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The next time someone blames mass shootings on mental illness, send them this.

As thousands across the nation prepare to take to the streets on March 24, 2018, for The March for Our Lives, we're taking a look at some of the root causes, long-lasting effects, and approaches to solving the gun violence epidemic in America. We'll have a new installment every day this week.

In the winter of 2012, an undergraduate student who'd just taken my abnormal psychology course sent me an email.

The note was short, containing a link to an article about Adam Lanza (the Sandy Hook shooter) and two questions: Did mental illness drive him to do what he did? And if so, did that mean that what I'd told her in class, that the mentally ill were no more dangerous than the rest of the population, wasn't true?


It's a question I've heard with alarming frequency since.

By now, it's like clockwork: A tragedy happens, thoughts and prayers are deployed, gun control is quickly shouted down ("No way to prevent this!" and "Now is not the time to speak about gun reform!"), and then top politicians — including the president — demand and vow to treat mental health as a top issue.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

It all seems so intuitive. Because committing murder with an assault weapon isn't something most people would do, mental illness must be the cause.

"So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior," President Donald Trump tweeted shortly after the Parkland shooting in February.

But Trump offered no criteria for the shooter's mental illness. Nor did he recognize that mental illness has never been one thing. And he ignored the painful reality that conflating mental illness with violence stigmatizes the millions of people worldwide who live with psychiatric disorders.

He wasn't the only one: In a Washington Post poll conducted right after Parkland, 57% of responders cited "problems identifying and treating people with mental health problems" as the driving force behind mass shootings. "Inadequate gun laws" received only 28% of the vote.

Whenever mental illness is brought up, we act as if the conversation were over. It shouldn't be.

As a country, we know very little about mental illness. In fact, a recent study out of Michigan State University found that under 50% of respondents could identify signs of anxiety, a condition experienced by fully 18% of American adults. And most people had no clue about how depression was treated.

This lack of knowledge keeps us scared. It turns every psychiatric condition into a boogeyman that's lurking around the corner. And it makes those of us who live with mental illness hesitant to talk about our conditions openly to provide more knowledge.

That's right: us. I don't just teach and write about psychology; I've lived with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

And while I agree that mental health reform needs to take place, it's not because people who live with the conditions I do — or a multitude of other conditions — are more dangerous to others. It's because the system makes it so hard for so many to get help.

It's because so many people (up to 47%, according to a 2013 survey) would feel uncomfortable living close to someone with a "serious" mental illness. Most of them don't even know what a "serious" mental illness is.

The truth is that gun violence isn't a result of mental illness. But mental illness is an easy scapegoat.

A sign outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school in Parkland, Florida. Photo by Rhona Wise/AFP/Getty Images.

As the Kaiser Family Foundation noted in 2013, it is impossible to know what kind of backlash mass shootings like the one that occurred at Sandy Hook (and the ones that have since happened in Las Vegas, Orlando, and Parkland) create against innocent people.

The mentally ill are no more dangerous than the rest of the population.

I get it. There's got to be a reason why bad people do awful things. We need something to grab onto in the wake of a tragedy. That's why one of the first places our brains go is mental illness. Ā 

The results of a 2006 survey indicated that 60% of Americans believed that those living with schizophrenia were more likely to commit violence. A worrying 32% thought the same of those living with depression. It's why the news was so quick to seize upon the fact that Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock had been prescribed anti-anxiety medication, even though there's no evidence that it made any contribution to his crimes.

The reality is much more complex. While it's possible that those living with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder may be slightly more likely to engage in violent behavior (not necessarily with firearms), getting rid of these disorders would prevent a tiny slice of violence at best.

Dr. Jeffrey Swanson, a psychiatrist, professor, and researcher who studies the connection between mental illness and violence, told ProPublica that curing mental illness would only stem violence by 4%. "Most violence in society is caused by other things," he said.

A 2001 study of adolescent mass murderers found that only 1 in 4 had any sort of psychiatric history. That's a worrying number to be sure, but it was far outmatched by their seemingly "well" counterparts. And Michael Stone, a forensic psychiatrist who maintains a database of mass shooters through the years has found that out of 350 mass killers, 65% had no history of severe mental illness.

His conclusion? That it's not the mental illness that's the problem. It's how much access the individual has to guns.

