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What should you do if a random girl suddenly approaches and acts like she knows you? Play along.

Women are sharing their stories of pretending to be friends with strangers to get away from creeps and stalkers.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Most women, at one point or another, have felt some wariness or fear over a strange man in public. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle, but when your instincts tell you something isn't right and you're potentially in danger, you listen.

It's an unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless.

A Twitter thread starting with some advice on helping women out is highlighting how real this is for many of us. User @mxrixm_nk wrote: "If a girl suddenly acts as if she knows you in public and acts like you're friends, go along w[ith] it. She could be in danger."

Other women chimed in with their own personal stories of either being the girl approaching a stranger or being the stranger approached by a girl to fend off a situation with a creepy dude.

One wrote, "A girl did this FOR me one time when I was sitting alone at a bar because she could tell I was in a very uncomfortable situation and I'll never forget her. It was bold of her to do that for a stranger but she literally saved me from some creep ass guy."

Another added, "I had a waitress do this for me once when an ex was yelling at me. She didn't leave me out of her sight and when he went to the bathroom she asked if I was ok and if I had roommates or if I was going to be alone with him after. An actual angel."

Another shared how a woman joined her and her husband as if they were old friends until her friends arrived.

Friend Zone Image 2 | Concept shoot in Oakland California. W… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

"A woman walked up to my husband and I saying 'I haven't seen you guys in so long!!' then hugged us. We were ???, but went w/ it. She then pointed out a group of guys that followed her in, and the one that wouldn't leave her alone. He kept getting drinks right near us. Which was odd because we were in the corner out of the way. She hung out w/ us until her other friends got there. Once we realized what had actually happened we were a little shocked."

User "AmberLUVV" shared a story of being in a Dominican Republic port on a cruise when two girls pretended to belong to her family.

"When I went on a cruise with the fam, we ported in DR for a day. My dad and I decided to go the local shopping market. We had took a break on a bench cuz it was HOT! But all of sudden two girls walk up to us and addressed my dad as their own, and proceeded to say that they had And scared! We played it out for a minute longer until they told us what happened! Some men in a van were following them promising to take them to the beach and wouldn't leave them alone! They pointed out one of the guys and I had seen him turn away when they addressed my dad!"

"Raeloe" shared how a girl approached her at a nightclub to get away from a creepy guy when she'd been separated from her friends.

"I had this happen in a nightclub once. My hubby and I were working PAX and this club let's [sic] the enforcers in for free with their badges, I've never been before so he said c'mon let's go. Bout 2 hours in this girl comes up and dances with me and asks if it's okay to stay awhile. She lost her friends and this dude was creeping on her. I told her to take all the time she needs to find her friends. She came back with them later and gave me a big hug for making her feel safe. Would do it again without hesitation."


Another person shared how they'd been the one who needed help.

"Been the person who needed this. Creepy dude wouldn't leave me tf alone, so I walked over to a group of girls and acted very excited to see them again. They immediately caught on and we started talking about whatever. For over an hour. Bcuz he wouldn't leave. They ended up giving me a ride around town bcuz the creeper was following. Made some friends and we made him run a red light, which had a cop chasing him. They got me home and we hung out regularly after that."

And another explained how grateful she was to a woman on the bus who let her act like they were best friends.

One person even shared a video showing exactly what such a scenario looks like in real life.

Some people responded with various "what if" scenarios, like what if a woman is really trying to lure them into a dangerous situation, or what if they want them to accompany them somewhere that might not be safe? But those questions seemed to miss the point that no one was suggesting anyone go anywhere private with anyone, and also seemed to miss how often women actually do find themselves in situations where they need to turn to a stranger for help.

As one woman wrote, "All the people fighting this saying it'll be a setup are underestimating how often women actually do this to get away from creepy men. I've had to do this at a bar and I've also gone up to a women I saw distressed and pretended to be her friend and she played along. It happens.


man in gray crew neck shirt standing beside woman in pink tank top Photo by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

I've yelled back. I've thrown drinks in guys faces. I've pushed them away from myself and others. I've reached out for help and asked other guys or security to step in. Sometimes the path of least resistance for a good night is to blend in real quick."

And others pointed out that women don't generally approach men for help unless they feel like they really need to—usually because they end up in situations where men don't respond to the word "no."

Finally, someone suggested a tip for using your phone to ask a girl if she's in danger while pretending to show her a picture, so you both can be clear on what's really happening.

But the bottom line is, if a girl or woman walks up to you and pretends to know you, more often than not it's because she's trying to get away from someone. Play along and accompany her until she's safe. Guaranteed she'll be eternally grateful.


This article originally appeared on

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Health

What I realized about feminism after my male friend was disgusted by tampons at a party

"After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have."

Photo by Josefin on Unsplash

It’s okay men. You don’t have to be afraid.



Years ago, a friend went to a party, and something bothered him enough to rant to me about it later.

And it bothered me that he was so incensed about it, but I couldn't put my finger on why. It seemed so petty for him to be upset, and even more so for me to be annoyed with him.

