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Millennial mom shares the 'one big' problem boomer grandparents refuse to get over

It's been a long time since they were parents.

via via Canva/Photos

A frustrated mother holding her baby and her boomer parents.

A lot has changed since the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s, when baby boomers raised their children. Back in the day, it was totally fine for babies to sleep on their stomachs, kids to ride without safety belts, people to smoke in the presence of children, and physical punishment was widely accepted. However, over the past 40 or so years, a significant amount of research has been conducted on child rearing and safety, so millennial parents do things differently than their baby boomer parents.

The problem is that now that these baby boomer parents are grandparents, they may not be up to date on the best way to feed a baby or to understand how to manage screen time. Good grandparents allow their children to take the lead when it comes to how they want their kids treated; however, many baby boomers think they know best and won’t be told otherwise.

Paige Connell, (@sheisapaigeturner), a working mom of four and a popular social media personality who discusses the mental load of being a mom and advocates for equality in relationships, addressed the issue with boomer grandparents on TikTok. “It's so strange being a millennial parent with boomers who are now grandparents to your children. Because we all want them to have this, like, really close, loving relationship, but struggle for so many reasons,” she opens her video.

@sheisapaigeturner

This is a PSA for Boomer grandparents. If you value time and closeness with your kids and grandkids, I highly recommend that you learn what their boundaries are around parenting, and respect them respecting your children as they become parents goes a very long way for your relationship. ##boomergrandparents##boomerparents##boomervsmillennial##millennialmoms##boundarysetting##grandparentsoftiktok##momof4kids ##parentingstyle

“I think one of the biggest reasons is just the blatant disregard for any parenting decisions we make, and so this can look so many different ways, I think it starts when they're born, right,” Connell continued. Connell then cited a situation where a friend told her boomer mother to stop piling blankets onto her sleeping newborn baby, but she refused to stop. The friend had to tell her mother to go home because it was dangerous to have her around the child.

boomer couple, married boomers, middle-aged people, happy couple, smiling couple 60sA happy couple in their 60s.via Canva/Photos

According to the Sleep Foundation, babies should not sleep with loose blankets until they reach 12 months of age to avoid accidental suffocation. “So, it starts the second we come home from the hospital with our babies that we are hearing, ‘Well, this is how I did it, this is how it used to be.’ Instead of ‘Wow, I didn't realise it was such a risk to small children to have a blanket in their crib, I will make sure never to do that,” Connell says.

Connell’s post resonated with many parents her age who want to be respected by their parents. “Boomers are mad that we don’t look to them as the epitome of knowledge now that we have access to information through research and the internet,” Imabot wrote. “Drives me wild. They care more about not 'being wrong' than the baby's safety,” Chrissy added. “What we’re asking for is emotional maturity and emotional intelligence from our boomer parents, and they are utterly incapable of it. Always have been,” Cheugybuggy added.

boomer couple, married boomers, middle-aged people, happy couple, smiling couple 60sA happy couple in their 60s.via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Connell just wants her boomer parents to cooperate with her while helping out with the kids, rather than trying to parent her or teach her how to do things using outdated ideas. It’s okay to give your input, but most of the time, all parents really want is help. “I don't think it should be hard for grandparents to show up and say, ‘What do you want them to eat? Do you cut their food? If you cut their food, how do you cut their food? Great, I'm gonna do that thing,’” Connell says.

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Mom's rallying cry for more 'lazy parenting' is gaining traction and kudos from experts

The key to raising independent kids? "Just be lazier."

@leahova/TikTok, Photo credit: Canva

"Lazy parenting" might not sound like a great approach, but it has its benefits.

Gen Xers and millennials experienced firsthand how damaging the often negligent parenting style of their boomer parents could be. That, combined with the exhausting surplus of parenting information available nowadays (particularly then many, many way in which you could secretly be SETTING YOUR KID UP FOR FAILURE) and it’s no wonder why so many modern day parents feel the need be hypervigilant in protecting their kids.

But this well-meaning intention easily turns into helicopter parenting, which also doesn’t truly help kids out in the long run—and it doesn’t feel great for parents, either.

Which is what prompted Leah Ova, a WFH mom of four, to make a now-viral video advocating for a bit more of what she calls “lazy parenting.”

In the clip, which has now been viewed over 100,000 times on TikTok, Ova shared an anecdote of her getting praise for having “independent kids.”

“We recently had friends visit. One of their kids is ... a year older than my oldest. And my friend was like, ‘I'm doing something wrong,’” she recalled. “I'm like, ‘What are you doing wrong?’ She's like, ‘Your kids are so independent. They go make themselves food. They grab a snack. They like, smear their own bagel.’”

Apparently at her friend’s house, this would not be a normal scenario.

“Her son [would be] like, ‘I want breakfast.’ And basically if she didn't make him a bagel, he ... couldn't have a bagel.”

