upworthy

time management

Motherhood

Moms get specific on how they successfully share 'family manager' duties with their spouses

Minimal partner resentment and a smoother running household? Yes, please.

Image via Canva

Moms share tips for how to better manage family household.

Being a mom means you are a multi-tasking manager of all things household: meals, practices, appointments, and more. It's an overwhelming role that requires good organization, time management, and cooperation between spouses to keep things running smoothly.

In a Reddit parenting thread, member u/Weekendengineerr got vulnerable about the overwhelming responsibility she feels when it comes to managing her family's schedule. She shared, "The 'invisible' work of family scheduling is making me resent my partner. How do you manage [your family's schedules]?"

Fellow moms heard her plea. To help spark some idea for success as a family manager, 14 mothers shared their best family management advice and tips.

mom, moms, mother, super mom, mom lifeMothers Day Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"We use a big calendar on the wall in the kitchen area. That way at meal time we can discuss upcoming events and the kids check it too." —u/royalic

"We do this too. Also, there is a firm rule that if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. So if you forget to put your thing on the calendar before there’s a conflict, that is your problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. That likely means calling so and so and saying 'I forgot to put you on the calendar, I have to cancel, I am now standing next to my calendar…' if it is something that can be rescheduled rather than just missed." —u/dixpourcentmerci

calendar, wall calendar, calendar, calendar gif, calendar on wallmia farrow calendar GIFGiphy

"Yes! We have a dry erase weekly calendar in the kitchen and each family member (there's only 3 of us) has a color so it's easy to see what the week looks like. Of course, I write out the calendar every Sunday so it's still on me more than my husband. But he does more than his fair share of cooking and cleaning so I don't mind being the scheduler as much." —u/on-purpose810

"I divided it. I told him from now on, you're responsible for everything regarding the kids' extracurriculars. Here's the contact info you're going to need, and this is the website. From now on, if anything is forgotten it's not my fault. Were there missteps? Yes. Did he forget stuff? Also yes. Did I relent? No. Did he eventually learn from his mistakes? Yes." —u/I-Really-Hate-Fish

"We leaned heavily into our phone calendar. We don’t use a shared google calendar but just invite each other to every appt added. It took awhile for us to get used to it but now everything from doctors appointments to potential play dates to friends flying into town to library trips are in there."—u/kitethrulife

calendar, electronic calendar, email calendar, organized, time managementGIF by The HillsGiphy

"I LOVE our skylight calendar so much that I sound like a paid Skylight influencer. It has made my life 100% less stressful because it's so much easier to keep up with the schedule now. We were using 2 white board calendars on the fridge, which was okay but not helpful for longer term planning or if I was anywhere else. The app is on everyone's phone, so even my 12 year old can add things to the schedule if he learns about an extra band practice at school or something. He can also check to see if he has anything happening after school. When my husband takes the kids to the doctor and has to schedule a follow up, he can look at the app on his phone and make sure there aren't conflicts (so I don't have to call back later and reschedule 😬) The physical calendar on the kitchen counter means that it's everyone's responsibility to know something is happening, not just mine. There's a routine/chore function that's been helpful this summer and less work than (me, of course) writing a schedule on a white board every day." —u/chellerator

"What really helped us was that my partner took the majority of parenting for a while. After a few months he came to me and said 'you know the google calendar, it’s really really useful.' I just didn’t do anything. He picked up the kids, took them to practice, had to communicate if something went wrong, etc." —u/DuoNem

"A few years into our marriage I sat my husband down and I listed ALL the tasks that require my attention on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Then I told him he had to take on some of them and get them off my plate before I lose my sh*t. It took a few weeks before it caught on without the need to revisit the list but we are now 15 years into marriage and I have not had to schedule a doctors appointment for the kids in ages, I have never stepped foot in their dentist office cuz dad does that. I don’t make breakfast or pack lunches cuz dad does that and when I’m at the grocery store he is the person I call to see if we have to get more of something. We also tried The Fair Play Deck (based on the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky) as well which is a set of cards with tasks on it and each person chooses what tasks they will be responsible for. It was helpful to visually see the tasks piling up with each card." —u/Main_Push5429

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"A few things:

