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"80% less stress": Family with newborn reveals how life changed after they left America

"I went to eat with my baby at a restaurant in Spain and my baby started screaming..."

Canva Photos

One family says living abroad with young kids has massively reduced their stress.

Most burnt-out parents I know have at least toyed with the idea of moving far, far away. You can only handle so many news stories of school shootings or eroding child labor laws in the US before you seriously start to think about what life could be like elsewhere.

And it's not even necessarily these drastic issues that are so worrying. It's the day to day: the high cost of childcare and living, the extremely fast pace of American life, and being horribly anxious that taking your kids out in public will bother someone's peace and quiet. It's all a lot, and it's taking a serious toll on American parents' mental health.

Marae and Roger Torrelier hit a tipping point when their five-year-old was getting ready to start school in the US. The two had lived in several different states, including far-away Alaska, but they were finally ready to try a different way of life.

The family of four now live in Malaga, Spain with their older child and a baby. Marae has been documenting the journey on social media and how it differs from their experience living in America.

For starters, they say they're way more comfortable being out and about with their kids in public.

"[In the US] we've encountered venues that even refuse children, whereas in Europe and Asia, children are welcomed almost everywhere," mom told Newsweek.

The family has found their new home in Spain to be far more family- and kid-friendly, not just in the design and policies of the cities, but in the way strangers interact and respond to children.

"Playgrounds have cafés so you can have a coffee, a meal or drink while the kids play. People often interact with our kids with kindness, neighbors know them and ask about them."

I remember visiting Italy with my then-4-year-old and being amazed at how relaxed I felt sitting in a piazza having a glass of wine while she wandered and played in the busy square. It's still one of my top overall memories!

In one viral clip on the family's TikTok, Marae admits "I went to eat with my baby at a restaurant in Spain and my baby started screaming..." You know, baby does as babies do. But what the people around her did surprised the mom.

"The chef came out running to see 'the cute baby' and see if he could make her something to eat. Then he started showing her to the rest of the staff."

In the clip, the smiling chef can be seen playing with the baby before passing her off to another staff member, who is overjoyed to hold the little cutie.

@bravefamilytravel

The sweetest people 😭 #spaintravel #travelwithababy

"We’ve been outside of the US for less than a year and my stress levels have decreased by 80%," she writes in another post on Instagram.

In this clip, the family has popped on over to Italy for a visit, and a sweet old Italian man stops while passing by to smile and wave at the baby.

"When my baby cries I’m not afraid a stranger is gonna come and complain she’s being loud. Instead, they approach to see how they can help. When strangers approach I’m not afraid of what they’ll do but rather excited to see the interaction"

"This is the way it should be. We are social beings. This is the village. ... If you’re looking for a taste of what a child and family friendly society looks like, come to Italy."

There are a lot of things that make many other countries around the world, particularly in Europe, extremely appealing for families.

Kind people, and rude people, exist all over the world. Grumpy folks aren't unique to America. But some parts of the world just have better infrastructure for parents with young kids.

Places like Spain or Italy often have a slower way of life, more built-in time off for workers, better maternity and paternity leave, and childcare that is astronomically more affordable.

(In the United States, putting two or even just one child in full-time daycare so both parents can work costs about as much as a mortgage.)

@bravefamilytravel

we’ve been outside of the US for less than 2 months and my stress levels have decreased by 80%

Viewers and commenters love hearing about the family's journey, and have been quick to share their own stories of living and traveling abroad.

"In Singapore, the sweet Asian ladies took my baby out of my hands, a group of older women circled around her, and couldn’t believe she had blonde hair and blue eyes. It was absolutely such a sweet moment, and you could understand there was no threat."

"We hear a baby cry and we 1) Understand babies cry 2) Hope mum / dad isn't too stressed 3) we've all been there and 4) we remember our little ones"

"In italy we say "it takes a town to grow up a child". It's rare to see people not being kind to kids"

"You should visit Japan once. Babies are rare there because of population decline so they get such a celebrity status kinda love that its heart-rending."

@bravefamilytravel

Best decision ever 😂 says baby Atlas 👏

European countries aren't without their own problems. And believe it or not, there are lots of great communities and villages right here at home in America. You just have to put in a little extra effort to seek them out.

You may not feel comfortable letting your toddler loose in a busy city square here in America. But you can definitely cultivate a close group of family friends who live nearby, maybe even in walking distance.

And you can definitely be that person who offers to hold a crying baby or gives a reassuring smile to a tired parent who's worried they're bothering everyone.

You don't have to move halfway across the world to seek out a different way of life, or make a difference in other people's. But... it sure would be nice if America could make it a little easier sometimes.

