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household chores

Miss Potkin/Twitter
Mom lives the dream: quietly quitting household chores to see if her family notices

It takes a heck of a lot to keep a household moving. Dishes, laundry, groceries, general cleaning and tidying, outdoor maintenance, scheduling, doctor's appointments, and on and on and on. In most American households, mom handles most of it; the majority of the physical labor and almost all of the invisible, mental work.

If it sounds like a lot, that's because it is. Though men and fathers are sharing the load more than ever, the division of labor remains pretty bad. And it's not just stay-at-home moms that are managing everything; it's working women, too! It's too much for any one person to handle.

Practically every mom I know occasionally daydreams about quitting-doing-all-the-things. Sometimes the impulse is born of exhaustion. Sometimes it's the relentless daily tedium of cleaning, cooking, reminding, over and over and over without end. And sometimes it's the desire for someone else to notice that these things actually need to be done and someone has to actually do it.

 moms, motherhood, parenting, household, family, chores, mental load, division of labor, household inequity, sexism All moms can relate to this feeling.  Giphy  

Even moms who share chores with spouses and kids often find themselves carrying the mental load of figuring out what needs to be done, monitoring whether it's getting done, and organizing who's doing what, and reminding/nagging/harassing her family members until it gets done. Sometimes moms just want to let all of that go and see what happens.

One mom, who goes by Miss Potkin on Twitter/X, recently decided she had enough. She decided, just like that, that she was going to quit without saying a word.

Channeling the fed-upness of mothers everywhere, she just up and stopped doing household chores to see what would happen. Two days later, she began sharing the saga in a Twitter thread that's as entertaining as it is satisfying.

Needless to say, without Lily managing things, the state of the home unraveled extremely quickly.


 

Letting go and letting your family sit in their own filth until they can't take it anymore takes patience and discipline. There's a reason moms generally do-all-the-things regardless of how cooperative the family is. We don't want to live in a mess any more than anyone else does. But Lily Potkin stuck to her guns.

For a minute, things were looking promising with the garbage being taken out. However, the dishes still remained mysteriously undone. As did the laundry.

It only got worse from there. Honestly, reading through the thread is like watching the beginning of a zombie flick where the "normal world" because an apocalyptic wasteland in a matter of minutes

 

"There is a pan on the cooker with a single sausage in it," she wrote in one update. "It's been there for two days. I can't look at it because it's turned the colour of the man that washes up in Cast Away."

Later, she did reveal said sausage for the camera (from a distance). It was horrifying, to say the least.

Oh, and this point, the downstairs bathroom was out of toilet paper. A harrowing prospect for all members of the house.

 

Those who might feel judgy at this point likely live with people who are naturally neat, or just can't fathom themselves how someone could let a sausage sit for two days.

But take it from a mom who let go of policing her kids' bedrooms to see how long it would take them to decide to clean on their own—some human beings are willing to overlook all manner of mess and filth before it becomes too much.

And sometimes they have to learn firsthand the amount of extra work such obliviousness leads to.

In one update from Potkin, she shows her partner trying to clean old hardened cereal off a bowl. It's quite a struggle. Imagine how much easier it would have been to clean it right away!


 

Hilariously, even though the dishwasher finally did get loaded, that's basically all that happened. Miss Potkin shared a video tour of the kitchen with the extraneous things that didn't get done or got half-done.

It speaks to the invisible load, the mental labor. Other members of the household may be willing to lend a hand here and there, but only when they're told exactly what to do. Even just the constant To-Do Listing is exhausting for moms.

 

Of course, the negative Nancies showed up to voice their judgmental opinions about her experiment, her home, her family, her choice of husband, and everything else because moms literally can't catch a break.

It's a silly, fun exercise to make a point that millions of moms can relate to. If it doesn't apply to you, move along, Nance.

Potkin took it all in stride. Though she was out to prove a point, the goal was not to villify her husband and the rest of her family, but rather to shed light on the unfair cultural expectations and systems that lead to this inequality.

