for themselves while their kids burn off energy. But these are not ordinary benches.

    Each bench has a small slider that you can switch between two settings: “up for a chat” or “craving quiet.” 

    A young girl demonstrates the “up for a chat” function on a bonding bench. Photo credit: English Heritage 

    That’s it. No apps, no awkward eye contact, just a small piece of plastic that shows other parents how you’re feeling in that moment—and whether you’re open to talking. 

    Emma Fernandes Lopes, assistant operations director at English Heritage, explains the reasoning behind it:

    “As parents, we are hardwired to prioritize our children’s wellbeing. We bring them out to wonderful places like English Heritage sites to explore the outdoors and expand their horizons. But we often forget that the key to children’s wellbeing is actually found in whether their parents feel happy and supported.”

    She continues, “Modern parenthood can be a really isolating experience. Many parents live a long way away from their extended families and have no support network to lean back on, and it’s often a real challenge to make friends who hold the same values and interests.”

    The benches were launched in February 2026, ahead of the United Kingdom’s half-term holidays. They are now available at popular sites including Kenilworth Castle, Bolsover Castle, Wroxeter Roman City, and Witley Court and Gardens.

    Why this matters more than you realize

    The statistics behind this initiative are eye-opening. The NCT’s research, which surveyed 2,000 new and expectant parents across the UK, found that 87% feel overwhelmed at least some of the time. More than one in five (23%) did not have a positive feeding experience. And 23% said they lacked a strong support system.

    But what makes parental loneliness so insidious? The shame that accompanies it.

    People experiencing loneliness often shame themselves for it. Photo credit: Canva

    Research from the UK government’s loneliness stigma assessment found that people experiencing loneliness often feel embarrassed or worry they’ll be judged if they admit it. Parents, in particular, fear being labeled as “bad” or “inadequate” if they reach out for help. As a result, they don’t. They withdraw instead, which only deepens their feelings of isolation.

    For mothers and fathers who have moved away from family, whose friends don’t have children yet, or who feel out of step with the current parenting culture around them, the loneliness can feel overwhelming.

    More than just a bench

    English Heritage is expanding beyond benches. The charity has partnered with the NCT to bring their popular “Walk and Talks” to selected sites—free, volunteer-led walks designed for parents with strollers, slings, and young children. These walks are taking place at Audley End, Kenwood, Marble Hill, Wrest Park, and Kenilworth Castle, with plans to add more locations.

    Families can also pick up an “Adventurer’s Checklist” at any site, a free list of 25 fun activities for young children. Imagine splashing in puddles, spotting signs of animal life, and making silly sounds in echoing places. The tasks are meant to encourage interaction among families who might not usually connect.

    Depending on the site, there are also playgroups, chatty cafes, and children’s crafting sessions. All are created to give parents low-pressure ways to connect. 

    The secret: Low-pressure connection

    The genius of bonding benches lies in what they don’t do. 

    They don’t pressure you to start conversations. They don’t expect you to “put yourself out there”—a vague and somewhat intimidating phrase for many. Bonding benches invite parents to sit and honestly assess whether they have the energy to talk or would rather enjoy five minutes of silence while their kid digs a hole with their bare hands.

    Bonding benches are low-pressure ways to connect with other parents. Photo credit: English Heritage

    That simple permission matters. It’s not that adults don’t want to make friends; they do. But there’s a common fear of rejection. We dread the small talk and worry we’ll seem eager, needy, or weird.

    The slider eases all that pressure. If someone sits next to you and moves their marker to “up for a chat,” they’re giving you the go-ahead. You don’t have to guess or act. Just say hi.

    But if you need quiet, you can signal that too without feeling guilty or apologizing. 

    The bigger picture

    Parenting shouldn’t feel this lonely. 

    For years, anthropologists and evolutionary biologists have been saying humans did not evolve to raise children in nuclear families

    Among the Aka people of Central Africa, an infant typically has about 20 different caregivers, including extended family, neighbors, and other community members who help with child-rearing.

