A woman flexing in a green shirt.
People are always taught that it’s right to be kind and to make others feel comfortable. To be someone who isn’t easily offended and doesn't make people walk on eggshells. However, Kim Peretz, a personal growth influencer and host of the Claim Your Power podcast, says that people shouldn’t always be totally comfortable around you.
“People should be 5% uncomfortable around you ... it does not mean that you are a rude, unkind, unpleasant, malicious person, it means that there is an unspoken energy in your aura, an unspoken declaration that you don't need to verbalize outwards. It’s in how you carry yourself,” she said in a TikTok video with over 60,000 views. “How you respect yourself in your own self-worth and how much you love yourself, that those around you do not feel comfortable enough to disrespect you, to talk down on you, or to betray you.”
@kimperetzz When you truly love yourself, your energy speaks before you do. It’s not about being intimidating or cold at all (stay kind and with good values) but rather it’s about having an aura so grounded and self-assured that people naturally think twice before disrespecting you. That slight discomfort at the thought of disrespecting you is the frequency of true AUTHENTICITY. It comes from deep self-love, from knowing your worth so fully that your presence silently commands integrity. comment “part 2” if you want me to make a more in depth explaination on this #energyspeaks #selfdevelopment #mindsetshift #selfeesteem #personalgrowth
Peretz believes that once people become comfortable making others a little uncomfortable, something hidden within them will be unleashed, and they will earn more respect from everyone.
Why it's okay to make others a little uncomfortable
“You're going to go from being this like people pleaser person who overextends themselves, who doesn't have boundaries, who isn't fully immersed in their self-worth, to this energy of ‘I am in my power. I know who I am, I am this kind, loving person, and you do not mess with my energy because my energy is my gift and I protect it at all costs.’ And it's not something that you say; it's in how you carry yourself,” she continued.
A confident woman.via Canva/Photos
Peretz may come off as a little “woo-woo,” as they say, with her use of words like energy, aura, and power, but there is a lot of truth at the heart of her message: You should carry yourself in a way that people should be concerned about crossing you.
Although Peretz’s post seemed controversial, just about everyone applauded her in the comments.
“Yeah, I think it’s all about boundaries. Knowing who you are and not dimming that for others really angers other people’s demons. Really wish I had known that when I was younger, would have saved some painful memories. I am absolutely done with that, staying true to who I am,” AGraceFilledGarden wrote.
@drazizgazipura Why You Should Stop Being So Nice #draziz #confidencecoach #SocialAnxiety #niceness #lessnice #conversation #authenticself #confidentconversation #communication #stuck #liberateyourself #nicepeople #doubleyourconfidence #confidence #confidenceboost #avoidance #anxious #socialanxiety #stopbeingniceguy #rejection #anxiety #selfesteemcheck #lowconfidence #socialconfidencebuilding
Rethinking what it means to be 'nice'
Dr. Aziz Gazipura, the world’s leading confidence expert and author of Not Nice, shares the same sentiment on his website. He says that when we are overly concerned about other people’s feelings, it’s a sign of weakness, not compassion. “Over-responsibility is when you take too much responsibility for the feelings and experiences of others,” Gazipura says. “In essence, this means if someone around you is feeling bad, sad, anxious, irritated, or uncomfortable in any way, that's your responsibility. You have to ‘fix’ the other person and their feelings to make sure they feel good again, and then everything's going to be okay.”
“It comes from an underlying belief that says if you feel upset in proximity to me or because of me, then you’re not going to want to be my friend, my lover, or my boss anymore,” Gazipura continues.
Ultimately, both Peretz and Gazipura teach that you can be kind without needing other people’s approval, and there’s nothing wrong with having a presence that makes others wary of taking advantage of you. That’s not being intimidating; it’s a symptom of having true confidence and the respect of others.