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Gen Z debates 'The Taxicab Theory' and their thoughts on love might change the game

Relationship theories like this could be problematic.

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Taxicab light is on. Two people enjoy a romantic date.

The theory was simple, as many ideas from the hit HBO show Sex and the City were. To paraphrase Miranda Hobbes (portrayed by Cynthia Nixon), men are like taxicab lights. When they settle down, it's never actually about the person they wind up with—it's all a matter of timing and when their "cab light is on."

In a recent article for Verywell Mind, author Ariane Resnick explains, "The taxicab theory (also known as the taxi light theory) is an idea that centers around men and claims that they commit, or not, based on timing." Resnick then quotes therapist Afton Turner, LPCA, who claims, "The taxicab theory explains when a man decides he is ready to get married, it’s like he is turning on his cab light—he is signaling that he’s available and open to commitment. At that point, it’s less about who he’s with and more about the timing; he’s ready to pick up the next waiting passenger and marry them."

What Miranda (or rather the show's writers) says exactly is: "Men are like cabs. When they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever. And then they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that's the one that they'll marry. It's not fate. It's dumb luck."

A clip from season three of Sex and the City discussing Taxi Cab Theory. www.youtube.com, Matchacarbonara

This episode was released in 2000, when much of Gen X was settling down or in the crux of dating. Many of us took the monologue as a cute throwaway scene in a lighthearted comedy. It was just the kind of thing you post on a blog and then carry on with your life. It’s obviously reductive and, as Resnick writes, "problematic" for many reasons. Mainly, it's an odd thing to attribute only to men and it’s a laughable generalization.

Gen Z has some questions on the theory and topic at large, which spark healthy debates on TikTok.

On the "First Round’s on Me" app's TikTok page, a woman is asked, "What is the best dating advice you’ve ever received?" She echoes the taxicab theory, answering, "My dad told me last year that men either have their light on or they have it off. I have dated for two years straight and every man's light was off. And I was always chasing."

@firstroundsonmeapp

Do YOU believe taxi cab theory?😏 #nyc #fyp #dating #date #datingapp #firstroundsonme #single #datingadviceforwomen #datingadviceformen #relationship #love #ots #interview

The interviewer confirms, "Men are like taxicabs. If the light is off, don’t try to get in."

"Don’t even try," she continues. "But when their light is on, be ready."

In the comment section, a few offer their own advice. But many agree with the sentiment. "Great advice," more than one person writes.

But over on @BlackRyanSeacrest’s TikTok page, he debunks the theory. He especially pushes back on the idea that men don’t choose the "perfect woman" if their light is off. He asks, "Perfect according to who? The other women or to him? Because I promise you if she was perfect for him, he’d be with her."

@blackryanseacrest

The taxi cab theory isn’t real #fyp #dating #men #women #foryou

He lets the clip continue, then shares, "The taxicab theory is basically a stage three coping mechanism. It’s basically saying, ‘You know how that guy rejected you? It’s completely okay and has nothing to do with you. Because in reality, he’s not ready for a relationship and when he is, he’s just gonna pick some random woman in front of his face that he doesn’t care about.’"

He goes on to scold the idea that men have no feelings or thoughts and are merely guided by an unseen, vague readiness. He also points out that women are also capable of merely "coasting in a relationship just because they want to be in a relationship—even though the guy is completely lackluster."

Here, the comments are also quite supportive of the content creator. "Also, if he isn’t ready to be in a relationship, even if this hypothetical woman is perfect for him, THAT is healthy!"

sex and the city, carrie bradshaw, taxi cab theory, relationships Carrie attempts to flirt by winking. Giphy Warner Brothers, HBO Max

One person pushes back: "But then why do men date a woman for 6 or 7 years saying he's not ready for marriage, just to marry a girl one year into the relationship after his last relationship ended? Even if you say he just fell in love, imagine being the girl he left."

Another debates this idea: "This might surprise you, but those two women are in fact not the same person. There was something about woman 2 that brought him peace in his life."

The bottom line is that simplifying love and partnership—no matter the gender, sexual preference, or otherwise—minimizes the importance of chemistry. Sure, maybe timing has something to do with where we end up, but not always. In their latest piece for Pure Wow, editor Sydney Meister writes, "Because in a culture obsessed with finding the ideal match—often one that may not even exist—‘settling’ has become synonymous with ‘giving up.’ Yet, could it be that it’s not about giving up on connection, but redefining our expectations of commitment?"


