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8 things happy couples habitually do in their free time that other couples don’t

“Relationships thrive on ritual.”

Photo credit: Canva

Showing your partner that you care isn't always a walk in the park.

Congratulations, you found your dream partner! They're caring, attractive, and preternaturally good with your parents. The only problem? Finding the time—and mental energy—to show them how much you care. Living with a busy schedule is always challenging, but keeping the romance alive while also juggling work, family obligations, and personal commitments? That can feel nearly impossible. Many couples find themselves falling into predictable routines that leave little room for genuine connection: they come home exhausted, eat a quick dinner, watch television, then collapse into bed, only to repeat the cycle the next day.

Intentional relationships are the game-changer. Rather than letting precious free time slip away on autopilot, happy couples have proven that specific activities strengthen their bond while creating lasting memories together. These aren't grand romantic gestures or expensive date nights—they're consistent, meaningful ways of engaging with each other that anyone can adopt.

 couple, happy, embrace, habits, partner Intentional relationships are a game-changer. Photo credit: Canva

Relationship experts agree: successful partnerships are built on activities that promote connection, playfulness, and mutual growth. The key lies in how couples approach their shared time—with intention, kindness, and a genuine spirit of partnership.

(1) They put their phones away

As Mark Travers, a psychologist who studies couples, finds, “a couple who spends a lot of time together, but is constantly distracted by texts, emails or social media, probably isn’t as happy as a couple who spends less time together, but without their phones.” He recommends carving out one-on-one time without any technological interference: cooking dinner together, with phones out of sight; going on a tech-free hike; or a simple morning spent together where the only objects in your hands are a coffee mug and breakfast.

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(2) They engage in playful or creative activities together

Playfulness and a stimulated mind are key traits in happy relationships. Instead of turning on the TV at night, happy couples often play board games or card games together, challenge each other in video games, or participate in friendly competitions like trivia nights to keep things light and fun. For more cerebral couples, finding time to engage in creative activities such as painting or even decorating the apartment can strengthen the connection.

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(3) They spend time outdoors and stay active

Happy couples love to get the blood pumping! Many successful relationships find themselves outdoors: hiking, biking, gardening, or taking a simple morning walk around the neighborhood. These activities not only promote physical health, but also offer valuable opportunities for relaxed conversation and shared adventure.

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(4) They practice small acts of kindness

Small, everyday gestures can make a world of difference—making each other coffee in the morning, leaving notes, giving a meaningful hug, or surprising your partner with a thoughtful gift at the end of a long week. These tiny actions accumulate and significantly impact relationship satisfaction. Even seemingly commonplace rituals, like a goodbye kiss before heading to work, can substantially increase happiness between couples.

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(5) They schedule time for physical and emotional intimacy

When life comes at you fast, it can be easy to forgo important connections, like cuddling, massages, and sex, in a relationship. Many studies show that couples who have a satisfying sex life are more likely to be happy in their relationships, which makes structured intimacy a “good thing,” according to Travers. “Many people think it can diminish spontaneity, but if anything, it actually removes the mental fatigue of trying to make intimacy happen,” he writes.

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(6) They allow for individual recharge time

Yes, togetherness is essential. But happy couples also recognize each other's need for solo activities, which ensures that both partners feel refreshed and fulfilled. Hanging out with friends without your partner is healthy. Going to the grocery store alone can be surprisingly beneficial. Even morning journaling to collect your thoughts and reconnect with yourself can be a meaningful practice.

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(7) They hang out and socialize together

Mutual social interactions reinforce a couple's bond and add spice and variety to their routine. Try planning time with mutual friends or hosting a game night together to unlock your relationship's potential.

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(8) They dream about the future together

Happy couples feel safe with one another, and that includes discussing their futures together. If you're feeling stagnant or locked into a routine, try making vision boards together or dreaming about future adventures to stay aligned and inspired by your shared journey.

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Relationships evolve over time. The people we are when we first meet are not the same people we find ourselves with day in and day out. For some, this familiarity can feel overwhelming—but couples who thrive recognize that their relationship deserves the same attention and care they give to other important aspects of life. Through these small, daily actions, any couple can build a strong foundation capable of weathering any storm.