  1. I have two big acrylic wall calendars like this in a super prominent part of the house. It covers this month and next month and everything goes on it, including regular activities, appointments, etc. I fill out all the regular stuff at the beginning of the month like practices etc. and then we add appointments as soon as they are made. I find two months really crucial because then you have some grace with the “we forgot to update it” memory lapses. https://circleandsquaredecor.com/products/frostedacrylicmonthly-thecraig-vertical0box-18-5x23
  2. I add his phone number and email to every form I fill out so that he is also on the correspondence that gets sent out. He gets text reminders for appointments, school emails, etc.
  3. Mine is allergic to the phone, so I still manage most phone call scheduling. But I finally was like “bro, have you ever heard of an online portal?” So now I can just be like “I need you to schedule this thing.”
  4. Have your husband be keeper of the backpacks. He can be in charge of emptying and filling them and adding important dates to the calendar, signing permission forms, etc." —u/OneTimePSAStar
"My husband has ADHD. He is an AMAZING father and fantastic at his job. But his brain is spent in the evenings when his meds wear off. Its been a process of us working together to get him to the point of managing. We use Cozi. Our kids are a bit older (13, almost 16, and almost 19) and we have been using it for years. Everyone has it on their phones and everyone is responsible for adding any plans they make. When we implemented the calendar I really drove home that if its not on the calendar its not happening. I also 'nagged' everyone into the habit of checking it first thing every morning so they know what the day brings. Kids want to have a friend over? Check the calendar before asking. If anyone asks me when, where, or what time something is happening I simply say "Check the calendar". We also use it for some 'reminders'. For example I put on there 'Check for drivers test dates' for 30 days before my middle daughters 16th birthday. Important info is added in the notes - who is driving? Do they need to bring anything? Its taken some time and mental labor on my part but these days it runs pretty smoothly. There were failures and missed appointments along the way but we all survived." —u/sdpeasha

reminder, reminders, don't forget, helpful reminder, remind mePoint Remember GIFGiphy

"We do it based on kids. I know sometimes like for dentist, you may take both, but one person does almost everything for one kids, and other person for the other. School clothes, permission slips, teacher gifts, etc and the. That person puts it in the other persons calendar too. Works pretty well." —u/mrsjlm
"Because I’m a stepmom, my husband is the one who is in charge of the scheduling in the house. Our solution is twofold: an up-to-date Google calendar, and a dry-erase calendar of the month in the kitchen. The Google calendar is what my husband and I already used individually, so we keep our personal calendars separate and just share them with each other. He also created a calendar for his kids, to help me see the custody schedule and their sports events. While he’s mostly in charge of the kids’ digital calendar, I’m the one who writes up the dry erase calendar at the beginning of every month, which shows all of our events for the coming weeks. This way, even though I’m not in charge of the scheduling, I am putting things on the calendar so that I have visibility and nothing comes as a surprise. The night before any events or hectic days, we take a minute to go over who’s driving who where the next day. Sometimes I’ll ask my husband to text it to me even though we’re talking about it in person, so that the driving part is documented and I can double check the plan if needed." —u/Anon-eight-billion

dry erase, dry erase board, dry erase calendar, dry erase gif, dry erase markerErase Parks And Recreation GIF by PeacockTVGiphy

"Shared notes on notes app on iPhone. There is shopping lists with check boxes and when one person adds something to any of the lists or notes the other person or anyone else it’s shared with gets a notification saying who has updated one of the lists." —u/Fit_Woodpecker_3333
"Some reading that might help you both have a productive conversation together: The gender wars of household chores: a feminist comic and She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink ." —u/anonymous_redditor_0
From Your Site Articles
family schedule
MotherhoodFamily
Health

Therapist shares 2 big reasons why energizing hobbies are the perfect happiness hack

There’s a big difference between “growth” hobbies and “rot” hobbies.

via Pixabay/Pexels, Lucxama Sylvain/Pexels, Tara Winstead/Pexels

People enjoying energizing hobbies,

For those who feel like they could be happier but know they’re missing a key element, a therapist has shared her “hack” to happiness and it’s pretty simple: have an energizing hobby. The conversation about the happy hobby hack started on TikTok when marketing expert Harrison Swales noted that all his “successful” and “happy” friends have one thing in common: they enjoy energizing hobbies.

He added that instead of binging on Netflix or drinking all weekend, they were either in sports leagues or enjoyed creating things like books or videos instead of passively watching what other people make on TikTok.

"I don't know if it's directly correlated to your career and success in other areas of your life," he said, "but it certainly seems like it." The video went viral, amassing over 560,000 views and inspired a follow-up from therapist Israa Nasir, who shared the psychological reasons why energizing hobbies are so beneficial.

"This is literally the way to hack your happiness," Nasir said in response to the video, "and there are two reasons why this creator is totally accurate."

@israajnasir

#stitch with @Harrison Swales where is the lie? #neurosciencetok #happinesstips #positivepsychology #emotionalresilience

1. Sense of flow

"A sense of flow is being so present and immersed in the present moment, being completely where you are,” she said, adding that it’s a state where "mind and body [are] in the same place, and you're engaging in something that gives you joy or creativity or movement, boosts dopamine in your mind.”

"When we're able to engage in that long period of time in a state of flow, we have a slow, sustained state of dopamine," Nasir continued. "So that we feel happier for longer, which is the opposite experience when we do things like scrolling mindlessly or watching Netflix or mindlessly drinking."

2. Hobbies de-center work and romantic relationships

"If you think about it, your whole life is structured around work … and your romantic relationship,” Nassir explained. “So that makes us very flat and one-dimensional. By adding hobbies, we add more depth and dimension into our life."

