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A study found this flirting strategy to be the most effective, regardless of your looks or age

The ultimate pick-up line might be a one-liner.

via Pexels

A couple enjoying a glass of wine.

In the 1988 Disney classic “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” the titular character is in an unlikely relationship with his voluptuous wife Jessica. Roger is a frantic, anxious rabbit with a penchant for mischief, while Jessica is a quintessential ’40s bombshell who stands about a foot and a half taller and isn’t “bad,” just “drawn that way.”

When private investigator Eddie Valiant asked Jessica what she sees in “that guy?” she replies, “He makes me laugh.” This type of couple may seem like something we only see in the movies, but don’t underestimate the power of humor when it comes to attractiveness. A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that being humorous is the most effective way to flirt for both men and women.

“People think that humour, or being able to make another person laugh, is most effective for men who are looking for a long-term relationship. It’s least effective for women who are looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at the other person's jokes is an effective flirtation tactic for both sexes,” says Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology's (NTNU) Department of Psychology.

dating, flirting, how to flirt, flirting advice, romance, men, women A woman smiles at a manImage via Canva

“It is not only effective to be funny, but for women, it is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny,” Rebecca Burch, a co-author from SUNY Oswego in New York, added.

For men, showing off their sense of humor was found to be the most effective way to flirt whether they were looking for a short-term or a long-term relationship. For women, being funny was the most effective tactic when looking for a long-term relationship. For people looking for a short-term fling, appearing available was the most effective tactic.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

According to the study, humor is effective regardless of one's attractiveness. “Individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no effect on how effective respondents considered the various flirting tactics to be,” says study co-author Prof. Mons Bendixen.

If you see someone you like but don’t think you’re good-looking enough for them, give it a shot. You may still have a chance if you can make ’em laugh.

The most effective tactics for those looking for a long-term relationship:

For women:

1. Makes him laugh

2. Shows interest in conversations

3. Spends time with him

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Kisses on mouth


flirting, flirting advice, how to flirt, dating, romance, men, womenA man texts a woman sitting near himImage via Canva

For men:

1. Makes her laugh

2. Spends time with her

3. Shows interest in conversations

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Smiles

The study is proof that looks aren’t everything and shows that having a good sense of humor isn’t just about making someone laugh. A great sense of humor is evidence that someone is intelligent, wise, perceptive, confident, can see things from new perspectives and has good intuition. It also helps people quickly build bonds and share experiences, which is a great way to get close to someone in a fast and fun way.

So why wouldn’t Jessica be with Roger? The guy is hilarious.

This story originally appeared three years ago.

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Wellness

I was a Gen X-er going through heartbreak. A Gen Z friend gave me some great healing advice.

It's time to start paying attention to our Gen Z friends.

Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

Two woman walking on seashore

Heartbreak is an equal opportunity offender, no matter your age, race, or sexual orientation. But as each generation evolves, new coping mechanisms are learned, thanks in part to online wisdom. So when I, a woman born in the '70s with slacker tendencies and very few roadmaps to relationships, was going through a particularly difficult breakup, one 27-year-old buddy, Kev, gave me life-changing tips. Now when all that ghosting, gaslighting, and whatever the kids are doing these days occurs, I know just what to do.

LEARN TO LOVE THE BLOCK FEATURE

Text Chat GIF by IlizaGiphy

When I was first learning how to be dumped, we didn't have any statement features like "unfriend," "unfollow," and "block." The most we could do was just stop going to the same bar our ex went to and hope for the best. Now, Kev reminds me, we can take action to help alleviate future pain, and that is to cut off contact.

Now, that doesn't mean everyone who ever does you wrong should lose all access. It's, of course, a spectrum and relationship-dependent. But he told me, "When he texts you again—and he will text you again—let his heart sink when he sees that little blue bubble turn green."

I innocently asked, "What if he wants to get back together?" To which Kev replied, "He's gonna have to work harder than just sending you a meme. Plus, unfollowing and blocking will give you time to decide if YOU even miss HIM."

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE


Giphy

This issue is far from generational, but letting go has never been a forte of mine. That, mixed with my "somewhat" obsessive tendencies, has led to hours, maybe months, of combing through old texts and voicemails, trying to decipher just where it all went wrong. Kev says, "Delete and never look back."

"Don't even let yourself have the chance to stare at your old inside jokes. They're in the past now. And you're a shark, always swimming forward."

I tried to ask, even the sexy late-night texts? "Especially those, girl. Byeeee."