Ova’s solution to this brekkie conundrum? “Just be lazier.”


@leahova Kids love to feel independent, as long as they know you'll be there if they need you #parenting #lazy ♬ original sound - Leahova


What is “Lazy Parenting"?”

Ova went on to explain, “What is the expression like the best form of parenting is high attentiveness, but low interference? Is that a thing? I think that's a thing. Be around, be there if they need you. But just be like, ‘Honey, I'm literally having a coffee right now. You can get it yourself.’”

Ova added that this is a boundary she has had to put in place more than once in her own household, recalling that often when one of her kids has a friend over, they will ask for a snack like apples, and ask her point blank “are you not gonna cut my apple?”

“And I’m like, ‘Do you not know how to eat an apple when it's not cut?’” Talk about a mom mic drop.

“You can always tell the kids whose parents are like literally doing everything for them. And I want everyone to know you can be lazier. Honestly, it probably makes your kids better. You need to be a lazier parent.”

Down in the comments, other parents showed their full support for this approach.

“That’s not lazy parenting, it’s raising capable humans!🥰” one person wrote, while another said, “My mom's favorite saying: ‘I raised you to leave me.’”

Of course, some people admitted that the patience required for it is very challenging.

One viewer said, “I struggle so hard with this bc they are literally so slow to do EVERYTHING. It's torture 😭.”

Lazy Parenting vs Gentle Parenting

If you go by the actual definition of “gentle parenting,” the two are, essentially, synonymous. It’s worth noting that gentle parenting is often misunderstood as “permissive parenting,” where the parent doesn’t provide a healthy framework of rules or boundaries to create structure. In truth, gentle parenting does set up rules and routines, but kids are often encouraged to figure things out for themselves. Lazy parenting also seems to fall under this category.

However, while both terms mean the same thing, experts seem to think the word “lazy” doesn't really fit, since it fails to acknowledge the actual effort required.

"Referring to it as 'lazy parenting' is funny and self-deprecating,' but it misses the mark," Amy McCready, Positive Parenting Solutions founder, told Parents.com. "What we're talking about is a more intentional approach to parenting that helps prevent entitlement."

Similarly, parenting coach Tessa Stuckey echoed: “The word lazy is defined as unwilling to work. But, I believe, parenting, especially if you are trying to allow your kids to struggle a bit and work through their problems, takes the most work."

Why Lazy Parenting is Important

Still, semantics aside, both of these experts agree that raising children to be independent is crucial, and that cannot be achieved by taking care of everything for them.

"We want to avoid being 'helicopter parents,’ hovering over them at all times so they don’t fail or fall in any way. And we also want to avoid taking on the 'lawn mower' parenting approach, smoothing the path so the child has zero obstacles," Stuckey told Parents.com. "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills." "This deprives our kids from building independence, confidence, self-awareness, and the ability to practice life skills."

"It’s important to approach it as a coach and supporter rather than a rescuer. Our role is to guide them through challenges and encourage problem-solving and resilience," added McCready. "This way, they learn that it's OK to ask for help, but they also develop the confidence to tackle tasks on their own."

It can be hard for parents to say no to helping their children—out of a desire to help them, or to avoid any messes sure to take place as they’re figuring things out. It definitely does require massive amounts of patience. But if the end result is a fully capable adult ready to take on the world, it’s totally worth it.

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People are loving this 29-year-old's hot take on why millennials aren't having kids

A bit of catharsis for al the childless cat people out there.

Photo credit: Canva

Many millennials can't afford a house, let alone starting a family.

Despite a short-lived pandemic baby boom, birth rates are at an all time low in the US. There are, of course, myriad factors contributing to this complex issue, but when those factors are flattened down into bite-sized conservative talking points, it is the generational selfishness and disrespect to traditional American values of millennials that’s really to blame.

However, one heated millennial is countering that for many folks in their age group, having kids is simply not financially possible.

Twenty-nine-year-old Charlie Fitzgerald (she/they/he) didn’t hold back as they declared "it absolutely baffles me that the government is pretending like they don't know why we're not having kids because, frankly, it is glaringly obvious.”

In the now-viral clip, Fitzgerald noted how heavily inflation has affected basic necessities for families like groceries, baby formula, diapers, childcare. Giving birth in the United States, they noted “averages at around $14000.” According to the Peterson-Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF) Health System Tracker, that average is more like just a few bucks shy of $19,000.

As Fitzgerald pointed out, for the 73% of millennials already living paycheck to paycheck from mostly entry level work, likely also paying off college debt which in no way, shape or form guaranteed them gainful employment…this is pretty much impossible.

And since poverty traps do exist, those who are born into struggling families often have a much harder time getting access to education and other resources that can actually help them escape poverty. Or, as Fitzgerald put it, “when you're born poor in this country, you're probably gonna die poor, and your kids are gonna be in the same boat. I don't want that for my kid."