She then had a message for the TikTokkers out there who claim they don’t have enough time for a new hobby. "Open your phone app where it measures how much time you're spending on social media and you'll see that you're probably spending three to four hours a day on your phone," she said. "So even if you cut that in half, you can make time for energizing hobbies."

So now that we know that energizing hobbies are a key to happiness, what are they, specifically? In the comments section, Nasir clarified what she meant by energizing hobbies, saying that they are any activity that helps you lose yourself or enter a state of flow.

That could mean dancing, doing puzzles, playing a musical instrument, playing golf, crocheting, metal detecting at the park, surfing, writing, or any other creative activity. One commenter compared energizing hobbies with those that aren’t beneficial. “I have growth hobbies and rot hobbies. You can guess which ones are energizing vs draining,” Curtis Lane wrote.

From Your Site Articles
hobbies
HealthMental Health
Family

Her life changed when she focused on self-care. Now she's helping others do the same.

True
Cigna 2017

In 1996, Tomasa Macapinlac was in her early 30s, very successful, and working for one of the tech world's biggest companies. She was also extremely exhausted.

15 years of grinding it out in corporate America had taken its toll. "I was working my butt off. I had two small toddler daughters. I was married at the time, so I had a lot of stuff going on," remembers Macapinlac.

No doubt, many Americans have felt these same burnout feelings, which can have real impacts on physical health. In fact, stressful jobs are a known cause of high blood pressure.

Image via iStock.

In Macapinlac's case, it was the severe exhaustion that hit her, and over time, she fell ill — so ill, in fact, that she could barely climb out of bed.

"I didn't know what was wrong with me," says Macapinlac. "I'm pretty strong immune system-wise, health-wise, and I could usually kick things out. But this time, I couldn't."

So Macapinlac went to a doctor and was told to get three days of bed rest. But even after that, nothing changed. "I got back up and I was still not well," she adds. "I wasn't well for a while."

Macapinlac knew she needed to make a change and start taking better care of herself.

She was on the lookout for solutions that would help her feel better. So when a co-worker approached her and suggested she visit a holistic practitioner, it piqued her interest, and she decided to check it out.

Image via iStock.

Once there, she got up on a table and immediately received some hands-on healing. "It's very similar to acupressure," describes Macapinlac. "It's like being a jumper cable and recharging someone."

When it was over, Macapinlac already felt better. "I said, 'I don't know what you did, but I'm coming back,'" she remembers. And that, she says, was just the beginning of her whole journey of self-care.

Since then, Macapinlac has taken the time to create a self-care ritual that works for her.

Image via Tomasa Macapinlac, used with permission.

Of course, everyone is different and self-care is going to vary from person to person. For some, it's about following a thorough daily routine. For others, it's as simple as not missing preventive care annual doctor visits to keep an eye on the four health numbers — blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, and body mass index (BMI) — so they can take control of their health and hopefully prevent disease before they get sick. For Macapinlac, it was about finding ways to destress and eat well.

To do that, she adjusted her work hours, she followed some ancient healing practices, and she eliminated packaged, processed foods from her diet. She also gets in regular exercise by doing things she loves. "I jazz and hip-hop dance, and then I'll hike every day because I love being in nature," she says.

Image via iStock.

Her key finding was that balance in everything she does — from work to sleeping to working out — is crucial to her feeling healthy and happy.

Her daily rituals helped her get rid of her chronic body pain, fatigue, and nagging health issues, such as asthma and allergies. She also stopped losing energy early in the day and had much more time to be there for her daughters. (In fact, Macapinlac's rituals have inspired them to prioritize their own self-care.)

Image via iStock.

"I'm going to be 54 this year, and if you take a look at my latest pictures, I feel that I look much younger than I did in my 30s," Macapinlac explains with a chuckle. "A lot of people want to know where I get my energy from."

That's why Macapinlac continues her practice by helping others get through their own self-care challenges.

In fact, she eventually left the corporate world and became a holistic practitioner herself.

Image via Tomasa Macapinlac, used with permission.

"What I began to realize was that I'm really all about people taking care of themselves," she explains. "Because the truth is, when you take of yourself, then your glass is half-full, instead of half-empty."

"Then you can be there 100% for other people or whatever it is you want to focus on."

Today, she practices her own blend of ancient healing arts and she wrote a book entitled "30 Days to a Vibrant, Healthier, Younger You." Today, she is known to many as the "Self-Care Queen."

Image via Tomasa Macapinlac, used with permission.

Yes, different things will work for different people. But taking time to care for yourself — no matter how you do it — can help improve your health.

And if you don't know where to get started, you can always talk to a health care professional near you. Even something as simple as getting a health check to know your key health numbers can give you a good starting place when it comes to developing a self-care plan that works for you.

"I encourage everyone to find what’s right for them," says Macapinlac. Because that's what it's all about: taking the time to find a self-care ritual that works for you so that you can improve your health and well-being.

Image via iStock.

Learn more about how to take control of your health at Cigna.com/TakeControl.

FamilyMore
Trending Stories