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The note said she didn't deserve her promotion. Here's her mic-drop response.

From a girl who went to MIT anyway.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.

Because you're a girl.

I was promoted a few weeks ago, which was great. I got a lot of nice notes from friends, family, customers, partners, and random strangers, which was exciting.

But it wasn't long until a note came in saying, “Everyone knows you got the position because you're a girl." In spite of having a great week at a great company with great people whom I love, that still stung, because it's not the first time I've heard it.

Every woman who works in tech—heck, likely every woman on Earth—hears “because you're a girl" dozens, if not thousands, of times in her life.

It starts young, of course:

Why can't I join that team? Because you're a girl.

Why can't I study physics? Because you're a girl.

Then, the comments age with you.

Why can't I manage that project? Because you're a girl.

Why can't I join that group? Because you're a girl.

And after you've reached any level of attainment in a profession you love, the comments are used to minimize your success.

Why did you get that award? Because you're a girl.

Why were you chosen to participate in that class? Because you're a girl.

Like so many women before me, I have shaken off the comment.

I've gotten angry. I've gotten sad. I've doubted myself and my abilities. I've ignored it entirely. I've challenged it. I've recruited support from men and women I respect. Yet every time it stays there in the back of my mind, screaming for attention after every failure or setback.

But today is the day I've decided to change that.

I did, in fact, get the job because I'm a girl.

A girl who was called "bossy" growing up.

A girl who wasn't afraid to play with the boys.

A girl who didn't hesitate to raise her hand if she knew the answer.

A girl who stood up for other kids.

A girl who was always the first one to volleyball practice and the last to leave.

A girl who was told she was too assertive and aggressive to advance in her career.

A girl who went to MIT anyway.

A girl who asked her company to do more on diversity and inclusion and won't stop pushing until it's truly remarkable.

A girl who has made big mistakes, both personal and professional.

A girl who swings for the fences even when no one is watching.

A girl who puts in hours when other people are asleep

A girl who tells young girls how smart and strong they are.

A girl who hates to lose.

And a girl who won't stand silently while people still use “because you're a girl" as any limitation for girls who want to grow, challenge the status quo, and be something, anything, greater than society tells them they could or should.

So yeah. I guess you could say I got my job because I'm a girl, but not for any of the reasons you might think.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Husband praised for explaining his definition of a woman's 'true beauty'

"Is this man an actual unicorn?"

@chrissyjpowers/TikTok

This guy gets it.

One woman was so floored by her husband's kind and poignant words regarding the unfair beauty standards women continue to endure that she decided to record them. And people can’t get enough of the clip.

“Tell me what you just said, it was so brilliant,” says Chrissy Powers in her TikTok video. “I just looked at a picture of ... Jennifer Lopez. And I said, ‘How does she look that good at 50 something?’ And you said ...”

“I said she spends millions of dollars on herself to look like that ... That's the problem with patriarchal culture,” he responds before diving into an incredibly insightful, totally uplifting speech.

“The patriarchal culture tells women that if they don't look like a celebrity, their value is, like, nothing,” he continues, referencing a joke made by comedian Bill Burr about how men go to the movies and see a shirtless, buff Brad Pitt but don’t internalize any shame around it.

“We know we can't, so we just accept it. We are just us,” he quips.

The conversation then hones in on how there’s a double standard specifically when it comes to aging.

Powers says, “If we see women getting old, then we say, ‘She let herself go.’” and her husband immediately links that mentality to a falsehood promoted by capitalism.

“The idea that a woman is only valuable when they're between the ages of 18 and 25. That's ridiculous,” he says. “Listen, women have to stop believing the lies that the patriarchal culture machine tells them, that their value is only because they look young. It's ridiculous.”

via GIPHY

“Aging is not the problem,” he attests. In fact, when his wife asks if he thinks she is hotter now than when they first met, this is his thoughtful response:

“Oh, 100%. Oh, God, you're so much more beautiful. I mean, you were hot then. But you have…there is a wholeness to your beauty now because it comes with wisdom,” he tells her. “It comes with inner knowing. It comes with doing the work that is required to get to this point. Because if you're not growing, you're stuck. So you're doing the beautiful work of the change, the lasting change of moving forward, which is wisdom.”

And now for his mic-drop moment:

“Women who can love themselves for how beautiful they are…that’s what so attractive to any man.”

Um, yeah. This guy is a keeper.

@chrissyjpowers Sunday Sermon: How the patriarchy makes women question their beauty and then makes money of their insecurities. #realbeauty #aginggracefully #embracingaging #consciousrelationships ♬ original sound - Chrissy Powers

And perhaps the best part? During the entire conversation, their young daughter sat absorbing what Powers captioned as “true beauty” being defined by a “conscious man.” Talk about leading by example.

So far, over 280,000 people have viewed Powers’ post, and women have flooded the comments section sharing how much her husband’s words meant to them.

“When you said ‘there is a wholeness to your beauty now...’ tears came. Women aren't told this enough if at all. So, we learn to tell ourselves. Thank you”

Another joked, “Is this man an actual unicorn?”

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Lawyer's argument on why babies should only take their mother's last name goes viral

For Dr. Proudman, it's about responsibility.

via Jonathan Borboa and Charlotte Proudman

A baby and feminist lawyer Dr. Charlotte Proudman

At this point in human history, it seems somewhat arbitrary that children almost always receive their fathers’ last names. A lawyer in London, England, made the case that babies should be named after their mother, and it caused a bit of a stir on X (formerly known as Twitter.)

