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Family

Mom proves the pain of being the ‘default parent’ by counting her 3 kids’ non-stop requests

“This validates my burnout, right?”

via Anna Shvets/Pexels and Jordan Klein/TikTok

Jrdan Klen counts the number of requests her 3 kids make in a day.

There never seems to be any downtime when you’re the default parent. You know, the parent that the kids go to first when they want anything, especially food. They're also the go-to person for school forms and bedtime stories, and the parents that the school reaches out to when a student is sick has to go home.

Some parents are the default because there’s an imbalance in the home, which forces them to assume most of the day-to-day child-rearing responsibilities. In other families, one parent is the default because the other is busy with work or other obligations.

Popular TikTokker Jordan Klein wondered why she becomes overwhelmed halfway through the day while watching her children. "I have three boys, ages 5, 3, and 1, and I continuously lose my sh*t. Sometimes it comes out. Sometimes," she said in a recent post. "I lose my sh*t right around 2 or 3 p.m. every day without fail. My husband works from home. But he does not lose his sh*t consistently. So, what's going on?"

To get to the bottom of her situation, she conducted a scientific study where she counted the number of requests she gets from her children on a given day, and the results were unbelievable.

This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

@jothemama
This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

"I downloaded one of those little counter clicker apps on my phone where I could just push the screen, and it ticks up one number, and I was just gonna hit it every time one of my children ...made a request,” Jordan said in her TikTok video.

Just ten minutes after downloading the app, her kids made 86 requests of her. She even didn't count repeats, and kids love to repeat themselves. “I guarantee you that if I were to ask my husband how many requests a day he gets at work... it's in the single digits, for sure," she added.

And they say being a stay-at-home mom isn’t a full-time job! “This validates my burnout, right?” Jordan captioned her post.

"I feel this completely, and point it out often to my husband. Like yall, Dad is RIGHT THERE. Ask him," CrochetFeen wrote in the comments. "I have 3 kids too and ‘Mom’ is now a triggering word," Sandra added.

The quasi-scientific experiment gives Jordan some excellent ammunition when talking to her husband about how they divide parenting duties. Even if it doesn’t mean he takes over the default role after work, it at least makes a great case that Jordan deserves more than a few lengthy breaks throughout the day and a few days off every month.

There is only so much stress and mental anguish that parents can take before they are no longer effective and cannot provide a happy and healthy home for their children. When evaluating domestic responsibilities, we often consider having a professional job more stressful than raising children. However, Jordan’s experiment proves that parenting can mean a lot more emotional labor, and families should take a second look at how default parents are valued.

From Your Site Articles

default parent

Health

ADHD work from home productivity unlocked with these 5 items. No, the secret isn't making a list.

For the love … stop telling us to make a list.

Canva

ADHD work from home productivity unlocked.

Having ADHD is like having this weirdly inconvenient but sometimes timely super power. If you don't have ADHD then that sentence probably makes little sense and if you do have ADHD I'm currently giving you the Hunger Games three finger salute. Hilariously the acronym ADHD stands for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder but in reality, there's no issue with a deficit of attention. We just seem to focus on the thing we aren't supposed to be focused on because it's shiny and the task we should be doing is dull and repetitive. This can make working (you know, the thing adults are supposed to do) difficult.

The routine of going into the office to work in a different environment can be helpful so long as no one talks to you for hour-long stretches. But working from home when you have ADHD is a whole different type of beast, the distractions are abundant. Why would you want to focus on writing a brief or doing a spreadsheet when you suddenly realize you haven't cleaned your baseboard since you moved into the house seven years ago? Now the spreadsheet that should've taken two hours takes a full work day because you keep looking at the baseboards and before you know what's happening you're on your hands and knees with a wet rag working up a sweat.

I know, I got you. That's why I came up with a list to help ADHDers stay focused on the task they're actually supposed to be doing while still hitting that reward button, even when you work from home. Obviously this list isn't exhaustive and won't work for every ADHD brain because ADHD is truly like a box of chocolates. Sure there are similarities, it's all chocolate after all, but nearly every piece is different. See what works for you and toss the rest. Well, don't toss it because that would be wasteful, repurpose it or give it away. Without further ado, the list:

Visual timer.