 

"We do not 'live like this,'" she wrote. "This is a lesson in wanting to be heard and respected and not having to repeat yourself when things slip. We're navigating the day-to-day in extraordinary times and for me, the past two days have been funnier than anything else. I think we're all entitled to run our own experiments, be amused, push a situation to its limit if we so choose. No one needs to be lectured by those that have failed to see the silly joy in what's happening here."

And the experiment slowly started paying off as someone replaced the toilet paper.

 

But the dishwasher, though loaded, remains firmly in the Off position. For reasons that are beyond comprehension.

 

"We keep our homes tidy because love," Miss Potkin wrote. "We cook food and set tables and fill the air with scents of roses and fresh laundry because love. Love is patient but love is also fucking tired because she works 14 hour days."

"I know we are ALL tired," she added, "but I am most tired. Me. I AM ALL THE TIRED."

All the moms are all the tired.

 

Miraculously, it only took three days of being completely hands-off for her family to take note and clean the house.

 

Lesson learned. Mission accomplished. Let's hope it sticks.

Potkin's thread was reposted over 42,000 times, which means the experiment got in front of a lot of eyeballs. Doubtless that some of them must have belonged to partners who are guilty of not quite pulling their fair share. Maybe the eye-opening and entertaining thread was enough to make a difference in households beyond just Potkin's.

 

Moms are not always the ones who pick up most of the slack in a household, but they usually are.

Estimates say that, on average, women spend about twice as many hours per week on chores around the house. That's probably being generous to the average man. But even still, the inequity is clear as day. Moms are doing far too much work. That work hinders their sleep, raises the stress levels, and impacts their ability to earn and advance in their careers.

 moms, motherhood, parenting, household, family, chores, mental load, division of labor, household inequity, sexism What a typical American home may look like after three days without a mom.  Photo by Bruno Guerrero on Unsplash  

And when that work is taken for granted, it especially sucks.

When everyone in the house pays more attention and takes the initiative to tidy, neaten, clean, replace, launder, put away, etc., moms are less stressed and tired and everyone benefits. If it take up and quitting for a while to help the family see it, so be it.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

Family

Mom films her 10-month-old helping with chores to show parents that babies 'are capable'

"It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it!”

Representative image from Canva

Having kids help in chores can really help them out later in life, according to experts.

It’s part of a parent’s job to help kids enjoy being kids while they can. At the same time, it’s extremely beneficial to teach them certain “adult” tasks while they’re still young. This can help them see everything from cleaning to budgeting as a fun, life-affirming activity, rather than a mandatory chore. Which research shows can, in turn, set them up for way more happiness and success once they do reach adulthood.

And that’s why mom and child development expert Sophie Zee is hosting a video of her ten-month-old helping with household chores like laundry and loading the dishwasher. It’s her way of reminding other parents just how capable their young children are.

In the video’s text overlay on her Zee wrote: “POV: you're 10-months-old but your mom is trained in child development, so you already know about basic chores and associate them with playtime and fun, and you enjoy helping out and doing them.”

As we see her toddler’s little hands splashing water in a strainer and pressing buttons on the washing machine, it’s clear that he is just a supervised participant of each chore, getting a visceral experience of it all. At one point he even gets a little creative with a certain task—using a fork to open the dishwasher’s soap dispenser. Problem-solving skills: unlocked!

“Let your baby & kids watch/help with your daily chores. Even if it takes a bit longer or is a bit messier. It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it!” Zee's video caption read.

 
 @schoolpsych.mom Let your baby & kids watch/help with your daily chores. Even if it takes a bit longer or is a bit messier. It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it! #momsoftiktok #parentingtips #babylife #newmomtips #toddlermom ♬ Feel Good - Tundra Beats 
 
 

Down in the comments, several other parents noted having the same positive experience with their old young kids.

One mom wrote, “My 9 month old loves watching/helping me clean especially when I load/unload the dishwasher! I love making the daily tasks around the house more fun for the two of us.”

