upworthy

patriarchy

via @Book_Mama/TikTok
Cayce LaCorte explains why virginity doesn't exist.

The concept of virginity is a very loaded issue in American culture. If a woman loses hers when she's too young she can be slut-shamed. If a man remains a virgin for too long, he can be bullied for not being manly enough. There is also a whole slew of religious mind games associated with virginity that can give people some serious psychological problems associated with sex.

Losing one's virginity has also been blown up way beyond proportion. It's often believed that it's a magical experience—it's usually not. Or that after having sex for the first time people can really start to enjoy living life—not the case. What if we just dropped all of the stigmas surrounding virginity and instead, replaced them with healthy attitudes toward sex and relationships?

Writer Cayce LaCorte is going viral on TikTok for the simple way she's taught her five daughters to think about virginity: They don't have to.


virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveLessons in "purity' unfortunately start very young for many girls. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

LaCorte shared her parenting ideas on TikTok in response to mom-influencer Nevada Shareef's question: "Name something about the way you raised your kids that people think is weird but you think is healthy."

"I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this, but what are you gonna do?" she said in the video. "I'm raising my five daughters to believe that there is no such thing as virginity."



When it comes to explaining the "why," LaCorte had some extremely strong words on the matter.

"It is a patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose other than making women feel bad about ourselves," she explained. "Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life, it does not change your worth. It does not change who you are. It doesn't do anything other than it happened."

LaCorte isn't wrong. Many cultures place a high value on virginity, almost always on female virginity, and the concept is heavily linked with male-ownership and tracking male-lineage. In the middle ages, it was widely believed that if a man had sex with a woman, that he "owned" her and any man shown to have married a "false virgin" was entitled to compensation. The methods for determining and proving virginity were barbaric and akin to the Salem witch trials. Safe to say, there wasn't a lot of due process available for women then!

The mom also responded to those who may criticize her for encouraging promiscuity.

"Sex is important. It's a big deal; it should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time. It's just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous," the video explained. We can teach our kids to value sex and be extremely careful about who they share physical intimacy without tying in outdated ideas of purity, or that something will be "lost" after they engage in sex.

virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveYou don't "lose" anything when you have sex for the first time.Giphy

LaCorte also believes that sex shouldn't be so closely associated with one's moral character. In other words, so what if someone is promiscuous? Does having a lot of sexual partners make you a bad person? Again, it's a double-standard applied far more heavily to girls. Men who have lots of sex are revered for it.

"I'm raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices and make intelligent choices. Not because some book says not to," she concluded the video.

The video made a lot of people realize that virginity is so ingrained in our society that the concept is rarely questioned.

"I never really thought about this to be honest," one commenter wrote. "I will absolutely be adopting this!! Thank you for sharing."

"I have 2 girls, and I think this is how I will teach them when they are older. This would have made me feel more self worth when I was younger," Samantha wrote.

virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveWomen are judged for losing their virginity; men are mocked for failing to do so.Giphy

LaCorte's comments about women and virginity need to be heard. But there should also be more discussion around how men also fight the stigma associated with virginity.

Another user added, "The boys need to hear this too - we need to change the conversation and misconception," making the astute point that boys are mocked for not having sex, or for not having enough of it. For kids all of sexes and genders, we need to remove the idea that being a virgin, or not, has any sort of weight on your value as a human being.

There's an unwritten law that says men must lose their virginity by the age of 18 or by at least 21 or that somehow they are less of a man. For men that are virgins into their 20s, "Sex goes from being something to be enjoyed to a giant monolith of titanic proportions that casts a shadow over everything they do and who they are," dating coach Harris O'Malley writes.

Sex is a tricky issue that everyone should be able to approach in their own way, at their own time. It's great that LaCorte's video has gone viral for illustrating the fact that virginity is just another obstacle on the road to sexual maturity that shouldn't factor into whether we decide to have sex or not.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

Canva

Even the medical field has bias.

Men.

We have it pretty good. Especially when it comes to our health.

Not only do we get to write the health care legislation, but increasingly, we're getting all the good medical treatment.

We can thank lab animals for this — and the researchers who study them.


For a long time, researchers believed that male animals were better for trials of new medicine.

It was widely assumed that hormone cycles in females would screw up the results.

As a result, currently, over 75% of all lab animals are male.

animal research, studies, gender bias, disease

Lab mouse in a surgically gloved hand.

Image by Rama/Wikimedia Commons/CeCILL.

The problem is, when you test primarily on male animals, you're making medicine that's more likely to be effective for, well, men.

According to a report in New Scientist, researcher Natasha Karp and a team from the U.K.'s Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute studied tens of thousands of mice of both sexes. They found that when you switch off genes in male mice, the mice express different traits then when you switch off the same genes in female mice.

If genes express themselves differently depending on the sex of the animal, the researchers found, so do some genetic diseases.

drugs, health, politics, community

Gene therapy: rad as hell.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

The team concluded that "drugs optimized for male animals may be less effective in females, or even cause harm." Of the 10 drugs that were pulled from the market between 1997 and 2001, they explained, eight were riskier for women.

Male animal-bias also means drugs that work better for women might not even make it into testing to begin with.

