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minimalism

Parenting

Empty nesters share their genius—and surprisingly touching—secret to downsizing

"All I have to do is look in the eyes of my two girls—and they take me back, every time, to the most beautiful, colorful, emotional scrapbook I could ever dream of having."

Jimmy and Catherine Dunne figured out the secret to downsizing.

When your final child leaves the house for good, it's like a whole new world has opened up. The decades raising babies and children are full, rich, exciting and loud. Your house is filled with laughter and sibling bickering, school projects and kid collections, never-ending laundry and food purchased in bulk. Life is big during those years. It takes up space physically, mentally and emotionally.

Then come the empty nest years, when you find yourself swimming in a house full of unused rooms and piles of memories. Suddenly you don't need all that space anymore, and you have to figure out what to do with those rooms and those piles and those memories.

For one couple, the process of downsizing brought about a reflection on their family life, their relationship with their kids and their stuff. Jimmy Dunne shared that reflection on Facebook in a since deleted viral post that resonaed with many people who are at or near this stage in life.

man and woman standing beside fence during daytimePhoto by Caspar Rae on Unsplash

Dunne wrote:

"My wife Catherine and I recently moved.

I realized I had something I never knew I had.

Thirty-four years ago, I carried my wife in my arms over the threshold in our home. Thirty-four years ago. From newlywed days, to witnessing our babies go from little girls to young adults. So many great memories in every inch of every room of our home.

I didn’t think I was ready to ‘downsize.’ What an awful word. I liked walking through our girl’s bedrooms and still seeing their stuff on the walls and on the shelves. I liked our backyard. I liked imagining our kids coming down the steps every Christmas morning.

We put it on the market, it sold in a couple days, and suddenly agreements thicker than my leg were instructing me to clear everything I ever had and knew – out.

Every night I found myself saying goodbye to our backyard, to our garden of roses that Catherine would till and trim, to the sidewalk where the girls drove their Barbie cars and learned to ride their bikes, to our front lawn where we hosted tons of talent shows with all the kids on the block – and the red swing on the front porch.

We found a condo in town and started lining up our ducks of what we were keeping, and what we were tossing. We vowed, if we’re going to do this, we weren’t putting anything in storage.

I literally threw out half my stuff. Half. Half of the furniture. Half of my clothes, books. And the big one… way more than half the boxes in the attic.

The attic was more than an attic. It held our stories. Every thing in every box, every framed picture was a story. After we gave away almost all of the living room furniture, we split the room in half and brought down everything of the girls from the attic and from their rooms. We invited the girls over, handed them a cocktail and said, “There’s good news and bad news. We’ve saved all this stuff; your outfits, drawings, dolls, skates -- for you. It’s now yours. The bad news, whatever’s not gone by Friday at 10 in the morning, it’s getting chucked in that giant green dumpster in front of the house.”

The girls thought we were Mr. and Mrs. Satan. But they went through it, and that Friday, most of it went out the front door and right in the dumpster.

I filled the entire dining room with boxes of all my old stuff. Grade school stories and pictures, report cards, birthday cards, trophies, you name it. Boxes of old plaques and diplomas and just stuff and stuff and stuff like that. How could I throw any of this out? I may as well have been throwing me in the dumpster!

But this little jerk on my shoulder kept asking -- what are your kids going to do with all this a week after you're six feet under? They’re gonna chuck it all out!

Here’s the crazy thing. The more I threw stuff in there, the easier it got. And I started to kind of like throwing it up and over in that thing. I started to feel lighter. Better.

And we moved in a half-the-size condo – and the oddest thing happened.

It became our home.

A picture here and there on the wall, Catherine’s favorite pieces of furniture, all her knickknacks in the bathroom. We blinked, and it looked and felt just like us.

And then I found that thing I never knew I had.

Enough.

I had enough.

The wild thing was that having less – actually opened the door to so much more. More in my personal life. More in my career. More in everything.

All I have to do is look in the eyes of my two girls -- and they take me back, every time, to the most beautiful, colorful, emotional scrapbook I could ever dream of having.

All I have to do is hold my wife’s hand, and it hypnotizes me back to kissing her for the first time, falling in love with everything she did, seeing her in that hospital room holding our first baby for the first time.

It sure seems there is so much more to see, and feel, and be – if I have the courage, if I have the will to shape a life that’s just…

Enough."

man kissing woman on check beside body of waterPhoto by Esther Ann on Unsplash

People shared Dunne's post more than 24,000 times and it's easy to see why. He's speaking a truth we probably all know deep down on some level. Things don't make a life. Things don't make relationships. They don't even make memories, though we tend to hold onto them as if they do. We may associate places and things with memories, but we don't need the places and things for our memories to live on.

Kudos to Dunne and his wife for looking ahead to what their children would have to go through after they pass if they didn't go through it now themselves. And kudos to them for truly embracing the freedom that comes with having raised your children to adulthood. The empty nest years can be whatever you choose to make of them, and this couple has figured out a key to making the most of theirs.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

Representative Image from Canva

Packing isn't easy. Even for the lightest of packers.

