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Readers share 17 dead giveaways that a male character was written by a woman

"I'm a bad boy with a heart of gold, and I only have eyes for you."

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People are sharing hilarious examples of what happens when women write male characters.

It's hard to write convincingly outside of your lived experience, especially when it comes to gender. Whether it's comfortable to admit or not, there are a lot of fundamental differences between men and women. We're raised differently, socialized different, and view the world is wildly unique ways. And that's to say nothing of our many, many physiological differences.

Most famously, you've heard the jokes and seen the brutal examples of "men writing women." There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to the worst instances found from books in the wild. One hallmark? There's usually a weird fixation on their physical appearance. The old joke/meme goes, "Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of the bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through her thin fabric. She breasted boobily towards the stairs, and titted downwards."

You get the idea.

But let it be known that it can also be hard for women to write convincing male characters! The male psyche is just so complex, so multi-faceted, such an enigma, that it can be difficult to truly capture without walking a mile in our shoes. OK, maybe that's not exactly it, but let's have an honest conversation about the last time you saw a male character in a romance novel awkwardly "adjust" himself—a phenomenon all guys are familiar with. Probably not very often, right?

A recent Reddit thread posed the question: "What's a telltale sign that a male character was written by a woman?"

Hundreds of users chimed in with their thoughts and opinions and dead giveaways, and the responses are laugh-out-loud funny and wickedly accurate. Here are a few of the best observations:

1. Only "she" gets him.

"She's the only one who gets to see his vulnerable side, which only consists of two things, a traumatic past and his inability to live if he ever loses her," a user wrote.

 books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, erotica Who wants to fix this bad boy?  Giphy  

2. He's the absolute worst. No, wait, he's simply misunderstood.

"He's a total bastard... but with a heart of gold that she will help him discover," someone added.

3. He effortlessly handles her frazzled, panicky freak-outs.

"When a female character is communicating badly, but he understands her anyway," another said.

 books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, erotica These hunks will never, ever give up on love.  Giphy  

4. He has in-depth conversations with friends about love, emotions, and the things they fear.

"For me, it’s most obvious when male characters are talking to each other. Men just don’t communicate the same way that most women in my life tend to," a guy suggested.

5. He could have anyone, but he just can't get her off his mind.

"Guy has literally everything(money, looks, daring badboy) and suddenly chooses the mundane blank canvass main character. He singularly and inexplicably becomes obsessed with her after seeing her once at [insert random place]" someone observed.

6. The burning. So much burning.

"His touch or his stare burns into the heroine," another user said.

 books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, erotica His piercing eyes will burn straight into you.  Giphy  

7. He's an open book, or the biggest jerk on the planet.

"He's either an incredibly emotionally open and gentle man or the most annoying asshole you'll ever meet," someone wrote.

8. If he's a good guy, he never gets his timing wrong.

"He gets the timing of his behaviors just right for the FMC [Female Main Character]. He's aggressive at the right time for her and vulnerable at the right time for her. Even his apparent missteps just make him more attractive to her," another user added.

9. He's cold and distant, but only because he's afraid of how much he loves her.

"They're super handsome, but cold and distant the entire time, but then save the day and secretly have always loved the main character," someone commented.

10. He is an enigma.

"Capable but humble, Affectionate but distant, Your pleasure is his pleasure," someone succinctly added.

11. He's hardworking and successful, but always seems to be free for a hang.

"He will also be handsome, perfectly fit, very rich, travels all the time, but still somehow has all the free time in the world to be with her all day," a user wrote.

12. His natural musk is magnificent.

"When it’s repeatedly mentioned that he smells like a plant and a weather element. Pine and snow. Cedar and rain. Oak and sunlight," a commenter observed.


 books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, erotica He smelled like cedar and rain.  Giphy  

13. He is a thinly-veiled takedown of all men everywhere.

"One I've noticed is male villains who are obviously meant to be allegorical critiques of sexist men. They're often painfully badly written and give the vibe that the author has not ever actually met a human, sexist or otherwise," someone said.

14. He growls, in a good way.

"When he growls or snarls [or makes other animal sounds]," another guy added.

15. He may have psychic abilities.

"He's a 'mind reader' towards others and just 'knows" what they want without the need to communicate clearly. ... He can read minds and knows what she wants without her being up front about it," someone suggested.