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Internet

An innocent question about 'oily hair' turned into a wholesome exchange about beauty standards

“When people ask me does their hair look oily what does that mean?”

Photo credit: Canva

Innocent cultural question creates educational exchange

There are things about other cultures that we simply won't know unless we ask. The problem is, sometimes asking can feel embarrassing or even be tricky due to worries about offending someone. Something about the feeling of anonymity on the internet makes people feel a little more comfortable asking these questions to what feels like the void in hopes that someone sees your genuine curiosity and responds with kindness.

For an example of how these interactions can go, look no further than a Black woman named Olivia. She explains in a video posted to social media that she doesn't understand what people mean when they say their hair is oily.


"As a Black girl, when people ask me 'is my hair oily,' what does that mean?"

"My friends will ask me and they're not Black and then they ask, 'oh does my hair look oily,' I don't know what that MEAAAAAANNNNS," Olivia says.

Her cries were heard and Annie, a white woman, responds to Olivia's video with explanations and examples. A lot of thought went into her video, answering Olivia in a respectful and compassionate way that highlights the different beauty standards between the two races.

"Hear me out, I think this stems from the same misunderstanding that happens when white girls are always complimenting Black girls box braids when they're really grown out and needing to be redone," Annie surmises before pulling up photos of what oily hair looks like on white women.

how-to beauty GIF by SephoraGiphy

She also explains using her own hair as an example, sharing that her hair is fine and she likes to have a level of volume to her hair, "and when it's oily it is like slicked down to my head and you can typically see really sharp part lines. It almost looks kinda wet."

Annie's explanation included the difference between how Black women may see hair flat ironed with oil in it and think it looks like the "sleekest silk press ever."

a woman with an afro is looking at the camera Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

The comments section was full of women all races showing appreciation for the wholesome and respectful discourse on this topic. It also made people feel like the comment section was a safe space to ask more questions, which were answered in the same respectful, kind manner.

"So basically, you see the beauty in us that we don't see in ourselves and we see the beauty in you that you don't see in yourselves. This was so wholesome to watch," one person shares.

"I love this phenomenon of us complimenting each other's raggedy hair. I like to think we just see the beauty in each other that we don't see in ourselves."

woman wearing blue and white floral spaghetti-strap dress Photo by Leyli Nova on Unsplash

"So all the white women who told me my hair my hair was cute when it wasn't weren't trying to play me," one woman asks.

"I love this phenomenon of us complimenting each other's raggedy hair. I like to think we just see the beauty in each other that we don't see in ourselves," another viewer added.

"Here I was walking around thinking people were being sarcastic complimenting my dirty flat hair. We are all so different," another commenter writes.

Others were simply impressed by the positive discourse happening in the comment section and realizing that compliments they received previously were likely genuine.


@anniesright #stitch with @olivia ༘˚⋆𐙚 This is so funny to me - like i am always so self concious about my greasy hair and the fact some people dont even know what it looks like 🤣🤣 beauty standards are so weird #greasyhair #oilyhair #braids ♬ original sound - annie


"See. This is how we need to be discussing these things! We're all tuned in and enjoying the conversation," a woman gushes over the camaraderie.

Hug GIFGiphy

Sometimes all we need is a little insider clarification to understand that we're all on the same team, genuinely trying to be kind and complimentary to other people. The comment section is good vibes for anyone who reads it.

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Identity

Interracial and intercultural couples share the biggest things they had to get used to

Love unites people across cultures, creating some unexpected but valuable learning experiences.

Photo by Jennifer Lim-Tamkican on Unsplash

Interracial relationships can have unexpected learning opportunities.

Humanity in general has come a long way when it comes to interracial relationships. It used to be that interracial marriage was deemed wrong and even illegal in some U.S. states, but with the world continually shrinking due to transportation and technology advances, we increasingly see more interracial and intercultural relationships more often.

But the broad social embrace of cross-cultural love doesn’t mean it’s challenge-free. Norms, expectations and traditions can vary widely between people from different backgrounds, and sometimes those differences can create some surprising—and sometimes hilarious—misunderstandings. Interracial and intercultural relationships come with some specific challenges, but navigating those challenges successfully can help build unity and understanding between individuals, families and ultimately society.

A Reddit user asked, “Interracial couples of Reddit, what was the biggest difference you had to get used to?” and people shared stories that celebrate the unexpected elements of their partners' racial and cultural realities that they learned to adjust to.

The dishwasher that isn't used to wash dishes

“The dishwasher being used as a drying rack and not to actually wash dishes.” – Lucky_Extent8765


“Dude wtf Latina girlfriend just dropped this bomb on me.