As with the debate over what constitutes an "essential" health care benefit (according to some hi-larious U.S. senators, mammograms shouldn't), when it comes to "who constitutes a full human," it appears men are the considered default setting, while women are an afterthought.

equal rights, equal representation, experiments, medical advancements

A bearded man looking off into the distance all manly.

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

It's a pretty sweet gig for us men.

The thing is, women are half of us. We like them.

As fully formed human beings with lives, free will, hopes, dreams, and so on, it'd be nice if medicine worked better on them when they got diseases.

There's been some progress toward making medical experiments more equitable, at least where human subjects are concerned.

Clinical trials (on humans) used to involve pretty much no women. Now most are 30-40% female, though that still means women are underrepresented.

Thanks to efforts of researchers like Karp and her team, we now know we need to extend that progress to the animal kingdom as well.

"Unless there’s a really good reason not to, we should be using both sexes in biomedical research," Karp told New Scientist.

Male animals, she argued, have traits just as particular as female hormone cycles that make them similarly varied from an ideal "norm."

Ultimately, more comprehensive research benefits us all — men and women.

Better studies lead to more effective medicine, which leads to less sickness and sadness all around.

That's the hope anyway.

The animals of both genders who turn out to help us out with this project deserve a hearty "thank you."

If we start with equal treatment, we might finally get some equal treatment.

This article originally appeared on 06.29.17

@chrissyjpowers/TikTok

This guy gets it.

One woman was so floored by her husband's kind and poignant words regarding the unfair beauty standards women continue to endure that she decided to record them. And people can’t get enough of the clip.

“Tell me what you just said, it was so brilliant,” says Chrissy Powers in her TikTok video. “I just looked at a picture of ... Jennifer Lopez. And I said, ‘How does she look that good at 50 something?’ And you said ...”

“I said she spends millions of dollars on herself to look like that ... That's the problem with patriarchal culture,” he responds before diving into an incredibly insightful, totally uplifting speech.


“The patriarchal culture tells women that if they don't look like a celebrity, their value is, like, nothing,” he continues, referencing a joke made by comedian Bill Burr about how men go to the movies and see a shirtless, buff Brad Pitt but don’t internalize any shame around it.

“We know we can't, so we just accept it. We are just us,” he quips.

The conversation then hones in on how there’s a double standard specifically when it comes to aging.

Powers says, “If we see women getting old, then we say, ‘She let herself go.’” and her husband immediately links that mentality to a falsehood promoted by capitalism.

“The idea that a woman is only valuable when they're between the ages of 18 and 25. That's ridiculous,” he says. “Listen, women have to stop believing the lies that the patriarchal culture machine tells them, that their value is only because they look young. It's ridiculous.”

via GIPHY

“Aging is not the problem,” he attests. In fact, when his wife asks if he thinks she is hotter now than when they first met, this is his thoughtful response:

“Oh, 100%. Oh, God, you're so much more beautiful. I mean, you were hot then. But you have…there is a wholeness to your beauty now because it comes with wisdom,” he tells her. “It comes with inner knowing. It comes with doing the work that is required to get to this point. Because if you're not growing, you're stuck. So you're doing the beautiful work of the change, the lasting change of moving forward, which is wisdom.”

And now for his mic-drop moment:

“Women who can love themselves for how beautiful they are…that’s what so attractive to any man.”

Um, yeah. This guy is a keeper.

@chrissyjpowers Sunday Sermon: How the patriarchy makes women question their beauty and then makes money of their insecurities. #realbeauty #aginggracefully #embracingaging #consciousrelationships ♬ original sound - Chrissy Powers

And perhaps the best part? During the entire conversation, their young daughter sat absorbing what Powers captioned as “true beauty” being defined by a “conscious man.” Talk about leading by example.

So far, over 280,000 people have viewed Powers’ post, and women have flooded the comments section sharing how much her husband’s words meant to them.

“When you said ‘there is a wholeness to your beauty now...’ tears came. Women aren't told this enough if at all. So, we learn to tell ourselves. Thank you”

Another joked, “Is this man an actual unicorn?”

A baby and feminist lawyer Dr. Charlotte Proudman

At this point in human history, it seems somewhat arbitrary that children almost always receive their fathers’ last names. A lawyer in London, England, made the case that babies should be named after their mother, and it caused a bit of a stir on X (formerly known as Twitter.)

On August 9, Dr. Charlotte Proudman tweeted: “A message to pregnant women — please give the baby your surname. You carried a baby for 9 months, gave birth, and will be responsible for that child for the rest of your life. When you’re registering the baby, ask yourself: why is the father’s surname more important than yours?”


The tweet received 5.3 million views and over 34,000 likes.

Many responded by explaining why babies tend to take the names of their fathers. However, should those reasons apply today? Many also said that giving a child the father’s name makes them more likely to want to care for the child, but that’s setting the bar pretty low for men.

Even though there were good reasons for passing down the father’s name in the past, why should they matter in 2023 when the world is drastically different?

While some fought for tradition and others cheered for an outright reversal of naming customs to catch up with the times, others thought people should do what they feel is best for their families instead of conforming to someone else’s ideas.

Everyone is free to have whatever opinion they choose on baby surnames. But Dr. Proudman’s tweet does bring up one significant issue. Just because we’ve always done something one way doesn’t always make it right. No tradition is sacred enough to be beyond reevaluation.