Amazon

1. A big ol' visual timer

Yeah, a timer. That's where the reward comes in. You tell yourself you're going to do a task for 20 minutes, so you set the timer and see how much you can do before the time is up. Sometimes it's just the right amount of pressure to motivate you to do the thing that feels like watching paint dry. The reward for completing the task before the timer is done makes your brain light up and before you know it, you're setting that bad boy again. You can get it here.

White basket.

Amazon

2. A small everything basket

Sure, you're thinking, "Why do I need a basket if I'm at home? I can walk to the trash can." Stop that. The basket is for everything you will inevitably collect when you're on your fifth trip to the kitchen or bathroom. That sock you picked up will lead to you in turn collecting more laundry. The next thing you know you've got a load in the washer and dryer and you're folding clothes instead of working. The sock you picked up goes into this basket by your workspace. This is the "until I can put it away basket." It will save you from deviating from the task. Buy it here.

Fidget toy.

Amazon

3. Bubble popper fidget toy

Because meetings are boring and your energy has to go somewhere so you can actually hear what the person is saying. I personally prefer the animal shaped ones because I'm actually a child with a mortgage, but really any kind will do. They're quiet and mindless. You don't have to look down to concentrate on the activity so you can focus on the task at hand: pretending to be an adulty adult in the meeting. No one will know you're playing with a toy off camera. Grab it here.

Office chair.

Amazon

4. A sit any way you want chair

I'm not sure if it's an ADHD thing or if it's just a coincidence but I've yet to meet a person that has ADHD who can sit in a chair like chairs are intended. Legs just don't seem to work that way when you have ADHD. This isn't backed by science but I'm sure they can do a study on it and prove my hypothesis. A wide-seated chair will let you sit however your legs need to fold in order for your brain to focus. Sit criss cross apple sauce if you'd like. Having the right chair will help create the environment you need to focus. Pick it up here.

To-do list notebook

Amazon

5. A sweary notebook

Making a "to-do" list doesn't seem to work for ADHD people. I'm sure someone loves lists that also have ADHD, but I personally have not met one. I like to make a reverse list so at the end of the day I can see everything I've actually accomplished. So instead of writing a list in advance, as I finish things I just write them down and cross them off. Check. It's done. I've found this keeps me motivated to start the next task because there's no order I have to follow. You just do a thing then write it down and cross it off. Get the notebook here.

Everyone's needs will be different but if you find you're focusing on the wrong things while you're working from home, this list can help. If you have a hack that works for you, don't keep secrets. Share yours and help another human.

Editor's note: Upworthy may earn a proceed from items sold on this list.

From Your Site Articles

adhd

Business

Dan Price is marking Giving Tuesday by putting donation money into the hands of his employees

Twitter

Dan Price on Twitter.

Dan Price is the go-to example for business done right. No doubt you’ve heard of the CEO made famous by going against the corporate grain, giving every employee a base annual salary of $70K, which—despite criticism—led to soaring profits (six years and counting).

So it’s probably no surprise that on Giving Tuesday, the business owner with a compassionate vision once again chose people over profit. Doesn’t make the idea any less genius though.

The Gravity Payments CEO announced on Twitter that every employee receives $500 dollars a year to donate to the nonprofit of their choice. With at least 200 employees, that is no small sum. But then again, Dan Price has made a name for himself pairing ambition with altruism.

We give every employee $500 to donate to a nonprofit of their choice every year.

Our employees are collectively way smarter than I ever could be as CEO. So instead of making top-down decisions on how to spend our money, we try to make bottom-up decisions.#GivingTuesday
— Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle) November 30, 2021

His tweet also read:

“Our employees are collectively way smarter than I ever could be as CEO. So instead of making top-down decisions on how to spend our money, we try to make bottom-up decisions.”

Price came to the base wage of $70K idea after an agitated worker told him that entry-level salary was, to put it bluntly, a rip-off. After realizing that the employee was right, Price was inspired to make a change for good, literally. To make this happen, he would have to slash his nearly million dollar annual income by 90%.

The decision was met with heavy criticism, but how can you argue with tripled revenue and a doubled customer base? These were the reported companywide transformations posted to Twitter after only six years.

Even during the pandemic, when revenue dropped by 55%, employees were so loyal to Price that they voluntarily took pay cuts to make it through the tough time. Those employees were then paid back, even receiving raises after the company earned profits again.

Bottom line: Price continues to live by his mission to “invest in people,” and it just works.