    We were never supposed to parent by ourselves. Photo credit: English Heritage

    But in the Western world, we’ve narrowed caregiving to just one or two exhausted adults. Parenting has become a private matter, yet we still wonder why parents are tired, lonely, and overwhelmed.

    English Heritage’s initiative won’t fix that structural problem. But it’s a meaningful step in the right direction. It reminds parents that connection is still possible, even in small moments. It sends a message: reaching out to others doesn’t make you weak—and you’re not the only one craving closeness.

    What happens next?

    The bonding benches are now live, and early feedback has been positive. Parents on social media have praised them, calling the benches “brilliant,” “exactly what we need,” and “such a simple but powerful idea.”

    However, the true test will be whether they can make a lasting impact, measured by parents using them, conversations taking place, and friendships forming.

    Another important question: will other organizations develop their own versions of the bonding bench? If a historic charity that manages medieval castles can recognize that modern families are struggling—and take action—the hope is that others will do the same.

    If you’re in England and want to find your nearest English Heritage site with a bonding bench, visit its website. If you’d like to volunteer as an NCT Walk & Talk leader, you can find out more on its website.

    Next time you’re at the playground, find the bench. Feeling brave? Move that marker to “up for a chat.” You might be surprised who also slides theirs up. 

  • Parents are incredibly accurate when predicting if their child is seriously sick
    A mother and her sick child.Photo credit: Canva

    Since the dawn of time, it’s been believed that parents, especially mothers, have a mysterious intuition: a deep-seated gut feeling when something is wrong with their child. Interestingly, according to a recent study out of the University of Oulu in Finland, that intuition appears to be real. Parents who believed their child had a serious illness, even before consulting a doctor, were correct 91% of the time.

    To determine how accurate a parent’s assessment of their child was, administrators gave 36-item questionnaires to parents of 2,375 patients who had been admitted to Oulu University Hospital. They found that more than nine out of 10 parents of seriously ill children knew something was wrong even before taking the assessment.

    Parents can determine a serious health issue with their kid 91% of the time

    mom, child, hospital, sick child, child emergency room,
    A child at the hospital. Photo credit: Canva

    “Parental concern is an important warning sign,” Dr. Hilla Pöyry, a pediatrician, said in a statement. “If a parent is worried about their suddenly ill child’s condition, the child must have the opportunity to be assessed by a doctor. A worried parent should not be left alone to make a remote assessment of their child’s condition.”

    Researchers believe this study is important given the increasing use of artificial intelligence and digital tools in hospitals. It affirms the idea that a parent’s intuition has value, even in a world dominated by technology.

    “Our results show that such tools require careful validation, and they do not yet replace the assessment of a healthcare professional,” Pöyry added. “Although a parent may not always be able to describe the child’s symptoms in detail or accurately, they recognise a serious illness very well when asked a simple concern-based question.” 

    mom, child, hospital, sick child, child emergency room,
    A mom and two kids at the hospital. Photo credit: Canva

    Why do parents have an intuitive sense of their child’s health?

    Susan Albers, a psychologist at Cleveland Clinic, said that a mother’s special bond with her child is the result of both nature and nurture. On the nature side, the two share a chemical bond: when a mother spends time with her child, oxytocin is released in the brain. On the nurture side, mothers spend thousands of hours with their child, allowing them to pick up on tiny patterns that others wouldn’t notice.

    “A mother’s intuition is a very real phenomenon,” Albers said. “It is described as a gut level of awareness of what is happening with your child, whether it is what they need, what they are feeling, or if they are in danger based on no information or explanation.”

    The findings should give parents confidence that when they think something isn’t right with their child, there’s a good chance they’re correct. It’s also a strong reason to seek a second opinion when a doctor may not agree with a parent’s assessment. The study gives doctors something extra to consider when a parent brings a child into the office. In short, there’s a good chance something really is wrong, even if it isn’t immediately apparent.