Sure, there are many people who find light packing a breeze. Those brave souls who come alive at the thought of living three weeks in a foreign country out of a carry on bag.

But then there’s the rest of us. The ones who work ourselves into a headache trying to load our suitcases with every possible outfit that could be needed for the trip…because you never know when you might need a parka and flip-flops on the same trip. (Hey, it could happen! The Alps have hot tubs!)

But luckily, there are a few tips and tricks that chronic overpacker can incorporate to help them feel truly prepared, without having to jam their entire closet into a suitcase.

That’s where the “333 packing method” comes in.


333 packing seems to come from—or at least be inspired by—minimalist fashion blogger Courtney Carver, whose “Project 333” encourages people to declutter by committing to only 33 items of clothing for 3 months. But the concept seems to have taken on a life of its own on TikTok, and its helping travelers of all kinds pack with peace of mind.


The rules of 333 packing are pretty straightforward: pack three tops, three bottoms, and three pairs of shoes. These basic ingredients potentially create dozens of outfits, all of which fit into a carry-on.

The trend really started blowing up after influencers began striking poses in all their different ensemble combinations, tallying upwards of 20.

@ayeshayeshbaby6 the 333 method is a life saver for me when im traveling. it helps me come up with tons of outfit ideas and not overpack #capsulewardrobe #traveloutfit #stylingtips #CapCut ♬ original sound - Ayesha
@itssarasmiles The 333 method really helped me narrow down exactly what I needed for my trip so that I wouldn’t overpack #vacationoutfitinspo #styletips #packinghacksfortravel #333method #stylishtravel ♬ original sound - Style with Sara
@daniela.brkic The 333 method is a lifesaver for not overpacking when travelling + creating heaps of different outfit ideas! #capsulewardrobe #traveloutfit #girlstrip #stylingtips #stylingideas #capsulewardrobeideas ♬ ♡ ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ ♡ - SoBerBoi

However, there are some caveats. It helps if you keep your clothing choices stick to basics in neutral colors, since they are the least likely to clash and can be zhuzhed up with an accessory or two. Plus, for areas where there are large changes in climate, you might be better off packing an extra layer.

Many found that even if they customized a bit—allowing themselves 1-2 “fun” items, for example, or switching up the ratio to 5 tops, two pants, etc.—they still benefited from being completely intentional about getting the most out of whatever went with them on their travels.

“Every time I do it, I stare at my bed where all my clothes and shoes are and think, ‘Wow this seems too simple. There’s no way I can make 17-18 outfits out of just this.’ But then I do,” fashion influencer Krista Lavrusik and 333 outfit aficionado shared with HuffPost.

Bottom line: it might seem like we are easing our anxiety to prepare for inevitable loss of control that comes with traveling to new places, but often we still end up just as stressed by having to lug around so much. If this sounds like you, give the 333 method a whirl. You just might save time and luggage space. Oh, and, you know, actually enjoy that vacation you’re packing for.

Health

Too much stuff causes stress. Here are 4 simple mantras to help you declutter for good.

These short sayings can clear the mental clutter that keeps us from getting rid of things.

MoMo Productions/Canva

We often hold onto things for sentimental reasons.

It's no secret that Americans on average have too much stuff. Yay, capitalism!

Seriously, though, most of us bring new things into our homes pretty regularly, and if we aren't purging regularly, they start to accumulate. We fill drawers, closets, bins, basements and garages with it, and then at some point realize we're swimming in stuff and need to declutter.

The problem is, as much as we may want to pare down and simplify, a lot of us are really bad at getting rid of things. Decluttering involves decision-making, and decision-making can be exhausting. There are also psychological and emotional reasons we hold onto things, and those mental hurdles are often what we need the most help overcoming.

So along with practical decluttering tips like having a garbage bag and a giveaway box with you as you go through different areas of your home, try using these four mantras to help clear the mental clutter that makes physical decluttering difficult.


1. "Stuff = stress"

There's plenty of research that shows clutter causes stress and anxiety, and it's pretty hard not to have clutter when you have too much stuff. Keeping the why of decluttering front and center can help keep you motivated as you start to purge.

Every item in your home costs you time and energy every time you encounter it. Moving the thing from one place to another, deciding where to put it, cleaning or dusting it, or even just having it take up space in your life costs you something mentally. Lots of small things add up to a large mental load, so ask yourself—Is this item worth what it's costing me?

Stuff = stress. Less stuff = less stress. Keep that simple, freeing truth top of mind as you declutter.

2. "Maybe means no"

We've all been there with something in our hand trying to decide whether to keep it.