"In my large file of mass murders, if you look decade by decade, the numbers of victims are fairly small up until the 1960s," Stone told The New York Times in 2017. Ā "That's when the deaths start going way up. When the AK-47s and the Kalashnikovs and the Uzis — all these semiautomatic weapons, when they became so easily accessible."

A 2015 article published by The American Psychiatric Association found that "mass shootings by people with serious mental illness represent less than 1% of all yearly gun-related homicides." The authors concluded that mass shooters were "unlikely to have psychiatric histories" and that focusing only on the mentally ill when considering gun control would be ineffective, considering the small size of the group.

And a 2003 paper published in World Psychiatry notes that "mental disorders are neither necessary nor sufficient causes of violence. Major determinants of violence continue to be socio-demographic and economic factors."

It's a cold and inconvenient truth: Gun restrictions placed only on the mentally ill wouldn't change gun violence as we know it. They may not even make a dent.

As the #NeverAgain movement has reminded us over and over: Gun reform on a large scale is the only way we'll transform the problem.

Of course, more research would be great too. But a 1996 spending amendment prevents the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from using federal funds to conduct studies that would "advocate or promote gun control."

A student participates in the 17-minute walkout on March 14th. Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

There are many more people living with mental illness than you'd probably guess.

Think about how many people you know. Now consider how many of those people may be struggling with their mental health in some way.

You're probably greatly underestimating that number. That's not just because there is a wide range of psychiatric disorders; it's because you can't tell who is mentally ill just by looking at them (that's just one of many myths) and because of the stigma those who live with these disorders face.

A 2003 survey conducted in England found that 60% of people believed only 10% of the population would be affected by mental health problems in their lifetime. But that's simply not true. Depression, for instance, is now reported to be "the leading cause of disability worldwide" by the World Health Organization. It affects more than 300 million people on Earth. And the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 18.5 million adults (that's 1 in 5) experience a mental disorder in any given year.

Do those numbers tell you something? They should.

Considering the disparity between the number of people who live with mental illness and the number of people who commit mass shootings, there's no way that we can blame the majority of gun violence — or any violence — on this group of people.

Those who are mentally ill are actually more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. They're also more likely to hurt themselves. As Bright Magazine notes, "mental illness plays a role in two-thirds of American gun deaths."

But those deaths aren't a result of mass shootings or homicide. They're the result of people with mental illnesses dying by suicide.

And that's why mental illness can't be the scapegoat.

If we're ever going to overhaul the mental health system, the first thing we need to do is create a climate where talking about mental illness isn't stigmatizing. Trump was proof that such an environment doesn't exist when he referred to the mentally ill as "sickos" while demanding we put more guns in schools:

It's in our nature to try to remove uncertainty. That's just the way humans work. And it's especially true when we consider gun violence. In the wake of a mass tragedy, we need some reasoning to grasp onto. Something that can point to a cause.

But just as "mental illness" is too broad a label to put on the myriad conditions and syndromes of its sufferers, correlating mass shootings to it only serves to other the millions that live with mental illness daily, making them feel (and be treated as) less-than. It's an incorrect conclusion drawn by oversimplification.

Here's how I try to talk about mental illness in my lectures: There's an insurance commercial I love (but can no longer find — that's how it always seems to go, right?). In it, a good driver is celebrated by color commentators, who gleefully yell about the driver using signals and turning correctly.

The idea is that we often don't reward people for their good behavior, that we only focus on the bad. It gives me a good feeling.

I mention this commercial because focusing on the bad is exactly what we do when we discuss mental illness. Where are the news stories that celebrate the ordinary people who are doing their best while living with anxiety and depression? The people who have stable lives because they're treating their schizophrenia? Because they see a therapist? Considering the numbers, they absolutely exist.

But the only time we discuss mental health as a nation is in the wake of these tragedies, when baseless accusations trump facts. When it's easy to point fingers.

And when "mental health reform" is used as a convenient way to sidestep the role that assault weapons play in mass shootings, we all suffer.

All of us deserve better than that.

For more of our look at America's gun violence epidemic, check out other stories in this series:

And see our coverage of to-the-heart speeches and outstanding protest signs from the March for Our Lives on March 24, 2018.

old letter, 1959, tony trapani, letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting
via SHVETS production/Pexels and Suzy Hazelwood/Pexels
Tony Trapani discovers a letter his wife hid from him since 1959.

