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self-confidence

Kids

Resurfaced clip of 3-year-old girl explaining 'self love' in less than a minute is pure joy

"Sometimes you need to talk to a three-year-old to understand a thing about life."

Photo Credit: Canva

A young girl and a woman hug themselves in an act of self-love.

There are times that age has nothing to do with wisdom. In fact, sometimes the pureness of youth can help us grasp ideas many of us spend a lifetime wrestling to understand. A video of a three-year-old girl being interviewed by her father has resurfaced recently on social media. In 50 seconds flat, she sums up the importance of self-love so beautifully and simply and is bringing true joy to many who watch.

Conor T. Murphy has occasional chats with his daughter Ty, who just turned six last week. On one occasion, he asked her point blank, "When do you feel loved?" She thinks for a split second and answers, "When someone hugs me and when I'm not lonely." He repeats these words back to her and she adds, "And when I hug myself."

@conortmurphy

Self love advice from Dr. Ty


He asks, "Do you think it's important to hug yourself? Why?" She answers without blinking, "Just because I'm a doctor." He affirms that she is, indeed, a doctor, and questions, "So because you're a doctor, you know that hugging yourself is helpful?" She adds, "It makes me feel relaxed."

He follows up, "Can you show me how you hug yourself?" Ty proceeds to give herself a huge bear hug, while smiling. "That's what we call self-love," Conor tells her. "And it's important, right?" She agrees emphatically. "Yeah, we have to love ourselves." He wraps it up by saying, "I think that's two very important lessons. We have to love ourselves—and everyone poops."

(The last line was not apropos of nothing. He is referring to a segment earlier in their conversation, wherein he brought up the topic of going to the bathroom. She adorably exclaims she is not afraid to poop!)

@conortmurphy

Everybody poops. “We really need to talk abut this” 😂😂


The comments were so truly wholesome. On TikTok, a person referenced Ty's "medical career," and asked, "Can she give me prescriptions for hugs, please?"

Another noted that Conor seems like a truly wonderful father, writing, "Dude, she's amazing. Good job Dad, you're doing a darn good job."

Just a few days ago, Conor posted a photo of himself with Ty on Instagram, celebrating her birthday. He writes, "One of my favorite things to do is answer people when they ask how my daughter is. If you have met her before, you understand why this brings me so much joy to answer this truthfully and wholeheartedly. Happy Birthday, Ty. 6 years old today. Seems like she was a 1 year old yesterday."

Again, the comments show love for both Ty and Conor. One writes, "Happy Birthday Sweet Ty! You are genuinely one of my favorite people whom I’ve never met."

Experts have discussed the importance of self-love over the centuries. Psychologist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW explains in a piece for Psychology Today, "Self-love entails accepting yourself wholeheartedly, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and prioritizing your physical and emotional health. It goes beyond mere actions and extends to your thoughts and feelings about yourself."

She illustrates helpful ways that one can practice self-love. Among many, one that stood out is the idea of "celebrating your achievements." We forget sometimes how far we've come. Martin reminds us, "Acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. For example, treat yourself to something you enjoy, reflect on your growth, or share your successes with trusted friends or loved ones."

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, is quoted in an article for Verywell Mind noting that the love that we give ourselves will help the love that we have for others feel secure and healthy: "It’s important to have self-worth because it impacts everything you do from your relationships, to how you work, how you feel about yourself, and how others view you."

Conor T Murphy and his daughter Ty discuss important matters. www.youtube.com, Bignight Media

If at such a young age Ty has this much figured out, imagine what wisdom she'll impart as she continues to grow!

Health

Neuroscientist shares the trick to stop worrying about what other people think of you

Imagine how freeing it'd be to stop caring what other people think.

A young woman is feeling rather insecure.

Everyone cares what others think about them because it’s part of our nature. We want to be loved and accepted by our social pack or tribe because it’s essential to survival. Historically, those excluded from their tribes have faced having to live on their own and lost access to valuable resources. In some ways, as humans, social excursion is tantamount to death.

However, caring too much about other people's thoughts can also become a huge problem. Obsession with other people’s opinions can lead to actions that contradict our core beliefs. It can also lead to low self-esteem and prevent people from doing what they like because they fear being judged.

This can be incredibly challenging in today’s world when we have to deal with other people’s opinions online. Whether it’s a comment on an Instagram post or scrolling through Facebook and reading someone's views on politics or pop culture, we are constantly faced with other people’s opinions.

How do we stop caring about what other people think?