Since becoming the “CEO just trying to stand up for the underdog,” Price regularly tweets about injustices created by corporations, busting myths and making public call-outs.

Like this one, where Price pointed out that keeping stores open on Thanksgiving doesn’t actually help anyone. Least of all the workers forced to leave their families.

For the last two years, stores were closed on Thanksgiving and saw zero impact on their overall sales numbers.

So for decades they just forced low-wage workers to be away from their families for no reason.

And people wonder why workers are fed up.
— Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle) November 29, 2021

Or when he gave some staggering numbers to show the ridiculousness of “idolizing the rich.”

One of the biggest myths of capitalism is that the rich are "job creators."

In the pandemic, billionaire wealth is up $2.1 trillion and the number of jobs is down 4.2 million.

The myth is so dangerous because it leads people to idolize the rich and give them whatever they want.
— Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle) November 29, 2021

In regards to Price’s Giving Tuesday tweet, people were generally moved at how this empowered employees. Many people commented, “where can I apply?” Which is funny, yes, but also a testament to how (sadly) radical a move this is.

Business models that actually embody shared values are not only possible, they’re necessary. Though we are far from finishing, society has made major steps reevaluating work-life balance, living wages and fairer working conditions. This is in part because of people like Dan Price, true leaders who understand that power grows when it is shared.

Gravity Payments, Dan’s company, says on it’s website “we’re changing the way the industry operates. The world is taking notice.”

It certainly is. Hopefully the world not only takes notice, but follows the example as well.

From Your Site Articles

People share some unexpected jobs that aren't nearly as romantic as you'd think

Unsplash, Unsplash, Twitter

Dog groomer, librarian and knight.

Blink 182 said it best: Work sucks, I know.

When we're kids, we dream of becoming astronauts, marine biologists, firefighters … only to discover that these jobs are nowhere near what we imagined them to be. As it turns out, all jobs require work, sadly.

A recent Reddit thread asked: "What is an overly romanticized job?" And though the answers are blunt, they do reveal another side of these so-called "dream jobs."

Working With Animals

vets, dog groomers, zookeepers, lame jobs

Ace Ventura Movie GIF by MANGOTEETHGiphy

"You spend most of your time cleaning poop and you're paid like shit." – Coc0tte

FBI Agent

Sandra Bullock surprise GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Giphy

"I dated a woman who was with the FBI and she enjoyed what she did most of the time but wow was it dry. Imagine sitting in a car watching a house for 6 hours then going back to the office and spending a few hours writing a report. Or looking through 10 years of purchase records and receipts that you pulled out of the trash to build a case. Or sitting in a room at midnight listening in on a dude having phone sex with his mistress.The overwhelming majority of her job was writing reports, status updates, and reviewing financial documents in an office. The hours were terrible, the work seemed boring, and the bureaucracy was thick." – L_Bart0

Video Game Testing

Video Games Nbc GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I had a boyfriend who did it for several years… You play the same five minutes of game over and over again, hundreds of times (sometimes thousands). The job kinda killed his passion for gaming, and as far as I know, he still doesn't play anything for fun." – QuinnRMonroe

Knight at Medieval Times

medieval times, medieval times knight, medieval times jobs

knight lot GIFGiphy

"Those guys start as squires and deal with tons of grunt work and when they become knights, hours are still terrible but now you risk very serious injuries during practice or during a show. All of my friends that have worked or work there have had multiple surgeries, broken bones, you name it. They do like having the spotlight on them and they're like brothers but usually hate it after a while." – Linas416

Traveling Sales

Giphy

"For some reason some of my old coworkers got it in their heads that my traveling sales job was whisking me away to exotic places and gourmet meals on the company dime. No. No no no. Unless you think Syracuse is basically Paris and eating a poorly wrapped burrito while driving because you don't have time to stop for lunch between appointments is fine dining, sales is not sexy." – FistedTate

"Saddest part for me was on the road one time going out to a solo dinner (as usual) and being sat with a candle and rose in the middle of the table. I looked around and saw every other table was a couple and only then did it hit me it was Valentine's Day." – rocket-guy-12

Academia

How i met your mother spell GIF

Giphy

"If you get offered a professorship in Boise Idaho you have to take it, because you almost certainly will not be offered another one." – workacct1999