FAKE IT TILL YOU'RE OVER IT


table dance GIFGiphy

Back in the '90s, a guy would dump me, and my only reprieve was singing "I Will Survive" at karaoke. Usually to him and whatever lucky lady he landed on next. Sure, after a bunch of lemon-drop shots, it felt cathartic at the time. But Kev implored me that the worst thing you could do is show them your pain. "There's nothing to be ashamed of when you're sad, hurt, or angry. But unload that stuff on your friends or therapist. Because there's nothing sexier than seeming like you've moved on!"

SUMMON YOUR INNER BADASS


Super 8 Good Luck GIF by JessGiphy

Looking to your favorite musicians for inspiration is a fabulous idea. Whether it's the Gen X legend, Madonna, the millennial guru, Lady Gaga, or the current reigning queen, Chappell Roan, let their music guide you to your best self. (Of course, it doesn't have to be pop stars. It can be rap, heavy metal, or classic rock too, though Kev warns that "Yacht rock might make you too sleepy.")

Kev must have sent me links to at least five Chappell Roan songs. "Listen to 'Good Luck, Babe.' Feel it. Live it."

Then he added, "Go do stuff you don't even feel like doing. Go dancing. Hang with friends. The more you're out of your own head, the faster he'll get out of your head too."

IF YOU MUST RESPOND, MAKE IT NONSENSICAL


Hot Dog Dogs GIFGiphy

Perhaps my favorite piece of Gen Z advice? If all else fails, confuse them. Let's say you couldn't bring yourself to actually block the ex, and eventually, they text you, "Thinking about you, hope you're okay," or something like that. Kev says, "Respond with a mysterious emoji, like a saxophone or a teacher on a laptop."

"Better yet, send a gif of a baby eating spaghetti or a dachshund on a skateboard. Then you block, and he will forever wonder… wait, what?"

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Health

8 simple, expert-approved ways to deal with a partner who is 'incredibly negative'

And how to suss out when it might be time to leave.

Photo credit: Canva

Couples therapist Jeff Guenther shares 8 strategies for dealing with negative partners.

It’s just a fact of life that sometimes our partners will be in foul moods. But when the occasional bouts of crankiness become a full blown personality—that’s a bit of a different issue, as chronic negativity can cause actual harm to a relationship.

At the same time, it’s important to now throw the baby out with the bathwater. If your partner still has plenty of other redeeming qualities, then it might be worth exploring how establishing new boundaries can possibly salvage things. Plus, nearly all of us have probably been through a difficult chapter where we weren’t at our best for extended periods of time. And it’s often those times that we need support from a loved one most of all.

All this to say—it’s not always an easy road to navigate, knowing when to give our cantankerous partner grace or when to cut ties. But couples therapist Jeff Guenther, who regularly shares relationship advice via his @therapyjeff TikTok account, has eight different ways folks can address 'incredibly negative’ partners through honest communication, which can be great starting points.

First, Guenther urges us to “validate” our partner’s feelings to establish empathy. “Maybe they keep repeating themselves because that's all they need from you,” he explained, adding, “feel free to meet them where they are at and be a little negative too, just don't live there.”

Second, he recommended being “straightforward” about the “impact” this negativity has had, jokingly adding to use all the “therapy speak” he’s imparted in previous videos. Example: “I wanna hold space and offer support for your negative feelings but constant negativity feels overwhelming my nervous system. Can we work together to find more balance?”

@therapyjeff 8 ways to deal with a partner who’s incredibly negative. #therapy #mentalhealth #dating #relationshiptips #datingadvice ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff

Three, create a "negativity free zone,” which Guenther says “sounds dumb but works well.” To set up a negative free zone, simply set aside time or physical spaces where grumblings are off-limits. You could even make it "playful" by coming up with a special signal to “catch complaints” for later venting sessions. But, disclaimer, “don’t be a turd” about catching complaints, Guenther warns.

Four, clearly communicate "emotional boundaries” around this issue. When doing so, it’s important to focus on “I” statements, and be honest about your personal limitations. Guenther demonstrates by saying “I wanna support you, but I only have 15 minutes to hear you vent right now. After that, I need to switch gears.”

Five, encourage problem solving. Basically, when a partner begins to complain, Guenther suggests to “gently redirect” the conversation from venting to “action-oriented thinking” by asking something like, "What do you think could help fix that?" This one not only stops the complaining, but helps remind the partner of their autonomy in the situation. Though Guenther does joke that “this sh*t never works but try it anyway.”