  • Youth sports in Norway shun competition for fun. And they just won the Olympics.
    A skier and kids playing in the snow. Photo credit: Canva
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    Youth sports in Norway shun competition for fun. And they just won the Olympics.

    Participation trophies are working out just fine over there.

    The final medal count for the 2026 Olympic Winter Games is in, and there’s a clear winner. Of the 29 countries to win at least one medal, Norway took home the most hardware overall with 41 medals. This included 18 gold medals, the most of any country. It’s a resounding victory over the United States, which came in second place with 33 medals.

    High-performing Olympic nations are often famous (or infamous) for their aggressive training tactics. China, for example, has been said to “ruthlessly select and train competitors from an early age—with children as young as four being enlisted to train for the team.”

    Nearly everyone hoping for Olympic greatness has to start training at a young age. Norway, however, takes a different approach with its youth sports culture. Instead of winning, it’s all about fun. The country does a few things differently that are counterintuitive to a hyper-competitive, gold-at-any-cost mindset.

    norway, skiing, snow sports, youth sports, kids sports, olympics, gold medals, sports, athletes
    A skier is seen mid-air. Photo credit: Canva

    No keeping score

    Per CNN, “Until the age of 12 in Norway, nobody in youth sports is allowed to keep score, and there are no league standings either.”

    Compare that to many American youth sports leagues, which generally begin keeping score around the age of seven. Keeping score in kids’ leagues is often a source of great controversy. Proponents argue that it teaches children sportsmanship, how to lose with grace, and how to cope with disappointment. However, critics say the emphasis on winning sucks the fun out of the sport and prematurely ratchets up pressure many kids just aren’t ready for.

    No early specialization

    You’d think the best path to becoming a great alpine skier would be to focus rigorously on the sport as early as possible. Coaches in Norway disagree.

    Instead, they believe true talent is revealed not in early childhood but in the teen years. Kids growing up in Norway try many different sports before deciding which one they’re best suited to focus on.

    Participation trophies for all

    Yes, the dreaded participation trophy was once decried as the thing that made Millennials soft. But it seems to be working out OK for the Norwegians. If one kid gets a trophy in Norway, everyone gets one.

    And the guidelines don’t end there. Norway isn’t big on travel leagues, preferring to keep kids in local leagues as long as possible, and it caps the cost of youth sports instead of letting them balloon out of control. The entire youth sports ecosystem is run by the government and not-for-profit organizations. Leagues also mandate equal playing time for kids at younger ages to ensure everyone has fun and gets an opportunity. It’s all summed up beautifully by the slogan, “Joy of Sport for All.”

    It sounds counterintuitive, but it works for them. And 2026 was no outlier. The Norwegians often excel in the Winter Olympics and have won four straight games. They’re not too shabby in the Summer Games, either. Though the country is naturally better suited to snow sports like skiing, Norway regularly nabs top results in summer sports like weightlifting, beach volleyball, and track and field. Per capita, its performance in the Summer Games is especially impressive.

    Norway’s model is not perfectly replicable in every country. The U.S., for example, features decentralized and privately run sports leagues. It would be nearly impossible to get them all to operate in the same way and discard decades of success. It’s also debatable whether we would even want to, because the U.S., it turns out, is also quite good at sports.

    But it’s fascinating to watch a country operate in ways that seem almost completely antithetical to high-level competition and still achieve elite results.

    Not only does Norway bring home Olympic medals, but its kids also have some of the highest sports participation rates in the world. They’re also generally fit, healthy, and extremely happy. It’s no wonder the country is considered one of the best places in the world to raise kids.