Architect

Architect GIF by Harvey'sGiphy

"Seems like lots of good romcom boyfriends are architects. In reality, the hours are long, the stress is extremely high, and pay is really poor for a skilled profession.Edit: I'm an interior designer, and it never stops surprising me that I make FAR more money than architects, with far less training." – RandomRavenclaw87

"There's a great essay that's titled something along the lines of 'the best time to be an architect is at a cocktail party.' I'm lucky. I genuinely love architecture and design and didn't really mind the killer hours and stupid tests when I was younger, and I have mostly worked for firms that ask me do quality work most of the time. But man oh man do the general public have no idea how cutthroat and fragmented the business side of it is." – Bulloak

Humanitarian Work

Angelina Jolie Love GIFGiphy

"People imagine you selflessly save starving babies. In reality it's a commute to a desk job and staring at a computer all day." – DJRoone

The Film Industry

the disaster artist filmmaking GIF by A24Giphy

"I'm currently on a show I love with people I love and it's the weirdest mix of dream job and ruining my life. I get to make incredible things but the deadlines are unreasonable, I haven't had a weekend in months and neither have my coworkers. I feel like I'm in a suicide cult where we are all too afraid to let each other down, meanwhile we are just lining the pockets of the CEO of Netflix." – jerisad

"Other people: "Do you ever get to meet {insert famous performer} ?

Me: "Sadly, yes." – Wuz314159

Lawyer

Harvey Specter suits GIF

Giphy

"Working as a lawyer isn't anything like on TV." – Grapezard

"I'm a lawyer and most of my friends are lawyers and I know very, very few who enjoy their jobs. The disconnect between what people think lawyers do and what lawyering is actually like on a day to day basis is massive." – _Doctor_Teeth_

Chef

Happy GIFGiphy

"It's not all creativity and celebrity. It's almost entirely grunt work, danger, injury, and long hours resulting in missed time with family." – tamiraisredditing

Fashion

That Is All Meryl Streep GIFGiphy

"People have big dreams, but most people end up working positions similar to quality control assistant at a random industrial uniform company rather than a designer at Forever 21, let alone Dior. Reality is quite brutal. Even if you do make it into the mainstream side of things, be prepared for all the negative stereotypes. It's pretty much true that it's filled with toxic, judgmental, superficial people who are also kinda racist…And those ethically sourced, made by women in developing countries, feel good brands? You'll be shocked by how morally questionable it gets behind the scenes.I left the industry kind of by accident due to life circumstances, but I always knew I was never going to be happy in that environment. Nor would I have made as much money or have any semblance of a work life balance." – lithelylove

Librarian

DC comics television GIF

Giphy

"It's not quiet, we don't read all day, we clean up our fair share of bodily fluids, plunge many toilets, and interact with homeless/mentally ill patrons fairly regularly depending on our location. Sure a bulk of our job is recommending books to readers and coming up with fun programs, but sometimes I feel like a community secretary…Or a social worker, which I did not sign up for. I love my job, but it is absolutely exhausting and gross and stressful and scary sometimes." – _s_p_q_r

Writer

flying kiss misery GIFGiphy

"You picture yourself at a typewriter in a cabin by a lake, crackling fire in the fireplace, a golden retriever asleep at your feet and a glass of lagavulin in your hand dreaming up the next great American novel. Contrast that to reality where the writing jobs that actually pay the bills usually involve long nights and weekends sitting in a cube farm writing the instructions that come with a toaster that nobody will ever read." – capn_gingerbeard

Airline Pilot

This looks a little too bright catch me if you can GIF

Giphy

"People think you are like Leonardo Dicaprio in Catch Me if You Can; swaggering through the airport, wearing sunglasses, surrounded by hot flight attendants. In reality, we're like glorified bus drivers whose job is 1% excitement and 99% absolute boredom just sitting in a cockpit waiting for life to pass by." – Essex1820

By this point, you might be wondering, IS there a job that's as romantic as it sounds? One user provided a humorous answer:

"IT is exactly as romantic as it sounds. It really is a bunch of nerdy guys in a basement spending most of the day on Reddit and acting like we're swamped with work."

And a delivery driver came in to offer the thread a different perspective:

"I work at a Dominos delivering pizza and everybody acts as if it is the most embarrassing job but I love it! I basically get paid 20 bucks an hour on average… and honestly I like it a lot more than my graphic design job."