Six is a bit similar to five, since it also involves pivoting the conversation. “Talk about something else,” he says. “Passive aggressive move? Maybe. But if they get mad you can tell them Therapy Jeff told you to do it.”

Seven, don’t take your partner’s negativity personally. Their gloominess has nothing to do with you, and might just be how they are currently “processing stress and frustration,” Guenther notes. It’s easier said than done much of the time, but none the less incredibly important that we protect own energy by not absorbing others—even the energy of our loved ones.

Lastly, if all other methods have failed, Guenther does suggest to "consider compatibility."

“If their negative feelings are chronic and unchangeable, it's okay to question things. You have permission to end the relationship if their constant negativity is dragging you down,” he concludes.

Bottom line: there are of course dealbreakers to every relationship, and constant negativity is certainly a valid one. But there’s something to be said about having strategies to deal with our partner’s not-so-lovely habits in a way that’s compassionate and empowering. At least that way, no matter what route is taken, we know that we’ve shown up in the best way possible.

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This simple household rule could save your marriage, but there's a catch

Ever been told you're loading the dishwasher "wrong"?

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A stunning 25% of marriages end, in large part, because of arguments over household chores. So the third most common reason for divorce after falling out of love and infidelity is... cooking and laundry.

It seems utterly ridiculous, on the surface. But when you've lived with someone long enough, you know that having the same arguments over and over — even over tiny things — can eventually push you over the edge.

One common argument that pops up again and again: One spouse being told they're doing something "wrong".

Unsplash

Probably the stereotypical example is the husband loading the dishwasher but repeatedly being told he's doing it incorrectly.

This is where it's easy to fall into the trap of the "nagging wife" stereotype. Don't forget that husbands or male partners can be extremely particular and critical about certain things, too.

For example, Mom might pack all of the kids' lunches for school, but Dad sure has a lot to say about the nutritional content for those lunches.

Wife doesn't like the way Husband runs the kitchen while cooking. Husband badgers wife to fold the laundry a different way.

Even when the division of labor isn't a major problem, per se, sometimes spouses have trouble "letting go" of control when it comes to the "how" things get done.

In a recent Reddit thread asking for advice on this exact topic, one comment hit the nail on the head:

"My wife & I have a rule: if you insist that there's one right way to do something and (furthermore) insist on supervising it, you just claimed that job. On the spot. You might be surprised how much drama that has helped us avoid."

This stuck out to me because it reminds me so much of my own household.

I do all the dishes in our home, and one thing I really appreciate is that I never hear a word about it unless my wife or one of the kids needs a specific dish washed at a specific time. Otherwise, the kitchen sink is my domain!

Likewise, I don't moan about the mealplans that my wife makes. I'm happy to give my input when she wants it, or recommend something, but you won't catch me grumbling that I'm not in the mood for chili when she's gone through the immense trouble of planning that meal already.

It's a really solid rule of thumb. If you want it done a very specific way, and not just done, do it yourself.


laundry in washing machine Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

I asked Kelly Hubbell, who helps busy parents create a healthy division of labor in their household, for her tips on this common conundrum.

She sometimes asks couples who are in conflict over chores to think of division of labor instead of "partner collaboration," to get through to them that they need to work together to keep the household afloat.

"A great starting point is defining roles and expectations by setting up a 'standard of care' that both partners can agree on," she says.

In other words, have that conversation about what it truly means for someone to "do the dishes." When should they be done by, is it OK to leave a couple things in the sink if they won't fit in the dishwasher, do they need to be dried and put away or can that happen the next day? Hash it out in a collaborative way that you both agree on.

"By aligning on what’s most important for your family and agreeing (and compromising) ahead of time on how tasks will be done, you can avoid unnecessary conflict and focus on what really matters: quality time and shared goals."

Here's the big catch with the "you just claimed it rule." Guys have to participate in full good faith.

Weaponized incompetence, division of labor, mental load. These are all hot button words that can put husbands on the defensive, but the truth is that none of this matters if men aren't showing up at home and doing their share.

(Plenty of data shows that, on average, women are still doing way more at home.)

Hubbell says that you have to both agree to a standard of care for your home.

Only occasionally doing the dishes when you feel like it, or only doing some of them, or making your wife do literally everything is not an acceptable standard.

And if she doesn't get to nitpick how you do your chores, you don't get to nitpick hers either.

Outside of that, we should all be able to agree that the only wrong way to load the dishwasher is if the dishes are coming out still dirty! If they're clean, live and let live.

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