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Mom uses fruit analogy to teach her daughter a lesson in self-confidence

With a dragon fruit, a banana and two peppers, she explained why we shouldn't change ourselves based on other people's opinions.

Screenshot via Embassy of the People's Republic of China in the United States/Facebook

A mom explains the difference between opinion and fact using a dragon fruit and a banana.

Every human being is unique, and yet we seem to be hardwired to want to fit in with others. Sometimes, that longing for a sense of belonging can cause us to put too much stock in people's opinions of us and lead us to change who are to please others.

One mom has taken that tendency to task in a viral video in which she uses fruit to teach her daughter a lesson in being herself. In a video shared on Facebook by the Chinese Embassy in the U.S., a Chinese mom and her daughter speak to the camera while using a dragon fruit, a banana, and two different colored peppers as props.

First, they over the difference between a fact and an opinion. "This is a dragon fruit," is a fact. "A dragon fruit is tastier than a banana," is an opinion. Simple enough.

"Similarly, if a kid tells you your drawing is not good or that your hairstyle doesn't look nice, that's just their opinion. It doesn't mean it's a fact," the mom says. "We don't need to feel sad or unhappy because of someone else's opinion."

Next, the mom holds up a green pepper and asks if her daughter likes it. After the girl says no, the mom asks if she'd like if she changed the green pepper to a yellow one. Again, no.

"So we shouldn't change ourselves because of someone else's preferences," the mom says. "Just like you have people you like and don't like."

She finishes by asking her daughter what she'll do in the future if a kid doesn't like her or doesn't want to play with her.

"I will find friends who like me, or friends I like, to play with," the girl replies.

Watch:

It's a simple analogy, but an effective one. Even adults need to be reminded sometimes that people's opinions of us aren't facts and shouldn't be internalized as truths about ourselves.

"This is absolutely beautiful," wrote one commenter. "A perfectly simple way to educate all people, not just children."

"Everyone needs to do this with their child, wrote another. "This is a good parent teaching their child about the real world and social interactions. Someone's opinion is just that. An opinion. No need to get upset, offended or angry about it. Take it as an opinion, the same or different from your own, and move on."

"Agreed—and when you work on yourself it shouldn’t be for other people's acceptance, but for yourself," shared another.

Sometimes the simplest lessons are the ones we need to hear, whether we're 9 or 49.

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parenting

You probably know Mindy Kaling from her work on shows like "The Mindy Project" and "The Office."

On June 10, she delivered the commencement address at Dartmouth College, where she graduated in 2001. Speaking from behind a giant tree stump like, as she said, "some sort of female Lorax with an advanced degree," Kaling dropped truth bombs about life, living, goals, and dreams.

The entire speech — which you can read here — is chock-full of advice for people of any age or background.

Here are nine of the best moments.

— (@)

1. Speeches like this probably won't single-handedly change your life.

It'd be great if the key to success were as simple as listening to a few wise words from a successful stranger, but it takes drive and effort to actually create the change you want:

"In general, advice isn't actually an effective way to change your life. If all it took to make your life great was hearing amazing advice, then everyone who watched TED Talks would be a millionaire. So don't trust any one story of how how to become successful."

[rebelmouse-image 19478322 dam="1" original_size="500x281" caption="All GIFS from Dartmouth/YouTube." expand=1]All GIFS from Dartmouth/YouTube.

2. Treat your romantic partners with respect.

This one should be obvious, but apparently some people need reminding.

This point seemed like a nod at the babe.net article, "I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life." While Kaling, who is friends with Ansari, never publicly spoke out about the accusations leveled against him, this seems like a pretty clear reference:

"This one is just for guys: When you go on dates, act as if every woman you're talking to is a reporter for an online publication that you are scared of. One shouldn't need the threat of public exposure and scorn to treat women well, but if that’s what it's gonna take, fine. Date like everyone's watching — because we are."

3. Sometimes not knowing your limitations can be a good thing.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way of success is ourselves:

"I'll tell you my secret, the one thing that has kept me going through the years, my superpower: delusion. This is something I may share with our president, a fact that is both horrifying and interesting. Two years in, I think we can pretty safely say that he's not getting carved onto Mount Rushmore, but damn if that isn't a testament to how far you can get just by believing you're the smartest, most successful person in the world.