Another wrote, “I did this with my 6 adult kiddies. They were helping from the time they were just a few weeks old.”

Others simply gave kudos to Zee for setting her child up for success.

“ECD teacher here too. Best to train them from young 🥰 love it,” one view wrote.

In an interview with Newsweek, Zee explained that she filmed her son doing chores to highlight "their intrinsic motivation to engage and feel part of the family unit,” which may go otherwise underutilized.

"Parents may not realize that children learn extensively by observing and imitating adults. They naturally want to mimic our actions, presenting a perfect opportunity to expose them to life's responsibilities, including self-care and household tasks," she said.

"Sometimes my 10-month-old son engages in various daily tasks and chores around our home. I made that video to demonstrate how even young children, like babies, are capable of participating in everyday activities.”

Still, she noted that forcing kids to participate is “counterproductive,” and suggested that parents instead gently invite them to “join in, observe, and gradually participate.” She also reiterated that while having them join in might make things a little messier at first, the long term effects are well worth it.

"This approach is more beneficial than expecting children to play independently or watch television while parents rush through tasks. Ultimately, embracing this inclusive approach benefits the entire family, offering immediate rewards and long-term positive habits for children's development."

For more helpful child development content, including tips on how to get young ones to participate in chores, follow Zee on TikTok.

Fitted sheets are a pain in the you-know-what to fold, but there are ways.

With younger generations ditching top sheets, it may seem like the basic household task of putting sheets away in the linen closet or drawer should be getting easier. But the top sheet was never the problem when it comes to folding and storing. It's that cursed fitted sheet with this wonky elastic corners and bulbous, amorphous shape that gets people's goat, every time.

If only it were a simple as this:

However, if you know what you're doing, it's not actually as hard to neatly fold a fitted sheet as people think. There are just a couple of principles to keep in mind.


First, it's much, much easier to fold a fitted sheet with a flat surface. You can try to do it in the air, but you're just going to frustrate yourself.

Second, the goal of folding the fitted sheet is to keep the ugly on the inside. You're never going to get the perfectly flat, neat square you get with a folded flat sheet, but you can get pretty close by remembering that the bumpy elastic parts won't matter if they're folded up inside the straight parts of the sheet.

Now let's get to it.

Step 1: Lay the sheet out as best you can on the bed. Tuck your hands into the corners of one short end of the sheet, then tuck those corners inside the corners of the other end. This is the part that gives people the most trouble, but once you see what it looks like, it's pretty clear.

It takes this woman about 5 seconds to do that part (but it takes a bit of practice to get that quick). Watch:

Step 2: You now have a fitted sheet that's essentially folded in half, but ugly. Now you want to make a somewhat uniform shape out of it, by pulling those elastic corners in so that the top is evenly rounded. (Basically, make it look like an old-timey wagon carriage.)

Step 3: Pull the bottom of the sheet taut so you have a straight fold, then fold it the width you want the folded sheet to be (about a foot, generally). Do that fold twice.

Step 4: Here's the "ugly on the inside" part. Now fold the round top down twice, putting the second fold over the first two folds you made. (This part does not need to look super neat because, again, the ugly is going to be hidden on the inside.) Flatten it out with your hands. Now you have a nice, long, somewhat flat burrito with ugly ends.

Step 5: Fold in from both ends (ugly on the inside, always). If you want to tuck one end into the other like she does in the video, great, but that's not even necessary. You can just double fold from each end and call it good.

Voila! Neatly folded fitted sheet. It may look hard and may not end up this neat on your first try, but keep going. Once you get the hang of it, it gets faster and easier.

If that method just doesn't work for you, here's another to try from Linen House. It looks a lot more complicated at the beginning, but once you see what she's doing, it's clearer. She's essentially folding it in half and then half again, keeping the corners tucked into one another going the same direction. (You could also do that part on a bed, which might be easier than trying to do it in the air. Everyone has their preference.)