Writing a letter is truly a lost art form, and many young people will never know the joy of it. You had to choose your words carefully and say everything you wanted to say. Once you sent it off, there was no way to be sure it was delivered. No way to know if it had been opened or read. You couldn't take it back or send it again. You just put it in the mailbox and hoped for the best. It was excruciating and magical all at the same time.

One story of a letter never delivered has captured the hearts of readers everywhere. A heart-warming local news story gone viral for the best reasons.


Tony Trapani and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,ā€ Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered and he cherished every moment they spent together.

letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony Trapani received the most important letter of his life, but he didn't see it for 50 years Photo by Ɓlvaro Serrano on Unsplash

After his wife passed away when Tony was 81 years old, he undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings. In particular was a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.

That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet hidden for over half a century.

The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.

"Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are," the letter reads. "Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five-years- old now - grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son."



"Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him," Shirley wrote in the letter. "Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can't even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. ... I'll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane."

Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.

For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.

Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. "Why my wife didn't tell me," said Trapani, "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."

It's easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani's late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we'll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.

"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'' Samuel said. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror."

The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. "Just to know him now is so important to me. It's going to fill that void," Samuel said.

But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father.


letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony and Samuel didn't waste time thinking about what might have been if he'd seen the letter earlier. Photo by Ire Photocreative on Unsplash

The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.

ā€œThey're keeping that bond,ā€ Donna said. ā€œThat paper doesn't mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we're going to move on from here.ā€

Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he'd seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that's all in the past, and by all accounts the men treasured the time they got together, and the relationship that they did have — not the one they wished for.

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.

Community

Uber driver with Tourette's goes viral sharing her unforgettable interactions with riders

"Honesty, humor, and human connection can change the way the world sees Tourette’s."

uber driver, passenger, ride share, tourette syndrome

A woman drives an Uber. A passenger gets in.

Not all heroes wear capes, but some do drive Uber. Jeanna DiVietro is one such hero who has a big laugh, infectious positivity, and the ability to be so vulnerable that she puts many of her passengers at ease. In fact, some seem to become "unexpected friends" in just five minutes flat.

The thing is, DiVietro has Tourette Syndrome, which presents in tics, both physical and vocal. Rather than letting that be a barrier for her, she uses it as a way to educate others. With the rider's permission, of course, she films the interactions and shares them on social media to reach a larger audience.


And she's simply delightful while doing it. In many videos, she has at least one passenger sitting in the front seat and explains to them that she has Tourette Syndrome. In one clip, there's a woman up front when one of DiVietro's tics causes her to scream. They both wind up laughing, with the passenger exclaiming, "This is the best Uber ride ever!" Our driver responds, "Oh yay, I'm so excited!" This is followed by the yelling of "Wh--e!" and again they both laugh. "You're not a wh--e," she assures the rider, who jokingly quips back, "I might be!"

Here's where DiVietro begins to educate. She shares, "I've always had a great attitude with Tourette Syndrome. I just want to help other people have a good attitude too. So that way they can accomplish things that they never thought they were ever able to accomplish. Look at me, I'm an Uber driver, traveling nationwide. I'm also a photographer." She then screams, "Click click b---h!" to which our understanding passenger laughs, "Did you get the picture? Was it my good side?"

The comments are completely understanding and supportive. This clip alone has nearly half a million likes and thousands of comments. One person suggests, "She needs a full-on SERIES!"

Another admits, " This is an Uber ride I would love! My husband says I'm not supposed to laugh, it's rude. Is it considered rude? Because this is hilarious." DiVietro puts her at ease, writing, "No it's not rude, because I too am laughing!"

One person even asks, "Wait are you the lady who picked up a passenger who also had Tourette's? That was the best video!" DiVietro answers, "Yes I am and thank you!"

It turns out the clip in question involved a man in Evansville whom she notes did not, in fact, have the disorder but was "playing along." But, she shares, she "was not offended one bit." They seemed to have an ultimate blast.

Another heartwarming clip shows DiVietro, having presumably explained that she has Tourette Syndrome to a young man, laughing uproariously when he mishears "Tourette's" it as "T-Rex." "I need to Google 'how do I help T-Rex?'" She then explains the correct word, which leads them to finding their inner dinosaurs and roaring a few times.