My point is, you have to have insane confidence in yourself, even if it's not real."

4. Others don't need to fail in order for you to succeed.

There doesn't need to be a loser in order for a winner to exist. We can all succeed at once, so let's take care of each another:

"I'm giving you permission to root for yourself. And while you're at it, root for those around you too. It took me a long time to realize that success isn't a zero-sum game."

5. The world wants women to fight each other.

At the annual United State of Women conference in May, Michelle Obama talked about the importance of women fighting for more than just one seat at the negotiating table in life: "I think so many of us have gotten ourselves at the table, but we're still too grateful to be at the table to really shake it up."

Kaling touched on that same theme in her speech:

"Hey girls, we need to do a better job of supporting each other. I know that I am guilty of it too. We live in a world where it seems like there's only room for one of us at the table. So when another woman shows up, we think, 'Oh my god, she's going to take the one woman spot! That was supposed to be mine!' But that's just what certain people want us to do!"

6. There's nothing wrong with a little self-promotion.

Kaling made a great point about women being afraid to brag a bit by working in references to her latest movie:

"Wouldn't it be better if we worked together to dismantle a system that makes us feel like there's limited room for us? Because when women work together, we can accomplish anything. Even stealing the world’s most expensive diamond necklace from the Met Gala, like in 'Ocean's 8,' a movie starring me, which opens in theaters June 8th. And to that end, women, don't be ashamed to toot your own horn like I just did."

7. Your goals may change as you go through life, and that's OK.

Kaling lists the goals she had for herself as she entered college, noting that just 1 of the 6 came true. Still, she's not disappointed:

"I just want to tell you guys, don't be scared if you don't do things in the right order, or if you don't do some things at all. I didn't think I'd have a child before I got married, but hey, it turned out that way, and I wouldn't change a thing. I didn't think I'd have dessert before breakfast today, but hey, it turned out that way and I wouldn't change a thing."

8. Find what works for you and let go of what doesn't.

Her example centers around the idea of checklists, but it could be applied to pretty much anything:

"So if I could impart any advice, it's this: If you have a checklist, good for you. Structured ambition can sometimes be motivating. But also, feel free to let it go. Yes, my culminating advice from my speech is a song from the Disney animated movie, 'Frozen.'"

9. There are a lot of people who'll try to stand in your way. Don't become one of them.

Life's hard enough without putting up additional obstacles to your own success:

"I was not someone who should have the life I have now, and yet I do. I was sitting in the chair you are literally sitting in right now and I just whispered, 'Why not me?' And I kept whispering it for 17 years; and here I am, someone that this school deemed worthy enough to speak to you at your commencement.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something, but especially not yourself. Go conquer the world. Just remember this: Why not you? You made it this far."

Watch Kaling's moving (and very funny) speech below.

For this man, makeup isn't just a hobby. It's an identity.

True

"I’m definitely really comfortable in my skin," Kody says. But a few years ago, that wasn't the case.

When Kody was in high school, he hadn't yet come out as gay. He was young and still figuring out who he was.

"I wanted to fit in," he says. "I wanted to be just like everyone else."

All photos by L'Oreal Dermablend.

He struggled with his identity, trying to reconcile who he knew he was and who he wanted to be. It wasn’t until he accepted himself that he was able to begin moving forward.

"I came out when I was 19," Kody says. "It was terrifying. I was so afraid of what people would think." But once he took the leap, he realized that he was free. "You unlock the door, and now you can live your life and express the way you feel."

Free to start expressing himself without shame, Kody began to explore. He found his passion somewhere unexpected: in makeup.

"Once I discovered makeup and once I discovered I was good at it, I started to feel more comfortable about who I am," Kody explains. Makeup gave Kody an opportunity to show off his personality in a more visual way, as a form of art and expression.

Now as a professional makeup artist, Kody uses Dermablend on all his customers, from those with "perfect" skin to those with a skin condition.

He loves it because it improves the appearance of one’s complexion without feeling like a lot of makeup. Dermablend also boasts high-performance pigments which allow the foundation and concealer to cover any skin condition. So no matter who Kody's applying makeup to, the end result is flawless.