Recently, something reminded me of that scenario, and it made more sense. I'll explain.

The party was a house party.

One of those parties people throw if they're renting a good-sized house in college. You know the type — loud music, Solo cups of beer, and somebody doing something drunk and stupid before the end of the night.

At some point, my friend had occasion to use the bathroom. When he went into the bathroom, he was disgusted to see that the hostess had left a basket of menstrual hygiene products on the counter for guests to use if needed.

Later, when my friend told me about it, he wrinkled his nose and said, “Why would she do that? Guys don't want to see that!"

When I suggested that she was just making them available in case someone needed them, he insisted they could be left in the cabinet or under the counter. Out of sight, anyway.

I wish I'd had, at the time, the ability to articulate what I can now.

To me, this situation is, while relatively benign, a perfect example of male privilege.

A man walks into the bathroom and sees a reminder that people have periods. And he's disgusted. He wants that evidence hidden away because it offends his senses. How dare the hostess so blatantly present tampons and pads where a man might see them? There's no reason for that!

Someone who gets a period walks into the bathroom and sees that the hostess is being extra considerate. They get it. They know what it's like to have a period start unexpectedly. The feeling of horror because they're probably wearing something they don't want ruined — it is a party after all. The sick embarrassment because someone might notice, especially if they're wearing light-colored clothes, or worse, they sat on the hostess' white couch.

The self-conscious, semi-nauseated feeling of trying to get through a social event after you've exhausted every avenue to get your hands on an emergency pad or tampon, and you're just hoping to God that if you tie your jacket around your waist (you brought one, right?), keep your back to a wall, clench your butt cheeks, squeeze your thighs tightly together, and don't ... move ... at ... all — you might get through the evening, bow out gracefully, and find an all-night convenience store with a public restroom.

Or maybe they came to the party during their period, but didn't bargain for the flow to suddenly get that heavy. Or they desperately need a tampon, but their purse or bag is in a room where a couple is not to be disturbed. Maybe they don't know the hostess well enough to ask if they can use one. Or they don't know anyone at the party well enough to ask. Or they figure they can make do with some wadded up toilet paper or something.

Whatever the case, they walk into the bathroom and hear the hostess saying, “Hey, I know what it's like, and just in case, I've got your back." They see someone saving them from what could be a minor annoyance or a major embarrassment.

The hostess gets it.

The person who just walked into the bathroom? They're either going to see that the person throwing the party is super considerate or they're going to be whispering "thanks to Jesus, Krishna, and whoever else is listening" because that is a basket full of social saviors.

But to the guy who wrinkled his nose, it's still offensive that those terrible little things are on the counter, reminding his delicate sensibilities that the playground part of a person is occasionally unavailable due to a "gross" bodily function that he should never have to think about.

In the grand scheme of things, it's a tiny thing. It's a tiny annoyance for the man and a more significant, but relatively tiny, courtesy for the person with their period. After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have. As a person whose life is partially governed by a fickle uterus that can ruin an evening faster than a submerged iPhone, his story has stuck with me.

How can you be so offended by a small gesture that has zero effect on you, but could make such an enormous difference to the person who needs it?

It occurs to me now that this is a small but effective illustration of how different people can see the world.

It's part of the same thought process that measures a woman's value through her bra size and her willingness to have sex with him — that everything about us is displayed or hidden based on how men perceive them or what he wants to get from us. Unattractive women should be as covered as possible, while attractive ones shouldn't be hiding their assets from male eyes (or hands, or anything else he wishes to use).

A woman who isn't smiling is an affront to him because it detracts from her prettiness, despite the fact that there might be a legitimate reason for her not to smile (or more to the point, there isn't a legitimate reason for her to smile). Her emotional state is irrelevant because she's not being pretty. It's the line of thinking where a man blames anything other than cheerful sexual consent on the woman being a bitch, being a lesbian, or — naturally — being on her period. Everything we do, from our facial expressions to our use of hygiene products, is filtered through the lens of “how it looks to a man.”

It's the line of thinking where a small gesture from one person to another, an assurance that someone else understands and will help without question or judgment, a gesture that could save a person's evening from being ruined is trumped by a man's desire to see an untainted landscape of pretty, smiling women with visible cleavage and bodies that never bleed.

And people wonder why we still need feminism.


This story was written by L.A. Witt and originally appeared on 8.12.16

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A man grossly misjudged how to speak to girls and got expertly handled by a Girl Scout

"No. Walk away."

Somewhere in Salt Lake City, a Girl Scout is getting allll the good mojo from The People of the Internet.

Over the weekend, Eli McCann shared a story of an encounter at a Girl Scout cookie stand that has people throwing their fists in the air and shouting, YES! THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. (Or maybe that's just me. But I'm guessing most of the 430,000 people who liked his story had a similar reaction.)

"I just saw the most wild thing!" McCann wrote on Twitter. "A man started walking toward the Girl Scouts cookie stand in front of the grocery store and he yelled 'My bitches are BACK' and this Girl Scout just yelled 'No. Walk away.' AND HE DID."