The passenger tells her that he's a rapper (CEO DEE) and she's incredibly supportive, immediately asking where she can listen to his music. Once again, the comment section doesn't disappoint. They link to his Instagram and share it with DiVietro.

Others in the comments focus on the dinosaur of it all. "This is so funny. The dinosaur impersonation took me out." Another notes that is seems to be a lovely plutonic connection "What do you get when you put a guy with the munchies and a female "t-rex" in the same car? A beautiful friendship."

Currently, there's a fan-funded documentary in the making. According to DiVietro's website, it will document her life in and out of Uber across the South and the Midwest. "This isn’t just a road trip. It’s a movement to show that honesty, humor, and human connection can change the way the world sees Tourette’s."

As exemplified by DiVietro's vocal tics, Tourette's is one type of tic disorder. According to their informational website Tourette.org, it's "a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects children, adolescents and adults. The condition is characterized by sudden, involuntary movements and/or sounds called tics. Tics can range from mild/inconsequential to moderate and severe, and are disabling in some cases."

Tourette Syndrome is explained. www.youtube.com, Tourette Association of America

DiVietro doesn't let this disorder define her. On the contrary, she uses it to sparkle and clearly make beautiful connections. The hope is that she is able to inspire others to do the same.

time off requests, pto, sick leave, gen z manager, manager positions, asking for time off

This Manager thinks PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a million different ways—by being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

Part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.


Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she ā€œrejects. ā€You’ll see why ā€œrejectsā€ is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, ā€œGirl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!ā€

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for ā€œvacation,ā€ not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs

Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans

Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when one employee—a parent—was ā€œup all nightā€ with their sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

ā€œSeriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,ā€ she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

ā€œYou are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,ā€ one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs

Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military

Another said, ā€œThe better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.ā€

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders. One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.ā€

Another joked that ā€œBoomer managers could NEVER.ā€

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicators), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time off as a way to ā€œrecharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.ā€

@bunchesofbeggs

If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff

Younger generations might get labeled ā€œlazyā€ or ā€œentitled,ā€ but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity—it, in fact, enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

This article originally appeared in March.

time, neil degrasse tyson, time flies, perception of time. clock, science,

A clock and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

When you’re a kid, time passes a lot more slowly than when you’re an adult. At the age of seven, summer seems to go on forever, and the wait from New Year’s Day to Christmas feels like a decade. As an adult, time seems to go faster and faster until one weekend you’re putting up your Christmas lights though you swear you just took ā€˜em down a month ago.

Why does time seem to speed up as we get older? Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson recently explained the phenomenon in a video posted to Instagram. He also offered tips on how to slow the passage of time as you age. DeGrasse Tyson is one of the most popular science communicators in the world and the host of 2014's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey and 2020’s Cosmos: Possible Worlds.


Why does time appear to speed up as we get older?


ā€œWhen you're young, everything is new. Your brain is constantly recording fresh memories, and the more memory your brain stores, the longer the experience feels. But then something changes. As you get older, routines take over. Your brain stops saving so much detail. It switches to autopilot because everything feels familiar and predictable,ā€ deGrasse Tyson explains. ā€œAnd when your brain stores fewer new memories, your perception of time compresses. That's why childhood feels long, and adulthood feels like a blur.ā€


Steve Taylor, PhD, author of many best-selling books including Time Expansion Experience, The Leap, and Spiritual ScienceThe Leap, and Spiritual Science, agrees with deGrasse Tyson.

ā€œThis is mainly because, as children, we have so many new experiences, and so process a massive amount of perceptual information,ā€ Taylor writes at Psychology Today. ā€œChildren also have an unfiltered and intense perception of the world, which makes their surroundings appear more vivid. However, as we get older, we have progressively fewer new experiences. Equally importantly, our perception of the world becomes more automatic. We grow progressively desensitized to our surroundings. As a result, we gradually absorb less information, which means time passes more quickly. Time is less stretched with information.ā€

How do we make time slow down?

There’s something a little depressing about the idea that time speeds up as we age because we have fallen into predictable routines. The good news is that we can break this cycle by changing our habits and having new experiences. The more novel information we can process and the less routine our lives become, the slower time will move.

DeGrasse Tyson believes that with some change in our behaviors, we can get back to longer summers and Christmases that aren’t perpetually around the corner.