  • 4-year-old tearfully tells her mom why she wants to celebrate Ramadan, and it’s too precious
    Does Ramadan entail eating rice at night and watching real dragons?Photo credit: Canva

    February has been a busy month for holidays in 2026. There’s not only Groundhog Day, Valentine’s Day, and Presidents’ Day, but it’s also Black History Month, and Chinese New Year, Lent, and Ramadan all coincide this month. (This is so rare that it likely won’t happen again in our lifetime!) And as a mom’s video shows, that may be causing some mix-ups for the youngest among us.

    Sonny Reign shared her four-year-old’s meltdown over wanting to celebrate Ramadan, calling it “precious.” She said she wouldn’t normally record her child when she’s in distress, but this is one instance where it feels perfectly warranted. As their family is not Muslim, Reign told her daughter that she didn’t know how to celebrate Ramadan, but would look into it. However, the kiddo insisted she already knew how it was done.

    @sonny_reign

    Wouldn’t normally record when she’s in distress, but this was so precious. She just wants to celebrate Ramadan with her friends. Also I’m sorry, a REAL dragon? That can’t be right- somethings gone lost in the kindergarten translation right?

    ♬ original sound – sonny reign🧡🇨🇦

    “We eat rice at night, and we stay up late! That’s how we celebrate Ramadan,” the girl said before adding, “And you also look at real dragons.

    Real dragons? Ramadan is the Muslim fasting period in which no food or drink is consumed between sunrise and sunset, so the eating rice at night and the staying up late parts made sense. The real dragons were a bit of a headscratcher, though.

    It appears Reign’s daughter was conflating Ramadan with Chinese New Year or Lunar New Year, and adding a bit of four-year-old imagination to the mix as well. Celebrations of Chinese New Year often include dragon costumes or other dragon imagery, and, since Chinese New Year coincided with the start of Ramadan this year, the confusion is understandable.

    A colorful Chinese dragon puppet
    Dragon puppet. Photo credit: Canva

    People in the comments found the whole exchange delightful:

    “No , we’re not gonna fact check her….we are now her followers and plan to eat rice at night, stay up late and look at real dragons. It has been ordained!!!”

    “As a Muslim I approve her understanding of Ramadan.”

    “Idk about the dragon part maybe I haven’t unlocked that level of Muslim yet.”

    “As a Muslim I wanna celebrate Ramadan this way too. I’ve been doing it wrong my whole life.”

    “As an Arab, I also want to eat rice at night and look at real dragons.”

    “I’m a Malaysian Muslim who is fasting, with Chinese neighbours. I do, in fact, eat rice at night and stay up late to watch dragons with them. Their Chinese New Year’s fireworks are craaaaaazyyyyyyy.”

    Colorful fireworks for Chinese New Year
    Chinese New Year fireworks. Photo credit: Canva

    “This child is absolutely adorable she wants to celebrate Ramadan and the Chinese New Year. She has aunties worldwide.❤️”

    “It’s a confusing time to be a preschooler. Black History Month, Chinese New Year, Lent, Ramadan. Plus Valentine’s Day and 100th day of school. February is busyyyy.”

    “My son tried to take a day off school for Eid and we’re Catholic.” 

    Kudos to Mama Reign for her expert handling of the situation. It’s not always easy to respond appropriately when your child is upset. However, honoring her desire to celebrate Ramadan while also making it clear that she didn’t yet know how to do that was solid. Keeping it together when the “real dragons” came in was also some top-notch self-control.

    Most likely, Reign’s daughter had been learning about the various holidays and how to celebrate them at school. At four years old, trying to keep the overlapping holidays in our multicultural world straight is genuinely challenging! Still, what an adorable reminder of how far we’ve come to see one another’s cultural and religious traditions as something to celebrate.

    (Especially when there are real dragons involved, of course.)

  • Mom shares how she went from feeling alone to having a ‘huge mom village’ in just one year
    A mom sits on a living room floor with her friends.Photo credit: Canva
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    Mom shares how she went from feeling alone to having a ‘huge mom village’ in just one year

    “It’s been such a positive change in my life, so I just wanted to share my experience.”