16. He's the goodest good-guy that ever good-guyed.

"He's a family man who works 60 hours a week, loves family activities and spending time with the kids. He supports his wife in her career. He's also super jacked because he lifts. Apparently, he doesn't need sleep and days have 30 hours."

 books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, erotica He spends all his waking hours working and with the family, but still has a six-pack.  Giphy  

17. He's a man of few words, but his brain never stops chattering.

"The inner dialogue is off. Too many words," someone summed up.


The truth is, it's hard for writers to "win" no matter what they do. Men that write vulnerable, soft, feminine female characters will be criticized for stereotyping. If they write them tough and a little crass, they're just writing a 'male fantasy.' Too quirky and impulsive and you've created the dreaded Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

The same is true for female writers. Make your men too brutish and simple and you're playing into the stereotypes. Too sensitive and emotionally-intelligent and you're "setting the bar too high."

We have to remember that a lot of what we read and enjoy on-screen is meant to be escapism. A lot of the teasing criticisms above are pulled from the pages of romance novels, which are meant to be a fantasy. They're primarily written for women, so it's fun to imagine a hunky bad boy with a soft-gooey center that only you can access. Similarly, men love fantasy stories where they get to imagine themselves as the hero meeting a distressed damsel who loves them exactly the way they are.

It's all just a bit of fun, and it can also be a lot of fun for astute readers when well-meaning authors don't quite hit the mark.

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Democracy

Millennial woman uses clever '3 wishes' metaphor to explain why she doesn't want kids

"It's not some feminist brainwashing."

via Canva/Photos

A woman saying "back off."

There’s a growing trend in America of younger people not wanting to have children. In 2018, 37% of adults under 50 said that they didn’t want to have children, and, five years later in 2023, that number grew to 47%. That’s a big leap from those 50 and over, which over 31% said they never wanted to have children.

Why aren’t young people having as many kids?

There are many reasons why people decide not to have kids, whether it’s finances, the current state of the world, or a desire to spend their time and attention on their careers. But among those under 50 who aren’t interested in having children, the most popular reason is, they just don’t want to.

Tara Margulies, women’s health influencer and host of the Understand Your Cycle podcast, used a metaphor about a mythical genie in a bottle to explain why she doesn’t want to have any children. “If you gave me a genie and you said, 'You can have three wishes,' and I said, 'I want unlimited money. I want a 100% guarantee that I'm going to have zero complications in my pregnancy, my birth. It's not going to cause any problems in my relationship at all. And I'd magically have unlimited time to be able to do everything that I wanted as well as raise this child. I still wouldn't do it," Margulies said.

Margulies insists that her child-free choice is genuine and a hallmark of her generation. “And it's not some kind of feminist brainwash telling me that I'm finally allowed and should be selfish. It's that we are the first generation that's openly talking about it like this, and it makes people mad,” she said.

Her bottom line is simple: “Not everybody is meant to procreate, and that is okay.”

Margulies' followers shared their reasons for not wanting kids, which are all pretty straightforward. “Read something genius: Would I be a good mom? Yes. Would I be a happy mom? No." Anna wrote. “I don’t want children, and I never have. I have never felt the urge to be a mother. I honestly do not like kids, and pregnancy freaks me out. It is not the life for me. Courtney added.

woman says no, woman raises finger, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennialA woman holding up her pointer finger.via Canva/Photos

A parent in the comments is totally on board with Margulies’ decision. “As a parent, I really don’t understand the hate and push to everyone to have kids. Kids are hard work. If you aren’t fully wanting it, why would you!" Luce wrote.

Margulies sees her decision as the logical result of the women’s rights movement. "In a lot of cases, we're the first generation of women in our lineage to be privileged enough to have a choice," Margulies told Newsweek. "We can make our own money, own our own property, we don't feel the pressure our parents felt to do what everyone else is doing."

woman says no, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennial, noA woman with "no" written on her hands. via Canva/Photos

Margulies’ TikTok post is crucial because even though millennial women are in the position where they can confidently make their own reproductive choices, many women in her age group still feel pressured to have children. Those who do not are often stigmatized as selfish by their loved ones and society at large, even though studies show that childfree women are generally happier, healthier, less depressed, less anxious, and more satisfied than mothers. They also tend to have happier marriages and romantic relationship satisfaction.