One caveat: Some sheet material is harder to fold than others. Basic cotton or poly blend? Super doable. Silk sheets are slippery, but often fold down very flat. Flannel sheets stick to themselves a bit, but are still amenable to the folding. Jersey sheets, though? Far more challenging. They have no clear shape and get more misshapen with every wash. You might be justified in giving up and wadding those ones however they will go.

What's even the point of folding fitted sheets in the first place? Well, they fit far better in a cupboard or drawer when folded than they do when wadded, for one, so if space is important to you, that's one reason. It's also just far more aesthetically pleasing. Once you get the hang of it, it takes like 30 seconds, which is totally worth it.

Health

2 photos of a woman's bedroom reveal just how powerful depression can be.

"We need to be able to talk to each other about our feelings, even the bad ones."

Photo via Jonna Roslund, used with permission.

Dealing and not dealing with a messy room

This article originally appeared on September 7, 2016

Jonna Roslund is a 26-year-old from Sweden who lives with depression.

Living with a mental illness affects many areas of a person's life, including one annoyance most of us can relate to: the dread of household chores.


But for Roslund — and many people living with depression — the process of cleaning can be about so much more than simply tidying up.

"I suffer from severe depression and have a really hard time with cleaning and doing other kinds of household work," she wrote in a post on Imgur.

household chores, suicide, Jonna Roslund

Selfie taken by Jonna Roslund.

Photo via Jonna Roslund, used with permission.


"My room [has] been this messy for several months [because] I can't push myself to take care of it," she explained. "But this Friday I decided to finally do it!"

She posted two photos of her bedroom — one before cleaning up, and one afterward.

This was Roslund's bedroom before she cleaned:

self care, positive attitude, cleaning

This can be considered messy.

Photo via Jonna Roslund, used with permission.

And after she cleaned:

mental health, household chores, motivation

What a difference some elbow grease can make, huh?

Photo via Jonna Roslund, used with permission.

"You can finally see that I have a floor!" she wrote. "Say hi to my teddy Nalle on the bed!”

"I know it's not a big victory, but for me it means the world to just be able to have my door open if people come over. I feel so at peace right now ... Me 1 — Depression 0!”

The comments on Roslund's post are filled with words of encouragement, as other users expressed how relatable it is to see a messy room so perfectly symbolize their own form of mental illness:

"I too suffer from depression and I know how hard it is to function. You rock and you're an inspiration!"

"I've been suffering from bouts of depression and dealing with an eating disorder and my place is in disarray. This is inspiring."

"Good on ya! Cleaning is the first to go when my depression flares and cleaning is one of the things that can feel good in the depths."

"Good job, [Roslund]. 1 step at a time, 1 small victory after another, is what will get you through this (: I wish you the best.”

Roslund's experience with depression and struggling to stay on top of household chores isn't all that unique.

Feeling as though you have little energy and motivation is a common characteristic for those living with depression. Everyday tasks — from the bigger things like staying productive at your job to the smaller (but still important) things like completing household chores — can feel impossibly difficult at times.

depression, mental illness, suicide prevention

Dirty kitchens happen.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

That no-energy feeling is one that Roslund knows all too well.

"When you're depressed, it's a struggle to just get out of bed," she explains over email. "It makes other things that other, healthy people do, so overwhelming. It's like trying to run a marathon when you've been in a coma for years."

That's why Roslund's post resonated so widely. It touches on an important point: Sometimes small victories aren't so small after all.

Roslund wants the world to get better at how it addresses mental illness — and that starts with all of us.

"We need to be able to talk to each other about our feelings, even the bad ones," she writes. "And we need to be better at listening when someone is trying to talk to you about it, even though it's hard to hear."

It's a vital message to remember, especially since it's National Suicide Prevention Week. Depression and the risk of suicide are closely related.

"Be patient with yourself or the person you know who is going through a hard time. And it's important to remember that there is help out there!"