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Love Stories

People have discovered that the happy couples they know all have these 25 things in common

"When I’m around them I am with a solid unit, not two separate islands."

Image via Canva

People share the healthy relationship behaviors they see in healthy couples.

Romantic relationships that last a lifetime are built different, and truly happy (and healthy) couples are obvious to those around them.

It's why TurnoverEmotional249 posed this question on Reddit discussing relationships: "What do all the happy long-term couples you know have in common?"

Happy long-term couples clearly have fostered healthy relationships and hold wisdom that can help others create the same relationship success. These are 25 things they nail when it comes to love, according to those who have witnessed it.

the notebook, love, healthy relationship, happy couple, happy couples the notebook GIF Giphy

"They like each other." —RomulaFour

"Perhaps even more importantly, they want to like each other. The failed marriages I've observed often involve one or both partners playing snake in the grass 'gotcha' games of passive-aggressive contempt. The benefit of the doubt is essential to useful communication and goodwill." —uzQP

"There was a point, 10-15 years ago, when I realized I was looking for reasons to be angry with my spouse so I could feel self-righteous for putting up with 'all her crap'. When I realized what I was doing I was appalled. But realizing it was a step in my next phase of growing up. We’ll be married 36 years in April and we’re closer than we’ve ever been." —porkchop_d_down

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"My brother and his wife were high school sweet hearts and got married their senior year. He's 65. He's the strong, silent type and she's the social butterfly. When I think about them, I think about teamwork. So, maybe that's it. They do everything together." —Sherry0406

"I'm going to throw out one that several people have touched on, but not explicitly: Happy couples don't keep score. I can't tell you how many times I've heard couples saying things like, 'I watched the kids for 40 minutes while you were running, but only got to play guitar for 35 minutes… so you owe me 5 minutes.' And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when you run… because the end is coming. I'm not saying fairness is not important, but needs are not always equally distributed. I stayed home with our kids for years, working at night, because I had the mental and physical bandwidth to do it. If I had been keeping score back then we would not still be married after all these years." —WaitingForEmacs

"My husband and I were married 47 years when he passed. We joked that it was because we never both wanted a divorce on the same day. Now that I’m alone, I see where our love made each of us a better person. And we both knew that all along." —olauntsal

humor, laughing, laughing couple, couple laughing, happy couple Couple Laughing GIF by Gogglebox Australia Giphy

"My parents ( married 64 years) shared some interests but also had their own. They loved spending time together but enjoyed their time apart. They were definitely a couple but respected each other’s differences. They also use to joke ( I think) about how they stayed together because neither of them wanted the children!!" —jlhinthecountry

"Couples who share the same realistic goals learn to correct each other when veering off the path forward. It's ok to gnaw on each other but reserve bites for very serious issues. I have very little in common with my wife but somehow we have built a beautiful life together since we met in 1982." —WokeUp2

"My grandmother had a love story I envy. She was divorced and met her soul mate at 55. They enjoyed life so much by just doing things together, nothing fancy puzzles, senior citizen activities, etc. They genuinely enjoyed each others company and were always on the go. At 83 my step grandfather died and that same year my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She said that god took him first to spare him the pain of watching her die." —User Unknown

happy couple, teamwork, together, love, happy couples Season 2 Good Job GIF by The Office Giphy

"They’re genuinely partners. They like each other and look forward to conversations with each other. When I’m around them I am with a solid unit, not two separate islands." —hellospheredo

"Married 30 years here. I think we’re 'happy' because we understand that we’re not always going to be happy. We’re going to argue, disagree, and feel irritable sometimes, but we know this, and therefore keep chugging along. After all this time, we apologize within a very short amount of time after a tiff. That makes me happy, that we can continually move forward together so quickly like that. The majority of the time, we thoroughly enjoy life together. We might be happy but we’re also human. I could make a long list of all the happy things about our relationship but wanted to be transparent, too. So, that’s my take. 😊" —Relative_Wishbone_51

"Their primary focus is the relationship. They turn towards each other, they treat each other with respect, as equals, and they don't let outside influences affect their marriage. They make it a point to have fun together. They are, with one or two exceptions, from stable two parent homes." —VicePrincipalNero