Kody hopes that, with his help, many more people will embrace who they are because they finally feel comfortable in their own skin.

"All you have to do is just be yourself, and if you do want to wear makeup, the choice is all up to you."

Watch Kody’s story of using makeup to find empowerment:

Dermablend Reflections: Kody
Growing up, he always felt different, but now he loves what he sees in the mirror. And he's helping to spread that feeling.
Posted by Upworthy on Friday, December 1, 2017

But makeup didn’t just help Kody find his identity. It also helped him find his purpose.

"Before, I just didn’t see where I was supposed to go in life," he says. Like any young person, Kody had a hard time figuring out what his passion was and how he could incorporate it into his career. But makeup turned out to be the answer to that question, too.

"I love how I can make a customer feel really good about how they feel," Kody says. "It really makes me want to help others." He works hard to help his clients make sure their face reflects exactly what they feel on the inside. And when he gets it right, he can tell right away. "Usually their face just brightens up. They glow up," he says.

Kody wants to spread the message that makeup isn’t something you should use to hide. It’s something you should use to reveal who you truly are.

"You’re beautiful with or without makeup," Kody insists. He emphasizes that makeup is something that anyone can do — or choose not to do. "Makeup is definitely a choice. It’s a very good way to have an outlet to express yourself."

In the end, it’s all about being true to yourself. "It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy, if you’re a girl," he says. "Whatever you want to express, whatever you want to feel, you just do it."

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'Reflecting on your own self-worth is the most important thing you can do every day.'

True

MacKenzie has scars from high school — and not just emotional ones.

When she was 13, she started developing severe acne and redness all over her face. As a shy, sensitive teen, MacKenzie just wanted to blend in, but the acne made it extremely difficult.

MacKenzie. All photos via Dermablend.

"What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with your face?" Insensitive questions like that would pummel her every day in school to the point where she wished she could just stay home.

"People thought I couldn’t really stick up for myself," MacKenzie recalls. "So they just kind of made me an easy target."

She tried using foundation, but it ended up accentuating her acne rather than covering it. Of course, this left her feeling even more defeated.

Things like painting and volunteer work, however, helped her distract herself from the negativity she experienced.

One of MacKenzie's paintings.

In fact, volunteer work, especially when it involved mentoring younger kids, was so important to MacKenzie, she decided to pursue a bachelor's degree in social work. She also mentors students at a high school near her university.

Not surprisingly, MacKenzie very much relates to the struggles her mentees are currently facing. She often tells them something of which she regularly reminds herself:

"Reflecting on your own self-worth is the most important thing you can do every day."

MacKenzie also found solace in a new kind of makeup which helped cover her acne and filled her with confidence.

She discovered Dermablend, and it's helped her feel so much more comfortable because she was able to use it more for self-expression rather than something to hide behind. It's allowed her to be much more creative with the image she reflects back at the world.

"That outlet has helped me reflect upon my own beauty," MacKenzie says.

Today, she doesn't feel like she always needs to wear makeup. It's her choice, and that's incredibly empowering. Her foundation helped give her the self-assurance to make that choice. Now, whether she decides to wear makeup or not, she sees all the things that make her beautiful.

"At the end of the day, I look in the mirror and see someone who’s grown so much that nothing can bring me down," MacKenzie says. "Makeup or no makeup, I still feel so confident in myself."

Watch MacKenzie's story here:

Dermablend Reflections: Mackenzie
Growing up, she felt that her acne made her an outsider. Now it's something that helps her relate to the kids she mentors.
Posted by Upworthy on Monday, October 30, 2017

Family

The awesome reason one girl went from hiding her 'flaw' to sharing it with millions.

True

When Julia was little, she had a small grey mark on the left side of her face. By the time she turned 13, it had spread across her forehead and cheek.

Since it didn't look like your average birthmark, it worried Julia and her parents, so they went to a doctor to make sure it wasn't cancerous. While the biopsies came back negative, the doctors didn't have a name for the discoloration on Julia's face.

Julia Hernandez. All photos via Dermablend.