The good news is that people like Margulies are choosing to be childfree because women have earned the right in developed countries to make their own reproductive choices and are in the position to live life on their own terms. Ultimately, it’s the best choice for all involved, because children deserve parents who fully invest in their decision to have them.

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Love Stories

Woman's 'controversial' take on breakups illustrates our shifting attitudes about divorce

She claims she's "never thought" one of her newly single friends made the wrong choice.

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More women than ever are being empowered to leave bad relationships.

Did you know that almost half of all people have gotten back together with an ex at some point after ending the relationship? It's so common that it's almost become a joke. Uh oh, don't let your friend have too many drinks or she'll start texting her ex. We all know trying to revive a dead romance as a comically bad idea in almost all cases.

But surely there are exceptions. There must be cases where people break up for silly or inconsequential reasons when they're really better off together. There have to be people out there who really should try to win their ex back, right? Depending on who you listen to, this may be true for men. For women? Well...

A woman recently went viral for a simple but powerful observation about her newly single friends: They're all doing just fine.

relationships, chelsea handler, love, sex, dating, breakups, divorceChelsea Handler gets it: Being single is better than being with the wrong person.Giphy

The woman, who goes by @devonstephen on TikTok, mused that in all of her experience with her female friends leaving their partners, it's always been the right decision.

"I have never met a divorced woman and never been friends with a girl going through a breakup who, after they leave their partner, I've thought, you need him back. 'Go get him back girl.' I've never thought that."

She didn't directly elaborate on why she thought that was the case, but viewers were able to fill in the context and implications quite easily. The short, 15-second clip struck a huge nerve with women everywhere, racking up over half a million views and hundreds of comments.

@devonstephen

this is my official stance on divorce #girlhood #bigsister #fyp

Though the opinion seemed controversial, commenters overwhelmingly agreed:

Seems every woman who chimed in had a story about a friend, or even themselves, coming out on the other side of a breakup better off:

"I've also never met a divorced woman doing worse in life after the divorce. They always level up"

"I've NEVER thought, 'her loss'"

"I have never met a woman who left a man and regretted it; only regretted not leaving sooner."

"Every time I tell an older woman that I’m divorced she tells me congratulations and means it"

"it’s always, 'thank god finally' she’s always so much better off!!"

"When I talk to all my elders, the grandmas and the tias, they all tell me to stay single and enjoy the life they never got to live. Watching them in their relationships makes it real bc they suffered"

It sounds harsh, and of course it doesn't reflect 100% of reality, but the comments were extremely illuminating when it comes to a rising sentiment.


@devonstephen

Replying to @itsame! 🇨🇦 the hot girl trifecta: strong, healthy, wealthy (in so many ways) #fyp #girlhood #bigsister #breakup

The latest data shows that about 41% of first marriages end in divorce. For those that get remarried, the numbers rise drastically. Divorce rates rose for decades before peaking around 1980 and going into a gradual decline in subsequent years. A stunning 70% of these divorces are initiated by women.

In the past, women, especially, were locked into bad marriages because of a lack of financial independence and the non-existence of no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce laws were introduced in the 1970s and allowed either party to leave a marriage without assigning fault or blame to the other party. These laws gave women more agency to leave marriages and some argue they even save lives to this day by allowing women to escape domestic violence without having to prove it in court.

The relatively high divorce rate (though it's down quite a bit from its peak) is often pointed to as a bad thing or as a sign of a crumbling society. But that point of view misses the bigger context. It's become more culturally acceptable to divorce, and fewer people are trapped for life in loveless or broken relationships. Women, in particular, have been empowered and given agency to leave bad, abusive, or unhappy situations.

It's probably an oversimplification to claim that women are never at fault in a break up with a solid guy or can't make mistakes in an otherwise good relationship, but the point of the video stands that, in general, when women leave a partner, it's usually for a good reason. And the difference in 2025 is that they're more empowered culturally and legally to do so, and get on with living their best lives.

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Culture

Why men should play along if a random girl suddenly approaches and acts like she knows you

Men want to help and here's the perfect way to do it.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

When a woman acts like she knows a man it's a clear signal

Most women, at one point or another, have felt some wariness or fear over a strange man in public. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle, but when your instincts tell you something isn't right and you're potentially in danger, you listen.