"Selflessness. Great couples are ones where both people think of the others need and desires above themselves. The key here is both." —OldAndOldSchool

faults, not perfect, happy couple, relationship goals, truth Im Not Perfect Amazon Studios GIF by Amazon Prime Video Giphy

"Sense of humor about themselves and their faults." —mama146

"They forgive each other quickly. They reconcile and have short memories." —Tariq_Epstein

"Each person in the couple has their own friends, support system, hobbies and interests outside of the relationship. They are not codependent on their partner and do not rely on their partner for ALL of their emotional needs." —User Unknown

"They disagree well, to the point that they can both say what they think knowing that if the other person disagrees it's perfectly ok, so it just sounds like a conversation." —ButterPotatoHead

agree to disagree, happy couple, good communication, conflict resolution, happy couples Agree To Disagree Season 7 GIF by Outlander Giphy

"They respected their vows, even when they didn’t like each other. They would seek advice and assistance from other long married couples (in our case, we looked to our grandparents ) and marriage counselors when necessary. If they had children, they were on the same page with each other about discipline, etc. And finally, off the top of my head, and I don’t love acknowledging this but the happiest long-term couples I know, some gay, some straight, are childless." —sodiumbigolli

"They are friends with realistic expectations of each other. And they enjoy hanging out together but are also content with time apart." —edzeusky

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8 things happy couples habitually do in their free time that other couples don’t

“Relationships thrive on ritual.”

Photo credit: Canva

Showing your partner that you care isn't always a walk in the park.

Congratulations, you found your dream partner! They're caring, attractive, and preternaturally good with your parents. The only problem? Finding the time—and mental energy—to show them how much you care. Living with a busy schedule is always challenging, but keeping the romance alive while also juggling work, family obligations, and personal commitments? That can feel nearly impossible. Many couples find themselves falling into predictable routines that leave little room for genuine connection: they come home exhausted, eat a quick dinner, watch television, then collapse into bed, only to repeat the cycle the next day.

Intentional relationships are the game-changer. Rather than letting precious free time slip away on autopilot, happy couples have proven that specific activities strengthen their bond while creating lasting memories together. These aren't grand romantic gestures or expensive date nights—they're consistent, meaningful ways of engaging with each other that anyone can adopt.

couple, happy, embrace, habits, partner Intentional relationships are a game-changer. Photo credit: Canva

Relationship experts agree: successful partnerships are built on activities that promote connection, playfulness, and mutual growth. The key lies in how couples approach their shared time—with intention, kindness, and a genuine spirit of partnership.

(1) They put their phones away

As Mark Travers, a psychologist who studies couples, finds, “a couple who spends a lot of time together, but is constantly distracted by texts, emails or social media, probably isn’t as happy as a couple who spends less time together, but without their phones.” He recommends carving out one-on-one time without any technological interference: cooking dinner together, with phones out of sight; going on a tech-free hike; or a simple morning spent together where the only objects in your hands are a coffee mug and breakfast.

via GIPHY

(2) They engage in playful or creative activities together

Playfulness and a stimulated mind are key traits in happy relationships. Instead of turning on the TV at night, happy couples often play board games or card games together, challenge each other in video games, or participate in friendly competitions like trivia nights to keep things light and fun. For more cerebral couples, finding time to engage in creative activities such as painting or even decorating the apartment can strengthen the connection.
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Sex Ed

Sex therapist reveals the 'mistake' couples make on date night before they've even left the house

People are debating the merits of doing the 'deed' before dinner.

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Going out for dinner, drinks, and dessert might make you feel sleepy; not sexy.

Physical intimacy is important in long term relationships. Somewhere between 15-40 percent of married couples are in what's defined as a "sexless" relationship, meaning it's normal for you to go a month or more without doing the deed. That doesn't mean all those people are unhappy, of course. When couples are on the same page about their frequency, even if it's low, everything can be hunky dory! But it's also often the case that one or more partners want more, and are frustrated. That's not a recipe for a happy relationship, not because the physical act itself is vital, but because a lack of sex usually has root causes like poor communication, less intimacy, or a lack of quality time together. When issues like this pile up and go unaddressed, divorce is a common endpoint.

But almost everyone has experienced those days or evenings where you have the best of intentions, you really do. You've secured a babysitter, carved out time for each other, and put all your ducks in a row for a romantic evening. But after a night out, you're just utterly exhausted! Does that mean you aren't attracted to each other anymore, that you don't love anymore, or that you're on a runaway train to Splitsville?