‘We don’t trust machines like that’

‘Ok but you just put our clothes in the washing machine and started it though…’” – Worldly_Collection27


“Had a Latina friend who I was ‘talking to’ but never actually ended up dating, had her, her friend, and a couple of others over for dinner and her and her friend offered to help with the dishes, they ended up hand washing everything and drying it in the dishwasher. I told them the dishwasher works fine and they were like ‘we don't do that in South American families.’ "– Particular_Fan_3645

The intricacies of hair care

“I’m a white dude married to a black woman. I had no idea about the whole culture of hair upkeep for black women. How much it costs. How much time it takes. How much it’s a connection point for her and other women.

Interestingly, what was a bigger adjustment had nothing to do with race. I’m an only child and she is one of five so obviously the family dynamics are quite different.

Next month we will be married for 24 years so I guess it’s all good.” – loudnate0701


“When I met my wife she had short straight hair and had been relaxing/straightening it pretty much her whole life. 6 years ago she decided she wanted to go natural and started to grow it out. She started getting it braided professionally and whenever she’d get new braids I’d basically have an entire weekend day to myself, it would take 8-10 hours. But eventually she wanted to do natural locs and wanted to do them herself. It was a challenge for a while but now her natural hair is down to her shoulders & locked. She washes her hair every 2-3 weeks and when she decides to do that it’s literally a 6 hour process between washing, re-twisting & drying.

But yeah, the time spent when she was getting it braided and the money spent on different products/bonnets was wild to me lol.” – Zealousideal-Life868


“My story is how this could've gone awry:

We went on our first date and hit it way off. She had kind of a shorter bob thing going, relaxed/straightened. Super cute. Anyway, I ask her for a second date and she tells me she has a hair appointment that day. I go okay well, so how about after...if it's at noon, surely we can have dinner?

Long story short, I was butthurt thinking she was blowing me off with a cheap excuse because I was entirely unaware of getting her hair done means PTO at work. She, on the other hand, naturally never considered I wouldn't really know about that and was baffled and annoyed when I wrote her a slightly sulky "well it's fine I just thought we...bla bla" message.

We somehow ended up landing on mutual ground and after about a two hour conversation explaining the colossal undertaking that is getting braids laterI felt like a straight jackass 😅.

We're still together and happy and I've named her head scarf Toni.” – NosferatuCalled

The social expectations at family gatherings

"An ex was Latina, and while there really weren't any "social" things that were new getting used to her family dynamic took some adjusting because they were very close and involved in each other's lives so it was normal for the weekends inevitable BBQ to be something I was expected to be present for if she was going, because otherwise 16+ people would grill her about me not coming." – blahbabooey

"Yes! My husband is Dominican and I’m white and his family NEEDS me at every function, no matter what. Or when his mom calls, I can always hear her asking if I’m close by. And my husband is kinda like that too, he doesn’t wanna do anything without me and I’m more okay with being solo and staying home once in awhile." – Both_Dust_8383

"Have ever tried refusing food? Or that one shot of tequila being passed around? How about that “one more dance”? Have you ever forgotten to say good bye to everyone individually at least twice before leaving? Cause it sounds like you’re me lol. Married 20 years to my wife though. It never changes." – JnyBlkLabel

"I didn’t eat at my husband's grandma's house once (in the Dominican Republic) cuz there was no ac, it was summer, and I had just broken a rib 5 days before our trip. I was in bad pain and sooooooo hot, I could not eat!!! But did it break abuelas heart??? Absolutely. It was tough." – Both_Dust_8383

When no means yes and you're supposed to keep asking

"I was born and raised in the Netherlands (I'm half Italian half Indonesian but did not grow up with those cultures at home except a little). My girlfriend is Persian.

In the Netherlands, or at least in my experience, when people say no to something, then they mean no. While apparently for persians it's seen as polite to decline at least the first offer, often also the second even if you actually really want.

So for example, If she would offer me a cookie and i'd say no, She would ask another 3 times before letting it go, which was cute but also annoying. Meanwhile when i offer her a cookie and she says no. I just quit asking and then she gets a little mad that i didn't ask her a couple of times more.