How do we step back and develop a healthier relationship with other people’s opinions? Daniel Glaser, a renowned neuroscientist, says we can start by changing the stories we tell ourselves. “I have this person in my head called the ‘critic’ or the ‘editor,’ and at my worst, I’m incredibly good at conjuring up the person who would be most critical of my performance,” he told Vogue. “As a species, we’ve evolved to tell stories about ourselves, to create narratives. We make things real, and then those things change how we act.”

insecure, other people's opinions, young womanA young woman looking in the mirror.via Canva/Photos

Glaser says that to stop worrying about other people’s opinions, we need to imagine someone being very pleased and positive with ourselves. “The trick isn’t to not care what others think, but to care about the right people,” he says. It’s like when you tell yourself not to think of an elephant; that’s all you can think of. Instead, think about someone being pleased with your Instagram post before you put it up or think about someone loving your art before you show it to people.

“If you’re trying to plan projects, imagine a specific person saying a really cool thing…so the trick isn’t to stop yourself thinking of other people but to vividly conjure up someone who’s delighted with what you’ve done,” Glaser continues.

The trick: Think about someone thinking of you positively.

How to stop caring about other people's opinions

Mark Manson, the author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k” is a bit of an expert on not caring what other people think, and he has a different way of seeing things than Glaser. He believes that if we care too much about what other people think, we need to start elevating our game and doing things that are so important that other people’s opinions don’t matter.

insecure, other people's opinions, young womanA young woman doesn't care about a man's opinion.via Canva/Photos

“When you have something truly important in your life, something you’re willing to be ridiculed for, that’s when you’ll stop caring about others’ opinions. Ironically, that’s also when people start respecting you,” Manson wrote on his blog. “Imagine a burning building with a baby trapped inside. If you were the only one who could save the baby, you wouldn’t care what others thought. You’d run into the fire without hesitation. That’s an extreme example, but the principle applies to everyday life.”

Manson suggests asking yourself: What’s so important in your life that you’re willing to be ridiculed for it?

If you’ve been wondering how to stop caring what other people think, you’ve already taken an important first step in confronting the issue. But understand that there is a reason why you care what others think; the key is to find a balance where those opinions won’t stop you from being yourself and doing what you love.

Family

Mom uses fruit analogy to teach her daughter a lesson in self-confidence

With a dragon fruit, a banana and two peppers, she explained why we shouldn't change ourselves based on other people's opinions.

Screenshot via Embassy of the People's Republic of China in the United States/Facebook

A mom explains the difference between opinion and fact using a dragon fruit and a banana.

Every human being is unique, and yet we seem to be hardwired to want to fit in with others. Sometimes, that longing for a sense of belonging can cause us to put too much stock in people's opinions of us and lead us to change who are to please others.

One mom has taken that tendency to task in a viral video in which she uses fruit to teach her daughter a lesson in being herself. In a video shared on Facebook by the Chinese Embassy in the U.S., a Chinese mom and her daughter speak to the camera while using a dragon fruit, a banana, and two different colored peppers as props.

First, they over the difference between a fact and an opinion. "This is a dragon fruit," is a fact. "A dragon fruit is tastier than a banana," is an opinion. Simple enough.

"Similarly, if a kid tells you your drawing is not good or that your hairstyle doesn't look nice, that's just their opinion. It doesn't mean it's a fact," the mom says. "We don't need to feel sad or unhappy because of someone else's opinion."


Next, the mom holds up a green pepper and asks if her daughter likes it. After the girl says no, the mom asks if she'd like if she changed the green pepper to a yellow one. Again, no.

"So we shouldn't change ourselves because of someone else's preferences," the mom says. "Just like you have people you like and don't like."

She finishes by asking her daughter what she'll do in the future if a kid doesn't like her or doesn't want to play with her.

"I will find friends who like me, or friends I like, to play with," the girl replies.

Watch:

It's a simple analogy, but an effective one. Even adults need to be reminded sometimes that people's opinions of us aren't facts and shouldn't be internalized as truths about ourselves.

"This is absolutely beautiful," wrote one commenter. "A perfectly simple way to educate all people, not just children."

"Everyone needs to do this with their child, wrote another. "This is a good parent teaching their child about the real world and social interactions. Someone's opinion is just that. An opinion. No need to get upset, offended or angry about it. Take it as an opinion, the same or different from your own, and move on."

"Agreed—and when you work on yourself it shouldn’t be for other people's acceptance, but for yourself," shared another.

Sometimes the simplest lessons are the ones we need to hear, whether we're 9 or 49.