ā€œYou can actually slow time down again. Do something unfamiliar,ā€ deGrasse Tysons says. "Travel somewhere new. Break a routine you've repeated for years. Learn a skill your brain hasn't mapped yet. Because the more new memories your brain forms, the slower time feels as it passes. So if life feels like it's accelerating, it's not your age. It's your brain, and you can reboot it.ā€

christmas, holidays, christmas gifts, nostalgia, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, tickle me elmo, easy bake oven, chatty cathy
Kevin Labianco/Flickr, Rochelle Lockridge/Flickr, Bradross63/Wikimedia Commons

Adults share the nostalgic "must-have" Christmas gifts from their youths.

Christmas as a kid was the absolute best: crafting your wish list with care; the anticipation as presents began to appear under the tree; the lights, the cookies. It was pure magic. Though the holidays are still special in their own way once you're grown, most of us would love a chance to feel like a little kid again on Christmas morning.

One small way adults are recapturing that nostalgia is by remembering the most in-demand, highly anticipated toys and games from their childhood—the ones every kid wanted for Christmas. The ones that had Mom and Dad standing outside Toys R Us at 5 a.m. The ones that prompted panicked reports on the evening news about toy shortages and checkout line mayhem.


Here are 11 of the hottest toys of all time that topped Christmas lists in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and even early 2000s.

1. Baby All Gone

This doll, released in 1991, was pure witchcraft for kids who saw the commercials on TV. You could make it drink milk or eat cherries which would then just...disappear.

"It is sweet how a simple toy like Baby All Gone can bring back warm memories, because those disappearing milk and cherries remind us of a time when childhood felt magical and full of small joys," one user wrote on X.

"I never understood where the cherries went. Did they go in the mouth or the spoon? Perplexed," added another.

All we know is that we wanted it.

2. Easy-Bake Oven

In 1963, the toy company Kenner changed the game when they released the Easy-Bake Oven and allowed kids to cook their own brownies and cakes with a small lightbulb. The original design came in turquoise and yellow, and sold out during its first holiday season. The demand was so high that the company tripled production for the next year.

Simply put, everyone wanted one.

"I remember the way the pastries tasted. Even to this day. And how disappointed I became when it took so long to bake. But the smell....I'm pretty sure I still remember how it smells," one user wrote on Reddit.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

3. Tickle Me Elmo

Perhaps the wildest Christmas toy craze of all time, Tickle Me Elmo was actually released in the summer of 1996. It didn't became a phenomenon until shortly after Thanksgiving, when a feature on Rosie O'Donnell and news reports of low stock prompted panicked parents to risk life and limb to get their hands on one.

By the end of Christmas that year, and after many injuries and in-store brawls, Tyco had sold over a million Tickle Me Elmos.

"That year only one kid in my class got one and they brought it to school to show everyone. Apparently they were extremely hard to find and their parents waited outside a store before they opened just to get one," a user wrote on Reddit.

christmas, holidays, christmas gifts, nostalgia, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, tickle me elmo, easy bake oven, chatty cathy Tickle Me Elmo changed Christmas as we know it in the 90s.Kevin Labianco/Flickr

4. Chatty Cathy

Long before Tickle Me Elmo hit the scene, and way before the term "Chatty Cathy" was used to refer to someone who couldn't stop talking, kids in the '50s and '60s were falling all over themselves to get a hold of this talking doll. Chatty Cathy was the original pull-string doll, coming pre-programmed with seven different talking phrases. This was big news at the time.

One Reddit user reports never giving up on her dream of owning a Chatty Cathy, and finally finding one at an antique mall many years later:

from Dolls


5. A rock tumbler

Rock tumblers, which could magically transform rocks you found in your backyard into shiny gems or egg-smooth pearls, became hugely popular in the 1960s. They were a staple of every toy catalog for decades, but parents were often wary because they could be expensive and loud (especially in the early days). A kid could dream, though.

"I never did get that dang rock tumbler. I circled it so many times in the JCPenney Christmas catalog (it was the 80s), that I remember the paper nearly being torn through," a Redditor wrote.