    Being a mom can be a lonely role. A 2024 study published by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that 66% of parents reported feeling isolated, and a whopping 79% reported a desire to connect with others outside of work and home.

    One mom on Reddit shared exactly how she went from feeling “so incredibly lonely” to having a “huge mom village” in just one year.

    She explained that it started at the end of 2024, when she found herself feeling really miserable and thinking about the new year ahead.

    “I don’t speak to my family, my in-laws are out of state and honestly it was getting to the point where my husband was my only consistent friend,” she wrote. “It can be really soul crushing to have no network of adults to share life with. I needed more connection.”

    How she grew her “mom village”

    She decided to try the “most bottom barrel thing I could think of”—she planned a monthly mom dinner for fellow moms. Some she knew, some she didn’t.

    “I invited every mom I knew, but that wasn’t going to cut it so I started inviting moms I didn’t know at all,” she shared. “Make eye contact with me in the pick up area? Hey there, I have a monthly mom dinner I host if you want to come. Our kids are in the same class and I saw you for five minutes once from across the hall? Please take this invitation to my monthly mom dinner. We’re FB friends who haven’t seen each other in 20 years, but I saw your post about needing to get out? Mom dinner.”

    In the comments, she explained that the dinners started out at restaurants, but that it cut “many moms due to finances and childcare,” so she began to switch it up by adding in potlucks.

    She put herself out there by extending invites, something she said was “a little uncomfortable at first.” However, the positive response quelled any of her insecurities.

    “The overwhelming reaction was excitement and gratitude, so after the first few it became really easy,” she wrote. “Women have been so receptive to hanging out with other women. I have had moms decline or not show up, but I have yet to feel rejected by anyone.”

    She added that each fellow mom she encountered could relate to the need for a “Mom dinner.”

    “Literally every single mom I’ve spoken to gets it,” she added. “We all seem to be in the same sinking boat.”

    @christines.life_

    fully convinced that moms with a village have a completely different version of motherhood than those who don’t #motherhood #momlife #toddlermom #toddlermomlife #momtok

    ♬ original sound – christine

    The unexpected outcomes

    Momentum started to increase, and by six months in, she noticed she had added many more mom friends into her life.

    “I went from having two mom friends that I knew would probably watch my kids in an emergency, to a real village with a bit more than 20 of those mom friends,” she shared. “This was unimaginable to me when I started the dinner in 2025.”

    Although she doubted her experiment would work, it did, and there was an unexpected benefit: “My kids are even having sleepovers now, that’s how much trust and community we’ve built.”

    Finally, she wants to encourage other moms to step outside their comfort zones.

    “All it really took was the courage to say I’m lonely out loud to other people and a FB event invite,” she explained. “It’s been such a positive change in my life, so I just wanted to share my experience.”

    Women enjoy dessert together. Photo credit: Canva

    Moms react

    Her idea to connect moms and build a strong fellowship of mom friends resonated with lonely mothers:

    “This is the way to do it. I did something similar, and it is SO AWKWARD to put yourself out there for a few months/a while and hope to get something back (especially as an introvert) but now we have annual egg hunts, July 4th parties, outdoor movie nights, summer parties, etc. where we just invite dozens of people and have this awesome little village community.”

    “My social anxiety could never but it wishes it could. 😂 This sounds honestly so lovely. I’m sure this has helped a lot of moms feel part of the wider world again. I’d come to your mom dinner in a heartbeat.”

    “This is great! A YouTuber I love (Hannah Witton) tries to do coffee mornings every month or so where they have coffee, pastries, brunch type snacks and invite young families over to just drop in for however long they can. It has definitely encouraged me to do something similar to build our village. A mom of a classmate recently organized a mom dinner for our class and it was amazing. All of us indicated it was something we needed more of. I’m glad she took the initiative to get it set up.”

  • ‘Conservative’ mom sparks debate after questioning the appropriateness of a Target girl’s dress
    via Target and Mike Mozart/Flickr – A controversial dress being sold at Target.