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Health

Expert shares the 1 sentence that can stop an argument from boiling over

The trick is that you have to really mean it.

via Canva/Photos
A guy having a collaborative conversation.

We live in an age of conflict. Sharp political and social divides are everywhere, and while it's easy to theoretically write off people who disagree with us on fundamental core issues and values, the reality is that we often must co-exist with them and learn to manage our conflicts in a healthy way. Sometimes that means putting aside our differences and "agreeing to disagree." Something it means hashing them out.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict. Not surprisingly, she's in high demand on news programs, conferences, and media summits these days.


  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”

It shows genuine curiosity in their point of view. That's critical to avoid someone shutting down on you.


 conversation, arguments, communication tips People coming to an agreement. Canva/Photos  

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Look out for signs of defensiveness like blaming, criticizing, making excuses, or being passive-aggressive. These are warning signals that your conversation is veering off the rails.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


 conversation, arguments, communication tips Two men high-fiving one another.  \u200bvia Canva/Photos  

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

The key words are "willing" and "genuine." These phrases aren't magic bullets designed to help you level your opponents. You have to actually, truly be willing to learn about their perspective and be open to changing your mind.

@danbharris

Let me know in the comments if this data rings true to you and your experience of conflict. And check out danharris.com for more from Amanda Ripley including what she has to say about “conflict entrepreneurs,”people who inflame turmoil to benefit themselves. #conflict #healthyconflict #communication #tenpercenthappier #10percenthappier

Another common tip that usually comes from the world of couple's counseling is to stop seeing the other person as your adversary. If you can imagine the two of you on the same team versus the problem, your conversations will be more productive.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Culture

American woman doesn't want to freak out an Englishman so she turns to the Internet for advice

"If you're on a date, you're together as a couple!"

Canva

A woman looks over at a formal Englishman

We are so often charmed by cultural differences — and why wouldn't we be? We watch the rom-coms where, for example, Hugh Grant flutters his eyelids and says the most impossibly posh, yet humbled compliment to the American woman searching for her "prince." (I get it, I've done it, I'll do it again.)

Hugh Grant, British Man, romantic leading manHugh Grant is charming.Giphy

But there are times that we get into sticky situations, either based on unfounded stereotypes or simple confusion. We risk the success of a relationship by ignoring some of the small (and large) contrasts in cultural dating traditions.

One woman on Reddit was not willing to chance it when it came to her potential English beau. She reached out to the subreddit community r/AskMen, with the headline, "Differences in dating culture between the US and UK?" She wrote,

 
"A couple of weeks ago, I (an American girl) met an English guy here in the States. I've heard of various cultural differences, but wanted to get some honest opinions. I'm not talking about changing myself, just trying to avoid saying/doing something completely off-putting without realizing it. What are some things I should be aware of when interacting with him?"
 
 

- An American and Brit discuss dating normswww.youtube.com

Her fellow Redditors did not disappoint. In fact, quite a few threads are dedicated to this very topic. In this one, a British man got right to the point, which was that some (not all, of course) Brits may assume a relationship is locked down before the American might.

 
"I'm a British guy. I think the biggest difference is that exclusivity is assumed over here if you're going out with someone, which seems quite different to how some Americans act. Then like others say, there's probably less 'alphaism', although confidence is still a key factor for guys."
 
 

A British woman also enters the chat, adding that, as an American, she best not leave her wallet at home.

 
"I'm British... I think it's much more common to split the bill on dates in the UK. There isn't an assumption that the man pays at all." (I have personally had a very different experience with this, so again it's some — not all.)
 
 

She also notes, similarly to the British man, that while Americans might remain with the status "It's Complicated" for longer on Tinder, the Brits often switch right to "In a relationship." She shares,

 
"Also, Brits don't date multiple people simultaneously. If you're on a date, you're together as a couple already. To be honest, the idea of dating as practised in the US just seems so complicated to me!"
 
 

relationship status, love, dating, gif, relationship, it's complicatedAn animated dog makes a love declaration. Giphy I Love You GIF by Chippy the dog

Another common theme among the armchair Redditors? In the courting stages, British men seem a bit more casual, often preferring to have a pint with their friends and then moseying over to say hi at the end of the night. One commenter writes,

 
"Maybe it's a little less formalised over here, and we're a little more likely to drink casually. Nothing crazy though. From that I'd say perhaps expect him to be a little more casual and maybe not take you to the fanciest restaurant or something."
 