6. Barbie Dreamhouse / Malibu Barbie Beach House

Barbie was released in the late 1950s, but the craze really went to the next level in 1962 when the first Barbie Dreamhouse came out. The Museum of Arts and Design writes that Barbie's pad was different from anything else on the market at that time:

"While other dollhouses of the time featured baby rooms and kitchens, Barbie’s house was in a league of its own. It looked like a modern studio apartment in NYC—complete with sleek modernist furniture, a TV console, a record player, and even a bookshelf stocked with fiction and Encyclopedia Britannica, showcasing Barbie’s love for learning! Barbie’s walls proudly displayed college pennants, proving she was educated and ambitious. She even had a fabulous dressing area and closet—because we know Barbie is all about fashion."

It wasn't until decades later that Barbie decided to move to the beach in Malibu, getting a whole new playset as a result. One Redditor writes that the Beach House was their dream house, but sadly, it was not meant to be:

"[I always wanted] a Malibu Barbie Beach House. We were a military family and it wouldn't have made all the moves"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

7. Moon Shoes

There's not much to say about Moon Shoes. If you came of age at a time where you saw the commercial on TV, you know all you need to know about them. "Kid-powered anti-gravity" shoes? Sold! What kid wouldn't be obsessed?

Most of us were not lucky enough to get our hands on a pair of Moon Shoes, sadly. Whether it was the price tag or the high likelihood of injury, a lot of parents had to say No.

"Moon shoes. [Dang] did I want some moon shoes. Growing up we were really tight in money. Only necessary items with a few wants if we could afford it," one user writes.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

8. Power Wheels

Power Wheels are the ultimate "everyone wanted it, nobody got it," Christmas present. If you grew up in the '80s or '90s, you knew precisely one kid who had one, and they were the envy of everyone at school.

Released in 1984, the early models cost between $129 and $150 to start. That would be a whopping $375 in today's money—definitely steep for most families. But all '80s and '90s kids dreamed of cruising down the street in their very own mini Jeep.

from The1980s


9. Furbies

One of the few toy crazes that lived up to the Tickle Me Elmo madness of 1996, Furbies took the world by storm in 1998.

Where Tickle Me Elmo seemed to be mostly driven by news and product scarcity, a lot of kids really, genuinely wanted a Furbie—they could talk to you, after all, gradually transitioning from speaking their own gibberish language to speaking English. They could even communicate with each other.

There were even rumors that China and other countries were using Furbies to spy on Americans, and the NSA actually banned Furbies from its properties. Sadly, those stories kept a lot of eager kids from realizing their holiday dreams:

"I wanted one but I wasn't allowed one, my Mom believed the 'OMG DEY R SPYING DEVICES!!!!' stories that the news was pushing at the time," wrote on Redditor.

- YouTube www.youtube.com


10. Joe Namath Electric Football Game

Before there was Playstation and Xbox and John Madden football, there was Joe Namath. The vibrating, magnetic foosball-like game may not look like much by today's standards, but kids in the '60s got hours and hours of joy out of it.

"OK, old timer here," one Redditor wrote. "The must get present was the old 'electronic' football game where the big metal field vibrated the little players chaotically around the field."

"My parents bought one of these for me for Christmas in the early 70s. I was in 2nd grade at the time. By the time I hit junior high school, my friends and I played this all the time," a YouTube commenter added.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

11. Hi Heidi doll

Another hit from the '60s, Heidi's selling point was that she could wave and came in her own little pocketbook. Ah, simpler times!

One Redditor shares a harrowing story behind never getting her own Hi Heidi in the '60s:

"I wanted one soooo bad. My dad's company had a Christmas party when I was a kid, and they had a show in an auditorium with a glass display case. At the end of the show, they called up the kids in the order of their dads' importance (president, vp, management, workers) and we got to choose a gift from the case. When it was my turn, the only Hi Heidi dolls that were left were black ones, and they wouldn't let me, a little blonde girl, have one. I was so upset, and ended up with a hula hoop, instead. Never did get a Hi Heidi."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

We've barely scratched the surface of the hottest "must-have" Christmas gifts in history. Adults all over social media continue to go gaga over erector sets, tether race cars, Polly Pocket, Tamogatchi, Teddy Ruxpin, and more.

It's amazing how the commercials, catalog spreads, or TV jingles for these toys can take you right back to Christmas morning. It's fun to remember a time when our biggest dreams were to play, bake, or jump high in the sky with anti-gravity boots. Celebrating with our own kids or the children in our lives is one small way we can recapture a little bit of that magic year after year.