You probably know Mindy Kaling from her work on shows like "The Mindy Project" and "The Office."

On June 10, she delivered the commencement address at Dartmouth College, where she graduated in 2001. Speaking from behind a giant tree stump like, as she said, "some sort of female Lorax with an advanced degree," Kaling dropped truth bombs about life, living, goals, and dreams.

The entire speech — which you can read here — is chock-full of advice for people of any age or background.

Here are nine of the best moments.


1. Speeches like this probably won't single-handedly change your life.

It'd be great if the key to success were as simple as listening to a few wise words from a successful stranger, but it takes drive and effort to actually create the change you want:

"In general, advice isn't actually an effective way to change your life. If all it took to make your life great was hearing amazing advice, then everyone who watched TED Talks would be a millionaire. So don't trust any one story of how how to become successful."

All GIFS from Dartmouth/YouTube.

2. Treat your romantic partners with respect.

This one should be obvious, but apparently some people need reminding.

This point seemed like a nod at the babe.net article, "I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life." While Kaling, who is friends with Ansari, never publicly spoke out about the accusations leveled against him, this seems like a pretty clear reference:

"This one is just for guys: When you go on dates, act as if every woman you're talking to is a reporter for an online publication that you are scared of. One shouldn't need the threat of public exposure and scorn to treat women well, but if that’s what it's gonna take, fine. Date like everyone's watching — because we are."

3. Sometimes not knowing your limitations can be a good thing.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way of success is ourselves:

"I'll tell you my secret, the one thing that has kept me going through the years, my superpower: delusion. This is something I may share with our president, a fact that is both horrifying and interesting. Two years in, I think we can pretty safely say that he's not getting carved onto Mount Rushmore, but damn if that isn't a testament to how far you can get just by believing you're the smartest, most successful person in the world.

My point is, you have to have insane confidence in yourself, even if it's not real."

4. Others don't need to fail in order for you to succeed.

There doesn't need to be a loser in order for a winner to exist. We can all succeed at once, so let's take care of each another:

"I'm giving you permission to root for yourself. And while you're at it, root for those around you too. It took me a long time to realize that success isn't a zero-sum game."

5. The world wants women to fight each other.

At the annual United State of Women conference in May, Michelle Obama talked about the importance of women fighting for more than just one seat at the negotiating table in life: "I think so many of us have gotten ourselves at the table, but we're still too grateful to be at the table to really shake it up."

Kaling touched on that same theme in her speech:

"Hey girls, we need to do a better job of supporting each other. I know that I am guilty of it too. We live in a world where it seems like there's only room for one of us at the table. So when another woman shows up, we think, 'Oh my god, she's going to take the one woman spot! That was supposed to be mine!' But that's just what certain people want us to do!"

6. There's nothing wrong with a little self-promotion.

Kaling made a great point about women being afraid to brag a bit by working in references to her latest movie:

"Wouldn't it be better if we worked together to dismantle a system that makes us feel like there's limited room for us? Because when women work together, we can accomplish anything. Even stealing the world’s most expensive diamond necklace from the Met Gala, like in 'Ocean's 8,' a movie starring me, which opens in theaters June 8th. And to that end, women, don't be ashamed to toot your own horn like I just did."

7. Your goals may change as you go through life, and that's OK.

Kaling lists the goals she had for herself as she entered college, noting that just 1 of the 6 came true. Still, she's not disappointed:

"I just want to tell you guys, don't be scared if you don't do things in the right order, or if you don't do some things at all. I didn't think I'd have a child before I got married, but hey, it turned out that way, and I wouldn't change a thing. I didn't think I'd have dessert before breakfast today, but hey, it turned out that way and I wouldn't change a thing."

8. Find what works for you and let go of what doesn't.

Her example centers around the idea of checklists, but it could be applied to pretty much anything:

"So if I could impart any advice, it's this: If you have a checklist, good for you. Structured ambition can sometimes be motivating. But also, feel free to let it go. Yes, my culminating advice from my speech is a song from the Disney animated movie, 'Frozen.'"

9. There are a lot of people who'll try to stand in your way. Don't become one of them.

Life's hard enough without putting up additional obstacles to your own success:

"I was not someone who should have the life I have now, and yet I do. I was sitting in the chair you are literally sitting in right now and I just whispered, 'Why not me?' And I kept whispering it for 17 years; and here I am, someone that this school deemed worthy enough to speak to you at your commencement.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something, but especially not yourself. Go conquer the world. Just remember this: Why not you? You made it this far."

Watch Kaling's moving (and very funny) speech below.