It's not like the biggest difference or anything but it's a cute, and in the beginning, a very confusing difference." – LokMatrona

"Haha, we have the same thing in Ireland - if you’re offered food, drink, etc, you’re expected to say no the first couple of times. My mother in law thought her English nieces and nephews were ‘a bit forward’ because if she’s offer them a cup of tea they’d say ‘Yes please, that would be lovely.’" – MichaSound

"My wife is Persian and I’m English. The craziest thing she told me is if you’re a guest in your host’s house and you compliment some object in their house, the rules of hospitality require them to offer it to you. So you may say, 'Wow I love that mirror!' and they will say 'Please, have it!' You will of course refuse, but they will vehemently insist that you take it. This back-and-forth can go on for some time (despite the ironic truth that you absolutely do not want to take it, and they absolutely do not want to give it to you)." – th1sishappening

Learning about one another's popular culture

"My partner is from California, I'm from Singapore. I think the biggest difference is popular culture --- everything from your childhood tv shows, the iconic music of your teens, even your education system, is going to be different. You cannot expect your partner to know what Mr. Rogers is/have watched XYZ cartoon. All assumptions have to be thrown out of the window.

I think it's a good thing tbh, you start from zero. It makes you completely aware of how vast the world around you is, and I keep learning new things everyday. Just yesterday I learned that in California, there's a mascot called Smokey Bear that taught kids about forest fires. In turn, I told her about Singa the Courtesy Lion, which is a mascot to teach people courtesy/good manners. We had an entire discussion about mascots and teaching populations, and it was so fascinating. This happens so much that sometimes we can't stop talking to each other lol" – kafetheresu

"Bit of that with my wife. She was born in China but moved to Canada from age 9 to 19, then back to China again. So there's some overlap for that middle period, but that early childhood stuff is very different. Was fun though when she met my brother's girlfriend from Ukraine and they bonded over having both watched the same old Soviet cartoons as kids." – Cinquedea19

"I’m from Texas and my wife is from Nigeria. We also have this dynamic!! It’s pretty beautiful to learn about a whole other culture/way of life. One challenge is our families are across the world from each other." – PositionLogical2342

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Education

Teacher in Japan shares mind-blowing differences between her school and schools in the U.S.

Is there any reason American schools couldn't implement some of these things?

@hito.bito/TikTok

Japanese and American schools differ in a few significant ways

When you live in the same country your whole life, it's easy to think of things as "normal" simply because it's the way they're always done. One of the best ways to divest yourself of that notion is to go live in another country for a while, because very quickly, you start to see things you thought of as a given—or never thought about at all because it never dawned on you that they could be different—are actually cultural norms that don't exist everywhere.

An American teacher who lives in Japan offers a perfect example of how the norms of different countries can contrast sharply.

On her TikTok channel, @hito.bito, the teacher shared a video called "Things about my Japanese school that could send Americans into a coma," and the differences she described are mind-blowing.

She begins with, "We all have to change from outdoor to indoor shoes as soon as we enter the school. And no, I’ve never seen any love notes or confessions in the shoe cubbies.” She shows herself changing into comfy slippers after entering the school. Definitely a good way to keep the floors cleaner.

Not that cleanliness is an issue for schools in Japan, since the students—not janitors, the students—clean the whole school daily.

"You don’t know clean until you’ve been to a Japanese school because these kids clean the school from top to bottom every single day,” she shared.

People familiar with the Montessori approach to education are familiar with the idea, but it's not at all the standard practice of most public schools in the U.S. Perhaps it should be?

Another difference she pointed out was the lunch kids are served—or rather that they serve themselves. Usually, it's some kind of rice, vegetables and protein, and it all looks delicious.

Of course, not every difference is a positive.

"Now, what sends me into an absolute spiral almost daily is that they leave the windows open and there’s no heating or cooling in the hall so I have to walk around in a coat," she shared, showing herself wearing a parka indoors. This practice probably has more to do with Covid and air circulation than a cultural norm (I lived in Japan 20 years ago and don't recall this being a regular practice), but even taking proactive steps to keep the air clean is a far cry from schools here, even in the Covid era.

She also shared some hair, makeup and piercing rules that are far stricter than most schools in the U.S. (She stated in a later video that the reason for the low ponytail rule is that kids are required by law to wear helmets when biking and most Japanese kids bike to school, so the hairstyle rule allows for safe helmet use.)

Watch:

People in the comments loved certain parts of Japanese school protocol, but others not so much. The consensus is that the cleaning habits are awesome—pretty much everyone felt that American kids should be cleaning their schools as well. The shoe change was a popular idea, too. Several Canadian commenters said they do that up north as well.

The hair, make-up and piercings, however, people were not so fond of. Americans do treasure our individuality and freedom to express ourselves. That's a norm that's pretty unshakable here.

We all have things that we can learn from one another, and when we share our customs and norms, sometimes we can find ways to improve or enrich our own culture. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how to make the kids-cleaning-the-school thing happen in the US…

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