This notebook might come in handy sometime…

Maybe I'll want to wear this dress one day…

But I might need that gadget in the future…

Nope, nope, nope. As soon as the words "might" or "maybe" come into your decision-making process, it's a sign to ditch the thing. "Maybe" or "might" means you don't need it right now, you aren't using it right now, and you don't know if you ever will.

If you keep things on the off chance that you might need them someday, you'll never get rid of anything. The reality is there are very few things that you won't be able to get in the future if you really need it. Your home is not a general store. And you are living in your home right now, not in the future.

When it comes to decluttering, maybe means no. Every time.

3. "Things aren't memories"

This is a tough one for a lot of people to swallow, but some of us hold onto way too many things for sentimental reasons because we tie them to memories. Souvenirs, playbills, concert tickets, wedding gifts, grandma's knick-knacks—so many things that make us go "Aww, remember when…" when we look at them, but here's the thing:

Things are things. Memories are memories. Things aren't memories. You can 100% still have the memories without keeping the things.

Things might trigger memories, but you can easily accomplish that by taking a photo of the thing that triggers the memory and getting rid of the thing itself. Make a "mementos" photo album for all those "but that reminds me of that happy thing" memory triggers and pass on the things themselves.

Of course, there may be some genuinely meaningful and valuable personal treasures that you truly love and want to hold onto. But most memory-associated items aren't that. They're just things. Keep the memories. Let the things go.

4. "Keep it flowing"

This is the main mantra to hold onto as you move forward. Once you've decluttered to a point where you feel light and free and good about what you have, it's time to think about how to maintain that sense of freedom. And the key to that maintenance is, "Keep it flowing."

Rather than seeing your home as a receptacle to inevitably get filled up, see it as a channel that things naturally flow in and out of. Look at it as a flowing river, not a stagnant pond. New things will always be coming into our lives, therefore old things need to go out.

The reason we end up with so much stuff is that we fail to recognize this flow. Some of us come from a deprivation mindset, so we are afraid to let things go even when new things come in. Some of us are influenced by the "more is more" mindset of consumer society, so we keep adding without subtracting to keep a balance.

In our modern world, things come and go. Keep that flow going on purpose whenever you bring something into the house, and you won't have to do another big declutter project again.

Family

Woman fed up with wasteful holiday 'giving' proposes a new way to celebrate the season

"Gifting in America has become insane. So I’m changing my ways."

A woman buying gifts for her nephews.

After becoming fed up with the material nature of the holiday season, a Redditor who goes by Somanycatsinhere, shared how she is putting her money towards things that matter rather than mindlessly buying gifts. Even though everyone's situation differs, the post is an excellent reminder that we don’t have to give someone a store-bought gift reflexively. Instead, we can focus on getting something they actually need.

“I’m over buying gifts to be thrown away or donated,” she started her post. “I decided I’m done.”

The Redditor explained she usually visits her family a few weeks before the holidays for a joint Thanksgiving and “Early Christmas” celebration, and this year, she took a different approach to gift-giving.

“I made a visit to my sister with my 3 amazing nieces. … The kids have everything they can need or want: toys and clothing-wise—and it’s all so overwhelming. The kids don’t even play with most of it. It’s just piled up everywhere,” she wrote.


​So, instead of buying them more toys and clothes, she opened up a college fund for each niece, who receives a monthly amount “gifted” to them at birthdays and Christmas.

The woman's sister is having financial difficulties, so she got her something super practical. “Took my sister to the store and told her she could fill the cart with household items and groceries for her and her husband's Christmas present. Laundry soap, paper towels, toilet paper, groceries, etc. She loved it!” she wrote.

For her nephews who have everything, the poster gave them gift cards for their annual trip to Disney.

The woman's extended family “throws nothing away” and collects “everything,” so the Redditor got them to agree to a family Christmas trip instead of exchanging gifts.

The post received over 150 comments from people who shared their approach to giving gifts during the holidays. Many who responded said they prefer to buy experiences for their family members instead of material objects.

"I gift experiences. Like membership to a batting cage for my nephew or a season pass to the zoo. I suggested horseback riding sessions or archery lessons for my daughter and some kind of jump park or karate class for my son," Savvymama30a wrote. "I've also started buying more "experience" gifts than physical items. I've gotten gift certificates for massages, fancy restaurants, and concerts or shows for my parents the past few years," Purplezara added.

During these challenging economic times, practical gifts can be a huge help.

"I think, slowly but surely, people are coming around to this way of giving. As a practical person, I thoroughly appreciate being gifted things I’ll actually use,” Yourdailysugarcube wrote. "When I was younger and newly on my own, my mom would gift me bulk items from Costco like paper towels, garbage bags, etc, and while it isn’t glamorous, it saved me a lot of money. I really appreciated those gifts!"

Ultimately, the holidays are all about spending time together, expressing gratitude for one another, and embracing the things that truly matter in life. Everyone has their love language, but this Reddit poster seems to be on the right track by focusing on giving people gifts they can use instead of something they’ll stick on a closet or get rid of at a yard sale.