It's an unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless. A Twitter thread starting with some advice on helping women out is highlighting how real this is for many of us. User @mxrixm_nk wrote: "If a girl suddenly acts as if she knows you in public and acts like you're friends, go along w[ith] it. She could be in danger."

Other women chimed in with their own personal stories of either being the girl approaching a stranger or being the stranger approached by a girl to fend off a situation with a creepy dude.

One wrote, "A girl did this FOR me one time when I was sitting alone at a bar because she could tell I was in a very uncomfortable situation and I'll never forget her. It was bld of her to do that for a stranger but she literally saved me from some creep ass guy."

Another added, "I had a waitress do this for me once when an ex was yelling at me. She didn't leave me out of her sight and when he went to the bathroom she asked if I was ok and if I had roommates or if I was going to be alone with him after. An actual angel."

Another shared how a woman joined her and her husband as if they were old friends until her friends arrived.

good men, women, men, stalkers, harassment, adviceA man holds a woman's hand while another man watcheswww.flickr.com

"A woman walked up to my husband and I saying 'I haven't seen you guys in so long!!' then hugged us. We were ???, but went w/ it. She then pointed out a group of guys that followed her in, and the one that wouldn't leave her alone. He kept getting drinks right near us. Which was odd because we were in the corner out of the way. She hung out w/ us until her other friends got there. Once we realized what had actually happened we were a little shocked."

User "AmberLUVV" shared a story of being in a Dominican Republic port on a cruise when two girls pretended to belong to her family.

"When I went on a cruise with the fam, we ported in DR for a day. My dad and I decided to go the local shopping market. We had took a break on a bench cuz it was HOT! But all of sudden two girls walk up to us and addressed my dad as their own, and proceeded to say that they had And scared! We played it out for a minute longer until they told us what happened! Some men in a van were following them promising to take them to the beach and wouldn't leave them alone! They pointed out one of the guys and I had seen him turn away when they addressed my dad!"


"Raeloe" shared how a girl approached her at a nightclub to get away from a creepy guy when she'd been separated from her friends.

"I had this happen in a nightclub once. My hubby and I were working PAX and this club let's [sic] the enforcers in for free with their badges, I've never been before so he said c'mon let's go. Bout 2 hours in this girl comes up and dances with me and asks if it's okay to stay awhile. She lost her friends and this dude was creeping on her. I told her to take all the time she needs to find her friends. She came back with them later and gave me a big hug for making her feel safe. Would do it again without hesitation."


Another person shared how they'd been the one who needed help.

"Been the person who needed this. Creepy dude wouldn't leave me tf alone, so I walked over to a group of girls and acted very excited to see them again. They immediately caught on and we started talking about whatever. For over an hour. Bcuz he wouldn't leave. They ended up giving me a ride around town bcuz the creeper was following. Made some friends and we made him run a red light, which had a cop chasing him. They got me home and we hung out regularly after that."

And another explained how grateful she was to a woman on the bus who let her act like they were best friends.

One person even shared a video showing exactly what such a scenario looks like in real life.


Some people responded with various "what if" scenarios, like what if a woman is really trying to lure them into a dangerous situation, or what if they want them to accompany them somewhere that might not be safe? But those questions seemed to miss the point that no one was suggesting anyone go anywhere private with anyone, and also seemed to miss how often women actually do find themselves in situations where they need to turn to a stranger for help.

As one woman wrote, "All the people fighting this saying it'll be a setup are underestimating how often women actually do this to get away from creepy men. I've had to do this at a bar and I've also gone up to a women I saw distressed and pretended to be her friend and she played along. It happens."

men helping women, harassment, danger, women, men Most men want to be helpful to women and this is a great way to do thatPhoto by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

"I've yelled back. I've thrown drinks in guys faces. I've pushed them away from myself and others. I've reached out for help and asked other guys or security to step in. Sometimes the path of least resistance for a good night is to blend in real quick."

And others pointed out that women don't generally approach men for help unless they feel like they really need to—usually because they end up in situations where men don't respond to the word "no."

Finally, someone suggested a tip for using your phone to ask a girl if she's in danger while pretending to show her a picture, so you both can be clear on what's really happening.

But the bottom line is, if a girl or woman walks up to you and pretends to know you, more often than not it's because she's trying to get away from someone. Play along and accompany her until she's safe. Guaranteed she'll be eternally grateful.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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