 

After this same man (who is also British) politely, adorably apologized a few times for seeming to generalize, he adds,

 
"I found that American guys were a little more into being seen as 'the man' than guys over here. Less of a show is put on. Generally it's easier to do well with women in the UK if you're friendlier, self-deprecating, charming, silly (plus that's more how we are with everyone). The pressure to be the 'alpha' male is far less prevalent (although it does exist in certain circles)."
 
 

After a few people agree on the "Alpha" comment, the discussion shifts over to sneakers. This American shoes in,

 
"Except sneakers. American who grew up in London here. Every American I saw when I lived there always wore the most unflattering and obnoxious sneakers."

 
 

shoes, sneakers, American men, fashion, outiftsSomeone walks in sneakers down a street.Giphy Slamdunk Anime Aesthetic GIF by animatr

Which is met with,

 
"Well, if the issue is about dress and fashion sense, by and large Europeans knock Americans into a cocked hat. No one else really wears sneakers for anything except playing sports. To do so makes one look like a kid instead of an adult. They also don't tuck polo shirts into the belts and mostly don't wear Dockers at all."
 
 

Bottom line, and again this obviously doesn't apply to everyone—but things this American woman might expect from her British suitor? They're officially together after two dates, he might not pay for dinner, and he will never, ever be seen in Dockers.

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Health

Conflict experts share the 1 sentence that can stop an argument before things get heated

Here's how to shut it down before it starts.

via Canva/Photos

A woman skillfully stops an argument.

Has getting into a heated argument with your significant other, a coworker, or a child ever solved anything? Probably not. Heated arguments often lead people down the dark path of personal attacks, animosity, and getting so riled up that they stop making sense altogether. However, conflict is a natural and healthy part of our daily lives, so it can be very productive when we know how to have productive disagreements.

"If no one ever argues, you’re not likely to give up on old ways of doing things, let alone try new ones. Disagreement is the antidote to groupthink,” organizational psychologist Adam Grant said, according to Psychology Today. “We’re at our most imaginative when we’re out of sync." So the big question is, how do we prevent heated arguments from happening and steer them to more productive territory instead?

How to stop an argument from happening

A group of researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that it’s essential for people to create a safe environment to have a discussion, and the key to doing so is to ask open-ended questions that lead to points of agreement. Specifically, the researchers say to use “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated” or “I feel concerned” when expressing yourself during the disagreement. But the best phrase is one that clearly directs the discussion toward agreement.

The best way to stop an argument is with the phrase: “I’d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on.”


conflict, arguments, disagreementsCoworkers come to an agreement.via Canva/Photos

There are 3 big reasons why the phrase is so effective at stopping arguments from happening. First, the phrase immediately changes the mindset of both people from the areas where they disagree to one of agreement. We are no longer arguing about why we like or don’t like pineapple on pizza. Instead, we’re not focusing on the toppings we enjoy, such as pepperoni or black olives. The person we disagree with is no longer an enemy but a collaborator.

Another big reason “I’d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on” is such an effective phrase because it extinguishes the other person’s anger. When we search for a way to agree, we suddenly become an unappealing target for the other person’s rage.

Finally, this phase makes you the good guy in the disagreement because you are looking for a positive solution. You’ve just taken a right turn onto the high road and have become the rational party in the conversation. This tactic is especially effective when a third party, such as a boss or sibling, is involved in the disagreement and wants to see who is acting in good faith. This will encourage the person you’re having a dispute with to be more cooperative to save face.

conflict, arguments, disagreementsCoworkers come to an agreement.via Canva/Photos

The key is to be genuine about looking for agreement and have a sincere tone when stating your approach. Once the potential fight has been quelled, you can work together to reach the best possible agreement.

Learning how to prevent heated arguments can strengthen the relationship with the person you disagree with. Resolving a conflict together makes their relationship stronger and more enduring. So, a conflict can be a gift that you can use to skillfully bring yourself closer to someone. The key is to focus on the areas of agreement and to be sincere so you can resolve the issue together without leaving any lingering resentment.

This article originally appeared in January.

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