So, like any young woman of today, she put a photo of herself on the internet, and someone with the same condition told her what it was. It's a birthmark called Nevus of Ota, which is simply a hyperpigmentation of the skin.

Unfortunately, however, learning her birthmark's name was only half the battle. Now she had to learn how to live with it.

Considering she was also entering her teen years, a time when kids are the most judgmental, that was easier said than done.

"When [people] see my birthmark, they ask me if I have a black eye, or if I got in a fight, or something," says Julia. "That just made me feel, like, not normal."

She tried various coverups to conceal it, but none really did the job.

After years of enduring regular taunts and jeers, she finally came upon a foundation that helped — Dermablend.

Julia applying Dermablend.

"I was so happy because I never thought I would find a makeup that would make my skin look even," Julia says.

Now that she had the choice to cover up her birthmark, Julia decided to take a huge risk and put her whole self out there for the world to see.

She began doing makeup tutorials on YouTube during which she'd expose her skin pigmentation to show people how one covers up a birthmark like hers.

Showcasing this longstanding insecurity was not a decision Julia made lightly. She was incredibly nervous about what judgments might pop up in the comments. However, to her surprise, no such comments appeared.

Instead, Julia was flooded with messages of support and solidarity from people dealing with their own vulnerabilities. She even came across one girl with the same birthmark who was so grateful for the confidence Julia's makeup tutorials instilled in her.

But makeup isn't just about overcoming insecurities for Julia. It's also about exploring her artistic side.

"My face is like a canvas," Julia says. "I love to paint, so I get to be creative and create whatever look I want that day."

She doesn't feel like she has to cover up her birthmark all the time anymore, but when she does, it's more about showcasing her true self rather than trying to hide it. Dermablend gave her that choice, and with that came a huge dose of confidence.

"At the end of the day, it’s just a birthmark," Julia says. "It’s not who I am."

Check out Julia's whole story here:

Dermablend Reflections: Julia
After hiding her birthmark for years, she now feels comfortable just being able to be herself.
Posted by Upworthy on Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Being rich, famous, and at the top of your field is awesome. But it doesn’t absolve anyone from self-doubt and anxiety.

Just ask Samantha Ponder. At 31, she’s been a successful sideline reporter and "College GameDay" host, and she's a mom to two beautiful kids. Most recently in 2017, she became the first female host of ESPN’s "Sunday NFL Countdown," shattering the concept that women can’t talk sports from the desk.

Picture day at my new school. 👍🏼
A post shared by Sam Ponder (@samanthaponder) on Jul 31, 2017 at 6:42pm PDT

Despite a decade of hard-earned experience under her belt, she still felt insecure at times. “Every job I’ve had I’ve wondered, 'holy crap, I don’t know if I’m good enough,'” she says.

Like many of us, she struggled to define her self-worth at work. She often passed salary and contract negotiations off to an agent. Early in her career, Ponder found it difficult to manage criticism and negativity from social media trolls.

"I used to call my dad to ask what I was doing wrong," she recalls. "He usually responded with 'consider the source.'"

But even with a great support network, it's difficult not to let that type of criticism affect your self-image. It wasn't until she gave birth to her daughter that Ponder gained new perspective.

My favorite time of day. "Mama les snuggle an watch basitball." ❤🏀
A post shared by Sam Ponder (@samanthaponder) on Mar 18, 2017 at 7:20pm PDT

Ponder started thinking about what she would advise her daughter to do. Then she started to act on it herself.

Instead of handing difficult conversations off to her agent, she took her seat at the table.

"Talking about money makes me so uncomfortable, but this time around, I was much more involved," she says, referring to the contract negotiations for her new job at ESPN. She fought the doubting voice inside her saying, “What if they don’t want me? What if they say you should just be glad we gave you a job.” And replaced it with "What would I tell my daughter to do?"

It's this philosophy that's carried Ponder to the top of her field and in proving her worth — to herself and others. In reflecting on her career so far, Ponder highlights three key truths that continue to motivate her.

1. Don’t bluff.

Women frequently undervalue themselves in the workplace, which can lead to lower pay and ultimately less upward mobility into executive roles. Ponder says success in negotiating requires balance: be confident and honest in estimating your worth. Having specific examples and honest reasons to back it up not only strengthens your case but also allows you to be OK (truly OK) with walking away if your employer decides not to negotiate.