Though maybe no job is as glamorous as it looks on paper, hopefully we can all find that sweet spot where even the less-than-ideal working conditions are still workable.

From Your Site Articles

'I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family.'

Read them both, all the way through. You'll thank us later.

Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,

Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.

Like, when I picture your mornings minus the chaos of hustling kids out the door to day care. I picture breakfasts eaten without staring at the clock, maybe a morning kids’ show, everyone still in PJs. I see you taking the kids to the zoo or the park or the lake mid-morning, snapping selfies with them and texting your husband the funny thing your oldest said. I see you throwing a load of laundry in the dryer when you get home (or whenever you WANT!), playing goofy games with the kids over lunch, eating food you didn’t have to pack at 11 p.m. the night before.

When the youngest goes down for a nap, I see you getting things done around the house or working on your in-home business or bonding with your oldest over a craft project.

I see you witnessing every milestone and every funny moment, amassing memories that will make you smile years from now.

Image via iStock.

I see you, glowing and healthy from days spent outside, chatting up the other moms at the park or the library or the gym, wearing whatever the heck you want, never going to boring department meetings, never realizing mid-day that you forgot to put deodorant on and can’t do a thing about it.

It all seems so nice as I sit in my cramped, sunless office, stressing about the project I’m way over my head in and wondering what my kids are doing right now (that I’m missing).

But don’t worry. I know there’s more to it than that.

I know you also deal with meltdowns and picky eaters and fighting over toys (over everything) and long, lonely days where you’re way over-touched and you don’t talk to a single person over the age of 4. I know there are rainy days, snowy days, teething days, and inexplicably-crazy-kids days. I know you go to the same park a bazillion times a week, repeat the same phrases to your kids all day, play the same games over and over, and prepare and clean up SO MUCH food.

I know you’re desperate for alone time and adult time, and I know you feel guilty when you take that out on the kids.

I know you think about your education and your pre-kids career, and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I know you wish you could contribute more financially. I know you worry that you’re pouring so much of yourself into your kids that you might lose sight of who you are.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family. It’s easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life — the things I’m personally missing out on — but I know that’s not the full picture.

The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they’re both pretty dang awesome — just in slightly different ways.

I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!

Love,

Working Mom

Dear Working Mom,

Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.

Image via iStock.

Like, when I picture your mornings, sipping a still-hot latte alone at your quiet desk. I see you going to important meetings, talking to important people about important things (or at least, talking to adults about adult things). I see you grabbing lunch with your coworkers, gossiping about the office, maybe on an outdoor patio, maybe over some giant salads and still-cold iced teas. I see you giving presentations in that cute tailored blazer you have, speaking eloquently and confidently to a room of people who respect your ideas.

I see you planning out your days (and having that actually be a useful endeavor), working on projects that interest and challenge you, getting recognized for your hard work from your peers and superiors.

I see you traveling for work — sitting on a plane (ALONE!), staying in a nice hotel room, eating dinner on someone else’s dime. I see how proud you are of your career, how good it makes you feel. I see how extra special the time you spend with your kids is — the way you’re eager to pour into them in the evenings and on weekends, the way you treasure every minute.

It all seems so nice as I sit here eating leftover cold chicken nugget bits off my son’s plate, half-heartedly yelling at the kids to stop tackling each other and preemptively beating myself up for all the TV I know I’m going to let them watch later.

But don’t worry. I know there’s more to it than that.

I know that you still feel guilty sometimes after dropping off your kids, especially when they cling to you and cry. I know you envy the person who gets to spend their days with your children, seeing the funny things they do and hearing the funny things they say. I know you hate being stuck in your office on a beautiful day, wondering what your kids are up to and wishing you could be part of it.

Image via iStock.

I know it’s hard at the end of the day, when everyone’s tired and hungry and cranky, and you’re desperately cobbling dinner together before the frantic rush of baths and bedtime, and you SO wish it could be different because those are the only precious hours you get together as a family. I know it sucks to have to cram all the housework and errands into the weekends. I know you get lonely when you travel, and all the nice dinners and hotel rooms in the world can’t compete with those little faces at home that you can’t kiss goodnight. I know you miss your kids, and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family.

It’s easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life — the things I’m personally missing out on — but I know that’s not the full picture.

The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they’re both pretty dang awesome — just in slightly different ways.

I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!

Love,

Stay-at-Home Mom