    Everywhere you go, there seems to be a constant war between children’s clothing retailers who want to push the boundaries of modesty and parents who push back, saying they are sexualizing children. On top of that, when young girls believe they are supposed to wear clothes that are tight-fitting and revealing, it’s very damaging to their self-esteem and body image. So what is a parent to do?

    “I think it’s one thing that the girls’ clothes are very fitted and small, and it’s another that they’re in such direct contrast to what you find on the boys’ side, and those two things send a pretty strong message about what they’re supposed to look like, dressed to be slim and to be fit,” Sharon Choksi, a mom of two and founder of the clothing line, Girls Will Be, told CNN.

    Mom spots a revealing dress at Target

    The topic came up again recently when Meghan Mayer, a mother of 2 and a 7th-grade school teacher, posted a TikTok video about a dress she saw at Target, which received over 1.6 million views. Meghan was reacting to a smock-style, patterned dress with balloon sleeves that appeared modest at first glance. But after closer examination, it has holes in the waist on both sides, revealing the girl’s midriff and possibly more.

    “My oldest daughter and I are at Target, and there’s some cute spring stuff,” Mayer started the video. “I am a little bit more conservative when it comes to my kids’ clothing, so maybe I’m overreacting, but let me know what you think of these dresses.”

    She added that the dress may be okay for a 12-year-old but was inappropriate for a 6- or 7-year-old. Mayer asked her followers what they thought of the dress. “Like I said, I know I’m a little bit more conservative. I don’t usually even let my girls wear bikinis, but maybe I’m overreacting, I don’t know. Thoughts?”

    For reference, she then showed the dresses’ sizes to indicate they were for kids, then revealed the holes in the sides. “Look at these little slits on the sides of these dresses, right at the hips on all these dresses,” she said. The dress is obviously designed for a young girl to show skin, and it begs the question: Why would she want to, and who is supposed to be looking?

    Most people found the dress to be inappropriate

    Most people commenting on the video thought the dress was a bit much for such a young girl to wear, and that it was inappropriate for someone that age to expose themselves.

    Target store at night
    Target store at night. via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    “You’re not overreacting. You’re parenting properly,” Paper Bound Greetings wrote. “No, no. There is no reason for those holes to be there. They should have pockets! Not holes!” Anna wrote. “I think retailers are trying to mature our kids too fast. I agree with mom!” HollyMoore730 commented. “That dress is SO CUTE until you see the slit. Why did they have to ruin it like that?!?”krb15 added.

    “All the lady people have been asking for is dresses with pockets. This is the opposite of pockets. Whyyy?” akcrucial wrote.

    But some thought that the dress was acceptable, while others thought Mayer was overreacting.

    “Unpopular opinion, I think they’re cute,” Dr. Robinson wrote. “When I was a kid in the ‘70s, I wore halter tops and tube tops; they were not seen as big deals. I don’t think this is scandalous,” Kimberly Falkowsi added. “Overreacting. Both my girls have the blue and white, you can’t even tell much. It’s not that big of a hole. The dresses are so cute,” LolitaKHalessi commented.

    “Fun fact… you don’t have to buy it, Bethany wrote. “Idk I think it’s cute and that everyone just making it weird when it really isn’t,” Wisdomdeals added. “Nothing wrong with the dress. It’s sold out in my area. Luckily if you don’t like it or think it’s inappropriate, you don’t buy it for your child,” Maddison commented.

    Target aisle
    An aisle at a Target. via Mike Mozart/Flickr

    Some commenters told Mayer that she should buy the dress and have her daughter wear a shirt beneath it so it doesn’t show skin. However, Mayer believes that it would support Target in making questionable kids’ clothing.

    “No, I’m not going to buy it and have them wear a tank top with it, because then that’s showing Target that it’s OK,” she told Today.com. “And over time, the cutout will get bigger and bigger.”

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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