2. Maintain an identity separate from your job.

It’s easy to let the power dynamics of a job negotiation cloud your vision of yourself. "If you need the offer to feel happy, then they control you," she says.

If the job means everything to you, you no longer have negotiating power. No job is more important that your happiness. Whether it's family, friends, faith, a hobby, or a side hustle, it's important to find ways to maintain your happiness outside of work.

Never a dull moment with this chick. Today she told me she needed a purse because she had a business meeting 😏
A post shared by Sam Ponder (@samanthaponder) on Mar 6, 2017 at 7:25pm PST

3. Know your boundaries.

"At the end of the day, everybody’s got to feed their family," Ponder says. Know your boundaries and what walking away means for you, she advises.

It’s all part of an effort to change her own learned behaviors now so that when her daughter’s generation confronts the same issues, it’s less uncomfortable. Whether it’s salary negotiations, setting an example for your child, or simply finding peace in a new position, Ponder reiterates the importance of cutting yourself some slack.

“I think can we all just admit that we’re insecure. All of us,” she said.

Knowing this, and owning it, allows you to take the pressure off and get down to real business.

For more from our I’ll Just Say it series, read on here.

Tracee Ellis Ross gave an epic speech about being single and child-free at 45.

If you have marriage or child advice for actor Tracee Ellis Ross, keep it to yourself.

Speaking at Glamour's 2017 Women of the Year Summit on Nov. 13 in New York City, Ross (who is on "Black-ish") talked about taking ownership of her life and having the courage to live with her own wants and needs in mind.

In her incredible peech, the 45-year-old actor — who does not have any children and is not married — focused on overcoming the intense pressures facing women to follow the conventional path through adulthood that includes settling down with a partner and starting a family together.

"It’s really interesting to be a woman and to get to 45 and not be married and to not have kids," Ross began.

She continued (emphasis added):

"You start hearing crazy shit like: 'Oh, you just haven’t found the right guy yet,' 'What are you going to do,' 'Oh, you poor thing,' 'Why is someone like you still single,' 'Have you ever thought of having kids,' 'Why don’t you just have a kid on your own?' It’s never ending and not helpful."

Photo by Chris Delmas/AFP/Getty Images.

Ross she said dreamed of having a wedding when she was a little girl, but she "also dreamed of winning an Oscar and being on the cover of magazines and making a difference in the world, helping women find our voices."

It was from those dreams that she's been able to shine brightly.

"I have built an incredible life. I have become a woman that I am proud to be," she stated.

"And then someone tells me about their friend who adopted a child at 52 and how 'it’s never too late for your life to have meaning,' and my worth gets diminished as I am reminded that I have 'failed' on the marriage and carriage counts. Me! This bold, liberated, independent woman."

Photo by Valerie Macon/AFP/Getty Images.

One day, when she was journaling, four words popped into her head and onto the paper — and they made all the difference in the world.

"I’m sitting there freewriting, maybe conversing with my inner child, and I write down: MY LIFE IS MINE."

"Those words stopped me in my tracks and honestly brought so many tears to my eyes. Seems so obvious, but obviously it wasn’t. Because I have not been living my life as if it was my own. I mean, to a certain extent, yes, but on a deep level, no. So, if my life is actually mine — then I have to really live it for myself. I have to put myself first and not be looking for permission to do so."

Photo by Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images.

Ross' words have garnered plenty of praise online and have especially struck a chord with women who've felt the same pressures to conform to societal norms as they grow older. Why should Ross — a Golden Globe-winning actor and successful entrepreneur — think for a second that she's less than because she doesn't have children and isn't married?

"Here’s some good news: You too can go from being you to being the brave you," Ross said, closing out her speech. "And you should definitely try it if you haven’t already!"

"Because brave you is so beautiful! Not beautiful like your hair all did or your brows all clean. When I think of what is beautiful, I think of a tree; I think of seeing a bird soar. I think of an embodied woman; I think of my mom in her ‘this is me’ glory stance, arms up, heart open, hair big, sexual, powerful, and full of agency.
***
This beautiful, powerful part of you is just waiting for your invitation."

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