Viewer, be warned. There are a few f-bombs dropped here and there.


@jimmyego Why aren't millennials having kids? #millennial #4B ♬ original sound - Definitely Not Charlie


Fitzgerald also went into the lack of maternity leave offered for new parents, saying that many jobs don’t offer adequate leave time, or parents can’t afford to take the time off. "Then you've got to pay for childcare, which is outrageous. In the state that I live in, the average cost of just daycare is $15.77 an hour," they said. "When you are making as little money as millennials are, childcare is literally inaccessible."

And sadly, not being able to afford to take care of a kid gets labeled as “neglect”, resulting in severe consequences, including families getting separated. "Say baby formula wasn't available in your area, so you couldn't afford to feed your kids, so you get slapped with neglect charges. That company that couldn't provide the baby formula faces absolutely no repercussions."

One of Fitzgerald’s final points is a fairly basic one: the housing crisis. "How many millennials do you know who own their own house?" they asked, saying that most folks of their age group "are renters or live with our parents or live with a pile of roommates." And with no real certainty that things will change, their stance is "I don't wanna bring a child into a situation where I'm not sure I'm gonna have somewhere to live in a year." Fair, fair.

In conclusion, Fitzgerald said, "It's not that we don't wanna have kids. A lot of us do. In fact, I would love to have a kid with my wife, but I'm not gonna have a kid in this country right now. I'm not."

And they are certainly not alone in that sentiment. Tons of comments came rolling in from people who shared similar thoughts and experiences. Below is just a small snippet.

“People ask me whether I want kids and I’m like ‘that’s irrelevant because I can’t afford to make that choice. It’s been made for me.’”

“I had a coworker come back to work 3 days after she gave birth. She couldn’t afford the time off.”

“The only millennial I know with a house AND kids? They have a supporting family and generational wealth. Most of us don’t get that.”

“My parents always screamed ‘if you can’t feed em, don’t breed em’ my entire childhood. Ok, bet.”

“When people say ‘money doesn’t solve your problems’ I’m gonna show them this video.”

Of course, there are plenty of folks who have chosen to go childfree because they are happier that way. But, as Fitzgerald and many other millennials can attest, many simply don’t have the choice to anymore.

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Nokia is bringing back the flip phone. Mom warns teens to be mindful to avoid a taste of 2002.

"If I were a teenager in this day and age, I'd be terrified."

Photo credit: Canva

Mom warns teens about Nokia bringing back flip phones

Are you over the age of 35? Do you remember your first cell phone? Those things were life changing for Millennials who were just getting their first real taste of the freedom that comes with remaining reachable. Many of us memorized the feel of the buttons so we could sneak and text our friends under the desk during a boring lecture in class.

Kids today will never know the skill it took to not only memorize where the keys were but to press the five button three times to get to the right letter. T9 texting should've been an Olympic sport. But texting and making calls was about all those phones were good for because the internet was still using dialup so the world was not at your fingertips–just your bestie.

Gen Z has never had to experience technological advancement purgatory when it comes to electronic devices, but all that is about to change. Well, for some, if parents take the advice of Lydia Kyle.

Recently the mom shared that Nokia is coming back out with their old flip phone, which could be a great tool for parents of teens according to her.

"They're missing a huge, huge marketing area when it comes to parents of teenagers. If I was a teenager I would be shaking in my boots because the second you slip up on Snapchat, no more smartphone for you. Dumb choices. Dumb phone," Kyle tells the phone maker while encouraging parents to use the phone to solve some of today's problems caused by social media.

The new Nokia phone is currently being marketed to Millennials looking to detox from social media according to Kyle, but parents in the comments like this mom's suggestions.



One parent points out the lack of security features as a positive for parents, "This makes absolute sense!!! Don’t have to worry about your kid cracking the passcode to their smartphone limits, this is a very good idea!!"

Some parents are already on trend, "You are spot on! We got one for my son going into middle school. No apps nothing. He can call and text. The only draw back is that it doesn’t have find my. So we had to get Apple air tags. Otherwise it’s the perfect starter phone!!"

"My sister has several teens, and none of them have smart phones. They have to use like old school flip phones. Which I think is great. It allows them to communicate but not have to deal with the additional issues of smart phones and social media," another shares.

The overall consensus is positive, "literally best idea for middle schoolers that have after school activities and you really need them to have a phone in case the activity bus decides not to run that day and they have to text you to come get them (been there many times) but you don’t want them having access to a smart phone!"

This video may be made in jest but parents seem to be finding this as a viable solution to the over exposure of screens, online bullying, and exposure to social media too early. So maybe Nokia does need to branch out in their marketing a bit, old school tech is also really big for younger generations so some kids may not even fight parents on it.

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