So simple. So straightforward. But it gets even better.

McCann wrote out the full story on his blog, It Just Gets Stranger, offering some extra details to his tweets.

"It was truly jarring," he wrote of the man's exclamation. "Like, it was sort of the last thing I expected anyone to say. My mind suddenly rebooted. The six or so other people who were all standing around in front of the grocery store froze and looked at him. I opened my mouth to say something, but then really didn't know what to say."

"It was unclear who he was calling 'bitches,'" he continued. "If it was the Girl Scouts, well obviously that was terrible. If it was the cookies, I mean that's kind of funny (don't @ me), but totally inappropriate to say to a bunch of 12 year olds (is that how old Girl Scouts are?). Either way, he shouldn't have said it and I don't know what could have possibly made him think this was a fine way to approach a group of Girl Scouts."

McCann said the girl's response was immediate, and it floored everyone. "Her tone was so full of confidence and sass," he wrote. "It was the most perfectly delivered line I have ever heard."

"This dude completely froze. He just stopped walking. His face went bright red. His mouth was sort of gaping open. He did this very awkward and stilted nod, almost apologetic, abruptly turned around, and shuffled back to his car at like 6-minute-mile pace. The girl just death stared him all the way through his walk of shame."

McCann says it took him a bit to digest what he'd just seen.

"I ended up walking into the store and the entire time I was shopping I was just trying to process what had happened. I kept replaying it over and over and wondering if I had misheard or misunderstood something," he wrote.


"Who was this guy? Did he just make the biggest miscalculation of his life? Is he going to move away and start a new life now? Is that girl going to be president one day? Can I adopt her? Can she adopt me? Can I start a cult to follow her?"


As he was leaving the store, he went up to the girl to compliment her—then got another perfectly delivered line from the intrepid Girl Scout.

"Two adult women were standing behind the girl (the troop leaders, I assume)," he wrote. "I said to the girl, 'I saw how you handled that man earlier. That was really really impressive. Your troop is pretty lucky to have you.'"

"And this girl. This Goddess of a human. The one I'm for sure going to worship if ever she starts a religion. Without stuttering. With perfect comedic timing. She responded:

'You gotta be pretty tough if you're gonna go out in THIS outfit.'"

OMG.

Let's all give this girl a virtual high five for her gumption and wit. It takes a lot of courage to say something to an adult when you're a kid, especially a man who is doing something inappropriate. The fact that she seemed to have been perfectly prepared for that moment, shutting him down so immediately and decisively that everyone in the vicinity stopped to take note, is so dang impressive.

This is what happens when you teach girls their true worth and encourage them not to accept anything less than respect and dignity. Gotta love it.


This article originally appeared on 03.09.20

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Identity

The note said she didn't deserve her promotion. Here's her mic-drop response.

From a girl who went to MIT anyway.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.

Because you're a girl.

I was promoted a few weeks ago, which was great. I got a lot of nice notes from friends, family, customers, partners, and random strangers, which was exciting.

But it wasn't long until a note came in saying, “Everyone knows you got the position because you're a girl." In spite of having a great week at a great company with great people whom I love, that still stung, because it's not the first time I've heard it.

Every woman who works in tech — heck, likely every woman on Earth — hears “because you're a girl" dozens, if not thousands, of times in her life.

It starts young, of course:

Why can't I join that team? Because you're a girl.

Why can't I study physics? Because you're a girl.

Then, the comments age with you.

Why can't I manage that project? Because you're a girl.

Why can't I join that group? Because you're a girl.

And after you've reached any level of attainment in a profession you love, the comments are used to minimize your success.

Why did you get that award? Because you're a girl.

Why were you chosen to participate in that class? Because you're a girl.

Like so many women before me, I have shaken off the comment.

I've gotten angry. I've gotten sad. I've doubted myself and my abilities. I've ignored it entirely. I've challenged it. I've recruited support from men and women I respect. Yet every time it stays there in the back of my mind, screaming for attention after every failure or setback.

But today is the day I've decided to change that.

I did, in fact, get the job because I'm a girl.

A girl who was called "bossy" growing up.

A girl who wasn't afraid to play with the boys.

A girl who didn't hesitate to raise her hand if she knew the answer.

A girl who stood up for other kids.

A girl who was always the first one to volleyball practice and the last to leave.

A girl who was told she was too assertive and aggressive to advance in her career.

A girl who went to MIT anyway.

A girl who asked her company to do more on diversity and inclusion and won't stop pushing until it's truly remarkable.

A girl who has made big mistakes, both personal and professional.

A girl who swings for the fences even when no one is watching.

A girl who puts in hours when other people are asleep

A girl who tells young girls how smart and strong they are.

A girl who hates to lose.

And a girl who won't stand silently while people still use “because you're a girl" as any limitation for girls who want to grow, challenge the status quo, and be something, anything, greater than society tells them they could or should.

So yeah. I guess you could say I got my job because I'm a girl, but not for any of the reasons you might think.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared on 04.14.17

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