On August 9, Dr. Charlotte Proudman tweeted: “A message to pregnant women — please give the baby your surname. You carried a baby for 9 months, gave birth, and will be responsible for that child for the rest of your life. When you’re registering the baby, ask yourself: why is the father’s surname more important than yours?”

The tweet received 5.3 million views and over 34,000 likes.

Many responded by explaining why babies tend to take the names of their fathers. However, should those reasons apply today? Many also said that giving a child the father’s name makes them more likely to want to care for the child, but that’s setting the bar pretty low for men.

Even though there were good reasons for passing down the father’s name in the past, why should they matter in 2023 when the world is drastically different?

While some fought for tradition and others cheered for an outright reversal of naming customs to catch up with the times, others thought people should do what they feel is best for their families instead of conforming to someone else’s ideas.

Everyone is free to have whatever opinion they choose on baby surnames. But Dr. Proudman’s tweet does bring up one significant issue. Just because we’ve always done something one way doesn’t always make it right. No tradition is sacred enough to be beyond reevaluation.

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Ernst & Young's advice to female employees is an archaic throwback to the 1950s

Pixabay

In today's episode of WTH, professional accounting services firm Ernst & Young has taken gender dynamics in the workplace to a whole new level. And by whole new level, I mean totally batsh*t backwards.

An anonymous former employee sent a 55-page Power-Presence-Purpose (PPP) presentation to HuffPost, detailing a self-improvement training offered to employees last year. According to "Jane," who has since left the company, the presentation was demeaning to women and left her feeling like a piece of meat.

For example, a section focused on appearances said that women need to "signal fitness and wellness" (is there any way to read that other than "don't be fat"?), and that women should have a "good haircut" and "manicured nails." They should also wear "well-cut attire that complements your body type," but also "don't flaunt your body" and "don't show skin" because "sexuality scrambles the mind."

So be hot, but not too hot. Wear clothes that flatter your body, but make sure no one notices your body. Be sure that your idea of not-too-much-skin conforms to every other person's subjective sexy threshold. And get your nails done, lady.

RELATED: Forbes' 100 Most Innovative Leaders list includes 99 men. Here's how their methodology was flawed

Now how about we tack on a list of arbitrary "masculine" and "feminine" traits that make men look like natural leaders (ambitious, assertive, dominant, makes decisions easily, strong personality) and women look like pushovers (childlike, flatterable, gullible, soft-spoken, yielding).

Attendees were given a "Masculine/Feminine Score Sheet" before the seminar and asked to rate how they ranked on each trait in and out of the workplace. Jane said the message was that you had to keep these stereotypical traits in mind and adhere to them if you want to be successful at work.

She also said that women at the training were coached in how to interact with men, with advice such as:

  • Don't directly confront men in meetings, because men perceive this as threatening. (Women do not.) Meet before (or after) the meeting instead.
  • If you're having a conversation with a man, cross your legs and sit at an angle to him. Don't talk to a man face-to-face. Men see that as threatening.
  • Don't be too aggressive or outspoken.

Jane said that attendees were told that women's brains are 6% to 11% smaller than men's brains, with no further explanation for why that would even be relevant. It was also explained to them that women have a hard time focusing because their brains absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup. Men's brains are more like waffles, and they are better able to focus because they compartmentalize information in each little square.

So...Men are from Waffle House, Women are from IHOP? What actual fresh hell did we just fall into?

And wait one hot minute. If men are so good at focusing because waffles, what's with the bit about skin and sex scrambling their brain? Can they not just put sex into one waffle square and professionalism into another? If their brains are so good at separating out all the information they take in, how are they not capable of seeing a colleague without her legs crossed as just a colleague and not a sexy threat to their male ego? Could it be because the entire premise of this idea is bullpucky?

RELATED: Men share times when they've stood up to misogynistic behavior.

Interestingly, the presentation was actually created by a woman—Marsha Clark, an outside consultant. The HuffPost article, in which Clark declined to comment, explains a bit of her background and why perhaps her approach to gender in the workplace appears so out-of-date:

"Clark touts her own business experience as critical to her consulting expertise. According to her website bio, she served as an executive at Electronic Data Systems, the Texas technology company founded by Ross Perot, for 21 years before striking out on her own as a consultant in 2000.

Working as one of the few women in the C-suites of the Texas tech industry in the 1980s and 1990s would have been a sexist minefield. That experience may be why Clark's advice still follows an older approach of telling women how to navigate within stereotypes rather than confronting them more directly."

Yeah, maybe. But it's baffling that anyone in 2018 could possibly find the above advice not completely abhorrent. Internalized misogyny, anyone?

Ernst & Young told HuffPost that the version of the training described here is no longer being used and that they disagreed with Jane's characterization of it. "Any isolated aspects are taken wholly out of context," they wrote. Mmmkay. I'm not sure how any of the above would be considered favorable in any context. And that's great that they aren't using this version any more, but it's only been a little over a year since they did—as if we didn't know in July of 2018 that giving women conflicting advice about how they should look and telling them to be more demure and less assertive in the workplace was not archaic, 1950's thinking.

It's crap like this that makes me want to buy allll the Crush the Patriarchy t-shirts. But maybe that's just my syrupy pancake brain talking.

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