A sex therapist has one surprising solution for couples to try: Reverse the order of operations.

In other (slightly crass) words, "F*ck first."

marriage, couples, marriage advice, marriage tips, dating advice, love, relationships, relationship advice, sex, divorce Is doing "it" before going out a marriage-saving life hack? Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash

Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience as a sex therapist. She's made it her mission, along with her husband Xander, to help married couples keep their spark alive with really down-to-earth, practical tips shared on social media (and some funny skits, too).

In one recent video, the Marin's challenge everything we thought we knew about date night:

"You're on the way out the door for a sexy date night," the couple narrates. "But stop, you're already doing it wrong."

In the skit, Xander then turns to his wife and cheekily says: "Oh my god, babe. We forgot to f*ck first."

"The whole idea is you have sex before you go out on date night or out to a big party," she says, "because, let's be honest, once you start eating, drinking, staying up late, it's really hard to get excited about having sex after a big night."

She then urges her viewers to try out the little tweak to the usual routine and let her know how it goes.

Warning: This video contains strong language.


@vanessaandxander

Watch this before your next big night out! We’re in the holiday party season—which means eating, drinking, staying up late, and falling asleep before intimacy can happen. 🥺 Use the "F*ck First" rule to increase the likelihood of intimacy. Instead of waiting until the end of the night, prioritize intimacy *before* you go out. 🍷🍽 Think about it—by the time the date's over, most of us feel full, bloated, tipsy, or just plain tired. And honestly, all you probably want to do is crash into bed, right? 😴 By putting intimacy first, you’ll avoid the post-date slump and create a stronger connection for the rest of the evening. 💫 And share this with your partner so they know what you’ll be up to before your next date night! 😏 #relationshiptips #forcouples #marriedlife #datenight #ignitethespark #spicytime

Marin explains in the video that the "f*ck first" rule was initially developed by love and sex columnist Dan Savage.

In an interview with GQ, the famous author of the column Savage Love explained that the concept actually came to him around Valentine's Day, when disappointed couples would email him the day after to ask if their relationship was doomed because they hadn't "consummated" their big evening out with their partner.

Warning: This quote contains even more strong language.

"They got flowers, they got chocolate, they got taken out to dinner, but they didn't [have sex]. And I would look at that trajectory: flowers (who gives a shit), chocolate (I love chocolate), a big heavy romantic meal with wine and crème brulée and everything else... and who wants to f*ck after that? So, if you want to make sure you get f*cked on Valentine's Day, f*ck first, then go out to dinner. ... Then when you go home you won't be going home to performance anxiety or disappointment if nothing happens."

He doesn't mince words, but you can't argue with his logic.

@vanessaandxander

Waiting for secs to “just happen”? 😬 That’s a fast track to frustration and missed connection. Initiating isn’t just about getting things started—it’s about owning your desire, showing your partner you want them, and keeping that spark alive 🔥 When you’re proactive, you’re creating a shared experience—not leaving it up to chance or falling into a one-sided rut. Take the lead. Take up space. Be an equal player in your pleasure. ✨

The video racked up nearly two million views and tons of opinions from people in relationships.

Many agreed with the approach and admitted to practicing it themselves to great results.

"it also builds a great connection for the rest of the night"

"This has worked great for us! Plus if we’re still up for it later… that’s just an added bonus."

"tried it, we just stayed in bed and watched Netflix. 10/10 would recommend."

"My hubby and I have done this for years lol. It’s a great tip!"

"me and my bf call this 'quickie before the function'"

But others felt the "rule" offered up some logistical challenges, especially for parents.

"Explain this to the babysitter for me"

"Nothing like our kids screaming outside our door to really set the mood"

A few commenters had concerns they'd never make it out to dinner if they did this, while others saw it as a perk.

"I can’t go out with my hair and make up ruined," said one.

Of course, falling asleep is always a major concern. Sex is tiring yet relaxing, and releases a combination of neurochemicals that's proven to make us sleepy. So, if you choose to practice this technique, you may wind up missing out on socialization time and the fun bonding you'd planned with your partner.

So, it seems there are no silver bullets for busy couples looking to make more time for intimacy. There will almost always be something getting in the way or fighting for your attention (like kids... always the kids). But if you've got your communication and affection down, and you just need a little extra time and energy, Marin's suggestion might just work wonders for your relationship.

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